PART ONE

My First Meetings with Srila Prabhupada

July 19, 1971 to June 14, 1972

2 1 2
“What is the difficulty?”
July 19, 1971 ISKCON Brooklyn, New York

I had moved into the Pittsburgh Temple in April of 1971.

In July of that year, Kirtanananda Maharaja took a few of us to
the Brooklyn temple to receive first initiation. Needless to say,
we were all very excited.
Being Kirtanananda Maharaja’s servant enabled me to be
very close to Srila Prabhupada’s Vyasasana during class. The
day of my initiation was the first time I was able to be in the
personal presence of my eternal spiritual master. It was a mo-
ment I will never forget. His effulgence was extraordinary. I
stared at his every move. The kirtan was ecstatic. By the time
the chanting stopped the temperature in the temple room must
 What is the Difficulty?

have risen to at least 100 degrees.

Hundreds of devotees squeezed into the temple room and
tried to get as close to Srila Prabhupada as possible. After kir-
tan, we simultaneously bowed down to offer our obeisances.
This made the room even more cramped. I started to get up
before the devotee behind me, and accidentally placed my pos-
terior on his head. This startled him and he rose very quickly.
pushing me forward with great force right onto the side of Srila
Prabhupada’s Vyasasana. My hands and head landed directly at
his right side.
“What is the difficulty?” he asked me.
I shrank back onto the floor unable to say anything in re-
sponse.

Srila Prabhupada, many times I heard you ask, “What

is the difficulty?” Whenever you asked that question,
you knew we couldn’t answer because you mercifully
removed all of the difficulty out of this process.
“This process is so simple,” you explained. “Just
chant Hare Krishna and be happy. If you chant sixteen
rounds and follow the four regulative principles then
at the end of this life you will go back home, back to
Godhead.”
All Glories to Srila Prabhupada!
My First Meetings 

2 2 2
“And your name is Srutakirti DASA”
July 22, 1971 ISKCON Brooklyn, New York

I arrived at New York Temple from New Vrndavana with

Kirtanananda Maharaja and a few other bhaktas to receive ini-
tiation. I mentioned my initial contact with him, a few days
earlier, when I accidentally landed on his Vyasasana. My first
formal meeting was the day His Divine Grace gave me Hare
Nama initiation. I had met the devotees exactly three months
before in a park in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
There were ten bhaktas initiated each day during his stay
at the Brooklyn temple. I vividly remember the initiation cer-
emony when Srila Prabhupada’s secretary called, “Bhakta Vin.”
I squeezed my way through the crowded temple room to Srila
Prabhupada’s Vyasasana and nervously offered my obeisances.
His servant at the time, Aravinda, said my name. “Srutakirti.”
I stood in front of Srila Prabhupada as he looked at me. He
said, “Srutakirti, one whose activities are world famous.” All
the devotees chanted, “Jaya, Haribol”. He continued to look at
me and said, “And your name is Srutakirti dasa.” He placed ex-
tra emphasis on word, ‘Dasa’. Motioning with his hand he said,
“Come on!” I leaned forward, eager to receive my Japa beads
upon which he had just chanted. Then he asked me, “What
are the rules? I responded, “No meat-eating, no illicit sex, no
intoxication, no gambling.” It wasn’t too hard to remember
them. I had been repeating these words in my head for the
last hour. We were all so nervous at the time of initiation. It
wasn’t unusual for us to forget one or more of the regulative
principles.
Again, he looked at me and inquired, “How many rounds
you’ll chant?” I foolishly said with a little pride in my voice,
“Around twenty, Prabhupada.”
 What is the Difficulty?

He looked at me knowingly and murmured, “Hmmm.” I

could tell he wasn’t impressed with my response. I quickly of-
fered my obeisances and made my way back to my spot in the
temple room. When I sat down, someone asked me what name
I had been given. “I don’t know,” I replied. How could I? I
had never heard the word before. There were so many Sanskrit
words that I couldn’t pronounce, so much I didn’t know.
Fortunately, we had the option of reviewing our names on
a list tacked to Srila Prabhupada’s door after the fire sacrifice.
We would go there and write our new names on a piece of pa-
per, with the correct diacritic marks, so we could make sure we
had understood our names correctly.
It was a dream come true. I was miserable in the material
world, but I didn’t know why. Before becoming a devotee, at
the age of 19, I would go to bed at night with tears in my eyes
and pray to an unknown God saying, “If you are there and can
hear me, please reveal yourself. I am so unhappy and don’t
know what to do with my life.” Within a week my prayer was
answered when I met the devotees chanting in a park.

Srila Prabhupada, there is nothing more painful in

the three worlds than to be without the knowledge of our
position as your humble servant. I humbly beg that you
always allow me to remember you and, although I am
unqualified, please let me associate with your devotees
and continue to do some service, however insignificant
it may be.
My First Meetings 

2 3 2
“Where were you during my lecture?”
May 21, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

While Kirtanananda Maharaja and I were in New Dvaraka

for a week, I received Brahmana initiation from Srila Prabhupa-
da. Although I was not yet Srila Prabhupada’s personal servant,
in retrospect, I was being initiated into that mood. Throughout
the week whenever I saw Srila Prabhupada’s servant, I con-
templated his great fortune and stared at him uncontrollably.
He would glance back at me and smile slightly. He must have
thought I was very strange.
One morning during his lecture, Srila Prabhupada noticed
his servant was not by his Vyasasana, so he inquired as to his
whereabouts.
“He is in the kitchen,” a devotee said.
His Divine Grace continued with class. After his lecture,
Kirtanananda Maharaja and I went into Srila Prabhupada’s
room. The atmosphere was tense and Srila Prabhupada was
visibly unhappy. Then Srila Prabhupada’s servant brought in
his breakfast.
“Where were you during my lecture?” Srila Prabhupada
asked in an angry mood. “I was preparing your breakfast,” his
servant answered.
“Why?” Srila Prabhupada asked even louder. “Anyone can
prepare breakfast. You should be there at the lecture.”
His illustrious personal servant gave another reason, but
Srila Prabhupada was not pacified.
“You must be there,” Srila Prabhupada told him. “There is
no reason to be absent.”
I sat in the room shaking. It was my first experience seeing
and hearing my spiritual master in an angry mood. It was dif-
ficult to watch as his servant tried to explain himself.
 What is the Difficulty?

“Talking back to Srila Prabhupada,” I thought to myself,

“can’t be good.”
This was a good lesson for me. I made up my mind I would
never do that if Srila Prabhupada chastised me. When Srila
Prabhupada left New Dvaraka in August of 1972, Srila Prabhu-
pada’s servant remained behind to get married. Srila Prabhu-
pada tried to keep him as his servant saying he “was expert.”
In September of 1973, I was Srila Prabhupada’s servant in
New Dvaraka. He told me to prepare his meals in my quar-
ters, not in the temple kitchen, because there were too many
women there. Sixteen months later, history repeated itself. Sri-
la Prabhupada left New Dvaraka and I remained, to be married
to a girl I had met in the temple kitchen.
Srila Prabhupada knew the weaknesses of his disciples and
mercifully encouraged us to rise above them. When we failed,
he continued compassionately to accept our service, on what-
ever level we were able to perform it. On many occasions, he
said that our young age was the cause of our restlessness.

Srila Prabhupada, you tried so hard to protect us. You

chastised us for sleeping too much, overeating, gossiping,
and for wasting time. There were innumerable reasons
why you corrected us, being inattentive in our service,
being proud. It was always done because of your great
love and compassion for us. Sometimes you cried when
you heard a disciple had left your shelter. Your love for
us is unequalled and unending. There is no safe place in
this world except at your lotus feet.
My First Meetings 

2 4 2
“Krishna is like a Sweet Ball.”
May 22, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California
Srila Prabhupada’s Garden

I went to New Dvaraka for about one week with Kirtanan-

anda Maharaja, to receive Brahmana initiation. Each evening
at dusk, Srila Prabhupada went to his garden to hear Krishna
Book. A few fortunate disciples were able to join him.
By Krishna’s grace, I was asked to read. I spent each day in
anticipation of this blissful activity. Seated on his asana un-
der the arch of a vine-covered trellis, Srila Prabhupada usually
kept his hand in his bead bag. Sometimes we heard him softly
chant the maha-mantra. He carefully listened to Krishna Book,
and sometimes smiled as he heard the delightful activities of
Krishna and His brother Balarama.
One evening as I read the story “Deliverance of Dvivida Go-
rilla,” Srila Prabhupada smiled broadly while hearing of the
mischievous nature of Dvivida. He chuckled when I read the
passage, “Often he would go to the hermitages of great saintly
persons and sages and cause a great disturbance by smashing
their beautiful gardens and orchards.”
I sensed the story was going to get better, and it did.
“Not only did he create disturbances in that way,” I contin-
ued, “But, sometimes he would pass urine and stool on their
sacred sacrificial arena.”
Srila Prabhupada laughed so hard I stopped reading for a
moment. Seeing his reaction we all experienced incredible
bliss. He ecstatically slapped his leg. He liked hearing about
Krishna and Balarama killing the demons.
The next evening when we entered the garden I immediately
sat down on the lawn and began to look for a story involving a
 What is the Difficulty?

demon. I was going through the pages for a few seconds when
Srila Prabhupada stopped me saying, “Go on. Read from any-
where. Krishna is like a sweet ball. Wherever you bite, it tastes
good.”
I joyfully went to the beginning of the next story and started
reading.
Staying close to Kirtanananda Maharaja, I was able to go on
morning walks with Srila Prabhupada as well. Each day we
waited in the hallway for Srila Prabhupada to come downstairs.
Because I had been reading Krishna Book in the evenings, Sri-
la Prabhupada kindly noticed me one morning as he walked
down the stairs. He looked straight into my eyes.
“Oh!” he said. “Look at this nice young brahmacari. What is
your name?” Struck with awe, I couldn’t answer. He continued
walking down the stairs.
“His name is Srutakirti, Prabhupada,” Kirtanananda said.
“Oh! Suta Gosvami,” Srila Prabhupada said smiling.
Srila Prabhupada walked out the door. I finally had a reason
to live because my beloved Gurudeva recognized me as the re-
citer of Krishna’s Lila, like Suta Gosvami. Overwhelmed with
the graceful glance of His Divine Grace, I understood that he
appreciated my Krishna book reading.

My dear Srila Prabhupada, after becoming your

personal servant, I was able to see how appreciative you
were of the service rendered by each of your disciples.
You were pleased to see the seeds of devotion you planted
taking root and becoming strong. You relished seeing
your students advance in Krishna Consciousness. Many
times you said,
“I have turned hippies into happies.”
As I remember your beautiful lotus feet, I feel very
happy. Serving them is my only shelter. Thank you for
My First Meetings 

giving me this eternal opportunity.

2 5 2
“A devotee has no ambition”
May 24, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California
Srila Prabhupada’s Garden

One afternoon Srila Prabhupada was sitting in his garden

with the parents of a young brahmacari. Having landscaped
the garden for Prabhupada, they had the good fortune to have
pleased His Divine Grace. Kirtanananda Maharaja and I were
also present.
“A devotee is very proud to be Krishna’s servant,” Srila Pra-
bhupada said. “A devotee has that pride. We are not ashamed
that we are Krishna’s servants.”
Then speaking directly to the parents, Srila Prabhupada said,
“Your son is a very nice boy and a good devotee.”
They were very pleased by the sweet words of His Divine
Grace, but stated, “The devotees don’t seem very ambitious.”
“That is right,” Srila Prabhupada said. “A devotee has no
ambition. He simply wants to do some humble service for
Krishna. He is not trying to do anything big. A devotee is not
ambitious. We have no ambition.”
Seeing the parent’s discomfort, Kirtanananda Maharaja
quickly added, “What Prabhupada means to say is that the
devotees have no material ambition.”
“No!” Srila Prabhupada replied. “We have no ambition. The
devotee is not at all ambitious. We just want to serve Krish-
na.”
Srila Prabhupada always knew the exact point he was mak-
ing, even if others didn’t. Sometimes disciples would try to in-
10 What is the Difficulty?

terpret Srila Prabhupada’s statements, thinking that cultural

differences prevented his guests from understanding Srila Pra-
bhupada.
His Divine Grace always knew whom he was dealing with,
what they meant to say and exactly what he wanted them to
understand.

There are hundreds of devotees all over the world

to whom Srila Prabhupada spoke only a few sentences.
They will tell you that those few words were exactly
what they needed to hear, to sustain them to this day.
There are some to whom he didn’t even speak. He just
glanced at them and it was enough to keep them in
Krishna Consciousness. I do not know anything about
my spiritual master except that he perfectly presented
Krishna Consciousness to us, and if one remains
faithful to him, and his instructions, their life will be
successful.
Jai Srila Prabhupada!

2 6 2
“This little neglect will snowball.”
May 25, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

While in New Dvaraka, Srila Prabhupada liked to take his

morning walk on the beach. Included in the group one morn-
ing were Kirtanananda Swami, Kuladri, a young bhakta about
17 years old, and myself. During the walk, the bhakta spotted a
large sand crab scurrying along the sand. He stopped to watch
it, while the rest of us walked with Srila Prabhupada. The
ever-observant Srila Prabhupada said, “This boy is too much
My First Meetings 11

attached to material things. This little neglect will snowball.

Everything comes, first little things and then big things.”
The walk continued with the boy catching up to the rest of
us after a minute. No one brought up the incident to the young
bhakta. When we arrived back in New Vrndavana a week later
the boy left the temple and was not seen again, as Srila Prab-
hupada predicted.

Srila Prabhupada, please stamp my forehead with the

words,” Keep at the lotus feet of Jagat Guru.” Without
your direction, I may also end up walking with crabs.

2 7 2
“I still want to run up the stairs…”
June 14, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

One morning after Srila Prabhupada’s walk, a group of five

or six devotees stood in the downstairs hallway and watched as
he walked upstairs using his cane.
“Jai, Srila Prabhupada!” we gratefully chanted.
He turned toward us with an endearing and beautiful
smile.
“I was just thinking,” he said. “When I was young, I would
run up the stairs. Now that same desire is there. I still want to
run up the stairs, but due to this body, now I can’t run. I still
want to do all these things, like when I was young. I want to be
active, but the body is very limiting.”
He continued walking up the stairs as we paid our heartfelt
obeisances.
Srila Prabhupada had voluntarily accepted so many incon-
veniences to save us from this foolishly gross bodily concep-
12 What is the Difficulty?

tion of life. I witnessed the majesty of Prabhupada’s lila while

personally serving him, but there were many painful periods
as well.

My heart ached as I witnessed the suffering His

Divine Grace endured due to willingly accepting the
sinful reactions of all of his disciples. The fact that
Srila Prabhupada experienced these discomforts will
never diminish his greatness, but magnify it. This is
the unlimited mercy of the pure devotee. Who can be
this magnanimous? He is our ever well-wisher, having
taken the unbearable responsibility to save us from our
fallen condition.
Jai Srila Prabhupada!
 PART TWO

Twice Around the World in 481 Days

September 7, 1972 to December 31, 1973

2 8 2
My first service: “Wash this.”
September 7, 1972 ISKCON New Vrndavana, West Virginia
On the Eve of Becoming Srila Prabhupada’s Personal Servant

Srila Prabhupada had been in New Vrndavana for a week,

and all I had seen was the inside of the Bahulaban kitchen.
I was extremely envious of my god-brothers and god-sisters,
who had been going up the hill to see Srila Prabhupada and
hearing him speak every day. I was cooking for a few hundred
devotees from 3:30 a.m. until 9:00 pm They all came to see
Srila Prabhupada during the annual Janmastami festival. Since
I didn’t have time to chant my rounds, I was distressed. While
visiting Los Angeles, I had grown attached to having Srila Pra-
bhupada’s personal association and reading Krishna Book in
14 What is the Difficulty?

his garden. Now, my self-pity was mounting.

Around 9:00 pm I was lamenting my misfortune when Kir-
tanananda Maharaja came into the kitchen with a huge smile
on his face.
“Guess what?” he said. “You are going to be Prabhupada’s
personal servant. You’ll be leaving tomorrow morning with
him to go to Pittsburgh.”
I was speechless, ecstatic and very nervous. It happened so
quickly that I didn’t have time to think about it. I was exhaust-
ed.
At 6:00 am, Kirtanananda Swami brought me to Madhuva-
na, which was a small, one-story farmhouse where Srila Prab-
hupada was staying. I was still in a state of shock. We walked
into the small sitting room and I offered my obeisances.
“This is Srutakirti, Srila Prabhupada,” Kirtanananda said.
“He cooks very nicely.” “That’s very good,” Srila Prabhupada
said, smiling.
“But, he doesn’t know how to massage,” Kirtanananda con-
tinued.
“That’s all right,” Srila Prabhupada said. “Anybody can mas-
sage. It is very easy.”
Then, Srila Prabhupada picked up a lota on the floor by his
desk and said in a deep voice, “OK. Come with me.”
He went out the back door of the farmhouse and walked to
the edge of the pavement. He stopped there for a moment and
turned to me.
“All right, wait here,” he instructed.
Srila Prabhupada walked about another 50 feet into a wood-
ed area. After a few minutes, he returned to the edge of the
pavement where I stood according to his instructions. As he
walked by me, he handed me the lota and said, “All right. Wash
this with some dirt and water.” He then walked back into the
farmhouse.
Twice Around the World 15

It was wonderful how he dealt with me that morning. There

was no “chit-chat,” no “please” or “thank you.” He immedi-
ately let me know that my position was to be his menial serv-
ant, assisting him in whatever way he wanted and taking care
of his bodily necessities. I was in complete bliss knowing what
my service was. I didn’t have the ability to do anything that
required intelligence, so for me, this service was ideal. I had
been given the most wonderful service of taking care of the
transcendental body of the servitor of God.
This was the first day of my life. For the first time I could
understand what my body and mind were meant for. Unfor-
tunately, due to my youthful restlessness and inability to take
sincerely to the process of Krishna consciousness, I lost my
service after a few short years. Now, with great regret, I am
begging the Supreme Lord Krishna to please give this fool an-
other chance to serve my spiritual father.

Srila Prabhupada, without you, I feel very lost and

alone. I do not know what to do with myself. It is very
painful. When I don’t think of you, my beloved spiritual
master, there is no reason to live. When I remember
you, Srila Prabhupada, there is much pain knowing
I have wasted much time in sense gratification. Srila
Prabhupada, my desire is continue being your menial
servant. I wish to be with you, cleaning your lota.

2 9 2
“…I just wanted to see how quick you are.”
September 8, 1972 ISKCON Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

This was my first full day as Srila Prabhupada’s personal

servant. My only training had been watching one massage that
16 What is the Difficulty?

Sudama Maharaja had given Srila Prabhupada.

“When Srila Prabhupada rings the bell, go immediately to
his room and ask how you can serve him,” I was instructed.
It was about 2:00 pm The bell rang. I nervously trotted into
Srila Prabhupada’s room and offered my obeisances. Sitting up
I asked, “What can I do, Srila Prabhupada?”
He smiled and said, “Oh, nothing. I just wanted to see how
quick you are.”
After successfully completing my first mission, I went back
to my room and relaxed, for the first time in the last 24 hours.
Srila Prabhupada was expertly putting me at ease with his sense
of humour, gentleness and kindness.

It was the first time Srila Prabhupada rang his bell

and called me into his room. Over the next two years I
walked into his room and offered obeisances thousands
of times. From the first day, he let me know it was
something that would always be exciting and rewarding.
It didn’t matter whether I went in to take Prabhupada
his lunch, or to be chastised for being inattentive in
my service. He always exhibited the qualities of a pure
devotee, and made me proud to be the servant of the
servant of Krishna.

2 10 2
“…they are better that way, if you can do it.”
September 11, 1972 ISKCON Dallas, Texas

These last few days have been the most wonderful days I
have had in Krishna Consciousness, despite the fact that I don’t
know what I am doing. I have given Srila Prabhupada three
massages and after each one his only comment was, “Thank
Twice Around the World 17

you very much.”

Yesterday he came into the kitchen and showed me how to
prepare his lunch in the cooker. He made dahl and vegetables
using the same chaunce and showed me how to roll chapatis
without a rolling pin. He said they are better that way, if you
can do it.
Today, he again cooked his lunch for my benefit. He made
three vegetables, dahl, and rice. I made the chapatis. He told
me that in the mornings he desired a little fruit with milk and
fruit in the late afternoon -- nothing more. He stressed the fact
that he only wants small portions on his plate.

I learned so much in a few days, more than how to

make chapatis without a rolling pin and how to spice. I
was experiencing what life was like with a pure devotee
of the Lord. Every moment was full of lessons. I could
understand Lord Caitanya’s statement, that by even
a moment’s association with a pure devotee, one can
achieve all perfection. Every word he spoke and every
movement made was in the service of his spiritual
master. If one follows his example, one will become
Krishna Conscious.

2 11 2
“Sruto”
September 12, 1972 ISKCON Dallas, Texas

Yesterday Srila Prabhupada rang his bell to call me. I went

into his sitting room and offered my obeisances. When I sat up,
he smiled and said, “Srutakirti, your name is too long. I will
call you Sruto.” The next few days His Divine Grace playfully
called me “Sruto.” My affection for him increased immensely.
18 What is the Difficulty?

Srila Prabhupada’s personalizing my name was so relishable.

Another night, during our stay in Dallas, Srila Prabhupa-
da stayed up until 11:30 at night enlivening a few of us with
philosophical discussions. I felt tired, but was unable to pull
myself away from such nectarine talks.

Srila Prabhupada, by the time we left Dallas you

didn’t call me ‘Sruto’ again. It didn’t matter what name
you called me, my great fortune was that you were
calling me to your room. In 1975 at Krishna Balaram
Mandir, Tamal Krishna Maharaj told me one day we
would all be in the Spiritual world and you would ring
your bell and ask, “Where is Srutakirti?” I am longing
for that day.

2 12 2
“… so I take a nap after lunch”
September 12, 1972 ISKCON Dallas, Texas

On different occasions, Srila Prabhupada spoke about

sleep. When I first became his servant, he called me into his
room after he had taken a short nap following lunch. This
was at the Dallas temple when Srila Prabhupada visited the
gurukula facility. He asked me if I had taken rest after eating
my lunch. I said no. This was not something that was done at
that time.
“I am an old man,” he said. “I cannot sleep very long at one
time, so I take a nap after lunch.”
I had been with Srila Prabhupada only a few days, but his
humility had already captured my heart. On another occasion,
when he was getting ready to take rest in the evening, he said
to me, “Whenever I go to take rest, I think; ‘now I am going to
Twice Around the World 19

waste my time.’”
Srila Prabhupada never wasted his time. I was only 20 years
old when I was his servant, but I had a difficult time keeping
up with him as he travelled around the world enlivening his
disciples. He was 75 years old Srila Prabhupada then. Some-
times on his morning walks, his disciples would look at each
other, shake their heads and wonder when he was going to go
back to the temple because they were getting tired of walking.

2 13 2
“Everyone is servant, but our pride is that we are
servants of Krishna.”
September 19, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California
Srila Prabhupada’s Garden

One evening, while seated in his garden, Srila Prabhupada

sat with his back very straight and his eyes widened.
“Govindam adi purusam tam aham bhajami,” he chanted.
“This is our pride. We are servants to the most regal person,
Krishna. Everyone is a servant, but our pride is that we are
servants to Krishna. Govindam adi purusam tam aham bhaja-
mi.”

We sat at your feet with our eyes fixed on you, waiting

for more words of nectar. You looked at your young
American disciples, sitting before you, and smiled.
Then with a laugh you stated, “He may or not be God.
It doesn’t ‘matter. We love Krishna anyway.”
They were wonderful words and we loved to hear
them. You could make the most profound statements so
simple and relishable. That is the value of a moments
20 What is the Difficulty?

association with you. If one is fortunate enough to

understand these few words, they can become pure
devotees of the Supreme Lord Krishna.
Srila Prabhupada, our pride is that we are followers
of the dearest servant of Krishna. Who could ask for
anything more?

2 14 2
“Tell them to be quiet!”
September 24, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Srila Prabhupada took great pleasure in hearing his disci-

ples chant the Maha- “Mantra,” but sometimes he wanted them
to do it elsewhere. The former temple room in New Dvaraka,
which now houses the museum, was beneath Srila Prabhupa-
da’s quarters. One afternoon, a male devotee was chanting japa
very loudly in the temple room. Srila Prabhupada was rest-
ing and so were Sri Sri Rukmini Dvarakadisa. Srila Prabhupada
didn’t even ring his bell to call me. He opened the door of his
room and shouted down the stairway, “Tell that devotee that
the Deities are taking rest and that he should be quiet. Tell
them to be quiet.”
Srila Prabhupada was very humble. His primary concern
was the welfare of the deities and teaching his disciples that
Krishna is non-different from His deity form. He could have
said that he was resting and didn’t want to be disturbed, but
that was not the way he saw it.
Twice Around the World 21

2 15 2
“I have given you sandesa, rasgulla and sweet
balls.”
September 27, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

The following is an excerpt from a letter I wrote to Kir-

tanananda Maharaja three weeks after leaving New Vrndavana
and becoming Srila Prabhupada’s personal servant:
“I am beginning to understand that anything in connection
with Srila Prabhupada is truly nectarean. It is his causeless
mercy that I have finally found a preaching engagement I am
really attached to -- that is, telling other devotees about the
glorious activities of our beloved spiritual master. Every word
spoken and every step taken by him is a source of pleasure
for thousands of disciples around the world. It is Prabhupada
alone who can turn wretched lives into something worthwhile.
He accepts the most insignificant service as a great deal.
While engaged in talking about New Vrndavana during Pra-
bhupada’s massage yesterday I mentioned how we had been
doing arati to the cows. At that point, Prabhupada frowned. I
asked if that was okay to do and he said, ‘No.’ I asked if there
was anything special to do for the cows. He said, ‘Keep them
clean, brush them nicely, bathe them, and also you can polish
their horns and hooves.’
Prabhupada also received your sandesa yesterday. I put two
on his plate last night at his request, along with pineapple and
hot milk. He bit into one and said, ‘Kirtanananda Maharaja
made first-class sandesa.’ He then said how sandesa and ras-
agulla are called ‘Bengali sweets’ and how they are ‘standard.’
He has been criticizing L.A.’s making of concocted sweets --
sweets with puffed rice, carob, powdered milk, food colour-
ing, and peanut butter-- in different combinations that he did
not care for. He said, ‘I have given you sandesa, rasagulla, and
22 What is the Difficulty?

sweet balls. These are standard sweets and are very good. Why
do they go to these different things?’
Consequently, last night I made cheese and turned it into
sandesa this morning. I gave him one of the sandesa you had
made and one I had made with his lunch. He ate both. When
he was finished, I asked him how the sandesa was. His face lit
up and he said, ‘Did you make them?’ I told him what I had
done and he said they were very good. I am really happy be-
cause sandesa is one of his favourite sweets.”

Srila Prabhupada, absolute truth never changes.

Twenty-five years have passed since I wrote this letter
to Kirtanananda Maharaja. By your causeless mercy, I
have rediscovered “a preaching engagement I am really
attached to.” I pray that I never again let so many
empty years pass by without attempting to glorify my
magnificent spiritual master. Please give me one more
opportunity to prepare sandesa for your lunch. In this
way, I can relish how you kindly encourage me by
opening your eyes wide and exclaiming, “This is very
good.”

2 16 2
“The devotees give their services to all for free ...”
October 2, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

One day in Srila Prabhupada’s room in Los Angeles, a psy-

chiatrist criticized the devotees because he felt they forced
the public to accept their services. Srila Prabhupada quickly
pointed out that this made the devotees better than him. Srila
Prabhupada said that the devotees give their services to all for
free by going to them, but the psychiatrist makes the people
Twice Around the World 23

come to him and then charges them. The psychiatrist fell si-
lent.
The psychiatrist could understand that Srila Prabhupada
wasn’t interested in taking anything from anyone. His only de-
sire was to give Krishna to everyone he met. He gave others
the opportunity to engage in devotional service, the highest
welfare work. He is our Ever Well Wisher.

2 17 2
“Wherever there is Tulasi, it is Vrndavana”
October 3, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

While in New Dvaraka, Srila Prabhupada would go into

his garden every evening around sunset. He often stayed for
two or three hours. Sometimes I was alone with His Divine
Grace and sometimes other devotees and guests joined him as
well. Although we were in the midst of smog-filled, Los Ange-
les, Srila Prabhupada’s garden seemed to be part of the spiritual
world.
He often commented how much he liked this garden, where
more than 30 Tulasi plants flourished. Although he had trav-
elled around the world several times, he spoke of this garden
as his favourite place.
“Wherever there is Tulasi,” Srila Prabhupada said, “it is Vrn-
davana.”
Wherever Srila Prabhupada travelled was Vrndavana. Krish-
na and Vrndavana resided in his heart. He didn’t require any-
thing else. He lived very simply. In his room in every city, his
sitting place was on a cushion on the floor. There was always
a small desk in front of him. From this spot, he managed the
worldwide society ISKCON, and from the same spot, very ear-
ly in the morning, he would translate his books. Sometimes he
24 What is the Difficulty?

would say we should live by the principle ‘simple living and

high thinking’. He showed by example how to do it. He is our
acarya.

2 18 2
“The sky is the colour of Krishna.”
October 4, 1972 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Srila Prabhupada’s garden

One evening, while in his garden, Srila Prabhupada looked
at the sky and said; “So, is the sky the colour of Krishna?”
“In Krishna Book it says that Krishna is dark bluish like the
thundercloud,” a disciple answered.
“The sky is the colour of Krishna,” Srila Prabhupada ex-
plained. “It is the light from Krishna’s bodily effulgence that
makes the sky blue.”
Srila Prabhupada gave us the simplest ways to always re-
member Krishna. One must look at the sky every day. By his
mercy, we can look at the sky and immediately remember
Krishna.

2 19 2
“This is the common etiquette”
October 6, 1972 ISKCON Berkeley

Srila Prabhupada stayed in Berkeley for a few days at the cot-

tage of some well- wishers. His disciples showed him around
the house.
“Is there any prasadam?” Srila Prabhupada asked, after be-
Twice Around the World 25

ing seated.
There was nothing available.
“So, bring some fruit,” he instructed. “Bring something for
washing my feet. Bring a towel and some water. This is com-
mon etiquette. You should wash a person’s feet when they ar-
rive.”
Srila Prabhupada didn’t need anything from us, but he mer-
cifully showed us the proper way to honour a guest, what to
speak of the spiritual master.
The devotees quickly prepared the items.
“Wash up to my knees,” Srila Prabhupada told his disciple
who was washing his feet. “This kind of foot bath refreshes
one’s whole body after travelling.”
One very hot day in Vrndavana, Srila Prabhupada again men-
tioned this fact after returning to his quarters from an engage-
ment. He immediately went into the bathroom and washed his
feet and legs with cool water.
“After going out, doing this, the whole body becomes reju-
venated,” he said.
He taught us the ancient standard of Vedic etiquette com-
plete with practical application. He enlivened us with this
knowledge. Jai Srila Prabhupada!

2 20 2
“What can you say to a person in three minutes?”
October 7, 1972 ISKCON Berkeley

Srila Prabhupada said that our real preaching was distrib-

uting books.
“What can you say to a person in three minutes?” he asked.
“But if he reads one page of a book it may turn him around.
26 What is the Difficulty?

However you have to do it, that is okay. But, if you get the
person angry and he doesn’t take a book, then that is your
foolishness.”
Purity is the force. Srila Prabhupada is the pure devotee and
we are his humble servants. It is our good fortune to be able to
distribute his words in book form.
“My Guru Maharaja daily printed a small paper,” Srila Prab-
hupada said. “The paper cost a few cents and whenever a brah-
macari came back from the streets and said he had sold one,
Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati became very happy and said,
‘Oh, that is very nice what you have done. You are a very good
boy.’”
Purity is the force. Srila Prabhupada is the pure devotee and
we are his humble servants. It is our good fortune to be able
to distribute his words in book form. He said, “They are not
my words, they are Krishna’s words. Just by reading even one
sentence, it is possible to become Krishna Conscious. “Srila
Prabhupada lives forever in his books.

2 21 2
“Adult’s Fairyland”
October 7, 1972 Oakland, California

This morning, while walking in Merit Park in downtown

Oakland, we passed a small zoo with a large sign in front of it
that read, “Children’s Fairyland.”
“Children’s Fairyland,” Srila Prabhupada read.
Pointing at the skyline to the skyscrapers in the distance he
added, “Adult’s fairyland.” He continued walking as his young
disciples looked at each other and smiled.
It was what we lived for on a morning walk with Srila Prab-
Twice Around the World 27

hupada. The words of a transcendentalist. Someone who could

cut through our illusion and explain things in simple, concise
terms. He didn’t say anything more about it and he didn’t need
to. In 30 seconds, he exposed the folly of modern civilization.

2 22 2
“Oh, this is nice”
October 7, 1972 Berkeley, California
One evening, Srila Prabhupada spoke at the University of
California in Berkeley, the heart of the hippie capital. The San
Francisco devotees enthusiastically received him and relished
his lecture. They prepared barrels of popcorn and distributed
it following Srila Prabhupada’s lecture.
“What is that?” His Divine Grace asked.
“Popcorn, Srila Prabhupada,” Jayananda explained. “Would
you like some?”
“Yes, give me some,” Srila Prabhupada said.
The devotees gave him popcorn, which was being distrib-
uted, in little bags printed with the Hare Krishna mantra. Srila
Prabhupada ate the fluffy, spiced kernels with great relish.
“Oh, this is nice,” Srila Prabhupada told them.
All the devotees, especially those who had cooked and
distributed the prasadam, felt so much pleasure. Now they
were certain their offering had been accepted and their lives
were successful. When Srila Prabhupada finished eating the
popcorn, he endeared himself to all the Vaisnavas present by
contentedly leaving his hand in the little popcorn bag. It was
sweet. The entire devotees’ attention focused on every move-
ment of Srila Prabhupada. The childlike actions of His Divine
Grace continued to fill the hearts of the devotees with enthu-
siasm.
28 What is the Difficulty?

Overjoyed, the devotees then performed Hare Nama Sankir-

tan on Telegraph Avenue, a place famous for its hippie inhabit-
ants. On the way home, Srila Prabhupada continued to excite
the devotees by slowly driving past the sankirtan party. They
energetically chanted and danced being encouraged by Srila
Prabhupada’s present supervision.
The next night Srila Prabhupada had another preaching en-
gagement. This time, the devotees brought Srila Prabhupada
popcorn and offered it to him.
“No, I am old,” Srila Prabhupada said. “I cannot do things
like that very often. It is good, but it is very difficult for me to
digest.” He refused saying, “It is very good. I like it.”
They were endearing words to his young disciples. We knew
that Srila Prabhupada could do whatever he wanted and we
never considered him old. As we drove back in the car, he ex-
plained to me that if he ate something in the evening that was
difficult to digest, it would interfere with his rising at 2 a.m. to
do his translating work.

Srila Prabhupada’s activities focused on his service

and there was an abundance of it. Translating books,
initiating and training disciples and opening centres.
He kept his bodily maintenance of eating and sleeping
to a minimum. Just what was needed to maintain health
and perform his devotional service, and he wanted us to
do the same, while using our common sense.
Jai Srila Prabhupada!
Twice Around the World 29

2 23 2
“They are not chips!”
October 7, 1972 ISKCON San Francisco

I had been Srila Prabhupada’s personal servant for one

month. I was beginning to feel comfortable and knowledge-
able in my duties. Little did I know that this qualified me for a
major setback.
One evening Srila Prabhupada asked me to prepare puris,
potato chips and hot milk. We were not staying at the temple,
but at the cottage of a young couple who were friends of the
devotees. Before Srila Prabhupada’s arrival, the devotees had
spent hours cleaning the cottage.
The kitchen facility was poor. Fortunately, there was ghee
on the stove, so a meal could be prepared. Srila Prabhupada
had asked for “potato chips.” I was anxious to prepare them,
but had no experience. Making the puris was easy enough, but
took time to prepare. It was getting late and I didn’t want Srila
Prabhupada to have to wait any longer. I peeled some potatoes,
sliced them as thin as possible with a potato peeler, and fried
them in very hot ghee. They came out resembling potato chips,
but not exactly like any chips I had ever seen.
I felt very fortunate to serve the living representative of
Krishna. Srila Prabhupada was my living deity and he merci-
fully reciprocated with me. I rushed to His Divine Grace with a
dish of potato chips, one hot puri and a cup of hot milk.
“What are these?” Srila Prabhupada firmly inquired point-
ing to the chips. “Potato chips, Srila Prabhupada,” I answered,
a bit bewildered.
“They are not chips!” he thundered. “This is not what I
wanted.”
Seeing my pain he said, “Anyway . . . go on. Leave it.”I felt
terrible. This was the first time I had failed in my service to my
30 What is the Difficulty?

Guru Maharaja. I felt like dying. The offering had been unac-
ceptable. I went back to the kitchen and cooked the next puri.
Returning to Srila Prabhupada’s quarters, I placed the puri on
his plate and offered my obeisances. When I sat up, he looked
at me with a big smile.
“These are very good,” Srila Prabhupada assured me. “It is
all right. They are very nice.”
I breathed a sigh of relief and replied, “Oh, good! Thank
you, Srila Prabhupada.” I was in bliss. I didn’t know whether
he really liked them or he just said it to make me feel better.
Either way it was wonderful. It felt terrific to have someone
care about me so much. I brought him another puri and waited
for him to finish. Picking up his plates, I was thrilled to see he
had eaten all of the so-called “potato chips.” Srila Prabhupada
mercifully accepted my bumbling efforts.
Months later, while in India, I realized that “chips” are the
British equivalent to American “french fries.” Being inexperi-
enced, I had misunderstood. I knew then that Srila Prabhupada
had wanted french fries. I again made him chips, but accord-
ing to his instructions, “thin and cripsy.” Note the spelling
discrepancy. It is not an error. Srila Prabhupada often used
endearing words. I preferred his use of the word “cripsy” for
“crispy.” It sounded crunchier.

Srila Prabhupada, how you responded to my ‘chips’

was another example of your kindness towards me.
I know that I was so young and foolish when I was
serving you. I was 21 years old and didn’t know how
to do anything. There were thousands of others similar
to me. You dealt with all of us in such a caring, patient
manner. It wasn’t difficult to become attached to you. It
was difficult not to. Thank you for always showing us
how a devotee acts. Once, a devotee entered your room
and began to shut the door. He asked you if he should
Twice Around the World 31

close it. You said, “You can leave it open. We have no

secrets.” Please help me live my life with an open door.

2 24 2
“That Requires a Little Intelligence”
October 12, 1972 Manila, Philippines

We arrived in Manila, Philippines on October 11, 1972.

I had been Srila Prabhupada’s servant for a month now. It was
the first time I had ever been outside of the United States. I
didn’t have to arrange for my Passport, Visa or airline ticket.
It was all done by Srila Prabhupada’s secretary, Syamasunda-
ra. My service was to take care of His Divine Grace’s personal
needs 24 hours a day. I still couldn’t believe my great fortune.
While I was his personal servant, it didn’t matter what country
I was in. I travelled around the world with him 5 times in two
years and went to so many countries, visiting big cities and
small. The only places I saw were the airport, the temple facili-
ties and wherever Srila Prabhupada went for his morning walk.
To this day, I still haven’t seen the Taj Mahal. Srila Prabhupada
had a ‘mission’ in every sense of the word. He never deviated
from it.
Just before lunch on the 12th, I was massaging Srila Prab-
hupada in his hotel room. Bhurijana prabhu was present for
the massage. While I was rubbing the mustard oil on his back,
Srila Prabhupada said, “My God-brothers criticize me, that I
have allowed women to live in our temples. This is not done
in India. Only brahmacaris can live. But I have become suc-
cessful because I have made this adjustment. Although they
criticize me, their Gaudiya Mathas are empty. The only time
they have people coming is during Gaura Purnima to Mayapur
for parikrama. And who is coming for parikrama? Widows.
32 What is the Difficulty?

Women in white. Because I have made this adjustment I was

successful.”
He then became quiet. I began to think about the amazing
‘adjustment’ he had made. He then nodded, which meant I was
finished massaging his back and should move to the side to
start on his arms and chest. Seated next to him, I continued to
think of what he had said. The room was quiet. I rarely asked
him a question. So many devotees asked questions. When oth-
ers were around, he was always busy preaching, solving prob-
lems and helping his disciples in so many ways. I considered
it a part of my service to allow Srila Prabhupada some peace
and quiet, but in one paragraph, he had given his formula for
spreading Krishna Consciousness in the west. Something no
one else was able to do. I tried to formulate a question and re-
peated it to myself several times. This was not unusual for me.
I have a tendency to think about what I am going to say and
this time I wanted to ask it just right. Finally, convinced it was
a worthwhile question I said, “Prabhupada, how can we tell
the difference between making an adjustment and changing a
principle?” Srila Prabhupada closed his eyes and I continued to
rub his body. Finally, he opened his eyes and responded. “That
requires a little intelligence.” He did not say anything more on
the topic during the massage.

Srila Prabhupada, I consider your words on that

day an understatement. It again shows your level
of humility. No one but you could have made such a
radical decision. To this day Sadhus in India will not
travel outside its borders considering it to dangerous for
their spiritual life. You were “Abhaya Carana”, fearless.
You were unafraid of the decadence of the west. You
didn’t care for the criticism of your God-brothers. Your
only concern was to fulfill the desires of the previous
Acaryas, deliver the fallen souls throughout the world,
Twice Around the World 33

and bring them to their home in Mayapur Dhama, at

the lotus feet of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Lord
Nityananda.

2 25 2
“Now tomorrow you must serve her”
October 16, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana, India

At this time, I had been cooking for Srila Prabhupada and

daily massaging his transcendental body for five weeks. I never
understood why I was given this great fortune, but one day
something new occurred to change my service to His Divine
Grace. Yamuna Devi was in Srila Prabhupada’s kitchen prepar-
ing his lunch. This had been one of my main services. After
all, His Divine Grace taught me for two days in Dallas how to
use the cooker!
That day, after massaging Srila Prabhupada, I bathed and
dressed. Since I didn’t have to prepare his lunch, I didn’t know
what to do with myself, so I walked around the temple com-
pound. I had never been there before and felt a little lost both
in my service, and in India. It was very different being in Vrn-
davana. I tried to appreciate my good fortune being in Krish-
na’s home, and with His pure devotee.
Finally, I made my way to Srila Prabhupada’s kitchen.
Upon entering, I offered my obeisances. I never considered how
offensive I was to take such liberties. Srila Prabhupada was sit-
ting there taking prasadam. He was in the very spot where he
had spent years devising his plan to conquer the world with
Krishna consciousness. He looked up with a beautiful glance
and asked,
“So, you have taken prasadam?”
“No,” I replied. “I have just taken bath.”
34 What is the Difficulty?

“Oh, so you haven’t taken prasadam,” Srila Prabhupada re-

sponded charmingly. “Yamuna, fix him a plate of prasadam.”
“No, that’s all right,” I said. “I will wait until you are fin-
ished.”
“No. Sit down and take prasadam,” he told me.
I happily complied with his instruction, rascal that I was. It
was one of the sweetest moments of my life. I was taking pras-
adam with Srila Prabhupada. Just the two of us. In Vrndavana.
At Radha Damodara Temple. The mercy of the pure devotee is
unlimited.
I wasn’t prepared for what followed. After tasting Yamuna
Devi’s cooking, I realized I had never before tasted prasadam.
In addition, I realized I had never cooked anything fit to be of-
fered. Yamuna Devi was an empowered devotee of the Lord,
sent here to sumptuously feed Srila Prabhupada. Each prepa-
ration tasted incredible. She made perfect chapatis. The subjis
tasted as if they came from the spiritual world. Seated with
Srila Prabhupada I realized what a disservice I had performed
by cooking for him. He sometimes said I cooked “nice Ameri-
can prasadam.” Now I understood what he meant. Yamuna’s
cooking was so transcendental that it seemed like I had never
eaten before.
“So, you like?” Srila Prabhupada asked as we were finish-
ing.
“Yes, Srila Prabhupada,” I enthusiastically said. “Very
much.”
He smiled and said, “So, today she has fixed your lunch.
Now, tomorrow you cook for her. This is the Vedic custom.
Today she has done some service for you, now tomorrow you
must serve her.”
“Oh, yes, Prabhupada,” I said.
At other times Srila Prabhupada said, “One has to always
be ready to serve a person, not simply you are always accept-
ing service. You call someone ‘prabhu’. Prabhu means master.
Twice Around the World 35

What is the question of you accepting service from your mas-

ter? You are servant and you are calling them prabhu and ac-
cepting so much service from your master. Therefore, I am
calling you ‘prabhu’. It means I must render service. This at-
titude must be there, that I am everyone’s servant because I am
calling everyone ‘prabhu’.”
I never did cook for Yamuna Devi. That would not have
been of service. It would have been an austerity for her to have
to eat my “American prasadam.” Mataji, please forgive me for
accepting service from you.

Srila Prabhupada, please forgive me for not following

your instructions. I pray to be given the ability to serve
my spiritual master with the expertise of a surrendered
soul, such as Yamuna Devi dasi.

2 26 2
“Get Someone up here with some Intelligence”
October 16, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana, India

During the month of Kartika, Srila Prabhupada gave

classes on the Nectar of Devotion every evening in the court-
yard near the Bhajana Kutir of Srila Rupa Gosvami. Before
arriving,Srila Prabhupada spoke many times about doing this,
and was very excited. He said that, for the benefit of his disci-
ples, all the classes would be in English, not in Hindi. On the
plane to Delhi, he told me, “You can read from the Nectar of
Devotion and then I will give purports.” I was very happy to
be given such an opportunity.
The first evening, Pradyumna took the service of reading
from the Nectar of Devotion. That was all right with me. I had
to record the lecture and take care of Srila Prabhupada’s per-
36 What is the Difficulty?

sonal needs such as fanning him when required. The courtyard

was filled with his disciples as well as many Brijbasis. Most of
them didn’t understand English, but that didn’t matter. They
were happy to have the association of a saintly person.
It was still light out during class. Parrots were busy getting
back to their branches for the night. The monkeys were creat-
ing havoc, as usual. The atmosphere was transcendental, ex-
cept for the flies. They were buzzing around Srila Prabhupada
while he was speaking. It was a great opportunity for me to
render service. I picked up the camara fan and stood by my
guru. I twirled the fan just like a pujari performing arati be-
fore the Deities. I felt so proud being able to perform such a
service in front of my god-brothers. Up and down I waved the
fan hardly noticing that the flies were still bothering Srila Pra-
bhupada. At one point, he lifted his arm and waved it across
his face to chase the flies away. I was so absorbed in feelings of
grandeur that it never occurred to me that I wasn’t rendering
any service. I never came close to solving the problem.
Finally, the cow dung hit the fan. My spiritual master glared
at me and shouted, “Get someone up here with some intelli-
gence.” I stood motionless for what felt like a year.
Immediately a young brahmacari named Kunjabihari took
the fan from my sweaty hand and stood next to Srila Prabhu-
pada. He began to fan Srila Prabhupada with great vigour.
I began fiddling with the tape recorder. My mind was reel-
ing along with the reel to reel. On some level, I finally realized
what it meant to be 1/10,000 part the tip of a hair. I watched
Kunjabihari with amazement. It seemed like he could put out
a forest fire with the intensity of his fanning. No fly was fool-
ish enough to hang around as long as he was in town. Seconds
later, all the flies were gone. Srila Prabhupada never stopped
speaking to his disciples throughout this ordeal. Just as I was
starting to breathe again, Srila Prabhupada looked at Kunjabi-
hari with a smile and nodded approvingly of his disciple’s de-
Twice Around the World 37

votional service.
All I remember was getting up at the end of the lecture and
walking alone toward Srila Prabhupada’s quarters. Before I
could get inside, a brahmacari came up to me and said, “Sru-
takirti, you are so fortunate to get chastised like that by Srila
Prabhupada.” I forced a strained smile and said, “Yes.”
This was the first time Srila Prabhupada publicly chastised
me. It was difficult to accept. He was so kind to have cut
down my false pride. He has blessed me with that repeatedly
over the years. He must do it because I still haven’t learned the
simple truth that I am “fool number one.” He keeps trying to
teach me that service is for his pleasure, not mine.

Srila Prabhupada, please give me another chance to

fan you. No! I am still proud. Please, bless me with
the desire to fan your disciple, Kunjabihari dasa. He
pleased you with his service. That is the way to make
advancement in Krishna Consciousness.

2 27 2
“Just see how intelligent this monkey is…”
October 17, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana, India

During this visit, Srila Prabhupada regularly spoke in his

sitting room. Local residents offered fruits and flowers by plac-
ing them at his lotus feet.
One evening in the middle of Srila Prabhupada’s lecture,
a monkey darted into the room and lunged for the bananas.
Vishaka dasi quickly threw her chaddar over the monkey and
tugged at the bananas as he ran past her. She managed to get
most of the bananas, but within a few seconds, the monkey
was gone with a prize banana in his hand.
38 What is the Difficulty?

“Just see how intelligent this monkey is,” Srila Prabhupada

said. “This shows that in their own respect all living entities
are intelligent. How long do you think it would have taken you
to do that, run in and out of here and get the bananas? This
monkey is so intelligent in regards to his eating. He can do it
in a few seconds. Practically no one even saw him. He just took
the bananas and ran out. This is what it is like in the material
world. Everyone is very expert in their own sphere. So, we have
to become expert devotees, not expert like the monkeys.”
The entire incident lasted about four seconds. Even though
Srila Prabhupada had been lecturing, he was aware of every-
thing going on around him. Srila Prabhupada was always aware
of activities around him. He was expert at doing more than one
thing at a time.

2 28 2
“Only Krishna can know everything”
ISKCON Mayapur, India April 8, 1975
On a morning walk in Mayapur, on, a devotee asked Srila
Prabhupada, “Does the spiritual master know everything?”
“The spiritual master knows everything that Krishna wants
him to know,” Srila Prabhupada said. “Only Krishna can know
everything.”
It seemed that Srila Prabhupada knew everything about me.
Occasionally, I tried to match wits with Srila Prabhupada only
to be quickly, utterly exposed and defeated. The following sto-
ry is an example.
In May of 1972, I was given second initiation by Srila Prab-
hupada at the Los Angeles temple. I had driven with Kirtanan-
anda Maharaja and a few other devotees from New Vrndavana
to Los Angeles in an enclosed van for four days. The ride was
Twice Around the World 39

hellish, but worth every minute.

The process of getting Brahmana initiation was blissful. I
went into Srila Prabhupada’s quarters and offered my obeisanc-
es. He held a new Brahmana thread in his hands and whispered
the Gayatri mantra in my ear. It happened very quickly. When
I left his room, I was given a sheet of paper with the mantra on
it. After staying for a few days, we took the long drive back to
New Vrndavana. The return trip, however, didn’t seem so bad.
Then, one morning about 3:00 a.m., I was bathing in a
muddy pond in New Vrndavana. The area was totally dark.
I was rushing because I had to prepare the Deities plates for
the mangala offering. While throwing a bucket of water over
my head, I must have washed my sacred thread off my body.
When I discovered it was gone, hours later, I was brought to
tears. The very thread that Srila Prabhupada had given me was
gone forever. It was a very bad omen and I feared my connec-
tion was lost.

October 18, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana,

India
One year later, I became Srila Prabhupada’s personal servant.
After his morning massage, I always laid fresh clothing on Srila
Prabhupada’s bed while he bathed. Then, I went into his sitting
room, opened his mirror and placed his ball of tilak beside it.
I then placed his small, water-filled lota next to these items.
After dressing, he sat at his desk, applied tilak and chanted the
Gayatri mantra.
It was also my service to place a new Brahmana thread on
his desk every month. I did it either on the day of the full
moon, or on an Ekadasi. Srila Prabhupada chanted on the new
thread while holding his old one. The loss of my Brahmana
initiation thread etched a fault across my heart. I was eager
to rectify it. This was my first month in Srila Prabhupada’s
40 What is the Difficulty?

personal service. Therefore, I was excited to obtain His Divine

Grace’s prasadam thread and resume my transcendental Brah-
mana connection.
After chanting Gayatri, he walked across the verandah to the
kitchen where Yamuna Devi was cooking. I walked into his sit-
ting room and picked up his discarded thread only to discover
that he had pulled apart each of the threads. I couldn’t believe
it. (In the two years that followed, he never did that again.) I
walked out of his room with the thread in my hand and sat on
the verandah. I tied a knot in each of the six threads, deter-
mined to make my connection again. It didn’t matter to me that
he had broken them. It was still HIS thread. While I content-
edly sat on the verandah, Srila Prabhupada walked by after fin-
ishing his lunch. I offered my obeisances and he smiled at me.
“The Brahmana thread, you have disposed of it?” he asked.
“Not yet, Srila Prabhupada,” I said.
“You should bury it underneath the Tulasi plant in the tem-
ple courtyard,” he instructed. ”Put it in the dirt under the
roots.”
All I could say was, “All right.”
I could not believe it. On other occasions, I experienced Srila
Prabhupada’s mystic power as well. If I wanted something, he
always made me ask for it. He seemed to enjoy exposing my de-
sires. I also enjoyed it very much. I could have told him about
losing my thread, but I was too ashamed. I did not like to ask
Srila Prabhupada for anything. I tried not to ask him questions
since so many others were inquiring on a regular basis. I tried
to think of what Srila Prabhupada wanted, not what I wanted.
However, sometimes my desire would overwhelm me.

Srila Prabhupada, please forgive me for not following

your instructions. I never did bury the thread as you
asked. Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for tolerating
me.
Twice Around the World 41

2 29 2
“…all he speaks will be perfect”
October 19, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana, India

It was about 5:30 in the morning and Srila Prabhupada

called me into his sitting room wanting to know why Sya-
masundara and Pradyumna were still sleeping.
“I don’t know,” I replied.
Srila Prabhupada told me to bring them to his room. When
we returned, he told us we must conquer over sleep.
“Rising early and taking a cold shower is not austerity, but
just common sense and good hygiene,” Srila Prabhupada said.
Then, revealing a wonderful truth, His Divine Grace told us,
“By chanting 16 rounds, following the regulative principles,
rising early, reducing one’s eating and sleeping, one gets spir-
itual energy. If one follows these guidelines for 12 years, all he
speaks will be perfect!”

