5/2/23 Loiter

Reflecting on my experience at the cemetery, I think this was one of my favorite loiters. Not

only did I have a ton of things to think about while there, the conversations we had amongst my

classmates stuck with me even until today. In my journal, I wrote a lot about the tombstones,

because they were the most obvious thing around me visually. I was speculating on how much

they cost, and also wondering why people get them. I think it has to do with a preoccupation in

life to leave some mark, to leave something behind that is a permanent proof of our existence.

I’ve seen lots of movies and books that describe this feeling, but I can’t say I’ve ever

experienced it myself. It may be because I’m young, but I just don’t feel the need to have a

marker like that. I wrote too about how futile that need is, because for many of these people,

after 50 or 100 years, no one will remember them to visit their grave, and it will stand for years

until the plot is eventually resold. I was then thinking about the kind of people in our society who

have remained memorable to many throughout the years. Most of those I could think of didn’t

deserve it.

Towards the end of our solo time I did some meditation, to try and center myself in that place

and moment. I remembered a quote which said “meditation is practice for death.” Thinking about

the reading's description of death, this made more sense to me. I meditated and tried to keep in

my mind the fact of my mortality, while also centering myself and breath. I think another lasting

impact this loiter had on me was to make me incorporate this into my meditation practice,

because I think keeping that constant in mind pushes me to be more of myself. I also wrote about

the two sides of holding this idea in your head. For some, it is freeing, and allows them to share

parts of themselves and be bold in ways that are otherwise possible. But for others it creates the

phenomenon that I wrote about earlier, where people become obsessed with the fact that they
will one day be gone and instead of enjoying the world they try so hard to mark it, to prove

something to it. I think this urge can be very harmful and toxic, especially when it is combined

with a capitalistic system. I remember the discussions we have been having about possession,

and I think this may be another form. I wrote about a lot of other personal things too, stuff that’s

been in my mind lately that was changed when I started to think about death. This loiter, and

particularly the solo writing activity, gave me time to process as well as ponder death and how it

affects the way we live. They loiter and ensuing conversations will stay with me for a long time.

3. Self-loiter

For my loiter I chose to go into the lobby of one of the high rises of downtown Seattle,

Madison Center. I walk downtown pretty often to get to my job, and I noticed that many of the

expensive high rises have exquisite lobbies. I started by observing the interior design elements,

but I also wanted to explore some of the ideas of a reading I had for my ARCH class, which are

the concepts of public vs. private space. I chose to sit for 30 minutes and observe my

surroundings journal, keeping in mind the questions : Where in Downtown Seattle is a public

space? Who decides these spaces? And how can they be subverted? In the class we have defined

public space as being any area that was designed for general use of the public, and private space

as often privately owned, which can only be accessed through compliance with certain criteria,

be it social, financial, or occupational. Some background I collected on the space: Madison

Center is a building which contains several high income offices: Amazon, Hulu, several law

firms, and a wealth management company. Initially, I thought of Madison Center as a kind of
secret public space. The building doors are unlocked at all times, and there appear to be visitors

beyond those who work on the floors above. I was able to enter without problem, and sat in one

of the plush chairs they had near a giant fireplace, which made it seem like the area was designed

to be almost welcoming, like a living room. Based on their clothes, almost all those in the space

were wealthy business people. I saw that many of them were wearing expensive brands like

Arc'teryx and North face, as well as I noticed most of them had multiple new apple products. The

general focus seemed to be business, although I did see some people who appeared to be tourists

looking around the lobby and taking pictures. There were several security guards, one near each

of the doors, and another at the concierge desk. I wasn’t able to get into any of the elevators to go

up, as they were restricted to business only. The area was very warm compared to outside, and as

I said, had a lot of comfortable seating. The lobby also had very large windows, through which I

could see house-less people passing by frequently on the street. I started to think about how this

classification of public and private spaces exist on multiple levels. For house-less people,

everywhere is considered a private space. And there are different levels of public and private

spaces even based on appearances. The way that we are perceived plays a huge role in how we

are treated in these spaces, and things like race, class, and fashion play a magnified role. I also

wrote about how my experiences denote my privilege in this system, as I was easily able to walk

in, sit down, and stay for a while without any questions or disruptions. I was also considering

how and why the space was designed the way it was. It was clearly made to look very

welcoming, with the fireplace, rig, and furniture arrangements. However this is ironic because it

is only welcoming for a slight population. Additionally, the high ceilings, glass, and spiral

staircase were obviously meant to be a sign of wealth and status. Another thing that was

interesting was that the main entrance was lower compared to the lobby area, and was more
sparsely decorated with just the security desk and stairs to the lobby. I think many parts of this

space were also designed for the specific comfort of the rich, which I think. Is true of almost all

spaces they occupy. Comfort and elegance is amplified, and security is definitely made known. I

was also writing about how this felt like an example of the bubble people talk about the rich

people living in. I think that those with a lot of wealth have a different way of thinking partially

due to these spaces, one which deprecated and isolated them physically and emotionally from the

rest of the world. This is often as a way to assuage a guilty conscience, and to feed and cultivate

a swollen ego. This loiter made me consider my place in systems of wealth and property.