ISLÂHUL -

MUÂSHARAT
(CORRECTION OF
SOCIAL
ETIQUETTES)
Prepared on the instructions of
Hadrat Moulana Abdul Hamid
Ishaq (dâmat barakâtuhu)
by Ml Moosa Kajee
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INTRODUCTION ................................................................................................ 5
ETIQUETTES OF THE MASJID .......................................................................... 12
ETIQUETTES OF I’TIKÂF (SECLUSION IN THE MASJID) .................................... 14
ETIQUETTES OF ISTINJÂ .................................................................................. 16
(PURIFICATION AFTER RELIEVING ONESELF) .................................................. 16
ETIQUETTES OF EATING.................................................................................. 18
ETIQUETTE RELATED TO THE GUEST .............................................................. 19
THE TERM RSVP .............................................................................................. 21
ETIQUETTE RELATED TO THE HOST ................................................................ 21
ETIQUETTE OF SALÂM .................................................................................... 24
ETIQUETTE OF MUSÂFAHAH (SHAKING HANDS) AND MU’ÂNAQAH
(EMBRACING) ................................................................................................. 25
ETIQUETTES OF SEEKING PERMISSION........................................................... 27
ETIQUETTES OF A GATHERING ....................................................................... 28
ETIQUETTES OF SPEECH.................................................................................. 32
ETIQUETTES OF LISTENING TO SPEECH .......................................................... 37
ETIQUETTES OF CORRESPONDENCE ............................................................... 39
ETIQUETTES OF EMAIL MESSAGING ............................................................... 41
ETIQUETTES OF MEETING ONE ANOTHER ..................................................... 46
ETIQUETTES OF SERVICE (KHIDMAT).............................................................. 47
ETIQUETTES OF GIFTS ..................................................................................... 49
ETIQUETTES OF LOANS ................................................................................... 51
ETIQUETTES OF INTERCESSION ...................................................................... 53
ETIQUETTES OF A PROMISE ............................................................................ 54
ETIQUETTES OF THE TELEPHONE ................................................................... 55

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ETIQUETTES OF THE CELL-PHONE .................................................................. 56
ETIQUETTES OF ILLNESS AND VISITING THE SICK ........................................... 59
ETIQUETTES PERTAINING TO PREGNANCY, POST DELIVERY/ BREAST FEEDING
........................................................................................................................ 62
ETIQUETTES OF ATTENDING THE DECASED PERSON’S HOME AND TA’ZIYAT
(CONSOLING FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE DECEASED) .................................... 65
ETIQUETTES OF ELDERS .................................................................................. 67
ETIQUETTES OF JUNIORS ................................................................................ 69
ETIQUETTES OF PARENTS ............................................................................... 72
ETIQUETTES OF SPOUSES ............................................................................... 76
ETIQUETTES FOR HUSBANDS.......................................................................... 79
ETIQUETTES FOR WIVES ................................................................................. 86
ETIQUETTES FOR SON/ DAUGHTER IN-LAWS................................................. 94
ETIQUETTES FOR FATHER/ MOTHER IN-LAWS ............................................... 95
ETIQUETTES OF THE SHAIKH .......................................................................... 99
ETIQUETTES OF TRAINING CHILDREN .......................................................... 100
ETIQUETTES OF THE NEIGHBOUR................................................................. 104
ETIQUETTES OF CO-WORKERS...................................................................... 106
ETIQUETTES OF THE EMPLOYEE ................................................................... 108
ETIQUETTES OF THE EMPLOYER ................................................................... 110
ETIQUETTES OF DRIVING .............................................................................. 112
ETIQUETTES OF PARKING ............................................................................. 116
ETIQUETTES OF A JOURNEY.......................................................................... 117
ETIQUETTES OF SHOPPING ........................................................................... 120
POLLUTION ................................................................................................... 121
GENERAL ETIQUETTES .................................................................................. 123
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 INTRODUCTION

ِ ‫ات الشَّْيط‬ ِ ‫َي أايُّها الَّ ِذين آمنُواْ ا ْد ُخلُواْ ِِف‬

ِ ‫الس ْل ِم اكآفَّ ًة والا تاتَّبِعواْ ُخطُو‬
‫ي‬‫اان إِنَّهُ لا ُك ْم اع ُد ٌّو ُّمِب ن‬ ‫ا‬ ُ ‫ا‬ ‫ا ا‬ ‫ا ا‬
Allâh  states, “O believers! Enter into Islâm and submission
completely and do not follow the footsteps of Satan, surely he is your
open enemy.”
This verse commands us to enter into complete Islam. This
means that we should accept every law, and adopt it practically.
By adopting any other path, we will be following in the path of
Shaytan. Islâm refers to a complete system of life which has been
mentioned in the Qurân and sunnah. This includes aqâid
(beliefs), ibâdât (formal acts of worship), muâmalât (dealings),
muâsharât (social etiquettes), and akhlaq (character). When all
of these are found within a person, his Islam will then be
complete.

We do not live individually, but in a society, where we interact

with others at all times. Islâm has explained how a person must
live with others. Rights of parents, children, spouses, neighbours,
in-laws, family members, teachers, students, friends, etc. have
all been explained. It is necessary for every person to find out the
rights of others on him. He must then endeavour to fulfil the
rights of all concerned.

Islamic social life is based on the following important principles:

1.) Not causing harm to others: Rasulullâh  said, “A complete

believer is who other Muslims are saved from his tongue and
hands.” (Bukhâri, Muslim) Rasulullâh  said, “The blood, honour
5
and property of a Muslim are sacred to another Muslim.”
(Muslim)
This means that a Muslim should not cause the slightest
difficulty, inconvenience, harm, displeasure and ill-feeling to
another fellow being. Because a Muslim interacts generally with
other Muslims, the word Muslim is used here. Otherwise, a
Muslim should make an intention and endeavour not to cause
any difficulty whatsoever to Muslims, non-Muslims, animals and
even the environment.

2.) Fulfilment of rights: Rasulullâh  said, “Each one of you is a

guardian and each one of you is answerable for his charge. The
leader is a guardian and is answerable for his charge. The man is
a guardian over his family and is answerable for his charge. The
woman is a guardian over her husband’s house and is answerable
for her charge. The servant is a guardian over his master’s wealth
and is answerable for his charge. So each one of you is a guardian,
and each one of you is answerable for his charge.” (Bukhârî,
Muslim)
In the whole world today, people are fighting for their rights.
Islam teaches us to endeavour to fulfil the rights of others, as
each person will be questioned about these on the Day of
Judgement. As for one’s own rights, he should ask Allâh .
Rasulullâh  said, “There will be acts of discrimination and other
matters which you will dislike after I depart (from this world).”
The Sahâbah  asked: “What do you order us to do, O
Rasulullâh?” He  replied: “That you fulfil your duties and you ask
Allâh  for your rights.” (Bukhârî, Muslim)
6
3.) Forgoing of one’s rights and forgiveness: Rasulullâh  said,
“Whoever gives up telling lies in support of a false claim, a palace
will be built for him in the outskirts of Paradise. Whoever gives
up argument when he is in the right, a palace will be built from
him in the middle (of Paradise). And whoever had good
behaviour, a palace will be built for him in the highest reaches (of
Paradise).” (Ibn Majah) Rasulullâh  said, “No charity ever
decreased any wealth, no person pardoned [another] without
Allâh  increasing him in honour, and no person humbled himself
for the sake of Allâh  without Allâh  elevating him.” (Muslim)

4.) Honouring and serving one another: Rasulullâh  said, “No

youngster shows respect to an old man for his old age without
Allâh  appointing someone to show respect to him when he
becomes old.” (Tirmidhî)
Rasulullâh  said: “Beware of suspicion because it is the worst of
lies. Do not eaves-drop, do not spy on each other, do not
compete against each other, do not be jealous of each other, do
not bear malice towards each other, and do not turn away from
each other. O servants of Allâh! Remain like brothers as He
commanded you. A Muslim is a brother to another Muslim. He
neither wrongs him, abandons helping him, nor belittles him.
Piety is here” – and he pointed to his chest three times – “it is
sufficient as a sin to despise one’s Muslim brother. Everything
belonging to a Muslim is unlawful to another Muslim: his life, his
honour and his wealth. Allâh does not look at your bodies nor
your appearances. Rather, He looks at your hearts and your
deeds.” (Bukhari, Muslim)
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5.) Simplicity: Rasulullâh  said, “Simplicity is part of îmân.
Simplicity is part of îmân.” (Abû Dâ’wûd) When a person adopts
simplicity, it becomes easier to fulfil the rights of others, and one
is saved from jealous eyes. Simplicity should be adopted in our
dressing, homes, vehicles, marriages, and funerals.

6.) Humility: Rasulullâh  said, “The person who has an atom’s

weight of pride in his heart will not enter Paradise.” A person
asked: “A man likes that his clothes be beautiful and his shoes be
beautiful?” He  replied: “Allâh  is beautiful and He loves beauty.
Pride refers to opposing the truth and looking down on people.”
(Muslim) Only by humility will unity be created. As long as pride
is existent, there will always be fights and disunity.

7) Abstaining from the ways of the disbelievers: Allâh  states,

“Do not incline to those who oppress, otherwise the Fire will
touch you.” Rasulullâh  said, “Whoever imitates a nation is
regarded amongst them.” In every aspect, Islam has its own
system and part of life. We should endeavour to follow the way
of Rasulullâh  and our pious predecessors in all our actions.
Hadrat Thânwi  writes, “Although the department of
mu’âsharah (social etiquette) comes after the department of
beliefs and compulsory acts of worship, since a fault in beliefs
and acts of worship brings about personal harm while a fault in
muâsharat results in harm to others, the latter will enjoy
superiority to the former two from this angle. However as far as
optional (nafl) acts of ibâdah are concerned, mu’âsharah has
8
greater emphasis in all respects. Thus the condition of two
women was explained to Rasulullâh. One was engaging in
abundant optional salâh, fasting, dhikr, etc., but caused difficulty
to her neighbours; whilst the other refrained from causing harm
although she did not engage in much optional acts of worship.
Rasulullâh  described the first as an inmate of Hell, and the
second as an inmate of Paradise.

The need for proper observance of mu’âsharah is of greater

importance than muâmalat (business dealings). Correction of
muâmalât ensures the protection of material wealth while
beautiful conduct ensures the protection of the hearts of
Muslims. It is obvious that the rank of the heart is greater than
that of material wealth. Muâsharat is the protection of the
honour and reputation of others. Till the Day of Judgement, the
honour and reputation of the believers has been decreed sacred.
This sanctity cannot be equalled.

Islâmic mu’âsharah has no parallel. There is no need for Muslims

to emulate the conduct of others. The Islâmic teaching of
muâsharah, inculcates humility in man. Without humility,
sympathy for the creation and unity are not possible. The ways
of the non-Muslims are governed by many rules and restrictions.
They are supposed to be liberal and they always proclaim the
slogan of freedom. But, in actual fact, they have numerous
restrictions in both dress and eating habits and styles. Our way is
of simplicity. There is great blessings as well as sweetness and
comfort in simplicity. While everyone desires simplicity and a
9
simple life-style, pride and the thought of disgrace prevent them
from adopting a simple conduct of life.

Despite the great importance of muâsharah, numerous people

amongst the general masses and some among the scholars offer
extremely little attention to it for practical purposes. Even those
who give practical expression, refrain from instructing others. If
people practise on these teachings, the pleasure of Jannah will
be experienced right here on earth.
Mu’âsharah is an inseparable part of Islâm. A perfect Muslim will
therefore be one who adopts all the branches of dîn. In all
aspects, he has to behave as a Muslim. There has to be no
resemblance with disbelievers. Just as salâh and fasting is
compulsory, so too is muâsharah. Nowadays it is not even
considered part of dîn, whereas many verses and chapters of
ahâdîth have been compiled in this sphere of life. The etiquettes
of mu’âsharah are disappearing day by day although these are
natural things. But the desire for correction has in fact vanished
from the hearts of people. A greater evil is the laxity of attitude.
The capacity to ponder and reflect is absent. If Muslims
contemplate, their gaze will reach all sides.” (Summarized from
Adâbul-Muâsharah)

Keeping this in mind, Hadrat Thânwî  compiled a book entitled

Âdâbul-Muâsharah. However since many of these etiquettes do
not apply in these times and there are many new applicable
today, our honourable and beloved ustâdh and shaikh, Hadrat
Moulânâ Abdul Hamid Ishaq Saheb (damat barakâtuhu)
10
requested Muftî Muhammed Desai and myself to prepare this
booklet. Summarizing the above-mentioned book, we have
added many other etiquettes, which apply today, from other
books and advices from our shaikh, ulamâ and friends. May Allâh
 accept this booklet and make it a means of our reformation as
well as the entire ummah!

Moosa Kajee
Darul-Ulûm Azaadville
17 Safar 1434
23 December 2013

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 ETIQUETTES OF THE MASJID

1.) Do not perform salâh in such a place in the masjid that the
free movement of other musallis are obstructed e.g. performing
salâh at the entrance, thus preventing others from passing. Take
up a position in front of the masjid in a corner.
2.) Do not unnecessarily stand immediately behind someone’s
back to perform salâh, if the masjid is empty. The person in front
feels uneasy.
3.) When removing your shoes, do not shove aside the shoes of
others nor remove their shoes from a place in order to put your
shoes there. The place occupied by the shoes of a person is the
right of that person. On emerging from the masjid, if he does not
find his shoes there, he will become worried. One should place
his shoes in shoe-racks or in an appropriate place if there are no
shoe racks. When placing the shoes down, one should not throw
them on the ground, but place them on the ground in a cultured
manner.
4.) Enter with the right foot, reciting the appropriate duas. When
leaving, emerge with the left foot, reciting the appropriate duâs.
5.) Maintain silence inside the masjid as well as in the wudhu
area, and sit down respectfully. Do not engage in worldly
conversation. Before sitting down, perform two rakats Tahiyyatul
Masjid, if it is an appropriate time. Recite the third kalimah four
times if it is a makrooh time.
Note: If visiting the same masjid several times in one day,
performance of Tahiyyatul - Masjid once will suffice.

12
6.) Do not recite anything loudly in the masjid. This disturbs other
musallis.
7.) Do not become involved in any worldly activity e.g. buying,
selling, worldly meeting in the masjid.
8.) Do not enter the masjid without wudhu. As far as possible,
make wudhu at home.
9.) Be dressed properly and respectfully when coming to the
masjid. Some people enter with T-shirts, denims and other
disrespectful modes of dress. This is highly disrespectful and a
violation of the sanctity of the masjid.
10.) The masjid should not be used as a short-cut to get to the
other side. This is not permissible.
11.) Items which emit a foul odour should not be brought in the
masjid. Similarly, after having eaten garlic or onions one should
not enter immediately. First cleanse the mouth thoroughly. The
same applies to those who smoke.
12.) Acts rendered for worldly purposes should not be carried out
in the masjid. This applies to even writing of such tâwiz which are
for worldly purposes.
13.) It is disrespectful to unnecessarily climb on top of the roof of
the masjid.
14.) Do not use the masjid to make worldly announcements e.g.
for a lost item.
15.) It is not permissible to remove any of the masjid’s items for
personal use. All of the masjid property is waqf. Every musalli has
equal right in the use of Masjid items.
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16.) Ensure your cell-phone is switched off before entering the
masjid. Detailed etiquettes will be mentioned in a separate
chapter.
17.) If you are late for salâh, do not run, but walk briskly to the
masjid. If you fear that you will miss a rak’at, then too do not run.
It is against the etiquette of the masjid, causes a disturbance to
others and does not allow the person who is out of breath to
praise Allâh  correctly.
18.) Latecomers should not climb over the shoulders nor step
over the necks of those already seated. Instead of receiving
reward, they are actually making a bridge towards Jahannum.
19.) As we are utilizing the facilities of the masjid, we should
place some money in the masjid collection box to cover our costs
as well as those who cannot afford it.

ETIQUETTES OF I’TIKÂF (SECLUSION IN THE MASJID)

1.) The person in I’tikâf should not pass wind in the masjid. He
should go outside just as he does when having to answer the call
of nature.
2.) The mu’takif should utilize majority of his time in ibâdat,
tilâwah, and the dhikr of Allâh . The object is to build his
relationship with Allâh . Abstain from bringing a cell-phone or
computer. Much valuable time is lost by engaging with them.
Playing computer games, etc. is prohibited out of the masjid. In
the masjid, the sin is severer.

14
3.) Whatever is prohibited and regarded as a major sin during
normal times, should be avoided to a greater extent during I’tikâf
e.g. speaking lies, taking false oaths, mocking some-one,
backbiting, acting proudly, fault-finding, ostentation, etc. Besides
this, do not cause inconvenience to anyone, and do not fight or
argue.
4.) Abstain from any form of political discussions and from
discussing any worldly talks, since this is makrûh (reprehensible)
and sinful. Due to these discussions, a person’s good deeds are
destroyed.
5.) Abstain from joking and laughing, as well as sitting in groups
to pass time. These actions disturb others, which is a great sin.
6.) Abstain from smoking or utilizing any intoxicants.
7.) Abstain from doing such actions which will create disarray in
the masjid or the program; or which will lead to noise. This will
lead to disturbance in the ibâdah and rest of the others
performing I’tikâf.
8.) Do not bring any radios, weapons and newspapers into the
masjid.
9.) Place a pure cloth over the carpet of the masjid, so that the
masjid floor is not soiled. Place a dastarkhân (cloth) whenever
eating.
10.) The lights, fans, air-conditioners, etc. will be controlled by an
appointed person. No one should interfere with these things
without permission. Do not interfere in the management of the
masjid.

15
11.) During I’tikâf, if there is any complaint or problem, then refer
the matter to the person in charge or the one appointed by him.