You have given us the opportunity to become perfect.

You always showed great faith in us and unflinching
faith in the Holy Name and your Spiritual Master’s
orders. You treated us as Krishna’s devotees and it made
our desire to become a devotee stronger. You came from
the Spiritual world and walked among us to deliver the
message of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
42 What is the Difficulty?

2 30 2
“In the sky”
October 21, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana, India

Brahmacari: “Srila Prabhupada, it says in one of the

Krishna book stories that Krishna and Balarama jumped off a
mountain 88 miles high. Where is this mountain located?”
Srila Prabhupada: “In the sky.”

You answered in an instant. It was a sweet answer

that brought smiles to our faces. You always had the
right answer. Your disciples were eager to ask questions,
just to have the chance to share an intimate moment
and you were happy to satisfy their desires.

2 31 2
“I’m always moving”
October 21, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana, India

Brahmacari: “Srila Prabhupada, I always want to sit by

your holy lotus feet!”
Srila Prabhupada: “That will be very difficult because I am
always moving.”

Srila Prabhupada, one of the qualities I relished most

about you was your sense of humour. I was happy to
know that one could be a devotee of Krishna and also
be funny. Once a devotee asked if it was true Mahatma
Gandhi chanted the Holy name of “Rama” when he was
shot. You looked at him with a straight face and replied,
“I don’t know. I wasn’t there.” I didn’t always know
Twice Around the World 43

how you would respond to your disciples’ questions but

I always enjoyed your wit.

2 32 2
“You should take sannyasa”
October 22, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana, India

While Srila Prabhupada stayed in Vrndavana for the month

of Kartika in 1972, there were many transcendental events. His
return to Vrndavana was glorious. He left his home at Radha
Damodara temple in 1965 and now he was back with dozens
of his initiated disciples from Europe and America. Everyone
in Vrndavana could see that Srila Prabhupada was successful in
preaching Krishna Consciousness in the west.
In the evening, he would give class from his Nectar of Devo-
tion, in the courtyard by the Samadhi of Srila Rupa Gosvami.
This is the same auspicious place that, years before, Srila Prab-
hupada viewed from his kitchen window, praying to Srila Rupa
Gosvami as he did his translating. Now, devotees from all over
the world were coming to this place to learn the science of
Krishna Consciousness, the very centre of the spiritual world.
There were about 100 devotees attending the classes morn-
ing and evening. They were staying at different ashrams near
Radha Damodara temple. In 1972, there was no ISKCON facil-
ity. Living in Vrndavana at this time was not so easy for West-
erners. For many it was their first trip to India and they were
not used to the climate, food and facilities. During the day, the
devotees would try to take care of their bodily necessities. Ill-
nesses like malaria, jaundice and dysentery were common.
It was quiet during the day at Radha Damodara temple and it
was unusual to see any of Srila Prabhupada’s disciples around
this sacred place. One morning however, there was one young
44 What is the Difficulty?

brahmacari that was walking in the temple area, chanting his

rounds. Srila Prabhupada could see him from his sitting place
and rang his bell. I went into his room and he told me to bring
the boy in to see him.
We entered the room together and offered obeisances to
Srila Prabhupada. He asked the 18 year old what his service
was. He told Srila Prabhupada that he and Parivrajakacarya,
had been travelling around India by themselves, doing some
preaching. Srila Prabhupada then asked him what his plans
were after leaving Vrndavana. He said they planned on going
to Vietnam to preach there and distribute books. Srila Prabhu-
pada’s eyes became wide and he exclaimed, “Accha!” In 1972,
Vietnam was still in the midst of a great war and was a very
dangerous place. Srila Prabhupada was impressed with their
desire to preach the glories of Lord Caitanya in this war torn
country.
He looked at Paramahamsa very seriously and said, “Per-
haps you should take sannyasa”. Paramahamsa was visibly sur-
prised by Srila Prabhupada’s offer. Srila Prabhupada saw this
and advised him by saying, “You go chant your japa by the
Samadhi of Srila Rupa Gosvami. Pray to him and then you will
know what to do.”
Paramahamsa described to me how he went before the Sa-
madhi and began chanting. The more he chanted the more he
thought, “yes, sannyasa. What a great idea!” He returned to
Srila Prabhupada the next day and told him they decided they
would take sannyasa. Srila Prabhupada told him to go to his
secretary, Syamasundara and inform him that they would be
added to the list of sannyasa candidates. He said Syamasundara
should take them to Loi Bazaar to get new cloth and bamboo
to make their dandas.
When Paramahamsa informed Syamasundara of Srila Pra-
bhupada’s decision he laughed, and told him that he hadn’t
heard anything about it from Srila Prabhupada, and he wasn’t
Twice Around the World 45

about to take his word for it. Paramahamsa had to convince

him to ask Srila Prabhupada so that he would help him get
ready.
When other devotees found out about it, some of them
couldn’t believe that these two young brahmacaris, who
weren’t very well known or experienced, were getting to take
sannyasa. They tried to convince Srila Prabhupada that they
weren’t qualified. They said the boys hadn’t been around long
enough, didn’t know the philosophy very well and hadn’t even
memorized any Sanskrit slokas. It didn’t matter what anyone
said. Srila Prabhupada had made up his mind.
The initiation ceremony took place on the full moon night
of Rasa yatra, the night that Lord Krishna dances with the
gopis. It was in the courtyard of Radha Damodara temple, by
the Samadhi of Srila Rupa Gosvami. Srila Prabhupada was al-
lowing everyone in Vrndavana see how his western disciples
were surrendering everything to serve their Spiritual Master
and Krishna. It was a transcendental ceremony and Srila Pra-
bhupada told us both Srila Rupa Gosvami and Narada Muni
were personally present at the fire sacrifice.
Srila Prabhupada, this is the first memory I have written in
almost ten years. Please continue to give me your causeless
mercy so I can attempt to do some service. Telling this story at
this time gives me a small glimpse of your unlimited compas-
sion for all of us and gives me faith that it can extend even to
someone as unworthy as me.
During Kartika in 1972 sitting in your room you stated, “So,
I came here, and eventually, by Krishna’s arrangement, stayed
at this most sanctified place, Radha Damodara. It was here that
I began writing. I thought, it may be published, or it may not
be published—that does not matter. I will write for purifica-
tion, that’s all.”

“Actually, it was my Guru Maharaja speaking through me.

46 What is the Difficulty?

But I was not very expert at writing, as he was. Oh, he was

a most erudite man, most refined and expert, a gentleman, a
Vaikuntha man. Because I had never written before, there were
so many grammatical discrepancies, yet I had to write. The
subject matter was so important, so urgent. So I wrote those
first three volumes of Srimad Bhagavatam, the First Canto. All
of our philosophy, everything you need to know, is in those
first three volumes. By Krishna’s grace, I managed to collect
money to get them printed, and I took them with me on the
boat to New York.
I didn’t go to America empty-handed. I went with the com-
plete philosophy of Caitanya Mahaprabhu, written in these
rooms, inspired by the Gosvami. That’s what is pushing this
Krishna consciousness movement. If I have been successful, it’s
because I have delivered my Guru Maharaja’s message intact,
without change or deletion. That is Parampara. The bona fide
guru is like the postman delivering a message. He doesn’t open
the mail and write his own opinion. You may like the message
or not, take it up or not—I have done my duty. I have deliv-
ered it. And it all began here. Therefore these Radha Damodara
rooms are the hub of the wheel of the spiritual universe.”
Excerpt from Vrndavana Days by Hayagriva das.

In this year 2005, I can see your mercy more

and more. Your movement continues to spread as
thousands more take shelter of you each year. In a
Dallas lecture you said, “So keep this standard as you
are now keeping, then things will go automatically,
and one day people will understand in the history that
this movement was for saving the human society. That
day will come.”
By keeping to the standard you have given,
everything is possible. As you said, it is very easy.
Chant 16 rounds, follow the regulative principles, and
Twice Around the World 47

don’t give our own opinion. Just deliver the mail.

What is the difficulty?

2 33 2
“This is as good as bathing in the Yamuna”
October 25, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana, India

During a morning walk along the Yamuna River, Srila Pra-

bhupada asked one of us to get some water. Syamasundara pra-
bhu brought him a handful. Srila Prabhupada sprinkled a few
drops on his head and told us to do the same.
“This is as good as bathing in the Yamuna,” he said.
While we were at the palace at Keshi-ghata, Srila Prabhu-
pada warned the devotees not to dive into the Yamuna because
of the many large turtles in the water that could cause possible
injury. Srila Prabhupada is always looking out for our welfare
in every way.

2 34 2
“You have to chant and hear. That is all.”
November 7, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana, India

Devotee: “Srila Prabhupada, it’s very difficult to control

my mind when I chant. It wanders.”
Srila Prabhupada: “So what is the controlling of mind? You
have to chant and hear. That is all. You have to chant with
your tongue, and the sound you hear. What is the question
of mind?”
48 What is the Difficulty?

Many times your disciples went into your room to

ask you how to solve a problem. Mostly the problem
evaporated as they sat before you. Being in your room,
one could feel the transcendental atmosphere, and
looking into your eyes, they became peaceful. You cut
through our western mentality with the torchlight of
knowledge and mercifully allowed us a place at your
lotus feet.

2 35 2
“The Monkey has stolen my shoe.”
November 11, 1972 Radha Damodara Temple, Vrndavana,
India

During this time, Srila Prabhupada stayed in a room on

the second floor of the Radha Damodara Temple. I do not
remember why he didn’t stay in his usual two rooms on the
ground floor. His rooms on the second floor opened onto a
large, concrete deck, which formed the roof of his quarters on
the first floor. In Vrndavana, most of the buildings are made of
brick and concrete so the roof is usually a flat, smooth area of
concrete that can be used for many purposes.
On the second floor facility, Srila Prabhupada had a sitting
room and a separate bedroom. His entourage shared another
room. As Srila Prabhupada took his massage on the patio in
front of his sitting room, the sun glistened on his sparkling
golden skin smeared with mustard oil. After his massage, he
bathed in the same spot from a brass bucket filled with water
that was naturally warmed by the sun.
“Put the bucket of water on the roof,” he told me. “The sun
will heat it up.”
Using his lota and this single bucket of warmed water, he
Twice Around the World 49

took his bath, squatting on the patio in his gamcha. Srila Pra-
bhupada made a point of keeping the maintenance of his body
very simple. After taking his bath, he returned to his bedroom
and put on the fresh clothing I had laid out on his bed. On this
particular day, the weather was very hot, so Srila Prabhupada
only wore a dhoti and no kurta.
A few minutes after he went into his room to dress, I heard
him shouting. I was still outside on the patio cleaning up. As
soon as I heard him shout, I raced into the room. The front
door was ajar. I had no idea what was wrong and although I
ran in, out of habit, I offered my obeisances. Srila Prabhupada
was behind his desk. As I hurriedly sat up and looked toward
him, he hurled his ball of tilaka toward my head. It was the
size of a golf ball and he threw it with the vigour of a baseball
pitcher. It missed my head by inches. I was shocked and fright-
ened.
“What’s the matter?” I blurted out.
“That monkey has stolen my shoe,” he said, pointing in my
direction.
I turned around in time to see one of Vrndavana’s furry
pests run out of the room with Srila Prabhupada’s sandal in
his grasp.
Monkeys were prolific in this part of the Dhama and were
always looking for a bead bag, glasses, or some other valuable
item to steal. They used the items to barter for eatables. I was
relieved knowing that my Guru Maharaja was tossing the tilak
at the monkey rather than me. It was an unusual experience to
have a ball of tilak whiz by my head. Fortunately, my spiritual
master was an expert marksman. The monkey vaulted to the
roof of Srila Prabhupada’s sitting room and waited.
“This rascal, he has taken my slipper,” Srila Prabhupada
said. “Get some pera and come outside.”
I grabbed a few milk sweets from the glass jar above Srila
Prabhupada’s bookcase and followed my guru outside the door
50 What is the Difficulty?

for the upcoming confrontation. Srila Prabhupada brought his

cane. The monkey sat on the edge of the roof with the sandal
in his mouth and waited for negotiations to begin.
The roof was barely out of reach at about eight feet from the
ground where we stood. Srila Prabhupada began jumping up
and down, swinging his cane over his head to intimidate the
monkey. The monkey seemed to enjoy the attention. He wasn’t
threatened or concerned that Srila Prabhupada might get the
slipper. The furry fiend began waving the shoe, taunting us.
Srila Prabhupada continued jumping up and down with his
cane over his head. Swinging at his fuzzy foe, he said, “These
monkeys are such rascals.”
The monkey continued taunting us. Now he was making
faces at us. It was clear that he was skilled at holding valuable
items hostage and holding out for ransom. He was a crafty thief
that enjoyed his mischievous negotiations.
This was my first experience in such warfare and I have to
admit, I found it very exhilarating.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “Let me see if I can give him a
sweet and get the sandal.”
“Yes, see if that works,” Srila Prabhupada replied.
With my fearless leader beside me, I cautiously held a sweet
into the air hoping the monkey would give me the magical
slipper in exchange. True to the nature of a monkey, he tried
to cheat me. He attempted to snatch the sweet without relin-
quishing Prabhupada’s holy slipper. Again, I tried. I held up
the sweet and motioned for the shoe. The monkey started to
deliver the slipper with one hand and reach for the sweet with
the other. Convinced I was successful, I let down my guard.
In front of my beloved Guru, I was prematurely proud of my
anticipated success. I failed and gave up the sweet. Unfortu-
nately, the menacing monkey didn’t surrender the slipper. To
my chagrin, I managed to lose three sweets to the enemy with-
out getting close to retrieving the lotus slipper.
Twice Around the World 51

At this point, the monkey began chewing on the heel of the

slipper with gusto. He managed to tear some cloth from the
heel and put a number of teeth marks in it. Srila Prabhupada
was not amused with his aggressor’s demolition.
“Forget it,” he said. “He has ruined the shoe.”
His Divine Grace went back into his room and prepared for
lunch. I started to follow him into the room. I looked up and
saw the monkey drop the sandal at his furry feet and run away.
I guess he understood it was of no use to him if it was of no use
to us. I figured I might as well get the slipper, so I called for
Girisha, Hayagriva’s son, and asked him to go up the stairs to
the roof and get Srila Prabhupada’s slipper. Girisha was about
10 years old and eager to help.
I watched from below as Girisha headed for the slipper. Just
as he bent over to pick it up, a ruthless gang of monkeys came
from nowhere and attacked him. They scared the heck out of
him. One monkey started to swing at the young boy. Girisha
screamed, “Srutakirti! Srutakirti!” Startled, I looked about and
saw a bamboo stick. I threw it to him. As soon as he grabbed
the stick and started swinging it the monkeys hastily retreated.
Girisha grabbed the slipper and raced down the stairs with the
beasts hot on his heels. Girisha gallantly delivered the slipper.
I brought the slipper back to Srila Prabhupada because he
had worn these slippers for some time and seemed to be very
fond of them. He had others to choose from, but he favored
these. I showed him the torn slipper.
“Ah, it doesn’t look so bad,” Srila Prabhupada said. “Get
some glue and see if you can repair it.”
I took it back to my room and mended it to the best of my
ability. I hurried back to Srila Prabhupada’s room with the
saved slipper, offered my obeisances, and showed him my
handy work. With a smile on his face and a nod of his head he
said, “That’s all right. I can still use them.”
Two weeks later, we were in Hyderabad staying at the home
52 What is the Difficulty?

of Mr. Pithi, a very wealthy life member. One day Mr. Pithi
noticed Srila Prabhupada’s slippers. I explained to him what
happened.
“I would love to get Prabhupada another pair of sandals,”
he said.
I told him I thought it was a great idea. He sent his servant to
buy a pair of sandals. When the new sandals were presented to
Srila Prabhupada, he accepted them graciously, but later told
me, “I cannot wear these. They are made of leather.”
He continued to wear his damaged sandals for weeks until
we arrived at another temple. At that time, we bought some
sandals to Srila Prabhupada’s liking and he released the others.
His torn sandals now reside at the home of Kirtiraja prabhu in
Alachua. They are in a glass case and are held in high esteem
by their caretakers.

Srila Prabhupada, it is very difficult to describe the

immense pleasure I experienced that day as you swatted
your cane at the monkey. For a few minutes, we were
fighting a common foe, in the land of Krishna. I may
never again be able to take part in such transcendental
pastimes. I will never forget that one special day, when,
for a few minutes, you allowed me to participate in a
most joyful game in Vrndavana Dhama. I pray that my
memory of that day is never taken from me.
Twice Around the World 53

2 36 2
“If they become agitated, let the brahmacaris go to
the forest”
November 31, 1972 ISKCON Mumbai

One day, I received a letter from Kuladri and was happy to

hear the current news from the western world. I informed Srila
Prabhupada of the contents of the letter as none of the items
therein were known to Srila Prabhupada.
One item was especially interesting. It involved the separa-
tion of men and women in the New York temple. Srila Prab-
hupada received a letter involving this matter at the same time
as my letter arrived. When he heard that the women were only
allowed in the temple at certain times because of agitated brah-
macaris, he said the brahmacaris could go to the mountains
because it wasn’t possible to have such rules in our temples.
In a letter to Ekayani, Srila Prabhupada wrote, “I don’t know
why these inventions are going on. We already have our Vai-
snava standard. It is sufficient for all the big, big saints and
acaryas in our line. Why is it inadequate for my disciples so
they must manufacture something? That is not possible. Who
has introduced these things -- that women cannot chant japa
in the temple, they cannot perform arati and so many things? If
they become agitated, then let the brahmacaris go to the forest.
I have never introduced these things. If the brahmacaris can-
not remain in the presence of women in the temple, then they
may go to the forest and not remain in New York City. In New
York, there are so many women. How can they avoid seeing? A
best thing is to go to the forest and not see any women if they
become so easily agitated. But, then no one will see them and
how our preaching work will go on?”
54 What is the Difficulty?

2 37 2
“Perhaps I Have Jaundice Also.”
December 12, 1972 Ahmedabad, India

Here in Ahmedabad we were staying at a life member’s

house. Srila Prabhupada had been in India now for over two
months and I was getting my first taste of what it was like
to be sick in India. He would give lecture every evening at a
pandal. One evening, during Srila Prabhupada’s lecture I felt
very weak and feverish. I couldn’t keep my head up and I was
nodding. At the time I had no idea what was wrong with me.
I had never felt so ill. Srila Prabhupada stopped his lecture and
looked right at me. “Wake up!” he told me. “If you require
sleep, go and sleep.” That was all I needed. I tried hard to keep
my back straight and head up for the rest of the lecture. I made
it through without another incident.
I don’t remember ever feeling so sick. After the lecture I
went into Srila Prabhupada‘s room and said, “I don’t under-
stand what is wrong with me. I feel very ill. I never get sick. I
haven’t been sick in years.” Srila Prabhupada looked at me with
surprise. “Really, that is very wonderful,” he said. “To be sick
and in difficulty is the natural condition of life. You are very
fortunate. In the material world one is normally diseased.”
He mercifully told the lady of the house of my condition
and asked if she could help take care of me. She put me in bed
in the master bedroom and made me a bowl of tomato soup.
Srila Prabhupada came in to make sure I was okay. I felt better
knowing how much he cared about me. She then called in a ho-
meopathic doctor who gave me some small, round sugar pills
from his black medical bag. The next morning I felt stronger
and continued with my service.
Two weeks later we were in Bombay, staying at Kartikeya
Mahadevia’s flat. Just before the sun rose, we left in the Ambas-
Twice Around the World 55

sador car to where Srila Prabhupada often took his walk while
he stayed here. We were all walking along the waterfront as
the sun peeked over the horizon. Within a few minutes, Sya-
masundara prabhu looked into my eyes and started laughing
aloud. Before I could ask him what was so funny he said with
a smile,
“Boy, are your eyes yellow. You have jaundice.”
I didn’t know what it was, although I heard Srila Prabhu-
pada speak about it in lectures, when he used it as an analogy
for our material condition. He said when you have jaundice
the cure is to take sugar candy in water. It will taste bitter but
as you become healthy, it will taste sweet. Syamasundara ex-
plained all the symptoms to me.
Finally, the weakness I had been feeling for the past few
weeks made sense. Now diagnosed, I felt worse. I dragged
myself along for the rest of the walk. After returning to Kar-
tikeya’s flat, I walked into Srila Prabhupada’s room and offered
my obeisances. “Srila Prabhupada, I have jaundice,” I said with
alarm. He looked at me with surprise and said, “Oh, what are
the symptoms?”
“My urine is dark,” I explained. “I have no appetite and feel
very weak.”
“Hmm,” he said smiling. “Perhaps I have jaundice also.” He
had such a sense of humour, again reminding me of how being
sick is the normal condition in the material world and also let-
ting me know how the body feels when it becomes old.
Srila Prabhupada knew very well the symptoms of all disease;
after all he was a pharmacist for years. As far as I could tell, he
knew everything. I continued, “Tamala Krishna Maharaja and
the other devotees suggested that perhaps I shouldn’t cook for
you because jaundice is highly contagious. Even touching your
plates and preparing the food would be dangerous.”
“No. That’s all right,” he said with a smile. “Do you have the
strength to do your service?” I said I did. He then said, “You go
56 What is the Difficulty?

ahead and do your service. There is nothing to worry about.”

Due to Srila Prabhupada’s benediction, I continued my du-
ties, even going on the morning walk, massaging him and
cooking throughout my illness. It was sometimes difficult for
me to understand Srila Prabhupada’s humour. Looking back, I
understand that in the material world we all have ‘skin disease’
thinking we are this body. As long as that is our consciousness,
we are diseased. Now that I am in my fifties, I see that it is rare
to feel completely healthy, free from all pain and weaknesses.
When I visited Kartikeya Mahadevia’s flat in November in
2005 I was told more about the mercy of my Spiritual Mas-
ter. I was looking at Srila Prabhupada’s typewriter and talking
with his son, Kirtan. We were having such a nice time. Mean-
while Kartikeya’s wife, Gauri, was talking with my wife about
how endearing Srila Prabhupada was, how he would ask her
to make him puffed rice and hot milk in the evenings. Then
she said that Srila Prabhupada advised her not to give me more
than four chapatis at lunchtime because my digestion was not
good due to jaundice.

Srila Prabhupada, you have always taken such good

care of me and continue to do so. As time goes by, I
experience your mercy more each day. It comes directly
through you and your disciples. I am happy knowing
you will never forget this jaundiced servant.

See also no. 103 - November 11, 1973 ISKCON Delhi

Twice Around the World 57

2 38 2
“In India, still there is some culture”
December 18, 1972 Mahadevia Flat, Mumbai, India

Before Srila Prabhupada’s quarters were available in

Juhu, he stayed at the home of a life member named Kartikeya
Mahadevia. Mahadevia and his wife Gauri had two daughters
named Preeti and Radha and a son named Kirtan. At the time
Srila Prabhupada visited, Kirtan was 13 and Preeti around 16.
The facilities were first class, and Srila Prabhupada was very
comfortable. The Mahadevia family was very gracious and they
gave Srila Prabhupada the master bedroom. He was very com-
fortable there. A wonderful sea breeze blew in through the open
door of his balcony. We had the bedroom across the hall.
Every morning Syamasundara would borrow Kartikeya’s
Ambassador car and drive Srila Prabhupada and I to the wa-
terfront area for his morning walk. The pavement was wide
and not crowded. One day while walking, we passed a man
lying down at the edge of the side walk. This was, unfortu-
nately, a common sight on the streets of Bombay. On the way
back, we passed him for the second time. “See that man lying
there?” Srila Prabhupada asked. “He is dead.” Srila Prabhu-
pada continued walking without further comment. One hour
later, we passed him again as we walked back to the car. The
man hadn’t moved. Srila Prabhupada walked by without fur-
ther comment.
After completing one morning walk, we returned to the Am-
bassador car and no matter how hard he tried, Syamasundara
could not get the key to work in the ignition. He tried for sev-
eral minutes. “Srila Prabhupada, something is wrong with this
car,” he said. “This key isn’t working. I’ll go get a cab and I‘ll
be right back.”
He left Srila Prabhupada and I sitting in the back seat of the
58 What is the Difficulty?

car. We both sat there calmly chanting Japa. There were always
cabs around even at this time of the morning. Since coming to
India, I was getting used to situations not going as planned.
After a few minutes, two well-dressed Indian men opened both
front doors of the car and sat down in the front seat. I became
a bit concerned. Srila Prabhupada, smiling, appeared very calm
and began a conversation with them in Hindi. Suddenly, they
put their key in the ignition and the car immediately started.
Srila Prabhupada turned to me laughing and exclaimed, “We
are in their car!” They drove away. I finally realized that we
had been sitting in the wrong car. This is not so hard to imag-
ine. Thirty years later the Ambassadors still all look the same,
although they have since added a few colours. The gentlemen
insisted on taking Srila Prabhupada back to his flat. Srila Pra-
bhupada spoke to them during the entire ride.
“We are sorry,” Srila Prabhupada told them. “No problem,”
they said. “We’ll take you back to where you are staying.” They
drove us into town. When we arrived Srila Prabhupada said,
“Please come up and take some prasadam.”
“No, we have to go to work,” they replied. “We have busi-
ness meetings. Thank you very much, Swamiji.”
“This is the difference between India and America,” Srila
Prabhupada told me, after getting out of the car. “In America
they would have said, ‘Hey, what are you doing here. Get out
of my car.’ Possibly beat you. In India, still there is some cul-
ture. In India when they see a sadhu still they have some re-
spect. But in your country they kick you out. They say, ‘Get
out of my car.’”
It is interesting to note that even in this situation Srila Prab-
hupada tried to get them to take prasadam. This is something
I saw on countless occasions. Srila Prabhupada wanted to see
that everyone he came in contact with received prasadam.
In November of 2005, my wife and I returned to Mr. Ma-
hadevia’s flat, since it is a place of pilgrimage. I was also eager
Twice Around the World 59

to meet his family again and see if they might remember me.
Kartikeya had passed away a few years ago and his daughters
were married and with their families. However, I was in for a
very pleasant surprise. Again, they were very gracious and set
a time when Kirtan would be home from work, so that I could
see their flat. They didn’t know who was coming to visit; only
that it was a disciple of Srila Prabhupada.
I arrived at the door at 4:30 p.m, and I was greeted by Kir-
tan and his mother. I immediately recognized Gauri but didn’t
know if she would remember me. Kirtan, who was 13 when
I was last there, asked me my name. When I told him, Sru-
takirti, they both smiled with delight. It was amazing! They
were so happy to see me after 32 years, and remembered me
with fondness. He grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously,
as his mother continued to smile with surprise. They both re-
membered me so well. Kirtan told me that he liked me the
most out of all Srila Prabhupada’s disciples. His mother agreed
and said I was always quiet. Then it became more exciting.
Kirtan left the room and quickly returned with an old electric
typewriter, with a great history. It was the typewriter that had
been around the world several times with Srila Prabhupada.
Thousands of letters were typed on it and then signed by Srila
Prabhupada. He himself typed letters on it. What was more
interesting was how they acquired it. Srila Prabhupada and his
entourage stayed at their flat for six weeks. They opened up
their house and hearts to Srila Prabhupada, his entourage and
other disciples that frequented their home. They gave us shel-
ter, fed us every day, and never asked for anything in return.
Before leaving, Srila Prabhupada offered to sell them the type-
writer, which Kartikeya bought for about Rs. 500.
Last year a devotee in Bombay offered to buy them a new
computer system in return for the old Royal typewriter. Kirtan
laughed and said he would not trade it for a Boeing 747 Jet! I
sat at the table and typed a thank you letter to them for taking
60 What is the Difficulty?

such nice care of me so long ago. Kirtan typed me an invitation

letter to come and stay with them again. Amazingly, on rare
occasions he still uses the machine for his business.
We sat for some time in the living room and Gauri told me
how wonderful it was remembering all the happy times we
they had with Srila Prabhupada in the house. Then, she told
me to wait a minute and she left the room. She returned quick-
ly with something in her hands that was wrapped tightly in a
thick plastic bag. She handed it to me and told me to open it. I
couldn’t imagine what else they might have.
I found my way through the bag and pulled out a large,
portable Uher reel-to-reel tape recorder. I immediately knew
what it was. It was the same recorder I took on hundreds of
morning walks, recording the transcendental words of His Di-
vine Grace. The same recorder that I had used to record Srila
Prabhupada’s lectures all over India, including all the lectures
in Vrndavana in 1972 during the month of Kartika. I couldn’t
believe it! She was so happy to show it to me. She had kept this
treasure safely in her bedroom all these years. It was complete
with all its cables and still in the black leather carrying case.
Even though they were just a few hundred yards from the sea,
the metal frame was still rust- free because of how carefully it
had been kept. I was so overwhelmed I didn’t even ask how
they managed to get this jewel.
I told them I could understand that the typewriter belonged
to them, but smiling I proclaimed, “this tape recorder is mine.”
I thanked her for taking such good care of it and asked for it
back. Both the mother and son smiled at me and ignored my
request. I sat with it on my lap for several minutes recalling the
vast amounts of service it had done. It was such a heavy ma-
chine. I don’t know how I managed to carry it on the morning
walks every day. Now, my only wish is that I get the opportu-
nity to do it life after life.
We took some pictures of their treasures and some group
Twice Around the World 61

photos as well before leaving that afternoon, promising to re-

turn again soon.

I again experienced how you touched the hearts of

everyone you encountered. The room was filled with
smiling faces as everyone happily remembered your
activities in their flat. We all came to life as we spoke
about your early efforts in Bombay, planting seeds of
devotion everywhere you went. One of those seeds
quickly took root. By your mercy, one of Kartikeya’s
daughters is an initiated devotee in ISKCON.
All Glories to Srila Prabhupada!

2 39 2
“See this scar?”
December 27, 1972 Mahadevia Flat, Mumbai, India

One day, while massaging Srila Prabhupada, he pointed to

a scar on his leg.
“See this scar?” he asked. “That happened when I was
young. I was in front of the house and I had matches. Some-
how, I started some fire and my clothing immediately went
up in flames. It was very bad. I do not know what would have
happened, but out of nowhere, some man appeared and put
out the flames. Then he left.”
Srila Prabhupada didn’t say anything more about the gentle-
man. He gave me the impression that the person who appeared
“out of nowhere” was not an ordinary person. Again, I felt so
privileged to hear such things from Srila Prabhupada. He gave
me a rare glimpse into his life, always tempered with his great
humility.
62 What is the Difficulty?

I never dared to ask him to be more specific. Having been

with Srila Prabhupada for so long, I knew he had told me as
much as he wanted me to know. In the two years I was with
him, Srila Prabhupada never stated in my presence that he
came from the spiritual world. In the two years I was with
him, every day I was more convinced that he was sent to us by
the mercy of Lord Caitanya to spread His Sankirtan movement
to every town and village. Srila Prabhupada, please allow me to
serve you life after life.
Srila Prabhupada was very merciful and always encouraged
us by saying we could become Krishna Conscious in this life-
time. He taught by example. He never asked us to do anything
that he didn’t do himself. He rose early, chanted japa, and read
Srimad- Bhagavatam. He never acted superior to his disciples.
He allowed us to be comfortable with him by acting as if he
were “practicing” Krishna Consciousness rather than the em-
bodiment of it.
“It is my duty to chastise because you are my disciple,” he
often said.
We are his children and his position was, and still is, to
teach us.

2 40 2
“…maybe my father knew.”
January 6, 1973 Mahadevia Flat, Mumbai, India

A Morning Massage with Srila Prabhupada

Srila Prabhupada often related his childhood pastimes.

One story he told happened when he was a very young boy
walking in the marketplace with his mother. Srila Prabhupada
saw some toy guns.
Twice Around the World 63

“I saw the guns and immediately I had to have them,” he

said.
When his mother wouldn’t get him one, he started to cry.
“All right, all right, I will buy you a gun,” his mother told
him.
Srila Prabhupada looked at the gun in one hand and then
looked at his other empty hand.
“I don’t have a gun for it,” he said. “I must have one for
each hand.”
“No,” his mother said.
However, even as a young child, Srila Prabhupada had a
great amount of determination.
When telling this story, Srila Prabhupada said, “At that point
I lay down in the street and started to kick my hands and feet
and bang my head on the ground.”
He referred to this behavior as a “tantrum.” Pointing to a
mark on his forehead, he said, “This scar is from that time. I
was very sure that I had to have two guns. Thus, she got me
the other gun. When I wanted something, I had to have it,”
he explained. “My mother would always get it. Otherwise,
I would tell my father and he would get very upset with my
mother and then she would have to do it.”
In a reflective mood, Srila Prabhupada said, “I don’t know,
maybe my father knew.”
From this brief statement, I concluded that Srila Prabhupa-
da’s father might have been aware of his son’s exalted position
as a pure devotee of the Supreme Lord.
Srila Prabhupada had fulfilled the prediction of Srila Bhak-
tivinoda Thakura to spread the chanting of the Maha Mantra
around the world.
I felt overwhelmed to be with him at that moment. He would
never make such a statement publicly, although all of his dis-
ciples knew he was responsible for doing it. No one had done
64 What is the Difficulty?

it until now and no one will ever be able to take credit for it in
the future. He wrote volumes of books, describing the glories
of the Supreme Lord and His devotees but always remained the
humble servant of the Lord.

2 41 2
“zzzzzuuummmmm”
January 10, 1973 Mahadevia Flat, Mumbai, India

During my first tour of India in the fall and winter of 1972,

Malati devi cooked for Srila Prabhupada. She was the wife of
Syamasundara dasa, Srila Prabhupada’s secretary. Their daugh-
ter, Sarasvati, was about three years old at the time. She was
the most fortunate little girl. She was the only person I knew
who was able to go in and out of Srila Prabhupada’s quarters
unannounced.
She seemed to appear out of nowhere, like a tiny Narada
Muni, in different temples around the world. She always ended
up in Srila Prabhupada’s room. Then, as quickly as she ap-
peared, she disappeared. He enjoyed her company. Some-
times she sat on his lap. Other times, like a grandfather, he af-
fectionately teased her. She always had prasadam in her hands
or mouth. Srila Prabhupada observed this and supplied her
with sweets from a container on his desk.
One day, as I massaged Srila Prabhupada, Sarasvati en-
tered his room. As usual, she was eating. Srila Prabhupada
laughed.
“You are always eating,” he said. “You know what you re-
mind me of, Sarasvati?” She looked at him with a mouthful of
food and shook her head.
“You remind me of New York City- the garbage trucks,” he
told her. “Do you know the garbage trucks in New York City?
Twice Around the World 65

She nodded. “In New York City,” Srila Prabhupada continued,

“they have these big garbage trucks. They go down the street
and workers put the garbage in.” Stretching one arm over his
head and the other towards the floor, Srila Prabhupada said,
“They go down the street and put garbage inside the big mouth
of the truck and then the truck goes zzzzzuuummmmm and it
closes and the truck eats it. Then it goes iiiimmmm and opens
back up. Like this.”
He imitated the up and down crunching movement of the
jaws of the garbage truck extending his arms in an opening and
closing motion.
“Your mouth is just like that. You are always putting things
in. Just like the garbage trucks in New York.”
Sarasvati was amused, but disappeared again. Perhaps she
went to get more prasadam from her mataji. I continued mas-
saging Srila Prabhupada, once again amazed by his greatness. I
wondered what pious activities Sarasvati must have performed
to be able to play with His Divine Grace on such an intimate
level. My witnessing Srila Prabhupada’s lila was certainly a
sign of his causeless mercy. Srila Prabhupada’s playful affec-
tion continues to soften this stone heart.

2 42 2
“Kirti means expert.”
January 13, 1973 Mahadevia Flat, Mumbai, India

For six weeks, Srila Prabhupada stayed at the flat of Kar-

tikeya Mahadevia. From the ground floor, there was a very
small two-man elevator that was used to get to Srila Prabhu-
pada’s rooms.
One morning Srila Prabhupada, Tamala Krishna Gosvami
and I went toward the elevator on the way to the morning
66 What is the Difficulty?

walk. As Srila Prabhupada’s servant, I expected to get into the

elevator with him, but Tamala Krishna Gosvami entered first,
so there was no room for me. As the doors closed, I quickly
turned and ran down two flights of stairs. I arrived at the el-
evator doors just in time to open them for Srila Prabhupada
and help him out of the elevator. As we walked away, Tamala
Krishna Maharaja looked at me and laughed.
“Srila Prabhupada,” he said. “Srutakirti is really expert.”
“Yes,” Srila Prabhupada replied. “‘Kirti’ means expert.”
He continued toward the car without commenting further
on the subject.
Being Srila Prabhupada’s servant was filled with adventure
and suspense. Whatever was going on seemed to be filled with
a certain electricity. Every month I had the opportunity to
shave Srila Prabhupada’s head with the electric clippers. Srila
Prabhupada was not a passive recipient during this process.
He moved around and that made me more frightened. He very
kindly helped me to be “Prabhupada Conscious.” “Turn the
shaver off in between each stroke so it doesn’t get hot,” he
instructed.
This wasn’t very difficult, but the tricky part was shaving
around his ears.
“Be careful of my ears,” he said whenever I got close to
them.
I was very careful. By Krishna’s grace, there was never a mis-
hap during this service. It also gave me the opportunity to put
many devotees into ecstasy by distributing Srila Prabhupada’s
hair.
Twice Around the World 67

2   43 2
“So, the pandal was very nice?”
January 21, 1973 Mahadevia Flat, Mumbai, India

Srila Prabhupada spoke every evening for a week at a pan-

dal program arranged by the devotees. Thousands of people
attended. Srila Prabhupada sat on his Vyasasana on the stage
with his disciples gathered at his feet. Radha Krishna Deities
were placed on a large stage. Their Lordships were later in-
stalled at Bhaktivedanta Manor in England.
It was an eventful week. One evening, an electrical fire ig-
nited behind the Deities’ altar. The fire spread, but fortunately
was put out quickly. More devotees arrived daily, so by the last
day of the program dozens of Srila Prabhupada’s disciples were
in attendance. The western devotees couldn’t understand the
lectures because they were spoken in Hindi, but it was evident
from the enthusiastic crowd that Srila Prabhupada was enli-
vening everyone.
The last day of the program was especially wonderful. After
Srila Prabhupada finished his lecture, he nodded and said, “All
right, have kirtan.”
Acyutananda Swami, sitting by a microphone with a mrdan-
ga in hand began to lead the chanting. Within a few minutes,
Srila Prabhupada got down from his Vyasasana and began to
circumambulate the Deities. He went around once, turned,
and bowed before Sri Sri Radha Krishna. The devotees started
to follow His Divine Grace as he went around for a second
time. He clapped his hands and smiled as he walked around
the shaky stage for a second time. Again, he turned and bowed
before Their Lordships. The kirtan became more ecstatic. Eve-
ryone relished following Srila Prabhupada as our eyes drank
the nectar of his ecstasy.
He majestically walked around Their Lordships once more,
68 What is the Difficulty?

completing his third time. He bowed again before the Supreme

Lord and His Pleasure Potency and then faced the crowd. As he
turned, he lifted his arms high in the sky. He benedicted us all
with the biggest smile I had ever seen. As he danced, jumping
up and down to the kirtan, he immediately lifted us all to the
transcendental realm. It was amazing how Srila Prabhupada
controlled us by the movement of his arms. When he raised
them into the air, he picked everyone up with them and de-
posited us in the spiritual world. The crowd of thousands was
caught up in the ecstasy. The kirtan was out of this world.
The dancing on the wooden platform by dozens of devo-
tees was so wild that the stage shook. Their Lordships began
to move back and forth on the altar, as if They were join-
ing Their pure devotee in his ecstasy. Along with another
devotee, I went behind the altar and held the Deities down by
holding Their bases. Noticing the situation, Srila Prabhupada
stopped dancing. When the kirtan was over, Srila Prabhu-
pada and I got into the back of an Ambassador and it started
for Kartikeya Mahadevia’s flat where Srila Prabhupada was
staying.
“So, the pandal was very nice?” he asked with a transcen-
dental smile.
“Prabhupada, it was really wonderful,” I said. “When you
dance, everyone immediately goes into ecstasy.”
“Yes!” he said. “Actually, I could have kept on dancing, but I
saw that the Deities were endangered so I stopped. Otherwise,
I would have kept on dancing.”

Srila Prabhupada, thank you for allowing me the

chance to witness your spiritual potency. By our
conversation in the car, it was evident that you relished
distributing the mercy to everyone present. I knew I was
the most fortunate living entity on the planet being able
to sit next to you in the car. Please raise your arms over
Twice Around the World 69

me once again so that I may dance according to your

desire.

2   44 2
“Go get a thali and put water in it.”
January 25, 1973 ISKCON Kolkata, India

Kolkata was definitely Srila Prabhupada’s hometown.

The temple, which had a relaxed atmosphere, was situated on
the second floor with a modest-sized temple room. Srila Prab-
hupada’s room was at the end of the building. The nicest part
of the facility was a marble verandah that ran the width of the
building. It overlooked a pond that was across the street.
While in Kolkata, we could not stop the flow of guests en-
tering Srila Prabhupada’s room. It was different from other
temples where there was much more control. When Srila Pra-
bhupada rested in the afternoon, I would lie down in front of
the doors of his room so no one could enter. It was one of my
favourite services, getting the chance to be his guard dog. Srila
Prabhupada knew it was the hometown crowd so he was espe-
cially gracious. There were always a few boxes of milk sweets
in his room that had been purchased at the local sweet shop. In
Kolkata, this box was right next to his sitting place. The sand-
esa of many varieties was the best tasting in the world. Srila
Prabhupada always emphasized, “All guests should be given
prasadam”
One day I noticed that a box of sweets was covered with
ants. I thought if I showed them to Srila Prabhupada he would
tell me to discard them. Then I could dust off the ants and keep
them for myself. I lustfully walked into his room and offered
my obeisances. I told him of the dilemma. He smiled at me, no
doubt reading my mind.
70 What is the Difficulty?

“That’s all right, he told me. They don’t eat very much. Go
get a thali (a plate with a one-inch rim around it) and put wa-
ter in it. Then you can put a pot in that upside down and put
the sweets on the pot. That will make a moat so the ants can’t
get at the sweets.” I offered my obeisances, left the room and
came back a few minutes later with the sweets on the plate. I
put them down beside him and offered obeisances. He looked
at my work and nodded with approval, not saying anything. I
then left the room.

Srila Prabhupada, you always bring the best out

of me, even in the simplest ways. In all our dealings
together, you always showed me the importance of being
honest and straightforward, without making me feel
guilty and ashamed of myself. You offer me protection
from maya, just as you protected those sweets from my
lust. As you so often told me, “Chant 16 rounds and
follow the regulative principles and maya can not touch
you. What is the difficulty?”

2   45 2
“This Kachori has created havoc.”
January 28, 1973 ISKCON Kolkata, India

One of Srila Prabhupada’s transcendental characteristics

was he never, ever wasted anything. This quality manifested
itself in many pastimes.
One afternoon while lying outside his room, I heard him
moaning. I didn’t know what to do. A few times I looked in
and saw him tossing and turning on his bed. He didn’t call for
me, but I couldn’t take it any more. Finally, I rushed into his
room.
Twice Around the World 71

“Srila Prabhupada, what’s wrong?” I asked.

“My stomach, very painful,” he said. “It must have been
something I ate. It’s very, very painful.”
He didn’t ask for any assistance. I remained in the room and
gently rubbed his stomach.
Later he said, “It must have been that coconut kachori my
sister made me for lunch. It was not cooked. The coconut was
very difficult to digest. It is causing me very much pain.”
Throughout the evening different devotees took turns rub-
bing his body. The pain continued all night. With each breath
he took, he would let out a sigh. In the morning the Kaviraja
came. He confirmed what Srila Prabhupada had said. I entered
Srila Prabhupada’s room at 4:00 a.m.
“This kachori has created havoc,” he told me. “All night I
have not been able to rest. It has created havoc in my life.”

2   46 2
“I had to take bath, I was feeling very tired.”
February 8, 1973 Bangkok Airport Transit Lounge

Srila Prabhupada distributed his mercy without distinc-

tion. That was the kindness of the pure devotee. On a flight
from India to the west, we had a two-hour stop over at Bang-
kok airport and had to wait in the transit area.
“Get my things,” Srila Prabhupada told me. “I am going to
shower.”
To accomplish this, I had first to locate our luggage, which
was being changed from one aeroplane to another. I went to
the baggage area, opened Srila Prabhupada’s bag, and grabbed
his lota, towel and a fresh change of clothing. After a few min-
utes, I returned to His Divine Grace.
72 What is the Difficulty?

“Where is the bathroom?” he asked.

We walked together to the bathroom, but unfortunately,
there was no bathing facility. Srila Prabhupada was not easily
discouraged. For him, there was never an obstacle.
Assessing the situation, he turned to me and said, “All right,
I’ll take bath from the small sink.”
After covering his lower body with his gamcha, he poured
water over his body again and again from his lota. He washed
with soap and then rinsed again. I watched in amazement as he
refreshed himself. He was transcendental to all other activities
going on around him.
The local Thai attendant watched from a corner of the bath-
room. He looked disturbed at seeing the extra work that was
being created for him as Prabhupada spilled water all over the
floor.
I gave Srila Prabhupada a towel when he was finished. He
dried himself and dressed in a clean dhoti and kurta.
The attendant approached me as we were walking out of the
bathroom. Although I had no idea what he was saying, I knew
he was complaining. I told the attendant as nicely as I could,
that I was helpless to stop Srila Prabhupada.
Inside, I smiled to myself, as I realized the attendant had no
idea that he was being benedicted by the causeless mercy of
a Paramahamsa. He was, albeit unknowingly, directly serving
Srila Prabhupada by wiping up the spilled water.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said as we walked out. “I think he is a
little upset.”
“Oh, well!” Srila Prabhupada replied, laughing mildly “I had
to take bath. I was feeling very tired.”
Travelling with Srila Prabhupada was always an incredible
adventure. He never felt the need to conform to any social con-
ventions. On airplanes, he used the restroom when the seat
belt light was on. He took prasadam when we weren’t allowed
Twice Around the World 73

to have our trays down. If anyone said anything to him, he

ignored them. They would then turn to me.
“I can’t stop him,” I would say shrugging my shoulders.
They inevitably realized they were no match for a Vaikuntha
person and walked away.

2   47 2
“Krishna likes sugar very much.”
Feb. 20, 1973 ISKCON Auckland, New Zealand

Before Srila Prabhupada’s arrival at the New Zealand

temple, Siddha Svarupa Maharaja and Tusta Krishna Maharaja
moved the devotees out of the temple, so that Srila Prabhu-
pada would have a peaceful, quiet stay. It was an interesting
and unusual thing to do, but it did allow Srila Prabhupada the
chance to have a relaxing visit.
One evening Srila Prabhupada asked me to prepare puris
and subji. As I prepared his meal, I realized I did not have any
milk sweets to put on his plate. There was no Deity worship at
the temple, so I was unable to get maha-prasadam for his plate.
I hadn’t found the time to prepare any sandesa since our arrival
the previous day. I brought the puris, subji and hot milk into
Srila Prabhupada’s room and placed them on his table. I then
offered my obeisances. Siddha Svarupa and Tusta Krishna were
both present in the room speaking with Srila Prabhupada. He
allowed them to remain while he took prasadam. This was a
great benediction as it was not something Srila Prabhupada did
often. He usually honoured prasadam in private.
I left the room and went back to the kitchen to roll and fry a
few more puris. I rushed back to my spiritual master with two
fresh puris, placing them on his plate before offering my hum-
ble obeisances. Srila Prabhupada looked at me inquisitively.
74 What is the Difficulty?

“There is no sweet?” he asked.

“No, Prabhupada,” I said. “I haven’t made any yet.”
“Oh, all right. Bring me some sugar,” he mercifully said, re-
alizing the situation.
I went back to the kitchen, filled a bowl with white sugar and
returned to his sitting room. I placed the bowl on his plate. He
took a puri, stuffed it into the bowl of sugar and took a bite. He
did this a few times. You could hear the crunching sounds as
he chewed enthusiastically. He stopped for a moment, chant-
ed, “Luci cini sarpuri laddu rasabali”, and continued by saying,
“This is a very good combination. It is very tasty.”
As he ate, the two sannyasis watched in amazement. Neither
of these Maharaja disciples ate anything that contained even
a trace of sugar, what to speak of eating the horrid substance
in its “impure” form. This was another of Srila Prabhupada’s
wondrous qualities. He always knew exactly how to surprise
and unsettle his disciples, giving them the opportunity to un-
derstand his most transcendental position.
Once while staying in New Dvaraka, Srila Prabhupada took a
one-day trip to the Laguna Beach temple, which was a two-hour
ride by car. That evening, while still in Laguna Beach, he asked
for hot milk. Although this temple had Deity worship, I was un-
able to find sugar in the temple kitchen. I therefore, sweetened
the milk with honey, because occasionally Srila Prabhupada
asked to have his milk sweetened with honey. However, on this
evening when I brought him the hot milk, he tasted it and im-
mediately asked, “Why it is not sweetened with sugar?”
“They do not have any sugar in this temple,” I said.
“How can that be?” he asked in an angry mood.
“Some devotees think that white sugar is not healthy and that
it is better to avoid it,” I explained.
“That’s fine,” he said. “If they don’t want to eat sugar, they
don’t have to. However, Krishna likes sugar very much. This is
nonsense. They must use sugar when they make preparations
Twice Around the World 75

for the Deities.”

Srila Prabhupada, you were astonishing. Wherever

you went, you quickly cut through all of the creative
nonsense invented by your disciples. You didn’t need a
network of spies to tell you what was going on. Krishna
was your spy. He gave you all the information needed,
so you could set the proper path for your foolhardy
children. I relished the countless opportunities when I
saw you display psychic abilities. Devotees often asked
if you displayed any yogic powers. I constantly saw you
display them. You read the minds of your disciples and
dealt with them accordingly. Often, it was to my joyful
and appreciative amusement.
Please, Srila Prabhupada, grant me your association
always by allowing me to remember that you reside in
my heart. You know I have no qualifications, but I know
how merciful you are. After all, you have allowed me to
personally associate with you.

2   48 2
“Oh! Thank you, Krishna.”
February 21, 1973 ISKCON Auckland, New Zealand

There was one name that never brought a smile to Srila

Prabhupada’s face. That name was Mr. Nair. He was the “Kam-
sa” of ISKCON. He made the mistake of selling a piece of land
in Juhu to Srila Prabhupada for a small down payment. Mr.
Nair’s scheme was that, in the future Srila Prabhupada would
not be able to pay the large balloon payment, and would there-
fore lose possession of the land. Then, Mr. Nair would resell
the property as he had done previously, several times. Mr. Nair
76 What is the Difficulty?

didn’t realize with whom he was dealing. As soon as Srila Prab-

hupada took possession of the land, he had his disciples build
a temple on the property, install deities, and instituted full de-
ity worship.
The history of the Juhu project is very long and I do not
know all of the details, but I do know that everyone was ready
to give in to Mr. Nair’s antics, except for His Divine Grace.
Srila Prabhupada spent many days intensely chanting japa.
He was determined to acquire this particular piece of land for
Their Lordships Sri Sri Radha Rasavihari. He worked to keep
his disciples inspired to fight, and not give up their efforts to
acquire the property. Some disciples questioned why Srila Pra-
bhupada was so attached to this property, to the point of being
offensive.
One beautiful day in Auckland, during Srila Prabhupada’s
morning massage, things became very clear. I remember it as if
it were yesterday. I was sitting on the floor behind Srila Prabhu-
pada, vigorously massaging his back. Tusta Krishna Maharaja
and Siddha Svarupa Maharaja were also present. Tusta Krishna
went to answer a phone call. He told me to go to the phone. I
spoke with the caller briefly and ran back into the room.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “That was Bali Mardana on the
phone. He wanted to tell you that Mr. Nair is dead.”
Immediately, Srila Prabhupada clapped his hands in prayer-
like fashion and with a beaming smile, he jubilantly exclaimed,
“Oh! Thank You, Krishna!”
Confused, I sat down behind His Divine Grace to massage
his back. I was surprised how happy Srila Prabhupada was
about someone dying. Normally, it was a time of mourning.
I had expected Srila Prabhupada to respond differently. I real-
ized that I understood nothing about spiritual life or the pure
devotee.
“I prayed that Krishna would kill him,” he said. “He has
caused us so much difficulty. I was praying that Krishna would
Twice Around the World 77

do something to this demon.”

He then quoted a Sanskrit sloka from Srimad-Bhagavatam
and translated it into English.
“Prahlada Maharaja said, ‘Even the sadhu becomes pleased
when a snake or scorpion is killed,’” Srila Prabhupada ex-
plained. “Mr. Nair was such a serpent. Therefore, it is very
good.”
He read my mind and immediately corrected my bogus ide-
as. I felt great relief. Now armed with the proper sentiment, I
asked, “Srila Prabhupada, Krishna killed him? Does that mean
he has achieved liberation?”
Srila Prabhupada laughed at my foolish question.
“No!” he replied. “Krishna didn’t kill him personally. That
only applies when Krishna personally kills you. He was not
such a great demon. Krishna did not come personally to kill
him.”
As I continued to massage him, Srila Prabhupada continued
to clarify his attachment to the project.
“The Deities were installed on the property,” he said. “Mr.
Nair was making a great insult to Krishna that I could not
tolerate. He was insulting Krishna. Krishna was there and he
tried to kick Krishna off the land. We have money. We can buy
property anywhere, but Krishna was there at Juhu. Therefore,
I was determined to have it for the Lord.”
Srila Prabhupada was silent for a few minutes.
“I remember when he came to visit me this last time in Mum-
bai,” he continued. “I knew then that Krishna was going to kill
him. I noticed he was limping. Generally, he was a very robust
man, very strong. He was not at all ill, but on his last visit, he
was limping. Then I knew Krishna would kill him. Actually,
Krishna has killed him.”

