93 DAD🎂🎉 JOKES!

1. Apparently the clocks go back in November… I can’t remember

where I bought mine from.
2. How do you make the number one disappear? You just add a
‘g’ and it’s gone.
3. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know which
one comes first.
4. You know you’re getting old when your back goes out more
than you do.
5. I’m currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall
in love in an Italian city. It’s a Rome ants novel.
6. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost? Because frost bites!
7. You hear about those two dudes standing by the window all
day?? Yup, Kurt &Rod.
8. I am doing crunches twice a day now. Captain in the morning
and Nestle in the evening.
9. Where do all bad rainbows go? Prism.
10. Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he
always gets lost at c
11. I told my doctor I have a problem with my left ear. “Are you
sure?” “Yeah, I’m definite.”
12. I tried writing with a broken pencil. It was pointless.
13. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
(Only a fraction of people will get this.)
14. What do you call a bear with no teeth!? A gummy bear!
15. What room can’t a skeleton go in? The living room.
16. I tried calling the tinnitus helpline, but it just kept ringing.
17. I used to be a taxi driver but one day half the wheels fell off.
I couldn’t work anymore since I was too tired.
18. I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I
thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.
19. Why didn’t the dog want to wrestle? He was a boxer!
20. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?A stick.
21. What do you call a Woman who sets fire to all her Bills?
Bernadette
22. How do astronauts organize a space party? They planet!
23. I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something or
bringing you down.
24. Why did the bald man keep his comb? Because he couldn’t
part with it!
25. As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But
hay – it’s in my jeans.
26. Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands (this joke
never gets old!)

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27. I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. You
might not believe it but I saw it with just my eyes
28. What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics
29. Of all the things that taste like chicken, it’s weird that eggs
aren’t one of them.
30. So I wanted to find ways to play with a tarantula, but I
couldn’t find any on the web.
31. What happened to the baker who saw the other baker
covered in flour? He looked as dough he saw a ghost.
32. Why are there no Fourth of July knock-knock jokes? Because
freedom rings.
33. I was asked to cool down the football team during half time
but I’m not a big fan.
34. If you’re attacked by a group of clowns, go for the juggler.
35. What’s a robot’s favorite snack? Computer Chips!
36. Daytime and Night Time are nothing alike… The difference is
like Night and Day.
37. When I challenged death to a pillow fight, I hadn’t
considered the Reaper cushions!!!
38. Now I understand why we are called grown ups – because we
groan every time we get up!
39. Who cleans the Oceans? Mer-Maids
40. What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium…
41. I always thought orthopedic shoes were overrated, but I
stand corrected.
42. Dad:”Leg day today. kid: “PT?” Dad:”No, KFC.”🍗🤣
43. NASA is putting a restaurant on the moon. They say the food
will be great…but no atmosphere.

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44. Whenever I think of the eighties, I think of a boombox, but
that’s just a stereo type
45. My daughter called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to
work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She
hung up on me.
46. I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now I have
Heinzsight.
47. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was
outstanding in his field.
48. When does a regular joke become a dad joke? When it
becomes apparent.
49. I love telling dad jokes, sometimes he even laughs !
50. I used to know a good joke about retirement. Now it no
longer works
51. I told my doctor I felt like a pair of curtains. “Did he tell you
to pull yourself together?” No, he told me I should open up
more.
52. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants to the course?
In case he got a hole in one.
53. I entered 10 puns into a pun contest hoping at least one
would win. But no pun in ten did.
54. Just found out you don’t need training to become a garbage
collector. You just pick it up as you go along.
55. What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills??? Aretha
Franklin!
56. Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the ocean?
They’re both below C level!
57. Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries
one photo, because if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.

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58. What’s the scariest plant? BamBOO!
59. An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.
60. I went to buy a new mattress the other day. I wasn’t sure
about it, so the salesman told me to go home and sleep on it.
61. What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
62. How do you get a tissue to dance? Put a little boogie in it
Eww!
63. Went to my therapist and told her I was afraid of random
letters she said “you are?” I screamed she said “oh I see” and I
ran home
64. I once swallowed a bunch of synonyms. It gave me
thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
65. I saw my ex outside an Italian restaurant yesterday. I walked
right pasta.
66. I haven't seen my twin brother since we left Australia. We were
separated at Perth.
67. I visited a Doritos farm today. What a cool ranch!
68. I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
69. What type of event do elephants enjoy participating in?
Trunk or treat
70. Dad 1: When will the little snake arrive? Dad 2: I don’t know
but he won’t be long…
71. My friend Joe went on the dolly parton diet. It made Joe
lean,Joe lean,Joe lean.
72. What do you call a Russian procrastinator? Putinoff.
73. A man is suing Smart Water for not making him smart, and
I’d like to formally announce my lawsuit against Thin Mints.
74. Studies show that cows produce more milk when a farmer
talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

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75. Apparently “icy” is the easiest word to spell. I see why.
76. Why did the cookie go to the nurse? Because he felt crumby.
77. Where do bad rainbows go? To prism. It’s a light sentence,
but it gives them time to reflect.
78. My perfume store got robbed. They took every scent I had.
79. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.
80. I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then
it struck me.
81. I’d tell ya a pizza joke… But it’s a little cheesy 🍕
82. What do you call crows that are stuck together? VELCROWS!
83. Did you hear about the campsite that got visited by Bigfoot?
It got in tents.
84. Why do ducks make great detectives? They always quack
the case.
85. Wow, that was embarrassing. I opened my fridge and saw
my salad dressing.
86. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it
just let out a little wine.
87. I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend a lot more
often lately. It means a lot to him.
88. What did one flag say to the other? Nothing, it just waved!
89. A Spanish magician told everyone he would disappear. He
said, “Uno, dos….”Then he disappeared without a tres.
90. What kind of dog doesn't bark? A hushpuppy!
91. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
92. The man that invented the Ferris wheel never met the man
that invented the merry go round. They traveled in different
circles.

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93. What’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?...a shoe!