ETIQUETTES OF ISTINJÂ
(PURIFICATION AFTER RELIEVING ONESELF)

1.) After utilizing the toilet, ensure that the cistern is properly
flushed and that no trace of a person’s urine or stool remains. If
the effects of stool are in the pan, they should be washed away
before flushing. Always remember that you are not the only one
using the toilets at home, the Masjid or even at the workplace.
One should ensure that he leaves the toilet clean as he would like
to find the toilet.
2.) Try using an eastern toilet / squat pan as far as possible.
However, if one if forced to use a western pan toilet, then ensure
that the seat is not messed. If it does get messed, then ensure
that it is cleaned before leaving the toilet.
3.) If there are any air-fresheners in the toilet, they should be
utilized. At least the windows should be opened so that any foul
smell can be removed. Do not smoke in the toilet as the fumes
will inconvenience others.
4.) After using the toilet, ensure that the area around the toilet
is also kept clean. Do not allow too much of water to remain on
the outside as this will cause inconvenience to the next person.
Many toilets have a toilet brush for cleaning the inside of the
toilet bowl after using the toilet. Always check whether you need
to use it. Don’t leave it for someone else to clean up after you.
When leaving the toilet try getting rid of the excess water under
16
one’s feet either by wiping one’s feet on a mat if provided or by
stamping one’s feet on the ground gently.
5.) Don’t take much time in the toilet when others are waiting to
use the toilet as well, especially where there is only one toilet
available. Avoid using cell phones in the toilets as this causes one
to spend extra time in the toilet.
6.) Always knock first if the toilet appears to be occupied.
7.) In many places (especially the Masajid toilets) people do not
press the flush button with their hands but use their shoes which
may be carrying impurities. One should abstain from such
practices and always consider the next person. If one is not
comfortable touching the handle of the cistern, he should use
toilet paper to touch it.
8.) If one is going on a journey, he should ensure that he relieves
himself just before departing.
9.) If one is forced to stop during the journey, then the following
points should be kept in mind:
a.) Do not relieve oneself along the road or under the shade of a
tree. People taking rest there will be highly inconvenienced.
b.) Do not urinate in stagnant water, even if abundant.
c.) Do not relieve oneself in a hole in the ground for perhaps
there is a harmful creature there which may emerge.
d.) Go far away from the gazes of people and be as concealed as
possible whilst relieving oneself.
e.) Do not face the Qiblah nor let one’s back face the Qiblah. (This
also applies when one is in the toilet). Do not face the sun, the
moon, or pass water against the wind.
17
f.) Do not pass water in such a way that the urine splashes against
you.
g.) Ensure that water is always kept in one’s vehicle for such
emergencies.
h.) Take a small spade along to dig a hole so that the waste and
toilet paper can be covered. Do not allow messed toilet paper to
blow around in the bush.

ETIQUETTES OF EATING

1.) While eating, do not mention such things which nauseate or

are offensive to others. People of delicate nature are affected by
such speech.
2.) Do not spit or clean the nose near people who are eating.
3.) When there is a need to bring more food to the guests, do not
remove the utensil, but bring it in another utensil.
4.) If the food is less and the people present are many, do not eat
to satiation. Keep others in mind.
5.) When foods such as sweetmeats, grapes, dates, etc. are
served, take one at a time. Taking more displays greed and lack
of culture.
6.) If you have completed eating before the others seated with
you, continue nibbling here and there to convey the impression
that you are still eating. Do not put the others to shame by
stopping completely.
7.) If for some reason you are forced to leave whilst others are
still eating, excuse yourself.
18
8.) Cover foodstuff which is sent to others.
9.) Do not initiate an intricate topic while eating. The talk should
be light; otherwise the pleasure of the food will be lost. While
eating, the greater part of one’s attention should be directed to
the food.
10.) Leftovers which you are not able to eat and crumbs should
not be thrown in the bin. Birds and animals eat such food. Put it
in a place where they may eat it.
11.) Dish out as much as you will manage to eat. Sometimes so
much is dished out that one cannot finish it and this food is
thrown away depriving those who are in need.

ETIQUETTE RELATED TO THE GUEST

1.) The guest should immediately notify the host if, for some
reason, he has no intention of eating there. It should not happen
that the host prepares food and all goes to waste. This will cause
grief to the host.
2.) The guest should inform the host of his whereabouts so that
the host does not have to undergo any inconvenience by waiting
for him, nor does he have to search for him at mealtimes.
3.) The guest should not accept anyone’s invitation without the
consent of the host.
4.) The guest should not interfere in the arrangements of the
host, unless the host himself assigns some task to him.

19
5.) The guest should never adopt a demanding attitude or tone.
He should place forward his wishes with a humble request.
6.) If the guest is on a diet, he should inform his host on arrival,
and not at meal-times when the food is about to be served.
7.) The guest should avoid asking the host for something.
Perhaps the host cannot fulfil the request and is put to shame.
8.) The guest should leave a little food over in the serving utensils
so that the host does not think that maybe the food was not
enough, and the guest has not eaten sufficiently. This will put the
host to shame.
9.) Do not accompany an invited person to his host’s residence.
The host, out of shame, may be forced to invite you, whereas he
had no intention of doing so. This causes difficulty to the host.
10.) If several varieties of food are served, the guest should taste
a bit of every variety. This is a right of the host over the guest. An
exception is if the guest is ill or on a prescribed diet.
11.) It is not permissible for a guest to give any food to a beggar
or anyone else (i.e. from the food the host has served).
12.) When going to a place for some work, etc. and while there,
you go to meet an acquaintance, then immediately inform him
of your staying arrangements so that he does not become
perturbed that you are his guest.
13.) The ulamâ should be extremely careful when going to eat at
the place of their host. They should not impose on the hospitality
of the host by taking along a group of friends, students or murîds.

20
14.) The guest should not stay so long as to put the host into
inconvenience.

THE TERM RSVP

1.) This basically means that one has to reply to inform his host
of his attendance.
2.) Usually invitations do not state a deadline as the host
generally trusts that one will send in a reply making it easier for
the host to plan accordingly. One should therefore respond
timeously and not cause inconvenience to the host.
3.) One should not respond by saying, “If I’m not overseas, then
I will come,” or, “I’ll drop by if I’m around.” If you are not sure,
then inform the host that you are not sure currently, but you will
inform him as soon as possible.
4.) One should respond to the RSVP in writing as received but if
it is not possible to respond in writing, then one may do so
telephonically as well.
5.) If the adults are invited in the family then children should not
be taken along without an invitation.
6.) A person that is invited but does not intend going, should not
send another person in place of him.

ETIQUETTE RELATED TO THE HOST

1.) The host should not insist that the guest eats more and more.
This maybe contrary to the well-being of the guest. Similarly, if

21
the guest says that he does not feel like eating, he should not be
forced.
2.) If the intention is to invite some of the associates of one’s
elder together with him, then do not ask the elder to bring them
along. It is disrespectful to extract service from one’s elder. Take
permission from the elder and do the inviting yourself.
3.) Be hospitable to the guest and tend to his needs. Feed him a
lavish meal within one’s means at least once. The guest has a
right of three days.
4.) The host should not overwhelm the guest with his continuous
presence. He should leave the guest free.
5.) The host should not merely deliver the food to the guest and
leave. He should remain to see to his further needs.
6.) People sometimes stare at the guest while he is eating, taking
note of what and how much he is eating. This is incorrect. Whilst
keeping an eye on the guest and seeing to his needs, one should
not stare. One should cast an occasional glance to see whether
the guest requires anything more.
7.) As soon as the guest arrives, make arrangements for meals.
Whatever is easily available and could be prepared quickly
should be arranged. If one has means, then a sumptuous meal
may be arranged later.
8.) When there are two guests, treat them with equality.
9.) When escorting a guest into the house, then the host should
proceed in front and lead the guest. At times, in respect of the

22
guest, the host walks behind. The guest does not know which
entrance to take, especially if there are more than one entrance.
10.) When sending food out of the house, keep the following
points in mind:
a.) Ensure that it is covered, preferably with something which is
opaque, so that the gaze of others do not fall on the food.
b.) If possible, send the food in a non-returnable container, so
that it is not difficult for those who are going to receive the food
to return the utensils.
c.) If the food is sent in a pot or any utensil which must be
returned, then they should be labelled properly. Women should
not place their names on the stickers. Rather the husband’s
name or merely the surname can be placed on the sticker as well
as some contact number so that the utensils can easily be
returned.
d.) If possible, empty out one’s utensil immediately, so that one
can return home with one’s utensil, saving others inconvenience
later.
d.) Inform the person if the utensil has to be returned or if it can
be kept by the person, especially in those cases where it is not
clear whether the utensil is to be returned or not.
e.) Try as far as possible not to send foodstuffs in expensive
kitchen-ware. If the kitchen-ware has to break, chip or get
damaged, then there will be difficulty for both parties.
f.) If taking food to family members, it is best to take those items
which have longer life. It is best not to take things which will need
a fridge, etc. before serving.

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 ETIQUETTE OF SALÂM

1.) Adopt the practise of mutual salâm. Whenever meeting a

Muslim say, “Assalâmualaikum. In reply, one should say, “Wa
alaykumus salâm.” If a person adds “warahmatullâhi
wabarakâtuhu”, there is more reward.
2.) When replying, the salâm should be made verbally, and not
by the sign of the hand or a nod of the head.
3.) It is compulsory to reply to a salâm written in a letter, S.M.S,
email, Whatsapp, etc. The salâm may be verbal or in writing. One
should not alter or abbreviate the salâm e.g. salâms or slms, etc.
The salâm should be written in full.
4.) A person engrossed in a conversation or in some work should
not be greeted. One should wait until he has completed his work.
5.) In a gathering where a talk or discussion is taking place, a
person entering should not draw attention to himself by making
salâm. He should lower his gaze and sit down silently. Later when
the opportunity arises, he may make salâm.
6.) It is makrûh (undesirable) to greet a person involved in any
religious activity (like dhikr, tilâwat, lecture, dars, etc.) or natural
activity e.g. eating, relieving himself. Thus to make salâm to a
person eating is makrûh while it is not makrûh to engage in
conversation while eating. When answering the call of nature,
neither reply to anyone’s salâm nor offer salâm.
7.) On promising to convey someone’s salâm, it becomes wâjib
to do so, otherwise not.
8.) It is not permissible to bow and make salâm.
24
9.) When making salâm and meeting elders, adopt a low voice.
Do not express yourself in such terms which convey arrogance or
disrespect.
10.) When entering the home, it is sunnah to offer salâm in such
a voice that the inhabitants of the house can hear you. However
if some people are sleeping, then make salâm in such a tone that
those who are awake will be able to hear you and those who are
asleep will not be inconvenienced.

ETIQUETTE OF MUSÂFAHAH (SHAKING HANDS) AND

MU’ÂNAQAH (EMBRACING)

1.) Musâfahah is the completion of salâm. Therefore one should

not make musâfahah without the salâm.
2.) Musâfahah can be made on arrival or on departure. To make
Musâfahah on other occasions e.g. after salâh, after Id salâh,
after a nikâh etc. are baseless.
3.) Do not shake hands with a person when his hands are
involved in such an act which necessitates him emptying his
hands. On such occasions, salâm is adequate. Similarly, if a
person is hurrying along the road, do not stop him for hand-
shaking and conversation. You might be holding him up from
something important.
4.) When arriving in a gathering, there is no need to make
musâfahah with every person present. Make musâfahah with the
person you intend to see.

25
5.) When making musâfahah, the hands should not contain
anything. Some people make musafahah with money in their
hands. In this way, they present a gift. This is improper.
Musâfahah is a sunnah act which is an act of worship. It should
not be corrupted with a worldly deed.
6.) When making musâfahah, take into consideration the
pleasure and comfort of the one with whom you intend to make
musâfahah. Do not adopt a method which will inconvenience
him. At times, an âlim or buzurg gives a lecture, after which he is
tired. People all desire to make musâfahah with him. They should
rather be considerate and look at his comfort, instead of their
own benefit.
7.) Many people after making musâfahah kiss their hands or
place it on their heart. This practise should be discontinued.
8.) Muânaqah means for two people to bring their necks close to
each other (which would also normally result in their chests to
touch). Muânaqah is done to show respect and honour when
welcoming a Muslim brother after a journey or when meeting
after a lengthy separation. When making muânaqah, embracing
on one side will suffice.
Muânaqah is not permissible if done out of lust and desire. If a
person has to make muânaqah with his mother, mother-in-law,
daughter or daughter-in-law and lust is present, the results are
disastrous. Marriages can dissolve because of this. For details,
refer to the ulamâ. Great caution needs to be exercised.

26
 ETIQUETTES OF SEEKING PERMISSION
1.) Before entering a house or any place of privacy, it is necessary
to seek permission. Do not enter without permission.
2.) Stand outside and proclaim the salâm. Then seek permission
in any language. If asked, “Who is there?” then do not say, “Me”
or any other ambiguous statement which will perplex the person
inside. Mention the name by which you are well known by the
person inside. If you are known as Mufti, Moulana, doctor, etc.
then there is no harm in stating so as long as the intention is
identification and not pride.
When asked, “Who is there?” many people reply by saying “As
salâmualaikum.” This is incorrect. They should mention their
name as well. If there is a jamât or a group of people, one should
state so, e.g. Muhammed is here with a jamât.
3.) If the curtain is open, do not look into the house. Looking into
the house is like intruding without permission. Stand at the side
of the door and knock or ring the bell.
4.) If you are living with your parents and even if you have to
serve them, seek permission before entering their private room/
quarters.
5.) In public places like masjids, airports, hospitals, there is no
need to seek permission to enter. However one should abide by
the rules mentioned there. For example, certain places are
marked “No entry.” It is not permissible to enter there without
permission from the authorities. In hospitals, there are visiting
hours as well as a limit of visitors. One must abide by these rules.

27
 ETIQUETTES OF A GATHERING

1.) When you have to wait for someone in a gathering, do not sit
in such a place or in such a way as to convey that you are waiting.
The action will create unnecessary anxiety upon the one you are
waiting for. Sit down quietly at a distance from the person in an
inconspicuous way. (An emergency will obviously be excluded
from this rule.)
2.) When going to meet a person, then on arrival inform him in
some way of your presence. Such notification may be by salâm,
speech or by sitting in such a place where you may be observed.
(This rule does not apply to a public gathering.) Without having
informed the person of your arrival, do not sit down in such a
place which conceals your presence. It is quite possible that he
may engage in some conservation which is not for other ears. In
this way, the private affairs of another person may be unwittingly
overheard. It is not permissible to overhear the secrets and
private affairs of others without their consent. If you hear
someone engaging in a private discussion without having
knowledge of your presence, then immediately leave that place.
If the speaker is under the impression that you are asleep, then
immediately reveal that you are awake. If the matter being
discussed pertains to the infliction of harm or loss to you or any
Muslim, then it will be permissible to overhear such schemes to
enable you to protect yourself and others.
3.) When sitting in the company of a person, do not sit so close
as to cause inconvenience to him, or so far that it becomes
difficult to conduct the conversation with ease.
28
4.) Do not stare at a person who is involved in some work. This
distracts his attention and distracts his peace.
5.) It is disrespectful to unnecessarily sit directly behind someone
in close proximity. The person in front is disturbed.
6.) When someone is sitting and engaged in some work do not
stand in his presence waiting for him to attend to you. Sit down
and address him as soon as he is relieved.
7.) When going to meet a person do not sit with him so long as
to inconvenience him or cause an impediment in his work.
8.) Where people are gathered do not spit or clean your nose in
their presence unnecessarily. For such acts, leave their presence.
9.) When leaving a gathering which was organized to discuss
certain issues, do not leave without the consent of the amîr
(leader) of the assembly.
10.) It is not permissible to remain in a gathering where any law
of the Sharî’ah is being violated. Participating in such a gathering
is not lawful.
11.) “Gatherings are held in trust.” It is therefore not permissible
to publicize the discussion of a gathering. However, if the
gathering is a conspiracy to destroy the life, property or
reputation of a Muslim, then it will not be permissible to conceal
such a plot.
12.) While the talk is in progress, the newcomer should not make
salâm or shake hands. This disturbs the speaker and distracts the
attention of the audience.

29
13.) When arriving at a gathering early, sit in front. Latecomers
should sit at the back wherever they are able to find place. They
should not attempt to force their way to the front. Some people
arriving late on Fridays at the masjid penetrate the rows ahead
of them in their attempts to obtain sitting place in front. Such
inconsiderate action has been severely criticized in the hadîth.
14.) Without a valid reason, do not lean against a wall when in a
gathering listening to a discourse. This is highly disrespectful.
15.) If there is ample sitting place available, do not sit with your
back towards anyone.
16.) When leaving a gathering, do not stand in the doorway
greeting people or making conversation, causing a hindrance to
others who wish to leave.

When sitting in a lecture, keep the following points in mind:

a.) Do not greet if the lecture is in progress.
b.) Even if one knows what the speaker is speaking about, he
should listen to it attentively as though he is hearing it for the
first time. By the blessings of this, Allâh  will grant a person
greater understanding of the subject matter.
c.) If taking down notes, avoid making unnecessary disturbing
sounds by rustling pages, dragging the pen/pencil across the
book, etc.
d.) Disperse immediately after the program. Avoid getting
involved in unnecessary talking.
e.) Sit with the intention of one’s reformation, and not to criticize
or find faults.
30
f.) One should pay full attention to the speaker. Even if some-one
arrives or there is some disturbance, the listeners should keep
their attention focussed on the speaker. They should not look
around.

A few additional points for women-folk:

a.) If children are small and they will disturb, then it is best that
one stays at home or makes other arrangements to look after
them.
b.) If children are taken along, their shoes/sandals should be
removed as well.
c.) If children have messed the carpet with food or drink, it is the
responsibility of the mother to clean up before leaving.
d.) If a handbag is taken, look after it carefully. Do not place it
next to one, as this occupies space. Rather place it on one’s lap.
e.) When sitting down, one should ensure that her cloak is not
taut/tight over the buttocks, thus revealing the shape. One
should wear a trouser. If not, the cloak should never be above
the knees as the inner thigh will be exposed which is a major sin.
Wear cloaks that are stitched down and not open in front, so that
if sitting down, one’s satr is not exposed.
f.) Never record (video or audio) any female speaker who is giving
advice, as a woman’s picture and voice has to be concealed.
g.) Those arranging the programmes should ensure that there is
thick and comfortable flooring, so that an individual is
comfortable for the entire duration of the programme. At times,
31
thin sheets are placed which moves around, causing people to sit
on the hard floor. There is also the risk of slipping and getting
hurt.
h.) It is best that the speaker faces the entrance, with the
audience facing their backs to the entrance, so that the least
amount of distraction occurs. This does not allow the listener to
see who is coming in late.