My dear Srila Prabhupada, your determination to

serve the Supreme Lord is transcendental. It is apparent
78 What is the Difficulty?

why you were chosen by Lord Caitanya to spread His

glories to every town and village. You are fully qualified
to be worshiped by all living entities on this planet for
the next ten thousand years. I observed how you were
resolute during the overwhelming difficulties connected
with the Juhu project. You are fully surrendered to
Krishna. Please bless me with the determination to fully
surrender at your lotus feet.

2   49 2
“No religion is bad”
February 21, 1973 ISKCON Auckland, New Zealand

During this trip to the Pacific Rim Srila Prabhupada

stayed in Auckland for six days. He stayed at the temple but
the devotees stayed elsewhere so it was a very quiet, peaceful
time for Srila Prabhupada. Along with Srila Prabhupada and
his entourage, only Siddhasvarupa and Tusta Krishna Mahara-
jas were present. By 1975, Siddha already had a splinter group,
the first one in ISKCON. The tendency to be separate was there
from the start. When Siddha came, he already had a following.
Srila Prabhupada always tried to get them to cooperate with
the GBC but knew they wouldn’t. Therefore, he gave them suf-
ficient opportunity to get his personal association and instruc-
tion so that they could understand the philosophy well, and
know how to present as it is. Just before coming here, Srila
Prabhupada invited them both to travel with him in India from
October 15 until the end of January. Siddha joined Srila Prab-
hupada for part of his stay in India.
While in Auckland, they both spent time with Srila Prabhu-
pada during the day and were always present for his late morn-
ing massage. They also came for darshan in the afternoon and
Twice Around the World 79

evening. One day, in the early afternoon Siddha came to Srila

Prabhupada with a book called “Jesus loves Krishna, Krish-
na loves Jesus.” He wanted to know what Srila Prabhupada
thought of it. As the title indicated, it showed what Christianity
had in common with Krishna Consciousness and was positive
in nature. After looking through it Srila Prabhupada said, “You
say nothing in here about meat eating. They are killing the
cow to eat her. Why you are not mentioning it in here? Christ
says ’Thou shalt not kill.’ So why you have not mentioned this
point in your book? This is the most important point. Christ
says ’Thou shall not kill and here they are killing.” Srila Pra-
bhupada wasn’t pleased and explained, “If one truly loves Je-
sus they can not take part in the killing of animals. I ask the
Christians that Lord Christ says that ‘Thou shall not kill.’ Why
you are killing? They give some vague explanation. Actually,
a real Christian is as good as a real Hindu, as a real Muslim. If
he follows. No religion is bad.” Siddha said he would make the
necessary changes to the book.
At another darshan while sitting before Srila Prabhupada,
Siddha began to explain to him about the Chinese process of
acupuncture. I sat to one side as he talked for about half an
hour about it. I kept looking at Srila Prabhupada as he sat there
patiently listening. After about 15 minutes Srila Prabhupada
put his head back on the pillow of his asana and closed his
eyes. He was resting. It didn’t seem to matter. Siddha went on
for a while more. Every now and then Srila Prabhupada would
open his eyes and give a nod. He didn’t comment on anything
Siddha was saying, but allowed him to talk to his full satisfac-
tion.
Srila Prabhupada sat there patiently until he finished speak-
ing never interrupting him. By his kindness and compassion,
he encouraged them both for almost a week. He wanted them
to be fixed up in Krishna Consciousness so that they could
help spread Lord Caitanya’s movement, Even if they were go-
ing to do it independently.
80 What is the Difficulty?

2   50 2
“The sandalwood oil cooled my body too much.”
February 22, 1973 ISKCON Auckland, New Zealand

From the beginning, Siddha Svarupa had a unique rela-

tionship with the International Society for Krishna Conscious-
ness. Before meeting Srila Prabhupada, he had been a “guru”
who surrendered to His Divine Grace, bringing with him some
of his own “disciples.” Many ISKCON devotees had difficulty
accepting the distinction awarded to Siddha Svarupa. Conse-
quently, some members of ISKCON did not get along with him
and, apparently, the feeling was mutual.
Siddha Svarupa did have a great deal of association with
Srila Prabhupada, however, and His Divine Grace encouraged
him to spread Lord Caitanya’s sankirtana movement.
“Work under the direction of the GBC,” Srila Prabhupada
told him. “But, if you cannot do that, then work directly under
me.”
It was clear to me that Siddha Svarupa had a great deal of
love for Srila Prabhupada and His Divine Grace reciprocated.
One morning in Auckland, Siddha presented Srila Prabhu-
pada with a large, aluminum bottle of Mysore sandalwood oil
just before Srila Prabhupada was to take his massage.
“Please use this sandalwood oil for massaging your entire
body,” Siddha said.
“No,” Srila Prabhupada replied. “Sandalwood oil is for cool-
ing the head only and mustard oil is for the rest of the body.”
Siddha Svarupa did not understand the Ayurvedic signifi-
cance of what Srila Prabhupada was saying. Out of love, he
wanted the best possible oil used to massage Srila Prabhupa-
da.
“Please, Srila Prabhupada, just this once!” Siddha insisted.
Seeing Siddha Svarupa’s determination to please him, Srila
Twice Around the World 81

Prabhupada reluctantly consented. That day I massaged Srila

Prabhupada’s entire body with sandalwood oil as Siddha joy-
fully watched.
As usual, Srila Prabhupada took a bath after his massage,
honoured lunch prasadam and took a nap. After his nap, he
called for me. I hurried to his room and offered my obeisanc-
es.
“I am not feeling well,” he said, looking very serious. “I
think it is because of the massage. The sandalwood oil cooled
the body too much.”
I was overwhelmed with disappointment because I had
not taken proper care of my Gurudeva. The natural warming
property of mustard oil was always used on Srila Prabhupa-
da’s golden body. I understood the healthy effect of keeping
His Divine Grace warm. Generally, Srila Prabhupada did not
let health problems interrupt his devotional service. He rarely
went to bed when he was not feeling well unless his illness
continued for weeks. He never took aspirin for headaches.
During an episode of illness, the only changes I saw in Srila
Prabhupada’s daily schedule were dietary adjustments. If Srila
Prabhupada were not well enough to take a bath, he would ask
me to massage him without oil. On a few occasions when he
had a cold, he told me to put a little camphor into the mustard
oil and then heat the oil.
“Make the oil as hot as you can and still be able to touch it,”
he instructed.
It was remarkable how much difficulty Srila Prabhupada ac-
cepted for the pleasure of his disciples. He knew that using the
sandalwood oil could cause difficulty. However, just to satisfy
his disciple, he accepted it. Clearly, Srila Prabhupada under-
went hardships to satisfy his Guru Maharaja, but he was also
willing to accept difficulties for the pleasure of his devotees.
He was eager to encourage us in our devotional service even if
we put him into difficulty.
82 What is the Difficulty?

Srila Prabhupada, I pray that I may someday

understand your instructions, so I can serve you
according to your desire and not according to my whim.
Please forgive me for failing to protect you. I knew it
was not a good idea to use the sandalwood oil. I should
have explained it to Siddha Svarupa. He would have
understood because his only desire was to please you.

2   51 2
“If you want to build a Temple, It is alright”
February 28, 1973 Jakarta, Indonesia

While staying at a life member’s house, a few Indian guests

came to visit Srila Prabhupada. While there, one of them said,
“Swamiji, we want you to ask us to build a temple. We want to
build a temple for you, but we want your blessings. We want
you to ask us.”
“No, no,” Srila Prabhupada said laughing. “If you want to
build a temple, it is all right. Build a temple. We will man it
for you.”
“Swamiji,” the gentleman continued. “We want you to give
us your blessings, to ask us to make the temple. We want the
benediction.”
Srila Prabhupada still smiling and laughing said, “No, no. If
I ask you to do it and you don’t do it, then it will be offensive.
If you don’t comply, that will be your fall down. That is very
bad. If you do it on your own that is good, but if you don’t do it
there is no harm done because I haven’t told you to do it.”

Srila Prabhupada, you showed us what it means to be

a leader and how to give instructions without false ego.
I was always amazed how you would call me into your
Twice Around the World 83

room and after I offered my obeisances, you would look

at me and innocently say, “Can you give me massage
now?”
With disbelief I could only say, “Prabhupada that is
why I am here. I am waiting to serve you.”
You made it very easy to want to serve you. Please
let the memories of being with you flow from my heart.

2   52 2
“You can never see your wife after you have taken
sannyasa.”
March 14, 1973 ISKCON Kolkata, India

Once, a sannyasi confided to Srila Prabhupada that he was

having difficulty because of attachment to his wife.
“Even last night,” Srila Prabhupada told him. “I had a dream
about my wife. The attachment is that strong, even I have been
away for so many years. Still, last night I had some dream about
my wife. Therefore, the injunction is there. You can never see
your wife after you have taken sannyasa. You can never even
see her, because just by seeing her, so many thoughts can be
brought to the mind.”
Later, during his stay in Kolkata, he spoke humourously
about attachment between men and women.
“Women are compared to fire, and men, they are like but-
ter,” he said. “Therefore, our sannyasis, they should have
stamped on their forehead, ‘keep in a cool place.’ Just like on
the butter package, it says that. So, our sannyasis, they also
should have that stamped onto their forehead. That will keep
them safe from danger.”
Our Gurudeva mercifully engages us in Krishna’s service. In
84 What is the Difficulty?

spite of our degraded condition, he heroically rescued us and

is leading us “Back to Godhead.”

2   53 2
“Mayapur is your home”
March 16, 1973 Kolkata to Mayapur, India

Srila Prabhupada and his entourage left the Philippines

on October 14, 1972 and arrived in Delhi the same day. For
the next five months, he travelled around India. On March 16,
1973, Srila Prabhupada left Kolkata for Mayapur with his dev-
otee driver, his secretary and I. We left before sunrise with our
luggage and some prasadam loaded into the standard Indian
car, an Ambassador. The roads were less travelled but it turned
out to be an eventful morning.
The first half of the trip was quiet. We stopped about half
way between Kolkata and Mayapur at what became a very
magical place, a Prabhupada Tirtha, the mango grove. It was
a small area to the side of the road with about a dozen young
mango trees. It was just turning light and Srila Prabhupada
directed me to where he would like to sit. We sat on the grass
next to him. After a moment, Srila Prabhupada looked at me
and said, “You can lead us in chanting the prayers to the Spir-
itual Master.”
I had been with his party now for six months but had never
led a kirtan. There were always so many more qualified devo-
tees around when Srila Prabhupada was at a temple. I have the
voice of a frog. I didn’t mind playing the mrdanga or kartals for
him but never considered leading a kirtan. Now in this beauti-
ful, intimate spot he gave me this wonderful opportunity to
chant prayers to him. We all chanted together and then took
prasadam. After a short time, we were back in the car and on
Twice Around the World 85

the road to Mayapur.

By now, the sun was shining brightly and the road was ac-
tive. Construction work was being done on the road as well.
A few dozen Bengali men and boys were working on the small
road swinging picks and digging with shovels, repairing holes
in the road. Up to this point, we were making good progress.
Once, Srila Prabhupada even chastised his driver, saying he
was going too fast.
Suddenly progress came to an abrupt halt. While driving
along the work area the driver hit one of the workers. He didn’t
knock him down as he hit him with the side of the car, but it
spun the man around. Our devotee driver immediately slowed
down to almost a stop. Srila Prabhupada, who always knew
what was to be done in every situation said, “Don’t stop, keep
going.” The Ambassador continued moving along, picking up
some speed. The situation intensified. As we looked ahead
some of the workers had formed a roadblock. A dozen of them
stood across the road with their shovels and picks raised and
blocked the road. We waited for Srila Prabhupada’s next in-
struction. It quickly came. “All right, stop the car”.
As soon as we stopped, all the workers surrounded the car,
their tools in hand. Srila Prabhupada sat in the back behind
the driver and I was next to him. I rolled down the window for
him as he indicated and Srila Prabhupada began to speak to
them in Bengali. The workers were all yelling and screaming
at us. Being from the west we were used to being surrounded
by the locals whenever we stopped, but this was different. This
was scary! Their eyes were glaring at us, in a way you only see
when you are in West Bengal.
The talk continued for several minutes as our Divine Master
tried to diffuse the situation. Finally, Srila Prabhupada said,
“Give him 10 rupees.” His driver pulled out a ten-rupee note
and handed it to one of the workers. Again they began to yell
and scream and raise their shovels and picks. The arguing con-
86 What is the Difficulty?

tinued for a few more minutes. Only Srila Prabhupada talked

to them as we sat quietly. Finally, Srila Prabhupada said, “Give
them ten more rupees.” The driver quickly pulled out anoth-
er note and handed it to the worker. Srila Prabhupada said,
“Okay, now we can go.” I rolled up his window as the car be-
gan to drive away. The workers were still shouting and waving
their tools as we left but they let us pass.
Srila Prabhupada didn’t chastise his disciple, driving the car
again, other than telling him the importance of not driving
too fast. When we came to Mayapur Dhama, the car slowed
as it passed Yoga-pitha, the birthplace of Lord Caitanya Ma-
haprabhu. As we passed, Srila Prabhupada folded his hands
in prayer but did not ask to stop. The car went on to the ISK-
CON land and stopped there. He stayed there for three days
in the small thatched roof hut at the front of the property and
gave his senior disciples instructions on developing ISKCON
Mayapur Dhama.
I was with Srila Prabhupada 2 ½ years later when he re-
turned to Mayapur for the Gaura Purnima festival in 1975.
Upon his arrival, he went to his quarters in the newly erect-
ed Lotus building. Srila Prabhupada sat in his room with the
managers of Mayapur, Bhavananda Maharaja and Jayapataka
Maharaja.
Srila Prabhupada said, “Bhaktivinoda Thakura has given his
blessings upon you. You are fulfilling his mission. He wanted
that European, American should come here. It is all Bhaktivin-
oda Thakura’s blessing. Hare Krishna! So there is no scarcity of
space for keeping all the devotees?”
Bhavananda responded, “Everyone is situated in rooms” and
Jayapataka added, “Without these wall dwellings, there would
have been no hope.”
Srila Prabhupada, who was always so concerned about the
comfort of his disciples laughed and said, “You must complete,
and whatever amount required, I shall pay.” Jayapataka Swami
Twice Around the World 87

realizing the depth of Srila Prabhupada’s mercy said, “Only by

your mercy you have brought us to this Krishna conscious-
ness movement. Srila Prabhupada humbly replied, “Yes. I am
simply messenger. Mercy is of Bhaktivinoda Thakura and Srila
Prabhupada (Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura). Before
your coming they predicted, “Somebody will bring”. Maybe
that somebody I am.” He then laughed for a moment and add-
ed, “Bhaktivinoda Thakura predicted. So anyway, Krishna has
given us nice place. Stay here.”
On another day, you spoke to the devotees of the Radha
Damodara Sankirtan Party. At the end of the darshan, one of
them thanked you for allowing them to stay in Mayapur Dha-
ma. You quickly replied, “Mayapur is your home! The west is
only meant for two purposes, preaching and sense gratification
but your home is Mayapur.”

Srila Prabhupada, for a moment you described to

the few of us in the room, your position, ‘Maybe that
somebody I am’. You quickly changed the subject not
wanting to continue on the topic. I bow down to your
lotus feet, who has saved us and generations more by
your causeless mercy.

2   54 2
“They can chant their ‘Nitai Gaura, Hari Bols’…”
March 18, 1973 ISKCON Mayapur, India

During ISKCON’s first international festival in Mayapur,

many devotees demonstrated how they had become influ-
enced by the Bengali form of kirtan. Srila Prabhupada ex-
pressed some displeasure about the chanting of so many
different mantras. “They can chant their ‘Nitai Gaura, Hari
88 What is the Difficulty?

Bols’,” he said, “but I will chant Hare Krishna and go back

home, back to Godhead.”
Perhaps if we had understood the translation of “Hari bol,”
then we would have known what to do. Srila Prabhupada en-
joyed chanting the Maha-mantra.

2   55 2
“… if one is being attacked, you have the right to
defend yourself.”
March 16, 1973 ISKCON Mayapur, India

During my first trip to Mayapur with Srila Prabhupada,

the guesthouse had not been built, so our quarters were very
austere. We stayed in a goshala, a thatched hut, which had
been prepared for his stay. Srila Prabhupada stayed in one
room and the rest of us stayed on the other side of a partition.
I had never seen so many mosquitoes in my life. It was so bad
that by the time I had the net over Srila Prabhupada’s bed there
were already mosquitoes inside the net.
One night, after we both climbed under the net, I started
massaging his legs.
“There are so many mosquitoes,” I said. “Should I kill them,
Srila Prabhupada?” “Yes! They are attacking,” he said. “Ac-
cording to sastra, if one is being attacked, you have the right to
defend yourself. And, they are attacking.”
So, as I massaged him, I watched. Whenever I saw a mos-
quito in the air, I raised my hands and clapped them together.
Sometimes I gently smacked Srila Prabhupada’s body as one
landed on his head or back. This was the most unusual service
I ever did. I enjoyed it immensely. I never considered myself
much of a warrior, but this enemy was no match for me. I had
Twice Around the World 89

finally been given a service I was good at, killing insects. Srila
Prabhupada was very kind.
He also had the best description of these annoying insects.
One morning he rang his bell very early. I walked into his
room slowly, still half asleep. He looked at me with a touch of
anger and said, “Some mosquito, last night, he was cutting my
forehead. He created so much disturbance. He made it difficult
for me to do my translating work.”
It was incredible. No matter what was going on, Srila Prab-
hupada always related it to his service to Krishna. It was never
about bodily inconvenience. He only complained about some-
thing if it interfered with his service. Of course, all I ever saw
was Srila Prabhupada serving his Guru Maharaja, and Srila
Prabhupada in the state of bliss. The two went on simultane-
ously.

2   56 2
“Go on, Take Prasadam”
March 17, 1973 ISKCON Mayapur, India

While staying in the small facility at the front of the prop-

erty, Srila Prabhupada sometimes walked outside and observed
his disciples taking prasadam behind his quarters. In the exist-
ing conditions, Srila Prabhupada considered his disciples like
pioneers, undergoing great austerities to help him in his mis-
sion. In most places in India, the conditions were fair, at best.
Srila Prabhupada was anxious to have guest facilities built so
his disciples would have adequate living arrangements.
Having no permanent cooking facility, the devotees used
a small kerosene stove to cook puris. They cooked outside,
near the area where they took prasadam. Cooking was going
on as the devotees were eating, so they were continually being
90 What is the Difficulty?

brought hot puris. During that time of the year, date trees were
tapped for their sap and it was cooked down into an incredibly
tasty gur.
One day Srila Prabhupada left his room to use the meagre
bathroom facility. He walked outside and, of course, everyone
offered their obeisances.
“Go on. Take prasadam,” he told them.
The exchange between Srila Prabhupada and his disciples
was so sweet. He always enjoyed seeing his disciples eat pras-
adam. He saw the combination of hot puris and date gur and
said, “Oh, very good combination.”
Later in his room, he said to me, “This is not a very good
practice . . . the devotees having puris made on the spot, hot
like that. This is not our system. You just take prasadam. Are
we so high, lofty? These devotees have to be getting hot puris,
one after another. This is not good. This must be stopped.”
That day I transferred the message to one of the temple ad-
ministrators so that Srila Prabhupada’s wishes could be carried
out.
In India and especially in the holy places Srila Prabhupada
was always aware of how others saw us. He knew we were Vai-
snava’s, despite our western birth. He also knew we needed to
be trained properly in Vaisnava etiquette. For the benefit of all
he wanted his temples in India to be considered first class. He
patiently trained us so that it would happen.
Twice Around the World 91

2   57 2
“Water for bath?”
March 18, 1973 ISKCON Mayapur and Vrndavana in India

The simplest arrangements were often the biggest cause

of anxiety, especially in India. In 1973, while in Mayapur, I
put an immersion heater in a brass bucket filled with water to
warm it for Srila Prabhupada’s bath. Naturally it didn’t always
work. The heaters burned out or the electricity went off. Srila
Prabhupada would be ready for his bath with no warm water.
“Why don’t I have any hot water for bath?” he shouted.
When he stayed on the second floor at the Radha Damodara
temple in Vrndavana he said, “You can place a bucket of water
outside on the roof and the sun will heat it sufficiently for tak-
ing bath.”
That usually worked, except when the monkeys decided
they wanted to drink from it and proceeded to knock over the
bucket.
Serving Srila Prabhupada was very easy if you were Krishna
Conscious, Prabhupada Conscious. To do it expertly one only
needed to think of him 24 hours a day, instead of thinking of
ourselves. It didn’t require a big education. Srila Prabhupada
taught us how to love Krishna by teaching us how to love him.
As he told me, ‘service is love.’ He taught by example.

2  58 2
“Simply they are gossiping. Tell them to stop.”
March 18, 1973 ISKCON Mayapur, India

Mayapur was chilly in the evening, but Srila Prabhupada

never complained. He complained, though, about the unneces-
92 What is the Difficulty?

sary talk between his disciples. Since we all stayed in the same
room, Srila Prabhupada heard us talking.
“Tell them to be quiet,” he told me. “All this talk is not
good. Simply they are gossiping. Tell them to stop.”
This was not easy for me to do since the devotees were
usually my senior god-brothers. I told them Prabhupada had
asked that they be quiet. This same scenario occurred months
later when we stayed in the guesthouse. In 1973, Mayapur was
such a quiet place that Srila Prabhupada could hear any talk-
ing. Whenever he was at any ISKCON temple, many of his
disciples would gather. It was a perfect situation for devotees
to exchange stories about this person and that person.
“Why must everything deteriorate into this idle talk, idle
discussion,” Srila Prabhupada said. “This is wasting time, de-
stroying Krishna Consciousness.”
I always “watered it down” before relaying this to my god-
brothers. I didn’t have the nerve to tell them as Prabhupada
had told me. I never heard him mention it to my god-brothers
anyone when they were in his room, but he definitely let me
know about it!
This was one of Srila Prabhupada’s great qualities. He was
very careful not to discourage anyone through criticism. If they
were capable of dealing with it then he would chastise them.
Otherwise, he was the greatest transcendental diplomat. His
only goal was to infect as many people as possible with love of
Krishna and if you had the chance to personally associate with
him then there was a strong possibility of becoming deeply at-
tached to him, no matter how hard you fought it.
Twice Around the World 93

2   59 2
“This music is very nice,”
March 25, 1973 Air India to Mumbai from Hyderabad

Srila Prabhupada’s actions were ever fresh. After eight

months of being his personal servant, I thought I had a good
understanding of how to act and what to say, in response to his
questions so I didn’t get into trouble. I considered that our re-
lationship was strictly spiritual master and servant. Over time,
though, it became apparent that Srila Prabhupada wanted me
to speak freely and honestly, when he asked a question. He was
very kind. I never felt he “put me on trial.”
One day as Srila Prabhupada and I entered an aeroplane on
Air India, Indian classical music was being played over the in-
tercom. We walked to our seats. As always, Srila Prabhupada
took the seat by the window and I sat down beside him. The
music continued.
“Do you like this music?” he asked smiling.
I stared at him with an empty glance thinking, “How can I
tell him I like this music. Sure, it sounds nice, but there is no
chanting of the Lord’s names going on. It is only instruments
playing. That can’t be Krishna Conscious.” Speculating fear-
fully, I missed my opportunity to be intimate with my loving
spiritual master and said nothing.
“This music is very nice,” Srila Prabhupada mercifully said.
“Yes, Srila Prabhupada,” I answered with relief. “It is nice.”
I felt like a cheater unable to be honest. I was so concerned
about the outcome of my answer; I forgot that Srila Prabhu-
pada was a person with likes and dislikes. He heard the music
and remembered Krishna. I heard the music, calculated it was
maya, and wondered how to answer in a Krishna conscious
way.
94 What is the Difficulty?

2   60 2
“I call it Saint Hellish…”
April 2, 1973 Train from Zurich to San Moritz, Switzer-
land

While in Mumbai, a senior disciple showed Srila Prabhu-

pada an appealing post- card of Saint Moritz with its colourful
wild flowers and rolling green meadows. It was beautiful. One
devotee suggested to Srila Prabhupada to stop and rest there
during his long trip from Mumbai to New York. Srila Prabhu-
pada had been travelling quite briskly, spending no more than
six or seven days in each location. Stopping in Saint Moritz
appeared to be a gallant proposal.
Another motive to disembark at Saint Moritz, however, was
gold speculation. A few senior men were thinking of fortifying
ISKCON’s reserves by investing in gold before the price was
deregulated. Zurich was the best place to invest in gold bul-
lion. Srila Prabhupada nipped the idea in the bud.
From Zurich Airport, Srila Prabhupada, a young brahmacari
named Jai Hari, and I boarded a luxury train headed for San
Moritz. The train ride through the Alps was magnificent. Fol-
lowing the contour of the snow-covered mountains, the train
circled continuously in different directions. The awe-inspiring
scenery had the full attention of Jai Hari and me. Srila Prab-
hupada quietly chanted as we pointed out the different sce-
nic views to each other, completely oblivious to our Spiritual
Guide sitting beside us.
“What do they call this place?” Srila Prabhupada calmly
asked breaking our meditation.
“San Moritz, Srila Prabhupada, Saint Moritz!” I quickly said
feeling delighted with the opportunity to answer such a simple
question.
“They may call it Saint Moritz,” Srila Prabhupada respond-
Twice Around the World 95

ed. “I call it Saint Hellish. This place is hellish. Look out there.
There is no life anywhere, simply branches of trees and snow.
There is not a living thing for miles.”
Srila Prabhupada had effectively turned our illusion into an
opportunity to instruct two of his fledgling disciples. Jai Hari
and I spent the rest of the journey with our heads down, qui-
etly chanting and hearing the transcendental sound vibration
of the Maha Mantra, just as Srila Prabhupada desired. Being
with Srila Prabhupada was the most fortunate position. Just by
following his example, we knew we were rightly situated.
When we asked him a question, the answer we received was
the absolute truth. He regularly pacified thousands of disciples,
answering their questions, alleviating their fears and engaging
them in Krishna’s service.

Srila Prabhupada, please free me from my attachment

to the mountains of maya so that I can hear your kind
and gentle instructions.
Jai Srila Prabhupada!

2   61 2
“Ooohhh, this is much too cold!”
April 3, 1973 Saint Moritz, Switzerland

The San Moritz we arrived at was much different from

what we saw in the postcard. The beginning of April was still
wintertime here. It was clear why it was such a popular ski
resort. Snow lay on the ground as far as the eye could see.
The hotel had a central lobby with an elevator and our lodging
was a spacious three-bedroom condominium, complete with a
kitchen. The large living- room had sliding glass doors lead-
96 What is the Difficulty?

ing to a verandah with a fantastic view of the snow-covered

mountains. By the standards of many it was breathtaking, but
not to Srila Prabhupada.
Srila Prabhupada was very regulated. It never mattered where
we were. His life continued like clockwork and his schedule
remained constant.
The first morning there, Srila Prabhupada put on his warm
saffron-hooded coat and prepared for his morning walk.
“We will go for a walk,” he said. “Shall we see how cold it
is?”
Since we were on the ground floor, His Divine Grace opened
the sliding glass door to walk onto the verandah, which led to
the great outdoors. Suddenly a whistling blast of ice-cold air
filled the entire condominium. It was blizzard-like.
“Ooohhh, this is much too cold!” Srila Prabhupada ex-
claimed with his eyes opened wide.
Whenever I witnessed these childlike expressions, my heart
melted with joy. Srila Prabhupada exuded the innocence of a
child. While most disciples experienced his powerful, deter-
mined preaching, I felt fortunate to see Srila Prabhupada’s face
light up with endearing, intimate expressions.
“We will walk in the hallway inside the building,” he said.
A little arctic blast wasn’t going to interfere with Srila Prab-
hupada’s morning walk. So, His Divine Grace, Pradyumna and
I headed for the hallway. This, however presented a different
set of problems. The resort was designed to operate with very
little energy waste. When the hall sensors detected someone’s
presence, the lights would turn on for a set amount of time and
quickly turn off again. As we walked up and down the corri-
dor, we were required to push various buttons along the way
to keep the lights from going out. Otherwise, we would have
been walking in the dark.
Pradyumna eventually went back into the apartment. Srila
Prabhupada and I continued to walk up and down the hallway.
Twice Around the World 97

I ran from button to button pushing and chanting, pushing

and chanting. This went on for about half an hour.
“The cold weather has given me an appetite,” Srila Prabhu-
pada then said. “You can go in and make me some halava.”
“All right, Srila Prabhupada,” I replied still concerned about
the button pushing. “Do you want me to wait until after your
walk or should I go now?”
Srila Prabhupada humourously retorted, “No, I will walk.
You can go make the halava.”
We always loved when Srila Prabhupada had an appetite. It
was a joy to cook for him. When I went in, I said to the others,
“Srila Prabhupada is still walking in the hall. Someone needs to
go out and push the buttons to keep the lights on for him.”
We all peeked out the door to see Srila Prabhupada chant-
ing, walking and pushing the buttons to keep the lights on. It
was quite humourous.
One of my many enjoyable tasks was cooking for Srila Pra-
bhupada. The more he ate, the happier we were. Our other
most enjoyable activity was watching Srila Prabhupada as he
did anything. It was always an education for us. As it says in
Bhagavad gita, how does the devotee walk, how does he act...
Being with Srila Prabhupada gave us first-hand experience of
how a person from the spiritual world lived every moment. He
never disappointed us.
Jai Srila Prabhupada!

2   62 2
“So now it takes two hands to tell time…”
April 4, 1973 Zurich, Switzerland

While spending two days in a land famous for its quality

98 What is the Difficulty?

timepieces, Syamasundara presented Srila Prabhupada with a

digital watch, the latest in wristwatch technology. It looked
very modern. Its round face was completely black except for
a few seconds when a small button was pressed and the time
appeared in red. It was quite innovative. Srila Prabhupada un-
emotionally put on the watch and his secretary showed him
how to use it. He explained that to view the time, you must
press the button on the side of the watch with your right hand
and then you can see the time. It did not take long for Srila
Prabhupada to make his evaluation of the latest technology.
“So, now it takes two hands to tell the time instead of one,”
he said.
Srila Prabhupada was always practical. He wasn’t impressed
by so-called advancement of science and technology. Some-
times he would walk outside in the early morning. He would
look up into the sky and seeing the moon and say, “Today is
Ekadasi.”
He would eagerly use any innovation that helped him in
his translation work. It was a term we learned soon after we
moved into a temple. As he states in S.B. 4.29.56. One should
not be attached to material opulence, but material opulence
may be accepted in the Krishna consciousness movement to
facilitate the propagation of the movement. In other words,
material opulence may be accepted as yukta-vairagya, that is,
for renunciation. Srila Prabhupada was not attached to any
material facility but he was completely attached to serving his
Spiritual master and Krishna.
Twice Around the World 99

2   63 2
“Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna…”
April 4, 1973 Zurich, Switzerland

After leaving San Moritz, we spent one day in an exclusive

hotel overlooking the River Rhine in Zurich. Srila Prabhupada
had a room and his entourage stayed together in the room next
door. They were not adjoining rooms, however. When it was
time for his massage, I had to go into his room to change my
clothes to avoid walking in the hallway in my gamcha. One day
when I finished giving him a massage, I inadvertently left my
bead bag in his room.
They were not the japa beads Srila Prabhupada had chanted
on at my initiation two years earlier. Unfortunately, I lost them
in New Vrndavana. I had considered asking Srila Prabhupada
to chant on another set of beads for me but I didn’t want to ad-
mit how careless I had been. My bead bag was prasadam given
to me by His Divine Grace. When I returned to Srila Prabhu-
pada’s room, I noticed, to my delight, his hand in my bead bag.
For the next half hour, I joyfully watched as he chanted on my
beads. Again, Srila Prabhupada fulfilled my desire without me
asking. I waited until he put my bead bag down and took my
newly sanctified beads to our quarters. Elated, I bragged to the
others how a miracle had just taken place.

Srila Prabhupada, you always knew my desires and

showed me such kindness. I never saw you chant on
any Japa beads but your own. That day you sat there
peacefully chanting round after round on my beads. It
brought me so much happiness. You stated that your
happiness was seeing your disciples developing their love
for Krishna. I pray to one day bring you happiness.
100 What is the Difficulty?

2   64 2
“Bring me some 7-Up.”
April 5, 1973 Pan American Flight, London to New York

Since Srila Prabhupada was transcendental and com-

pletely free to do as he pleased, flying with him was a thrilling
experience. I never knew what to expect. This particular day
was no exception.
Srila Prabhupada sat in a window seat near the back of the
aeroplane. Syamasundara and I were seated next to him. As
was the custom on the transcontinental flights, the flight at-
tendants frequently offered refreshments to passengers to
avoid the dehydrating effects of recycled air. A flight attendant
walked up the aisle with a tray of drinks in clear plastic cups
and offered them to the passengers.
“What is that?” Srila Prabhupada asked me as she ap-
proached our seats.
“Oh, that’s 7-Up, Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “Would you like
some?”
“Yes. Let me try it,” he replied.
I immediately requested three cups for all of us. Syamasun-
dara and I waited for Srila Prabhupada to take the first sip. We
wanted to be certain the 7-Up would be prasadam. We watched
carefully as he put the cup to his lotus-like mouth. He drank
some and put the cup down on the table.
“Ah! This is very refreshing,” he said.
We finished our drinks within minutes.
During that flight, we had 7-Up three or four times. Each
time Srila Prabhupada drank one he said, “Ah, very refreshing.
This is very good.”
One time the flight attendant put the can down on the table
along with the cups filled with ice. Srila Prabhupada picked up
the can and asked, “What are the ingredients?”
Twice Around the World 101

“Water, sugar, citric acid, natural lemon-lime oil,” he read.

“Oh! This is all right. This is very good. It is all natural ingre-
dients.”
Srila Prabhupada was marvellous. He could have been doing
a commercial for the soda. He was very enthusiastic about his
discovery. I excitedly watched him enjoy each moment.
After arriving at the temple, one of the devotees asked if
there was anything Srila Prabhupada needed. I couldn’t think
of anything. That was a problem for me. Once, Srila Prabhupa-
da said, “Srutakirti has no imagination.” It was true. I couldn’t
imagine what the devotee could get for my beloved spiritual
master. The devotee was determined to offer something to
him.
“Well, he likes 7-Up,” I finally said. “You could get that for
him.”
I convinced him it was a good idea. That day the devotee
brought a case of 7-Up and I stored it in Srila Prabhupada’s
kitchen.
I must confess, for the first few days, I was hesitant and nev-
er offered the 7-Up to Srila Prabhupada. I began drinking it
because I was afraid to offer it to him. I couldn’t think of the
right moment, because as Srila Prabhupada had said, I had no
imagination. Finally, the occasion arose.
One evening, a temple president arrived from out of town to
see Srila Prabhupada. While His Divine Grace was in his sit-
ting room speaking with this disciple, Srila Prabhupada rang
his bell. I started toward Srila Prabhupada’s sitting room when
this devotee stopped me in the hall.
“Srila Prabhupada wants some water,” he said.
“OK,” I replied, but continued to walk toward Guru Maha-
raja’s room.
“Srila Prabhupada wants water!” the flustered temple presi-
dent loudly reiterated. Annoyed, I tried to keep my compo-
sure and replied, “Please wait. I want to ask His Divine Grace
102 What is the Difficulty?

something.”
Apparently, this disciple was trying to have a private conver-
sation with Srila Prabhupada and I was interrupting. Lacking
sensitivity and imagination I didn’t immediately understand
his needs, so I made my way into Srila Prabhupada’s sitting
room and offered my obeisances.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “Would you like some 7-Up?”
“Oh yes!” he replied smiling. “Bring me some 7-Up.”
I raced back to the kitchen and filled a silver goblet with 7-
Up and ice. Hurrying back to his sitting room, I placed the 7-
Up on his desk in front of him and offered my obeisances. Srila
Prabhupada sat back on his asana and sipped the drink.
“This is very refreshing,” he said.
He got up from his asana and walked around the room en-
joying his 7-Up. I remained in the room, blissfully watching
my spiritual master relish the cold drink. My god-brother was
surprised by the entire affair and anxious for me to leave the
room. After Srila Prabhupada finished his 7-Up, I took the
empty cup, offered my obeisances and happily left his room. I
felt I had pleased my Guru Maharaja by this simple act, in spite
of inadvertently annoying my god-brother.

Srila Prabhupada, I am forever blessed by your

causeless mercy. Thank you for the opportunity
to witness your playful pastimes. Observing your
confidential lila allowed me a tiny glimpse of your
association with the Supreme Lord. Your beloved
childlike nature contrasted sharply with your lion-
like acarya profile. For pushing on Lord Caitanya’s
movement, you forcefully did the needful. As a pure
devotee of the Lord, you have no attachment to the fame
and adoration that was constantly bestowed upon you.
For this reason, you are worthy of it.
Twice Around the World 103

2   65 2
“Drinking 7-Up is not necessary.”
April 8, 1973 ISKCON Brooklyn, New York

At this time, Bali Mardan had been talking about getting a

new temple facility in New York City, so he invited Srila Pra-
bhupada to look at a possible location. The sun was brightly
shining as Bali Mardan, Kirtiraja and I followed Srila Prabhu-
pada into a small Toyota. Bali Mardan drove for a while until
he finally stopped across the street from a large, beautiful ca-
thedral.
“This is the possible temple I told you about, Srila Prabhu-
pada,” Bali Mardan said. “We can’t go in because it may not be
beneficial if they know we are Hare Krishna’s. We can look at
it from here.”
We all got out of the car and looked at this immense cathe-
dral from across the street. The structure was stately and beau-
tiful. Fortunately, the front doors of the church were open and
we could see inside. Srila Prabhupada seemed very impressed
with the facility. He could see the huge marble pillars inside.
“This will make a very nice ISKCON hall,” he said. “This is
beautiful.”
As we stood on the side walk, Srila Prabhupada turned
around and saw a small Italian grocery.
“Do you think they have 7-Up?” he asked Kirtiraja.
“Well, I can see if they do, Srila Prabhupada,” Kirtiraja said,
with a shocked look. ”Do you want one?”
“Yes, I would like a 7-Up,” Srila Prabhupada said.
Kirtiraja went into the store and quickly returned with a
can of 7-Up. Srila Prabhupada regally stood with cane in hand
and japa bag around his neck. He looked especially transcen-
dental.
Kirtiraja opened the can and Srila Prabhupada took it with
104 What is the Difficulty?

his right hand. His cane was in his left hand, securely planted
on the concrete side walk. He lifted the can to his lotus-like
lips and sipped the 7-Up. I was in ecstasy watching the next
episode of the “7-Up saga.” We could not contain our joyful
smiles seeing our Guru Maharaja’s aristocratic simplicity as he
drank about half the can.
“All right. Now we will go,” he said.
After we all got into the car, Srila Prabhupada handed
the can to Bali Mardan and said, “I’ve had enough. You can
drink.”
The three of us blissfully passed around the maha-remnants
until we finished the can of soda. The ride back to the temple
was light-hearted and carefree.
I tried not to spread the news, realizing it could create a
7-Up frenzy. A week later, when we arrived in Los Angeles it
was apparent that the news had already reached the New Dvar-
aka community. Karandhara informed Srila Prabhupada that
7-Up aided in relieving gastro-intestinal digestive discomfort.
Srila Prabhupada occasionally drank a small glass to relieve his
stomach pain.
“This is not good,” he said one day. “We should not be drink-
ing so much 7-Up. I take it for digestion. Otherwise, drinking
7-Up is not necessary.”
When we returned to India, many devotees were avidly
drinking soda since they had heard that Srila Prabhupada con-
doned such beverages. One day, as Srila Prabhupada left his
flat in Juhu, he noticed the stairway lined with 7-Up and Limca
bottles. Disapproving of the juta (contaminated) litter he de-
clared,
“What is this?” he said, disapproving of the juta (contami-
nated) litter. ”This should not be done! This is not good! This
can’t be done!”
He continued walking to the temple and did not mention it
further.
Twice Around the World 105

Srila Prabhupada, I never saw you do anything for your own

sense gratification. It is my feeling that you engaged in these
unique pastimes just to increase the love of your disciples who
were fortunate enough to be with you. You were completely
renounced and totally satisfied serving the Supreme Lord. The
vision of you on the side walk is forever etched upon my heart
Thank you for teaching us how to use everything in Krishna’s
service.

2  66 2
“They are in maya, sleeping”
April 13, 1973 New York to Los Angeles, California

During one short flight from New York, many devotees

arranged for seats in the same row as Srila Prabhupada. As Sri-
la Prabhupada’s personal servant, I was fortunate to be seated
next to him. As the flight progressed, some of his disciples
began to fall asleep and do, what I called, “the devotee dive-
bomb.”
It was quite a sight seeing a row of shaven heads bobbing up
and down. Prabhupada was not amused.
“Just see,” he said. “Everyone is wide awake except for the
devotees. They are in maya, sleeping. Everyone else is awake.
Why they cannot stay awake.”
Usually when Srila Prabhupada addressed me in this way I
became silent. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing and pos-
sibly disturbing him further. I simply sat in silence and waited
for him to stop. This was one such instance.
During my stay with Srila Prabhupada, I learned there was
no such thing as a good reason. There wasn’t a point you could
make that Prabhupada couldn’t defeat, and I was not advanced
enough to have him start chastising me on a regular basis.
106 What is the Difficulty?

Therefore, I didn’t even try to argue that the devotees only

slept a few hours compared to the non-devotees. Prabhupada
spent a few more minutes making his point. One thing was
certain; I did not sleep on that flight.
Srila Prabhupada often talked about reducing our eating and
sleeping but he was always practical. He told us to use our
common sense, and never encouraged us to fast except on pre-
scribed days such as Ekadasi or Appearance days of the Lord
and his pure devotees. He never objected to our getting suffi-
cient sleep but he didn’t like to see us sleeping during the day.
He wanted us to rise early in the morning and he always set the
example. He showed us practically how to be a devotee.

2 67 2

“This is what love means - to do service.”

April 13, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Certain service was especially ecstatic. Walking behind His

Divine Grace as he left the aeroplane and entered the termi-
nal building was one of the most amazing experiences. At this
time, it had been eight months since Srila Prabhupada was in
the United States. It was wonderful the way he prepared him-
self for his grand entrance. After the seat belt sign went on
instructing the passengers to stay seated, he usually got out of
his seat, went to the bathroom and put on tilak. I accompanied
him, waiting outside the bathroom door. The walk to and from
our seats could be exciting if the plane rocked about due to
turbulence or lumbered in for a landing. If an attendant tried
to stop him, he ignored her request, as if he didn’t hear her. As
he returned to his seat, he carefully hung his bead bag around
his neck. When the plane landed, he put a flower garland on.
Twice Around the World 107

If there were other garlands, he gave one to each person in his

party.
As he left the plane and entered the corridor, chanting could
be heard in the background. It grew louder and louder as we
entered the lounge. Srila Prabhupada’s smile grew larger as he
approached his loving disciples. On this day, there were sever-
al hundred devotees in the airport as Srila Prabhupada walked
into the terminal. They were oblivious to everyone and every-
thing going on around them, except for their glorious spiritual
master. I have no qualification to describe the feelings of my
god-brothers and god-sisters, as I have never been fortunate
enough to have such strong loving emotions for Srila Prabhu-
pada. It was obvious to everyone in the airport that devotees
were feeling transcendental bliss. The loving reciprocation be-
tween Srila Prabhupada and his disciples was the easiest to see
in his “airport lila.” For several minutes, it seemed that no-
one’s feet touched the ground. Torrents of ecstatic tears flowed
freely from everyone except for one fallen soul, me.
We arrived in New Dvaraka and entered Srila Prabhupada’s
quarters at about noon. I immediately prepared for his mas-
sage. During the massage, my mind was very disturbed. I could
not free myself from the pain of thinking that everyone had
such love for their guru except for me. I was a cheater, an im-
postor. I finally got the courage to speak while massaging Srila
Prabhupada’s back. This way, I didn’t have to speak to him face
to face.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said. All of your disciples have so
much love for you. It makes me feel so bad. I lack this intense
love. When I’m with you at the airport, I can see everyone
dancing, chanting and crying. I have so much association with
you, yet I don’t feel this overwhelming love like they do.”
I hoped he would say something to relieve my mind. He
remained silent. Tormented, I finished his massage and went
back to my room to finish preparing his lunch. After he chant-
108 What is the Difficulty?

ed Gayatri mantra, he called me into his room. As I entered,

I offered my obeisances and looked up with great concern be-
cause he had such a serious look on his face.
“So, do you like serving me?” he asked.
“Oh, yes, Prabhupada,” I said. “I like serving you very
much.”
“Then, that is love,” he explained. “Everyone can do so
many things . . . singing, dancing, and jumping up and down.
But, you are actually doing something. Isn’t this love?”
“I guess so, Srila Prabhupada,” I said.
“So, you just do your service,” he continued. “That is all that
is necessary. This is what love means. To do service.”

My dear Srila Prabhupada, out of compassion for

this fallen soul, you have encouraged me over the years
even though I have been unable to grant you residence
in my heart. I see now, as I saw then, that so many of
your disciples have such great love for you and I have
none. Despite this, you allow me the intimate service
of describing your amazing grace upon this ungrateful
wretch. It is ironic that out of all of your disciples you
have selected me, a dried-out toad, to describe your
nectarean lila. This is just another display of your
causeless mercy. Thank you so much for your kind
words. I pray that some day I will be qualified to taste
a drop of love of Godhead so that I can sing, dance and
chant like your devoted disciples.
Twice Around the World 109

2 68 2

“I want to translate books.”

April 14, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

His Divine Grace spoke many times about retiring from

managerial duties to concentrate on translating the scriptures
for humanity at large. My first experience was as follows:
One morning at about 9:00, Srila Prabhupada called me into
his room and told me to call Karandhara. This happened often
while we were in New Dvaraka. Srila Prabhupada had great
faith in Karandhara’s abilities. He even praised Karandhara for
fixing the concrete stairs that led to Srila Prabhupada’s gar-
den.
“Karandhara can do anything,” Srila Prabhupada comment-
ed, pointing to the stairs.
If any problem arose while we were in Los Angeles, Srila
Prabhupada called for Karandhara to solve it.
When Karandhara arrived in Srila Prabhupada’s room, His
Divine Grace stunned him by saying, “I don’t want to be in-
volved in management so much. I want to translate books.”
“Yes,” Karandhara enthusiastically replied. “I can do all of
your secretarial work from here and you can stay here to trans-
late. We’ll keep everything very nice for you. Yes! We’ll do it
immediately,”
Srila Prabhupada said. “I want to have no business. No
more business. No more management. You handle all of my
affairs for me.”
Karandhara left the room, ready to organize ISKCON from
his office on Watseka Avenue.
“This is amazing,” I thought. “Prabhupada is going to let
the Governing Body Commission (GBC) run the society.”
110 What is the Difficulty?

New Dvaraka was perfect for such an arrangement. It had

all facility for Srila Prabhupada, including the garden, which
was his “favourite place.” He could have stayed there for years
and translated all day if he wanted.
About one hour later, Srila Prabhupada again rang his bell.
I entered Srila Prabhupada’s quarters and offered my obeisanc-
es, but before I raised my head from the floor he said, “Call
Karandhara.”
Karandhara soon entered the room and offered his obeisanc-
es. As he did, Srila Prabhupada noticed a letter in Karandhara’s
kurta pocket. Srila Prabhupada’s eyes grew large.
“What is that?” He asked.
“Oh, it is a letter for you, Srila Prabhupada,” Karandhara
replied.
“Open it,” Srila Prabhupada instructed.
Karandhara opened the letter and read it to Srila Prabhupa-
da. It was a typical letter from a senior disciple who managed
one of ISKCON’s temples. Srila Prabhupada intently listened
and then dictated a reply.
Srila Prabhupada’s retirement lasted a little over an hour. It
was the first retirement I had experienced, but certainly not the
last. Srila Prabhupada relished translating Srimad-Bhagavatam
for us. He also relished teaching his children how to walk on
the spiritual path. His patience was endless. On a daily basis,
he picked us up as we stumbled, and encouraged us to try to
walk again. No matter how much he dreamed of retirement, he
would not leave us until we were able to walk on our own. The
time has come for us to walk. It is difficult without you here,
answering our letters and overseeing our big meetings.

The urgency of your translating books for future

generations is more apparent as each year goes by. You
always knew you would only be with us for such a short
time but your words live with us forever. For me your
Twice Around the World 111

leaving was much too soon. Because I am a neophyte, I

sit here and long for your personal association. Please
benedict me with your personal service life after life.
Jai Srila Prabhupada!

2 69 2
“Three Things Keep Me Alive”
April 15, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

One day while I was massaging Srila Prabhupada, rubbing

mustard oil on his back he said, “Three things keep me alive,
my morning walk, my massage and my Ayurvedic medicine.” I
had heard Srila Prabhupada mention this on a few occasions.
He was very regular in doing all three. Wherever he was in
the world, he would go on his morning walk, even the day af-
ter a twelve-hour flight. The next morning he would be walk-
ing with his followers as the sun was rising. It didn’t matter if
it was hot, cold or raining. His walk could be from one to two
hours in length and always at a brisk pace.
His morning massage was done regularly and around the
same time every day, just before noon. It would last between
one to two hours and it was an Ayurvedic type massage done
with sandalwood oil on his head and mustard oil on the rest
of his body. He said, “sandalwood oil helps keep a cool head
and the mustard oil is heating.” This type of massage is very
good for blood circulation. He liked it done with vigour. In the
evening before resting, he would take a dry massage, mainly
on his feet and legs for about ½ to 1 hour.
He took the same Ayurvedic medicine the entire time I was
with him from September of 1972 until July of 1975. It was a
tonic, called Yogendra ras. Some of the ingredients were gold
112 What is the Difficulty?

powder and crushed pearl in small quantities. It was made

into small balls, reddish in colour. When Srila Prabhupada
was away from India for some time, he would have it sent to
him along with the black cardamom seeds that it was mixed
with. He would only have his disciples purchase it from one
Ayurvedic pharmacy saying, “It is the only one I trust because
of the expensive ingredients. The others are all cheating.”
He would take this mixture every other morning before his
morning walk. I would prepare it while he was in the bath-
room around 5 a.m. I would drop the two small balls into a
black marble mortar and pestle, and then add the seeds of one
black cardamom and a dab of raw honey. After mixing it up
thoroughly I would place the mortar and pestle on his desk.
When he sat down he would take the pestle in his hand and
get as much of the tonic on it as possible and place it into his
mouth, licking off every bit After that he would pick up the
small mortar and with his tongue, lick every bit that was left.
Srila Prabhupada never, ever wasted anything and his medi-
cine was no exception.
Srila Prabhupada never spoke to me about following an Ay-
urvedic lifestyle by name, but it is very clear that he did. Get-
ting up before sunrise, taking cold bath and getting morning
sun during his walk are basic common sense principles in Ay-
urveda. He ate local fruits for breakfast with his milk or yogurt
and had his main meal while the sun was highest in the sky.
His lunch regularly consisted of rice Dahl, chapatis and a few
chaunced vegetable preparations. In the evening about two
hours before rest, he would have his very hot milk, with honey
and if he had good appetite some prasadam. Only occasionally
did he eat deep fried foods like puris and samosa etc. although
he liked them very much.
He was very in tune with his body and as soon as he no-
ticed some sign of ill health, he would make adjustments in
his eating and massage. He often asked for kichari for lunch at
Twice Around the World 113

this time. Kichari is well known for balancing all three doshas
in Ayurveda. In simple terms out of balance doshas, are the
cause of all disease in the body. Srila Prabhupada said, “disease
comes from three things; anxiety, uncleanliness and overeat-
ing. Overeating means eating more than you can digest. If you
can digest ten chapatis eat ten chapatis but if you can only
digest one then eat one.”
Another Ayurvedic principle is to eat alone. Srila Prabhupa-
da always did this. He had a very sweet way that he would get
everyone in the room to leave. When I would bring his meal in
and place it on the small low table on the floor, he would take
a piece of fruit and give one piece to each of the disciples who
were in the room at the time. Then he would give his head a
little tilt and say,” now you can go.” He then sat down in front
of his plate, meditating on the prasadam as he ate. He didn’t
use utensils or drink water during his meal. He always ate with
only his right hand and chewed his food very well.
He once laughingly said to me, “the best thing for health is
to cook for yourself, that way no matter how hellish it tastes
you will like it because you made it.” Although it was humour-
ously said, it is also one of the important principles in diges-
tion. If you don’t like what you are eating, you will not digest
it properly.

Thank you Srila Prabhupada, for showing me how

to live every moment of my life. You revealed the most
important of all rules; to offer all that we do and eat
to the Supreme Lord Krishna. Everything you did was
perfect and your whole life was exemplary. You are the
Acarya for all of us. You instructed us, by your example
how to do everything, from the time we got up until we
took rest. You even showed us how to rest. As you would
so often say, “Krishna consciousness is common sense.”
Thank you for bestowing us with common sense.
114 What is the Difficulty?

2 70 2
“You have no business going to mangala arati,”
April 17, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

I made a few devotee friends while staying with Srila Pra-

bhupada in New Dvaraka. One morning, I decided to go to
mangala arati to see them. While I was there, Pradyumna came
into the temple room and said, “Srila Prabhupada has been
ringing his bell. He wants to see you now.”
I immediately left the temple room and raced into his room.
I offered my obeisances and as I lifted my head I said, “Did you
want me, Srila Prabhupada?”
“You have no business going to mangala arati,” he said in an
angry mood. “Your service is to be with me 24 hours a day. If I
need you, you should be available.”
I apologized and said I would never do it again.
Even before going to arati I knew it wasn’t the right thing
to do. I had been restless, and thought that no one could fault
me for attending mangala arati. I figured that Srila Prabhupada
usually didn’t call me so early in the morning. Of course, I
should have remembered that he always knew what I was do-
ing, so if I did go to arati he would certainly call me. I was the
only person in ISKCON who had a reason not to go to mangala
arati. For me, attending arati was a sign that I was in maya.