ETIQUETTES OF SPEECH

1.) Some people do not speak clearly. They speak ambiguously

and with formality. They hint whilst speaking. The listener
sometimes does not get the message clearly and sometimes he
understands wrongly. This causes much inconvenience.
Therefore, speak clearly, without ambiguity.
2.) Speak from in front of a person, not from behind. Speaking
from behind a person is perplexing.
3.) When renewing a request to a person, then mention it fully
inspite of it having been stated before. Do not express yourself
incompletely or ambiguously relying on an earlier explanation. It
is possible that the earlier explanation has been partly forgotten;
hence the listener may misunderstand the request if it is
renewed without clarity.
4.) Some people sitting at the back in a gathering clear their
throats or cough in order to attract attention to themselves. If
there is a real need to say something, go in front and in
appropriate manner explain. However this should not be done

32
unnecessarily. It is improper to disturb a person involved in some
work. Wait for the person to complete his task, then address him.
5.) When one topic is still being discussed, do not commence
another.
6.) When asked about something, reply in full, without
ambiguity. Do not reply with confusing statements which
necessitate repeated questioning.
7.) If you have to speak privately about a person who happens to
be present, do not indicate this to another by means of the sign
of the hand or eye. Do not let him realize that you are at all
discussing him. This will apply if the discussion regarding him is
permissible. If the discussion is not lawful, then discussing him
will be sinful.
8.) Futile speech hardens the heart even if the talk is permissible.
9.) Hadrat Alî  said that one should speak to people what they
are able to understand. Do not discuss with them things which
are beyond their intellectual capacities. Hadrat Ali  added, “Do
you wish them to refute Allâh and His messenger?”
Some people will not hesitate to reject such deeni narrations
which they are unable to comprehend. Hadrat Ibn Masûd  said,
“When you mention to people such things which are beyond
their intellectual capacities, then such talks will most certainly
become a cause for the corruption of some people.”
10.) Do not adopt the speech styles and slang of those who are
ignorant of the din.

33
11.) Be moderate in speech. Do not expand the discussion so
much that people become tired and perplexed nor abbreviate
the talk to such an extent that the aim and object of the
discussion are not understood.
12.) A female should exercise care when speaking. She should
not allow herself to be heard by men unnecessarily. In a like
manner, a man should not express himself sentimentally in the
presence of females. It is obligatory that a man abstains from
reciting poetry and expressing himself melodiously in front of
females (i.e. such females for whom the Shari law of hijab
applies.).
13.) Do not mumble when speaking. Speak clearly. Be to the
point.
14.) Think before speaking. Sometimes a wrong statement
uttered without thinking leads one to Jahannum. By inculcating
the habit of thinking before speaking, one will obtain salvation
from this calamity.
15.) Do not insult or curse anyone or anything e.g. do not say,
enemy of Allâh, fâsiq etc.
16.) Do not be two-tongued, expressing views in the presence of
a person intending to please him, but when in the company of
another holding another view, speaking to please him.
17.) Never engage in gossiping, slandering or backbiting. It is also
prohibited to even backbite children, non-Muslims and insane
persons. To deliberately listen to this backbiting is as one has
done the action himself. Backbiting refers to mentioning some

34
weakness in a person which in reality is within him. If the quality
is not in him, then this is slander.
18.) Do not unnecessarily praise anyone.
19.) Do not become involved in persistent debate and argument.
When you realize that the person is not prepared to accept the
truth, maintain silence. Do not become bigoted. Bigotry is
exceptionally evil.
20.) Abstain from statements in which there is neither religious
nor worldly benefit.
21.) Do not curse or speak ill of time. Time is blameless. By
implication, the criticism is directed to Allâh . (Na’ûthubillah)
22.) Do not praise those who are not upholders of the dîn.
(However this does not mean that one may look down upon
them.)
23.) In the presence of others do not use such words which are
considered uncultured. Express yourself in a cultured manner
e.g. use words such as ‘the call of nature,’ etc.
24.) Where there are three people, two should not speak by
whispering to one another, nor should they speak in a language
which the third does not understand.
25.) While two persons are speaking, a third one should not
interrupt or present his views unless asked to do so.
26.) When someone is about to relate an incident to you, then
even if you are aware of it, do not silence him by saying that you
know about it. Listen to him with the intention of pleasing him.

35
27.) Do not camouflage your error, giving it an interpretation to
avoid the error being known. Acknowledge the error and offer an
apology. Even acknowledging one’s error fifty times does not
appear as bad as offering a devious interpretation once.
28.) Do not indulge in story-telling unnecessarily. Do not waste
the time of a busy person by prolonging the conversation with
small talk.
29.) Do not answer unnecessary objections. If you feel that the
objector’s motive is only to object, not to learn or understand the
truth, maintain silence or tell him, “Go! You have understood it
so.”
30.) On obtaining an answer for your question, do not maintain
silence. If you have understood the answer, declare it in some
way. If not, then ask for clarification.
31.) Most people suffer from the malady of stating their case
incompletely. This causes perplexity. State your case fully.
32.) Speak the truth, but not harshly and rudely. Declare the
truth respectfully and in soft words. Do not speak in terms
intended to hurt others.
33.) Do not speak regarding a matter, nor spread any news which
you have not confirmed. Be careful of this, especially on social
media.
34.) Do not speak sarcastically nor mockingly of anyone.
35.) Do not crack jokes which are hurting to others or speak in a
way which embarrasses people.
36.) Do not call anyone by nicknames which they do not like.
36
37.) Do not speak on the basis of mere suspicion. While you are
entitled to save yourself on the basis of suspicion, it is not
permissible to blame someone or accuse him on the basis of
suspicion.
38.) Never pass judgement after listening to one side of a story.
The other person should be called to present his side of the story
before any judgement is passed.
39.) When someone thanks you by saying jazakallâhu khairan, do
not say, “Don’t mention it.” Rather say âmîn, because the phrase
‘jazakallâhu khairan’ is a duâ, which means, “May Allâh
recompense you with goodness.”
40.) When a conversation takes place or someone asks about
something, do not go into a lengthy, detailed explanation.
Consider the other person. He may be in a hurry to get his
answer, or he may become bored with your blabbering.

ETIQUETTES OF LISTENING TO SPEECH

1.) Listen attentively. If any part of the talk is not clear or there is
a doubt, seek clarification from the speaker immediately. Do not
act on what has been said on the basis of your opinion.
2.) When someone calls you, reply immediately so that the
person knows that you have heard him.
3.) When someone speaks to you, do not listen with indifference.
This attitude will hurt his feelings. This applies to a greater extent
when someone speaks for your benefit or answers your

37
question. When your ustâdh or shaikh speaks, apply your full
attention to him.
4.) When someone assigns a task to you, express your intention
verbally. Say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, etc. Perhaps you have no intention of
doing the work and by your silence the speaker gains the
impression that you have agreed to undertake the task. After
completing the task, notify him, so that he does not remain in
anticipation.
5.) When someone speaks ill of your ustâdh or elder, defend him.
If one is unable to do so, then leave that place.
6.) After having listened attentively to your ustâdhs/shaikh’s
discourse and you did not understand anything, attribute it to
your defective understanding and inattentiveness. Do not
attribute it to your senior.
7.) It is not permissible to listen to music and singing. The heart
is corrupted thereby. Evil dominates the nafs. Music spurs the
evil qualities of the lowly nafs. The inclination to commit wrong
is thus stirred in man. Whatever leads to harâm is also harâm.
8.) Avoid listening to the voices of females and young boys. A
woman should exercise caution in this regard. She should ensure
that her voice does not reach the ears of males for whom the
laws of hijâb apply.
9.) Do not get up and leave while someone is addressing you. This
will hurt the feelings of the speaker, and will show your
unappreciativeness of the talk. This applies to lawful talk. If the
talk is not lawful, then it will not be permissible to listen to it.

38
10.) When listening to a lecture, do not engage in any other
conversation or tasbih, dhikr, etc. Pay attention to the discourse.
Engaging in another action is disrespectful and shows
ingratitude. Switch off the cell-phone. It is extremely rude to
take or receive calls as well as to text messages during a lecture.
11.) If you have not understood, say so. Do not pretend that you
have understood.
12.) It is highly disrespectful to remain silent after having heard
the question. Similarly, it is disrespectful and cause for much
annoyance to reply after some delay.

ETIQUETTES OF CORRESPONDENCE

1.) Do not read the letters, sms’s, emails or messages of others.

Do not read any correspondence in front of any person. Perhaps
it was meant to be hidden from you. However if parents read the
letters of their children, an ustâdh reads the letters of his
students, etc. then such reading is permissible and at times
necessary since the object is the reformation of the one
concerned.
2.) When writing, write clearly. The topic should not be
expressed ambiguously.
3.) Think before writing a sentence. Consider the feelings of the
addressee.
4.) If the addressee is one who has many occupations, do not
encumber him with requests to convey your salâms. Similarly do
not impose this task on your seniors.
39
5.) Do not be too brief and do not unnecessarily write long
letters. It becomes difficult to answer lengthy letters.
6.) When a female writes to her shaikh, etc. the letter must be
checked by a mahram male (husband, father, etc.) The shaikh too
should allow his wife open access to his correspondence. This
closes the door to mischief.
7.) The letter should be written in the language of the addressee.
8.) Where there is a need to discuss more than one subject in a
single letter, do not write confusingly. Number the subjects and
write in different paragraphs.
9.) It is not permissible to utilize the stationery of one’s
employers for one’s private letters, except if permission is
granted.
10.) When the need arises to obtain a sharî ruling for one’s
practical purposes, not for debating and arguing, then pose the
question to a reliable, authoritative âlim on whom you have
confidence. Ask only the mas’alah, and not for the proof.
11.) Once a question has been posed to a reliable âlim, do not
unnecessarily ask the same question to another âlim. If, after
taking into consideration the above factors, you are not satisfied
with the answer, then refer the matter to another âlim of similar
qualifications and attributes. If his answer contradicts the answer
of the first âlim, do not refer it to the first âlim, nor inform the
second of the reply of the first. Fearing Allâh  and remembering
reckoning of the hereafter, act according to the answer which
satisfies you. This act of choosing can only be resorted to if one
had heard or learnt of something conflicting against this view
40
prior to having it referred to another âlim. Some people refer the
same question to several places. They then follow that which
soothes their desires. This is contrary to piety and constitutes
mocking at the dîn.

ETIQUETTES OF EMAIL MESSAGING

1.) In communicating with one another, the key principles of dîn

must always be in the forefront of our mind before information
is exchanged. Never send messages containing: 1.) Gossip 2.)
Back-biting or slandering (i.e. messages of faults of other people)
3.) Messages of pride or show 4.) Controversial messages which
could cause more harm than good 5.) Non-factual content and
not backed up with sound evidence or knowledge of the message
one intends to communicate 6.) No value and just SPAM
(irrelevant or unsolicited messages sent over the Internet).

The following guidelines must be considered in using SMS, email

and all messaging applications as a means of communication:-
1.) Be concise and to the point – In many cases, if messages are
too long, no one will read it.
2.) Use proper spelling, grammar & punctuation- This is not only
important because improper spelling, grammar and punctuation
can be misleading, it is also important for conveying the message
properly. Emails or messages with no full stops or commas are
difficult to read and can sometimes even change the meaning of
the text.

41
3.) Answer swiftly - A person sends an email or message because
they wish to receive a quick response. If they did not want a quick
response they would send a letter or a fax. Therefore, each email
should be replied to within at least 24 hours, and preferably
within the same working day. If the email is complicated, just
send an email back saying that you have received it and that you
will get back to them. This will put the other person's mind at
rest.
4.) Do not attach unnecessary files – By sending large
attachments you can annoy the recipient and even bring down
their email system. Wherever possible try to compress
attachments and only send attachments when they are
productive. Moreover, you need to have a good virus scanner in
place since your recipients will not be very happy if you send
them documents full of viruses!
***Never send videos and pictures of people as this is
prohibited. Included are pictures of animals, fish, children,
deceased and pious people.
5.) Use proper structure & layout - Since reading from a screen is
more difficult than reading from paper, the structure and layout
is very important for messages. Use short paragraphs and blank
lines between each paragraph. When making points, number
them or mark each point as separate to keep the overview.
6.) Do not overuse the high priority option - If you overuse the
high priority option, it will lose its function when you really need
it. Moreover, even if a mail has high priority, your message will
come across as slightly aggressive if you flag it as 'high priority'.

42
7.) Do not write in capitals - if you write in capitals it seems as if
you are shouting.
8.) Don't leave out the message thread - When you reply to an
email, you must include the original mail in your reply, in other
words click 'Reply', instead of 'New Mail'. If you receive many
messages you obviously cannot remember each individual email
or message. This means that a 'threadless email or message' will
not provide enough information and you will have to spend a
frustratingly long time to find out the context of the email or
message in order to deal with it. Leaving the thread might take a
fraction longer in download time, but it will save the recipient
much more time and frustration in looking for the related emails
or messages in their inbox!
9.) Add disclaimers to your emails - It is important to add
disclaimers to your internal and external mails, since this can
help protect your company from liability. Consider the following
scenario: an employee accidentally forwards a virus to a
customer by email. The customer decides to sue your company
for damages. If you add a disclaimer at the bottom of every
external mail, saying that the recipient must check each email for
viruses and that it cannot be held liable for any transmitted
viruses, this will surely be of help to you in court
10.) Take care with abbreviations and emoticons and slang. (An
emoticon is a pictorial representation of a facial expression. It
expresses — usually by means of punctuation marks (though it
can include numbers and letters) — a person's feelings or mood.)

43
In emails or messages, try not to use abbreviations such as BTW
(by the way) and LOL (laugh out loud). The recipient might not be
aware of the meanings of the abbreviations and in Islam we are
taught to use proper language constructs. The same goes for
emoticons, such as the smiley. If you are not sure whether your
recipient knows what it means, it is better not to use it. Smileys
with faces should be avoided. Instead make use of flowers, etc.
11.) Do not forward chain emails or messages. Most of them are
hoaxes. Just delete the messages as soon as you receive them.
Also avoid having lengthy discussions and replies on groups as
this is just waste of time. Chain messages which threaten loss of
life, wealth or blessings (barakah) is nonsense. Delete those
messages, never pass them on, and have yaqîn (conviction) in
Allâh .

12.) Do not copy a message or attachment belonging to another

user without permission of the originator. If you do not ask
permission first, you might be infringing on copyright laws.
13.) Do not use email to discuss confidential information.
Sending an email or messages is like sending a postcard. If you
don't want your email or messages to be displayed on a bulletin
board, don't send it. Moreover, never make statements that are
not in accordance to Dîni principles or could hold you liable in
court, even if they are meant to be a joke.
14.) Use a meaningful subject - Try to use a subject that is
meaningful to the recipient as well as yourself. For instance,
when you send an email to a person requesting information
about a kitâb, it is better to mention the actual name of the kitâb,
44
e.g. 'AnwaarusSalaah information' than to just say 'kitâb
information' or ‘Bookshop Query’ in the subject.
15.) Avoid using the words URGENT and IMPORTANT. - Even
more so than the high-priority option, you must at all times try
to avoid these types of words in an email or subject line. Only use
this if it is a really, really urgent or important message.
16.) Don't forward virus hoaxes and chain letters - If you receive
an email message warning you of a new unstoppable virus that
will immediately delete everything from your computer, this is
most probably a hoax. By forwarding hoaxes you use valuable
bandwidth and sometimes virus hoaxes contain viruses
themselves, by attaching a so-called file that will stop the
dangerous virus. The same goes for chain letters that promise
incredible riches or ask your help for a charitable cause. Even if
the content seems to be bona fide, the senders are usually not.
Since it is impossible to find out whether a chain letter is real or
not, the best place for it is the recycle bin.
17.) Don't reply to spam - By replying to spam or by
unsubscribing, you are confirming that your email address is
'live'. Confirming this will only generate even more spam.
Therefore, just hit the delete button or use email software to
remove spam automatically.
18.) Use Dîni terminology in messages and emails. Use word such
as As-salâmu-alaikum, In-shâ-Allâh, Mâ-sha-Allâh, JazâkAllâhu
khairan.
19.) Avoid distributing your contacts to others without
permission.
45
20.) Remember email, sms and whatsapp are not for
emergencies. If you need to get in touch with someone, or you
need an urgent reply, call the person.

ETIQUETTES OF MEETING ONE ANOTHER

1.) When you go to meet a person do not disturb him by intruding

while he is busy. If for example, he is engaged in tilâwat, wazîfah
or he is in privacy or sleeping or preparing to sleep or involved in
something else in which he will be disturbed if you intrude or he
may be inconvenienced by your intrusion, then at such a time do
not greet or shake hands. Either go away and return later or wait
elsewhere (where his attention will not be attracted). If the
matter is urgent and requires immediate attention, seek his
permission first.
2.) When having arrived at the venue of the person whom you
wish to meet, inform him of your presence either by salâm,
speech, etc. Do not sit in a concealed place or in such a way that
he has not learnt of your presence. Perhaps he wishes to say
something which is not intended for your ears. It is evil to listen
in to another person’s secrets without his consent. If you realize
that the discussion in progress is not for your ears, immediately
take leave.
3.) When meeting someone with whom you have no informal
association, do not ask him about the condition of his home
affairs. Similarly, do not ask him about his source of earning,
possessions, etc.

46
4.) On meeting a person, do not linger too long as to cause him
inconvenience or to constitute an impediment in his activity.
5.) When meeting someone, do so pleasantly and smilingly so as
to please him.
6.) When meeting someone for the first time, remember the
following things:
a.) Introduce yourself. State your name.
b.) State your hometown or the country or city from where you
are coming.
c.) State the purpose of your visit.

7.) If a person mistakes you for another, then immediately rectify

him and state your identity.
8.) When meeting a person, do not pick up any letter, paper or
book from nearby to read.
9.) When someone comes to meet you (and if you are sitting),
get up or move slightly. In this is respect for the visitor.
10.) Be presentable before others. Use itr (perfume) and miswâk,
especially after eating something with a foul smell. Wash and
comb your beard and hair occasionally.

ETIQUETTES OF SERVICE (KHIDMAT)

1.) Some persons do not prefer accepting service from others.

The one who wishes to render service to such persons should not
insist on doing so. The one who is served is perplexed and
inconvenienced by such service. The attitude of a person can be

47
understood either by his explicit refusal or by some other
indication.
2.) Upon accomplishing a duty which someone has requested of
you, inform him after it has been done. In most cases, he will be
waiting in expectation.
3.) Rendering physical service to one’s shaikh on the first
occasion of meeting him maybe annoying to him. Should one be
eager to render service to the shaikh, one should first establish a
relationship.
4.) While there is comfort in service, there are three conditions:
a.) Sincerity: The motive must be none other than love. Many
people utilize khidmah (service) as a medium for the attainment
of motives.
b.) Congeniality: The heart of the person serving and the one
being served should be one. There should be congeniality
(munâsabat) between them. They should not be strangers.
c.) Ability: The person rendering the service should know how to
render the service he is to undertake.
5.) Respect and honour people according to their rank.
6.) As far as possible, assist a person in need. If you are unable to
assist, intercede on his behalf so that someone else may render
the assistance. However, when interceding, first establish
whether your intercession will not inconvenience the person.
7.) By assisting orphans, one will be blessed with companionship
of Rasulullâh  in Jannah.