It felt wonderful walking into your room that early

morning. I knew I was going to be chastised for attending
mangala arati. It confirmed everything I had learned
from you. Krishna Consciousness was common sense.
It was practical. It wasn’t a ritual we performed and
couldn’t explain why we did it. Everything we did had a
purpose. It was a science. We weren’t blindly following
rules and regulations. You were teaching us how to
Twice Around the World 115

use our intelligence, how to be honest with ourselves

and honest with you. Thank you Srila Prabhupada, for
showing me how to perform devotional service.

2 71 2
“Just by reading this one book you can become
Krishna Conscious.”
April 21, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Entering Srila Prabhupada’s quarters was always an en-

lightening experience. Sometimes Srila Prabhupada sat and
read his books. Whenever he read, it seemed as if someone
else had written his books because he didn’t read with the
mind of an author looking for editing mistakes or grammatical
errors. He read them with the relish of a pure devotee reading
the pastimes of the Supreme Lord to whom he was completely
attached.
One day, I went into Srila Prabhupada’s room to perform my
duties. He was reading Bhagavad-Gita As It Is. After offering
my obeisances, he looked at me and said, “If you just read this
one book and understand, you will become Krishna Conscious
in this very life.”
A few months later when I went into his room, he was read-
ing Nectar of Devotion. He looked at me and said, “This book
is so nice. Just by reading this one book you can become Krish-
na Conscious.”
Srila Prabhupada taught us by his example. He did every-
thing that he asked of us. He requested us to read his books, so
he read them, too.
116 What is the Difficulty?

2 72 2
“He deserves the $300 for taxing his brain so
much”
April 26, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Since we’ve come back to Los Angeles, Srila Prabhupada

has come into my room a few times and shown me how to
cook some new preparations. The way he comes in, sits down
on the floor and directs the activity is very endearing.
The other day, Jayatirtha gave Srila Prabhupada a desk clock
that tells the time in any city in the world with a turn of the
dial. Prabhupada was quite pleased with it and said the man
who invented it deserved the $300 it cost for taxing his brain
so much.
At this moment, there is a famous designer upstairs. He is
the man who designs clothes for millionaires all over the world,
and he wants to outfit Prabhupada with an entire wardrobe of
clothing. I can’t imagine what he can do to make a kurta and
dhoti different and still have Srila Prabhupada wear them.
He never did make an outfit for Srila Prabhupada. Of course,
Srila Prabhupada wasn’t into the latest fashion. Srila Prabhu-
pada was a sannyasi and he adhered strictly to his vows. He
would not even allow his sister to be in the room alone with
him, telling me that I should sit in the room with them when
they talked. Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for always setting
the perfect example throughout your life. You always did what
was right because your desire was always to serve Krishna.
Twice Around the World 117

2 73 2
“Yes, of course” (to dance in ecstasy)
April 26, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

It was here that Brahmananda Maharaja and I introduced

the Bengali style of dancing to Srila Prabhupada’s American
disciples. We had learned it at the Mayapur festival just weeks
before. It started very simply. The two of us were standing on
front of Srila Prabhupada’s Vyasasana facing each other as the
kirtan was going on. It was the arrival kirtan in New Dvaraka
and everyone was in ecstasy. Hundreds of us were all standing
in place dancing back and forth, doing the ‘Swami step’. Brah-
mananda and I kept looking at each other as we danced in the
kirtan. Without saying a word, we began to move towards Sri
Sri Rukmini Dvarakadisa, moving about ten feet forward and
then back towards Srila Prabhupada on the Vyasasana. It wasn’t
easy to do at first because no one else was moving with us, but
there was always a space in the centre so that Srila Prabhupada
could see the Deities. Using that area we began dancing enthu-
siastically going back and forth as the kirtan progressed.
Within minutes, everyone in the temple room followed.
Hundreds of us were moving back and forth towards Srila
Prabhupada and then away again. He sat there watching all
his children dancing wildly as he played kartals and encour-
aged us by the nod of his head. Many of the devotees loved it
and Srila Prabhupada was smiling as he watched the devotees
dance before him.
Afterwards some devotees said they thought that this new
kind of dancing wasn’t bona-fide. There was some controversy
about this new dance form way because some of the devo-
tees thought it strange and out of place in the temple room.
Pradyumna asked Srila Prabhupada if it was alright to dance
in that way. “Yes, of course!” Srila Prabhupada replied. “It is
118 What is the Difficulty?

very nice.”
Srila Prabhupada loved to see his disciples chant “Hare
Krishna” and dance in ecstasy. It was how he started the In-
ternational Society for Krishna Consciousness. Sometimes he
would tell us the only thing we needed to do was chant the
Hare Krishna mantra. Then he added, “I have given you so
many other engagements, because you Westerners are so rest-
less that you can’t sit in one place and chant.”

Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for giving me a reason

to chant and dance. Dancing before you in kirtan was
the perfection of dancing. I will always remember
your smiling face as you watched your young children
chanting Hare Krishna. It gave you such pleasure to see
your thousands of followers all over the world becoming
first class Vaisnavas. Because you are in our lives, we
will always have reason to dance.
Jai Srila Prabhupada!

2 74 2
“Do you see that bug?”
April 29, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Srila Prabhupada was in New Dvaraka in the spring of

1973. Hearing His Divine Grace ring his bell, I immediately
went to his room and offered my obeisances. Pointing to the
floor near my legs, he looked at me with wide eyes and great
concern.
“Do you see that bug?” he asked. Looking around for a few
moments, I finally spotted a small insect. I nodded.
In a serious voice Srila Prabhupada said, “I have been watch-
Twice Around the World 119

ing that bug for some time now and he has not moved. I think
he is hungry. Get a prasadam flower and take him outside. Put
him on a plant so he can get some nourishment.”
I immediately did what my most merciful Guru Maharaja
asked and returned to the servant’s quarters. Neither of us
spoke of the bug again. It was another wonderful occasion in
which he revealed the indiscriminate mercy of a pure devotee.
His Divine Grace didn’t feel it was a waste of time to mitigate
the suffering of even the smallest of living entities. Now, just
seeing a small insect, I am forced to think of my beloved Srila
Prabhupada. However insignificant we may be, if we are for-
tunate to get the glance of the nitya-siddha, our life will be
immensely benefited.

2 75 2
“Ah, this is Krishna!”
April 30, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Often, after leaving the garden, Srila Prabhupada went

to his room and listened to the recording of that morning’s
Srimad-Bhagavatam class. Sometimes he had me pick star
jasmine flowers that grew on the bushes just outside his gar-
den. The flower’s scent was especially fragrant at night. One
evening while smelling a sprig of blossoms, he said, “Ah, this
is Krishna!”
I often brought jasmine to his bedroom in the evening. He
occasionally smelled them during his massage. He then kept
them on his pillow (close to his nose) all night. The following
morning, I would find the flowers gently lying on the pillow
exactly where they had been the night before. The flowers
were as fresh and fragrant as ever, looking as if they had just
been picked. His Divine Grace always showed us how Krishna
120 What is the Difficulty?

is in every part of this material creation.

These are the moments I remember so dearly. The simple,
amazing ways you revealed Krishna Consciousness to us. I wit-
nessed it every day. One can read so many books but still be
unable to taste the sweetness of how you exhibited your love
for Krishna. Due to my fallen nature, I am also unable to ex-
press it adequately.

2 76 2
“The morning sun gives you energy…”
April May 1, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Whenever it was sunny, Srila Prabhupada would take his

morning massage in the garden. He would sit with his back to
the sun. Sometimes, as I was rubbing the mustard oil in his
back he would say, “The morning sun gives you energy and
the afternoon sun takes it away,”
It was one of many simple, practical truths he told all of us,
who were listening. “Don’t eat more than you can digest. Rise
early and take cold bath. Be regulated”. The reason we do these
things is to keep the body healthy so we can perform our de-
votional service nicely. Srila Prabhupada set such a wonderful
example for all of us to follow. He will always lead us by his
instructions
Twice Around the World 121

2 77 2
“That’s all, take him out”
April May 3, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California
One sunny day, Srila Prabhupada decided to have his mas-
sage in his “favourite place,” the New Dvaraka garden. After I
placed the mat on the grass with sandalwood and mustard oil
alongside it, Srila Prabhupada sat down cross-legged.
While massaging Srila Prabhupada’s back, a kitten crawled
under the garden gate. Perhaps the kitten wanted to associate
with a pure devotee. This little, fuzzy thing started to lick Srila
Prabhupada’s back and affectionately rubbed his fur against
His Divine Grace. Much to my surprise Srila Prabhupada al-
lowed this to go on for a few minutes.
“That’s all, take him out,” Srila Prabhupada finally said.
Quickly, I grabbed the cat and put him over the fence.
Being very small and extremely determined to get more asso-
ciation with Srila Prabhupada, the kitten immediately crawled
under the gate again. Three times, he came in and three times,
I dropped him over the fence.
Finally, I found cinder blocks and placed them along the
bottom of the gate so the kitten could no longer sneak in to get
another taste of His Divine Grace. Being thwarted, he loudly
cried outside the gate for the duration of Srila Prabhupada’s
massage. Howling, he lamented his misfortune. I learned
something from that kitten. I should be that eager for the as-
sociation of the pure devotee.
A moment’s association with a pure devotee can change the
life of even a small animal. The kitten was obviously attracted
by the transcendental nature of Srila Prabhupada. He wanted
to bathe in Prabhupada’s nectar no matter what obstacles were
placed before him. I pray that someday I will be as determined
as that kitten to associate with my Guru Maharaja through his
loving service.
122 What is the Difficulty?

2 78 2
“Everything was the same except the culture.”
May 4, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Srila Prabhupada often described the differences between

Vedic civilization and western civilization. One day he was
walking around his room chanting Japa on his beads. He
looked out the window of his sitting room and saw a young
couple talking to each other.
He turned to me and said, “Boys and girls. Now a man, he
wants to do something. He sees some woman and says ‘I’ll get
that woman’. He’ll go up to her and say, ‘What are you doing?
Why don’t we go out?’
When we were young,” he continued, “the same desires
were there. The desires haven’t changed at all. We also had
desires like that. You see a girl. You become attracted. But the
culture was there. The culture was so strict you couldn’t even
look at her, what to speak of talking to her or making some
proposition. Everything was the same, except the culture.
Now, there is no culture. You just go up and say anything you
want. We had all these desires, talking like schoolchildren, but
you could never approach a woman. It was unheard of. You
wouldn’t consider it.”
Srila Prabhupada left Vrndavana Dhama and the Vedic cul-
ture to save us from our so-called advanced civilization. All
Glories to Srila Prabhupada!
He continued, “When I was young the culture was such that
if my mother was going to visit a friend across the street it was
required that they would send a carriage to pick her up at her
door and bring her to the door of the house where she was go-
ing. The culture was so strict. A woman would not walk across
the street unaccompanied.”
Twice Around the World 123

Srila Prabhupada you left your home at Radha

Damodara temple in Vrndavana Dhama, and Vedic
culture to save us from our so-called advanced
civilization. You came alone to a place with no culture,
on the order of your Spiritual Master and although you
repeatedly sent letters to others requesting they assist
you, no one responded favourably. It is only by your
endeavours that the entire world has been blessed with
the chanting of the Hare Krishna Maha mantra. One
who remains chaste to you and follows your instructions
is guaranteed success and will go ‘Back home, back to
Godhead.’

2 79 2
“Clean It Properly”
May 5, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Srila Prabhupada liked to travel with only what was nec-

essary. As he travelled around the world, I kept all of his be-
longings in one suitcase and had one small bag for my things.
His suitcase contained all that was necessary for every situa-
tion. Inside I kept his cooker, a rolling pin, a massage mat and
oils, three sets of clothes, a wool chaddar and two gamchas.
With all of these items, I was prepared for almost any situation
as we went from city to city around the world.
Wherever he went, there were devotees eager to clean Srila
Prabhupada’s laundry, especially in the west. They loved to
wash and iron his clothing. The only things that presented any
problem were his gamchas. At the time, I had two red check
ones that he used. Since he took oil massage every day they
could become very dark and stained over time unless they
were properly cleaned. It didn’t clean properly in the washing
124 What is the Difficulty?

machine. One time we were in New Dvaraka for several weeks.

The person who was cleaning the laundry put the soiled gam-
cha in with the other items but it never came out very clean.
Unfortunately, I didn’t notice. One day I handed it to Srila Pra-
bhupada just before massage. He took it into his hand, looked
at me and said, “Why isn’t this gamcha clean? You keep giving
me this dirty gamchas every day. Clean it properly.” I told him
I would take care of it.
That day, after his lunch, I took his gamcha into the bath-
room and put it in the sink. I filled it with hot water and a
handful of detergent and started beating it in the sink, just as
they would do along the Yamuna in Vrndavana. To my surprise
after five minutes, I noticed that it was red and white instead of
maroon and brown. I couldn’t believe it. It looked brand new. I
never realized it was so dirty. I rinsed it out and dried it in my
room. The next morning when it was time for massage, I hand-
ed it to Srila Prabhupada. He put it on and dropped his dhoti
to the floor. He then looked at me with a bright smile on his
face and said, “Oh! Who has cleaned this gamcha?” I smiled
and said, “I did it myself, Prabhupada’’. “Just see!” he said, “so
many days getting washed and it was never cleaned properly,
even in a big, big washing machine. You have done it once, by
hand, and now it is clean. Thank you. It is very good.”
I was so happy to do such a simple chore and see my Spir-
itual Master pleased. I could understand that to be successful
in spiritual life was very easy. A disciple only had to please his
Spiritual Master and Srila Prabhupada was the most compas-
sionate and merciful devotee of Lord Krishna and was very
easy to please.
It was only a few months earlier Srila Prabhupada had bless-
ed me with an opportunity to do some special service. Srila
Prabhupada was leaving India by way of Kolkata. He was going
to Melbourne, Australia. We had only one short stop in Bang-
kok to change planes. This flight was special. He travelled with
Twice Around the World 125

only his secretary, Bali Mardana Maharaja and me. Well, there
were two others in his entourage for this flight, Radha and
Krishna! They were 60-centimetre marble Deities that were to
be installed at the Melbourne temple. Bali carried Krishna and
I carried Radharani. They weren’t light. It was a pleasurable
service but it was a bit difficult managing the other items in-
cluding the baggage, the prasadam and seeing to the comfort of
His Divine Grace. We did find seats for Them during the flight
and we each sat next to our Deity the entire time.
I felt benedicted to have such an opportunity and although
it was difficult taking them on and off the plane and carrying
them through the airport, I never felt like it was a burden. In
fact, I felt blessed. Then I was given even more cause to be ec-
static. While we were on the last leg of the flight to Melbourne,
I was sitting next to Srila Prabhupada. He turned towards me
and had a big smile on his face. He then looked at me seriously
and said the most wonderful thing. “This difficult austerity is
very pleasing to Krishna. To make spiritual advancement one
has to simply satisfy Krishna. There are so many ways of satis-
fying Krishna and this is one of them. Krishna is very pleased
with your endeavours.”
I was speechless, smiled broadly, and finally said, “Thank
you, Prabhupada. It was such a pleasure to be with Srila Pra-
bhupada. As a neophyte devotee, we can go through so much
speculation trying to understand how to please Krishna and
the Spiritual Master. In one simple statement, he had taken
all of the mystery out of it. He so often said the Krishna Con-
sciousness was “common sense” and “What is the difficulty?”
Here he gave a practical example. At that moment I felt that it
was possible to go ‘Back home, back to Godhead’. By the mercy
of Srila Prabhupada, I only had to chant my rounds, follow the
principles and do some simple service for the Lord, accord-
ing to my abilities. It wasn’t complicated. Srila Prabhupada has
given us so many ways to please him, to put a smile on his face.
What is the difficulty?
126 What is the Difficulty?

2 80 2
“I am just sitting here and I am not having difficulty.”
May 6, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

One evening at about 5:00, I was lying down, half asleep,

on my mat in the servant’s quarters. I heard the bell ring. I
walked toward Srila Prabhupada’s sitting room trying to com-
pose myself. I realized that I was still affected by the mode of
ignorance. I entered Srila Prabhupada’s room and offered my
obeisances. I sat up hoping he wouldn’t notice my condition. I
was in worse shape than I realized. He was more conscious of
my illusion than I was. This statement may seem elementary,
but I had always thought that Srila Prabhupada had too many
other things to be concerned with than my Krishna Conscious-
ness.
He looked at me with great concern.
“So, why you are not chanting?” he asked.
I was really caught off guard. Srila Prabhupada was expert
at confronting someone when he least expected it. I didn’t
know what to say, so I said something stupid, but honest.
“Srila Prabhupada, I am having a difficult time,” I explained.
“It is hard sitting in my room all day chanting and reading.”
His reply was extraordinary.
“I am sitting here all day, also,” he said with a serious ex-
pression. “I simply go out once a day on a walk. The rest of
the day, I am just sitting here and I am not having any diffi-
culty.”
“I am not like you, Srila Prabhupada,” I quickly responded.
“You are like Haridas Thakura. I am not very transcendental.
I have to keep myself busy. Maybe I could do some typing for
you?”
Still looking very serious he said, “What are we going to
do?”
Twice Around the World 127

“Srila Prabhupada, I don’t know.”

“Call Karandhara,” he instructed.
As previously mentioned, Srila Prabhupada said these words
often when he was in Los Angeles because he had confidence
in Karandhara’s abilities. He was a “doer,” and he was also very
serious. Karandhara and I went into Srila Prabhupada’s room
together and offered our obeisances.
“Srutakirti is having trouble,” Srila Prabhupada told Kara-
ndhara. “He is not chanting. He says he needs something to
do to keep him busy. What shall we do?” Karandhara, looking
very intense as always, said, “We have to get him some engage-
ment, somehow.”
“Yes!” Srila Prabhupada said. “I have an idea. I am trans-
lating Srimad- Bhagavatam here in this room. So, I will start
translating the Caitanya-Caritamrta in the study. In this room
I have my Dictaphone and I will do Srimad-Bhagavatam and in
my study you can put another Dictaphone machine and I can
start translating Caitanya- Caritamrta.”
Looking at me he said, “So, you can type it. You can prepare
everything for editing. In this way, I will keep you busy and I
will keep Pradyumna busy with editing. Is that all right?”
“Yes, Srila Prabhupada,” I enthusiastically answered. “Thank
you.”
Karandhara and I set up the study so Srila Prabhupada could
begin work on the Sri Caitanya-Caritamrta.
Early the next morning Srila Prabhupada went into the
bathroom to get ready for his morning walk. I went into his
study and took the tape out of the machine. He had done
some translating. That morning I enthusiastically chanted my
rounds knowing that my spiritual master loved me more than
I could have imagined. Later in the day, I transcribed the tape.
There wasn’t much on it, but it was understandable because he
was still translating Srimad-Bhagavatam in the other room.
The next day I went into his study to get the tape and saw
128 What is the Difficulty?

that it hadn’t been used. He didn’t do any further translating

of Sri Caitanya-Caritamrta the rest of the time we were in Los
Angeles. That didn’t matter to me, though. He had lit a tiny
spark in me by caring so much.
Six months later, we were in his study in Los Angeles, where
he had previously done the first hour of translating Sri Cait-
anya-Caritamrta.
“You should become expert in Caitanya-Caritamrta and give
classes on it,” he told me.
I nodded and smiled, not knowing how it could ever hap-
pen.

Srila Prabhupada, I know that by your causeless

mercy anything is possible. If I could develop for you a
fraction of the love you have shown me, my life would
be successful. I pray that in some far distant life I will
be able to understand my relationship with you.

2 81 2
“When I was a householder...”
May 7, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Srila Prabhupada on Chanting Japa.

It was easy to understand that Srila Prabhupada enjoyed

chanting japa. He always stressed the importance of chanting
our 16 rounds. He once told me that as a householder, he
used a simple process for completing 16 rounds that we could
apply.
“When I was a householder,” he said, “I would chant four
rounds before each meal and four rounds before retiring in
the evening. In this way 16 rounds could be chanted without
Twice Around the World 129

difficulty.” He laughed and said, “If you don’t take prasadam

before chanting your four rounds then you will be sure to get
them chanted.”
In New Dvaraka, he told me, “In the evening, if I get tired,
I walk and chant. If you are tired, then walk and chant like I
do. Sometimes, if I am tired, I pace back and forth in the room.
Simply, in one room you can do everything. If you are tired,
you can stand up and chant, like I do.”
It was common to see Srila Prabhupada walk in his quar-
ters or sit in his rocking chair while he chanted rounds. In the
evening, he sometimes chanted rounds while I massaged him
in bed.
“There, I’m finished,” he would say.
One day I was in his sitting room in New Dvaraka cleaning
around his desk. He was sitting behind his desk chanting japa.
As he pulled down a counter bead, he looked at me with a
beautiful smile and said humourously, “There, I have finished
my 16 rounds. Now I can do any damn thing I want.”
Devotees often asked Srila Prabhupada about following cer-
tain rules in regards to Ekadasi or following Caturmasya.
“My disciples, they cannot even chant 16 rounds and fol-
low the principles,” he responded. “What is the use of these
other rules and regulations? First, just do these things. Do
the simple things that I ask you to do. Don’t concern yourself
with all these rituals. First, chant your 16 rounds and follow
the principles.”
One day a brahmacari entered Srila Prabhupada’s room and
told him he had fallen down with a woman. He suggested to
Srila Prabhupada that perhaps he should get married.
“Marriage. Why do you think marriage is going to solve your
difficulties?” Srila Prabhupada answered. “You should chant.
Just chant Hare Krishna. Chant your 16 rounds.”
Many times devotees went into Srila Prabhupada’s room
with a problem they were hoping would be solved by some
130 What is the Difficulty?

particular arrangement. His solution was always the same.

“Chant Hare Krishna, chant your 16 rounds.” He developed
the phrase, “Just do it!” long before Nike.
“If there is some difficulty, you chant loudly,” he told one
disciple. “If there is some agitation, chant out loud.”
One time it was brought to his attention that a senior dev-
otee was not attending mangala arati or chanting rounds, at
least with the other devotees.
“Do it to set the example for the other devotees,” Srila Pra-
bhupada said. “You, yourself are very advanced. You do not
need to attend mangala arati, but you should set the example
for those that require it.”

Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for being the Acarya.

You always taught by example. You chanted rounds.
You said three Gayatri mantras a day, rose early in
the morning and put tilak on your transcendental body.
You never asked any disciple to do something you were
not doing yourself. You always practised what you
preached. You showed us how a pure devotee conducts
himself. I have been in illusion since time immemorial,
but I pray that I am never deluded into thinking that this
process of devotional service is only for the neophyte.

2 82 2
“Why are you doing these things?”
May 8, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

While in New Dvaraka Srila Prabhupada wanted his lunch

prepared in my room, which was adjacent to his quarters. I was
pleased with how I set it up. The 8’ x 10’ room had everything I
needed, even though it was the room I stayed in day and night.
Twice Around the World 131

Karandhara arranged for a refrigerator to be installed. There

was a two-burner gas stove on the floor. I had made a shelf area
with two cinder blocks and a 4’-long, 1” x 10” board. There
was no running water, so I kept a supply in a plastic bucket.
Srila Prabhupada often told me to keep things simple and ef-
ficient. This set up worked well.
Every morning after Srila Prabhupada finished breakfast I
brought his silver plates into my room and transferred his rem-
nants onto a tray. I put the orange peels, etc.. into my trash can
and happily distributed the maha-prasadam to the devotees ea-
gerly awaiting the “mercy.”
After breakfast, Srila Prabhupada often walked around his
quarters chanting japa. He walked in and out of his rooms,
back and forth in the hallway, and sometimes stopped for a
moment in front of my room to watch me as I prepared his
lunch. One morning he entered my room.
Looking into the small trash can, he shouted, “What is this?
You are such a fool.” Surprised by his sudden chastisement I
said, “It’s from your breakfast plate.”
It was not a good answer. Srila Prabhupada was just getting
started.
“You are supposed to be a devotee,” he shouted. “You have
no brains. No intelligence whatsoever. You are nothing but a
mleccha. You have everything here so neat and you are prepar-
ing food for the Deities amidst this eaten garbage. How could
you do such a foolish thing? You are such a mleccha.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was thinking, “These are Prab-
hupada’s remnants. This isn’t garbage.” I didn’t say anything,
though. I learned my lesson months before watching Srila Pra-
bhupada chastise my predecessor, senior god-brother. So I fi-
nally simply agreed with His Divine Grace.
“Yes, Srila Prabhupada, I am a fool,” I said.
He wasn’t pacified with my hollow confession and was still
very angry.
132 What is the Difficulty?

“Do they do this in the temple kitchen?” he continued. “Do

they have a trash can like this?”
“Well, they do have a trash can in the kitchen,” I said.
“But, do they put eaten garbage in it?” he quickly said.
“No, Srila Prabhupada,” I said exhausted.
Srila Prabhupada never seemed to tire.
“Why are you doing these things?” he said. “You are such a
mleccha. You have no intelligence.”
It seemed to go on for so long. Finally, he left my room with
his hand in his bead bag chanting japa.
I emptied the trash can still considering his remnants to
be most sacred. It was ironic because the first piece of Maha-
Bhagavata prasadam given to me in New Dvaraka by Nanda
Kumar was an orange peel. I felt very fortunate and ate the
whole thing. When I gave peel remnants to other devotees,
they nibbled off the white area, but discarded the orange rind.
Having been chastised, I was shaken, but understood that Srila
Prabhupada wanted to teach me a lesson. It seemed that when-
ever I became puffed-up in my service and thought I was doing
a good job, Srila Prabhupada let me know I was far from being
a brahminical vaisnava. Later he told me I had prepared a very
nice lunch. He never let me feel that he maintained any anger.
Whenever he chastised me, he later said something nice, or
told me a pastime about his earlier years. It was a trade off that
was well worth it. Srila Prabhupada knew I was very sensitive
to criticism and compassionately kept it to a minimum.
In retrospect, I understand that these few instances were
blissful because they were the ones I remember most vividly.
There were so many opportunities for Srila Prabhupada to cor-
rect me. If only I could have appreciated constructive criti-
cism, I would have so many more memories to relish.
Twice Around the World 133

2 83 2
“I think I’ll have a regular lunch.”
May 11, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Late one morning Srila Prabhupada rang his bell. I entered

his sitting room and offered my obeisances.
“I am not feeling well today,” Srila Prabhupada said softly.
“So, for my lunch please make me some kichari and cuddy
sauce. You can make the kichari with two parts rice, one part
dahl and use a little salt, turmeric and ghee. That will be light
and easy to digest.”
“All right, Srila Prabhupada,” I said.
Srila Prabhupada usually didn’t give much information
about his health, so a dietary adjustment was the only way I
knew Srila Prabhupada was ill. Occasionally, he asked for ki-
chari when he had a cold.
I went back to my quarters to prepare his cooker. I put ki-
chari on the top level and water on the bottom. This meal was
much simpler than usual. I felt relieved knowing there was no
chance of anything burning during his massage, but sad that
Srila Prabhupada wasn’t feeling well. Normally, I was “cooker
conscious” while massaging Srila Prabhupada due to my sear-
ing memory of burning Srila Prabhupada’s lunch twice in two
years. Twice was two times too many.
After setting up the cooker, I returned to his room. Srila
Prabhupada sat down on the mat for his massage. Normally, I
massaged his head with sandalwood oil because of its cooling
affect. When he had a cold, though, he sometimes instructed
me to use mustard oil over his entire body. On this day, he
told me to use only mustard oil. About 15 minutes into the
massage he said, “So, I’ve decided. I don’t think I’ll take any
lunch.”
“All right, Srila Prabhupada,” I said, lamenting that he must
134 What is the Difficulty?

have felt quite ill.

I continued to massage his beautiful form for another half-
hour.
“Actually,” Srila Prabhupada then said, “I think I’ll have a
regular lunch.”
“All right, Srila Prabhupada,” I said, momentarily relieved
that his health was improving.
He remained silent. Suddenly, I became overwhelmed with
great anxiety remembering that I didn’t have anything pre-
pared except for kichari. It would take a long time to prepare
a full lunch. I was too frightened to say anything about my
predicament.
“Prabhupada, I don’t have anything ready,” I finally said. “It
may take a little time.”
“Whatever it takes, it takes,” he said. “Just do it.”
When Srila Prabhupada went to bathe, I darted into my
quarters and put his lunch together as quickly and nicely as
I could. I was probably in more anxiety than necessary, but
that is how my feeble mind worked. I prided myself in keeping
ahead of my regulated service to eliminate potential problems.
Srila Prabhupada graciously waited for me to complete his
lunch without any complaints. He sometimes put me through
changes like this to teach me to be more flexible. My service
was to do whatever he wanted, not what I wanted.

Srila Prabhupada, thank you for giving me the

chance to focus on your contentment while performing
my duties as your servant. I often forget that devotional
service means to personally please you and in this way,
Krishna is pleased. Please continue to guide me daily in
your personal service, teaching me unconditional love.
Twice Around the World 135

2 84 2
“They may say Prabhupada said”
May 14, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

At this time New Dvaraka was more than just the head-
quarters for ISKCON in the west, it was the world headquar-
ters. Srila Prabhupada spent much time here and wherever he
travelled, he always seemed to return to LA. His quarters were
very comfortable and the weather was also.
One afternoon one of his sannyasa disciples asked to see
Srila Prabhupada. He entered the sunlit room and offered
obeisances. I didn’t know what he wanted to speak to Srila
Prabhupada about but he didn’t seem to mind that I was with
him. Therefore, I stayed. Srila Prabhupada looked up from be-
hind his desk and smiled.
Maharaja said, “Prabhupada I have to ask you a question.”
He continued, did you say that WWIII would begin on March
24, 1974?”
Srila Prabhupada, with surprise in his face, immediately re-
sponded. “I never said such a thing. Who has said this?”
I sat before Srila Prabhupada with a smile on my face. I had
heard so many ‘Prabhupada said’ over the years. One could
write volumes of misinformation of what he supposedly had
said, or take out of context what he did say to one person.
My amusement was soon interrupted when he responded to
Prabhupada’s inquiry. “They say that Srutakirti said that you
said it.” Immediately Srila Prabhupada turned and looked at
me with eyes wide open. “Did you say this, Srutakirti?’
“No Prabhupada!” I quickly exclaimed my innocence. “I
have never said such a thing. I would never make up such
a story.” Srila Prabhupada shook his head in wonder saying,
“Just see!” Then looking at both of us continued, “They may
say Prabhupada said this and Prabhupada said that but I haven’t
136 What is the Difficulty?

said anything. Unless you hear me say, I haven’t said it.”

The short meeting ended there. I walked out of the room
amazed at how rumours can take on a life of their own. There
was nothing more dangerous than a “Prabhupada said” ru-
mour. I could understand why he stressed the importance of
reading his books. Numerous times, he stressed that the an-
swers to all our questions were in his books. It was his greatest
service to his followers, to all humanity.
Even while Srila Prabhupada was here so much misinforma-
tion was eagerly passed from one devotee to another to sup-
port their understanding of what Krishna Consciousness is.
How fortunate we are that Srila Prabhupada gave us so many
books and lectures every day. Sometimes he would say, “Krish-
na Consciousness is easy for the simple but difficult for the
crooked.” Don’t take my word for it. Read his books. What is
the difficulty?

Srila Prabhupada, you sometimes emphasized

how important it was to ‘not talk nonsense’. Once, in
Mayapur, hearing your disciples talking nearby, you
called me in your room and told me to tell them to be
quiet adding, “Gossip destroys Krishna Consciousness.”
It was such a strong message and one that I never want
to forget. In this material world, so many things help
to destroy our Krishna Consciousness. Following your
instructions is the only way to strengthen it. I pray for
the desire to always follow your instructions and the
example you set for us.
Twice Around the World 137

2 85 2
“So, which is the most beautiful animal?”
May 29, 1973 Bhaktivedanta Manor, England

It was a very beautiful afternoon. The sun was shining

into Srila Prabhupada’s sitting room through the leaded glass
windows. He was walking around the room chanting japa. He
stopped in front of the windows and looked out into the gar-
den.
”So, which is the most beautiful animal?” he asked me.
“A cow?” I blurted out with little conviction in my voice.
“No,” he said quickly. “A horse. The horse has a very beau-
tiful form. The muscle structure is very nice.”
Again, I messed up. I thought Krishna’s favourite animal
was a cow. It had to have been a cow. As soon as Srila Prabhu-
pada told me otherwise though, it made perfect sense.

Srila Prabhupada, I beg you to tell me again that my

only business is to be with you 24 hours a day.

2 86 2
“Who is that chanting?”
June 14, 1973 ISKCON Mayapur, India

During our stay, Srila Prabhupada and his entourage had

rooms on half of the second floor of the guesthouse. The other
rooms were available for devotee guests. There was a beautiful
verandah that surrounded the entire facility. Sometimes Srila
Prabhupada walked on the verandah and chanted japa. Devo-
tees often gathered at the other end of the verandah hoping to
catch a glimpse of His Divine Grace.
138 What is the Difficulty?

One morning, an elder god-brother of mine was walking

back and forth chanting japa on the marble verandah. My in-
stincts and previous experiences told me that he was chanting
too loudly and that Srila Prabhupada might be disturbed. Srila
Prabhupada relished his quiet ecstasy.
“Prabhu, perhaps you could chant a little softer,” I said. “Sri-
la Prabhupada might not like it.”
He looked at me as if I was crazy. After all, who was I to tell
him what to do? I think he had the idea that Srila Prabhupada
would be pleased by his devotion. He continued with his loud
chanting.
Within a few minutes, the bell rang. I already knew what
was going to happen and I admit was in bliss. I was happy my
instincts were correct. I hurried into Srila Prabhupada’s sitting
room and offered my obeisances.
“Who is that chanting out there?” Srila Prabhupada said in
an angry mood. “If they want to chant loudly, tell them to go
into the temple room and chant before the deities.”
I happily exposed the culprit and rushed outside. This time I
had a rather smug look on my face. After all, I was armed with
the ‘Srila Prabhupada Chakra weapon. I was indestructible.
Needless to say, after conveying Srila Prabhupada’s message he
went on his way with a new attitude.

Srila Prabhupada, you once told me, “The first

class servant knows what his master wants and does it
without being asked.”
There were so many occasions when I knew from
experience what you wanted, but due to my weakness of
character was unable to carry it out. I always tried to
be quiet. You also said, “For oneself the devotee is meek
and humble, but for Krishna and His pure devotee, he
becomes like the lion.”
Twice Around the World 139

Thank you for always showing these characteristics.

Thank you for always showing us how to be a devotee.
Please forgive me for not always having the courage to
serve you properly. You patiently tolerated my many
weaknesses. You tolerated all of our deficiencies. I am in
awe when I remember how patient you were with your
thousands of young, neophyte and sometimes obstinate
disciples. You encouraged us all to advance in spiritual
life and still do.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

2 87 2
“He is my god-brother. He should be allowed in
right away.”
June 16, 1973 ISKCON Mayapur, India

Damodara Maharaja, Srila Prabhupada’s god-brother, fre-

quently visited His Divine Grace. At that time, Srila Prabhu-
pada was never very anxious to see him.
“If Damodara Maharaja comes,” he once told me, “I do not
want to see him. He simply comes and talks, ‘this matha (tem-
ple), they are doing this and that matha, they are doing that
and my disciples they are doing like this.’ I am not interested
in these things. I would relish it if he came and talked about
Krishna or talked some philosophy, but he talks all these non-
sense things. I am not very interested to hear it.”
I told Srila Prabhupada that I would try to prevent Damo-
dara Maharaja from entering his quarters.
It wasn’t long before I was given the opportunity to do as
I was told. Within a few days Damodara Maharaja visited. It
wasn’t easy for me to say anything to him. It was difficult for
140 What is the Difficulty?

me to advise my god-brothers when Srila Prabhupada told me

to, what to speak of a sannyasi god-brother of his.
As he approached Srila Prabhupada’s room, I took a breath
and said, “Prabhupada is taking rest. He cannot be disturbed
right now.” Damodara Maharaja was not satisfied with my ex-
planation. “Prabhupada said I could come whenever I want.
Why don’t you let me see him?” he demanded.
Feeling a bit stronger I again explained, “I cannot disturb
him while he takes his afternoon nap.” Damodara Maharaja
angrily paced about, determined to have his way. I was sweat-
ing. Miraculously, Srila Prabhupada stepped out of his room.
He had just risen from his nap and was fixing his dhoti as he
was walking out the door.
“Prabhupada! Swamiji!” Damodara Maharaja called.
Srila Prabhupada smiled broadly and exclaimed, “Come on,
come on. I will be right with you,” A few minutes later Srila
Prabhupada returned to his sitting room. Damodara Maharaja
and I were both sitting there quietly, waiting for him.
When Srila Prabhupada returned to his sitting room, Damo-
dara Maharaja complained. “Your disciple is giving me such a
difficult time. He won’t let me come in to see you.”
Srila Prabhupada turned to me with a look of surprise on
his face.
“Why are you giving him such a hard time?” Srila Prabhu-
pada asked. “I told you whenever he comes, you should let
him in. He is my god-brother. He should be allowed to come
in right away.”
“All right, Srila Prabhupada. I am sorry.” I said. I offered
obeisances and walked out of the room with a big smile on my
face. Srila Prabhupada never mentioned to me what had hap-
pened and I didn’t bring it up to him. It wasn’t necessary.
It was thrilling to serve Srila Prabhupada in this intimate
way. I felt blessed to be privy to Srila Prabhupada’s inner
thoughts. His Divine Grace was able to endear his god-brother
Twice Around the World 141

to him and I was given the opportunity to assist. Srila Prab-

hupada showed me how to treat a god-brother no matter how
we feel about them. He was a ‘transcendental diplomat’ and I
relished being Srila Prabhupada’s confidant.
It was another revealing moment of Srila Prabhupada’s com-
passion. He was always on a great mission of spreading Krishna
Consciousness around the world but he had time for everyone
that came before him. When he was with his god-brothers he
often encouraged them to assist him in spreading the move-
ment in the west. He would offer to bring them to America so
that they could help train his western disciples as their Spir-
itual Master desired. He offered them all facility. Despite his
many requests, none of his god-brothers expressed any desire
to help.

Srila Prabhupada, you started and maintained

ISKCON on your own. You accepted the service happily.
Your determination to serve your Spiritual Master is
unparalleled. Your followers are the most fortunate
souls.

2 88 2
“You should eat as much as you can digest.”
June 21, 1973 ISKCON Mayapur, India

One day Srila Prabhupada chastised his Sanskrit editor,

Pradyumna dasa for sleeping during the morning program.
Pradyumna, my favourite devotee in Srila Prabhupada’s en-
tourage, took the correction very seriously. He decided to re-
duce his eating by taking only hot milk, fruit and almonds.
Pradyumna said that almonds were ‘brain food.” He had a lot
of brains as well as a photographic memory.
142 What is the Difficulty?

As previously mentioned, Srila Prabhupada, while in

Mayapur, often walked onto the verandah while his disciples
were taking prasadam. He enjoyed watching his children take
Krishna prasadam to their full satisfaction. I felt very cared for
by my spiritual father. He appeared pleased by our attraction
to Krishna prasadam. He was not pleased, however, when he
noticed that Pradyumna was not with us.
“Why you are not taking prasadam with the others?” Srila
Prabhupada asked Pradyumna after walking to his room.
“I’m not very hungry, Srila Prabhupada,” Pradyumna qui-
etly replied.
“What do you mean?” Srila Prabhupada said. “You should
be taking prasadam.” Pradyumna knew his spiritual master
was not satisfied with his explanation.
“Well, Prabhupada,” he said, “If I take prasadam, then I
sleep.”
“What can be done,” Srila Prabhupada said. “You have to
take prasadam, even if you sleep ten hours a day. How can you
live if you don’t take prasadam? So, take prasadam and sleep.
You can’t stop taking prasadam, even if you sleep all day. You
must take prasadam. Otherwise, how can you go on?”
Pradyumna walked out of the room, offered his obeisances
and took prasadam with the rest of us. I was happy to have his
association again.
Srila Prabhupada always encouraged his disciples to mini-
mize their eating and sleeping in order to advance in Krishna
Consciousness, but he also told us to use our common sense.
“You should eat as much as you can digest,” he often said.
“Take as much prasadam as you want, but eat everything that
you take. Not one grain of rice should be wasted.”
He was also very strict about everyone attending the morn-
ing program. If more sleep was required, it should be done at
other times such as a nap after lunch or going to bed earlier at
night.
Twice Around the World 143

In general, Srila Prabhupada ate breakfast right after he lec-

tured in the morning and ate lunch around 1:00 pm In the
evening, he drank hot milk before taking rest. Sometimes, if he
felt hungry, I prepared puris, vegetable or puffed rice. When
he had an appetite, he enjoyed eating as much as we enjoyed
feeding him. Some of my most joyful days were spent running
back and forth from the kitchen to his room with a hot chap-
atti and putting it on his lunch plate while it was still puffed
up with steam inside. I ran back and forth five or six times
within ten minutes offering my obeisances each time I entered
his room. Srila Prabhupada sat with his right knee straight in
the air and gracefully mixed subji with his chapatti.

Srila Prabhupada, please give me your mercy. I

would gladly give up eating and sleeping just to be able
to once again roll and cook chapatis for you. There is
nothing sweeter in all the three worlds than having
one glimpse of your childlike innocence as you sit and
honour prasadam. I don’t think it is possible for anyone
to watch you eat and not fall deeply in love with you.
I may never taste the nectar of love of Godhead, but I
pray for your mercy on my soul that I may be able to
cook chapatis for you again.

2 89 2
“This is the Vedic custom”
June 24, 1973 ISKCON Mayapur, India

In Mayapur, Srila Prabhupada lived in two rooms. One

room was his sitting room where he translated and received
guests. Next-door was his bedroom. He also used it to hon-
our prasadam, so there was a small marble prasadam table
144 What is the Difficulty?

(chowki) set against the wall to the right of his bed.

June was generally very hot, so when Srila Prabhupada took
lunch prasadam, I sometimes fanned him with a peacock fan.
It not only created a breeze, but also kept the flies away. How-
ever, when Srila Prabhupada took his lunch, it immediately
alerted the resident ant population. They always had scouts
running along the walls and within minutes of putting his plate
on the table, they called in the battalion. In Los Angeles, Srila
Prabhupada told me to put turmeric where they entered. It had
worked in Los Angeles. I suppose those ants were more mate-
rialistic. The ants in Mayapur, however, could not be stopped.
Obviously, they were spiritual entities who could not be dis-
couraged from taking maha-prasadam remnants from the plate
of the pure devotee.
I watched as hundreds of ants ascended the leg of the
chowki, circled his plate and finally descended upon his pras-
adam. They seemed to know when they were allowed on a
certain preparation. Srila Prabhupada ate in stages. First, he
ate the vegetables and chapatis, then he added the rice, and
finally he ate the sweets. The ants initially congregated around
the plate. Gradually they worked their way onto the prepara-
tions that Srila Prabhupada had finished. It seemed like the
ants were a little courteous. Finally, Srila Prabhupada ended
his meal with a few sweets. He then got up to wash. For the
ants, the moment they had been waiting for had arrived. They
now knew it was time to dive into the sweets. Incredibly, Srila
Prabhupada never said one word about them during this daily
attack on his lunch.
This was not an isolated incident. It happened with great
regularity. There seemed to be an arrangement between the
pure devotee and these tiny insects. He was free to take as
much time as he wanted and they were allowed to eat whatever
he did not finish. I tried to take away the plates as quickly as
possible so there was something left to distribute to his disci-
Twice Around the World 145

ples. Referring to ants in Kolkata, Srila Prabhupada once said,

“It’s all right, they don’t eat very much.”
One day while I fanned him during lunch, Srila Prabhupada
chuckled.
“This is the Vedic custom, “he said.”The wife, she would
fan the husband while he ate. After he was done, whatever he
would leave, she would take. In this way, she always made sure
there was plenty of prasadam. Otherwise, she may not eat. But,
that was strictly a custom. Actually, in the Vedic culture that
was the woman’s role. They served in two ways, one by cook-
ing nice foodstuffs, and the other by providing nice sex life.
This is the essence of material life. Of course the difference is
in Krishna Consciousness, we stress chastity, being chaste.”
Quietly fanning Srila Prabhupada as he ate, I was amused
by his candor. This was a subject that wasn’t often discussed
amongst devotees. Sex life was to be controlled not enjoyed.
As young devotees, we were trying our best to avoid it. I tried
to appreciate the knowledge he was imparting. Tongue-tied I
continued to fan him without saying a word.
Srila Prabhupada was completely transcendental. Only he
could sit and eat with legions of insects preparing to attack
his remnants. Only he could speak about sex life without res-
ervation because he had no attraction to material enjoyment.
Because he was a compassionate pure devotee, he was able to
understand our fallen condition, patiently train us, and give us
the opportunity to perform devotional service.

2 90 2
Srila Prabhupada teases his sister
July 4, 1973 ISKCON Kolkata, India

I first met Bhavatarini, Srila Prabhupada’s sister, during

146 What is the Difficulty?

this visit to the Kolkata temple. From then on, she was always
known as “Pishima” which, I think, means “sister.” She was
an incredible sight. She was a few inches shorter and quite a
bit heavier than Srila Prabhupada was, but her face was un-
deniably like a female Srila Prabhupada. Whenever she came
to the temple, she brought sweets and gave them to her older
brother, Srila Prabhupada. She then distributed them to all of
the devotees in the temple. She loved to associate with Srila
Prabhupada and spent as much time as she could in his pres-
ence.
It was impossible for me to understand their conversations,
since I didn’t understand Bengali, but sometimes His Divine
Grace described some details. It was obvious she had great love
for her brother, not just on a material platform, but was able to
comprehend his topmost spiritual position as well. She cooked
for him often. This was a source of great anxiety for his disci-
ples because she always used mustard oil in her cooking, which
Srila Prabhupada said, “. . . was difficult to digest.” Once, when
she was approached about this method she responded, “He can
digest nails, if he wants.”
One day, as I massaged Srila Prabhupada before lunch, he
said to me, “Do you know any person who is fat, without eat-
ing?”
“No, Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “I don’t know anyone. Are
you referring to your sister?”
He laughed loudly.
“Yes!” he said. “She tells me she is eating just a little bit,
but she keeps on gaining weight. You don’t know anyone who
keeps on gaining weight without eating, do you?”
“No, Srila Prabhupada,” I said chuckling. “I don’t think it is
possible to gain weight without eating.”
Now both of us were laughing.
“Yes!” he said. “I don’t think so either. I think your conclu-
sion is correct. She has to be eating very much. She tells me
Twice Around the World 147

she is not eating, but I know she is eating. She complains to me

about her health, that she doesn’t feel well. I told her, ‘You are
so fat. How can you be healthy?’ She said, ‘I don’t know how. I
am hardly eating at all. I don’t know how I am so fat?’”
I continued massaging Srila Prabhupada understanding how
comfortable he was in his hometown surrounded by his fam-
ily. I was so grateful to be able to associate with Srila Prabhu-
pada during such intimate moments. I could see his concern
for his sister’s health as he sometimes said that disease came
from anxiety, uncleanliness and overeating.
That evening Srila Prabhupada was giving darsana to his dis-
ciples. Pishima was also present in the room. She didn’t mind
that she could not understand the conversation. She enjoyed
being with him as much as possible because she uncondition-
ally loved her brother. How elevated and fortunate she was to
have a natural love and affection for Srila Prabhupada!
“Look at her sitting there,” Srila Prabhupada, said smiling.
“Look at her . . . how fat she is.”
Everyone began laughing, including Srila Prabhupada and
Pishima. He continued poking fun at her in a rascal-like, boy-
ish way.
“She is so fat,” he said. “Look at her, how fat she is. She says
that she doesn’t eat, but still she gets fat.”
The room was filled with laughter. Pishima enjoyed seeing
everyone laugh and didn’t realize that her older brother was
making fun of her. Srila Prabhupada enjoyed his joke and rel-
ished his disciples being a part of it. It was a rare and wonder-
ful moment for everyone.

Srila Prabhupada, seeing you in that happy, carefree

lila was pure nectar. I pray that in a distant lifetime I
can bring a smile to your face, as you laugh at me in my
foolish predicaments. Presently, in my fallen condition,
the only emotion you can feel for me is compassionate
148 What is the Difficulty?

concern or annoyance due to my bumbling inability to

follow properly your instructions.

2 91 2
“I am going to London for Rathayatra.”
July 7-8, 1973 Rathayatra Parade, London, England

At the completion of Srila Prabhupada’s visit to Kolkata, he

was deciding where to travel next. That was always an excit-
ing adventure. On this occasion the senior devotees suggested
Srila Prabhupada go to Hawaii or Los Angeles to rest. There
was an invitation, however, from the devotees in London to
attend the Rathayatra festival.
Srila Prabhupada was expert in engaging his disciples in
such a way as to develop their love and attachment for him.
Wherever Srila Prabhupada stayed the process of deciding
where to travel occurred again and again. He allowed his dis-
ciples to suggest places and reasons why he should go there.
Hawaii was often mentioned because of the nice weather and
good fruit. He listened to his disciple’s opinions and then did
whatever he wanted. Once I became acquainted with the proc-
ess, it was a great deal of fun.
Sometimes, he travelled to cities all over the world without
ever leaving his sitting room. The most important thing for
his secretary to know was that until he said, “send a telegram”
or “tell them to send us tickets,” it was only a suggestion by
Srila Prabhupada. It kept his disciples around the world busy
painting temples blue and white as these were considered Srila
Prabhupada’s favourite colours. I’m not sure, but sometimes I
thought Srila Prabhupada considered that all temples, outside
of India, had the fragrance of a paint store.
“Srutakirti, what do you think?” he asked me. “Should I go
Twice Around the World 149

to London and attend the Rathayatra festival or should I go to

Hawaii and rest.”
I had been with Srila Prabhupada for almost one year and I
knew he would do whatever he wanted. I was thrilled that he
would even ask my opinion. Just that one acknowledgment
was enough to last my entire life.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I quickly responded. “If you go to the
Rathayatra festival in London then so many people will be ben-
efited by your association.”
“Yes, I think your observation is correct,” he said smiling.
After listening to everyone Srila Prabhupada said, “Thank
you for the advice. I am going to London for the Rathayatra.”
It was an amazing festival. Since I stayed by Srila Prab-
hupada’s side, my perspective was limited, but it was filled
with adventure. Srila Prabhupada was very enthusiastic. His
Vyasasana was available on the Ratha cart, but he decided to
walk with the devotees. Srila Prabhupada walked in front of
the cart clapping his hands to the beat of the kirtan. He raised
his hands in the air encouraging everyone to dance. He looked
like the supreme puppeteer. As he raised his hands, everyone
leaped into the air in ecstasy. It didn’t require any purification.
If you were near him, you were in bliss. Except for the bobbies
(policemen). They were looking for someone in charge. They
wanted to calm everyone down. They were keen enough to
realize that if they could control Srila Prabhupada, they could
control the “unruly” crowd.
Somehow, they thought I was an “associate” of His Divine
Grace.
“You’ll have to tell your leader to sit down,” one bobby said.
“He’s causing too much of a disturbance. Everyone is becom-
ing wild and we can’t control the crowd.”
“All right,” I told him, and then did nothing.
It was apparent that Srila Prabhupada was in charge of the
festival. He was visibly ecstatic. The bobbies again approached
150 What is the Difficulty?

me.
“You must tell him. He’ll have to sit down,” they firmly
said.
Again, I agreed. With fear of reprisal, I tapped Srila Prab-
hupada on his shoulder and said, “Prabhupada, the policemen
want you to sit down. They say you are creating havoc here in
the parade.”
Srila Prabhupada looked through me for a brief moment.
He quickly turned away with his arms still raised in the air.
Majestically, he continued walking with a bounce in his step.
He allowed everyone present to enter into his world of bliss.
He never stopped. He walked the length of the parade. The
bobbies gave up their attack. They were no match for the pure
devotee and the Lord of the Universe.

Srila Prabhupada, when I told you that so many

people would benefit by your association, I had no idea
of your plans. Like an ocean of mercy, you distributed
your waves of kindness to all who attended.

2 92 2
“Just keep chanting Hare Krishna”
July 14, 1973 Bhaktivedanta Manor, England

Allen Ginsberg, having just returned from India, came to

see Srila Prabhupada. He brought his harmonium with him.
“You are chanting Hare Krishna?” Srila Prabhupada asked.
“Yes, I still chant Hare Krishna and I am chanting some oth-
er things, too. Is it all right if I play the harmonium for you
and chant?” Ginsberg asked.
“Yes, you can do,” Srila Prabhupada replied.
Twice Around the World 151

Ginsberg played the harmonium and chanted “Ooooom-

mm.” Each time he chanted “Om” his voice got deeper. Srila
Prabhupada leaned back behind his desk and listened. When
Ginsberg finished, Srila Prabhupada chuckled and said, “You
can chant whatever you want to chant. Just keep chanting Hare
Krishna. As long as you are chanting Hare Krishna, everything
else is all right. You can chant whatever you want, but don’t
stop chanting Hare Krishna.”
By then, many devotees had entered the room. Srila Prab-
hupada told them, “So have kirtan.” Ginsberg began playing
the harmonium and leading the chanting of the Hare Krishna
maha-mantra. About five minutes had passed with Mr. Gins-
berg leading the kirtan. Srila Prabhupada looked at Hamsaduta
and said, “Your turn to lead.” Turning to Ginsberg he said,
“He’ll lead. He’ll chant now.” The chanting continued with
Hamsaduta leading. The devotees in the room became more
ecstatic as their god-brother lead the kirtan. The chanting went
on for another ten minutes before Srila Prabhupada stopped it
to speak to his guests.
Srila Prabhupada was expert in dealing with everyone. He
encouraged everyone in Krishna Consciousness according to
their realization. Knowing his desire, he allowed Alan Gins-
berg to chant for some time and then he artfully arranged for
his disciple to chant. There was a lesson for all of us in every
one of his actions. He showed us the proper etiquette in eve-
rything he did.
His association was magical. He gave it freely to all, by his
causeless mercy. Everything he did and said, was done to help
us become more attached to him and to the Supreme Lord. His
Divine Grace always inspired us on the path back home, back
to Godhead.
Jai Srila Prabhupada!
152 What is the Difficulty?