48
8.) Those who see to the needs of widows and needy relatives
obtain the reward of jihad.
9.) Aiding the oppressed is necessary. Sympathy for the
oppressor is to prevent him from committing injustices.
10.) The service of giving people water to drink is an act of great
reward. If done in a place where water is in abundance, one gets
the reward of freeing a slave. Where water is less, the reward is
equivalent to resurrecting a dead person to life.
11.) By assisting someone with insignificant items e.g. some salt
for food, the reward is as if one has prepared the food.
12.) Service to neighbours occupies a very important place in
Islam. Be kind to them. Tolerate their indiscreetness and
disturbances. Do not do anything which will upset them or annoy
them. If they are in need, tend to them as best as you can.
13.) Service rendered to Muslims in Makkah Mukarramah and
Madinah Munawwarah should be regarded as worship and good
fortune provided there is no Sharî prohibition involved in
rendering the service.
14.) Be kind and render service to relatives even though they may
be unkind to you.

ETIQUETTES OF GIFTS

1.) The actual purpose of giving a gift is to strengthen the bond

of love. It should not be the fulfilment of one’s need or request.
Therefore, if you have a need to present to a person, do not make
over a gift to him at the same time. The other person is either
49
put to disgrace or is indirectly compelled to comply with the
request of the person who presented the gift (which in fact is a
bribe.) Any gift tendered with the motive to obtain some other
benefit in lieu is bribery. If the underlying motive is to gain
reward, then this will not be a gift, but charity.
2.) Immediately after accepting a gift, it is not proper to give it in
charity in the presence of the one who made the gift. Contribute
it in the absence of the person in a way which will not be known
to him, otherwise he will be grieved.
3.) Make the gift in privacy, not in public. The person to whom
the gift was made to is entitled to make the gift public.
4.) If the gift is in kind (i.e. not cash) then try to find out the likes
and preferences of the other person. Present something which
he prefers and will utilize.
5.) A gift should not be refused because of its slight value or small
quantity. It should not be refused on account of pride or
arrogance.
6.) It is not permissible to accept gifts from mentally deranged
persons as well as minors.
7.) A gift should not be presented while shaking hands.
(musâfahah).
8.) When a gift is made, the price of the item should not be asked
of the one who makes the gift. Similarly, others who happen to
be present when the gift is made should also not query the price
or value of the article in the presence of the one who gave the
gift.

50
9.) Some people feel that when going to visit a pious person, it is
necessary to present a gift to him. This is incorrect. To make it a
rule to present a gift always is harmful to all parties.
10.) Accept gifts from such people who do not expect anything in
return, otherwise it will lead to ill-feeling finally. However the
one who received the gift should try to give something in return.
If one does not have the means, at least praise the person and
express your gratitude. Mention his favour in the presence of
others. Express gratitude by saying “JazâkAllâhu khair” (May
Allâh  reward you with goodness!)
11.) It is improper to completely forget about a gift which one
has received as this shows lack of appreciation. Similarly, it is
improper to advertise with pride the great value or abundance
of gifts one received.
12.) If for some reason, acceptance of the gift is refused, then
respectfully request the reason for the refusal. For the future,
bear it in mind. Do not insist to obtain the reason at that time. If
the gift is refused because of some misunderstanding or
misinformation, then notify the person of the error.

ETIQUETTES OF LOANS

1.) Do not borrow from such a person who is unable to refuse

inspite of not being disposed to lend. Never borrow from him if
by some signs or indications you are able to discern that he is not
happy to lend. If it is a person whom you know will not regard it
as difficult to give the loan or he will not readily refuse, then a
loan may be sought from him.
51
2.) As far as possible, avoid taking a loan. If you are forced, be
concerned about repayment. Do not adopt an uncaring attitude.
Loans should not be acquired for luxuries, only basic necessities
if compelled. Exercise patience and be contented with what Allâh
 has granted you.
3.) If the creditor rebukes or speaks harshly, the debtor should
adopt patience and listen in silence. The creditor has a right to
rebuke his debtor for default of payment.
4.) If you owe anyone anything, be it cash or an article borrowed,
make a note of it as a wasiyyat (directive) so that one’s heirs will
know what to do in the event of one’s death.
5.) When repaying a debt, make a dua as well for the creditor and
express your gratitude.
6.) If the debtor is in difficulty, the creditor should not pressurize
him. He should happily grant him an extension. If the creditor has
the means, he should waive the debt or part of the debt for a
hard-pressed debtor. There is great reward for this. Allâh  will
further lighten the hardships of Qiyâmah for one who waives
debts.
7.) There is greater reward for granting a loan than for giving
charity. Consider it therefore an act of goodness and good
fortune to give a needy person a loan. Islâm encourages loaning
people interest-free loans. Great virtues have been mentioned
for this action. However, one should not give a loan if he will fall
into difficulty if the money is not repaid in time.

52
8.) If the debtor is unable to pay and he wishes to make
arrangements with another person to assume liability for
payments, then readily agree to this arrangement. Do not
unnecessarily refuse this arrangement if there is reasonable
hope for payment to be forthcoming. Such an arrangement is
called hawâlah in Islam. There is great reward in it.
9.) Poor and needy persons should not keep in trust any articles
of others. It is quite possible that in their moments of need the
nafs overwhelms them and they make use of the article or sell it.
10.) When obtaining a loan, keep a record of it, and when making
payment, then too.
11.) Taking a loan is indeed a very lamentable act. If one dies
without having liquidated the debt, the soul remains suspended,
entry to Jannah being blocked.
12.) The act of postponing payment when one has the means to
pay is an act of oppression. Some people have the habit of
making the creditor run to and fro. They attempt to avoid
payment by making false promises and forwarding excuses while
they are in a position to pay.
13.) If a person is unable to pay on the due date, then he should
at least contact the creditor and inform him of his situation. He
should also inform him of the arrangements he is making to fulfil
the debt.

ETIQUETTES OF INTERCESSION

53
1.) It is not permissible to apply any kind of pressure, direct or
indirect, on the person to whom the intercession is directed. A
man cannot take advantage of his prominence or rank to compel
another to submit to his request. This is not intercession.
2.) Intercession is a branch of mashwarah (consultation) which
cannot be imposed on anyone.
3.) If a person rejects the intercession, he will be acting fully
within his rights. It is improper to take offence if one’s
intercession is not accepted.
4.) If by indications one realizes that the intercession cannot be
rejected, e.g. the person is under some obligation, hence he has
no alternative other than complying, then such intercession is
not permissible.
5.) In any matter, intercession should not be made without first
having made investigation.

ETIQUETTES OF A PROMISE

1.) Fulfil a promise made. Do not act in conflict with a promise

without any valid reason. Do not make a promise if you have no
intention of fulfilling it.
2.) Do not make promises in haste, or in a state of extreme anger
or happiness.
3.) Do not make promises pertaining to unlawful things. It is not
permissible to fulfil such unlawful promises.
4.) If a child is enticed with something, it will also be a promise
which should be honoured. Abdullah ibn Âmir  narrates that one
54
day (while he was a child), his mother called him saying that she
had something to give to him. Rasulullâh  who happened to be
present asked, “What do you intend giving to him?” Âmir’s
mother replied, “I intend to give him some dates.” Rasulullâh 
commented, “If you did not give him anything, a lie will be
recorded against you.”

ETIQUETTES OF THE TELEPHONE

1.) Always speak clearly so that your message is properly relayed

and the opposite party understands you.
2.) One should use simple uncomplicated language so that the
opposite party does not have any difficulty in understanding.
3.) The caller should always identify himself or the company he
is calling from. Also, one should clearly identify himself when
leaving a voice message so that the person retrieving the
message is not left confused.
4.) If one receives an undesired call from a marketing or telesales
company then one should inform the sales person in an even
tone that he is not interested in the products or services offered.
Don’t be rude to the opposite party in any way.
5.) If one places a call on hold, he should continuously check
whether the caller has been connected or not. Do not leave
people waiting.
6.) One should not chew gum or eat whilst talking on the phone
as this may frustrate the listener (listening to one chewing on the
phone).
55
7.) If there happens to be a cross-line, one should not listen to
another person’s conversation,
8.) When you phone someone to discuss a lengthy issue, first ask
if you may speak and whether the other person has time or not.
If not, ask for a suitable time to phone.
9.) When some-one else phones for some work or to ask
something, be brief in your answer. Do not go into lengthy
conversations at the expense of the other’s time and money.
10.) One should not chip in whilst the other is speaking. He
should wait until he has finished saying what he wishes to say.
However the person speaking should also be considerate. He
should not speak so long not giving the other the opportunity to
speak.
11.) Many people, more so women have the evil habit of
speaking together. There is no benefit in this as no message is
conveyed to the other party.
12.) Take into consideration the time you are phoning. It should
not be too late at night, or too early in the morning, nor at eating
times, unless there is an emergency. Do not

ETIQUETTES OF THE CELL-PHONE1

1.) One must inculcate the habit of switching off the cell-phone
before entering the masjid, commencing salâh or sitting in a

1Extracted and abridged from ‘Laws pertaining to the use of the cellular
phone’ by Mufti Muhammad Salmaan Mansurpuri – translated in English by
Madrasah Taaleemuddeen, Isipingo Beach] with some additions
56
tâlim program. If one forgot to do so and the phone starts
ringing, then with a slight movement, one should cut the call. For
example, in salâh, one can cut the call by placing his hand in his
pocket. There is no need to break the salâh. If one allows the
phone to continue ringing, his salâh will be valid, but he will be
guilty for disturbing others in salâh. If the phone rings again, then
too one can cut the call. One should not break his salâh to cut the
call.
2.) It is incorrect to utilize verses of the Qurân, the adhân or nâ’ts
as a ring tone, since the purpose of the ring tone is to inform you
that someone wishes to speak to you. It is forbidden to use words
of dhikr for this purpose. Furthermore, the phone may ring in the
toilet. This will be gross disrespect to these great words.
3.) It is forbidden and a severe sin to have a musical ring tone on
one’s phone.
4.) Listening to music, viewing films, pictures of animate objects,
sports like cricket, soccer, etc. are forbidden and an act of sin.
Taking photographs is an even greater sin. Rasulullah  said, “The
person who will be severest punished on the Day of Judgement
will be those who take photographs.”
Playing games on the cell-phone is a futile act and waste of time.
It is necessary to refrain from it. Listening to religious talks and
permissible nâ’ts are allowed, provided it is not accompanied by
pictures, and does not cause one to miss salâh or other necessary
works.
5.) If one phones someone else and is put on hold and music is
played, one will not be sinful if forced to listen. The sin will be on
57
the party who set the tone on the phone. However, the one
waiting should engage in dhikr or tilâwat to counter the effects
of the music. He should rather keep the phone at a slight distance
from his ear just enough for him to hear when the music has
ended. Those who own businesses should ensure that there is no
musical tone on their side when customers are put on hold.
6.) One is allowed to display the names of Allâh , Rasulullâh 
or any Qurânic verses on the main screen. However, in this case,
one should ensure that the phone is switched off when entering
the toilet. One should also not keep the phone in one’s trouser
pocket, as this will amount to disrespect. If these texts are not
displayed but merely stored in the phone, then it is permissible
to go to the toilet with it and to keep the phone in the trouser
pocket.
7.) It is incorrect for one to charge one’s phone in the local
masjid. If someone did so, it will be incumbent on him to deposit
some money into the masjid fund. A person in I’tikâf, or a
traveller may charge his phone out of necessity. However as a
precaution, he should estimate how much electricity was utilized
and donate the money to the masjid. As for public places where
facilities are allowed for general usage, one may charge one’s
phone.
After charging one’s cell-phone, he should switch off the plug and
remove the charger from the socket. Not to do so is wastage of
electricity.
8.) It is not permissible to record someone’s conversation on a
cell-phone without his consent.

58
9.) If one is in the toilet and the cell-phone rings, then it is best
that one cuts the call.
10.) Rasulullâh  prohibited idle talk as well as wastage of wealth.
Therefore, one should use the cell-phone according to necessity.
11.) If you are engaged in a conversation with some-one and then
your cell-phone rings, seek permission from the person before
you answer as he has a greater right, since he was speaking to
you first.
12.) It is highly disrespectful to text messages whilst another
person is talking to you. The phone should not be used in the
presence of other people whilst engaging in a conversation.
13.) It is impermissible to browse through the cell phone of
another individual without their permission.
14.) If a woman has to answer her cell-phone in a public place,
she should not speak loudly, laugh, etc. She should speak to the
point and ensure that others cannot hear her voice.
15.) One should never flaunt one’s sophisticated cell-phone in
front of others with pride.
16.) Do not use the cell-phone unnecessarily while in the
presence of any senior person, such as your parents, ustâdh or
shaikh.

ETIQUETTES OF ILLNESS AND VISITING THE SICK

1.) If a person suffers from an illness, wound, sore, boil, etc.

located in the region of his private parts, do not ask him about
the nature of his illness. It is embarrassing to do so.
59
2.) Do not express yourself in the presence of the sick or his
family in a manner which makes them lose hope. Comfort them
by telling them that Insha-Allâh, all difficulty will come to an end.
3.) Should one obtain some information regarding injury, illness
or death of a person, do not speak about it until you have reliably
confirmed it, especially to the person’s relatives. If the
information was false, unnecessary grief would have been
caused.
4.) If the ill person is suffering from such a sickness which causes
inconvenience to people, he should remain aloof from them. He
should not even go to the masjid to perform his salâh.
5.) Do not force the sick person to eat. Allâh  specially feeds
those who are ill.
6.) A person visiting the sick should not linger around too much.
He should not engage in unnecessary conversation nor should he
enquire from the ill person the details of his sickness. The sick
person is inconvenienced by such behaviour.
7.) Do not inform far-off relatives of slight ailments. This creates
unnecessary anxiety.
8.) It is improper for a physician to inform the patient that his
illness cannot be remedied or that all hope is lost. Some even
specify a time limit for the patient’s life, which is not proper at
all.
9.) Some people never bother to visit the sick. This is incorrect.
There is great reward in visiting the sick. Some only visit family

60
and friends. Whenever the opportunity arises, visit those who
are sick solely on account of being a Muslim.
10.) When going to visit the sick at hospitals, ensure that we
abide by the rules, regarding times, number of people allowed,
ages, etc. Never read the medical files of the patient. If many
people have come to meet the sick, try and make one’s visit as
short as possible and then leave the hospital. Do not crowd the
lobbies, lounges or passageways. It is completely incorrect for
women especially to gather in the wards or public places for
Yasîn khatams, wazifahs, etc.
11.) When visiting at the home, keep the following etiquettes in
mind:
a.) Call in advance and inform the family of your visit. Enquire
from them the appropriate time to visit. Do not visit at meal
times. Give them enough time to prepare themselves for your
visit. Some people call from their cell-phones when they are
nearly at the house. This is incorrect.
b.) Try not to take active toddlers along.
c.) Refrain from talking excessively.
d.) Keep the visit short. Do not unnecessarily ask to use the
kitchen or bathroom.
12.) The sick person who has a boil, sore or wound on some part
of the satr (those parts which must be concealed before others)
should not expose it before others who have come to enquire
about the illness. Women have this weakness that without the
visitor even asking, they expose their satr before others.

61
13.) Many people have a habit of giving and enforcing their own
medication on the sick person. Rather leave it to the care of the
physician or doctor.
14.) There is great reward in assisting the sick monetarily or with
other items like food, etc. A pot of food can be cooked and given,
preferably in a disposable container, so that there is no need to
return the items. Money can be placed in an envelope and
handed over to the sick person or close family member. It is
against etiquette to request for duas when doing a favour.
15.) Never barge into the room of the sick person, whether at
home or in the hospital. Seek permission first.
16.) Generally people forget to recite the sunnah duâs when
visiting the sick. It is recommended for the family members of
the sick to stick a small reminder on the wall nearby with the
relevant duas and etiquettes.
17.) The same etiquettes apply to family members. Many parents
or grand-parents feel that it is not necessary to abide by these
etiquettes when visiting the homes of their children or grand-
children. Many a times, great inconvenience is caused to the
daughter/son in law, which creates bitter feelings.

ETIQUETTES PERTAINING TO PREGNANCY, POST

DELIVERY/ BREAST FEEDING

1.) During the days of pregnancy, a woman must be extra careful

in abstaining from sins. Watching television, listening to music,
arguments, eating wrong foods have an impact on the growing

62
foetus. One should engage in dhikr, tilâwat, and see/hear
beautiful things e.g. she should keep her mind fresh and refrain
from too much of talking and socializing unnecessarily.
2.) Excessive use of the cell and computer causes the mind to be
over stimulated, which will produce weak-minded children.
3.) A pregnant woman should eat healthy foods. Hadrat Moulana
Hakîm Akhtar Sahib  encouraged a sister to eat a bright red
apple with relish everyday of her pregnancy, without cutting it
with a knife. He said that the child will have noble character and
a happy temperament.
4.) Harâm perfumes should never be used. Rather apply Udh or
musk on the forehead, as it will open the mind of the growing
child.
5.) During delivery, care must be taken to ensure that the mother
is covered adequately, as negligence will have adverse effects on
the morals of the growing child.
6.) When breast-feeding, the mother should be properly
covered. She should never engage in gossiping or futile speech.
Feeding the child in the state of wudhu has a tremendous impact
on the imân and knowledge of the child in later years.
7.) Many young girls emerge from the home soon after birth,
whereas the have not healed emotionally and physically.
8.) Ensure that the clothing worn by the children do not have
images or pictures. Similarly, pictures of animate objects found
on blankets, bibs, feeding utensils, should be removed, as this
deprives one of the angel’s protection.

63
9.) Babies should be breastfed. This is the right of the child. When
the child begins to eat, he should be fed fresh food prepared at
home. Refrain from processed factory foods.
10.) When feeding a baby from the bottle, feed with the right
hand. Try to feed in an upright, sitting position as liquid is bound
to drip in the inner ear, causing ear infections. Do not prop the
bottle of the child with a pillow, leaving the child unattended to
feed himself.
11.) When changing the napkin of the child, especially a baby girl,
do not do so in front of boys, even the elder or younger brothers.
When changing the children’s clothing, do not undress them in
the state of total nudity. Always ensure that there is some
clothing on the body and work with half the body at a time.
12.) Ensure that there is a changing mat, etc. placed under the
baby before changing the napkin, so that no impurity falls onto
the surface.
13.) Hairs and nails of one’s children must be buried and not
thrown in the sink/bin.
14.) Hadrat Moulana Hakim Akhtar Sahib  advised the mother
of a toddler not to cut his hair in such a manner that the hair
covers the forehead or fore-lock. This is the place where
thoughts process. It requires oxygen.
15.) Many people regard visiting the mother and her new-born
baby as an entertaining social visit, where much eating and
talking takes place in the ‘confinement’ room. We forget that the
same etiquettes pertaining to visiting the sick apply when visiting

64
the mother and her new-born baby. Many are negligent of this.
The visit should be sweet and short.
16.) There is no such thing as ‘Baby Showers’ in Islâm. It is a
western concept and modernized way of begging for gifts. One
should neither host, nor attend such events.

ETIQUETTES OF ATTENDING THE DECASED PERSON’S

HOME AND TA’ZIYAT (CONSOLING FAMILY MEMBERS OF
THE DECEASED)

1.) Women should not go to the house of the deceased, unless

they are close family members. They should rather recite some
Quran and convey the rewards to the deceased. Later on, they
can go to the house to console the bereaved.
2.) When a woman goes to the house for condolence, she should
ensure that she wears the dullest of outer cloaks. A loose-fitting
simple unadorned burqah over the cloak will be most
appropriate.
3.) It is totally prohibited for men to see the face of a ghair-
mahram (strange) female; as well as for women to look at the
face of strange men. It is forbidden for members of one sex to
view the face of their neighbour, cousin, brother/sister-in-law of
the opposite sex, spouses nephews/nieces, etc.
4.) Many men sit outside the house and discuss worldly matters.
This is the time of remembering death and preparation for the
hereafter. All should engage in dhikr or keep quiet. Worse is
when people discuss worldly matters at the graveyard. This can
cause great hurt to close members of the deceased, as it shows
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that one is completely insensitive. It is also against etiquette to
chat on the mobile or answer text messages at the graveyard.
5.) Those living nearby should not partake of meals. Remember
that it is not permissible to utilize the items of the deceased
person, as these are now the property of his heirs, more-so when
the heirs are not mature. Only if food is arranged by others, and
not from the estate will it be permissible to partake of the meals.
6.) Nowadays it has become customary for people to serve khîr/
badâm milk at janâzah homes. This is a baseless custom.
7.) At funeral homes, it is noticed that the table containing Yâsin
booklets as well as the individual Qurân paras are strewn about.
At times, keys, tasbîhs and even boards are placed on them. This
is total disrespect.

A few etiquettes regarding ta’ziyat are as follows:

1.) Ta’ziyat consists of two acts: To console the bereaved and to
send reward for the deceased. Everything else is baseless.
2.) When going for ta’ziyat, do not enquire about the details of
the deceased’s illness and circumstances of his death.
3.) When going for ta’ziyat, console the family members. Do not
do or say anything to increase their sorrow. Nowadays, instead
of comforting the relatives of the deceased, people increase their
grief by joining them in crying and wailing. On arrival, they sit
down to cry. This is actually causing difficulty to others and not
ta’ziyat. They utter statements such as, “I am grieved to hear the
news. You must be shattered. His death is a great loss,” etc. This

66
applies more to women. Their statements on such occasions are
poisonous. They are harmful to one’s health and religion as well.
4.) When consoling the bereaved, say statements such as,
“Whatever has happened has happened by the will of Allâh . Act
in the interests and benefit of the deceased. Recite the Qurân
Sharîf, perform nafl and make dhikr so that the reward reaches
the deceased. Supplicate for forgiveness on behalf of the
deceased. Have hope that he is entering Jannah where the
comfort is greater. After a time we too shall depart and will meet
up with the deceased.”
5.) The practise of visitors coming from far off, fixing of the
seventh day, tenth day and forty day customs are all baseless.
6.) Ta’ziyat is permissible up to three days for those living in the
same town. After three days, they should not go. The aim of
ta’ziyat is to console, not to revive the grief and sorrow. As for
those who are not nearby residents, ta’ziyat is permissible after
three days as well.
7.) It is not correct for males to directly console ghair-mahram
females and vice versa. Completely prohibited is the practise of
hugging ghair-mahrams in the name of consoling.

ETIQUETTES OF ELDERS

1.) When you are in the company of an elder, do not embark on

an activity without his consent.
2.) When a senior makes a request, execute it and inform him
when the task has been accomplished.
67
3.) When having any work or any request for a senior, approach
him directly. Do not forward your request via an intermediary.
4.) Do not extract any service from your seniors (whether it is
your ustâdh, shaikh or family members).
5.) When inviting your ustâdh or shaikh for meals, and it is your
intention to invite his associates as well, then do not invite them
via your ustâdh /shaikh. Do not tell him to bring long so and so.
Do the inviting yourself directly to those whom you intend to call.
However, take his permission before inviting his associates. The
associate should seek the consent of his ustâdh/shaikh before
accepting such an invitation.
6.) Listen attentively to their talk.
7.) Never be disrespectful to elders. Disrespect is at times more
harmful than sinning. Since juniors no longer respect their
seniors, goodness and blessings have been destroyed. Bounties
come in the wake of respect.
8.) True adab (respect) and ta’zîm (honour) are related to love
and obedience. A mere external display of etiquette and respect
is not of much worth.
9.) Juniors should never call their seniors by their names. They
should adopt a title of respect and honour.
10.) When someone speaks ill of your seniors, immediately
prevent them. If this is not possible, wake up and go away. Do
not inform your seniors of what was said. This will cause them
grief.

68
11.) Juniors should walk behind seniors unless one has to assist
them or one is engaged in discussion with them. However if the
senior prefers to walk behind, his wish should be respected.
12.) Cell-phones should not be utilized in the presence of one’s
elders, unless there is an emergency.

ETIQUETTES OF JUNIORS

1.) Seniors should not be fussy. They should not lose their temper
for every little thing. Just as juniors are disrespectful to you in
certain acts, you too might have shown disrespect to your elders
in certain acts. Therefore be tolerant and once or twice admonish
the errant junior tenderly. When soft measures have failed, then
sterner measures may be adopted keeping in view the welfare
and temperament of the junior. If you as a senior totally refrain
from toleration, you will be depriving yourself of the benefits of
sabr (patience).
2.) In view of the fact that Allâh  has appointed you as a senior
(to guide others), various types of people with different
temperaments, disposition, intelligence and attitudes will refer
to you. All cannot be moulded overnight. Remember the
following hadîth, “The believer who mingles with people and
patiently bears their difficulties (which they cause) is better than
one who neither mingles nor bears the difficulties of people.”
3.) If you believe that a person will not fulfil your request, then
never ask him to do something which is not obligatory in the
Sharî’ah.

69
4.) When someone renders service or makes gifts to you (as the
senior) without you having requested for it, then too, take into
consideration his comfort and welfare. Do not accept so much
service which tires him nor accept gifts of such amounts which
may be beyond his means. If he invites you for meals, impress on
him not to prepare excessive food nor permit him to invite too
many of your colleagues.
5.) When it is appropriate that you should display displeasure,
then at some other time make the person happy. If truly you had
committed an excess and wronged him, apologize to him without
any hesitation. Do not be proud, for on the Day of Judgement,
everyone will be equal.
6.) If in conversation a person’s disrespectful attitude distresses
you and brings about a change in your temper, then it is best not
to talk to him directly. Conduct the discussion via someone else
who is capable of understanding and conversing culturally and
politely. By adopting this method, your change of temper will not
affect others nor will his disrespect affect you.
7.) Do not exalt or grant so much proximity to your khâdim
(assistant) or your associate that others should hold him in awe.
When this person conveys to you the stories and affairs of others,
forbid him thereof. If you do not do so, others will be fearful of
him and as a result of his narrations, you will become suspicious
of others.
Similarly, when he comes with someone’s proposal or he
intercedes on behalf of others, sternly forbid him so that people
do not regard him as a medium (to gain an audience with you). If

70
they gain an impression that he is your medium, they will be
constrained to flatter and please him. They will make gifts to him
or he himself will put his requests to them. In short, the senior
should be in direct contact with the people. Do not keep
intermediaries. There is no harm in having one or two close by as
assistants, but they should not interfere at all in the affairs of
those who have to deal with the senior.
8.) The senior should not entrust the arrangements for guests to
others. He should attend to them, even if he has to undergo
much pressure as a result. At least others will have comfort and
rest. In fact, it is only natural for seniors to undergo difficulties
and sustain pressure.
9.) Some seniors behave arrogantly. They totally disregard
others. In so doing they harm people. There is a need to exercise
exceptional care to refrain from this type of attitude.
10.) If a senior does not behave affectionately, but adopts
arrogance and pride, and resorts to dictatorship, his image and
rank will decline, and people will turn away from him.
11.) Service should not be taken from one who is under the
jurisdiction of another without having sought permission, even if
the other person is your junior.
12.) Juniors are to be regarded as the complements of seniors.
Both are in need of each other. Sometimes juniors acquire
certain excellences which the seniors are totally deprived of.
Therefore never despise juniors or those under your authority.
13.) When juniors draw the attention of seniors to the truth, the
seniors should accept it. The Qurân states, “and they advise one
71
another.” This form of commanding mutual admonition has
alerted seniors to the fact that while they should admonish and
advise juniors, the juniors have a right of proclaiming the truth
to seniors. Thus, seniors have no justification for taking offence
when the truth is told to them. They should accept the truth.
However juniors should address seniors with utmost respect and
honour when the need arises for them to proclaim the truth to
their seniors. Only an intelligent person will adopt the correct
attitude.
14.) Acting in an unprincipled manner with even juniors is
improper. Seniors should not hurt and inconvenience juniors by
words or deeds. Nowadays no care is taken to avoid
inconveniencing others. The concern is primarily to obtain
fulfilment of one’s personal motives irrespective of any harm
caused to others in the process.

ETIQUETTES OF PARENTS

1.) Never be disrespectful to parents. Never hurt their feelings by

any deed or word. This can be ensured by thinking before
speaking or acting.
2.) Even if parents are unjust, it is not lawful for children to ill-
treat, disobey, disrespect or displease them.
3.) Obey and serve your parents even if they happen to be non-
Muslims. Obey and assist parents in all things lawful in the
Sharî’ah. In the process of serving and obeying non-Muslim
parents, the laws of the Sharî’ah should not be violated. If, for

72
example, one’s non-Muslim father dies and one’s mother wishes
that the child must participate in the funeral service, such
obedience and service will not be permissible. In such a case,
decline politely, and excuse yourself respectfully. Never refuse
rudely nor argue with them.
4.) When parents scold, abuse or even beat their children, they
should submit to such treatment with humility. Never should
they utter a word of disrespect or complaint, nor should they
display on their faces any indication of disgust or anger. Bear
their treatment in silence and with patience. Make duâ for them.
5.) Whenever you see them, greet them. If you are entering the
private room of your parents, seek their permission before
entering.
6.) If you are living with them, take their permission before going
anywhere. Inform them of your whereabouts. Do not embark on
a journey without their permission.
7.) If you are engaged in nafl salâh and your parents call you,
break your salâh and answer their call even if there is no urgency
or importance in their call. If you are performing fardh salâh and
you detect urgency in their call, then break even the fardh salâh
to answer their call.
8.) Do not call them by their names. Address them with titles of
respect and honour.
9.) Always be cheerful in their presence. Speak kindly and
tenderly with them. Keep your gaze low when addressing them.
Do not stare them in the face. Never raise your voice above
theirs.
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10.) When they question you, do not inconvenience them by
delaying your reply. It is highly disrespectful to refrain from
answering them.
11.) Even in their absence, speak highly and respectfully of them.
12.) When the need arises to say something because of some
wrong or sinful action of parents, then speak to them tenderly,
politely and respectfully. Adopt a soft tone. Do not adopt a harsh
tone and an independent stance nor speak to them by way of
raising objections.
13.) Always try to keep them happy.
14.) When accompanying parents on a walk, do not walk in front
of them or on their sides. Walk slightly behind them.
15.) Do not give preference to the wife over them. This does not
apply to the rights of the wife. If the parents instruct their son to
violate or discard the obligatory rights of the wife, it will not be
permissible to obey them in this case.
16.) If you were disrespectful at any time to your parents, regret
your action and hasten to obtain their pardon.
17.) If one’s parents had passed away while they were displeased
with one, then one should always make duâ and seek forgiveness
on their behalf. It is hoped that Allâh  will ensure that they
become happy with their children. (Thus the relationship will be
restored on the Day of Judgement.)
18.) After their death, seek forgiveness on their behalf. Within
ones means, practise virtuous deeds with the intention that the
reward acquired thereof should be bestowed to them. Pay their
74
debts, and fulfil any lawful bequest if one has the means to do
so. Meeting with and rendering service to the friends of ones
parents after their death are also acts which are regarded in
Islam as service to parents.
19.) The rights of parents come first, followed by the ustâdh and
then the shaikh. It is sad that nowadays the degree of respect
shown to spiritual mentors is not offered to parents despite the
fact that respect and obedience to parents are Qurânic
injunctions. If one’s father requests one to rub his feet and one’s
spiritual mentor commands one to perform nafl salâh, then it is
compulsory to obey one’s father. The relationship of the shaikh
with one is of a lesser degree than that of one’s father. It is
possible to sever links with the spiritual mentor if for example his
instructions are contrary to the Sharî’ah. But it is not possible to
break ties with one’s father. His respect is always compulsory on
the son.
20.) Some people say they have no feeling of affection in their
hearts for their parents. This is a weakness and a spiritual
disease. The remedy is to serve them. Love will be created.
21.) Rights of parents whilst they are alive are: a.) To love them
b.) To honour them c.) To obey them d.) To treat their family
members and friends kindly e.) To assist them financially f.) To
make duâ for them.
Rights of parents after their demise are: a.) To take part in their
burial b.) To fulfil their bequests c.) To distribute their inheritance
correctly and pay their debts d.) To keep contact with their family
members and friends e.) To make duâ for them and convey

75
rewards to them (îsale-thawab) f.) To visit their graves at least
once a week if possible (for males only.)

ETIQUETTES OF SPOUSES

The family is the nucleus of an Islamic society and marriage is the

only way to bring families into existence. A healthy Muslim
society depends on a sound Islamic environment. Happy couples
make happy families, who make healthy societies. The union of
two souls is the fibre which weaves society together. For this
reason, Nabi  emphasized the importance of appropriate
conduct after marriage so that it endures and becomes the
‘coolness of the eyes’, in the words of the Qurân. A happy
marriage is not made in heaven, nor does it flourish on its own.
It has to be continually nurtured and preserved. Marriage can be
a source of enormous tranquillity, yet it can also become a root
of the greatest pain, sorrow and heartbreaks. Once two people
have committed themselves to each other they should move
mountains in order to stay together. It takes time and effort to
blend two lives. Many marriages do not last because partners
take the view that if it does not work, they will simply end the
marriage. This shows lack of commitment, a lack of drive and is
deficient by nature. This marriage is almost doomed from the
start.

Marriage is very similar to constructing a building. It requires a

strong foundation that can withstand the storms and shocks of
stress. The adhesive that binds couples together is love and
mercy. Also important to remember is that each person will be
76
questioned regarding his responsibilities to the other spouse.
The fear of reckoning is the only way in which one will sincerely
fulfil the rights of the other.
By acting on the following guidelines, Insha-Allaah, our marriages
will become more enjoyable, love will increase and we will attain
success in both worlds.
1.) Always make duâ that Allâh  must make us a good partner.
Together with this, make duâ for one’s spouse and for a happy
marriage.
2.) Adopt taqwa (Allâh consciousness) and be mindful of your
duties to Allâh  at all times, as piety is the stepping stone to a
beautiful moral and spiritual character.
3.) Create an Islamic environment at home, as this will bring
peace and serenity in your lives. Never keep a television set, as
this is the cause of many evils arising in the house. Most
magazines and newspapers have such evil pictures and subject
matter, which destroys the character of those who read them.
Never allow such literature in the home. If a person is forced to
use the internet, he should do so in an open place in the house
in front of all, so that he is not tempted to venture into wrong
sights. Make a salaah place or room in the house. Fix a time for
taleem, dhikr, tilaawat in the home. Make ijtimâi (collective) duâ
at times.
4.) Do not be concerned only with fulfilling your own religious
duties. It is your religious and moral obligation to encourage your
spouse and children towards their Islamic duties with love,

77
wisdom and patience. Find out if salaah, dhikr, tilaawat, etc. has
been done, instead of only asking for food, etc.
5.) Acquaint yourself with the knowledge, reality and
responsibilities of marriage. Remember that marriage is not only
fulfilment of carnal desires but fulfilment of responsibilities.
6.) Under no circumstances should you compel your spouse or
children to obey you in any act that contravenes the commands
of Allâh. At the same time, you should not succumb to the un-
Islamic dictates of your spouse and children.
7.) If any problem or dispute arises in the marriage, then always
turn to Allâh  for help and guidance first. If the problem
persists, consult a pious experienced elder or alim for advice.
8.) Live simply. Don’t be jealous of those who seem to be living a
more luxurious life than your family. Sustenance is from Allâh .
In order to inculcate contentment, look at those people who
have less than you, not those who have more.
9.) Be mindful of your discussion topics. Never discuss things with
others about your marriage that your spouse would not like to
discuss, unless there is an Islamic reason to do so. Some
husbands and wives, believe it or not, complain to others about
their spouse’s physical appearance. This is a recipe for disaster.
Information about your intimate relations should be kept
between you and your spouse.
10.) As far as possible, try to have meals together as a family.
Express your appreciation, whether the cook is the husband or

78
wife. Rasulullâh  would not complain about food put in front of
him. Do not look for faults.
11.) Exchange gifts. This creates love.
12.) Fulfil the rights of one’s spouse. Do not demand your rights,
rather ask Allâh  to fulfil them.

ETIQUETTES FOR HUSBANDS

Allâh  says, “For them (women) are rights similar to those on

them according to the beautiful standard.” Man is told that as
there are rights due to him, his wife also has rights due unto
her.
Rasulullâh  said, “The best among you are those who are best
towards their wives.” (Tirmidhi).
1.) When entering the home, always make salâm cheerfully, no
matter how difficult your day may have been.
2.) Similarly, when leaving home in the morning, make a point of
kissing your wife and don’t leave without salaam. Salâm is a
means of engendering great love and happiness in the home.
3.) Implement the beautiful sunnah of smiling. Smile more and
don’t frown. Express this virtuous act of smiling to your wife
often, and not only outside to strangers. Smiling is an act of
charity. Try and create such a loving presence at home that your
family members look forward to see you, rather than hoping you
never come home.