2 93 2
“Just see! Krishna is looking at me and I am look-
ing at Krishna.”
August 9, 1973 ISKCON Paris

When Srila Prabhupada first arrived at the Paris temple,

the devotees anxiously waited on a verandah high above the
front entrance. Like demigods, they showered flower petals
onto His Divine Grace. Srila Prabhupada responded with a
beautiful smile, reciprocating the love and affection his disci-
ples exhibited.
One of the highlights of Srila Prabhupada’s tour of France
was the installation of Radha Krishna Deities. The devotees
were very excited to have Srila Prabhupada presiding over the
festivities. His Divine Grace carefully observed his Sanskrit
editor, Pradyumna dasa, as he prepared the fire sacrifice. As
Pradyumna commenced, Srila Prabhupada occasionally mo-
tioned to him saying, “Do it like this, not like that.”
The devotees ecstatically watched Srila Prabhupada as he
attentively orchestrated every nuance of the ceremony like a
transcendental conductor. Srila Prabhupada’s attention to de-
tail was immaculate. He wanted everything to be done in a
first-class fashion. After all, his worshipable Radha and Krish-
na were being installed. Overwhelmed with love, Srila Prabhu-
pada decided to take the situation into his own hands.
He climbed down from the Vyasasana and took over the fire
yajna. All of the disciples present were overjoyed, watching
their spiritual master artfully prepare the arena for this most
auspicious event. With Srila Prabhupada in charge, everything
was perfect. The Deities were bathed with Pancamrta (five
various liquids), rinsed with warm water, dried, and wrapped
in lush, new towels. Upon completion, Sri Sri Radha Krish-
na were brought into the Deity room and opulently dressed.
 153

Then Srila Prabhupada personally offered Their Lordships’

first arati. With extreme care, he offered each item to Sri Sri
Radha Krishna as the devotees blissfully chanted the Lord’s
Holy Names and danced in ecstasy. All the devotees’ eyes were
fixed on Srila Prabhupada’s graceful motion as he ecstatically
performed arati. His eyes glistening with the ointment of love
of Godhead were fixed on his Deities throughout the offering.
Three months later in his room in Vrndavana, Srila Prabhu-
pada was given the latest copy of Back to Godhead magazine.
Srila Prabhupada was always excited to receive new issues of
Back to Godhead. He enthusiastically poured over each page
of this new issue, focusing on the large, beautiful, coloured
pictures of his Radha Krishna Deities, recently installed at the
Paris-yatra. His concentrated vision halted as he gazed lovingly
at a particular photograph. This individual photo captured a
special moment as His Divine Grace performed arati. His arm
was gracefully stretched overhead, offering the camara (Yak
tail) fan to Their Lordships. Srila Prabhupada looked at the
picture in a meditative gaze as if entering into it for just a frac-
tion of a second. In the next moment, he returned to us and
with twinkling eyes and a broad smile, he innocently revealed,
“Just see! Krishna is looking at me and I am looking at Krish-
na!”

Srila Prabhupada, I have no idea what it would be

like to gaze upon the Supreme Lord and have Him return
that glance. I have been fortunate, however, to have you
mercifully glance upon this unworthy soul. I pray to see
you again, by never losing sight of your instructions. In
this way, by your mercy, I may be allowed to follow in
your footsteps.
154 What is the Difficulty?

2 94 2
“You are not feeling well?”
August 22, 1973 Bhaktivedanta Manor, England

Srila Prabhupada’s Vyasa-Puja

I had been a brahmacari for two and a half years and was
feeling restless. Many times, Srila Prabhupada explained how
one must reduce one’s sleeping and eating to make spiritual
advancement, so I decided to utilize the two upcoming fast
days to reduce my eating. While breaking fast at midnight on
Janmastami, I ate very little. I again ate sparingly the next after-
noon for Srila Prabhupada’s Vyasa puja celebration. The third
day I also ate less. I didn’t feel hungry, so I assumed my stom-
ach had shrunk.
The next day Srila Prabhupada called me into his room. I
offered my obeisances and sat up to see what I could do for
him. He looked at me with concern and said, “Your face is
looking thin. You are not feeling well?” I was surprised by his
question. “No, Srila Prabhupada, I feel fine,” I explained. “I
was trying to cut down on my eating and have been eating less
for the last few days.”
“What is this?” Srila Prabhupada said. “You have service to
perform. You should not cut down on your eating. This is non-
sense. You have to give massage every day. That requires much
strength. You must do so many things. Do not cut down. You
should eat whatever you can digest. That is what you should
eat.”
Amazingly, in our first 11 months together, this was Srila
Prabhupada’s second conversation with me regarding my pras-
adam intake. Finally, I decided not to worry about how much
prasadam I ate.
Srila Prabhupada you mercifully looked out for me at every
Twice Around the World 155

moment. What great fortune, to learn first hand what was im-
portant and what was mental concoction. There was so much
‘Prabhupada said’ that went around the society. Even I wasn’t
immune to them. Gradually I began to understand more and
more that Krishna Consciousness was ‘common sense’. I also
began to see the necessity of reading your books.

Many years have gone by. It is becoming clear that

reducing my eating and sleeping didn’t have to be done
artificially. It happens automatically as old age sets in.
When I was with you for a few days you told me, “I am
an old man. I can’t sleep too long at one time.” I now
understand that.
You always advised me what to do when necessary.
You could even tell when I lost a few pounds. Thank you
for taking such good care of me. It is clear that although
I was the servant, you did much more for me than I
ever did for you. So many of us were busy concocting
our own means to advance spiritually, but you carefully
guided us and cared for us on every level.
Jai Srila Prabhupada!

2 95 2
”Yes, I have my own style of chanting.”
August 23, 1973 Bhaktivedanta Manor, England

After one year of being with Srila Prabhupada, I became ac-

customed to his transcendental rhythms. At times, I sat in my
quarters and heard the sweet sound of the harmonium coming
from his room. I knew I could invite any nearby devotees into
Srila Prabhupada’s room while His Divine Grace sang, but no
156 What is the Difficulty?

one was around on this particular day. I went into his room
alone, and offered my humble obeisances. As I sat up my con-
sciousness was filled with the nectar of Srila Prabhupada’s me-
lodious bhajan. Just by hearing him play the harmonium and
listening to the sound of his voice my stone heart was softened.
Without moving, I quietly sat and listened, not wanting to dis-
tract him while he was in this mood. It amazed me how he
had so many responsibilities, but always found time to chant
rounds, sing bhajans and read his books.
After a minute, he looked up from the harmonium and nod-
ded at me. I knew that meant to accompany him with his
kartals. He continued singing for some time.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said when he was finished. “Your kirtan
and bhajans are so different from any others I have heard.”
He started laughing and replied, “Yes, I have my own style
of chanting.” I put his kartals back on the shelf, offered my
obeisances and went back to the servants’ quarters.

My dear Srila Prabhupada, your words that day

were so simple but true. You do have such style, grace,
humility and devotion. You did so much each day to
serve your Guru. The list was endless; letters, classes,
translating and management. Still you had time to sit in
your room alone, play harmonium, and sing beautiful
bhajans for Krishna’s pleasure. No one had to be there
to witness it, but anyone could come in. You are the
topmost yogi, a Paramahamsa, who kindly made
yourself available to all.
Your style was sometimes imitated, but never
duplicated. After all, who else could create an
international society by chanting under a tree?
Twice Around the World 157

2 96 2
“You fool; you will be intelligent when you are 80!”
August 28, 1973 Bhaktivedanta Manor, England

After one year of massaging Srila Prabhupada every day, I

thought I had become quite efficient.
“The Manor is wonderful, Srila Prabhupada said, “and when
the sun is shining there is no place better.”
As he did every day, Srila Prabhupada sat on a straw mat on
the highly polished hardwood floor. Two bottles were next to
him. The large bottle was filled with mustard seed oil and the
small bottle contained sandalwood oil. The sun’s brilliant rays
filtered through a series of windows and Srila Prabhupada’s
golden complexion was effulgently sun-drenched. I sat behind
His Divine Grace and rubbed his head with sandalwood oil for
a cooling effect. After massaging his head for about 15 min-
utes, I massaged Srila Prabhupada’s back. I used mustard seed
oil on his body, so I picked up the bottle to put a small amount
in my hand.
Srila Prabhupada told me many times, “You can massage
my back as hard as you can.” He really meant it. It was truly
amazing! I put all of my weight and strength into massaging his
back and continued that way for a half hour or more. He never
said it was too hard. Sometimes I deliberately did it harder,
thinking there must be a limit to how hard he liked it. I never
found a limit. Srila Prabhupada sat perfectly relaxed during
this “passive wrestling” as he called it. He never braced himself
to accept my strength. He always enjoyed his massage and this
day was no different. Then I stood up and changed positions.
As I took a step to the right to massage Srila Prabhupada’s
chest, I knocked over the bottle of mustard seed oil. His Divine
Grace had warned me many times always to keep the lid on the
bottle. Unfortunately, sometimes I did and sometimes I didn’t.
158 What is the Difficulty?

On this day, I had to pay the price.

“You fool,” he immediately yelled. “You will be intelligent
when you are 80. Go get a katori and bring it here.” I ran out of
the room and brought back a stainless steel katori. “All right,
Srila Prabhupada said sternly.”Do like I am doing. Scrap the oil
off your hand and into the cup.” The two of us sat there until
all of the oil from the floor was in the metal cup. It was about
3 ounces. “Now use that oil to massage me,” he said, looking
towards the cup.
I was already quite aware that Srila Prabhupada never wast-
ed anything. As I continued to massage Srila Prabhupada, the
atmosphere seemed almost too quiet. I felt he was angry with
me because of my foolishness. I began to think, “What can I
say to mitigate my offence?” I mulled it over again and again.
Finally, I got up the courage.
Hoping to change the mood I thought was there I blurt-
ed out, “Thank you very much, Srila Prabhupada. I thought
it would take much longer for me to become intelligent.” I
couldn’t have imagined a happier response from my loving fa-
ther. He laughed aloud.
“Yes,” he said laughing loudly and slapping his knee. “That
is an old phrase we would say when we were young boys when
someone did something foolish. ‘You’ll be intelligent when you
are 80.’ I have used it with you.” He continued to chuckle for
the next minute or so and I very happily continued the mas-
sage, relieved of all my anxiety.
It was another opportunity for me to see just how transcen-
dental Srila Prabhupada was. I was foolishly thinking that he
was so angry with me. I still didn’t understand that everything
he said and did was to help us become more attached to him
and Krishna. He had no other desire then to see everyone en-
gaged joyfully in the serve of the Supreme Lord. It was another
opportunity for me to love Srila Prabhupada more.
Twice Around the World 159

Srila Prabhupada you are the most pure devotee of

the Supreme Lord and Krishna is obliged to keep the
word of His devotee. I have no chance of becoming
Krishna conscious, but if I can just live to be 80, I am
sure I will finally become intelligent. Real intelligence
is to be Krishna conscious. I pray that I can live to be
80 so I can live up to the expectations of my beloved
Srila Prabhupada. Over thirty years have gone by since
I spilled the oil. I am no more Krishna Conscious but I
am much closer to 80 years old. I am happy you are still
with me, never abandoning me, but I feel so alone. I am
still addicted to personally serving you, your beautifully
golden, transcendental form.

2 97 2
“…as long as he is in charge, you should follow…”
August 29, 1973 Bhaktivedanta Manor, England

Once, during Srila Prabhupada’s afternoon massage, a san-

nyasi entered the room with a problem he thought only his
spiritual master could solve.
“Srila Prabhupada, “he said.” My GBC is making all these
decisions. I want to accept his authority, but I had to come
to you because he is not chanting his rounds. I know this for
a fact! He doesn’t chant any rounds. In addition, many of the
devotees in the temple find it difficult to follow his authority. I
want to know how we should handle this.”
Srila Prabhupada was silent for a moment and then replied,
“Your GBC is very busy. Arjuna, when he was fighting the bat-
tle of Kuruksetra, he did not chant his 16 rounds. When you
are fighting a battle, where is the time to chant your rounds?
So, perhaps your GBC is also too busy. Anyway, you should
160 What is the Difficulty?

see it like that. As long as he is in charge, you should follow,

and encourage him to chant if he is not chanting.”
Another time during an afternoon massage in Kolkata, a
devotee entered the room and asked what should be done be-
cause Gargamuni Maharaja, the temple administrator, was not
chanting his rounds.
“He should not be in office,” Srila Prabhupada responded.
“He may be materially qualified in so many ways, but it is not
enough. In management, one has to have his transcendental
aspect. One has to be following the regulative principles and
chanting. Otherwise, it is simply useless just to have some
management knowledge.”
Srila Prabhupada did not remove Gargamuni Maharaja from
office at that time.
He was the acarya and was able to make adjustments accord-
ing to time, place and circumstance. This can be understood
by reading his letters and listening to recorded conversations.
Sometimes Srila Prabhupada wrote instructions in a letter that
were meant only for the person receiving the letter. It was not
meant to be a general policy. We can read his books to learn
the absolute truth. He sometimes called them “law books for
the next 10,000 years.”
Srila Prabhupada’s personal presence on this planet was so
potent that he could carry fallen souls such as myself, and keep
us engaged in Krishna’s service, even when we were not strictly
following his regulations. Since his departure, I have realized
that if I want to associate with him and perform devotional
service, I must strictly follow his instructions. This may seem
like common sense to most devotees, but to me it is a revela-
tion. Srila Prabhupada lives eternally in his instructions and
his followers live with him.

Srila Prabhupada, please engage me in your service.

Coming in disciplic succession from Lord Nityananda,
Twice Around the World 161

you are the most merciful spiritual master who came to

deliver the fallen souls from the western world. Many
considered it spiritual suicide to go to the west, so full
of materialism. You had no such fear and were never
affected by it. Instead, you infected us with the desire to
follow you. You accepted whatever service we performed
and offered it to your spiritual master.

2 98 2
“Devotees should get sumptuous prasadam”
Aug. 30, 1973 Bhaktivedanta Manor, England

Indian culture was apparent while visiting Indians all over

the world. While travelling, Srila Prabhupada and his disciples
were often invited to a life member’s house for a feast. His dis-
ciples were always eager to attend such a gathering, as they
would get Srila Prabhupada’s association as well as opulent
prasadam. I don’t remember Srila Prabhupada ever refusing
an invitation. Sometimes he gave a short lecture before pras-
adam was served. One such gathering took place when Srila
Prabhupada was staying at the manor. Several dozen devotees
went to an Indian gentleman’s house. The prasadam was very
opulent.
Srila Prabhupada described prasadam in different ways.
“The devotees should get sumptuous prasadam,” he said.
“Simple, but sumptuous. Sumptuous means very tasty. If the
prasadam is tasty, you can go on eating even if you are not
hungry and if it is not tasty then you’ll immediately lose your
appetite. Prasadam must be very nice for the devotees then
everything else will be all right. Opulent prasadam means ghee
and sugar.”
At the feast, there was halava, sweet rice, puris and many
162 What is the Difficulty?

other preparations. I watched Srila Prabhupada eat. It was

always special. Normally, he took prasadam alone in his room.
I cannot do him justice by trying to describe the heavenly way
he moved his fingers, hands and mouth as he ate prasadam,
but even I could see that he was honouring Krishna prasadam.
We all ate to our full satisfaction.
When we returned to the manor, Srila Prabhupada rang his
bell. I trotted to his room and offered my obeisances.
“So everyone has enjoyed prasadam?” he asked smiling.
“Everyone has enjoyed the feast?”
“Well, actually, Srila Prabhupada, some of the devotees, they
are not feeling well,” I said. “They are saying that everything
was fried in oil instead of ghee.”
“Well, what do you expect?” he replied. “I was watching
them and I saw. Pradyumna, he ate so many puris and another
devotee he ate so much of the vegetable.”
I was amazed. I noticed Srila Prabhupada eating, but I had
no idea he had observed so much. He simultaneously did so
many things without appearing to do anything at all. However,
I had an observation of my own to offer.
“Yes, Srila Prabhupada,” I agreed, “but, I also don’t feel well
and I didn’t eat very much.”
“Yes. I know this,” he said. “You didn’t eat so much, but I
do remember you ate four puris.”
“Yes, Prabhupada, I guess I did,” I answered in disbelief.
I offered my obeisances and left the room still trying to fig-
ure out how he knew all of this. He knew more about what I
ate than I did. It was remarkable to me how he was so aware
of everything that was going on around him at a simple func-
tion.

Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for paying such close

attention to this useless person. I pray that I never
Twice Around the World 163

forget all the time you spent patiently instructing me in

countless situations. You performed such monumental
service, but I am more impressed by all the wonderful
little things you did for me and continue to do for me
every day. Please, let me remember your kindness birth
after birth. Separation from you is so bittersweet. It is
a taste for which I can’t get enough.

2 99 2
“This prasadam…didn’t you help?”
September 5, 1973 ISKCON Bhaktivedanta Manor, England

Being with a pure devotee of the Lord for two years was
the most wonderful opportunity to learn how to act in Krishna
Consciousness. For a person like me, it was also an opportu-
nity to make innumerable offences to a great soul. There are
many activities etched in my mind that bring joy, but many
others that give me sorrow.
An Indian devotee at the manor had a son who was about
12 years old. This boy wanted to cook lunch for Srila Prabhu-
pada. His Divine Grace agreed to the proposal. I, having the
mentality of a twelve-year-old and no service attitude, thought
it was a chance for me to take it easy that morning. I did not
oversee any of the boy’s activities and had no idea if he was
qualified to cook Srila Prabhupada’s lunch. I gave Srila Prab-
hupada his massage and then returned to my room.
Later the youngster brought Srila Prabhupada his lunch.
The dahl was burned. The chapatis were hard because they
didn’t puff up. The rice was under cooked. Srila Prabhupada
sampled everything. While the boy returned to the kitchen to
cook another chapatti, I went into Srila Prabhupada’s room.
“This prasadam,” he said, “didn’t you help?”
164 What is the Difficulty?

“No, Prabhupada,” I answered. “I thought he was going to

do it.”
“Yes, but you should have been with him, to make sure
everything was all right,” he said. “This is very bad. How can
I eat this?”
Just then, the boy came back into the room with another
chapatti.
“Everything is very nice,” Srila Prabhupada told him. “You
have done very well.” The boy was very happy. He had per-
formed devotional service to the best of his ability and pleased
his spiritual master. I, needless to say, had committed a great
offence by my lethargy. Srila Prabhupada didn’t even yell. It
was difficult for me when he yelled, but it was more painful
when he was silently angry with me.
This incident exemplifies another part of Srila Prabhupada’s
greatness. He could have had any number of spiritually and
materially qualified assistants with him to make his life easy,
but he accepted service from me. He never asked me to leave
him at any time. He gracefully accepted my incompetence and
made me feel appreciated despite my many shortcomings. I
have seen Srila Prabhupada forgive his disciples for so many
offences. This was certainly not the worst thing I have done
to my spiritual master, but it involved serving him directly and
that causes me sorrow.

Srila Prabhupada, don’t kick me away. There is

no safe place in this material world except at your
beautifully golden lotus feet. Please give me the desire
to serve you and your movement for the duration of my
lives.
Twice Around the World 165

2 100 2
“Prasadam is not to be heated up.”
September 15, 1973 ISKCON Juhu Beach, Mumbai, India

After our arrival in the morning Srila Prabhupada informed

me he wanted the Deities’ maha-prasadam for lunch. I was
happy with this instruction since no one had arrived yet who
could prepare his lunch. When the maha arrived from the
temple, I started to heat it up. While in the kitchen, a devotee
came in and told me that Srila Prabhupada wanted his pras-
adam.
“I am heating it up,” I told him. “I will bring it in right
away.”
In an instant they returned and said,” Srila Prabhupada is
angry, he wants it now.” Trembling, I went into his room and
offered my obeisances. He was yelling before I lifted my head.
“Why are you heating up the prasadam?” he asked. “Maha-
prasadam is not to be heated up. I want it now. I didn’t want it
heated up. I just wanted the prasadam. You bring it now.”
Being with Srila Prabhupada was never boring. Many devo-
tees have commented that it must have been very difficult to be
Srila Prabhupada’s personal servant. It was indeed. However,
it was more difficult for Srila Prabhupada to have had me as his
personal servant. I still have no idea how much nonsense he
tolerated because of my bad habits. He had so much patience.
There were so many things to learn from him. He often said,
“Krishna consciousness is common sense.”

Srila Prabhupada, please benedict me with common

sense so I can begin to serve you according to your
desires.
166 What is the Difficulty?

2 101 2
“All right, do any damn thing you want.”
September 23, 1973 ISKCON Mumbai, India

Besides getting ill whenever I travelled to India, cultural

differences played a major part in my dislike of travelling to
this very diverse part of the world. I was not alone in my aver-
sion to staying in India. I witnessed many devotees coming to
the holy land, only to leave a short time later. Their difficulties
included poor health, lack of facility, personality conflicts with
management and culture shock.
I observed two of Srila Prabhupada’s veteran disciples also
facing their personal limitation in the holy land. Stories of fruit-
ful preaching opportunities in the West seemed to call them
back to the States. Preaching to potential life members seemed
painfully slow in India. The Indians would tell us we were not
telling them anything they did not already know. After all, they
grew up hearing about Krishna. Life members often said, “Oh,
yes. We know Krishna.”
Many times Srila Prabhupada illustrated this point by saying
it was as if we Westerners were 100 miles away from Krishna,
but now under his guidance we were heading toward the Lord.
The Indians were ten miles from Krishna, but unfortunately
going away from Him. Our problem was finding a way to turn
them around, so they could head “Back to Godhead.” Some-
times it was anything but enlivening.
One day a few disciples were in Srila Prabhupada’s quarters
pleading with him to go back to the West.
“We are just like businessmen,” one disciple told Srila Prab-
hupada. “We are collecting money and making life members.”
In one sense, he was correct, but the difference was we were
doing it for Srila Prabhupada and Krishna and not for our per-
sonal profit.
Twice Around the World 167

Srila Prabhupada was sympathetic to their frustrations, but

in a stern voice told them, “But, I want you to stay here. It is
the spiritual master’s desire that you stay here, so that is bet-
ter.”
“Isn’t it service to go to America and preach?” one sannyasi
asked. “In America the preaching is so much better.”
I was sitting off to the side, amazed at the intensity of my
god-brothers. It was a rare sight. Srila Prabhupada’s disciples
seemed relentless. The more they were determined to leave
India, the more Srila Prabhupada was determined to have
them stay. It was evident that Srila Prabhupada considered the
preaching work in India to be of the utmost importance. This
was a lesson I learned on my first trip to India with my Guru
Maharaja.
Previously in January of 1973 at Kartikeya Mahadevia’s flat,
a heated conversation took place between Srila Prabhupada
and some of his disciples. The two sannyasis that had pleaded
with Srila Prabhupada before, were present for this discussion
as well. It was amazing to witness Srila Prabhupada’s determi-
nation, as well as his mastery in managing his young disciples
in devotional service.
Srila Prabhupada was outraged because he had received re-
ports that life members were paying their money, but not get-
ting the books they had been promised. The record keeping
was not being done properly. Complaints from the life mem-
bers were regularly coming in the mail to Srila Prabhupada.
“If you cannot manage properly then we should just pack up
and leave India,” Srila Prabhupada told his disciples. “This is
not good. Everything must be done very carefully.”
Everyone could understand how important it was to Srila
Prabhupada that his transcendental literatures be distributed.
Ultimately, we sincerely wanted to please His Divine Grace de-
spite any obstacles placed before us.
Nine months later, Srila Prabhupada was again pleading
168 What is the Difficulty?

with the same two senior sannyasis to remain in India. It was

not going well. Seeing how upset Srila Prabhupada was, I was
squirming in the corner of the room. I also understood how
hard it was to stay in India. Srila Prabhupada was depending
on these men to assist him in this important work, but they
just couldn’t do it any longer. It was a fierce battle. The inten-
sity of negotiation was what I would have expected amongst
peers, rather than between spiritual master and disciple. Srila
Prabhupada wanted them to stay, and that was final. His dis-
ciples argued that they needed to leave India to preach. At this
time, the West was a fertile preaching field. Finally, in appar-
ent disgust, Srila Prabhupada said, “All right, you just chant
your sixteen rounds, follow the four regulative principles and
do any damn thing you want.”
That is how this rare room conversation ended. Our most
magnanimous leader gave them permission to serve him in
whatever capacity they could. Again, it was evident that Srila
Prabhupada considered us all volunteers in his transcendental
army. It is up to us to decide how quickly we want to get the
mercy and make advancement by serving our spiritual mas-
ter according to his desires. Daily, we choose what, and how
much, we are willing to do in the service of our Guru Maha-
raja.

Once in his quarters in New Dvaraka, Srila

Prabhupada said, “Ultimately, we must all fly our own
aeroplane.” Srila Prabhupada, I am still trying to find
my way back to the airport. Without you in front of me,
this is very difficult. You have given us all the tools
necessary to engage in devotional service, but I do not
think I will ever be qualified to fly my own plane back
to Krishna. Let me serve those who are qualified to fly
their own aeroplane “Back to Godhead.” I am praying
you allow me to be your flight attendant as you travel
around the universe liberating conditioned souls.
Twice Around the World 169

2 102 2
“One of my favourite things...”
October 27, 1973 ISKCON Juhu Beach, Mumbai, India

My association with Srila Prabhupada can be divided into

three types.
The first type was wonderful. These were the times I was able
to witness Srila Prabhupada’s mercy and kindness. The second
type was more wonderful. These were the times I was able to
massage him and cook for him on a daily basis. Massaging him
was particularly sweet for me. Better still, were very special
moments that can only be described as most wonderful.
One night Srila Prabhupada was ready for his evening mas-
sage about 10:00 pm In his Juhu flat, he had a separate bed-
room. Juhu was especially nice because of the mosquitoes. Yes,
because of the mosquitoes, I had to get under the mosquito net
with Srila Prabhupada. This situation was very intimate. Srila
Prabhupada lay down and I sat on the bed by his feet. I felt like
I was camping out with my spiritual master; like two young-
sters in the woods. On this particular night, Srila Prabhupada
assisted me in my fantasy.
While I was gently rubbing his body he said, “One of my
favourite things, when I was young, was my shoes. Once, my
father bought me a pair of shoes. They were imported from
England. They had soft leather uppers and hard leather souls.
At the time, perhaps they cost six rupees. That was a fortune.
In India, 70 years ago, six rupees were a lot of money. I liked
my shoes very much. I remember wearing them to school.”
At that point, he stopped speaking for a few minutes. I was
caught up in Srila Prabhupada’s bliss. I tried to imagine him
walking around in his shoes. Still massaging his transcenden-
tal form I smiled and said, “Prabhupada, when you walked to
school, did you look at your shoes as you were walking?”
170 What is the Difficulty?

“Yes,” he said laughing. “I would look down at my shoes. I

liked them so much, these shoes.”
He spoke about a few other childhood memories that night.
That was a “most wonderful” night for me. I could have stayed
there forever massaging him and listening to stories. It was
like hearing Krishna book stories for the first time. His mem-
ory was so incredible. When he spoke about his childhood, it
seemed like he was there. I couldn’t imagine what my qualifi-
cation was to be able to have shared these moments with him.
Now, I can understand he wasn’t describing these pastimes for
my pleasure alone. He was telling me so I could describe them
to all of his followers. I hope I can relate them with at least a
hint of the nectar that I felt, as he told me such sublime pas-
times.

Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for sharing your

childhood memories with me. I had no qualification
yet by your special mercy, I was able to hear from
Your Divine Self. I have no competency to adequately
describe your glories, but somehow or other I must
share whatever I have experienced of your nectarine
activities. Even with my imperfect senses and limited
understanding, I must share your grace.

2 103 2
“Oh, what are the symptoms?”
November 11, 1973 ISKCON Delhi, India

One year after I had recovered from jaundice, Srila Prabhu-

pada’s secretary, Brahmananda Maharaja, was afflicted. Being
newsworthy, I decided to tell Srila Prabhupada.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “Brahmananda has jaundice.”
Twice Around the World 171

Srila Prabhupada looked surprised.

“Oh, what are the symptoms?” he asked.
I forgot that we had this same conversation the previous
year. I repeated the list of symptoms. You guessed it. Srila Pra-
bhupada said, “Hmm, perhaps I have jaundice also.”
Finally, after Srila Prabhupada made this statement again,
I understood. It only took me a year. Srila Prabhupada was
incredible. He remembered everything that happened with
his disciples and mentioned it at the perfect moment. I was so
dull- headed that the joke was way over my head. The yoga-
maya potency was very strong around him. I had no idea who
I was with. This was fortunate. Otherwise, I would not have
been able to perform my service due to awe and fear. I specu-
lated that Srila Prabhupada was saying he had all the symp-
toms of illness that I described, but being transcendental, he
went about his devotional life in spite of so many painful dif-
ficulties.
Srila Prabhupada didn’t have jaundice, but he did experi-
ence symptoms. He showed us that when we get older, as I am
beginning to experience, the body is full of aches and pains,
and one’s energy level decreases. Srila Prabhupada explained
that it was not very amazing that we feel weak, become ill or
experience pain. However, it was amazing if we didn’t feel
these things. He demonstrated how one should not be affected
by the limitations of the body.

Srila Prabhupada, when you were in quarantine

because of not being immunized against yellow fever
you said, “What do they think? I can get yellow fever?
Anyone who is cent percent engaged in Krishna’s
service, there is no question of material contamination.
He cannot be infected with any disease.”
I pray to be infected with love for you, Srila
172 What is the Difficulty?

Prabhupada, so I can be cent percent engaged in your

devotional service. Please give me a glimpse of your
transcendental position.

See also uvacha 37 - December 12, 1972 Ahmedabad, India.

2 104 2
“I would observe Mahatma Gandhi”
November 20, 1973 ISKCON Delhi, India

Srila Prabhupada lectured every evening at a pandal pro-

gram attended by thousands of residents. After the program,
he made his way back to his quarters, protected by his disci-
ples. Surrounding Srila Prabhupada, some sannyasi disciples
held their dandas in such a way as to protect His Divine Grace
from the hopeful admirers who tried to touch his lotus feet.
“I remember when I was young,” he said one evening in his
room. “I would observe Mahatma Gandhi. He had so many
people around him, protecting him from the thousands of ad-
mirers. I thought, ‘Someday I want to have that’ and now I have
it.”

Srila Prabhupada, it has been 25 years since you

mercifully initiated me. I have spent most of that time
in illusion. On the anniversary of your disappearance, I
want to take this opportunity to again serve your orders.
Your first instructions to me were to chant 16 rounds,
follow the four regulative principles and become the
servant of one whose activities are world-famous. It is
not possible for me to serve Krishna directly. I pray that
you are kind upon me so that I may serve your lotus feet.
Your activities are world-famous. I pray to spend life
Twice Around the World 173

after life praising your glories all over the world. You
are the most glorious servant of Lord Caitanya because
you have fulfilled his desire and that of the previous
acaryas. Please protect me so that I do not stray from
your instructions. I want you to reside forever in my
heart so that I can taste the sweetness of separation
from you. It is the most sublime feeling and it is only
available to your faithful follower.

2 105 2
“Where is the vase? Why are they so wasteful?”
December 7, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Once, when Srila Prabhupada was in Delhi, he received a

silver vase from a life member. Originally, it was to be given to
Indira Gandhi and was engraved with her name. Srila Prabhu-
pada was very pleased with the gift and had me carry it in the
luggage until we reached Los Angeles.
“I will keep this here,” Srila Prabhupada said, pointing to his
desk in his quarters. I showed it to the devotees who cleaned
Srila Prabhupada’s rooms while he went on his morning walk.
“Srila Prabhupada likes this vase very much,” I told them.
“You should put nice flowers in it.”
Every morning they made a beautiful flower arrangement in
the vase. It was a good size and could hold a large amount of
flowers. One day we returned from the morning walk a little
earlier than usual. As soon as Srila Prabhupada walked into his
room, he noticed that the vase was not on his desk.
“Where is the vase?” he asked me.
“Well, they probably took it into the kitchen to put fresh
flowers in it,” I said.
174 What is the Difficulty?

Now he was somewhat angry, and getting angrier with each

sentence.
“Why?” He asked. “The flowers in it were fine. Why do they
change these flowers every day? Why are they so wasteful?
Who is this person doing this? Tell them to change them only
when they go bad. You should never take the flowers out of
this room until they are dwindling. It is not necessary. This is
just wasteful. Where is the vase? Go find it immediately!”
I quickly left his room. Actually, I was eager to leave. It was
not fun for me to be around Srila Prabhupada when he was
yelling, even if it wasn’t directed towards me. Fortunately, the
vase was in the temple kitchen.
“You had better stop changing these flowers every day,” I
told the devotees. “Srila Prabhupada said it is very bad. Make
sure this vase is never out of his room.”
Arriving in his sitting room with a beautiful new flower ar-
rangement did not seem to appease him. I put the vase down
on his desk and offered my obeisances wishing I could just
keep my head on the floor.
“Just do it when it is necessary.” he shouted. “They shouldn’t
be wasting so much on flowers. They shouldn’t be wasting
so much money, every day changing. This is your custom in
America, simply wasting. In your country if you have some
cloth, if there is something extra, instead of just folding it un-
der you will cut it off and throw away. This is your process
here in America. In India if there is something left, they will
fold it over and sew. Whatever goes wrong, you solve it with
money. In this way, it appears very good. You make some ac-
cident, and then because you have money you can cover it
over very quickly. It is not that you are very capable of doing
anything, but because money is there, you make everything
look very good. With money you can cover over all of your
deficiencies.”
Srila Prabhupada often said, “Krishna has given you Ameri-
Twice Around the World 175

can boys and girls so much facility.” What wasn’t apparent to

me at the time was the reason ‘so much’ was there was because
of his potency, not anything we were doing. Srila Prabhupada
saw Krishna in everything, everywhere. Therefore, he some-
times chastised us when we were wasteful. He was so very
tolerant of our spiritual and material immaturity.

Srila Prabhupada, please forgive me for my wasteful

habits. Most of all, forgive me for wasting so much
time in the service of the illusory energy. Sometimes in
a lecture, you would look at your watch and say how
it was impossible to recover this moment in time ever
again, no matter how much money you have. I would
foolishly think, “Why is that so bad. We are eternal.
What is the loss?”
Now, as I sit here with emptiness in my heart due to
your absence, I have a little idea of how valuable each
second was in your presence. No amount of money can
bring you back to this most unfortunate soul. Again, I
am feeling the bittersweet taste of separation from Your
Divine Grace.

2 106 2
As he grabbed his cane, he offered me his right
foot.
December 25, 1973 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

During this winter visit, we experienced extremely cold

days in Los Angeles with temperatures dropping to around 40
degrees. This weather, however, afforded me the opportunity
to render a little more service to Srila Prabhupada.
176 What is the Difficulty?

No matter how cold it was, Srila Prabhupada went on his

morning walk. When it was very cold, though, he wore long
underwear and socks. Srila Prabhupada appreciated me help-
ing him to put them on.
First, I got his long, thermal underwear, saffron of course,
and Srila Prabhupada sat on his bed already wearing his dhoti
and kurta. I pulled them over his lotus feet, one foot at a time,
bringing them up to his knees. While he was still sitting, I
put saffron socks on those beautiful, soft lotus feet. Then Srila
Prabhupada stood up and pulled his long johns up to his waist
while keeping his dhoti in place. He would then put on his
saffron sweater without my help. Then he went to his sitting
place, put on tilak and chanted Gayatri mantra.
If other devotees were in the room, they would also chant
Gayatri. Usually, this was not a good idea because Srila Pra-
bhupada always finished before his disciples. Their dilemma
then became trying to decide whether to stay frozen in their
brahminical pose and miss their Guru Maharaja walking out
the door, or to hurriedly get up and try to keep His Divine
Grace in their vision. I loved to watch this humorous scenario
unfold. Even though it seemed to happen in every temple, I
could never bring myself to warn my god-brothers. Being a
rascal, I speculated that Srila Prabhupada enjoyed seeing their
desperate looks as much as I did.
After chanting the Gayatri mantra, Srila Prabhupada stood
and I helped him put on his hooded saffron overcoat. Peacock
feathers hung like tassels at his neck. This favourite coat was
made by Jayasri dasi at the Honolulu Temple in 1970 and trav-
elled around the world with Srila Prabhupada for years. I can’t
imagine anyone but His Divine Grace wearing such a coat. He
looked glorious in it.
After buttoning his coat, Srila Prabhupada headed for the
front door. Generally, I had his shoes and cane waiting. As
he grabbed his cane, he offered me his right foot, which I slid
Twice Around the World 177

into his canvas shoe with the help of a shoehorn that I carried
around the world. Then, with his next step, I placed his other
shoe on his foot before it touched the ground. He did this all
in one smooth gesture. His economy of motion was amazing.
Once or twice, I allowed an eager disciple to perform this most
holy service, but after seeing Srila Prabhupada inconvenienced
by their awe as they awkwardly fumbled, I decided to hoard
the service for myself.
The gopis pray to become Lord Krishna’s flute, always in
touch with His lotus lips. I pray to become Srila Prabhupada’s
shoehorn.

Srila Prabhupada, you often told us that Krishna

Consciousness was a simple process. It doesn’t require
any special qualification. Whatever we know how to
do, we can do that for Krishna. I had no qualifications
to do any great service. I was not qualified to distribute
books or manage. Still you kindly engaged me in your
service. Patiently you tolerated me as I fumbled my way
through the day. Please allow me to continue to serve
your beautiful lotus feet.
See uvacha167 for another story about this wonderful coat.

2 107 2
“This is for you and your wife.”
January 3, 1974 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

Sixteen months before this visit, Srila Prabhupada had

warned me to stay out of the kitchen in New Dvaraka. Now his
words seemed somewhat prophetic. Nanda Kumar, by getting
married and leaving Srila Prabhupada’s personal service, had
178 What is the Difficulty?

demonstrated what could happen by associating with female

devotees while performing service in the kitchen. Unfortunate-
ly, I didn’t learn from his experience and now it was my turn to
be overwhelmed with desire.
In September of 1972, Srila Prabhupada instructed me to
prepare his meals in the servant’s quarters and stay out of the
temple kitchen. Due to illusion, I gradually became careless
regarding that instruction. History repeated itself and I found
myself standing in front of Srila Prabhupada asking if I could
remain in New Dvaraka to get married. My senior god-brothers
had tried to persuade me to stay with Srila Prabhupada, but I
was too far-gone. They also encouraged me to marry someone
else, but my mind was fixated on a particular girl. I was deter-
mined in my course of action.
As easily as I became Srila Prabhupada’s personal servant, I
quickly lost my most valued treasure due to my uncontrolled
senses. Within a few days, I abandoned my Guru Maharaja’s
personal service. Srila Prabhupada knew me completely. He
did not try to convince me to stay with him or try to stop me
from getting married.
After a few days, my ever-merciful spiritual master called me
to his room. I was consumed with guilt and shame as I trudged
toward His Divine Grace’s quarters. My senses were reeling.
The intelligent part of me realized I was putting personal sense
gratification before the intimate service of my spiritual master,
but the lusty part of me was hopelessly unbridled. The turmoil
churned within me. When I got to Srila Prabhupada’s lotus
feet, I awkwardly offered my humble obeisances. He kindly
spared my shame.
“Bring me my white bag,” he instructed.
This white bag travelled with Srila Prabhupada all over the
world. He kept all of his important papers, bankbooks, etc.. in
this bag. I walked into his bedroom, opened his metal Almirah
and took out the bag.
Twice Around the World 179

When I returned to his sitting room, I placed the white bag

on his desk and sat in front of him. I felt disoriented and out of
place not having been in his quarters for a few days. I felt I was
an intruder and did not belong in this hallowed place, this in-
ner sanctum of spirituality. I had no idea what was happening.
I knew I was making a very big mistake leaving him, but could
not stop myself from plunging headlong.
Srila Prabhupada opened the bag, took out two rings, and
gave them to me.
“This is for you and your wife,” he said.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was
feeling completely fallen, leaving my spiritual master to satisfy
my desires and he was presenting me with gifts and expressing
his gratitude for the service I had performed. It was not out of
character for my beloved Gurudeva. It was his normal course
of action. I accepted the gifts, as I had learned long ago that
when Srila Prabhupada wanted to give you something, it was
best to accept his mercy.
A few days later, he again called for me. I went into his room
and offered my obeisances.
“So, Kirtanananda Maharaja wants you to go back to New
Vrndavana with your new wife,” he said smiling.
“Citsukananda prabhu asked me to go to Caracas temple
and assist with the Deity worship,” I replied.
“Kirtanananda is anxious for you to return to New Vrnda-
vana,” he continued.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “I really do not have any interest
in going back.”
He smiled and nodded, understanding my determination. I
offered my obeisances and left the room.
On January 7, 1974, he sent a letter to Kirtanananda Maha-
raja that included the following:
“Regarding Srutakirti, I proposed to him that he go to New
180 What is the Difficulty?

Vrndavana, but he said he did not like farm work and so he

wants to go to Caracas and perform deity worship in the tem-
ple. So, I have already asked him, but I will say again, how you
require him at New Vrndavana and how he should work nicely
there with the cows, under your guidance.”
Srila Prabhupada did not ask me again. Knowing how stub-
born I was, he did not give me the chance to commit another
offence at his lotus feet. There were no long lectures. He never
tried to manipulate me in any way. He never made me feel
guilty. He showed compassion and appreciation for the service
I had performed. Srila Prabhupada’s amazing grace has never
been imitated.

Srila Prabhupada, if one’s level of purity is

evidenced by his acceptance of a situation as the mercy
of Krishna, then it proves you are the purest devotee of
the Lord. You accepted the inconvenience I created with
grace and kindness. Please forgive me for leaving you.
Thank you for never leaving me and allowing me to
return to your sweet, ever-merciful lotus feet.
 PART THREE

Six Months in India

July 24, 1974 to December 14, 1974

2 108 2
“Yes, that’s all right.”
July 24, 1974 ISKCON New Vrndavana, West Virginia

In early January, my wife and I left New Dvaraka and went

to Caracas, Venezuela. It was a wonderful experience for me.
My wife and I were the only initiated Brahmanas in the temple,
and were able to do most of the Deity worship. I gave many
classes, which usually turned into “Prabhupada nectar” class-
es. My classes had to be translated because I could not speak
Spanish and most of the devotees were non-English speaking.
After being in Caracas for a few months, the temple adminis-
tration changed, so I decided to leave.
We went to my hometown of Philadelphia and lived at my
mother’s house for a few months while I earned money to pay
182 What is the Difficulty?

her back for our airline tickets. While I was there, Kuladri dasa
telephoned from New Vrndavana and asked me to go there
with my wife. I finally agreed and arrived in New Vrndavana in
the beginning of July.
Being a householder in New Vrndavana was different from
the brahmacari life I had previously experienced. I had my own
room and wasn’t doing nearly as much service as I had done
two years earlier. Still, I experienced a discontent for farm life,
as I had travelled the world over and experienced devotional
service at temples on every continent.
Fortunately, good news arrived. Srila Prabhupada was com-
ing to stay for Janmastami week from July 18 until July 24.
When I left Srila Prabhupada in December of 1973, Satsvar-
upa Maharaja had become his personal servant. Satsvarupa
Maharaja personally served Srila Prabhupada for more than
seven months until His Divine Grace left New Dvaraka on July
15, 1974. When Srila Prabhupada arrived in New Vrndavana,
Brahmananda Maharaja was travelling with him as his secre-
tary, but he did not have a personal servant. I eagerly accepted
the opportunity of cooking for Srila Prabhupada and massag-
ing him while he stayed in New Vrndavana. Once again, my
life had meaning.
The day before Srila Prabhupada was to leave New Vrnda-
vana, Brahmananda Maharaja asked if I wanted to resume my
duties as Srila Prabhupada’s servant. The difficulty was His Di-
vine Grace was returning to India. It was a difficult choice.
The attraction was to serve Srila Prabhupada. The aversion was
living in India for six months, a place where my health had al-
ways been poor. My other choice was to remain with my wife
who was six months pregnant. I would also remain working
on the farm in New Vrndavana. I agonized over the decision,
but decided to go with Srila Prabhupada. Brahmananda Maha-
raja asked Srila Prabhupada if he wanted me to be his personal
servant once more.
Six Months in India 183

“Yes, that’s all right,” Srila Prabhupada said.

Srila Prabhupada never asked me what I had been doing dur-
ing for the last seven months. He never asked anything about
my wife. He didn’t tell me I had finally come to my senses. He
didn’t say he missed me or that it was difficult without me. He
said volumes to me by not saying anything at all.
Srila Prabhupada’s opulence of renunciation and austerity
were evidenced by his acceptance of whatever Krishna provid-
ed or didn’t provide. Whether His Divine Grace had a servant
or not, it didn’t matter. He never asked anything for himself.
Srila Prabhupada once said that an attached person pretends
to be detached, but a detached individual acts in a considerate,
loving manner. I saw Srila Prabhupada demonstrate this in his
daily life. Srila Prabhupada treated us all so lovingly, although
he was completely detached.
I began performing my duties as Srila Prabhupada’s serv-
ant as if I had never stopped. He was, and will always be, my
master, and I, his eternal servant. It is an eternally sweet rela-
tionship. I understood that Srila Prabhupada was allowing me
to perform devotional service by his causeless mercy. My only
qualification was the desire to serve him. I pray to continue
to serve him as if I had never left, even though I am always
fallen.

Srila Prabhupada, you are an unconditionally loving

personality. That is why Lord Caitanya picked you to
distribute the Holy Name throughout the world, without
regard for caste, creed, colour, or gender. You are the
most liberal avatar of all.
184 What is the Difficulty?

2 109 2
“I will show you how to make Rasgulla”
July 24, 1974 ISKCON New Vrndavana, West Virginia

I rejoined Srila Prabhupada after being away from him for

seven months.
One day, while in New Vrndavana, devotees discussed the
proper way to make rasgulla.
“I will show you how to make rasgulla,” Srila Prabhupada
told them. “You get everything ready.”
The devotees became very excited. For some, this would
be their first opportunity to see Srila Prabhupada work in the
kitchen. Srila Prabhupada first explained how to prepare the
curd and sugar water. When everything was in order Srila Pra-
bhupada entered the kitchen and began to cook. All eyes were
on His Divine Grace as he artfully coaxed the balls to rotate
in the syrup except for one sannyasi who was looking at the
rasgulla.
Srila Prabhupada chastised him saying, “You have already
half eaten these.”
After a while, Srila Prabhupada turned to Kirtanananda Ma-
haraja and said, “Now you can take over.”
The moment Srila Prabhupada took his hand off the spoon
the rasagullas collapsed, shrinking to half their size. Kirtan-
ananda Maharaja tried to save the offering, but it was useless.
They were ruined. A few of us tasted them to be sure, but un-
fortunately, they tasted terrible.
By the causeless mercy of the Spiritual Master, all things are
possible.
Six Months in India 185

2 110 2
“One can shave very simply with a blade,…”
August 15, 1974 ISKCON Vrndavana, India

During the seven months I had been away from Srila Prab-
hupada, I had married and increased my possessions. I brought
one of my new acquisitions, an electric shaver, to India.
One morning, while giving Srimad-Bhagavatam class, Srila
Prabhupada spoke about “ugra karma.”
“One can shave very simply with a blade,” he said. “There is
no difficulty, but now it becomes complicated. One must use
electricity. Noise is there and when it breaks then you cannot
shave. By trying to solve a small problem, so many other prob-
lems are made.”
He never said anything to me directly, but I knew he was
referring to the fact that, only an hour before, I had been shav-
ing in my servant’s quarters and this created a disturbance for
him.

Srila Prabhupada, on many occasions you would

give me instructions in this way, with such compassion.
Please forgive me for being so sensitive and unsubmissive
that you couldn’t just tell me what to do. Thank you for
allowing me to serve you. There is no reason for my
existence, except to serve your lotus feet.
186 What is the Difficulty?

2 111 2
“When I want to stop managing, I’ll stop.”
August 25, 1974 ISKCON Vrndavana, India

For several weeks, Srila Prabhupada had been very ill. He

was barely eating and required assistance to walk. After quite
a long time, his health improved to the relief of all of his dis-
ciples.
Some of the GBC members who were present there at the
time met to discuss relieving Srila Prabhupada from his man-
agerial duties. They hoped his health would improve if he
weren’t concerned with the daily management of ISKCON.
The GBC members called for a meeting in Srila Prabhupa-
da’s presence.
“Srila Prabhupada,” one member said.
“We’ve decided that we can handle all of the management
so you can be free to do your translating work. You don’t have
to worry about managing the society. We are competent to do
it.”
Srila Prabhupada was sitting behind his desk and he re-
sponded immediately in an angry tone.
“When I want you to manage,” he said, “When I want to
stop managing, I’ll stop. Don’t tell your spiritual master when
to give up the management. Who do you think you are, tell-
ing your spiritual master that he doesn’t have to manage any
more? I’m quite fit to know when I don’t want to manage.
When I decide I don’t want to do it, then I’ll stop managing.
That is up to me to decide. Not for you.”

Meeting adjourned! You were our general and you

were never going to leave the field of battle prematurely.
It was revealing to see how little some of the leaders
knew of your mood. From experience, I had a good
Six Months in India 187

idea what your response would be before you started

speaking. It is why I felt so safe and secure in your
company. You were going to do whatever you could to
ensure that your ISKCON would expand purely.
Srila Prabhupada, you always set the perfect example.
You did what you expected and desired us to do. You
never gave up your service. So often, you told your
disciples to take care of the management so that you
would be free to translate peacefully. Fortunately for
us, you never renounced what you sometimes referred
to as ‘your duty’. You took as your life and soul, the
mission given to you by your Spiritual Master, to print
books in English and preach to the Westerners. You
never gave up that service. All glories to you and your
disciples who take your order as their life and soul.

2 112 2
“Eighty Percent Are Not Following”
August 31, 1974 ISKCON Vrndavana, India

Srila Prabhupada arrived in Vrndavana, on August 2,

1974. He was hoping to have the opening of the Krishna Balar-
ama Mandir at that time but the construction was not finished
so the opening was postponed until the Gaura Purnima festival
of 1975. He was not pleased with the delays. That wasn’t the
most difficult situation for me to deal with. Soon after arriving
in Vrndavana Srila Prabhupada became very ill. It lasted for
almost six weeks.
This was not the first time I had been with Srila Prabhupada
during the course of an illness. While at the Sydney temple in
February of 1973, he had a very painful infection on his right
index finger. It caused throbbing for some days. Srila Prabhu-
188 What is the Difficulty?

pada had sandalwood paste made and applied it to his finger

but it didn’t offer much relief. At the request of his disciples,
he took some medicine for it. He said that it was specifically
caused by fallen disciples not following the rules and regula-
tions.
The illness in Vrndavana was much more frightening for his
disciples. He had a very high fever and having no appetite ate
almost nothing for over two weeks. His body was so weak that
when he wanted to use the bathroom I would help him out
of bed and walk behind him with my arms under his armpits.
News spread very quickly all over the world of his condition.
Some devotees feared they would never see Srila Prabhupada
again. He authorized a letter that was sent to all temples in-
forming them to perform 24-hour kirtan to pray for his re-
covery. He said, “Kirtan is what actually gives us life.” For the
last two weeks of August 1974 devotees all around the world
performed kirtan vigils all day and night.
The mood was very sombre and intense. I’ve already de-
scribed how he asked that his disciples shouldn’t touch his
feet saying, “By their touching I have to suffer. Even they may
not be trying to achieve some goal by touching my feet. Still,
the spiritual master has to suffer by accepting their sinful reac-
tions.” Now Srila Prabhupada said things to me that I couldn’t
comprehend. It was very disturbing. These words cut through
my heart. He mentioned it to me on two separate occasions
during his illness saying, “One of my disciples is simply wait-
ing ‘when will the old man die so that I can become guru’”.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I never imagined the
day that Srila Prabhupada wouldn’t be with us. I was young
and naive and thought that Srila Prabhupada would be with
us until he was at least 100 years old. Thoughts of his being
gone and others giving initiation had never been a subject of
conversation.
He sat up in his bed and looking at me said, “This illness
Six Months in India 189

is because 80% of the leaders are not following the rules and
regulations.” He didn’t elaborate on his words and I certainly
didn’t ask any questions at the time. Previously Srila Prabhu-
pada had told us that at the time of initiation, Krishna relieves
the new initiate of all karma due to past sinful acts. However,
the spiritual master accepts some of his disciple’s karma, and
suffers the reactions and this will sometimes cause illness. We
all knew the importance of strictly following his orders. Srila
Prabhupada knew how fallen his American and European dis-
ciples were. Still he continued to travel, preach, and make dis-
ciples all over the world. On September 14, 1974, Srila Prabhu-
pada wrote Jayatirtha prabhu a letter and said the following:
“Regarding my retiring and resting in Hawaii, if Krishna de-
sires I shall do it. I like Hawaii very much. Somehow or other
secure that house. I am anxious to go there. Although I am
Indian, I see now that the Indian climate does not suit me very
much. The sickness I had, I never had such experience in the
foreign countries. I think the dangerous point is now over, and
I am improving slowly. Not only that but also several mem-
bers have fallen sick in this season in Vrndavana. I am very
much anxious for all of them. Even Srutakirti has to return.
His health is not very suitable. Similarly, Bharadraja has also
fallen sick. So kindly arrange for their dispatch to L.A.”
I didn’t leave at that time. By Srila Prabhupada’s mercy, I re-
mained with him for another three months before returning to
Hawaii to regain my health. After leaving Vrndavana Srila Pra-
bhupada travelled to Mayapur, remained there for one month,
and then went to Juhu where he stayed for three months.
While there, he wrote to one GBC. “I am very much depressed
by the recent incidences in Germany. It is now evident that
some of our top men are very much ambitious and there have
been so many fall-downs.” He continued saying he wanted to
meet with and rectify those having difficulties. This is always
how Srila Prabhupada dealt with his disciples. He never gave
190 What is the Difficulty?

up on us, never rejected us. He would stop everything to try

to help us when we struggled. He did all that was necessary to
train his disciples, translate books, manage temples and spread
the chanting of the Holy Name to every town and village of the
world. He was unaffected by the three fold miseries and com-
pletely transcendental.

Srila Prabhupada, you always had complete faith

in the order given by your Spiritual Master. You
accepted every difficult situation that we placed before
you without complaint. Your example was always of
a completely surrendered soul. From the moment you
started your ISKCON society you protected it from
difficulties from within and without. You did all this
while being so patient with us despite our creating
havoc in your society.
You have always showered your causeless mercy
upon me and continue to do so. Allow me to remain
in the association of your followers so that I can share
your transcendental activities with them. Let me remain
part of your ISKCON and never go away just as you
will never leave my side.

2 113 2
“This Upma is very first class.”
September 15, 1974 ISKCON Vrndavana, India

One would think that being in Vrndavana with Srila Pra-

bhupada would have been the most blissful situation, but this
seven-week period was very difficult. Srila Prabhupada was
extremely ill, so we were in tremendous anxiety. It appeared
he might leave us at any moment. He had eaten very little for
Six Months in India 191

a prolonged period of time and as a result, he had very little

strength.
One morning he called me into his sitting room. He was sit-
ting up in his bed. “You can make me some upma like I have
shown you,” he said in a soft voice.
It seemed like a peculiar request since he hadn’t been eating.
It was also difficult for me to understand why he wanted me to
do it, since Yamuna was present and more qualified than I to
cook for Srila Prabhupada. I went to the kitchen, told her his
request, and asked if there were any vegetables available. Un-
fortunately, there were no fresh vegetables in the kitchen, but
she did have some dried peas. Since time was of the essence,
I made the upma with the dried peas, after re hydrating them
as quickly as possible. We were excited that Srila Prabhupada
had asked to eat something cooked since he had been eating
only sliced oranges.
I remembered, though, that in the past, he had asked me to
prepare his favourite dishes in order to increase his appetite.
He personally taught me how to make a preparation and if I
were able to recreate it then he would ask me to make it every
day for a week. Perhaps, on this day, he was thinking about the
upma he had taught me to make. I recalled him teaching me
to make a wet cauliflower & potato vegetable with fried curd
at Bhaktivedanta Manor. In New Dvaraka, he came into the
servant quarters and told me to get a head of cabbage and some
potatoes. He instructed me in the art of finely shredding cab-
bage with a knife and sautéing it in a wok with cubed potatoes
to create a delicious cabbage-potato subji. I felt fortunate that
he had asked me to serve him.
When completed, I brought Srila Prabhupada the upma.
Placing it on the chowki, I placed the small table in front of
him on his bed. I offered my obeisances and left the room.
Along with a few devotees, I anxiously waited in the kitchen,
hoping that Srila Prabhupada would enjoy the offering and eat
192 What is the Difficulty?

all of it. After about five minutes, Srila Prabhupada rang the
bell. I hurried back into his sitting room and eyed the scarcely
eaten upma. I offered my obeisances and as I looked up my
glorious spiritual master looked at me in a loving way.
“This upma was first-class,” he said. “I couldn’t eat very
much because I have no appetite, but I want you to know that
it was very good. I thought that if you prepared something I
liked, I could eat, but it is not possible. I ate a little bit and it
tasted very good.”
“Thank you, Srila Prabhupada,” I replied with great appre-
ciation.
I picked up the plate and the chowki and left the room.

Srila Prabhupada, I was always amazed by the

kind way you dealt with me. Throughout the world,
there were thousands of devotees engaged in 24-hour
kirtan and praying to the Supreme Lord for you to stay
with us. Still, you took the time to see that your lowly
servant was not upset because you didn’t eat the upma.
Even though you were ill, you encouraged me. You were
always transcendental and thinking of others, no matter
how you felt personally. I hope that one day I can care
about you a fraction of the amount that you cared for
me. I wanted to please you that day, and knowing this,
you reciprocated by filling my heart with joy.

2 114 2
“She is my sister.”
September 17, 1974 ISKCON Vrndavana, India

Srila Prabhupada stayed in Vrndavana for six weeks.

During this time, he was very ill. In many temples around the
Six Months in India 193

world, 24-hour kirtan was being held. His sister, Pishima was
also staying at the temple in Vrndavana much of the time. She
was concerned and wanted to see her brother as often as she
could.
One of my duties was to minimize this as much as possible.
It was not an easy or enjoyable service. It was no coincidence
that Pishima’s powerful determination was similar to Srila Pra-
bhupada’s. She never listened to me. In fact, she would become
quite upset and angry with me. She had a way of slipping into
his room when no one noticed.
After one of her visits, Srila Prabhupada called me into his
room.
“I am a sannyasi,” he said. “It is not good that she stays in
the room when no one else is present. Even she is my sister .
. . Because she is my sister she cannot understand it. I cannot
have a woman in the room with me, even though she is my
sister.”
One afternoon I walked into the servant’s quarters, which
was also my bedroom, and she was sleeping in my bed. I was
amazed. I hurried into Srila Prabhupada’s room, where he was
sitting at his desk. I offered my obeisances and had a look of
anxiety on my face.
“Prabhupada, “I said. “Your sister is sleeping in my bed. I
don’t know what to do.”
“She cannot,” he said. “You tell her! She must be told that
she can’t be doing these things. It is not good. They’ll talk.”
Srila Prabhupada was referring to the local sannyasis, caste
gosvamis, and god-brothers who might criticize our beloved
Gurudeva. Srila Prabhupada often said that everything must
be first-class while in Vrndavana or we would not be taken
seriously. As always, him being the acarya, he set an example
for us.
“It is not good that she is spending so much time like this,”
he continued.
194 What is the Difficulty?

“Prabhupada, I can’t say anything to her,” I anxiously ex-

plained. “She won’t listen to me. She only listens to you.”
That day he spoke to her for quite a while. I don’t know
what the conversation was about, but I do know that when I
went to the servant’s quarters the following day, I cautiously
peeked into the room and there she was, sleeping in my room,
quite soundly. I gave up. I left the area and found a spot on the
other side of Srila Prabhupada’s room. She knew her brother
was transcendental and it didn’t matter to her what anyone
else thought in regards to her being a woman. She was his sis-
ter. Her resolve to be near her pure devotee brother was much
greater than my ability to prevent her from doing so. She did
whatever she had to do, to get Srila Prabhupada’s association. I
later mentioned to him that she had been in my room again.
“She is my sister,” he compassionately said. “She wants to be
around me.” At the end of 1977, Satsvarupa Maharaja told
me that Srila Prabhupada had asked her forgiveness for his of-
fences.
“Sometimes you may have come to see me and my disciples
have not let you in,” he told her.

I beg forgiveness from Bhavatarini for my many

offences that I committed while trying to do my service.
I beg that in the future my love for Srila Prabhupada
will develop to the degree displayed by his sister. By her
determination, she was able to be Srila Prabhupada’s
younger sister and assist him throughout their lives. I
pray to have the same desire that Bhavatarini had to
serve the lotus feet of Srila Prabhupada life after life.
Six Months in India 195

2 115 2
“I didn’t want to disturb you because you were
resting.”
September 18, 1974 ISKCON Vrndavana, India

During the time Srila Prabhupada was ill, there was a great
deal of activity going on. His living quarters were in the final
stages of construction, and other projects were going on just
outside his room. The temple and the guesthouse were being
erected, so loud sounds of building filled the atmosphere. Srila
Prabhupada had been eating so little that he had become very
weak. When he needed to go from one room to another, one or
two disciples assisted him.
The summer air was extremely hot, so we set up his bed on
his back porch because it was cooler than his sitting room.
In the evening, he rested outside. Even though work was be-
ing done on the porch and garden area, there was just enough
room for his bed. When it was time to take rest at night, I
helped him get into his bed and then climbed under the mos-
quito net with him to massage his legs. After the massage, I put
a straw mat under his bed for me to sleep. The mosquito net
was attached to his bedposts and extended to the floor, so I was
also covered by the net. I spent each night sleeping directly
under His Divine Grace’s bed, so if he needed anything, I was
immediately available.
This was the first time I slept next to Srila Prabhupada. He
wanted me close by, so if he had to get up, I could help him
walk. It was a very grave situation. I thought of myself as my
master’s dog, lying on the ground by his bedside waiting for
an opportunity to serve him. I considered this to be my actual
position.
One night at about 1:00 a.m., I awoke to the sound of a stick
falling by my head onto the brick floor. When I opened my
196 What is the Difficulty?

eyes, I saw my beloved spiritual master lying on the ground

beside me. Horrified, I immediately clasped my Gurudeva un-
der his arms and lifted him back onto the bed. The sound I had
heard was Srila Prabhupada’s cane falling to the ground as he
fell over attempting to walk. I instantly became wide awake
and filled with fear.
“Srila Prabhupada, what are you doing?” I asked. “Why
didn’t you call me?”
“Oh, I needed to go to the bathroom,” he replied softly and
apologetically. “I thought I could make it on my own and I
didn’t want to disturb you because you were resting.”
I knew Srila Prabhupada was humble, but this shocked me.
I was angry that he didn’t wake me up and I began to respect-
fully chastise him.
“No, Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “There is no disturbance!
That is why I am here. You are very weak. You should have
called me.”
“I thought I had the strength,” he said. “But, I can see I have
no strength at all.”
Standing behind him, I placed my hands under his arms
and walked him into his bathroom. I waited outside the door.
When he was finished, I helped him walk back to his bed on
the porch. The next day, he did not make any fuss about what
had happened, nor did he complain to any one of any injury
that may have occurred. It was another day in the life of the
pure devotee. He was truly unaffected by conditions that re-
lated to his body. He was concerned that everything was going
on nicely with the temple construction.
Srila Prabhupada exhibited humility in all circumstances.
Sometimes he would call me into his room. When I entered,
he would say in a humble tone, “Could you prepare something
for me now?” Amazed by his humility I would reply, “Yes, Pra-
bhupada, I have nothing else to do but serve you. That is why
I am here.”
Six Months in India 197

Sometimes, while waiting in his room to go on his morning

walk, he would say to the devotees who were present, “Can
we go now?” He was always refined and dignified. Everything
he said, every move he made, allowed us to become more at-
tracted to him.

Srila Prabhupada, there is nothing I can say to

properly glorify your activities. Anyone fortunate
enough to have had your personal association knows
that you are the total embodiment of all transcendental
qualities. You have given me reason to live. When I
think of your falling to the ground as I slept, it deeply
saddens me. I should have been awake, watching and
guarding your beautiful form. However, I am certain
that you didn’t regard this as something lacking on my
part. That is because of your great humility. It is this
quality that keeps me addicted to your lotus feet. Thank
you for being my divine, loving spiritual father.

2 116 2
“I have to go out and speak something.”
September 19, 1974 ISKCON Vrndavana, India

While Srila Prabhupada was ill, there was difficulty with

the construction of the temple. My knowledge of what occurred
is limited because I only heard bits and pieces of conversa-
tions in Srila Prabhupada’s room. There had been a problem
procuring cement. This, of course, created major setbacks in
completing the project. A politician from Mathura was willing
to supply a large quantity of cement, and was due to visit the
temple to observe what was being done.
Srila Prabhupada was determined to attend the program
198 What is the Difficulty?

at the temple in honour of this gentleman. This caused great

concern for his disciples who didn’t want Srila Prabhupada to
expend so much energy. Some were advising His Divine Grace
not to attend because he was very weak and had a high fever.
“This man has come,” he said. “I have to go out and speak
something.”
The day of the gentleman’s arrival, I helped Srila Prabhu-
pada put on fresh clothing. After that, he applied tilak. When
he was leaving his quarters, he asked me,” Tilaka, have I put
on my tilak yet?”
I told him that he had put it on.
“Okay, let’s go,” he said nodding.
I couldn’t believe his determination. His fever was so high,
yet he was still focused on his mission of spreading the Krishna
Consciousness movement. He did not consider his condition.
It was an opportunity to preach the glories of the Supreme
Lord. We carried Srila Prabhupada to the temple where he gave
a short lecture and publicly expressed his appreciation to the
politician for helping to complete the construction.
Toward the end of Srila Prabhupada’s illness, I contracted
malaria and was confined to bed for a few days. Actually, I was
on my mat on the floor of the servant’s quarters. Srila Prabhu-
pada’s health was beginning to improve and he was walking
without assistance. As he walked past the servant’s quarters,
he saw me lying on the floor. Some devotees were in the room
taking prasadam.
“What is he doing on the floor?” Srila Prabhupada asked.
“He is very ill. Get him a bed.”
He looked at me with a compassionate glance, just as I was
in the middle of a malaria attack.
“Have you been given anything?” he asked.
“No, Prabhupada,” I said.
He turned to Palika and said, “Make him some hot lemon-
Six Months in India 199

ade and take care of him.”

I can’t remember if I took any medicine, but it wasn’t long
before I was out of bed. It was a wonderful feeling to know that
you cared so much about me, Srila Prabhupada. You always
made me feel special. A year ago, I was asked at a 26 Second
Avenue reunion if you ever treated any of your disciples “spe-
cial.” I didn’t have to think long before saying, “Yes! All of
them.”

If there were one service I could perform for you,

it would be to try to express how much love you have
for all your followers and how much appreciation you
have for their assisting you in your mission. If I can
realize the depth of your love for me, I would never be
distracted from serving your golden lotus feet, not even
for one second. I beg for the intelligence to comprehend
a fraction of your love for me.

2 117 2
“Tell him to stop speaking now.”
September 20, 1974 ISKCON Vrndavana, India

To everyone’s relief, Srila Prabhupada began to recover

from his illness. As his health improved, he spent an hour,
every evening, sitting in a chair under the tamala tree in the
temple courtyard and listening to his disciples give class. He
wasn’t sitting with them, but observing the class from a short
distance. Sometimes he enjoyed listening to his senior disci-
ples speak and sometimes I heard him review the lecture. He
was an attentive listener. I can recall while travelling with him,
he would sometimes ask a disciple to speak in his presence. My
heart would stop, fearing that he would ask me. I was happy
200 What is the Difficulty?

when I realized that Srila Prabhupada was aware of my lack of

philosophical understanding. He never put me on the spot.
One evening, the temple commander gave a class. Srila Pra-
bhupada sat comfortably in his chair while I sat at his feet on
the marble floor. Srila Prabhupada’s disciple began to speak
about the importance of following the temple program. Some
of the devotees were not strictly following the schedule and the
temple commander was using the class as a means to encour-
age the devotees to be more careful. He began to chastise a
French devotee for not attending the morning class.
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand English,” he said.
“It is transcendental sound vibration.”
He continued to speak harshly. Finally, Srila Prabhupa-
da said to me, “Tell him to stop speaking now. He has been
speaking long enough.” I relayed the message and the devotee
stopped speaking.
A few days later, the same temple commander was lecturing
in the same way.
“These lectures should only be half an hour,” he told me.
“Otherwise, no one is going to listen. He is talking too much.
Tell him half an hour only.”
I immediately went to the speaker and relayed Srila Prab-
hupada’s message. I didn’t ask, but it seemed that it wasn’t so
much the length of the lecture that disturbed His Divine Grace,
but the fact that the speaker was giving more of an istagosthi
than a class from the Sastra. Observing Srila Prabhupada’s opu-
lence of renunciation, one could see that once His Divine Grace
gave a personal instruction, he was done. He never belaboured
a point or belittled anyone. He was interested in training his
disciples so they could advance in spiritual life.
One evening, as Srila Prabhupada sat in his chair in the
courtyard and I sat on the marble floor next to his glorious
lotus feet, I asked him to elaborate on a statement he had made
earlier while in his sitting room.
Six Months in India 201

“When the Indians touch my feet,” he said, “They are sim-

ply looking for some material benediction. Therefore, don’t let
anyone touch my feet because I will have to take their sinful
reaction and then I will get sick and it will cause more weak-
ness.”
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said during class. “When your dis-
ciples touch your lotus feet, they are trying to show respect.
They are not interested in material profit.”
“Yes, that’s there,” he knowingly replied. “But, still, I have
to suffer. Even they may not be trying to achieve some goal by
touching my feet; still, the spiritual master has to suffer by ac-
cepting their sinful reactions.”
He stayed in the courtyard a while longer. I sat by him, de-
lighted he had decided to stay with his spiritual children. He
was concerned about keeping healthy and not leaving us on
our own.

Srila Prabhupada, my desire is to live in the past. My

understanding is that your pastimes on this planet are
eternal. Therefore, I can always be with you simply by
remembering your beautiful lotus feet resting softly on
the courtyard floor of the Krishna Balarama Mandir.
Thank you, for allowing me to touch your feet daily.
Forgive me for forcing the reactions of my sinful life
upon you. Please, don’t kick me away.

2 107 2
“You have kept me alive….”
September 21, 1974 ISKCON Vrndavana, India

As Srila Prabhupada’s health improved, I became more

conscious of my own bodily discomfort. I hadn’t been as care-
202 What is the Difficulty?

ful as I should have been in India. As a result, I contracted ma-

laria, had difficulty with digestion and developed colitis. Srila
Prabhupada noticed I had lost weight. My spirits were low.
Undoubtedly, some of my weakness was due to the stress of
being responsible for Srila Prabhupada’s well-being during his
illness. Subsequently, after losing my energy and strength, I
developed an aversion to living in India.
I went to Srila Prabhupada’s secretary, Brahmananda Ma-
haraja, and discussed the possibility of my returning to Los
Angeles to regain my health. I asked him to talk with Srila Pra-
bhupada. I was ashamed to speak to His Divine Grace myself,
because I couldn’t reconcile the idea of leaving his personal
service. I knew in my heart that it was wrong. Brahmananda
Maharaja spoke with Srila Prabhupada about my desires.
Later, Srila Prabhupada called me into his room. I nervously
entered his room and offered my obeisances. He was sitting
behind his desk. I was so ashamed of myself; I hung my head
and was unable to look at him.
“So, you are not feeling well?” he asked.
“No, Prabhupada,” I said. “I have been feeling ill for some
time.”
“You want to go back to Los Angeles and regain your
health?” he asked.
“Yes, Srila Prabhupada,” I timidly said. “If it is all right with
you?”
“Yes, of course,” he said sweetly. “You have kept me alive for
the last month. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here now.
How can I not want you to be healthy? You have done so many
things. You must take care of yourself. There is no problem
in getting someone. There are so many people here in India.
Anyone can do your service.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. His humility was overwhelming. I
offered my obeisances and walked out of his sitting room filled
with emotion. I was on top of the world. Hearing Srila Prab-
Six Months in India 203

hupada say that I had been responsible for saving his life filled
me with ecstasy. I knew he was constantly protected by Lord
Krishna, but nonetheless, the recognition he showered upon
me was undeniably sweet. Simultaneously, I felt lower than
the straw in the street. How could I leave such a magnanimous
personality? My mind was reeling for the rest of the day.
That evening, I accompanied Srila Prabhupada to the temple
courtyard where he sat down under the tamala tree. As I sat by
his lotus feet, I began thinking how crazy I was. There was no
sweeter place in the entire universe than sitting at his golden
lotus feet.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I finally said. “I can’t leave. It isn’t the
right thing to do. I should just remain here and depend on
Krishna.”
“Yes, this is very good;” he said smiling broadly. “Because
you are sincere, Krishna will give you all facilities to perform
your service.”
I felt great relief knowing I was doing the right thing.
I remained in India with Srila Prabhupada for three more
months before leaving his personal service for the second
time.

Srila Prabhupada, every day, as I write, I become sad

thinking of all the opportunities I missed by not having
your personal association, due to my lack of Krishna
Consciousness. Today, I am happy knowing that no
matter what service I render, you are transcendentally
pleased, provided my desire to serve you is sincere.
204 What is the Difficulty?

2 119 2
“I think we shall go to Kuruksetra.”
September 22, 1974 Kuruksetra, India

You lived your life in an exemplary manner as demon-

strated by the following incident that took place on September
22, 1974.
During the previous six weeks while staying in Vrndavana,
you had been very ill with an intermittent temperature of 103
to 105 degrees. For weeks, you ate only some pieces of orange
and a few grapes. Twenty-four hour kirtans were being per-
formed by your concerned disciples worldwide. You said your
ailment could not be cured by medicine because your illness
was due to 80% of the leaders in ISKCON who were not strictly
following the rules and regulations. In spite of your condition,
you had one overwhelming desire, to preach Krishna Con-
sciousness
As soon as you began to recover, you left Vrndavana to visit
your other centres in India. Your first stop was Delhi where
you planned to rest for one day before continuing to Kolkata
and on to Mayapur. The devotees were always enthusiastic to
receive the blessing of your presence. Soon after arriving in
Delhi, you were offered the chance to speak at a Bhagavad Gita
discourse in Kuruksetra.
You replied, “These meetings are useless. These people will
never accept Krishna. What is the use of going out there and
talking? It would be a waste of my time.” We were relieved that
you did not want to take such a difficult ride in the hot sum-
mer so soon after such a serious illness.
As the conversation progressed, you said you would con-
sider accepting the invitation and thus take the opportunity to
preach. You very sweetly told us to deliberate on the matter
and advise you as to what we thought was the best course of
Six Months in India 205

action. Of course taking into consideration your fragile condi-

tion, we had all thought the long trip would be too stressful.
You often gave us the chance to serve in this way. It was very
sweet how you engaged us. You always remained independent,
but you allowed us to meditate on taking care of you. Now
your secretary discussed it with other GBC men and sannyasis.
They again concluded that you were still too weak to take a
long automobile drive to and from Kuruksetra. Initially, you
agreed with them.
Around 2 pm, I heard your bell ring. I went into your room
and offered obeisances. You said, “Get everyone.” Your disci-
ples entered the room eager to hear from their spiritual master.
You said, “I think we shall go to Kuruksetra. This is my duty. I
cannot give up this opportunity to preach. It won’t be so diffi-
cult. We can leave in the morning before sunrise. The ride will
be about two hours.” Then looking at everyone with the com-
passion of the pure devotee you asked rhetorically, “Is that all
right?” Your secretary, Brahmananda Maharaja said, “If that is
what you want Srila Prabhupada, we can arrange everything.”
You arrived in Kuruksetra in the scorching heat with a few
disciples. Your host took you on a short tour to visit some
nearby temples, and then to your guest quarters. Later you
were escorted to the pandal and seated in the midst of several
so-called sadhus, many with beards and long hair. They were
eager for you to be present for they all knew that you were
famous all over the world.
They appreciated your vapu manifestation but feared your
vani, so consequently they weren’t eager to have you speak,
knowing your reputation as a no nonsense Krishna bhakta.
You looked glorious sitting amongst them, like the full moon
amongst so many twinkling stars.
As the various speakers pontificated, you sat impatiently
listening to their rhetoric. They talked in Hindi and English
about unity, understanding and religious tolerance. With emo-
206 What is the Difficulty?

tions heightened, you sat in a chair with your jaw clenched,

your foot tapping on the stage. You became angrier at each
passing minute as the speakers talked of peace and dharma.
The mutual admiration society of pseudo sadhus continued
praising one another with delight. They revelled in the com-
ing together of so many holy persons, to bring about the un-
dertaking of a new temple there. You sat still like a lion about
to pounce.
Finally, without any introduction you stood and began to
roar in Hindi. We, your disciples, could understand some of
what you were saying. “Sarva-dharman parityajya...mam ekam
sharanam vraja...aham tvam sarya-papebhyo...mokshayisyami
ma sucah.” Your lecture was short, fiery and conclusive. At
the end of your speech, you walked back to the car with your
disciples. Everyone scattered and began leaving the assembly.
After getting into the car, you turned to us and said enthu-
siastically, “So, you could understand the lecture? I spoke
in Hindi, but, you could understand some?” We all smiled
broadly, feeling your pleasure and said, “We understood the
purport of what you were saying.” “Yes!” you said, “This is
all nonsense. These people, they will never get anywhere be-
cause they do not accept Krishna. This is their business. This
is their idea. Here in India, they try to make unity, but they
never accept Krishna. Why they speak of Bhagavad Gita? You
shouldn’t speak of Bhagavad Gita unless you are accepting
Krishna.” Chuckling, you continued, “How you are in the land
of Krishna, Kuruksetra, where Krishna spoke on the battlefield
to Arjuna, and not one person has mentioned Krishna. You
are talking about Bhagavad Gita...talking about Kuruksetra...
Krishna spoke Bhagavad Gita...Krishna was here in Kurukse-
tra...and not one of you mentioned anything about Krishna.”
You enthusiastically defended your dearmost Lord and we
were proud to follow in your transcendental footsteps.
Srila Prabhupada, you accepted so much inconvenience to
Six Months in India 207

spread the glories of Krishna. In spite of illness, advanced age

and extreme heat you pushed on. Your incredible feat at Ku-
ruksetra was punctuated by a severe typhoon. As our car drove
on, huge Eucalyptus trees fell in front of us, uprooted onto
the road, I wondered how the storms were devastating the
pandal back at Kuruksetra. Krishna guided you, Srila Prabhu-
pada safely through torrential rains and manoeuvred your car
through many obstacles on the road. It was a dramatic conclu-
sion to a successful day.
It was your pleasure to fight triumphantly for Krishna on the
battlefield of Kuruksetra. You always relished speaking about
Krishna, your dear most friend. In this way, you are most dear
to the Lord.

I pray that my only desire is to serve you with the same

eagerness that you have served your Guru Maharaja,
for you have spread the glories of Lord Krishna under
all circumstances, up to your last breath. I pray to
serve your mission birth after birth.

2 120 2
“I believe they call it percolating.”
September 22, 1974 ISKCON Delhi, India

Srila Prabhupada’s Mastery of English

Srila Prabhupada often adapted the English language to

suit his requirements, usually with humourous results. One
day for example, while on a morning walk in Hawaii, he looked
out into the ocean and momentarily watched the surfers.
“You call them surfers,” he said laughing. “I call them suf-
ferers.”
208 What is the Difficulty?

Sometimes when he spoke of the democratic form of gov-

ernment in the United States, he used the word “demon crazy”
instead of “democracy.” Both words were very appropriate.
When I was first with Srila Prabhupada, he sometimes rang
his bell and when I entered the room he would ask, “Where is
punditji?” This was an affectionate term for his Sanskrit editor.
After several months, his Sanskrit editor was not always read-
ily available. Srila Prabhupada would then call me to his room
and ask, “Where is banditji?”
In Delhi, Brahmananda dasa and I were sitting in Srila Pra-
bhupada’s quarters. I began drying the floor around Srila Pra-
bhupada’s clay water pot because water was seeping through
and collecting on the floor.
“Srila Prabhupada,” Brahmananda said. “The water is com-
ing out of the pot a little.”
“Yes, I believe they call it percolating,” Srila Prabhupada
said. “Is that right Brahmananda?”
“I really don’t know, but I don’t think so. Srila Prabhupada,”
Brahmananda answered.
We both thought his description was close, but not quite
correct. We had been brought up hearing the term daily be-
cause our parents drank coffee that was brewed in a percola-
tor. Brahmananda, an English major, looked up the word in
the dictionary and found Srila Prabhupada’s description to be
most accurate.
One of my favourite memories of Srila Prabhupada adapting
the English language occurred during an evening massage in
New Dvaraka. Srila Prabhupada was lying in bed on his back.
Kneeling on the floor next to his bed, I massaged his legs. Smil-
ing, he looked at me and pointed to his feet.
“Do my fingers,” he said.
I became confused and knelt motionless for a few seconds.
He pointed to his toes again and began to wiggle them. He had
a bigger smile on his face and said, “My fingers, massage my
Six Months in India 209

fingers.”
I finally realized what he meant.
“Oh! Your toes,” I said. “You want me to massage your
toes.”
Still smilingly broadly, he said, “Yes! My fingers. Do my fin-
gers.”
He gave me this same instruction three other times dur-
ing his evening massage. He waited just long enough between
massages so that I didn’t remember what he was talking about.
Each time Srila Prabhupada said it to me I was caught off guard
and would have to stop massaging for a moment.

Srila Prabhupada, all of your disciples are able to

experience the sweetness of serving you in a variety of
ways. In your absence, I can only experience it by telling
them about your extraordinary sweetness. I am spoiled
and don’t no know how to go on without it. Spreading the
Holy Name of Krishna around the world was thought
to be impossible by many. I think it is impossible to
describe the sweetness of your personality. I pray never
to forget the sweetness. It is all that keeps me alive.

2 121 2
“Mustard Seed Oil is very tasty.”
September 25, 1974 ISKCON Kolkata, India

While staying at the Kolkata Temple in 1973, I became

aware of Srila Prabhupada’s fondness for Bengali cooking.
Amazingly, during my tenure of personal service to my belov-
ed Srila Prabhupada, His Divine Grace didn’t eat Bengali-style
prasadam very often. Even when he stayed at the Kolkata and
Mayapur temples, he regularly honoured prasadam prepared
210 What is the Difficulty?

by his western disciples. The difficulty with the wonderful

Bengali preparations, although quite tasty, was that they often
contained mustard oil.
“It is difficult for me to digest,” Srila Prabhupada would
comment.
One day at the Kolkata temple, Tamala Krishna Maharaja
entered Srila Prabhupada’s room and offered his obeisances.
Sitting comfortably behind his desk, Srila Prabhupada looked
as effulgent as ever.
“Haven’t you said that mustard oil is for the outside of the
body and ghee is for the inside?” Tamala Krishna inquired.
“Yes,” Srila Prabhupada said, smiling.
“Then doesn’t that mean that we shouldn’t use mustard oil
in our cooking?” Tamala Krishna Maharaja continued. “Some-
times, some of the devotees are using mustard oil in their cook-
ing. I don’t think it is a good idea.”
“Well, it is true,” Srila Prabhupada, said. “But, mustard oil is
very tasty. It makes the vegetables taste first-class. Therefore,
in Bengal, everyone uses mustard oil in their cooking. It is very
palatable.”
When Srila Prabhupada stayed in Bengal, his sister would
sometimes come to the temple and cook for him. This was a
mixed blessing. It was known by many that Srila Prabhupada’s
sister, Pishima, would smuggle mustard oil into the temple
kitchen under her sari to use in her cooking for her beloved
brother. Like Srila Prabhupada, Pishima had a way of listening
to what we had to say and then doing whatever she wanted.
Srila Prabhupada ate whatever she cooked and occasionally
would complain afterwards saying, “Her cooking has made me
ill.”
Using deadpan humour, he continued, “I think she is trying
to kill me.”
Sometimes I would chastise him like a parent saying, “Pra-
bhupada, you are not getting sick when you eat from your
Six Months in India 211

cooker, but when you eat what your sister cooks then you get
sick.”
“Yes! Don’t give me anything else,” he replied with convic-
tion. “Let me eat what you cook. If my sister gives me some-
thing, you eat it, if you like. I don’t want to eat it.”
I became very enlivened by his determination to follow my
instructions. Of course, when it came to eating, he never fol-
lowed anyone’s instructions for long. He always did what he
liked. Once, one of Srila Prabhupada’s god-nephews, a Bengali
brahmacari, visited Srila Prabhupada at his Juhu flat. He was
a very good cook and offered to cook Srila Prabhupada su-
kta, a bitter vegetable stew. I watched the young devotee as he
expertly deep-fried large slices of vegetable, including bitter
melon. When he had finished, there was a large pot of very bit-
ter and very oily soup. Srila Prabhupada relished every bite.
“This is the most wonderful thing,” he commented. “Sru-
takirti, you should learn. Make it like this. This is very first-
class.”
I was never able to come close to duplicating the wet veg-
etable that Srila Prabhupada savoured that day. Fortunately,
for me, Srila Prabhupada accepted the much simpler cooking
I regularly prepared. I was delighted hearing him say that my
cooking didn’t make him sick.

Srila Prabhupada, I always marvel at your depth

of compassion. You regularly accepted service from
everyone, regardless of the consequences to you. No
one knows this better than I do. You never gave up on
me. I know that as long as I have a sincere desire to
serve you, you will never turn your back on me. Please
give me a taste for the sukta you ate and a taste for
devotional service.
212 What is the Difficulty?

2 122 2
“I didn’t like to run around”
September 24, 1974 Kolkata, India

One day, Paramahamsa Swami and I accompanied Srila

Prabhupada on a car ride in his hometown. Passing a play-
ground, Srila Prabhupada pointed to a field, smiled and said,
“I played football (soccer) there when I was young. I would
be the goalie because I was lazy. I didn’t like to run around.
That was the position I liked.” We all laughed with him at his
revelation. We loved to hear him tell us anything about his life,
especially his childhood. We knew he wasn’t lazy and felt so
fortunate to hear him speak about himself in such intimate and
casual terms.
Although we were all around twenty, we could barely keep
up with him on his morning walk. We also knew he didn’t
waste any energy. Whatever he did was in full Krishna Con-
sciousness and for the pleasure of the Supreme Lord.

2 123 2
“…that would be a serious offence.”
September 28, 1974 ISKCON Mayapur, India

Personal Mercy

As Srila Prabhupada’s servant, there were very few times

I had a question on an instruction he gave. In fact, I only re-
member one time. Srila Prabhupada received a letter from a
devotee asking sanction to divorce his wife and permission to
marry another. Being present when Srila Prabhupada replied
to the letter, I was shocked when he gave permission. It both-
Six Months in India 213

ered me throughout the day. I understood our philosophy to

be that no divorce was allowed. Many times, I heard him speak
against divorce. I knew it happened, but I didn’t think Srila
Prabhupada would condone it. I kept thinking, “This is not
what Srila Prabhupada would do.”
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I knew I would ask him why
and decided the best time was during his evening massage I
had massaged him for about one half hour when I blurted out,
“Prabhupada, I want to ask you something. This devotee who
is asking about the divorce . . .”
“Oh yes, “he interjected.” I told him he can do it.” I felt
terrible to be bothering him with my mental difficulties but I
couldn’t help myself.
“Yes, I know,” I continued. “I was wondering. You always
say that divorce is against Vedic principles. There can never be
any divorce.”
“Yes,” he said. “But in this western society these things are
accepted. So we can allow this.”
I wasn’t feeling satisfied. Srila Prabhupada seemed in-
different about it. It was a quality I hadn’t observed on such a
matter.
“Yes, but in this society they accept meat-eating and intoxi-
cation,” I said. “All these things are accepted. Why aren’t any
of these things allowed?”
My most merciful spiritual master replied with compassion
in his voice, “Well, actually whether I give him permission or
not, he is going to get the divorce. So if I tell him, ‘No, you
can’t get it’ and he does it that will be a serious offence. If I say,
‘Yes, you can do it’ because he is going to do it anyway, then the
offence is not so great.”
The massage went on quietly after that. I was relieved of my
foolish doubts. It was what I had been thinking, but I wanted
him to confirm just how incredibly compassionate he was to
all of us.
214 What is the Difficulty?

Srila Prabhupada it is only due to your great

compassion that I am able to associate with devotees.
You continue to forgive me for my offences. It wasn’t
necessary for me to see how you dealt with others to
understand your mercy. I only have to see how you
deal with me every day. I pray that one day you will be
proud I am your disciple.

2 124 2
“You can call him Mayapur Chandra.”
October 8, 1974 ISKCON Mayapur, India

On the afternoon of October 8, I received an exciting tel-

egram. My wife had delivered a baby boy on October 6, 1974,
at 4:15 a.m. I considered it to be especially auspicious because
mangala arati started at 4:15 a.m. in Mayapur. I immediately
ran to Srila Prabhupada’s room and offered my obeisances.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said smiling, “My wife just gave birth
to a son!”
“Very nice,” he said, returning my smile. “So, you can call
him Mayapurcandra. Mayapurcandra! You will not find that
name anywhere in the sastra. I have invented it. You will find
Navadvipacandra and Nadir Nimai. But, you will not find this
name anywhere. So, I will give you some money. You can get
one of the local boys to go to Navadvipa to purchase a set of
silver ankle and wrist bracelets for him.”
Still overcome, I did not consider refusing his generous of-
fer.
Four months later on February 9, 1975, Srila Prabhupada
stopped in New Dvaraka for two days on his way to Mexico
City. After his afternoon nap, he rang his bell. I hurried to his
room and offered my obeisances.
Six Months in India 215

“Go find Nanda Kumar,” he instructed.

Fortunately, he was across the street. I told him Srila Pra-
bhupada wanted to see him. Nanda asked me why and I re-
sponded, “I have no idea. He just told me to get you.” We both
raced back to Srila Prabhupada’s quarters and offered our obei-
sances. When I looked up, Srila Prabhupada handed me the
keys to his metal cabinet in the bedroom and said, “Bring me
my white bag.” I gave him the bag and we both sat before him
having no clue what was about to happen next.
He took two, fifty-dollar bills out of his bag and gave one to
me.
“Here, you can get something for your son,” he said.
Whenever Srila Prabhupada showered his love upon me by
giving me something, I became overwhelmed with affection
for him. I could not refuse such a beautiful display of love.
Overjoyed I took the bill and heartily exclaimed, “Thank you
very much, Srila Prabhupada!”
He then turned to Nanda Kumar, who had been his personal
servant before I, and tried to give him the other fifty-dollar bill.
Nanda Kumar refused it.
“I cannot take that from you, Srila Prabhupada,” he said.
“It is not for you,” Srila Prabhupada told him. “It is for your
son.”
Nanda then accepted the bill from his loving spiritual mas-
ter. After giving us gifts for our sons, Srila Prabhupada nod-
ded kindly and said, “Okay, now you may go.” We offered our
obeisances and left his quarters, discussing how fortunate we
were to have such an amazingly generous spiritual master.

Srila Prabhupada, many times you gave me articles

of clothing, taking care of me in every way. I never
thought you owed me anything for the service I did.
After all, you gave all of us the greatest gift. You gave us
216 What is the Difficulty?

the opportunity to develop our love of God. The personal

attention you showered upon us, however, was another
one of your priceless gifts. You set such an amazing
example. Although you are our spiritual master, and
as such should be treated as the Lord Himself, still you
served us by providing all our necessities. When will
the day come when I will see my god-brothers and god-
sisters as “Prabhu” and offer them my respect instead of
fighting over the proper way to honour and serve you?

2 125 2
“We are not afraid of snakebite.”
October 10, 1974 ISKCON Mayapur, India

Srila Prabhupada benedicted the devotees in Mayapur with

his association during October (Kartika). It was an especially
pleasant time of year in India. Srila Prabhupada and his en-
tourage stayed on the second floor of the Mandir, which was
furthest from the road. Srila Prabhupada’s quarters consisted
of two rooms and his entourage stayed in another two rooms.
There was a large bathroom facility at each end of the build-
ing. In each bathroom were four shower stalls and four toilet
stalls.
One afternoon Srila Prabhupada was giving darsana in his
sitting room. I was cleaning Srila Prabhupada’s bathroom after
His Divine Grace’s shower. The entire bathroom facility was
exclusively used by His Divine Grace for the duration of his
visit.
As I walked past the first toilet stall, a huge six-foot long
cobra quickly slithered past me into the stall. Terrified, I raced
out of the bathroom as fast as my shaking body could run. I
was not sure what kind of snake it was. I didn’t want to create
Six Months in India 217

a big scene and interrupt Srila Prabhupada’s darshan. In spite

of my inhibition, Krishna ordained that the first devotee I hap-
pened upon was Bhavananda Maharaja. My heart was racing.
“Bhavananda, Bhavananda,” I said. “There’s a snake in Pra-
bhupada’s bathroom. It went right by my feet and just missed
me!”
Of course, my plan to keep calm and not create a distur-
bance was obviously not what Krishna wanted, so He engaged
Bhavananda Maharaja in the drama. Bhavananda loudly burst
into Srila Prabhupada’s sitting room with his arms flailing.
“OOOHHH! Prabhupada!” he dramatically exclaimed.
“There is a snake in your bathroom! We need help! Let’s call
Rasaparayana!” Rasaparayana was known as the big, strong,
temple “ksatriya.”
“Come on. Let’s call Rasaparayana!” Bhavananda yelled, as
we ran out of Srila Prabhupada’s quarters.
We effectively terminated Srila Prabhupada’s tranquil dar-
shan. Srila Prabhupada and his disciples left the room and went
on the verandah. A couple of devotees went into the bathroom
to search for the serpent while the others stayed on the porch.
Srila Prabhupada was undisturbed and quietly chanted japa,
walking back and forth on the verandah.
“It must have been left by someone from the Gaudiya Math,”
Bhavananda speculated. “Otherwise, how could the serpent get
up to the second floor?”
Others agreed, saying it wasn’t possible for a snake to appear
on an upper floor without being “planted.” Some theorized
that perhaps it was a communist plot. Since I was a visitor to
this sacred Mayapur Dhama, I wasn’t knowledgeable of the lo-
cal political scene. I concluded that the serpent just happened
to appear in Srila Prabhupada’s bathroom.
Rasaparayana, with a knife in hand, stalked the bathroom to
find the snake.
“They travel in pairs,” he said. “So if there is one, then its
218 What is the Difficulty?

mate is probably nearby.”

Finally, he saw part of the huge serpent’s body sticking out
of the plumbing work in one of the toilet stalls. He reported
the good news to the devotees on the verandah. With great
excitement, Bhavananda and others began chanting, “Kill it!
Kill it!”
Srila Prabhupada remained outside, chanting softly on his
beads. He didn’t instruct us on this dilemma. Rasaparayana
chopped the cobra’s body in two with his sharp knife.
“We’ll keep looking,” he said with determination. “There
must be another one.”
The devotees began to realize that the snakes probably came
up through the plumbing. It wasn’t a communist plot after all.
Several anxious minutes passed as we searched for the other
intruder. Rasaparayana finally spotted the mate in the network
of pipes behind the toilets. Having been discovered it quickly
slithered down the pipes, and was never seen again.
After everyone settled down, we went back into Srila Prab-
hupada’s sitting room.
“Sometimes, the snake’s mission is to kill a certain person,”
he told us. “They will not stop until they succeed. Particu-
larly at the end of the snake’s life, sometimes, the snake grows
wings. He has a particular person he is to kill. The snake will
kill that person and then it goes off to die.”
One evening Srila Prabhupada pointed out a particular
sound in the stillness of the night.
“Hear that sound?” he asked. “That is the snakebird. It has
a special sound.”
All the devotees became very quiet in hopes of hearing it
again. I became a little frightened wondering if I was next.
That evening in Srila Prabhupada’s bedroom, I gently mas-
saged his legs. The room was quiet and dark.
“So, what shall I do if I am here and the snake comes?” he
Six Months in India 219

asked laughing. “Only one snake has been killed. Perhaps the
other will come and get me tonight.”
He enjoyed remembering everyone’s anxiety during the day.
I understood from his tone that he was not at all concerned
about the snake. I encouraged his discussion by saying, “I
don’t know Srila Prabhupada.”
“Well, we are not afraid of snakebite,” he said. “We’ll not
worry about it. If it comes, it comes. We will just chant Hare
Krishna.”
I finished massaging my beloved spiritual master. He peace-
fully went to bed, his fearless mind fixed on the Supreme Lord.
I, on the other hand, went back to my room anxiously wonder-
ing where the other snake was.

My dear Srila Prabhupada, you are my hero. You are

the fearless pure devotee of the Lord. Once on a morning
walk in Mayapur when everyone was discussing their
fears and concerns about nuclear war you said, “If the
bomb comes we will look up in the sky and say, ‘Here
comes Krishna.’”
Please, benedict me with unflinching faith so I will
not fear this material world. I want to chant the Holy
Names as the snakebird flies above me preparing to
inflict its final bite.

2 126 2
“If Krishna wants to protect you...”
October 10, 1974 ISKCON Mayapur India

As the evening’s veil of darkness fell upon us, my god-broth-

ers were still buzzing about the snake incident that occurred
220 What is the Difficulty?

earlier that day. Everyone worried about the whereabouts and

intentions of the escaped cobra whose mate had been execut-
ed. We had all heard about a snake’s ability to exact revenge,
especially when someone had murdered its spouse.
Finally, I left Srila Prabhupada’s room and went to the serv-
ant’s quarters to take rest. Nitai prabhu and I laid our mats
down on the floor. We worried about the runaway snake, but
not enough to lose any sleep. Exhausted by the day’s excite-
ment, we turned out the light and were ready for nescience.
The room was not very big and with the two of us on the floor,
there was not much room between us. This didn’t prevent
Pradyumna prabhu from squeezing his sleeping paraphernalia
between us. His opinion was that if there was a snake around
and it was out to get someone, then at least he would be safe
sandwiched between us. Too tired to worry about it, Nitai and
I slept comfortably that night in spite of the crowd. The next
morning we were all alive, as no one had suffered snakebite.
Our daily activities went on as usual. That evening I went
into Srila Prabhupada’s bedroom to massage him. I offered my
obeisances and began to gently massage his lotus feet. Mayapur
was always so quiet and peaceful in the evening. It was an ex-
cellent place for Srila Prabhupada to recover from his recent
illness in Vrndavana. I sat there intoxicated by my surround-
ings and viewed Srila Prabhupada as the centre of the universe.
I felt completely relaxed as if I was getting a massage rather
than giving one. I could not help telling my glorious spiritual
master about the amusing night I had.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “Last night when we went to take
rest, Pradyumna squeezed in between Nitai and me so that he
wouldn’t be bitten by the snake.”
Srila Prabhupada started laughing.
“Yes, that is very nice,” he said. “Actually there is one story
my god-brother Damodara Maharaja has told. It took place in
a village just near here. He said there was an infant, and that
Six Months in India 221

child was cursed by someone to be bitten by a snake. There

were five family members and when they took rest, they sur-
rounded the infant to protect him from any potential snakes.
The infant would lie in the middle of the bed surrounded by
family. One night the snake came into the room and quietly
slithered around each of the sleeping family members and bit
the infant, killing him.
So, that is the way it is with the snake. If you are destined
to be killed by a snake, it doesn’t matter what kind of protec-
tion you try to arrange. The snake will kill you. But, we do not
worry about such things. If Krishna wants to protect you, no
one can harm you and if He wants to kill you, then no one can
save you.”
I continued to massage Srila Prabhupada.
“All right, you go take rest,” he soon instructed.
I offered my obeisances and left his bedroom feeling com-
pletely safe. Hanging onto those two golden lotus feet, fragrant
as the sandalwood tree, situated at the centre of the universe, I
found shelter from all danger.

Srila Prabhupada, I pray that you will always allow

me to remain connected to your fearless lotus feet. This
world is such a dangerous place as the cobras of doubt
and temptation pass daily in front of my consciousness.
You easily slay them. Please be merciful to me and
shield me from the serpents constantly invading my
heart. I take shelter of your heroic lotus feet.
222 What is the Difficulty?

2 127 2

“I had to have Puris.”

November 1, 1974 Flight from Mumbai to Kolkata

Srila Prabhupada Remembers His Youth

Sometimes Srila Prabhupada fondly spoke about his fa-

ther. When he did, it was always with great affection.
“My father would make sure that whatever I wanted I would
get,” he said. “Even if it was in the middle of the night and I
wanted puris, my father would say to my mother, ‘Make him
puris if he wants puris.’ Sometimes my mother would resist,
but my father would make her do it. It was like that. I don’t
know. Maybe my father knew. He was always doing things like
that. Then my mother would have to comply with him.”
Once during a flight Srila Prabhupada was eating puris and
subji. As he ate, he began laughing aloud and said to me, “When
I was young I would never eat chapatis. I was very spoiled.
They were no good to me. I had to have puris. Whenever my
mother cooked for me, I had to have puris. Even later when I
was a businessman.”
He stopped talking for a minute, but it was only to laugh
again. He was very pleased and enjoyed telling me what a ras-
cal he was.
“Sometimes it was very embarrassing because I would go to
people’s houses,” he continued. “They would have me over for
dinner and they would give me chapatis.”
Srila Prabhupada’s eyes grew very large as he expressed his
dilemma.
“I couldn’t eat them. At the same time, I couldn’t refuse. I
didn’t know what to do. What could I say, ‘I’m sorry I don’t eat
chapatis.’ Then they would think, ‘Oh? You are superior to me.
Six Months in India 223

You don’t eat chapatis? You have to have puris?’ So, it became
very awkward. Sometimes, I would go out and I wouldn’t eat
them. It was very difficult for me to say, ‘Oh! I don’t want
chapatis.’ They would become very offended, but I couldn’t eat
chapatis. I just didn’t like them.”
Srila Prabhupada never stopped smiling and laughing as he
described his mischievous activities.
“Around that time I acquired a servant,” he said. “He kept
trying to get me to eat chapatis. Once, he insisted, ‘I want you
to try them. I want you to let me make you chapatis. I’m sure
you will like them.’ I said, ‘No!’ This went on for some time. He
kept asking me, ‘Please let me make you chapatis. I know you
are going to like them.’ Finally, I said, ‘All right. I’ll try them.’
He made me first-class chapatis. Ever since that time, I have
liked chapatis. It was a very abrupt change in my life. Until that
time I never took chapatis.”
It is difficult for me to put into words how beautifully ani-
mated Srila Prabhupada was while telling this story. He ex-
pressed the emotions of each individual as he joyfully unfold-
ed the plot of the story. His eyes became large as he expressed
their alarm with his “superiority.” Whenever he talked about
his youth, it felt to me that it did not happen very long ago. He
took great pleasure in speaking about it with his disciples.

Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for allowing me to

enter into your childhood pastimes. It was only because
of your causeless mercy that I witnessed such glorious
activities. I needed so much from you and you kindly
gave it to me. I am forever in your debt.
224 What is the Difficulty?

2 128 2
“Why is it necessary to make such disturbance?”
November 7, 1974 ISKCON Juhu Beach, Mumbai, India

Hearing Srila Prabhupada’s bell, I hurried from the kitch-

en where I had been busy making fresh vegetable juice for my-
self using a juicer that Palika devi had gotten me.
“What is all that noise?” Srila Prabhupada said in an angry
mood.
“It is a juicer, Srila Prabhupada,” I said nervously. “I have
started to drink fresh juices because I have had a difficult time
staying healthy in India. I thought drinking fresh juice would
help.” He didn’t appear very sympathetic.
“So much noise,” he said. “How can I concentrate? Why is it
necessary to make such disturbance?”
I agreed that it was foolish and that I would stop using it. An
hour went by when Srila Prabhupada rang his bell. I headed for
his sitting room with thoughts of the recent incident out of my
mind. He looked at me compassionately and said, “So, if these
fresh juices are helping you to stay healthy then it is all right
to continue. It is important for you to be healthy so you can do
your service. I don’t mind.”

Srila Prabhupada, I was overcome with joy knowing

how much you cared for me. It is commonly known, the
way to keep healthy in India is to cook your vegetables
and peel your fruits before eating to avoid all types of
organisms. Srila Prabhupada, thank you for tolerating
my foolishness.
Six Months in India 225

2 129 2
“That is the beginning of his fall down.”
November 11, 1974 ISKCON Juhu Beach, Mumbai, India

Whenever Srila Prabhupada came out of his Juhu flat for

his morning walk all of the assembled devotees chanted, “Jai,
Srila Prabhupada!” and offered obeisances. All, except for one
brahmacari who remained standing with folded hands. With
his cane in hand, Srila Prabhupada began walking. Look-
ing straight ahead he said, “That is the beginning of his fall
down.”
Many times, he spoke of this process as “the razor’s edge.”
That morning he demonstrated just how sharp that razor was.
The devotee was not conscious of his actions. We cannot be
Krishna conscious if we are not conscious.
Srila Prabhupada, I beg for your mercy so I may
always be conscious of you and your service to the
Supreme Lord.

2 130 2
“I can not force you to do something.”
November 15, 1974 ISKCON Juhu Beach, Mumbai, India

During this tour of India with Srila Prabhupada, Parama-

hamsa Swami was his secretary and Nitai dasa was his Sanskrit
editor. We got on well together. The three of us were part of the
second wave of devotees who joined the temple around 1971.
While staying at Juhu, Palika dasi prepared Srila Prabhupada’s
lunch, so after completion of His Divine Grace’s massage, Para-
mahamsa, Nitai and I went to the beach about a block away to
swim and sunbathe. We returned before Srila Prabhupada rose
226 What is the Difficulty?

from his afternoon nap, in case he needed any of us.

Within a few days, both of my god-brothers stopped going to
the beach because their service wasn’t getting finished. I con-
tinued to go, however. Upon returning one day, Paramahamsa
Swami came to me and said, “Srila Prabhupada is really upset
about you going to the beach by yourself. He said he wants to
talk with you. He’s very angry.”
I waited for Srila Prabhupada to finish his lunch. When he
went back to his sitting room, I walked into his room and of-
fered my obeisances. As I looked up at him, I noticed he had
a contented look on his face. He didn’t appear angry with me
at all.
“Srila Prabhupada, would you rather I didn’t go to the beach
after giving you massage?” I blurted out, quite confused.
“No,” he nonchalantly replied. “It’s all right. You are going
by yourself?”
“Yes,” I said. “It started with the three of us going swim-
ming, but now I am the only one.”
“That’s all right,” he said. “It’s nice to go to the beach a little,
gets some sun and go in the water. You can go.”
“Thank you, Srila Prabhupada,” I said with relief.
I offered my obeisances and left his room. Immediately I
approached Paramahamsa Swami. Still gloating, I told him of
my conversation with my loving spiritual master. Shaking his
head, he reconfirmed the original story.
A situation like that was not unusual. I am sure that Srila
Prabhupada complained about my being at the beach. What
was endearing was how tolerant he was when I appeared be-
fore him with my inquiry. He was able to sense my attachment
and allowed me to make my own decision. I happily stopped
going to the beach because he didn’t force me.

Srila Prabhupada, you are so expert. You often said,

Six Months in India 227

“You boys and girls are voluntarily performing service.

I cannot force you to do something.”
You always treated me with respect, which often
resulted in my own embarrassment. Due to your
humility, I was overwhelmed with the desire to do
anything you asked. Mercifully, your only desire was
for me to “chant Hare Krishna and be happy.” When
I remember you, Srila Prabhupada, those instructions
become very easy to follow.