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4.) Support and spend generously on your family, according to
your means. Regard this as an Islamic responsibility, not as a
favour upon them, nor as a burden on you.
5.) Spending on bare necessities is not sufficient to engender true
love and a happy home. However, be moderate in your
expenditure - there should be neither wastage nor miserliness.
6.) Shower your wife with gifts (within means). Never remind her
of favours you confer on her.
7.) Provide her with her own monthly allowance (according to
means) over and above your household budget expenses. This
money will then belong to her, thus allowing her freedom of
choice to purchase items for her personal needs, without having
to account how it was spent.
8.) Compliment your wife’s cooking after meals. Overlook the
little shortcomings, e.g. if the salt is less or if the food is not
prepared on time, for some reason beyond her control.
9.) Endeavour to eat and drink from the same utensil. Sometimes
place a morsel of food in each other’s mouth (not only to be
practised when newly-wed), this will increase mutual love. One
will be rewarded for this.
10.) Do not disclose your wife’s secrets or faults to either family
members or friends. Always conceal one another’s faults. It is
worse to speak about one’s physical relationship.
11.) Express your love often and make her feel wanted.
According to Rasulullâh , the mercy of Allâh  pours on a couple

80
when the husband glances at his wife with love and pleasure and
she reciprocates by glancing at him with love and pleasure.
12.) Laugh and joke with her within Shar’i limits. Nabi  used to
engage in light-hearted conversation with his wives.
13.) Compliment your wife on her dressing. If you do not approve
of any aspect of her dressing, then instead of rebuking her, rather
explain to her in a gentle and loving manner your likes and
dislikes. Just as you would like to see her smartly dressed, you too
should dress smartly for her (all within the confines of the
shari’ah).
14.) If possible, give her a call during the day to see how she is
feeling.
15.) Share in the upkeep and maintenance of the home. Doing
household chores is a sunnah of Nabî  that breeds humility and
displays compassion and kindness. Nabî  assisted in household
chores. Examples of this are cleaning, sweeping, laying the food-
cloth, looking after the children.
16.) Learn to tolerate slight misbehaviour, or displeasing little
acts committed by your wife. Don’t react violently by meting out
injustice and cruelty upon her with verbal and physical abuse.
Never take her curse. Don’t break your promises, crush all
expectations and become an oppressor, a tyrant and a
blackmailer. Unfortunately, many of our sisters bear untold
misery and suffer in silence, day in and day out for years on end,
having none to turn to besides Allâh . Remember O husband,
when that lonely, broken heart cannot tolerate anymore and
those hands rise up complaining to none other than Allâh , then
81
rest assured that her tears and pain will not go unanswered. Nabî
 has stated, “Beware the curse of the oppressed person, since
there is no veil between it and Allâh .” Allâh  says to the
oppressed person, “I will assist you, even though it be after some
time.”
17.) Endeavour to change her habits like carelessness, laziness,
etc. with advice and admonition. This must be given tactfully,
with wisdom and patience. Rule with love and never with the
iron fist. It is among her rights upon you that you tolerate her.
Nabî  has said that a woman is created from a crooked rib and
there is therefore, crookedness in her character. If you try to
straighten her, you will destroy her. Therefore, take benefit from
her together with her crookedness. Look at her good qualities .
18.) Live with her and speak in the manner that you would want
someone to treat your own sister or daughter. If you dislike some
qualities in them, they possess others pleasing to you. Look at
these qualities. No one is perfect. Remember the grass always
seems greener on the other side.
19.) When you are overcome by anger and wish to physically or
verbally abuse her, then remember that Allâh , whose trust she
is, possesses greater power than you do. Immediately move
away from that place, drink water and recite ta’awudh:
‫الرِجي ِم‬ ِ ‫َّلل ِمن الشَّْيط‬
ِ
َّ ‫اان‬ ‫اعوذُ ِِب َّ ا‬
ُ‫أ‬
If possible, make wudhu. Remember that after the expression of
every bout of anger, there is regret. Never discuss a problem in
the state of anger. Calm down first.

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20.) Learn to forgive your wife - Forgive her as many times as you
would like Allâh  to forgive you for your errors. Remember the
English adage “To err is human, to forgive is Divine.”
21.) Regard your wife’s parents as your own, address them
politely and treat them kindly as you would treat your own
parents. Accord them the same respect and honour as your own
parents. Do not place restrictions on your wife visiting her
parents unless you have a valid Sharî reason.
22.) Learn to communicate constructively. Make a resolution
that at the time of a problem you would sit down and discuss in
a dignified manner, without raising voices or being abusive; or
you will seek advice from someone you both can confide in.
23.) You cannot choose not to communicate-even your silence
and body language can send important messages. However, they
may be misinterpreted and could cause more harm.
24.) Misunderstandings and minor differences should not be
suppressed. Rather discuss them in an amicable manner; else
this could ultimately lead to a broken marriage (Allâh  save us.)
25.) Learn to admit your mistakes. This is a sign of humility. Do
not attempt to justify your mistakes.
26.) Don’t ever argue in public or in front of the children. This can
affect the children psychologically and could prove detrimental
to the marriage.
27.) In a serious conflict, call in arbitrators from both sides and
let the matter be solved amicably.

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28.) Spend quality time with your wife and children. The time
spent with them is an act of ibâdah (worship). Apart from
religious activities and necessary business activities, devote
yourself to your family. In-sha-Allaah, it will reap excellent
dividends.
29.) Control your tongue at all times. Remember that wounds
afflicted by swords may heal, but the wounds afflicted by the
tongue very seldom heal.
30.) Never compare nor mention the beauty, character or
qualities of other women to your wife. This is extremely
insensitive and may cause jealousy, suspicion and unnecessary
doubts in her mind. Accept your wife for what she is and do not
cast lustful glances at other women. By doing so, shaytân will
beautify the form of these other women. When a woman
emerges from her home, shaytân beautifies her in the eyes of
men. By controlling one’s gazes, one’s love for his wife will
increase and one will attain the sweetness of imân.
31.) Do not keep in touch or communicate with any female
acquaintances from the past, even if they are ‘just good friends’.
This is extremely detrimental to the marriage and forbidden.
32.) Nabî  has stated, “The most detestable of lawful things by
Allâh  is talâq (divorce). Don’t abuse this responsibility of
issuing talâq, given to you by Allâh . Talâq has been allowed as
a last resort after all avenues of reconciliation have been
exhausted and if the marriage has broken down and there is no
other way out.

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33.) Never use the word ‘talâq’ or ‘divorce’ neither in jest nor in
anger. If the need arises, seek the advice of an ‘âlim or mufti
before resorting to divorce. No matter what the circumstances
are, only utter one talâq. This will give immediate effect to a
divorce. The misunderstanding that three talâqs has to be given
is absolutely wrong. This is a great sin and leaves no room for
future reconciliation.
34.) Exercise patience. Never make hasty decisions which you will
regret later. “Allâh is with those who exercise patience.”
35.) If your wife is troubled with worries or is depressed, then be
sympathetic and encourage her to discuss the problem with you.
Make du’a for her. Be an anchor of support and a pillar of
strength for her by practically expressing your moral support.
This will Insha-Allâh make her truly appreciate your heartfelt
concern for her.
36.) Remember that your wife has made the great sacrifice of
leaving the confines of her parent’s home and her near and dear
ones to come and spend the rest of her life with you - a life of the
unknown. This she does with great hopes and expectations. Do
not destroy them. Fulfil all these requisites which you have made
binding on yourself through marriage. Appreciate and value
these sacrifices. Allâh  will surely reward you in this world and
the hereafter.
37.) Never demand back any gift given to your wife, even if the
marriage ends in divorce. It is totally forbidden to repossess gifts
given at the time of marriage or at any other time.

85
38.) Never allow your wife to mix with other strange men. This
will severely harm your marriage. She must observe Shar’i hijab
from them. The hadith describes a man who allows his wife to
talk and freely mix with other men as a ‘dayyooth’ (cuckold). You
too should abstain from talking unnecessarily to strange women.
Strange (ghair-mahram) in the shari’ah refers to all people with
whom marriage is permissible in Islam. Included in these people
are cousins, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, parent’s brothers
and sisters spouses, father and mother-in-law’s brothers and
sisters, etc. Nabi  has stated that the brother-in-law is death.
The cases where an illicit relationship was established in family
circles are very many and the consequences are disastrous.
Never trust the nafs. Shaytân runs through the veins of man.
Today, many women keep male workers in their home. This is
completely immoral and prohibited. Ensure that your wife
observes hijab from drivers, gardeners, plumbers, etc. regardless
of their race and ethnic background.
39.) It is your Islâmic obligation to be the breadwinner of the
family. Never evade your responsibility and unduly burden your
wife with the difficult task of supporting your family. This
unnecessary strain on her will be a cause of great sorrow and
lament, and you will be answerable to Allâh  in the hereafter
for neglecting your fundamental duty to your family. A sign of
Qiyâmah is that men will bring their womenfolk into their
businesses.

ETIQUETTES FOR WIVES

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Nabî  has stated, “The woman who offers her five times salah,
fasts in the month of Ramadhan, protects her honour and
respect, and obeys her husband has the choice of entering
Jannah from whichever door she wishes to enter from.”
Nabî  said, “The woman who passes away in such a state that
her husband is happy with her will enter Jannah.”
Nabî  said, “Were I to command anyone to prostrate to anyone
besides Allaah , I would have commanded the woman to
prostrate to her husband. If the husband orders the wife to carry
the boulders of one mountain to the next, and then to a third,
she will have to do this.”
1.) Obey your husband in all permissible matters. This will draw
the mercy of Allâh . Nabî  said, “The best of women is she who
makes her husband feel happy when he glances at her; she obeys
him when he instructs her and she does not oppose him in regard
to herself and her wealth by doing what he dislikes.”
2.) When your husband enters the home, always make salâm
cheerfully and give him a warm affectionate smile, no matter
how difficult your day may have been. Similarly when he leaves
home in the morning, make a point of kissing him and making
salâm. Salâm is a means of engendering great love and happiness
in the home.
3.) If you had a difficult or tiring day, try to appear cheerful. Do
not make a point of making your husband aware as soon as he
enters the house. This could cause him to become angry.
Gradually try to win his compassion and sympathy.

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4.) You should abstain from all things and every form of
behaviour that will find disfavour with the husband. Acquaint
yourself with the moods and act accordingly, to cultivate his
pleasure. Do not increase his worries. Strive to become a source
of comfort and peace for him,
5.) Endeavour to eat and drink from the same utensil. Sometimes
place a morsel of food in each other’s mouth (not only to be
practised when newly-wed), this will increase mutual love. One
will be rewarded for this.
6.) Keep the home, children and (most important) yourself neat
and tidy when he enters the home. This will enhance his
confidence in you. A neglected home could affect his mood
adversely.
7.) Try to complete your household chores early and quickly so
that you can spend quality time with your husband and children.
8.) Do not disclose your husband’s secrets or faults to either
family members or friends. Always conceal one another’s faults.
Worst is to speak about one’s physical relationship.
9.) Be prepared for him at meal times, as the heat of hunger is
very often inflammable. Remember the adage, “A hungry man is
an angry man.”
10.) Do not mingle and speak to strange men. This will severely
harm your marriage. Never allow any strange man to enter your
house in the absence of your husband; no matter how well you
or your husband knows him.

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11.) It is the wife’s obligatory duty to beautify and adorn herself
only for her husband. It is forbidden for her to adorn herself for
all and sundry when leaving the house. A hadith states, “A
woman who applies perfume and passes by a gathering is like an
adulteress.”
12.) Nabî  said, “It is not permissible for any woman to keep an
(optional) fast without her husband’s permission, and it is not
permissible for her to allow anyone into his house without his
consent.”
13.) Never compare nor mention the handsomeness, character,
wealth or generosity of other men to your husband. This is
extremely insensitive and may cause jealousy, suspicion and
unnecessary doubts in his mind. Accept your husband for what
he is and do not cast lustful glances at other men. By doing so,
shaytân will beautify the form of these other men. By controlling
one’s gazes, love for the husband will increase and she will attain
the sweetness of imân.
14.) Do not keep in touch or communicate with any male
acquaintances from the past, even if they are ‘just good friends’.
This is extremely detrimental to the marriage and forbidden.
15.) Learn to communicate constructively. Make a resolution
that at the time of a problem you would sit down and discuss in
a dignified manner, without raising voices or being abusive; or
you will seek advice from someone you both can confide in.
16.) You cannot choose not to communicate-even your silence
and body language can send important messages. However, they
may be misinterpreted and could cause more harm.
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17.) Misunderstandings and minor differences should not be
suppressed. Rather discuss them in an amicable manner; else
this could ultimately lead to a broken marriage (Allâh  save us.)
18.) If you are overcome by anger, then immediately move away
from that place, drink water and recite:
‫الرِجي ِم‬ ِ ‫َّلل ِمن الشَّْيط‬
ِ
َّ ‫اان‬ ‫اعوذُ ِِب َّ ا‬
ُ‫أ‬
If possible, make wudhu. Never discuss a problem in the state of
anger. Calm down first.
19.) Don’t ever argue in public or in front of the children. This can
affect the children psychologically and could prove detrimental
to the marriage.
20.) In a serious conflict, call in arbitrators from both sides and
let the matter be solved amicably.
21.) Exercise patience. Never make hasty decisions which you will
regret later. “Allâh is with those who exercise patience.”
22.) Control your tongue at all times. One of the main reasons for
breakup of marriages is the misuse of the tongue. Thereafter you
will regret for the rest of your life. Nabî  said, He who keeps
silent is saved.” Remember that wounds afflicted by swords may
heal, but the wounds afflicted by the tongue very seldom heal.
23.) Learn to admit your mistakes. This is a sign of humility. Do
not attempt to justify your mistakes.
24.) Nabî  said, “The woman who asks her husband for a divorce
(without a valid reason), the fragrance of Jannah becomes
unlawful for her.”

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25.) Respect, and honour your husband’s parents as your own,
address them politely and treat them kindly as you would treat
your own parents. For the sake of your own happiness and for
the sake of your husband, it is essential to maintain a good
relationship with the in-laws.
26.) Regard his family as yours. Never insult his family nor use
past events or his background to hurt him. You can never acquire
the love of your husband if you attempt to disrupt his
relationship with his mother, father, brothers, sisters and other
relatives. Disruption of family ties is amongst the worst of major
sins, and invites the wrath of Allaah .
27.) Never regard your obedience and service to your husband in
mundane acts as insignificant. In fulfilling his wishes, you are
obeying the command of Allâh  who has made incumbent upon
you total obedience to your husband (in permissible matters).
Nabî  said, “O women, look. Your husband is either your Jannah
or Jahannum.”
28.) The reward of a woman’s activities within the confines of her
home is clearly seen in the reply of Nabî  to a woman who
requested to participate in jihad. Nabî  said, “Convey to any
woman whom you meet, that obedience to the husband and
acknowledging his rights are equal to jihad. However, few among
you do so.”
29.) Nabi  said, “When a woman leaves home without her
husband’s permission, then all the angels in the skies and entire
universe curse her for this act until she returns home.”

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30.) Do not be demanding and imposing. This leads to serious
conflicts. Learn to request politely, rather than demand.
31.) Do not feel shy to compliment your husband. Make him feel
important and win him over with kind words. Adopt a cheerful
appearance-this will ignite the face of even a gloomy husband.
On the other hand, nagging will produce the adverse effect.
32.) Your expression of pleasure and appreciation for the ‘little
gifts’ he brings for you will be a source of great happiness and
pleasure for him.
33.) Nabî  said, “When a husband calls his wife to bed (at night
for sexual relations) and she refuses (without any valid shar’i
reason), then the angels curse her till the morning.” Do not
deprive him of his conjugal rights without a valid reason, because
you will be encouraging him to seek alternative harâm avenues
of fulfilling his desires, the sin of which you will be equally
accountable for. Do not regard his urge as trivial. Satisfy his
needs, even if you have to bear slight inconvenience. There is
great reward for this.
34.) Ingratitude is a common malady amongst women. Nabî 
once addressing the womenfolk said that the majority of the
inmates of Jahannum will be women because of their cursing in
abundance and ingratitude to their husbands.
35.) Never yell at your husband, especially in public. You will hurt
his ego. Do not become his mouthpiece- if he is asked a question,
let him answer it himself. Do not make decisions for him, nor
interrupt his discussions.

92
36.) If your husband is troubled with worries or is depressed,
then be sympathetic and encourage him to discuss the problem
with you. Make du’a for him. Be an anchor of support and a pillar
of strength for him, by practically expressing your moral support.
This will Insha-Allâh make him truly appreciate your heartfelt
concern for him.
37.) If you require extra money, ask politely; keeping in mind his
financial status. Refrain from making unreasonable and
extravagant demands on him. Maintain the household budget
within your means. Do not express displeasure when he is unable
to fulfil your lavish demands.
38.) Learn to forgive him. Remember the English adage “To err is
human, to forgive is Divine.”
39.) Show him your trust and do not pry into his affairs. Do not
ask too many questions. Safeguard his assets, he will have great
trust in you.
A marriage, no matter how rosy it seems at the outset, will
sometimes be faced with problems and difficulties, like weeds in
an unattended garden. If we nip them in the bud (i.e. discuss and
resolve them) when they surface, then we can foster a happy
married relationship and make the bond of love stronger.
However, if we ignore these initial stumbling blocks and pretend
they do not exist, then they may increase and Allâh forbid, they
may become so deep-rooted that attempts to remedy them later
on may fail. Even if they are resolved, they could still taint the
love and affection of the couple for many years to come, and
make life very unpleasant.
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 ETIQUETTES FOR SON/ DAUGHTER IN-LAWS

1.) Respect, honour and treat your spouse’s parents as you would
treat your own parents. Speak to them with respect and not as
an equal. Never reply if you are scolded, and never speak harshly
to them.
2.) Regard your spouse’s family as yours. Never insult one
another’s family. You can never acquire the love of your spouse
if you attempt to disrupt their relationship with their family
members. Disruption of family ties is amongst the worst of major
sins, and invites the wrath of Allâh . Actually, encourage your
spouse to keep good ties with family members, especially
parents, brothers and sisters.
3.) Realize that your in-laws are humans and will have flaws.
Praise them in front of others, and never compare them to one’s
own parents.
4.) Be thankful rather than jealous when your children show
them love. Never speak ill of them in front of your children. If
they have done wrong, discuss the matter in privacy with your
spouse.
5.) Do all you can to make them feel at home when they visit.
When you visit them, assist them as much as possible, so that
they should feel pleased when you come.
6.) By being of service to your in-laws, you will attain lofty stages
in the hereafter, since the reward of service is Allâh  Himself.
Never be selfish and give your spouse the choice to choose

94
between the spouse and his/her parents. Remember as you do,
so you will be recompensed. One day, you too will reach old age
and will acquire assistance.
7.) Treat every instruction of your in-laws like the instruction of
your own parents.
8.) If your in-laws oppress you, firstly turn to Allâh , and make
duâ. Inform your spouse in a polite manner. Learn to forgive and
forget. Rasulullâh  said, “Allâh  increases a person in honour
who forgives. Whoever humbles himself for Allâh, Allâh will raise
him in rank.”
9.) If you have a problem or argument with your in-laws, never
drag your spouse in between. By doing so, you are placing your
spouse in a difficult position. Discuss the matter in a respectable
manner with your in-laws. By doing so, an amicable agreement
can be reached.