2 131 2
“Daab”
December 7, 1974 ISKCON Juhu Beach, Mumbai, India

Srila Prabhupada’s greatest pleasure was to speak about

Krishna and His associates 24 hours a day. He relished every
opportunity to speak the Krishna consciousness philosophy.
This sharply contrasted with his economic use of words when
it came to his own bodily maintenance. The dichotomy was
ecstatic.
Every day Srila Prabhupada took a short nap after lunch.
Upon rising His Divine Grace walked through my designated
area to get to the bathroom. Often I rested, too. As soon as I
heard the sweet sound of his shuffling feet, I would rise and
offer my obeisances.
“Daab,” Srila Prabhupada said in a deep extended voice as
he walked by.
It was my duty to then go to the kitchen, open a coconut,
insert a gold straw through the opening and place the sweet
water on his desk. This was the daily ritual. Every time I heard
the word “dab”, the same ecstatic opportunity availed itself.
228 What is the Difficulty?

Srila Prabhupada stayed in one of the flats on the Juhu prop-

erty, which have since been knocked down. It wasn’t until af-
ter 1976 that his permanent quarters were ready. He humbly
accepted whatever facility was given him wherever he travelled
around the world.

Srila Prabhupada, anyone who has been to Juhu

knows that dabs are very sweet. Hearing you ask for
one in the early afternoon was sweeter still. As each
year goes by it becomes more remarkable knowing that
you walked among us. Some devotees have said that
when you walked it appeared that your feet didn’t touch
the ground. I appreciate that you walked all over the
globe purifying the places where you placed your lotus
feet.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

2 132 2
“Get yourself another blanket...”
December 24, 1974 ISKCON Los Angeles, California

One cold evening in New Dvaraka, I had the two-burner

gas stove on in the servant’s quarters to warm the room, so I
could sleep that night. It was helpful because I slept on a straw
mat and used my chaddar as a blanket. I tried to keep my para-
phernalia to a minimum because it was easier to travel around
the world with Srila Prabhupada with only a few belongings.
Sometimes, I used one suitcase for His Divine Grace and a
small one for myself. Most of the time, though, I managed to
keep both of our belongings in one large suitcase.
Srila Prabhupada observed my stove on during the night, so
Six Months in India 229

early the next morning he called me into his room. I offered

my obeisances and looked up at my merciful guru.
“Why are you keeping the stove on at night?” he asked.
I explained that the warmth of the fire helped me get to
sleep since it was so cold.
“Don’t you have a blanket?” he asked.
“No, Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “I usually don’t need one.”
“All right,” he said. “Go into my cabinet and pick out any
blanket and sweater you like.”
I enthusiastically hurried over to the metal closet in his
bedroom. After looking at the four blankets folded neatly on
the shelf I took the thickest, most colourful quilt I could find.
Then I helped myself to one of his saffron sweaters. I returned
to Srila Prabhupada in his sitting room to show him my choic-
es. He smiled with approval and nodded his head.
“All right, now you can go,” he instructed.
I offered my obeisances and left the room considering my-
self to be the most fortunate soul in the world.
I used the blanket every night, feeling enveloped in Srila
Prabhupada’s love. It kept me spiritually warm. One day I was
talking with one of my friends, Brahmarupa dasa. He asked
if I wanted to take rest in the temple room that night with
some of the other devotee men. I agreed. Always being alone,
it sounded adventuresome. When I went into the temple room,
I brought my beautiful bright orange quilt with me. It had a
shiny silk finish on one side and a more cuddly soft finish on
the other. When I walked into the temple room, Brahmarupa’s
eyes opened wide.
“Where did you get that?” he asked.
“Srila Prabhupada gave it to me,” I said. “Do you want it?” I
asked, feeling guilty about owning something so priceless.
“Yes,” he eagerly replied.
So, I gave it to him.
230 What is the Difficulty?

A week later while I was resting in the servant quarters, Srila

Prabhupada noticed I didn’t have my blanket over me.
“Where is the blanket I gave you?” he inquired.
Feeling ashamed, I quietly answered, “One of the devotees
saw it and when I told him it was yours he became so excited I
just had to give it to him.”

“All right. Get yourself another blanket,” he calmly said.

“And this time, do not give it away,” he added, with a little
more emotion.
Again, I happily complied with his generous instruction and
helped myself to another prasadam blanket.
On a few occasions, when we were in a cold city, Srila Prab-
hupada gave me sweaters. However, I never managed to keep
any of them. Inevitably, a devotee would find out it was one of
Srila Prabhupada’s remnants and I would feel somewhat selfish
and give it away. My god-brothers very much appreciated Srila
Prabhupada’s prasadam. While travelling with Srila Prabhupa-
da, I kept very little for myself. I didn’t think it was practical to
have so many belongings. I was the one that wasn’t practical,
but I didn’t realize it at the time.

Srila Prabhupada, in all of your actions you exhibited

complete faith in the Supreme Lord. Very often, you told
us that if we were fully engaged in Krishna’s service,
all our necessities would be provided. I experienced
this truth countless times while performing personal
service to you. There was no need to make any separate
endeavour. Your simplicity was exemplary. “As great
men do, common men will follow.” Life is a struggle
when I forget to serve your lotus feet. I pray for your
causeless mercy, so I may serve you eternally without
regard for my personal comfort.
Six Months in India 231

2 133 2
“You go back to Los Angeles to regain your health.”
December 15, 1974 ISKCON Juhu Beach, Mumbai, India

My second tour of transcendental travels with His Divine

Grace began unceremoniously in the middle of July and con-
tinued until the end of December. Most of this tour took place
in India, the very place that had initially frightened me away
from the lotus feet of my spiritual master. Unfortunately, while
in India, I was sick most of the time. I struggled through the
seven-week period in Vrndavana while Srila Prabhupada was
extremely ill. After he regained his health, my health deterio-
rated and all I could think about was leaving in order to get
better. With Srila Prabhupada’s mercy, I managed to overcome
my lack of surrender and stay at his lotus feet. However, I once
again became ill and my mind became very disturbed.
I was unable to appreciate my most fortunate position, and
meditated on my own bodily ailments. Srila Prabhupada had
already been here for one month and was preparing to return
to the West by way of Hawaii. I grew much attached to the
intended travel plans, contemplating my survival until the ex-
pected departure date. Unfortunately, there was a delay due to
the ongoing technical difficulties plaguing the Juhu project.
When I heard the news, I became dejected. As I walked on
the beautiful Juhu beach every morning with my beloved Srila
Prabhupada, I was only conscious of the 747’s flying overhead.
I imagined them to be flying to the West. I wanted so much to
be seated on one of those planes. His Divine Grace would be
speaking philosophy with his disciples while I wistfully medi-
tated on each plane until it was out of sight.
On a few walks, I attempted to joke with Paramahamsa Ma-
haraja, hoping to discover that he shared my desire to leave
India. Since Paramahamsa Maharaja could not relate to my
232 What is the Difficulty?

needs, I transferred the discussion to Brahmananda Maharaja,

hoping for some sympathy.
At this time, there was a major problem at the Hawaii tem-
ple. I told Brahmananda about my desire to return to the Unit-
ed States because of my health problems. One afternoon we
approached Srila Prabhupada. We walked into his sitting room
with great apprehension and offered our obeisances. I realized
how foolish I was to want to leave the lotus feet of my beloved
Guru Maharaja, but my uncontrolled mind compelled me to
do so.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “I have been hanging on hoping
you would be leaving soon, but it appears that you aren’t ready
to go yet. I want to know if I can return to the West to regain
my health.”
“That’s all right,” he kindly said. “You go back to Los Ange-
les and regain your health. Brahmananda, you can go to Hawaii
temple to help with the situation there. I will meet up with
both of you when I return to Hawaii.”
The return flight to the States was not the pleasurable one
I had envisioned. Brahmananda and I looked at each other,
as the plane was high in the clouds and lamented our deci-
sion to leave His Divine Grace. Srila Prabhupada had allowed
us to leave just as easily as he allowed me to return to him a
few months before. He accepted whatever Krishna provided
and never forced anyone to do anything they couldn’t do. I
observed his gracious opulence of renunciation over and over
again.
One must cry for the association of Guru and Krishna. It
does not come automatically or cheaply. Srila Prabhupada al-
ways said, “Devotional service is voluntarily and joyfully per-
formed.”
Brahmananda Maharaja stopped in Hawaii, and acting as
Srila Prabhupada’s representative, tended to the temple busi-
ness. I continued on to Los Angeles (New Dvaraka) to take up
Six Months in India 233

residence with my wife and son, who was now almost three
months old. I hid my anxiety regarding never having seen my
son by acting artificially detached. By denying my natural feel-
ings, I was able to live up to the stringent expectations within.
Somehow, I needed to externally prove my stalwart position
as a good devotee. In this way, I returned to New Dvaraka not
knowing that the cause of my illness may have been denial of
my emotional needs. Actually, I was anxious to return to New
Dvaraka to be with my family.
I spent some time at the New Dvaraka temple and then went
to Honolulu (New Navadvipa) with my family. By the time
Srila Prabhupada arrived on Jan. 29, 1975, I was fully steeped
in householder life. Paramahamsa Maharaja and Nitai prabhu
were working very hard taking care of all of Srila Prabhupa-
da’s needs. I was so caught up in my new ashram that I didn’t
even volunteer my services, except for giving Srila Prabhupada
evening massage.
Even though Srila Prabhupada mercifully allowed me to
massage his beautiful form every evening, he never asked why
I wasn’t more active in his personal service. He didn’t ask me
what I was doing throughout the day or why I was so busy in
my household activities. It never occurred to me that I should
be fully engaged in performing personal service to Srila Prab-
hupada. My consciousness took a definite turn toward grihasta
activities. Fortunately, I was not in control of my destiny and
Krishna arranged for me to resume my personal service to His
Divine Grace after only a short time.
Srila Prabhupada, many times, I have heard your disciples
ask, “Why doesn’t Krishna force me to serve Him?”
“If you are forced, there is no question of love. It must be
voluntary,” you answered.

You always treated me in this way and I pray that

you stop. However, you are so patient and kind, that
234 What is the Difficulty?

you never force us so we do not commit a great offence

by disobeying your orders. Please create the desire in
me to serve you every moment. My only happiness is
when I am serving your lotus feet. Please keep those
soft, golden feet on my head, so I am unable to stray
from your protection.
 PART FOUR

Around the World in Five Months

February 1, 1975 to June 20, 1975

2 134 2
“Go ahead, cut a joke!”
January 29, 1975 Flight from Tokyo to Honolulu

I have said it many times. The act of travelling with Srila

Prabhupada was always exciting. You never knew what would
happen. He was like no one else. I loved his sense of humour.
Flying with him was always memorable for everyone. I am sure
that karmis also found us to be quite a spectacle with our tilak,
shaved heads and colourful robes. Amidst us was the swan-
like devotee, Prabhupada. Sometimes he would enter the plane
with 5 or more beautiful, fragrant garlands around him, some
down to his knees. Nothing fazed him. He was so beautiful
and he emanated such grace and humility despite the throngs
of devotees around him. He was always engaged in Krishna’s
service.
This flight was like so many others. Srila Prabhupada sat by
236 What is the Difficulty?

the window. Next to him was Nitai and Paramahamsa Swami

was by the aisle. There were some magazines in the seat pocket
in front of them. One of them was Time magazine. Srila Pra-
bhupada picked it up, seeing something that interested him.
The cover photograph was a group of women showing their
dissatisfaction with their position in the western world. The
title was, “Women’s Liberation”. It was something Srila Prab-
hupada spoke about at times. In the 70’s it was a hot topic.
He put the magazine down. A few minutes later a female
flight attendant walked by. As she was approaching, Srila Prab-
hupada nudged Nitai and said, “So, these women, they want to
be liberated? Tell her if she wants to be liberated, she can shave
her head like us. She can be liberated. Nitai made a little smile
and squirmed in his seat. Again, Srila Prabhupada nudged him
and said, “Go ahead, make a joke. Call her over here and tell
her. Cut one joke. Tell her if she wants to be liberated she
can shave her head like us.” Srila Prabhupada chuckled. Nitai,
flustered and uncomfortable, sat and chanted, unable to say
anything.
You never knew what Srila Prabhupada would do. It was
similar to when a female reporter asked him, “Why do you
shave your head?” He looked at her with a smile and said,
“Why do you shave your legs? Better to have a cool head and
warm legs.” Srila Prabhupada liberated all of his disciples from
the stronghold of material life, men and women. His mission in
coming to the west and making westerners into Vaisnavas was
based on the fact that we aren’t our bodies. One can be Krishna
conscious regardless of any bodily designation. It doesn’t mat-
ter if you are male or female, young or old, black or white. One
only has to qualify oneself by following the instructions of a
bona fide spiritual master.
Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja told me a story of when he first met
Srila Prabhupada. He thought that since he was part of a spir-
itual group he wouldn’t be subject to some of the racist at-
Four Continents in Five Months 237

titudes he experienced so far in his life, being in a black body.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t always like that when dealing with his
godbrothers. He questioned Srila Prabhupada. He wanted to
know how it was that his disciples were still on the bodily
platform.
He expected some mercy and comfort from him. Srila Pra-
bhupada looked at him and said; “If you are affected by it you
are no better than they are” BTS loved the response he re-
ceived from him. He saw immediately how perfect the process
of Krishna Consciousness was and how perfect his spiritual
master understood him. He knew immediately he “had an op-
portunity to go to a higher level” as he said it.

Srila Prabhupada you continue to give all your

followers an opportunity to go to higher levels. When
we fail, you give us the chance again until we get it
right. You are very merciful and know exactly what we
need. Thank you for your continued instructions.
He asked us all to get off the bodily platform and
gave each of this instruction in many different ways. He
loved all of his disciples equally and engaged everyone
in service. His desire was that everyone “Chant Hare
Krishna and be happy.”
238 What is the Difficulty?

2 135 2
“... neither can they work outside.”
February 5, 1975 ISKCON Honolulu, Hawaii

I feel as if I am sometimes surrounded by what I call a

“bubble of illusion.” This presence of this bubble is directly re-
lated to how Krishna conscious I am at any particular time. As
Srila Prabhupada’s personal servant, however, I was surround-
ed by a “bubble of protection.” It was a wonderful benefit that
automatically came when in the proximity of the pure devotee.
I was well provided for. I didn’t have to worry about meals,
or where to take rest. My passport, visas and airline tickets
seemed to manifest themselves. I travelled around the world
five times, but never worried about an airplane accident. After
all, I sat beside the Lord of the Universe’s purest devotee.
It was an enviable position and unfortunately, one I gave up
voluntarily. I was now in Hawaii and one of the grhastas living
outside the temple and struggling to be a “fired-up” devotee.
Srila Prabhupada was sympathetic. I knew this because once in
Vrndavana, Srila Prabhupada spoke about the grihasta ashram
saying, “It is a great dilemma. We cannot pay them to live in
the temple, but neither can they work outside.”

2 136 2
“If it wasn’t for Krishna’s mercy, you would be
dead.”
February 5, 1975 ISKCON Honolulu, Hawaii

One day while grocery shopping with devotee friends, the

loss of my “bubble of protection” cost me dearly. We were in a
car accident. Hamsavatar and two godsisters, one with a small
Four Continents in Five Months 239

child, were driving home from the store. I was sitting in the
front passenger seat when a car went through a red light and
slammed into our driver’s door. It turned into a four-car colli-
sion with everyone in the other three cars going through their
windshields. My door flew open and out went both Hamsava-
tar and me. I landed on my tailbone. The two matajis and the
child remained in the car as it spun around and almost ran me
over. I was taken to the emergency room of a nearby hospital.
My back was the source of great pain for months to follow.
Because I had been in the hospital that night, I did not give
Srila Prabhupada his evening massage. The next day Parama-
hamsa Maharaja located me and said, “Srila Prabhupada want-
ed to know where you were last night.” I told him my tale
of woe. He went back to Srila Prabhupada and explained my
situation. My compassionate spiritual master said, “Oh! Call
him here.”
In a great deal of pain, I made my way to Srila Prabhupada’s
room and slowly offered my obeisances. With a strained look
on my face, I sat up before my effulgent master.
“What has happened?” he asked in a gentle voice. “I heard
you were in a car accident.”
I told him the details of the accident as he attentively lis-
tened.
“Accha!” he said. “If it wasn’t for Krishna’s mercy, you
would be dead.”
“Yes, it was very frightening,” I said, with a forced smile.
Over the next few days, I had the good fortune of being in
Srila Prabhupada’s room on different occasions. Each time I
was there with other devotees Srila Prabhupada brought the
conversation around to me. Very dramatically, he said, “Sru-
takirti, he was in a very serious accident. If not for the mercy
of Krishna he would have died.”
After hearing this for the third time, it finally sunk into my
thick skull. If not for the mercy of Srila Prabhupada and Krish-
240 What is the Difficulty?

na I would have died. I was young and careless and death was
the least of my concerns. If it were, I would have never left the
lotus feet of my Gurudeva. He kept driving it home. Finally,
I understood and realized that Srila Prabhupada was speaking
the absolute truth. It was the most wonderful experience to
have my compassionate Guru reaffirming how Krishna saved
me. I pray to increase my understanding and faith in every
word His Divine Grace has said and every action he has per-
formed.
During this visit to Hawaii, Srila Prabhupada was translating
the fifth canto of the Srimad-Bhagavatam. He related the story
of my accident in the following way:

Srimad Bhagavatam. 5:14:1

PURPORT
“When the living entity is lost in the forest of the material
world, in the struggle for existence, his first business is to find
a bona fide guru who is always engaged at the lotus feet of the
Supreme Personality of Godhead, Visnu. After all, if he is at all
eager to be relieved of the struggle for existence, he must find
a bona fide guru and take instructions at his lotus feet. In this
way, he can get out of the struggle.
Since the material world is compared herein to a forest, it
may be argued that in Kali-yuga modern civilization is mainly
situated in the cities. A great city, however, is like a great for-
est. Actually, city life is more dangerous than life in the forest.
If one enters an unknown city without friend or shelter, living
in that city is more difficult than living in a forest. There are
many big cities all over the surface of the globe, and wherever
one looks he sees the struggle for existence going on twenty-
four hours a day. People rush about in cars going seventy and
eighty miles an hour, constantly coming and going, and this
sets the scene of the great struggle for existence. One has to
Four Continents in Five Months 241

rise early in the morning and travel in that car at breakneck

speed. There is always the danger of an accident, and one has
to take great care. In his automobile, the living entity is full of
anxieties, and his struggle is not at all auspicious.” Copyright
BBT 1975

My dear Srila Prabhupada, the years have quickly

passed. Many precarious situations have come across
my path. Still, I blunder along, not realizing that, “If
not for Krishna’s mercy I would have died.” Please give
me the intelligence to comprehend the urgency of my
surrendering to you. When death arrives, I want my
mind’s eye fixed on your lotus feet. I do not want to
be tossed about by the material energy. It is much too
painful
2 137 2
“You massage until I become tired.”
February 8, 1975 ISKCON Honolulu, Hawaii

Sometimes during his evening massage, Srila Prabhupada

went into samadhi. This was scary for me because once he in-
structed me, “You massage until I become tired, not until you
become tired.”
He gave me this instruction one day during a morning mas-
sage. I moved from one part of his body to the next without his
instruction. He let it go on for a few days before chastising me
about my laziness.
Therefore, that evening, when he went into samadhi during
my massage, I became scared, because it was possible to mas-
sage him for hours without him saying anything. He would
close his eyes. After some time, I would begin to rub a little
harder hoping that he would notice I was still there. Other
242 What is the Difficulty?

times he would say to me, “Are you tired?” I always said, “Oh,
no Prabhupada.” There were times when I dozed off while
massaging him.
Sometimes Srila Prabhupada would close his eyes while I
massaged his feet. When this happened, I would place my head
on the bottom of those two beautiful lotus feet. I was always
very greedy. It wasn’t enough that I massaged his feet every
day. I needed more. The massage ended with Srila Prabhupada
sweetly saying, “All right, that’s enough.”
Then there was more nectar. I watched as he sat up and
grabbed his covers and in one motion placed his head on the
pillow while simultaneously pulling the covers over his head.
I could never do it justice by trying to describe it, but it was
most endearing to watch. Other times he said, “I hate taking
rest. It is a complete waste of time. I wish I didn’t ever have to
take rest. I am simply wasting my time.”

Srila Prabhupada, I have finally realized what you

were teaching me with your gentle lessons. If you said
your toes were fingers, they were fingers. Thank you
for letting me massage your 20 fingers.

2 138 2
“Well, if your preaching is insufficient, then better
not to preach.”
February 8, 1975 ISKCON Honolulu, Hawaii

After six months in India, Srila Prabhupada returned to the

West by way of Hawaii. He remained in New Navadvipa for
one week. It was a very eventful stay. There was a great deal of
agitation at this centre because of the differences between the
local authorities and that of Siddha Svarupa Ananda Gosvami.
Four Continents in Five Months 243

The complaint was that Siddha did not follow ISKCON’s au-
thority. Objections were brought to the attention of Srila Pra-
bhupada’s secretary, Paramahamsa Swami, who went to Srila
Prabhupada and explained some of the difficulties that were
taking place.
“So, bring Siddha Svarupa and we will have a meeting,” Srila
Prabhupada instructed.
The meeting took place in Srila Prabhupada’s quarters. It
was attended by Srila Prabhupada, Siddha Svarupa Maharaja,
Paramahamsa Maharaja, Nitai prabhu, the temple president
and I. A pleasant breeze came through the numerous open
windows in Srila Prabhupada’s cheerful sun-filled room. There
was a skylight above his desk. Srila Prabhupada always enjoyed
his visits to New Navadvipa. This visit was no exception.
Srila Prabhupada did not waste time with formalities. Af-
ter everyone was seated on the floor, he unemotionally looked
at Siddha and objectively stated, “So, the devotees here have
some complaints against you.”
“What is that, Srila Prabhupada?” Siddha said smiling.
“One thing. Why you do not shave your head?” Srila Prab-
hupada asked.
“If I shave my head then sometimes I get a cold,” Siddha
replied.
Srila Prabhupada began chuckling.
“In Hawaii, you get a cold?” he asked.
“Sometimes, Srila Prabhupada,” Siddha said.
“Then you can wear a hat,” Srila Prabhupada suggested.
“Then you will not catch cold. You are a sannyasi. Other people
are watching. It is important that you set a good example.”
“Also, you do not carry your danda?” Srila Prabhupada con-
tinued.
“Well, they don’t usually let me carry it on airplanes, so it
becomes difficult to travel around with it,” Siddha said.
244 What is the Difficulty?

“We have so many sannyasis,” Srila Prabhupada said. “Eve-

ryone is carrying their danda. Paramahamsa, he is carrying a
danda. He brings it on the plane.”
“Well, I have had many problems trying to get my danda on
the plane,” Siddha replied.
Srila Prabhupada calmly moved onto the next point of con-
tention. Each issue became more serious.
“They say that your followers, they do not come here to see
me,” Srila Prabhupada said. “That they only see you. They only
hear from and deal with you. They won’t come here?”
“If they want to come, they can come,” Siddha said.
Srila Prabhupada quickly replied in a more authoritative
voice.
“But, this is your business,” Srila Prabhupada said. “It’s all
right they may worship you if they like you very much. That’s
all right. But your business is to bring them to me. You are
my disciple. The duty of the disciple is to bring the devotees
to the spiritual master. This is your business. Your preaching
should be like this. If your preaching does not bring them to
this point, then it is useless.”
“This is probably my defect,” Siddha replied. “My preaching
is not so good. Therefore, they are not coming. But, what can I
do but try to preach to them.”
“Well, if your preaching is insufficient, then better not to
preach,” Srila Prabhupada told him.
As things became quiet, a wave of courage washed over me.
To keep the conversation moving I said, “Srila Prabhupada, I
have one observation.”
“Yes, go on,” he said nodding in approval.
“For example,” I said. This morning in the temple room,
Siddha Svarupa Maharaja was giving the class. He was sitting
along side of your Vyasasana and one of his people came up
with a fresh flower garland and placed it on Siddha Svarupa.
Four Continents in Five Months 245

When I saw it happen, my mind became disturbed. In my opin-

ion, the garland should have been put on you, as there was no
garland on your picture on the Vyasasana. I would think that
the garland should have been put on the Vyasasana first.”
“He has a good point,” Srila Prabhupada said, turning to
Siddha. “That is correct. It is all right, they may have wanted
to put it on you, but you should have directed them to put it
on my picture.”
Srila Prabhupada finished the discussion and did not bela-
bour any point. He straightforwardly addressed the issue of
following the instructions of the spiritual master and the rela-
tionship between Guru and disciple. This final point wrapped
up the meeting. We all offered obeisances and left the room of
our Divine guide and loving Gurudeva.
The next day Siddha Svarupa Maharaja again visited Srila
Prabhupada. Siddha Svarupa gave Srila Prabhupada a $10,000
donation that one of his followers had given to him. This dem-
onstrated his understanding of Srila Prabhupada’s instruction

My dear Gurudeva, you are the perfect transparent

via medium to your Guru Maharaja. You always
accept service on his behalf. Because you were the
perfect disciple, you are completely qualified as the
perfect spiritual master. You pass on the devotion and
adoration of your disciples to the lotus feet of your Guru
Maharaja. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Maharaja
passes the fruits of your devotion to the lotus feet of his
Guru Maharaja. Therefore, it goes from Guru to Guru
within the parampara up to the lotus feet of Lord Sri
Krishna.
I humbly pray to remain connected to your lotus feet,
always remembering you are eternally my Lord and
master. Except for your causeless mercy, my life has
no value or qualification. I beg that you allow me to
246 What is the Difficulty?

spread your glories for eternity. I pray to swim in the

ocean of bliss that is available by remembering your
eternal lila.

2 139 2
“So, you are going to stay here?”
February 8, 1975 ISKCON Honolulu, Hawaii

Since Sudama Maharaja was no longer managing New

Navadvipa, Srila Prabhupada had been discussing who should
take on this responsibility. His Sanskrit editor, Nitai prabhu,
suggested me. Srila Prabhupada, knowing my nature, said,
“No. Srutakirti is too easy-going to manage a temple.”
When Nitai told me Srila Prabhupada’s remarks, I smiled,
realising he knew me better than I knew myself. Srila Prabhu-
pada arranged for Manasvi to come from Mumbai to manage
the Honolulu temple.
During Srila Prabhupada’s stay, both Nitai and Paramahamsa
Maharaja tried to persuade me to go with them to be Srila Pra-
bhupada’s personal servant as he toured the West. I told them
I liked the idea of being his servant in the West, but I always
wound up back in India and I did not want to go to India. They
said it would be very helpful if I came on the western tour be-
cause there wasn’t anyone to cook for Srila Prabhupada. When
it came time to go back to India, they would arrange for Nanda
Kumar to travel with Srila Prabhupada. I told them it sounded
good in theory, but it didn’t seem very practical. They were
unable to convince me otherwise. I was a householder with a
young wife and a four-month old son. My desire to remain in
Hawaii with them was strong.
The day before Srila Prabhupada left New Navadvipa, Gu-
rukrpa Maharaja told me Srila Prabhupada wanted to see me
Four Continents in Five Months 247

before his departure for Los Angeles. Together we went back

to Srila Prabhupada’s room and offered our obeisances.I didn’t
know why he wanted to see me and was unaware that my fate
was not in my hands.
Srila Prabhupada looked at me with a smile and said, “So,
Srutakirti,” he said. “You are going to stay here? Your wife is
here, and child?”
“Yes, Prabhupada,” I replied.
“So, now you will stay here as a householder?” he asked.
“You will help Manasvi manage the temple?”
“Yes, Prabhupada,” I replied with less conviction. “I think
so.”
I was thinking of how selfish I was by not going with my
magnificent spiritual master. He was giving me the opportu-
nity to say I wanted to go with him but I couldn’t say it. It was
the plan from when I left him in Juhu just six month before but
I had lost all composure and didn’t know what to do.
“So, that is good,” Srila Prabhupada said, smiling warmly.
“You stay here with your wife and child.”
I sat before Srila Prabhupada with my mind reeling.
My senses were dragging me in all directions. Srila Prabhu-
pada was giving me the opportunity to travel with him again.
He was waiting for me to open my mouth and my heart,but I
wasn’t doing it. It was truly amazing how tolerant he was. I
didn’t knowwhat to say next. The influence of time seemed to
stop.
Gurukripa Maharaja, who was sitting next to me through-
out the conversation, turned to me and started to laugh. “Yes,
You know what they call the wife and children? They are
known as the tigress and jackal.”
Then he turned to Srila Prabhupada. While laughing hearti-
ly he asked, “Prabhupada, I know why the woman is compared
to the tigress, but why are children compared to jackals?”
248 What is the Difficulty?

“Well,” Srila Prabhupada said, “The children, in so many

ways, create many inconveniences for the father. They are al-
ways requiring so many things and sometimes disturbing him.
He cannot sleep. In this way, it is like eating the flesh of the
father. This is the business of jackals. Eating the flesh of other
animals.”
The room again became quiet. It was clear, even to me, that
it was my turn to speak. It was also clear that my Guru and
Krishna were being very merciful to me. They were giving me
the opportunity to make sacrifices and advance in Krishna
Consciousness. I looked into the eyes of my caring, loving fa-
ther and with conviction stated, “Srila Prabhupada, I will come
with you and be your servant.”
Srila Prabhupada smiled broadly and tilting his head to the
right said, “All right!” It was evident to me there was noth-
ing else that had to be said. It was always like that with my
compassionate master. There was no need to talk unnecessar-
ily about it. He was happy for me and I was happy knowing I
was properly situated. I offered my obeisances and walked out
of Srila Prabhupada’s room with a spring in my step. I knew I
was doing the right thing.
I began to prepare for my next exciting tour of duty with
His Divine Grace. As the word spread throughout the Hawaii
devotee community of my returning to Srila Prabhupada’s per-
sonal service one of my Godbrothers, with a rather independ-
ent nature, challenged the decision I made and told me I was in
maya for not remaining with my wife and son. It was this type
behaviour that would have given me doubts but by Srila Prab-
hupada’s mercy I was unaffected by his speculation. I flashed
a smile and confidently walked away feeling properly situated.
Srila Prabhupada had mercifully made my options clear to me.
Again, he didn’t tell me what to do and gave me the chance to
decide for myself.
Four Continents in Five Months 249

Srila Prabhupada, I can never repay you for the

many wonderful things you have done for me. However,
this was truly outstanding. In the sweetest way, you
nudged me back to your lotus feet for five more months.
You could have very easily gone without me, but you
allowed me to tag along, again. I bathe in the nectar
of knowing that you wanted me to come with you. It
gave me reason to live. It does not matter why. It is
more than enough that you asked me to come in the
most wonderful way. I will never understand why you
are so kind upon me. Please give me the intelligence to
glorify you properly. Please, pick me up once more and
place me at your lotus feet, the only safe place for this
distracted soul.

2 140 2
“Deity Worship must be first class.”
February 11, 1975 ISKCON Mexico City, Mexico

Touching down in Mexico City proved to be an extraor-

dinary experience. Srila Prabhupada, a transcendental emis-
sary from Goloka Vrndavana, was greeted with honour by his
devotees. Srila Prabhupada bypassed all the mundane customs
check points and airport facilities and walked directly from the
plane to a waiting limousine. The devotees had also arranged a
police escort to accompany Srila Prabhupada’s vehicle through
the city as he went to the temple. This was an extremely pleas-
ant change from our normal grueling airport experience. We
were accustomed to being treated with suspicion like potential
criminals as we went through customs at other international
airports.
During the drive to the temple, Srila Prabhupada expressed
250 What is the Difficulty?

his appreciation for the VIP treatment. Eager to continue to

please His Divine Grace, Hrdayananda Maharaja took this op-
portunity to report to Srila Prabhupada about all the exciting
service the Spanish BBT had accomplished. Many books were
being translated and distributed in the Spanish language. Srila
Prabhupada was delighted to hear that the glories of the Lord
were being spread.
When he arrived at the temple, Srila Prabhupada took dar-
shan of Their Lordships and later asked for the Deity maha-
prasadam. This was Srila Prabhupada’s standard practice as
he travelled from temple to temple. He always took personal
interest to see how the Deities were being worshiped. It was
as if Srila Prabhupada was Krishna’s transcendental inspector
making sure the Deity worship was being maintained nicely by
his children.
After sampling the maha-prasadam, Srila Prabhupada said,
“This prasadam is horrible. The Deity worship here is not up
to standard. It is important to worship the Deities very nicely.”
Srila Prabhupada again stressed, “It is as important to perform
first- class Deity worship as it is to distribute books.”
I was shocked! I had never heard Srila Prabhupada criticize
the Deity worship anywhere before. My heart went out to the
devotees doing the cooking, but I knew it was their turn to
get some merciful instruction. This would be something they
would never forget. I speculated about Srila Prabhupada’s re-
lationship with the Deities. Being of mundane vision, I saw
the beautiful forms of the Lord, but didn’t understand Srila
Prabhupada’s relationship with them. Sometimes, I tried to im-
agine what it might be like to take darshan of the Deities and
see Krishna as Srila Prabhupada undoubtedly did. Srila Prab-
hupada emphasized how we must understand that Krishna is
non-different from His form in the temple room. He kindly
reminded us again and again.
“Krishna is here in His Arca Vigraha form,” he would say.
Four Continents in Five Months 251

During this visit, His Divine Grace let everyone know it

was imperative to perform first-class Deity worship along with
book distribution. After all, the purpose of Srila Prabhupada’s
books was to understand that Krishna is the Supreme Person-
ality of Godhead and we are His servants. Deity worship is the
application of the principles delineated in Srila Prabhupada’s
books.
When it was time for Srila Prabhupada to leave Mexico City
for Caracas the devotees arranged the same police escort to
the airport, hoping to alleviate the usual red tape caused by
international travel. It didn’t work very well. When Srila Prab-
hupada arrived at the airport, there was a delay before he could
board the plane. He had to stay in the car for almost one hour.
While sitting there he said, “It would have been better waiting
in the lounge. I am having to wait in the car.”
It was an uneasy time for all of us realizing Srila Prabhupada
did not have the opportunity for his disciples to see him off.
Srila Prabhupada transcendentally reciprocated with his many
disciples at airports all over the world. For some devotees, this
constituted a large part of their personal association. Srila Pra-
bhupada felt great separation from his disciples while being
denied this pleasure. He understood that a great opportunity
to enliven them was being missed. I felt uneasy about Srila
Prabhupada’s displeasure.

Srila Prabhupada please continue to guide us to

properly serve your Deities, distribute your books, and
love whomever we meet by following your example to
put their needs ahead of our own.

See no. 143 for a similar story.

252 What is the Difficulty?

2 141 2
“Vaisnavas Like to Laugh”
February 13, 1975 ISKCON Mexico, City, Mexico

It is common to hear a devotee say that being in your ISK-

CON is not boring, this especially applied to travelling with
Srila Prabhupada. I always enjoyed the association of his vari-
ous secretaries, editors and personal servants. One of my fa-
vourite devotee friends while being with His Divine Grace was
Paramahamsa Swami. He joined Srila Prabhupada’s entourage
in the fall of 1974. His nature was similar to mine. ‘Easy going’
was the way Srila Prabhupada described me. He was the only
devotee that was younger than I was when I travelled with Srila
Prabhupada and he was very likeable.
When he first became Srila Prabhupada’s permanent secre-
tary, he was overjoyed. He couldn’t believe his great fortune
and expressed it to Srila Prabhupada every time he went into
his room. All of Srila Prabhupada’s disciples would offer obei-
sances whenever they entered his room each day. If you went
in and out of his room five times you would offer pranams
on entering and exiting each time. While serving him lunch I
would bow down every time I brought in a hot chapatti, fresh-
ly cooked, from the next room. The more I put my head on the
floor the happier I was. It meant Srila Prabhupada was eating
several chapattis.
Paramahamsa Swami turned his obeisances into an art.
When he became part of Srila Prabhupada’s entourage, he was
so ecstatic. Whenever Srila Prabhupada asked to see him, upon
entering the room, he would lay his six-foot body in front of
the desk of his Spiritual Master in a full dandavat. After saying
the pranam mantras, he would remain on the floor chanting
various Sanskrit slokas glorifying Srila Prabhupada. After two
years as a sannyasi it seemed like Paramahamsa Swami had
Four Continents in Five Months 253

learned some slokas. Srila Prabhupada allowed this to go on

for a few days. Then one day while Paramahamsa was lying in
front of him chanting different mantras he stopped him saying,
“How are we going to get any work done lying there on the
floor”? Paramahamsa sat up and with a big smile on his face
and agreed to follow his instruction.
While travelling with Srila Prabhupada in February of 1975
Paramahamsa and I were especially jovial. I had just rejoined
the party after leaving them in Mumbai in December of 1974. I
was happy to be with Srila Prabhupada again and Paramaham-
sa and Nitai were glad to have me on the party helping with the
service. At that time Srila Prabhupada was visiting temples in
Los Angeles, Mexico City and Caracas.
Sometimes during kirtans in the temple room Paramahamsa
and I would look around and observe our godbrothers chant-
ing in ecstasy, and then we would look at each other and laugh.
We didn’t speak about it outside of the temple room, but these
were moments we enjoyed together. I am not sure what caused
us to laugh so hard but it went on for some time. I think it was
partly due to the fact that we were together with Srila Prabhu-
pada again after so many weeks apart.
On February 11 Srila Prabhupada arrived in Mexico City.
He would take his daily massage outside in the warm sunshine.
It was something he liked very much. I was massaging his back
on the 13th when Paramahamsa Swami appeared before us on
the veranda. He offered his obeisances and sat up. He looked at
me vigorously massaging His Divine Grace’s back and smiled
broadly. For some reason, that triggered me. I started laugh-
ing at the sight of my godbrother sitting there waiting to ask
Srila Prabhupada a question. That opened the floodgates. We
both started laughing uncontrollably. I was laughing so hard I
couldn’t do my service anymore and stopped massaging Srila
Prabhupada’s back.
At this time Srila Prabhupada inquired in a calm voice, “What
254 What is the Difficulty?

is so funny”? I looked at Paramahamsa, hoping he had some

insight into this display before our beloved transcendental per-
sonality but he sat there quietly. I had to say something. I was
never very good at speaking on the spot in awkward situations,
especially with Srila Prabhupada, and this was one of them.
Finally I said, “I don’t know Prabhupada, when I see Parama-
hamsa sometimes it just makes me laugh”. Srila Prabhupada
smiled and said, “That’s okay, laughing is a Vaisnava activity.”
Relieved, Paramahamsa and I went back to our service.
A few minutes went by and Srila Prabhupada began to tell
us a story about his childhood. This was one of those precious
times we loved so much. Whenever he told you a story you
went to that place and time with him. Nothing else mattered.
He began, “When I was a young boy sometimes my father,
he would walk along the banks of the Ganga. He would stop
at the small huts of the different sadhus there and give them
ganja. Sometimes the Paramahamsa’s they smoke a little ganja
to help control their senses. So, he would provide them with
this ganja”.
He stopped for a minute. Paramahamsa and I were speech-
less. We weren’t laughing now. We didn’t know what to think
or say. I was still massaging Srila Prabhupada’s back when he
began to laugh loudly and looked directly into the eyes of his
secretary and said, “But not YOU Paramahamsa Swami!” I con-
tinued to massage Srila Prabhupada with a smile on my face
and Paramahamsa went on with his service reading letters to
His Divine Grace. Srila Prabhupada sat on his straw massage
mat in the sun. His golden body shined brightly, covered in
mustard oil. The foremost Vaisnava, he also had a good laugh
and the last laugh. It was a wonderful moment I will never
forget.
Srila Prabhupada, I never knew how to include this story
in my memoirs. I thought it was too risky, that your followers
wouldn’t understand. It was difficult for me to comprehend
Four Continents in Five Months 255

also. Even though it was one of the funniest stories you told
us. After all, Vaisnavas like to laugh. You have showed me that
so many times while I was with you and for this I am eternally
grateful. Krishna Consciousness is joyfully performed.
A few years ago I visited my godbrother, Paramahamsa. He
is now living near Mt. Shasta in California. His closest neigh-
bour is a mile away. He is married and likes living in seclusion.
We talked for hours about our service to Srila Prabhupada.
While I was there, he told me that before he was a devotee he
had never been with a woman, not even on a date. However,
he had one great attachment, smoking marijuana. It was very
difficult for him to give that up. After he told me this I could
understand Srila Prabhupada’s story wasn’t just a funny story
that had the three of us laughing, it was one with insight, in-
structing his disciple in a sweet caring way. Srila Prabhupada
knew each one of us completely. He never judged us but he
always encouraged us in the best possible way to chant Hare
Krishna and be happy.

After thirty years, sometimes struggling to follow the

principles, I am appreciating more than ever your ability
to turn fallen westerners into Vaisnavas. You were
always able to give instructions in the sweetest way to
me, Paramahamsa Swami as well and all your disciples
when necessary. Whatever was required to help us in
this lifetime to become more serious. At every moment
you give me instructions. You are eternally present
in them. Only you could be so strict in presenting the
process of Krishna Consciousness to us and at the same
time be so lenient in accepting the many bad habits your
American and European disciples had as they gradually
purified themselves.
I have no understanding of the degree of your
compassion and mercy for us. You are the topmost
256 What is the Difficulty?

messenger of Lord Caitanya and Lord Nityananda. I

look back in amazement at how you could be so happy
and peaceful as you travelled around the world. You
attracted everyone you saw you with your blissful,
transcendental form and smile. When your followers
looked at your eyes filled with love of Krishna their
hearts would immediately melt. Because you were a
genuine Paramahamsa you were able to display such
qualities despite your disciples being a constant source
of concern due to their bad habits and their lack of good
qualities.
You patiently trained, encouraged and chastised us,
thousands of children, some of them quite obstinate.
Only you could have done it. You know fully the potency
of the Maha Mantra and always stress the importance
of chanting our sixteen rounds and following the four
regulative principles. It is a simple path by which we can
become Krishna Conscious. Like Paramahamsa Swami
I want to prostrate myself in front of your desk and
offer prayers until you allow me to serve you again.

2 142 2
“All right, let’s take prasadam.”
February 19, 1975 Venezuela Airlines Flight to Caracas,
Venezuela

Srila Prabhupada influenced everyone he was with. Trav-

elling with him was an enlightening experience. While visiting
various temples, it was ecstatic to see how he lifted everyone’s
spirits to the transcendental realm.
Being with him in planes and airports, however, offered a
different opportunity. I was able to see how he changed the
Four Continents in Five Months 257

lives of those who knew nothing about him. It must have been
his effulgence. It could be seen, even by a quadruped such as
me.
Once a stewardess passed by him and said, “This man looks
very wonderful.” Others would ask what they could do for
him.
One incident on Venezuela Airlines stands alone because of
its uniqueness. Srila Prabhupada, Paramahamsa Swami, Ni-
tai dasa and I were travelling from Mexico City to Caracas. I
hadn’t prepared any prasadam for the flight, but just before we
boarded the plane an Indian Vaisnavi handed me a bag filled
with puffed rice that she had made for the trip.
“All right, let’s take prasadam,” Srila Prabhupada said short-
ly after takeoff.
“Do you want what is being served on the plane?” I
asked.
“No, no!” he immediately said. “We have our prasadam.
That’s all right.”
I didn’t ask for a plate. I simply put the tray-table down, un-
wrapped the aluminium foil and placed the puffed rice before
my spiritual master. He immediately started to eat. Although
it was a small portion, he only ate about half. Without even
looking at me he said, “All right, now you can take.”
This was the nectar for which we were always anxious. Srila
Prabhupada always took great care of his entourage. This qual-
ity was one of many I greatly appreciated.
On this flight, as always, Srila Prabhupada sat by the window.
I always sat in the middle next to Srila Prabhupada, unless I
succumbed to the wishes of a GBC member. Paramahamsa sat
in the aisle seat. I took the puffed rice from His Divine Grace
and split the foil down the middle, keeping half for myself and
giving the rest to Paramahamsa Swami. We were happily eating
Srila Prabhupada’s remnants when a young stewardess who
was walking down the aisle looked at us and spontaneously
258 What is the Difficulty?

reached past Paramahamsa and placed her hand in my maha-

prasadam. Grabbing a fistful, she tossed it into her mouth.
“Oh, this is very good,” she exclaimed. “What is it?”
“It’s puffed rice,” I said trying to keep my composure. “It’s
made from rice.”
Srila Prabhupada looked at her with a broad smile.
“Ah, this is very good,” she again stated.
“I’m glad you like it,” I said still a little shocked about what
she had done.
“Are you having anything else to eat?” she inquired.
“Well, we’re vegetarian,” I explained. “Unless there is some
fruit, we can’t have anything.”
“I will go up to the first-class section and get you a basket of
fruit,” she eagerly responded.
In a moment she returned with fruit and knives and again
asked if there was anything she could get us. Turning to Sri-
la Prabhupada I asked, “Prabhupada, would you like some
milk?”
“Yes, hot milk,” he said.
“Okay,” I told her. “He will have some hot milk and we will
have some as well.” She quickly went to first class and came
back with the hot milk.
Srila Prabhupada lectured many times about Supersoul re-
siding in the heart of the living entity. However, I had never
experienced His presence before that day. I became convinced
that only Supersoul within the heart of the stewardess could
have inspired her to act in such an unprofessional manner.
Sometimes devotees would offer me money to get a taste of
Srila Prabhupada’s remnants. (I never took it.) They begged
for the opportunity to render personal service. Here was this
flight attendant boldly going where no one had ever gone be-
fore by the mercy of Krishna and His pure devotee.
Four Continents in Five Months 259

All Glories to you, Srila Prabhupada, for distributing

your mercy to all living entities that came in contact
with you.

2 143 2

“You must worship the Deity very nicely!”

February 19, 1975 Caracas, Venezuela

When Srila Prabhupada arrived at the temple in Caracas,

Venezuela it was like an instant replay of his arriving in Mexico
City. He took darshan of the Deities and later in his room sam-
pled the maha-prasadam.
“These puris are terrible,” Srila Prabhupada again said. “The
vegetable is horrible. This prasadam is not good. Deity worship
must be first-class. You must worship the Deity very nicely!”
Again I was surprised. It was unusual for Srila Prabhupada
to reprimand his disciples by saying they must improve the
Deity worship. Either way, Srila Prabhupada kindly encour-
aged his young disciples to make advancement on the spiritual
path.
It was never that Srila Prabhupada was upset with us and we
were doomed. He would stress the importance of performing
our service with care and attention. This was the example our
beloved Spiritual Master gave us. Everything Srila Prabhupada
did was with the utmost attention and devotion to the Lord.
Srila Prabhupada enjoyed his stay in this part of the world
and was impressed with the sincerity of the devotees. I also en-
joyed being at the Caracas temple since I lived there for a few
months when I first left Srila Prabhupada’s personal service in
January of 1974. I knew most of the devotees well and, for me,
it was like going home.
260 What is the Difficulty?

When we arrived in the temple room Srila Prabhupada took

his place on the Vyasasana. I stood before him as the kirtan
started. As the devotees chanted I began to look around at the
old familiar faces around me. I was enjoying them seeing me as
Srila Prabhupada’s servant. As I stood there smiling broadly I
felt something hit me in the head. I turned and looked at Srila
Prabhupada. His feet were now bare.
He took off his socks, rolled them up in a ball and threw
them at my head. I was my service to remove them but being
distracted I didn’t notice that he wanted them off because it
was warm in the temple. He graciously benedicted me for my
foolishness.

Srila Prabhupada, you have created a large family

of Vaisnavas. You are the munificent father and
grandfather of tens of thousands of devotees of Lord
Krishna. You have very kindly made it possible for your
followers to go anywhere in the world, take darshan
of the Supreme Personality of Godhead and enjoy the
association of friends and family. This is one of the
great fringe benefits of being a member of your ISKCON
society. Please allow this prodigal son to remain within
your family, always.
You instructed us that book distribution and deity
worship must go side by side. Your books inspire and give
us knowledge to serve Krishna. Deity worship allows us
to practice devotional service. Their Lordships are the
original root source of this Vaisnava family. Without
them, we are lost. Your books are like attractive,
cordial invitations to please come and personally serve
the Deity.

See no. 140 for a similar story.

Four Continents in Five Months 261

2 144 2
“You must give up everything.”
February 25, 1975 ISKCON Miami

Srila Prabhupada arrived in Miami after a wonderful two

weeks in Mexico City and Caracas, Venezuela. He stayed in a
cottage adjacent to the temple. The cottage was normally the
residence of a householder couple. There were posters of devo-
tional paintings from Srila Prabhupada’s books on the walls. As
Srila Prabhupada and I walked into the house he noticed a par-
ticular poster on the wall. Krishna was sitting on the chariot
and Arjuna was standing behind Him with his left hand hold-
ing his forehead. Arjuna looked as if he was in a great deal of
distress (Plate 5, Bhagavad Gita As It Is).
Srila Prabhupada began laughing.
“Yes, this picture,” he said. “I like this picture very much.
This picture is very instructive.”
Unaware of any correlation to my own situation in life, I
naively inquired, “What is that Srila Prabhupada?”
Knowing me completely, he replied, “Well, Krishna is saying
to Arjuna, ‘You must give up everything.’ He is telling Arjuna,
‘Give up all your family. You must kill them. You must kill
your family members.’ So this is the point. One has to be ready
to give up everything for Krishna and do what Krishna desires.
You must be prepared to give up a wife, children, everything.
One has to be ready to kill their relatives if Krishna desires
what to speak of giving them up. If Krishna wants, you kill
your relatives. This is a devotee. A devotee is prepared to kill
their relatives for Krishna. So, at this point, Arjuna is ready. He
is having to accept. Then everything is all right. As devotees,
we must be able to give up all of these family relationships.”
At this point I became overwhelmed with my own internal
turmoil since I still considered myself a newlywed with a won-
262 What is the Difficulty?

derful baby boy. I was just embarking on family life, certainly

not ready to give them up, much less kill them. This point
of surrender was so extreme. I just gave in to the fact that I
couldn’t yet understand. Burdened by my own ignorance, I
looked down at the ground and quietly responded, “Yes, Srila
Prabhupada.”
After explaining the picture, Srila Prabhupada continued
into the cottage. I began to unpack his suitcase while consider-
ing his valuable instruction. I longed for the comfort of family
attachment. I was tormented with the fact that I left my infant
son and young wife.
The way His Divine Grace explained Arjuna’s dilemma was
completely objective. Srila Prabhupada was so expert. He was
not telling me to leave my family. He was gently persuading
me to come to my own conclusion. There was no indication in
his voice that this was my predicament. Yet, it was obvious to
me that this was my exact predicament. I was attached and de-
termined to stay with my family. Srila Prabhupada philosophi-
cally prepared me to make the important decision that was to
come in the near future.
I had enlisted in Srila Prabhupada’s army. Instead of Uncle
Sam on the billboard, Prabhupada pointed, saying, “Krishna
wants you!” We were at war with Maya. Srila Prabhupada, our
commander and chief, called upon us to implement emergency
measures. As volunteer warriors, this required great personal
sacrifice. We could choose frontline preaching work or be in-
volved in behind the scenes support. In my case it involved
personally serving Srila Prabhupada and for many others it in-
volved long hours of sankirtan.
Somewhat weary from battling Maya, I became aware that
the war was never over. Somehow or other, I realized that
making one stab at surrendering to Krishna was not enough.
The magical panacea of mitigating all stress through instant,
total Krishna consciousness no longer seemed possible for me.
Four Continents in Five Months 263

I could make the wonderful choice of staying properly situated

at the lotus feet of Srila Prabhupada, but it didn’t mean my
mind would be willing to be taken hostage by my intelligence.
My intelligence battled daily with my rebellious mind. In the
past, this struggle caused my body to succumb to illness.
I was secure in the fact that my family was being provided
for at the Hawaii Temple. It wasn’t as if I had abandoned them.
I was just called away on a tour of eminent duty. I had only
been with Srila Prabhupada for two weeks after leaving Hawaii.
I took comfort knowing that when His Divine Grace left the
United States, I would be back in the loving arms of my fam-
ily. After all, the agreement made with Paramahamsa Swami,
Prabhupada’s secretary, was that Nanda Kumar would be Srila
Prabhupada’s servant while touring India. I was very attached
to this arrangement.
However, Srila Prabhupada seemed to be preparing me for
more transcendental loving service by instructing me on a
much different level. He was giving me the opportunity to sur-
render to Krishna and stay with him as his personal servant.
It appeared that he was telling me I should give up my attach-
ment to my family and continue to be his personal servant. He
didn’t say anything more about it while he stayed in Miami.
Out of apprehension, I certainly didn’t mention it again.
Always cent percent Krishna conscious, Srila Prabhupada
continued to teach us how to surrender to Krishna and declare
war on Maya. I, on the other hand, was not Krishna conscious.
I had glimpses, but no real vision. It was hard for me to always
stay in the fire of Krishna consciousness. It was hard to stay
on the front line. I was tired and in need of some relief, some
sense gratification. I needed a quick fix. I needed something
for the pain brought on by denying my senses. My addiction
to independent pleasure raged. Although, I very much relished
being with Srila Prabhupada, my senses always churned. I was
always looking for some way to pacify them. It didn’t matter
264 What is the Difficulty?

where we were. I was always eager to go to the next temple.

Unable to be at peace, I always promised myself that satisfac-
tion was just around the corner. So, I was always ready to be
on the move.
Somehow or other, despite my transient nature, Srila Prab-
hupada was satisfied with me as his servant. This is an impor-
tant fact. Srila Prabhupada was satisfied with whatever Krishna
provided. Fortunately, he did not give up on me. In spite of all
of my many flaws, he never told me to leave his personal serv-
ice and do something else. He allowed me to stay at his lotus
feet and render intimate service, no matter how disturbed my
mind was. I took solace massaging the soft lotus feet of His
Divine Grace and became peaceful.

My loving master, you are very compassionate. You

always encouraged me in the sweetest possible way to
stay under your care and perform devotional service.
I was so unfortunate that I was unable to surrender to
your desire. There is not one day that goes by that I do
not lament my foolish behaviour. I pray that someday I
will get the chance to once again rub your lotus feet. If it
happens, I hope to remember how easily I gave up such
a covetable service, so that I will never again let go of
those soft, golden lotus feet.