ETIQUETTES FOR FATHER/ MOTHER IN-LAWS

1.) Bear in mind that your son/daughter-in law is someone else’s

child, who has feelings just like you. Treat them like your own
children. Treat them as you like to be treated. Speak to them as
you would like others to speak to your children. Never impose
your will upon them.
2.) Don’t have unrealistic expectations. Expect less and be
surprised when they offer you more than you expected.
3.) Instruct, train and teach with tenderness, affection, wisdom,
patience and understanding. Do not be so hard, nor so soft that
95
undue advantage is taken of you. If the commands of Allâh  are
broken, correct them firmly, yet lovingly.
4.) Overlook faults and errors as they are inexperienced. In all
likelihood, you made similar mistakes when you were young.
Learn to forgive.
5.) Remember that it is your daughter-in-laws right that her
husband provide her with separate accommodation, if he is
financially stable. However, if there is mutual consent and she
stays with you, then allow her privacy within the home and do
not pry into her affairs. Do not expect her to do everything.
However, if one kitchen is used, some ulama have stated that it
is better to hand it completely over to the daughter-in-law, if she
is happy to accept the responsibility. If not, rather take turns in
the kitchen, because problems generally start in the kitchen.
Every one’s ways and methods are different. Do not treat her like
your personal maid.
6.) Though encouraged, a daughter-in-law is not duty-bound by
the Shariah to serve her in-laws. If she attends to their needs, it
should be considered as a gesture of kindness and compassion,
which should be appreciated and praised.
7.) Whether your daughter-in-law lives with you or not, never
interfere in their personal lives. Allow them to make their own
decisions. If they seek your advice on any matter, advise them
sincerely.
8.) If you have more than one son/daughter-in-law, never
compare one with the other. Realize that each individual is

96
different and each have their own unique abilities. Rather focus
on the positive in everyone.
9.) Think before speaking. What you say to your son/daughter,
you cannot say to your son/daughter-in-law, since your children
have natural love for you, whilst your son/daughter-in-law’s love
has to be nurtured. Even if he/she errs, be careful as to how to
correct him/her. Sometimes, even a wrong word, no matter how
innocent, can cause problems. It is a delicate situation.
10.) Never discuss one son/daughter-in-law with the other, nor
discuss them with even your own family and friends. If a secret is
not safe with you, how do you expect it to remain safe with
others? If you have a problem, speak to the one concerned.
11.) Treat all your sons/daughters-in-law with the same honour,
respect and justice. Do not be unjust in your treatment to them.
Fear Allâh  with regard to this matter! It is possible that you may
have more love for one over the other, this s a natural human
quality. However, do not express this to others.
12.) Be humble enough to admit your mistakes if you are wrong.
13.) Be generous in praising your daughter-in-law’s cooking,
baking, etc. even though it may not be up to your standards. This
will inspire, motivate and give her more confidence.
14.) Never criticize, reprimand or belittle your son/daughter-in-
law in front of their children or others. This will lower their self-
esteem and diminish your respect in their eyes and that of their
children. Remember that wounds inflicted by the tongue seldom
heal.

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15.) Do not place restrictions on your daughter-in-law’s visits to
her parents. In fact, show your happiness when they go.
Encourage your son/daughter to visit their in-laws regularly.
16.) The parents of both spouses should always maintain a
cordial relationship amongst themselves, within the laws of
hijâb.
17.) Never drag your daughter-in-law into any disagreement
between yourself and your son. If you are upset with your son
for any reason, there is no need to pass the message via your
daughter-in-law or get upset with her. Speak directly to your son.
18.) Never drag your son into any disagreement between
yourself and your daughter-in-law. If you are upset with your
daughter-in-law for any reason, there is no need to pass the
message via your son or get upset with him. Speak directly to
your son.
19.) If any problem, dispute or difficulty arises in your
son’s/daughter’s marriage, always turn to Allâh  for help and
guidance first. Encourage the couple to discuss the problem and
solve the problem themselves. If they cannot do so, call in
arbitrators from both parties. Do not be biased in your decision.
20.) Make duâ for your son/daughter-in-law as you make for your
own children. Exchange gifts as this will cause an increase in
love.2

2The last five chapters, commencing from ‘Etiquettes of spouses’ have been
abridged and modified from the Perfect Knot, published by Nurul Huda.
98
 ETIQUETTES OF THE SHAIKH

1.) Become subservient to one’s spiritual guide. Cast aside your

desires and pride and annihilate yourself before him. Act
according to his instructions.
2.) Do not raise the slightest objection against the teaching of
your shaikh. While honouring and respecting all shaikhs, do not
accept their teachings for practical adoption. Adopting the
teachings of another shaikh while one’s shaikh is living is
detrimental. Objecting to one’s shaikh’s ta’lîm will deprive one of
spiritual progress.
3.) The less one’s confidence in one’s shaikh, the less the benefit.
4.) One should not sit with a tasbih in the presence of seniors or
ones shaikh. This is contrary to adab (respect). It implies a claim
of piety.
5.) It is highly disrespectful to display any ability or rank in the
presence of one’s shaikh e.g. to demonstrate one’s knowledge.
To exhibit one’s excellences in order to gain acceptance among
the masses is a worse illness. Abstention from this is necessary.
6.) Nur (spiritual light) is created by having true respect in the
heart for the awliyâ. Imân is strengthened and one’s dîn becomes
firmly grounded thereby. Hadrat Thânwî  states, “I fear
disrespect shown to mashâikh and ulamâ because the
consequences are most dangerous to imân.”
7.) When someone speaks ill of those who you regard as your
mashâikh, then immediately admonish him. Politely tell him,

99
“Brother, your attitude grieves me. Do not speak in this way in
my presence.”
8.) In the sphere of spiritual training, the shaikh’s concern and
affection are similar to a father’s affection in the sphere of
worldly training. In fact, the spiritual mentor has greater
affection than even a father. The spiritual mentor executes such
tasks which a father is incapable of rendering. He unites man’s
soul with Allâh . He transforms a man into an ârif (one who
possesses deep knowledge and insight of the spiritual realm) and
a wâsil (one who has attained the goal of divine pleasure). Thus
in the process of spiritual training, the bond between the shaikh
and murîd can never be sufficient irrespective of any high degree
the association may have attained.

ETIQUETTES OF TRAINING CHILDREN

1.) Playfully do not do any act with a child which may be a danger
to life or limb e.g. in playfulness do not fling a child in the air, do
not playfully hold its hands and suspend it from a window, etc.
2.) Do not speak shameless things in front of children. Teach
them to act with shame, especially when answering the call of
nature.
3.) When training children, do not be too strict or too lax.
4.) Children should be taught not to eat things people give to
them. They should bring such things home and eat in the

100
presence of their parents if they allow. They should never accept
gifts without the consent of their parents.
5.) Teach them to wash their hands before eating, to eat and
drink with their right hands, to cleanse their teeth with a miswâk,
and the etiquettes of relieving themselves.
6.) Inculcate in them the habit of eating less so that they are
saved from sickness and greed.
7.) Teach them to refrain from asking any of their needs from
anyone other than their seniors (like parents or grandparents.)
8.) Do not assume that they will automatically acquire manners
when they will grow up. Inculcate good character to them from
a tender age. No one learns of his own accord. By reading, they
will gain knowledge of good culture but will still lack the essential
training denied to them in childhood. They will always behave
unculturally and without thinking, cause difficulty to others.
Many people say, “They are still kids.” Remember that habits
inculcated in childhood are enduring.
9.) When your child has wronged someone or is at fault, never
act partially. Do not side with your child, especially in his
presence. To do so is to corrupt his character.
10.) Be watchful of your children’s behaviour towards servants
and children of servants. Ensure that they never trouble them.
On account of their inferior social rank, they may not complain,
but they will curse in their hearts. Even if they do not curse, the
effect of oppression will be tasted.

101
11.) As far as possible, endeavour that they learn under suitably
qualified teachers, more-so for the elementary books, especially
for Islâmic knowledge.
12.) Do not punish them in anger. Either remove them from your
presence when you are angry or go away. Later, when the anger
has subsided, reflect thrice and then mete out appropriate
punishment.
13.) When the need arises to hit, do not use a heavy stick or fists.
Do not kick or slap the child in the face. Also do not hit on the
head.
14.) Teach children the full names of their parents and
grandparents as well as their addresses. Now and then, ask them
so that they remember. The benefit of this is that, Allâh  forbid,
should they get lost, they will be able to state their identity to
the one who finds them. In this way, they will be returned home.
15.) All children, and especially those who are studying should be
given such nutrition which is good for the brain. Junk food is
spiritually and physically harmful to them.
16.) When the need arises for girls to leave the home precincts,
do not adorn them with jewellery.
17.) Emphasise to girls not to play with boys. The character of
both girls and boys will be corrupted by intermingling.
18.) If a boy from another house comes to your home, instruct
the girls to go out of sight, even if the boy is small.
19.) If any children come to you, do not take service from them.
Treat them like your own children.
102
20.) When a child is obstinate in demanding something, do not
fulfil its demand. A person once made a statement of great
wisdom which deserves to be written in gold. He said that if a
child requests something, either fulfil the request at that time or,
if you have refused the request, then do not fulfil its
stubbornness, even if it cries and demands it. If you submit to the
child’s obstinacy, it will develop this habit.
21.) Nowadays people rear their children like cows. They are
well-fed and fattened. The end of the fattened cattle is the
slaughter house. People feed their children well, adorn them and
rear them in luxury. The ultimate end of such children is hell-fire.
Parents have no time to morally train their children. No religious
education is imparted to them. More importance is given to
secular studies, extra-curricular activities and sports. Quality
time must be spent with the children. It is not only the
responsibility of the Imam or Maulana to teach one’s children
Islâmic knowledge. It is first the parent’s duty. Just as time is
allocated for everything else, time must daily be allocated for
teaching and training one’s children. Rasulullâh  said, “No father
has ever given a child a gift that is more superior to good
manners.” (Tirmidhî)
22.) Hadrat Thânwî  states, “I am always advising that during
school holidays, children who are attending schools, should be
left in the company of ahlullâh (the pious). Even if they do not
perform salâh there, at least their ideas and beliefs will be
rectified.”

103
23.) One of the primary duties of a parent is to ensure that his
child is given sound solid knowledge of Islâm. All matters,
especially beliefs, must be taught in such a manner that it is
firmly grounded, so that he does not fall into doubt.
24.) Parents must keep a watch on the company of his children.
If the child keeps good company, then there is strong hope the
child will remain on the right path. If, on the other hand, wrong
company is kept, the child will easily be spoilt, even if the child
originally had good habits.

ETIQUETTES OF THE NEIGHBOUR

In the Qurân Sharif Allâh  commands us to show kindness to

neighbours near and distant. Rasulullâh  is reported to have
said, “Jibraîl  continuously advised me in regards to the
neighbour to such an extent that I thought that he will certainly
make him an inheritor in my estate.” In other ahâdith, Rasulullâh
 is reported to have said, “The person whose neighbour is not
safe from his harm is not a believer,” and “A person that is
satiated whilst his neighbour is hungry cannot be a believer.”
From the above ahâdith we can understand the position of the
neighbour, thus we are required to fulfil the rights of the
neighbour and not cause any harm to them whatsoever.
1.) When hosting a function at night we should be respectful to
our neighbours. We should endeavour not to make noise and be
rowdy outside, and to move our guests into the home as quickly
as possible, so that we do not disturb our neighbours who may
want to rest.
104
2.) We should not play the radio or recital loudly that will
inconvenience the neighbours.
3.) Knocking in a nail late at night might disturb a neighbour living
nearby especially if one is living in an apartment or flat. Also, one
should avoid trimming the grass with a lawnmower during the
early hours of the morning as the neighbours may be still asleep.
4.) One should not sweep their dirt into the neighbour’s veranda
or pathway.
5.) One should not store any luggage or boxes in a pathway
shared by neighbours as this may inconvenience them. Do not
park in their driveway, especially if you have visitors, except with
permission.
6.) If one has a dog for security purposes then ensure that it is
kept in your premises. If it enters the neighbour’s premises, then
clean up if the place was messed.

7.) We should visit the neighbours for reasonable durations of

time. We should leave at the first hint that they are ready to end
the visit.
8.) When having a barbecue, one should position the barbecue
stand in such a manner whereby the least harm is caused to the
neighbour (by the smoke).
9.) Children should also be educated not to throw any garbage
over the fence into the neighbour’s property.
10.) Generally people are aware of certain secrets of the
neighbour. One should not expose such secrets.

105
11.) It is not correct to stare into the neighbour’s yard, especially
where there is an apprehension of some of the womenfolk
appearing there without hijâb.
12.) If the neighbour is in need of basic necessities like salt, milk,
etc. then give it to them.

ETIQUETTES OF CO-WORKERS

1.) Allâh  states, “And show kindness to the companion by the

side.” Co-workers fall under the category of “the companion by
your side”, thus one should show kindness to them and treat
them well.
2.) Relationships with one’s colleagues are important. Good
relationships at one’s workplace can help you do a better job.
Bad relationships with colleagues can distract you and can turn a
job into a nightmare.
3.) Treat all co-workers with good character irrespective of their
race, caste, nationality, designation.
4.) Respect is the foundation of all good relationships including
those with whom you work. Try not to offend those with whom
you work. Avoid discussing controversial topics that will
eventually lead to an argument such as politics, differences of
the Ulema, etc.
5.) Do not gossip about fellow workers or even about the
company itself especially when these matters do not concern
you. Such gossips generally lead towards problems. Rasulullâh 
said, “Backbiting is worse than fornication.”
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6.) When you make a mistake at work which everyone inevitably
does at some point then do not blame a fellow worker, rather
apologise for one’s mistake.
7.) Help others when you are able to do so. However, one should
assist others solely for the pleasure of Allâh and without any
intention of receiving re-payment, or any other ulterior motive.
8.) Do not utilise any utensils or chairs belonging to other
colleagues without their consent. This may sound trivial but
many disputes arise due to such acts.
9.) Well established staff can sometimes feel threatened by
change or new ideas. Always acknowledge the skills and
expertise of your more experienced colleagues as well. One
should have the confidence to voice his ideas and suggest
improvements, but remember to tread carefully. Do not be harsh
in promoting your idea or regard your idea only to be correct.
10.) Greet fellow workers (male) with a smile.
11.) Learn to adjust if things don’t go your way. Don’t take things
to heart.
12.) If someone shouts at you, do not shout back. You will not
become small if you say sorry.
13.) Avoid being rude to others and never lash out at others
when you are under pressure.
14.) Never open anyone else’s envelopes or check their e-mails.
Always respect your colleague’s privacy. Do not peep into
anyone else’s cubicles, drawers, etc.

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15.) One should never be alone with co-female workers. If one is
forced to work with them, he should keep his distance from
them. He should not be rude, but rather firm in his speech and
only speak when necessary. He should lower his gaze before
them. There is no need to joke, smile or speak unnecessarily with
them.

ETIQUETTES OF THE EMPLOYEE

As an employer, you assume the position of authority, which has

to be discharged with compassion and justice. Rasulullâh  is
reported to have said: “Woe to the rulers, leaders and trustees!
On the Day of Resurrection some people will wish that they could
be suspended between heaven and earth rather than having (to
face) the burden of their responsibilities."(Ibn Hibban)

Note: It is necessary to abide by the rules and regulations of the

company you are working for, on condition that it does not
contradict the teachings of Sharî’ah.

1.) The employer should clearly outline the duties of the

employee at the time of employment so that disputes do not
arise at a later stage. The hours of work, salaries and holidays
should also be fixed.
2.) The employer should respect employees at all times. Never
misbehave or be abusive to them. He may be firm but in a polite
manner.

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3.) Salaries should be credited to their accounts punctually. If
staff had worked overtime then they should be paid accordingly
in full.
4.) All employees should be treated equally irrespective of their
level of education, qualifications, race or family backgrounds. Do
not give special treatment to a specific employee because he is
your family friend.
5.) Employers should show some form of appreciation to those
that work well.
6.) It is necessary to be transparent with employees. Never hide
anything from them.
7.) Employers should lend a sympathetic ear to the employee’s
grievances and try their level best to resolve the matter. Do not
leave them un-attended as they can become a major concern
later.
8.) If any of the employees have confided in the employer, then
he should keep it confidential and not share it with others.
9.) Employers should pay their employees a fair salary.
10.) Employees should be given the freedom to raise an issue
without any fear of retaliation.
11.) Employers should fulfil all promises that were made at the
time of employment.
12.) Employers should ensure that employees are given their
break or lunch hour in full. If the employees are Muslim, special
care should be given that time is given off for Zuhr and Asr salâh.

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In Ramadhân, the workload of Muslim employees should be
lessened, and work-time could be reduced.
13.) If an employee had accidentally damaged or broken some
item, then the employer cannot hold him responsible. Yes, if it
was done intentionally, then he may be held accountable.
14.) Employing strange women to work for one when she will
have contact with other men is not permissible. If all the laws of
hijâb are observed, then it will be permissible to hire her.
However, her instructions, salary, etc. should be given by
another mahram female of the boss or by means of one of her
male family members.
15.) Take into consideration the feelings of non-Muslim
employees. Explain to them with wisdom and politeness if they
have any doubt regarding any aspect of Islâm. Do not brush them
aside thinking that they are non-Muslims. In actual fact, it is our
duty to give them practical da’wat to Islâm at all times and
occasionally, to give them verbal da’wat to Islâm.
16.) Make duâ for all ones employees. Occasionally give them
gifts. This will foster love.

ETIQUETTES OF THE EMPLOYER

1.) An employee should recognise the value of work and be

grateful to Allâh . He has to discharge his obligations with
commitment, punctuality and proficiency. The Holy Qur'ân refers
to these qualities in the following words: "One of the two
daughters of Shu'aib  said: “O My father employ him; surely the

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best of men for you to employ are those who are strong and
trustworthy." (28:26)
2.) Rasulullâh  is reported to have said: "When a man does any
work, Allâh wishes him to give it perfection and grace.” (i.e. the
person is expected to do his/her work with commitment and
dedication).
3.) Work is an act of worship, which requires sincerity of purpose
and loyalty. The employee must be able to win confidence of the
employer by displaying competence and proficiency. Cleanliness
and hygiene constitute half of faith in Islam. Domestic workers
have to be particularly trained to ensure the laws of taharât
[purity] are not compromised.
4.) Rasulullâh  is reported to have said: “Fulfil the trust of one
who has entrusted you and do not be treacherous to one who
deceives you." Time and punctuality are a trust; the employer's
time is sacred; absconding from work, 'killing' time, neglecting
your duties and poor performance tantamount to treachery of
this trust. Another tradition categorically states: "There is no
imân in one who is not trustworthy nor is there religion in him
who does not keep his promise.”
5.) The employer is therefore entitled to: a.) Sincerity b.)
Responsibility c.) Honesty d.) Proficiency. One should never
mention the secrets of the company to others.
6.) Do not spend time on your phone or chat lines during hours
of employment.
7.) The employee should always arrive on time, be kind, polite,
and work to the best of his ability.
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8.) Any facilities provided by the employer should be used for the
intended purpose and should not be abused (by using it for one’s
personal needs).
9.) If the employer intends replacing a certain employee then an
advanced notice should be given so that he is able to find an
alternate occupation. The same ruling applies to the employee
that intends leaving work.

ETIQUETTES OF DRIVING

1.) It is necessary to abide by the rules and regulations of the

country (including regulations of the road) which is stipulated by
the country, if it does not contradict the teachings of Sharî’ah.
2.) One should fasten the seatbelt before travelling.
3.) One should not exceed the speed limit stipulated by the traffic
authorities. Speeding is an offence in Sharî’ah as well. If one
causes an accident due to exceeding the recommended speed
limit and being unable to control his vehicle then such a person
will be held responsible (for damages). If the driver that was
speeding loses his life due to exceeding the speed limit then
according to certain Ulema such a person is regarded to have
committed suicide.
4.) One should always give pedestrians the right of way at
pedestrian crossings or at traffic lights.
5.) Drivers should always decrease their speed limit when
approaching schools as kids run across the road suddenly.

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6.) One should not stop one’s vehicle at such places where
stopping one’s vehicle is prohibited.
7.) One should maintain a safe driving distance between oneself
and the vehicle ahead so that one has ample time to stop in case
of emergency. Do not drive too fast and apply dead brakes,
except in an emergency. This damages the brakes and tyres.
8.) Ensure that one’s head lamps and indicators are in good
working order as driving with one headlamp or the indicators not
working can be dangerous. Also, one should ensure that one’s
vehicle is regularly serviced, as un-serviced vehicles give off
fumes which are harmful to the environment. Water, oil and tyre
pressure should be checked regularly.
9.) Whilst driving, one should not dispose (throw out) any dirt
from the window. This is a dangerous practice. For example, if
one throws a bottle out, it could hit the windscreen of the vehicle
behind and obscure his view.
10.) A vehicle is a bounty from Allâh  that is used to convey a
person to his destination. One should not squander or waste his
wealth by fitting expensive mag wheels and audio systems with
the intention of show. Such expenditure will fall under the
category of “Tabzeer” (i.e. wastage). In the Qurân, Allâh  states,
“Verily the extravagant ones are the brothers of the Shayâtîn,
and Shaytân was ever ungrateful to his Sustainer.”
11.) One should not play the radio or recordings at high volumes
especially when this causes disturbance to others. Many people
have a habit of playing nazams at high volumes whilst washing
their vehicles. One should refrain from such practices.
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12.) Slow moving vehicles should always keep to the left side of
the road so that fast moving vehicles are not inconvenienced in
any way.
13.) Do not inconvenience other drivers by using bright lights at
night when there are other vehicles driving ahead or there is
oncoming vehicles.
14.) Avoid sending text messages or reading text messages whilst
driving as such a practice can be dangerous. Also, one should
avoid chatting on the cell phone.
15.) One should give other drivers adequate time to see that you
are moving into their lane or crossing lanes. Do not appear in
front of other cars suddenly, nor should one weave through lanes
as this may inconvenience other drivers.
16.) If a driver lets you in a lane then one should be thankful to
him by a quick raise of the hand.
17.) Whilst picking up passengers from their homes one should
get off the cars and knock on the door or use the bell rather than
hooting as this will disturb others than may be sleeping or
resting. One should avoid hooting, especially near hospitals.
18.) When driving through muddy areas or such areas where
there are pools of water on the road, then one should reduce his
speed so that he does not splash water onto nearby pedestrians.
19.) Courtesy is most important in safe driving. The courteous
driver considers how his action will affect those behind him, in
front of him and beside him.

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20.) Do not stop in the middle of the road to chat with some-one,
pick up some-one or drop some-one. Even worse is when the
drivers of two vehicles stop to chat to one another, thus
obstructing vehicles on both sides.

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 ETIQUETTES OF PARKING

1.) Vehicles should be parked in designated areas. Avoid parking

in a disabled parking zone as this causes inconvenience to the
physically disabled and elderly. One should not obstruct other
vehicles by parking behind them. Double parking can be a
hindrance in an emergency.
2.) Do not obstruct driveways belonging to others (especially
when one is late for Jamât salâh or a programme). Always
consider other people.
3.) Vehicles should not be parked in loading bays whether one is
at a shopping mall or local CBD. We are inconveniencing the
business people and the delivering vehicles by parking in these
bays.
4.) Do not obstruct other parking space seekers whilst you wait
for a space to open up near the store entrance. If a shopper has
loaded his vehicle and ready to leave the parking bay there is no
harm in waiting for him to leave the parking bay. (Many people
sit in their vehicles near the store entrance anticipating some
vehicle to leave and cause congestion and obstruction to other
vehicles).
5.) Centre your vehicle in its parking space. Overhanging the
parking stripes (i.e. the white lines) will tend to crowd the driver
adjacent to your vehicle, and this frequently leads to door dings
in the paint of the car.
6.) In small parking lots, individual lanes may be one way.
Generally a painted arrow is found on the road or on a sign board
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indicating that the lane is one way. One should abide by all such
rules and regulations. One should ensure that he abides by the
stop sign and yield sign boards in the parking lots.
7.) When intending to turn into a parking bay one should indicate
so that the vehicle behind you is aware of your intentions. (Many
a times the vehicle ahead does not indicate and the driver behind
ends up applying dead brakes or even getting involved in an
accident).
8.) One should always park shopping trolleys in designated areas.
Do not leave your trolley behind another vehicle as this will
inconvenience the owner of the vehicle.
9.) When finding a parking space one should not squeeze his
vehicle into a narrow space which he knows he is going to have
difficulty getting out of or cause inconvenience to one’s
neighbour.
10.) One should adhere to the speed limits in parking lots.
11.) When getting off one’s vehicle one should not swing the
door as this may damage the vehicle that is parked adjacently.
Exercise caution when opening doors.
12.) Don’t be greedy over a parking space as such behaviour
causes fights or even accidents. Be courteous.

ETIQUETTES OF A JOURNEY

1.) Make a list of things needed on the journey before time, so

that important items are not forgotten.

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2.) Travel very lightly as far as possible.
3.) Our mashâikh were very particular about leaving a mahram
with the women-folk at home to see to their needs.
4.) Assist others on a journey if possible. However do not take on
such responsibilities which one cannot manage.
5.) It is preferred to be light-hearted during travel.
6.) During travelling, one has to be considerate of others and
have lots of patience. Remember that Allâh  places goodness in
whatever happens to a believer.
7.) If one has to use the toilet or make wudhu at public places like
filling stations, he should ensure that he leaves the place as clean
as possible. If permission is not granted to wash one’s feet, then
fill up water in a bottle, and at some other suitable place outside,
one can wash one’s feet. When using the toilet in the aeroplane
one should ensure that he cleans up the place after using it. If
one performs Wudhu, then one should wipe up all the water that
had splashed.
8.) When travelling anywhere, a person should never give his
contact details to any person who he does not know. He should
rather give him the contact details of the madrasah, masjid, or
markaz nearby his home.
9.) Be extremely careful with documents and money whilst
travelling. Even a few seconds of neglect can lead to much
hardship if one’s documents are stolen. Try as far as possible to
keep one’s money in a money-belt or in a vest; and not in a hand-
bag or travel bag.

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A few etiquettes with regards to air travel:
1.) Ensure that one leaves for the airport long before time, so
that, if Allâh forbid, there is an accident, road-block, etc. one will
have enough time to reach the airport, without becoming
frustrated.
2.) The womenfolk should meet family members at home, and as
far as possible, should not go to the airport. If there is some real
need, then they should proceed without any fancy clothing.
3.) When passengers are waiting to disembark, don’t rush to
stand in the pathway before the doors have opened. Remain
seated until the doors have opened and the queue begins to
move.
4.) Try as far as possible to be within the limits allowed by the
airplane. If a person has excess luggage, he should pay for it.
Bribing officials to let the luggage pass through is a major sin.
5.) Remain engaged in the dhikr of Allâh , tilâwat, reciting good
Islamic literature, or sleep away. Abstain from playing computer
games, watching television and reading in-flight magazines.
Special care needs to be taken with regard to protection of one’s
gazes in the planes.
6.) If the time of salâh arrives, one should not cause an
obstruction by performing salâh when food is being served, or
when the plane is about to land. Taking permission, one should
perform salâh in such a place where he will not be an
obstruction, and he should perform a short salâh.

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7.) A person should follow all the rules of the airport. In certain
designated areas where permission is not given to be entered, he
should not enter those places. If permission is only given for
certain people to enter that area, then only those people should
enter those areas.

ETIQUETTES OF SHOPPING

1.) Remember that the most disliked of permissible places in the

sight of Allâh  is the shopping areas, bazaars, malls. Therefore,
one should not go there without necessity. One should go there
only when one has a need. These should be noted down before
leaving home. One should never go with the intention of
‘window shopping’ or ‘just looking around’.
2.) Think before buying. Don’t be extravagant and don’t be
stingy. A person who does so will be granted blessings (barakah).
3.) Engage in the dhikr of Allâh  in the market-place. Lower one’s
gaze. One should not even look at mannequins and dolls of the
opposite gender.
4.) Do not take change or credit cards, etc. from members of the
opposite sex directly. Kindly request them to place it on the
counter.
5.) Count one’s change before departing, with the intention that
if you have been given excess change, you will return it.
6.) It is the duty of the menfolk to do the shopping. If a woman
has to emerge for some necessity, then the following points
should be kept in mind:
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a.) Dress modesty, wearing dull-plain black cloaks. Never wear
coloured cloaks, scarves, etc.
b.) When standing in a queue, do not stand close to any man. Use
your trolley or basket as a barrier.
c.) Refrain from carrying expensive handbags and displaying
designer labels.
d.) Walk on the side of a pathway, escalator or corridor. Never
walk in the centre.
e.) Keep one’s voice as low as possible. If there is a need to talk,
a woman should speak with a firm tone.
f.) Never leave sleeping children at home or in the car.

POLLUTION

Polluting the earth, air, water has a detrimental effect on oneself

and fellow human beings. Rasulullâh  is reported to have said,
“Do not urinate in stagnant water.” (Tabrânî) Rasulullâh 
prohibited that a person relieves himself under a fruit bearing
tree, and he prohibited that a person relieves himself at the bank
of a flowing river. (Tabrânî) in a narration of Tirmidhî, Rasulullâh
 is reported to have said, “Verily Allâh  is pure who loves things
that are pure, clean who loves cleanliness, kind who loves
kindness, generous who loves generosity, therefore clean your
courtyard and do not resemble the Jews.”

From these ahâdith it is quite evident that it is necessary upon

every human being to protect the environment and not to cause
inconvenience especially by polluting natural resources that are

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shared by one and all. Research and experience has shown that
85% of littering is the result of individual behaviour- (i.e. by
choosing to litter or being careless in the handling of waste).
Litter has environmental consequences. Debris (scattered items
and pieces of rubbish) may be carried by storm drains into local
waterways with potential for serious contamination. We should
not pollute waterways, rivers, lakes, etc. in any way whatsoever.
According to research water pollution is the leading cause death
and diseases. It accounts for the death of 14000 people daily. An
estimated of 580 people die of diarrheal sickness daily. Some
90% of China’s cities suffer from some degree of water pollution.
Nearly 500 million people lack access to safe drinking water.

Many people even feel that it is not their responsibility and feel
no sense of ownership for parks, walkways, beaches, and other
public places. One should not feel ashamed but pick up litter that
is found on the ground. A person that removes some harmful
object from the road (such as removing a banana peel) will get
the reward of Sadaqah (charity). In Bukhari Sharif, Rasulullâh  is
reported to have said, “Whilst a person was walking he found a
thorny branch on the road and removed it, Allâh  had
appreciated this action and forgave him.”

1.) Ensure that all litter, paper, plastic and chips packets, are
dumped into trash bins provided by the local municipality.
2.) We should educate our youth or children in regards to
littering as research shows that those under thirty are more likely
to litter than people over the age of thirty.
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3.) One should keep a litter bag in one’s vehicle wherein all litter
can be collected. Litter should not be thrown out of the vehicle
whilst driving or even whilst the car is stationary. If one is
disposing of some liquid then ensure it does not leak out and
harm the refuse collectors. Chewing gum should also be wrapped
in some paper or tissue and then thrown into the bin so that it
does not inconvenience others.
4.) Islam prohibits a person from smoking as it is Makrûh-e-
Tahrimi. If a person is involved in this sickness, he should smoke
in non-smoking areas and dispose of his cigarette stumps by
dumping them into ashtrays.

GENERAL ETIQUETTES

1.) Anything which is used by a number of persons should be

replaced in its original place after use, so that someone else does
not have to search for it when required.
2.) After having used an item e.g. a chair, do not leave it in the
way or in a place where it becomes an obstacle for others.
3.) When giving someone an item, do not throw it to him from a
distance. Give it in his hand.
4.) When passing something heavy, hot or a liquid or food to
another, do not pass it over some-one’s head. Perhaps it may
slip.
5.) If a needle becomes stuck in one’s clothing, do not pull it out
with one’s teeth. It may break and hurt you. Similarly, do not pick
your teeth with a needle or knife. This is dangerous.
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6.) Do not leave a needle or any sharp or dangerous item on a
chair or bed. Someone may sit or lay down on it.
7.) Do not suddenly lift a stone which has been lying in the same
spot for a while. Sometimes a scorpion, etc. may be concealed
there-under.
8.) Do not throw away a lighted match. First extinguish it.
9.) Never leave candle or burning lamp unattended. Ensure that
the stove, heater, iron, etc. are switched off before leaving
home.
10.) When handling dangerous items such as boiling water, hot
oil, etc. be very careful. Some people are in the careless habit of
leaving a cup of hot tea/water at the edge of a table. A small child
may grab it and spill the boiling contents on himself. Women are
in the habit of leaving cooking utensils with their handles
protruding from stoves and table-tops. A passing person may
bump against the handle and spill the contents with grave
consequences. If children are present, greater care must be
taken as they can pull the utensil down playfully when the
mother is inattentive.
Be extremely careful when heating oil on the stove. Keep a
careful eye, as fires can be caused due to negligence.
11.) If you have to pass a gathering or crowded area with a sharp
instrument, keep the point or sharp edge down, covered or
concealed to avoid accidental injury to anyone.

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12.) Do not in jest point a sharp instrument to anyone. This is
dangerous and forbidden. Do not throw anything e.g. a pebble in
playfulness. It may strike someone in the eye or hurt another.
13.) Do not give an open knife in someone’s hand. Place it down
so that he may lift it up himself.
14.) Always keep a stock of essential medicines at home.
However ensure that it is kept well out of the reach of children.
15.) Do not use medicine without it having being prescribed by a
qualified physician, especially eye-drops and ear-drops.
16.) Safeguard and treat with care an object which you have
borrowed. After use, return it immediately. Do not wait for the
owner to request the return of the item.
17.) Do not use the articles of others without their permission.
To do so is sinful. However, if someone did commit this sin, he
should return the item to its original place so that the owner
experiences no difficulty in locating it.
18.) Have fixed places for your things. Always replace them in
their fixed places after use.
19.) Do not lift very heavy objects. Many people suffer life-long
ailments and physical dislocation as a result of having lifted very
heavy burdens in their younger days. In this regard women
should exercise exceptional care.
20.) Do not discuss money matters in front of children or workers
nor count or hide one’s money in their presence. Children are
very innocent and may easily give this information to some-one
else.
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21.) Do not throw peels or other harmful objects on the road.
22.) Do not remove shoes, sandals, etc. leaving them in the
middle of the room or in front of the doorway. Some-one may
trip on them and fall, hurting himself. Place them neatly in the
corner where no-one walks.
23.) During winter wear suitable garments to give warmth. Many
females wear insufficient garments during winter. This either
causes colds or fever.
24.) Do not wear such clothing that one has to serve them,
whereas clothing was made to serve a person by beautifying and
covering his body.
25.) In salâh, one should be mindful of his clothing, especially the
kurta and châdar, during salâh with jamâ’at. These should be
folded slightly especially when going into sajdah, so that the
people next to one are not inconvenienced.
26.) When making sajdah, it is sunnah for men to spread out their
arms. However, this is when one is performing salâh individually
and there is none next to him. If someone is close to him, then
he should not spread out his arms as this will cause
inconvenience to the next person.
27.) When visiting any person, if any damage is caused to his
property, then one should inform the people of the house and
offer to reimburse for damages caused.

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Rasulullâh  said, “The true Muslim is he from whose tongue and
hand Muslims are saved.” (Bukhâri)
Hadrat Thanwî  said, “Despite the great importance of
mu’âsharah (social etiquettes), numerous people amongst the
general masses and some among the scholars offer extreme little
attention to it for practical purposes. Even those who give
practical expression, refrain from instructing others. If people
practise on these teachings, the pleasure of Jannah will be
experienced right here on earth.
Mu’âsharah is an inseparable part of Islâm. A perfect Muslim will
therefore be one who adopts all the branches of dîn. In all
aspects, he has to behave as a Muslim. There has to be no
resemblance with disbelievers. Just as salâh and fasting is
compulsory, so too is mu’âsharah. Nowadays it is not even
considered part of dîn, whereas many verses and chapters of
ahâdîth have been compiled in this sphere of life. The etiquettes
of mu’âsharah are disappearing day by day although these are
natural things. But rectitude has in fact vanished from the hearts
of people. A greater evil is the laxity of attitude. The capacity to
ponder and reflect is absent. If Muslims contemplate, their gaze
will reach all sides.”
Moulânâ Muhammad Yusuf Saheb  said, “The foundation of the
social life of Rasulullâh  is based on purity, simplicity and
modesty. The social life of the Jews is based on immodesty,
extravagance and luxury.”
Remember! The corruption of monetary and social dealings
destroys the unity of the ummah.”

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