2 145 2
“Why, here you have dirt?”
February 26, 1975 ISKCON Miami, Florida

One day Srila Prabhupada took his morning walk on the

temple grounds in Coconut Grove. While walking in the yard,
he turned to the temple president and asked, “Why every-
Four Continents in Five Months 265

one else’s yards are clean? Here there are only leaves on the
ground?”
“Well, under the leaves there is nothing but dirt,” the devo-
tee responded. “The leaves keep the dirt from rising.”
“There are lawns everywhere,” Srila Prabhupada replied.
“Why, here you have dirt?”
Srila Prabhupada always wanted everything to be done first
class. He knew that sometimes we had ‘hippie mentalities’. He
wanted our temples to be very clean, the Deity worship done
properly and for us to be dressed nicely and kept clean. He
particularly didn’t like to see the men with ‘long hairs’ and
beards.
Srila Prabhupada you had to instruct us how to do every-
thing, how to dress, cook, and keep ourselves clean. There was
very little we knew how to do. For years you taught your chil-
dren without losing your patience. It was more wonderful that
you relished associating with us, your Vaisnavas in training.
Thank you for never renouncing your service.

2 146 2
“Caitanya Mahaprabhu even does not demand sur-
render.”
February 28, 1975 ISKCON Atlanta, Georgia

Srila Prabhupada’s visit to the Atlanta temple lasted only

a few days, but it was packed with transcendental nectar. Srila
Prabhupada flooded the devotee community with love of God-
head. When His Divine Grace arrived, he delivered the follow-
ing short, sweet lecture to the devotee congregation in front of
Their Lordships.
Srila Prabhupada: So I am very glad to see you, and I am
266 What is the Difficulty?

coming first of all to Mexico City?

Devotee: Yes.
Prabhupada: So Mexico City, then Caracas, then . . .
Devotee: Miami.
Prabhupada: Miami. So I see your temple is the best.
Devotees: Jaya! Hari bol!
Prabhupada: So, Caitanya Mahaprabhu is very kind. Parama
karuna pahu dui jana. Two Lords, Nitai-Gauracandra. Nity-
ananda Prabhu and Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. They are very
kind, you see? They have appeared just to reclaim the fallen
souls of this age. So They are more kind than Krishna. Krishna,
He is also very kind. He comes to deliver. But, Krishna de-
mands that first of all surrender. Caitanya Mahaprabhu even
does not demand surrender. He is so kind. (Voice choking) So,
take shelter of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and be happy. Thank
you very much. (Weeping) Copyright BBT
Seeing Their Lordships, Srila Prabhupada melted in ecstasy.
Inundated by the flood of love of Godhead, nectarine tears of
bliss showered from Srila Prabhupada’s eyes. Srila Prabhupada
was overjoyed to see the Deities being taken care of so nicely.
What good fortune! How incredibly moving it was to witness
Srila Prabhupada’s transcendental encounters with Their Lord-
ships! It is not possible to adequately describe His Divine Grace
as he gave us a hint of his divine ecstasy. Srila Prabhupada
saw the Lord before him. I, on the other hand, saw beautiful
Deities made of metal. I did not understand the real nature of
Arca Vigraha. I could only imagine what Srila Prabhupada was
experiencing.
Srila Prabhupada rarely revealed his ecstatic symptoms. On
a previous occasion in Mayapur, he apologized after he went
into an ecstatic trance. This was the only time I was fortunate
enough to witness Srila Prabhupada’s tears of ecstasy. Stunned
and astonished, everyone remained motionless; mesmerized by
Srila Prabhupada’s transcendental mellows. We stood in rapt
Four Continents in Five Months 267

attention as our spiritual master left external consciousness

while each moment seemed like twelve years or more. Mys-
terious time stretched out around us like the great unknown.
Astounded, we ecstatically stood and awaited Srila Prabhupa-
da’s return. As His Divine Grace rejoined us, he nodded for
kirtan to begin.
What amazed me was Srila Prabhupada’s ability to refrain
from such ecstatic symptoms on a regular basis. He expert-
ly controlled himself in order to instruct us and to push on
Lord Caitanya’s movement. We were not capable of fully un-
derstanding Srila Prabhupada’s ecstasy, so he compassionately
trained us, beginning with the neophyte level. Devotional serv-
ice is so full of transcendental bhava that foolish rascals easily
consider such emotion to be like ordinary, mundane feelings,
because that is all they know. Srila Prabhupada carefully lived
an exemplary life by teaching us what we were ready to learn.
Also, while in Atlanta, he played mrdanga on the vyasasana
during a kirtan. This was the only time I was able to witness
such a wonderful event. Everyone was treated to very rare and
ecstatic glimpses of their divine spiritual master.

My dear Srila Prabhupada, I realize that if I meditate

on any day of your life, I can become Krishna conscious.
Every minute in your presence was filled with waves of
nectar that continually poured from your transcendental
form. I am still unable to appreciate the love of God
emanating from you, because my consciousness is filled
with the desire to enjoy. Srila Prabhupada, please give
me the eyes needed to see you.
268 What is the Difficulty?

2 147 2
“If I say you can do it, then it is all right.”
March 1, 1975 ISKCON Atlanta, Georgia

Paramahamsa, Nitai and I received unique, transcendental

treasures during our stay in Atlanta. When Srila Prabhupada
arrived the weather was rather cold. The devotees presented
Srila Prabhupada with warm socks and a pair of canvas walk-
ing shoes. The next morning before the walk I assisted Srila
Prabhupada by sliding his transcendental toes into his new
pair of shoes with his blessed shoe horn. After his walk and
morning program, Srila Prabhupada rang his bell. I found my
way to his new quarters and offered my obeisances. I sat up
and looked at Srila Prabhupada.
“These shoes do not fit me,” he said. “If they fit, you can use
them.”
“I can’t wear your shoes, Srila Prabhupada,” I immediately
answered. “That would be offensive.”
“If I say you can do it, then it is all right,” he gently replied.
I was startled! Srila Prabhupada was always full of surprises,
but I never imagined walking in my Guru Maharaja’s shoes!
Like a young boy, I grew increasingly excited with the idea of
walking in my spiritual father’s shoes. I had heard one should
not use the spiritual master’s shoes, so this made the idea even
more intriguing. The notion that I could do it was controver-
sial! I liked it! I had firm faith that when Srila Prabhupada
said something was all right, then it was definitely all right.
I felt safe and was excited knowing his shoes were filled with
incredible potency. Smiling, I agreed to take his shoes. Srila
Prabhupada’s generosity continued to flow in my direction.
“Do you need any socks?” he asked.
I have to admit, although it was a gluttonous thing to accept
gifts from your spiritual master, I thoroughly enjoyed it. With
Four Continents in Five Months 269

heightened desire, I cheerfully, yet shamefully, replied, “Yes, I

guess I do.”
“All right,” he said. “Take some socks for yourself and give
some to Paramahamsa and Nitai also.”
I happily complied with his instructions. I offered my obei-
sances, filled my arms with his shoes and some socks and
dashed out of the room. The first thing I did was hurry to a
secluded spot like a mischievous child and tried to place my
feet into his transcendental footwear. Much like the evil step-
sister, my feet were regrettably too big to fit into His Divine
Grace’s shoes. Persistently, I kept trying to squeeze my locust
feet into Srila Prabhupada’s magical shoes. Finally, I under-
stood the profound lesson. I practically and symbolically could
never walk in Srila Prabhupada’s shoes.
Being playful, I unfortunately did not linger upon the depth
of this message. My rascal nature made me rush to my god-
brothers where I capriciously handed them Srila Prabhupada’s
socks. I explained that His Divine Grace wanted them to have
them. They resisted, chastising me for my improper behaviour.
They reacted exactly as I had anticipated. I confidently passed
on Srila Prabhupada’s benediction in spite of their hearty ob-
jections. The controversy was confirmed by their criticism and
sweetened the adventure. Contented, I guaranteed that Srila
Prabhupada had given his personal endorsement. They could
rest assured that Srila Prabhupada had given his seal of approv-
al and it was all right to wear them. Hearing this, they excitedly
grabbed the socks from my hands and happily put them on to
warm their cold toes.
Srila Prabhupada personally utilized everything in Krishna’s
service or engaged others in this transcendental principle of
utility. So, trying to follow in his footsteps, not in his shoes, I
quickly got over the fact that the shoes did not fit me. The next
time I saw the temple president, I explained that the shoes did
not fit Srila Prabhupada properly, so he could have them.
270 What is the Difficulty?

He took them and placed them at the foot of Srila Prabhu-

pada’s vyasasana. Embarrassed, I could not bring myself to tell
him what had transpired. I took comfort, however, knowing
that it was not possible to contaminate anything that came in
contact with our completely pure spiritual master.

Srila Prabhupada, you have showered so much

mercy upon me. I have often heard it said, “Familiarity
breeds contempt.” I know I was always offensive by not
fully comprehending your glorious presence. Contrary
to mundane relationships, the more you benedicted
me with your association, the more I appreciated
your greatness. You continually express your love to
everyone. You reciprocate with genuine affection. As
you warmly express your love for your disciples, I
have become more and more enchanted and attached
to you. You embody all that you preach. You freely
give your spiritual love to everyone. Since your love is
unmotivated and unconditional, it never diminishes or
becomes cheap. Your love crosses time and space and
touches the heart of anyone fortunate enough to receive
your transcendental literature. You stay ever-close to
the hearts of your faithful disciples, who adhere to your
Bhagavata Vani. Please forgive me for thinking I could
walk in your shoes. No one compares to you. I should
have known better. Although, I can never fit into your
shoes, I pray that someday I may follow in those divine
footsteps that you have placed clearly before me.
Four Continents in Five Months 271

2 148 2
“You offer your obeisances!”
March 2, 1975 ISKCON Atlanta, Georgia

Morning Massage
Every morning at approximately 11:00 a.m., Srila Prab-
hupada began his morning massage for about one and a half
hours. There were no hard and fast rules for the length of time
he took his massage. Sometimes during his massage, Srila Pra-
bhupada’s secretary read him his mail and took dictation for
replies. His Sanskrit editor also came in with questions regard-
ing Srila Prabhupada’s morning translation work.
While I massaged him one day, his Sanskrit editor came and
went several times from Srila Prabhupada’s room. The first
time he entered the room he carefully offered his obeisances.
The next few times he entered he knelt quickly, momentar-
ily touched his head to the floor and hastily sat up and asked
questions. Again he left the room. The next time he entered
the room, he touched his head to the floor for a moment.
“What is this hatchet?” Srila Prabhupada said, chastising
him as he sat up. “You offer your obeisances! This hatchet is
not good.” As he said the word ‘hatchet’ he took his right arm
and swung it up and down like one would do when using an
axe.
Srila Prabhupada always cared for his disciples. He protect-
ed us from making careless offences.
This incident happened years ago. It was another instance of
how well Srila Prabhupada picked his words. A hatchet is often
used to cut down trees and creepers. Our devotional creeper is
very fragile. While rendering personal service to the spiritual
master, we can easily damage our devotional creeper by care-
lessly swinging our hatchet-like egos. To be ‘Krishna conscious’
means we must be conscious of our activities at all times. We
272 What is the Difficulty?

can not take short cuts in the process of devotional service.

Srila Prabhupada your mercy to your disciples

was endless. Your chastisement came from such great
compassion for us. When you saw one of your disciples
acting in a way that was damaging to their devotional
creeper, you would try your best to correct them. You
often told us that devotional service was voluntary and
no one could be forced to surrender to Krishna. Still,
you did your best to encourage us in our fragile state. If
we listen carefully we can hear your instructions. If we
read your books sincerely and regularly we will know
them without a doubt.
All Glories to Srila Prabhupada, the most expert
gardener who lovingly tends to our devotional creeper!
Jai Srila Prabhupada!

2 149 2
“What shall we do?”
March 3, 1975 ISKCON Dallas, Texas

Srila Prabhupada travelled quickly through the western

world. Normally, he spent only a few days, or at most a week,
visiting each temple. The two places he blessed with his divine
association for extended periods were New Dvaraka in Los An-
geles and New Navadvipa in Hawaii.
After visiting the Atlanta yatra for two days, Srila Prabhu-
pada and his entourage proceeded to the Dallas centre for an-
other two days. My mind was fixated on the agreement I had
made with Paramahamsa Maharaja about returning to my wife
and son in Hawaii before Srila Prabhupada departed for In-
Four Continents in Five Months 273

dia. Part of me longed for the comfort of society, friendship

and love that devotional householder life offered. Another part
of me was racked with guilt for wanting to leave my beloved
Guru Maharaja. With a restless heart, it was hard for me to sit
alone in the servant’s quarters hour after hour, day after day,
waiting to be called. My senses churned, pushing me to press
Paramahamsa Maharaja into action.
I decided to speak with Paramahamsa in Dallas since it was
the closest temple to the devotee who was to replace me in
Los Angeles. I told him it was time to set up the exchange.
Srila Prabhupada’s next stop, before leaving for India, was New
York. I feared going to India. It generally resulted in my ex-
treme illness. I wanted to make certain that the arrangements
were made effectively. It was a simple matter of arranging for
Srila Prabhupada’s next servant’s flight to New York and my
flight could go directly from Dallas to Hawaii.
Late that morning, while I energetically massaged Srila Prab-
hupada, Paramahamsa Maharaja, His Divine Grace’s secretary,
walked into the room and offered his obeisances.
“Srila Prabhupada,” he said. “Should we send for your other
servant in Los Angeles? Shouldn’t he come now to replace Sru-
takirti? Shall we set it up?”
For me this was the moment of truth. I was in great anxiety
as I waited for Srila Prabhupada’s reply. I didn’t know what to
expect, but understood anything was possible. It was curious
how often decisions were made when I was massaging Srila
Prabhupada’s back, unable to see the expressions on his beau-
tiful golden face. I sat crossed-legged behind Srila Prabhupada
rubbing vigorously and holding my breath. My wait was over
quickly.
“I am not very anxious for this boy to come with me,” he
said. “He is too whimsical. Some woman will walk by and he
will go away. And then, finished. Then, it will be all over. He is
very good, he is very qualified. But, he is too whimsical. A girl
274 What is the Difficulty?

will cross his path and then finished. He will be gone.”

“Well, Srila Prabhupada,” Paramahamsa said. “What shall
we do? Srutakirti should come to India?”
There was about three seconds before Srila Prabhupada
replied. It was as if he was waiting for me to say something.
He was giving me a choice. My ambivalence kept me silent. I
broke into a cold sweat realizing that in spite of my apprehen-
sion, most likely, I would return to India with my beloved Srila
Prabhupada.
“Yes, he can come,” Srila Prabhupada said.
Again, Srila Prabhupada, very mercifully and gently, gave
me another opportunity to make a choice. My heart melted.
My Guru Maharaja wanted me to come with him! I felt my
beloved Guru Maharaja needed me! Srila Prabhupada made
me feel heroic, so, courageously, I agreed to come to India.
That was all that was said during the remainder of the mas-
sage. Paramahamsa offered his obeisances and left the room. I
continued to massage my loving spiritual master until he told
me to stop.
Returning to the servant’s quarters, I had a good laugh with
my godbrothers. Deep down, I figured this would happen.
After Srila Prabhupada made his decision, I felt great relief.
Something very special had taken place! Srila Prabhupada ex-
pressed that he liked having me as a servant! It may seem silly,
but it meant a great deal to me. Srila Prabhupada never said
much about what I did day after day. He was transcendental,
serving the Supreme Lord, and accepted all situations as the
mercy of the Lord. On that day he said he wanted me to come
with him. Srila Prabhupada spent a lot of time training me and
was pleased with the results. It was a good feeling. Srila Prab-
hupada always let me know he appreciated what I did, but on
that day, he confirmed it.
Sometimes devotees inquire about the nature of a first-class
personal servant. In retrospect, I think a good servant invisibly
Four Continents in Five Months 275

assists by anticipating the needs of the master. He satisfies the

master’s needs without being asked. A good personal servant
does not ask for much in return, does not need much encour-
agement, or many problems solved. A good personal servant
does not manufacture questions and only speaks when spo-
ken to. A good personal servant does not try to manipulate the
master. A good personal servant does his service and stays out
of the way. A good personal servant only renders an opinion
if asked. Any questions should be tendered with sincerity and
submission. A good personal servant is influenced by the Guru
and seeks not to interfere in the Guru’s mission.

Gurudeva, it made me feel wonderful knowing

you wanted me with you. Now, I feel only sadness
because my desire was not strong enough to stay with
you. Srila Prabhupada, every day I lament and these
feelings gnaw at me. I am the most unfortunate person
on the planet. You never sent me away, yet I left you.
Being short-sighted and foolish, I thought you would
be with us forever in your vapu. Please forgive me for
my ignorance. I pray that you allow me your darshan
once again. I am in a hellish condition, alone and lost
without seeing your smile and feeling the touch of your
silky, soft lotus feet.

2 150 2
“Daton is there?”
March 7, 1975 New York, New York

There were countless mornings when Srila Prabhupada

passed by me on the way to his bathroom.
“Daton is there?” He said.
276 What is the Difficulty?

When he said that I knew it meant I had forgotten to put

his twig in the bathroom so he could brush his teeth. When I
was with him, Srila Prabhupada used a twig to brush his teeth,
not a toothbrush. The best was from the neem tree. This was
easy to get in India. You could go to a store and buy them by
the bunch.
In New York City, however, it wasn’t easy to get any kind
of twig. Somehow, I always managed to get something. The
important feature to look for was a wood that became bristly
when chewed on the end.
As his personal servant I was supposed to ensure that wher-
ever Srila Prabhupada travelled, he would have the facility to
follow his schedule. It was amazing. He did so much travelling,
but maintained his regulation as if the term “jet lag” was only
imaginary. I was mediocre, at best, in performing my duties.
Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for tolerating me as I fumbled
through my service.

2 151 2
“My mother, she made very first-class puffed rice.”
March 20, 1975 ISKCON Juhu Beach, Mumbai, India

One evening Srila Prabhupada called me into his room.

“This evening you can make me some puffed rice and pea-
nuts,” he said. “It will fill me, but it is not heavy. What I ate
last night made it difficult for me to get up and do my translat-
ing work. With puffed rice there is no indigestion.”
I offered obeisances and left the room smiling and shaking
my head. I didn’t say anything to him but I wanted to ask how
it was so. He was always getting up around 1 a.m. to do his
translating work.
Four Continents in Five Months 277

I left his room and began to prepare the puffed rice and pea-
nuts. He told me to serve it with sliced cucumber and ginger
root on the side. First, a chaunce was made and then the puffed
rice and peanuts were put into the wok and cooked until all
the grains were toasted. I brought it to his room along with hot
milk that was sweetened with sugar. Shortly after he finished
his meal he called me in and told me it was time for his mas-
sage.
For his evening massage he either sat up or lay on his back.
While in his Juhu flat I sat on his bed beside him because the
mosquito net surrounded his bed. The room was very peace-
ful.
The massage started out innocently enough. The weather
was always warm in Juhu. Srila Prabhupada was lying down
in the bed. Because it was so warm he didn’t have a sheet over
him. I began massaging his legs. It was my favourite time of
the day. No one ever walked into his room at this time, not his
secretary or his Sanskrit editor. It was the time of day that was
reserved for his personal servant. What a privilege to be there
with him.
During this time it was difficult to imagine that he was Spir-
itual Master for the whole world. It wasn’t difficult to see that
he was completely transcendental. He exhibited it at every mo-
ment. He was detached from the results of everything going
on in the society but his determination to serve Krishna was
unparalleled.
I had been massaging his legs for about 10 minutes. Without
even opening his eyes, he began speaking to me. “My mother,
she made very first-class puffed rice,” he said as I massaged his
legs. “She had a special wok. A very thick wok, so you could
make it hot. You put sand in the wok and fire it very hot. You
would throw the rice in and mix it up. It would puff in the
hot sand. Then you sifted it so all the sand would fall through.
When sifting, you had to be sure and clean it very well until all
278 What is the Difficulty?

the sand was gone.”

He stopped for a moment and then continued, “She would
give it to us often. This puffed rice is very nice. She was a first-
class cook. Everything she made, she made nicely. It was nat-
ural. My sister also, she was a very good cook. She learned
from my mother. I also learned to cook, just by watching my
mother.
In the Vedic society it was the woman’s duty. All day the
women were engaged in cooking. The husband and children,
they took nice prasadam and everyone was happy. The wom-
an’s day was spent cooking and drying out foodstuffs. Stor-
ing and preparing all different kinds of foodstuffs and cooking
down milk and making ghee. In this way they were all very
expert. In the Vedic culture, whenever there was some gather-
ing, all the women would get together. Whatever feast there
was, everyone would bring something. In this way they could
have big festivals.”
Still absorbed in his childhood pastimes he continued,
“When we were young there was no want of food. We always
had plenty of food. In mango season we would have a bushel
basket of mangos in the house. When we were children, we
would run through the house, playing. We would grab man-
goes as we were running through. All through the day we
could eat mangos. It wasn’t you had to think, ‘Oh, can I have
a mango?’ Plenty of food was there. So life was simple. My fa-
ther, he didn’t talk much, but he always provided enough food.
There was no difficulty.” I continued to massage his legs and
feet as he lay there peacefully. I didn’t say a word. What could
I say? I just felt bliss.

Srila Prabhupada, being with you the meaning for

the term “Causeless mercy” became clear to me. There
was no amount of pious activities one could perform to
be able to have your association, what to speak of being
Four Continents in Five Months 279

with you at such moments. To sit here and try to describe

it isn’t possible, still I am trying. They are eternal
moments. Please allow me to serve you eternally.

2 152 2
“They are trying to blackmail me”
March 21, 1975 ISKCON Kolkata, India

What I found amazing was how transcendental Srila Pra-

bhupada was, considering he had to deal with so many young,
inexperienced disciples. Srila Prabhupada was expert at every-
thing. He spent almost two hours talking about the workings
of a car engine to a world champion race car driver in his room
at Bhaktivedanta Manor. And then there were his disciples; we
were expert at wasting money, changing his directives, and
mis-quoting his desires.
It was just a few weeks before the scheduled opening of
Krishna Balarama Mandir. There had already been so many
setbacks. Srila Prabhupada didn’t like delays and he couldn’t
tolerate wasting money. Sometimes it seemed that he expect-
ed things to happen without spending any money. At least he
expected that his disciples should acquire the required funds
without approaching him for it. In 1975 most all the money for
developing the temples in India came from the West.
On this day he was sitting in his room in Calcutta. In front
of him were half a dozen of his senior disciples. A phone call
came from Vrndavana. One devotee transmitted the message.
He told Srila Prabhupada that they were requesting still more
funds to complete the construction and have the grand open-
ing. Srila Prabhupada didn’t want to hear another word. He
pounded his fist on the desk and shouted, “My disciples, they
are trying to blackmail me, by not putting this festival on in
280 What is the Difficulty?

time. They are simply taking so much money and now they
want more money and this festival is not going to happen.”
I sat in the corner of the room, numb. I always struggled in
these situations feeling helpless, unable to do anything for my
spiritual master. I could feel my heart beat almost as loud as
his fist pounding the desk. He continued, still angered by our
incompetence. “I don’t care if it happens. I don’t want any-
thing more to do with it.” He then ordered everyone out of the
room.
Who could understand the mind of the pure devotee? I cer-
tainly couldn’t. I just wanted to see Prabhupada relieved of
the anxiety we caused him. He worked so hard for years to
give us what we now have. I think only a few of his followers
can appreciate how hard he worked to create this society and
establish temples all over the world. Now, travelling around
to temples it is easy to take for granted the countless conven-
iences we have, the easy facility to perform our service.
A few minutes later Ramesvara and I went back into his
room and offered obeisances. Srila Prabhupada sat behind his
desk, appearing very grave. Ramesvara said, “I can try to make
some arrangement and get the money from America.” His Di-
vine Grace replied, “If you want to do it, do it, but I don’t want
to hear anything about it. I don’t want anything to do with it
anymore.” Ramesvara went into the city and made a series of
phone calls and arranged that the required money would be
sent to Vrndavana.
Of course the opening went on according to schedule. When
he arrived in Vrndavana Srila Prabhupada took charge. It was
essential that every thing was done in a first class manner. He
wanted that his western Vaisnavas were taken seriously. He
put his senior GBC men in charge of all departments. Jayat-
irtha was the head pujari, Bhavananda was in charge of see-
ing everything was properly clean. Another was in charge of
accommodations. Srila Prabhupada didn’t miss anything. He
Four Continents in Five Months 281

always knew what was going on, without leaving his room.
Each day I must have walked miles, going back and forth to
his quarters. He would call me in his room and say, “Go find
Surabhi.... Go get Jayatirtha... Bring me Bhavananda.”
He knew all our defects and our limited abilities. He mer-
cifully allowed us to engage in his devotional service, in the
holiest of Dhamas. He was, is and always will be our ‘Ever will
wisher”.

Srila Prabhupada your mercy was not always easy

to understand. You entrusted so much service to your
leaders. With that increased service came increased
responsibility. Sometimes, standing before the Deities,
in a very grave voice you would tell us that we had to
understand we were serving Krishna. You said it with
the full realization that you were serving Him. You also
understood that we didn’t have that same realization.
You could help us in so many ways. But like you told
me in New Dvaraka, “In the end we all have to fly our
own airplane.”
Maya is very strong and the more service we perform
the more we are tested. By following your instructions
carefully, one is protected by you. You also said many
times, ‘By chanting sixteen rounds daily and following
the regulative principles Maya can not touch you’.
282 What is the Difficulty?

2 153 2
“Are they getting cows milk to drink?”
March 24, 1975 ISKCON Mayapur, India

During my first trip to India with Srila Prabhupada in 1972,

I contracted jaundice, malaria, colitis and, of course, dysentery
within the first two months. The effects continued to linger
and my health was somewhat fragile. Srila Prabhupada’s tour
of India lasted about two months and due to the mercy of my
beloved Gurudeva, I stayed healthy the entire time.
I am embarrassed to speak about my activities, but I must
because Srila Prabhupada personally saw to it that I received all
I required to stay healthy. I ate fresh fruits, yogurt and cheese
made from cows’ milk. In addition, I ate steamed vegetables
and rice. For breakfast, I also ate oatmeal. Of course, I ate Srila
Prabhupada’s remnants whenever the opportunity arose. At
different times he asked me if I was getting fresh cows’ milk
and sufficient fruit to eat. He would tell the mataji arranging
his cooking to see that I was getting what I wanted. I do not
want to sound offensive, but Srila Prabhupada nurtured me,
not like a father, but more like a loving, concerned mother. His
Divine Grace endeared himself to all he met. I was enchanted
with his kindness. He cared so much about us all. He still does.
I am ashamed to say that I never deserved such transcendental
favour.
Srila Prabhupada’s wonderful quality of mercy was not for
me alone. He loved all of his disciples. When he arrived at the
Krishna Balarama Mandir for the temple opening he called the
leaders into his room and asked, “How is everyone being taken
care of? Are they getting cows’ milk to drink? They must get
cows’ milk. They shouldn’t be drinking buffalo milk.”
I cannot emphasize enough how many times Srila Prabhu-
pada spoke about the importance of serving nice prasadam to
Four Continents in Five Months 283

the devotees. One of the first lessons Srila Prabhupada taught

me was that every visitor must take prasadam before leaving,
even if it was one piece of fruit.
During the Utsava, the opening festival of Krishna Balarama
Mandir, devotees stayed in various guest houses near the tem-
ple because there was not sufficient facility at the temple. Srila
Prabhupada told those in charge, “Be sure the devotees have
nice facility. They should not be uncomfortable.” It was de-
lightful to watch a Krishna conscious person in action. Srila
Prabhupada was fully cognizant of everything going on around
him and everything not going on around him. Srila Prabhu-
pada’s loving attention influenced all the devotees to do their
best.
Srila Prabhupada made sure that everyone in his entourage
received all necessities and had nice prasadam. He told the
leaders to be sure that everyone under their care received the
same. I never heard Srila Prabhupada tell anyone they were eat-
ing too much. However, it was common for His Divine Grace
to tell his disciples they were getting up too late, if they were
not rising in time to receive the spiritual benefits of Brahma
Muhurta.

Srila Prabhupada, you always set the perfect

example by showing us how to act in all circumstances.
When you were ill, you continued your service without
complaining, but when I complained of illness you
compassionately catered to my desires. I owe you my
life and more. You accepted whatever Krishna provided,
but for your disciples you strived to provide them with
the comforts to which they were accustomed. You
were pleased to see your disciples happily engaged in
devotional service and free from anxiety. Please bless me
with the desire to treat my godbrothers and godsisters
with the same love and care you bestow upon them.
284 What is the Difficulty?

2 154 2
“Just Chant Hare Krishna.”
April 6, 1975 ISKCON Mayapur, India

Many joyful adventures took place daily while travelling

with Srila Prabhupada. So much nectar flowed from the regu-
lated activities of personally serving our glorious Gurudeva.
Who could imagine anything more wonderful than cooking,
massaging and tending to the needs of His Divine Grace, ex-
cept for being present when His Divine Grace exhibited ecstat-
ic symptoms? It was the rarest of treasures. These exceptional
events invariably took place while Srila Prabhupada sat on his
Vyasasana in the temple room during his lecture. The most
widely known, took place during the Mayapur festival.
Hundreds of devotees were assembled in the temple room
while Srila Prabhupada spoke. Suddenly, he stopped and be-
came silent with his eyes closed. Everyone in the room became
still, not wanting to disturb him. A pin drop could be heard.
We didn’t dare breathe too loudly. This went on for some time.
Hundreds of devotees were transfixed on His Divine Grace’s
ecstasy, each being transported by his rapture. Our minds were
overwhelmed with blissful anticipation. Srila Prabhupada car-
ried us all to another realm.
Suddenly, one sannyasi seated near the Vyasasana began
loudly chanting, “Nama Om Visnu-padaya...” I felt jolted from
a heavenly realm. Gradually, the reluctant devotees began to
join in the kirtan. Soon, Srila Prabhupada regained his exter-
nal consciousness and joined his disciples in the kirtan.
After the kirtan, there was disagreement amongst the devo-
tees. Some criticized the sannyasi saying, “How could you do
that? Srila Prabhupada was in ecstasy. You could see no one
else was chanting. You should have stopped.”
“Oh, I thought I would chant,” he replied. “It seemed like
Four Continents in Five Months 285

the right thing to do.” Brahmananda Maharaja was Srila Pra-

bhupada’s secretary at the time. He was trying to mediate in
this matter, but no one could arrive at a conclusion. So, he
agreed to take the issue to Srila Prabhupada. We went into Srila
Prabhupada’s room in the afternoon.
“Srila Prabhupada,” Brahmananda Maharaja said. “Do you
remember at the lecture when you stopped speaking and went
into ecstasy?”
Before he could continue, Srila Prabhupada responded in
the sweetest voice, sounding a little embarrassed.
“I do not do that very often,” Srila Prabhupada said.
“No, Prabhupada,” Brahmananda said, understanding Sri-
la Prabhupada’s humility. “But, when it does happen, what
should we do? Should we just sit there, Srila Prabhupada? Or
should we chant japa?”
“Yes, just chant,” he said. “Chant Hare Krishna. Why are
you making it such a big thing? What is to be done? Just chant
Hare Krishna. That is all right.”
As always, there is no way to properly describe how Sri-
la Prabhupada spoke. When he said, “I do not do that very
often,” it was the most innocent voice I had ever heard. The
gentle grace and humility he displayed was amazing. He was
apologizing for exhibiting the symptoms of a pure devotee. It
appeared that Srila Prabhupada felt awkward exposing us to
his ecstasy.
One of the most wonderful things about His Divine Grace
was the way he always made us feel that if we just followed
the process of Krishna Consciousness, then we could advance
to the perfectional stage without difficulty. It seemed that he
didn’t want to discourage us by showing how special he was,
thus allowing us to consider Krishna Consciousness too dif-
ficult for neophytes. He gave us hope. He made us feel that
Krishna Consciousness was for all of us. He always spoke of
himself in the plural, “We are Krishna’s servant.” Srila Prab-
286 What is the Difficulty?

hupada included us. Just as he transported us on that special

day in Mayapur, he continues to take us “Back to Home, Back
to Godhead.”
Srila Prabhupada, thank you for a peek into your private ec-
stasy. I would have relished the opportunity to sit at your feet
in that temple room for hours. I can only imagine where you
were. I take great pride in knowing that you are the topmost
personality within these three worlds. Still, you spoke humbly
about revealing a glimpse of your ecstasy. I beg for the chance
to hear your sweet voice again and again.

2 155 2
“You may come back.”
April 11, 1975 ISKCON Hyderabad, India

I can remember only a few times when it was difficult be-

ing in the same room with Srila Prabhupada. Obviously, one
could easily imagine yearning to be in His Divine Grace’s pres-
ence 24-hours a day. However, the presence of others some-
times changed the atmosphere in Srila Prabhupada’s room.
One day, Devananda Maharaja came to visit Srila Prabhu-
pada. He had been initiated by Srila Prabhupada and was now
a sannyasi. He had also been his personal servant for a short
while in 1970. He asked to see Srila Prabhupada and was al-
lowed darsana even though he was no longer a member of ISK-
CON. Srila Prabhupada was seated behind his desk and upon
entering Srila Prabhupada’s room, Devananda did not offer
his obeisances. Brahmananda Maharaja and I were also in the
room. Devananda wore bright orange satin robes and his long
hair and beard was matted. He had a very strange smile on his
face. He began to speak to Srila Prabhupada in such a pecu-
liar way that I couldn’t understand anything he was saying.
Four Continents in Five Months 287

He moved his hands about as if he were doing some type of

mudra. It was too bizarre to watch. He appeared to have had
too much intoxication.
Srila Prabhupada tolerated his nonsense for a few minutes.
There was no conversational exchange as Devananda was in-
coherent. Finally, his all merciful spiritual master, Srila Prab-
hupada, said, “If you want to come back, you do like him.” He
pointed to Brahmananda Maharaja and continued. “You shave
your head and face, put on a dhoti and then it’s all right. You
may come back.”
Devananda continued flailing his arms.
“No. This is not why I am here,” Devananda said.
He continued to move his body about while speaking non-
sense. Srila Prabhupada had enough.
“Get out,” Srila Prabhupada shouted.
Devananda started to shake with anger. Brahmananda Ma-
haraja grabbed him and forcefully escorted him out of the
room. Srila Prabhupada was furious. Even though his anger
was not directed toward me, I felt like I had been struck by
lightning. Just being in the vicinity of Srila Prabhupada’s anger
was frightening. If I could have disappeared, it was the time to
do so. It is difficult to describe the spiritual potency generated
by Srila Prabhupada’s rage. His total commitment to his disci-
ples was obvious by this encounter.
This was one of the most difficult experiences I faced while
being with Srila Prabhupada. It was amazing how he tolerated
Devananda’s bizarre behaviour. He offered to accept him back
as his disciple even though Devananda had strayed far from
the Krishna Conscious path and had obviously crossed the
threshold of sanity into madness. When His Divine Grace saw
he had no interest in accepting instruction, he mercifully sent
him away before he could commit any more offenses.

Srila Prabhupada, I beg you to protect me from

288 What is the Difficulty?

myself. I don’t want to ever do anything that would

cause you to become so angry. The greatest danger is to
lose the shelter of your lotus feet. My senior godbrother
was steeped in illusion, wallowing in the mode of
ignorance and drowning in the quagmire of false ego.
By your potency you had elevated him to a high post
and by your grace he had achieved a grand standard
of service as a sannyasi. Even while you were with us,
some of your disciples became under illusion, thinking
they needed to go elsewhere to find perfection. The
result of his deviation was apparently disastrous.
Perfection for me is to sit in my servant’s quarters
and wait for you to ring the bell. I pray to answer your
call by running to your room, offering my obeisances
and seeing your lotus feet as they peek out from under
your desk.

*(Devananda later died of self-induced starvation in a

cave in South India).

2 156 2
“So, your mother is very beautiful?”
April 16, 1975 Krishna Balarama Mandir, Vrndavana,
India

It was, if it’s possible to say, a typical day in Vrndavana

Dhama. I was alone with Srila Prabhupada’s in his new quar-
ters giving him his midday massage. He was sitting cross-leg-
ged on his mat and I was sitting to his right massaging his legs
with mustard oil. However, something was different and I felt
uncomfortable. I even started feeling embarrassed because it
Four Continents in Five Months 289

seemed that he was staring at my feet as I was rubbing his legs.

This went on for what seemed like a very long time. I didn’t
dare ask him what he was looking at. What could I say?
Suddenly I was feeling very self-conscious in the presence of
my spiritual master. This was unusual. Srila Prabhupada was
expert at helping one feel at ease around him, what to speak of
me, who had been with him for so long. How could one per-
form personal service if they were feeling any other way.
I have often mentioned how he rarely spoke to me when
I was massaging him, except for when I was behind him. It
seemed to be a tradition we had developed. He would ask me
interesting questions, or tell me wonderful stories as I mas-
saged his back. I am sure part of the reason was that I massaged
his back for about one hour each day, and another hour mas-
saging the rest of his body.
I continued to rub his legs but now I trying to hide my feet
under my gamcha, because he was still staring at them. Finally
it happened, still gazing at them he nonchalantly said, “So,
your mother is very beautiful?”
Wow! What a question to ask your 23 year old disciple,
struggling to see every woman as his mother. ‘Beautiful’ was
not a word we would think of using talking to Srila Prabhu-
pada about women. Srila Prabhupada was full of surprises. I
gathered myself and tried to appreciate my wonderful spiritual
father. He allowed me to enter into such intimate moments
with him, on so many levels. I wasn’t sure what his purpose
was but I learned that the best thing was to be completely open
to whatever he wanted. After all, he knew me completely. I
didn’t even understand I wasn’t my body; consequently, I
wasn’t those feet either.
“Well, she is around 50 years old now.” I responded. “But,
yes, she is a very beautiful woman.” I had done it. I put my foot
out, the one he was looking at and called a woman beautiful.
My mother! He smiled and looking at me said, “Yes, I can tell,
290 What is the Difficulty?

“I was noticing your feet. Your feet are very nice. They say that
means your mother is beautiful. I was checking. I wanted to
see if it actually worked.”
He then closed his eyes, satisfied with the conclusion and I
continued to rub his soft, golden body. I didn’t feel self-con-
scious any more. I felt still closer to Srila Prabhupada. Is there
anyone more endearing? I have never met anyone that was. I
can’t imagine how beautiful Srila Prabhupada’s mother must
have been.

Srila Prabhupada your lotus feet are sought after by

great souls all over the three worlds. Followers want
to take shelter of those feet, birth after birth. I beg that
you give me darshan of your feet eternally. Please let
me massage them again and again.
Srila Prabhupada was always very personal with his
disciples. He cared for us, looked out for us and was
interested in us.

2 157 2
“Just see, 45 minutes… finished”
April 17, 1975 Krishna Balarama Mandir, Vrndavana,
India

Particularly in Vrndavana, Srila Prabhupada often boasted

to guests about how his servant could cook lunch so quickly.
“Srutakirti,” he said. “He can cook my entire lunch-- rice,
dahl, chapattis, and three or four subjis in just 45 minutes.”
Looking at me he then said, “Is it not?”
“Yes, Srila Prabhupada,” I said nodding. “And I give you
massage while the cooking is going on.”
Four Continents in Five Months 291

Now, widening his eyes he said, “Just see, 45 minutes and

all bodily maintenance business . . . finished. This is Krishna
Consciousness. We minimize bodily maintenance as much as
possible, so we have more time for devotional service.”
Srila Prabhupada’s humility was so endearing. He was al-
ways engaged in serving Krishna and required so little to be
done for him. During the morning massage he would often
have his secretary read mail to him and it was also when his
Sanskrit editor would come in and ask questions. He utilized
every minute in Krishna’s service. He slept an average of 3 to 4
hours a day. While I was with him sometimes he would look at
me when he was about to take rest and say, “Now I am going
to waste my time.” I would offer my obeisances and leave the
room shaking my head knowing he was the dear most servant
of his Spiritual Master.

2 158 2
“This is first class servant”
April 18, 1975 Krishna Balarama Mandir, Vrndavana,
India

Another example demonstrating Srila Prabhupada’s ef-

ficiency with minimal effort took place in the privacy of his
quarters. Srila Prabhupada instructed me without saying a sin-
gle word. While sitting in his room, he looked up at the ceil-
ing fans. If they were on, it meant I should turn them off. If
they were off, it meant I was to turn them on. Other times, he
looked at the French doors. If the curtains were open, I closed
them. If they were closed, I opened them.
“This is the first-class servant,” Srila Prabhupada said. “He
does his service without being asked. The second-class serv-
ant, you ask him and he does it. The third-class servant, you
292 What is the Difficulty?

ask him and he does it begrudgingly or doesn’t do it at all.”

I pray to hear the shuffling of his feet, see his glances, hear
his words and get the opportunity to serve him life after life.
Srila Prabhupada is Acarya.
Jai Srila Prabhupada!

2 159 2
“OK, then you can take mine.”
April 19, 1975 Krishna Balarama Mandir, Vrndavana,
India

Srila Prabhupada was always very kind to his disciples.

Sometimes when he received new clothes, he fulfilled our de-
sires by distributing articles of prasadam clothing he had worn.
Srila Prabhupada did not accumulate many belongings because
he was always giving things to his disciples. One item that was
particularly covetable was Srila Prabhupada’s well-worn gray,
woolen chaddar. I meditated on this chaddar and imagined
Srila Prabhupada had worn it during his transatlantic voyage
on the Jaladuta. I imagined he had worn it for years and years.
This chaddar’s magical value increased each time Srila Prab-
hupada wore it. For years, I saw His Divine Grace wear it to
warmly wrap his transcendental form on morning walks. This
chaddar had water spots sprinkled in a few places. It was the
chaddar Srila Prabhupada showed me how to fold during my
first morning walk as his personal servant in Dallas.
Two years later in Mayapur, a group of sannyasis put their
money together and bought a beautiful cashmere chaddar for
Srila Prabhupada. It cost several thousand rupees. It was brown
and decorated with a very fancy border. It had been made in
an area known for its fine cashmere. I think it was called pash-
mina wool, well known for its soft, thin, yet warm quality. It
Four Continents in Five Months 293

was said that a full-sized chaddar made of this cashmere could

be pulled through a small ring to demonstrate its lightweight
texture. The wool came from the chin of goats that lived on the
steepest peaks of the Himalayan Mountains.
With great pride, the group of sannyasis presented the new
chaddar to Srila Prabhupada in his sitting room. One sannyasi
had already decided that when Srila Prabhupada accepted it
and gave away his old chaddar, he would be the fortunate one
to keep it.
Srila Prabhupada smiled as he received the gift.
“When I was young, I was given one of these every year,”
Srila Prabhupada said. “One gentleman, one of my father’s
friends, would go back and forth to Kashmir. He would deal in
these chaddars. Every year I was getting one.”
Srila Prabhupada accepted the chaddar, but never offered his
old one to any of the sannyasis present. His disciples left the
room with a little more understanding of their spiritual mas-
ter’s position. Srila Prabhupada didn’t wear the new chaddar
very often. He continued wearing the well-worn gray chaddar
on his morning walks.
One week later Srila Prabhupada was at the Krishna Balara-
ma Mandir. My desire for Srila Prabhupada’s gray chaddar in-
creased because everyone else wanted it as well. I was a house-
holder with a few hundred rupees in my pocket, so I decided
to buy Srila Prabhupada a gray chaddar just like the one he
had. I felt confident that if I gave him an exact replica of his old
chaddar, he would immediately give me his blessed old one.
Since I never left my servant’s quarters, I arranged for a devotee
to go to Delhi to purchase one. He soon returned with a new,
gray, Lohi-brand chaddar. It cost me Rs.150 which was about
$7.00 at that time.
The next afternoon, aware of my selfish motives, I sheepish-
ly walked into Srila Prabhupada’s room with this conditional
gift neatly tucked into my hand. I offered my obeisances. My
294 What is the Difficulty?

Guru Maharaja was sitting quietly behind his desk, looking as

effulgent as ever.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “I just bought this chaddar for
myself, but I decided that you should have it because it is new.
Your chaddar is so old.”
Srila Prabhupada, as always, knew my childish mind. He
looked right through me and said, “You need a chaddar?”
“Well, yes. I need one,” I replied.
“So, you keep it,” he said. “That’s all right.”
Srila Prabhupada was making it difficult for me. He did not
allow me an ounce of deception.
“But Srila Prabhupada,” I said, squirming. “I’d really be hap-
py if you would take this new chaddar. I would rather you have
it. You are my spiritual master.”
Srila Prabhupada enjoyed my predicament.
“No, that’s all right,” he said. “Mine is sufficient. I don’t re-
quire a new one.”
I understood he wasn’t allowing me a thread of duplicity.
Srila Prabhupada, knowing my heart, toyed with me. I surren-
dered and finally came clean.
“Actually, Srila Prabhupada, I would much rather have your
chaddar than this new one. Yours is prasadam. I want yours,”
I admitted.
Srila Prabhupada smiled with great pleasure.
“Okay, then you can take mine,” he said. “I will take the
new one.”
I placed the new chaddar on his desk and offered my obei-
sances. The truth really does set one free. Feeling quite blissful
and very relieved, I took Srila Prabhupada’s old chaddar and
triumphantly floated back to my room.

Srila Prabhupada, I still have your chaddar. Once

you instructed, “When the spiritual master leaves the
Four Continents in Five Months 295

planet all of his paraphernalia is worshipable. Until

that time, everything can be used by the disciple, except
for his shoes.”
Your chaddar is being used on your murti. Your life
size-form is seated in my family’s temple room. In the
winter you wear it as you did for so many years travelling
around the globe. When I see it on you, I remember all
of the generosity you bestowed upon me. You gave me
your mercy in exchange for the insignificant service
I performed. Whenever I wore your chaddar, I knew
Maya could not touch me. Your mercy shields me. Now
I know I must wear your instructions as my protective
cover by chanting 16 rounds and following the four
regulative principles. I want to be with you always and
pray I may eternally serve your instructions.

2 160 2
“My job is to instruct.”
April 22, 1975 Krishna Balarama Mandir, Vrndavana,
India

During this two-week visit at Krishna Balarama Mandir,

everyone was busy preparing for the opening of the temple.
Srila Prabhupada took daily walks through the temple com-
pound and advised Surabhi Maharaja, the architect and en-
gineer, on necessary corrections. Srila Prabhupada’s quarters
were also being finished, although they were quite liveable.
As the glorious day approached, Surabhi Maharaja was getting
very little sleep. He was constantly running around supervising
hundreds of carpenters and masons working on the premises.
296 What is the Difficulty?

One day Srila Prabhupada called for me. I entered his room
and offered my obeisances. He was upset.
“They have used a plastic toilet seat in the bathroom and
already it has broken,” he said. ”Call Surabhi.”
I walked around the property and told Surabhi about the sit-
uation. Together we hurried back to Srila Prabhupada’s quar-
ters. We entered and offered our obeisances.
“The toilet seat is already broken,” Srila Prabhupada told
Surabhi. “I need a new one. Otherwise, how can I sit down? I
am an old man. I have to sit down.”
“Yes, Srila Prabhupada,” Surabhi said. “I will arrange it.”
Two days passed, but there was no change in Srila Prab-
hupada’s bathroom. Srila Prabhupada called for me and said,
“Where is my toilet seat. Call Surabhi.”
Again, I found Surabhi and went with him to see Srila Pra-
bhupada.
“Where is my toilet seat?” Srila Prabhupada inquired sharp-
ly.
“Srila Prabhupada,” Surabhi said. “They are looking for one
in town today. They could not find one in Vrndavana, so today
they are going to Mathura.”
“No! I do not want one of these plastic seats,” Srila Prabhu-
pada said. “They are cheap and will break again. Have one of
the carpenters carve one from wood. I want it today.”
Surabhi called one of the workers.
“Guru Maharaja wants a toilet seat carved from wood,” he
explained. “You make him a very nice seat.”
The Brijbasi carpenter was excited for the opportunity to
perform personal service for Krishna’s pure devotee. Naturally,
things did not go as planned. Surabhi was extremely busy and
didn’t take the time to supervise the carving of this important
seat. The mistris were expert, but incredibly slow, as every-
thing was done by hand with the simplest of tools. That after-
Four Continents in Five Months 297

noon Srila Prabhupada called for me.

“Where is my toilet seat?” he asked.
“I will find out Srila Prabhupada,” I said.
I left his room in a hurry not wanting to be on the receiving
end of Srila Prabhupada’s annoyance. Within minutes we were
prostrating ourselves in His Divine Grace’s room.
“I’m sorry, Srila Prabhupada,” Surabhi said. “I can’t keep up
with all of the people. I told him to have it ready. I thought you
would have it installed by now.”
“I want this seat now,” Srila Prabhupada said. “It has to be
here. It must be finished.”
We both offered our obeisances and hastily left the room.
Overwhelmed with stress, my wounded false ego silently made
excuses for not having fulfilled the transcendental expectation
of His Divine Grace. Surabhi and I rushed to the mistri.
“You must get this seat finished or you are fired,” Surabhi
shouted. “You must finish it immediately.”
I was amazed when I saw the simple tool being used to carve
this seat from a piece of wood.
“Does Guru Maharaja want designs carved into the seat?”
the man calmly asked. “Just get the seat finished,” Surabhi said
rolling his eyes. ”Now!”
Finally, the mistri brought the seat into Srila Prabhupada’s
quarters and offered his obeisances. He went into the bath-
room and installed the hand-carved teakwood seat. The mis-
tri was thrilled to have the chance to enter Srila Prabhupada’s
sanctified rooms. He understood he was fortunate to be doing
important personal service for the Guru. Whatever important
service we appeared to be doing, Srila Prabhupada always re-
minded us that our real business was to serve our Guru Ma-
haraja. We may be empowered to do some important project,
but our real position is the servant. By remaining humble, we
are guaranteed the continuation of eternal devotional service
298 What is the Difficulty?

to our beloved spiritual master.

After everyone left, Srila Prabhupada said, “Rub some mus-
tard seed oil into the seat until it stops absorbing.”
I happily complied with his instructions, relieved that the
incident was coming to a close. After oiling the seat, I informed
Srila Prabhupada that his bathroom was ready for use. Later,
Srila Prabhupada entered the bathroom.
“It is all right,” he said nodding, as he came out of his bath-
room.
Srila Prabhupada applied a strict standard of Krishna con-
sciousness in Vraja Dhama. He expected his resident disciples
to live exemplary lives. This was apparent in every aspect of
life at Krishna Balarama Mandir. Being inferior, we struggled
to comprehend the importance of his superior vision. There-
fore, His Divine Grace never recommended ordinary or mun-
dane residence in Vrndavana. If devotees could not live up to
the highest standards of Krishna consciousness, then they had
no business living in Vraja Dhama. Since life was like a razor’s
edge in this holiest of Dhamas, Srila Prabhupada vigilantly su-
pervised our devotional practice.
I was always in awe of Surabhi. Daily, Srila Prabhupada
called him into his room and chastised him about different
aspects of the construction. The pressure on Surabhi was im-
mense as the opening of the temple approached. Srila Prabhu-
pada wanted everything perfectly executed and it was Surab-
hi’s service to see that His Divine Grace’s desires were fulfilled.
One day while walking, Srila Prabhupada looked at the Deity
rooms saying, “Why aren’t the doors up yet.”
“I’m trying, Srila Prabhupada,” Surabhi said. “But, there is
so much to be done. It is difficult.”
“Never mind,” Srila Prabhupada responded. “You have to
get it done. These men, they are all cheating you. Don’t let
them cheat you. You have to be on top of things and make sure
everything gets done.”
Four Continents in Five Months 299

This continued for a week as Srila Prabhupada would ask

Surabhi, “Why aren’t the Deity doors on yet? Why aren’t the
front gates on?”
Surabhi would reply that he was working on it. Finally, by
Krishna’s mercy, everything started to come together during
the last few days before the opening of the temple. On one
morning walk with Srila Prabhupada through the temple com-
pound the devotees were admiring how magnificent the tem-
ple looked.
“Surabhi has done a very good job, Srila Prabhupada,” one
disciple said. “He has worked very hard. His work is excel-
lent.”
“Yes, everyone is saying, ‘Surabhi has done a very nice job’,
but me,” Srila Prabhupada said laughing. “I am simply criticiz-
ing, saying, ‘Why are you doing such a slow job? Why are you
working so badly?’ Everyone is complimenting him, but me.
My job is to instruct him. Therefore, all the time I am criticiz-
ing him. That is my duty. I am his spiritual master. Therefore,
I must guide.”
I am not sure, but I think I noticed Surabhi Maharaja take
his first breath in two weeks.
Srila Prabhupada, I stand in awe when I see the service my
godbrothers and godsisters have done for you over the past
thirty years. My service has been insignificant. I was not even
able to accept your chastisement without brooding. You were
always gentle with me, realizing how fragile my faith was. I
pray to develop unflinching faith in your order so I may prop-
erly serve your lotus feet regardless of how you reciprocate
with me. Please give me your causeless mercy. Allow me to
be present for your pastimes and never again stray from your
lotus feet.
300 What is the Difficulty?

2 161 2
“The difficulty is none of my disciples believe
Krishna is there.”
May 3, 1975 ISKCON Delhi, India

Being with Srila Prabhupada was always relishable. I es-

pecially enjoyed when he gave us a glimpse of his life before
coming to America. It was a wonderful expression of his love
for us. Srila Prabhupada also took great pleasure in describing
different aspects of his life with his disciples. One afternoon
he began describing his life as a sannyasi to Paramahamsa and
me.
“While I was living in Vrndavana,” he said. “Sometimes I
would go to Delhi for a few days to make arrangements with
my publisher. I would stay in one room during these periods.
During the winter, it was so cold. I would have to crack a thin
layer of ice with my lota in my bucket of bath water. Then I
would bathe with that water.”
At Bhaktivedanta Manor, a few ladies came to visit Srila Prab-
hupada on a number of occasions. They knew His Divine Grace
was a very saintly person. They were hoping that he could help
them solve their predicament. They described to Srila Prabhu-
pada how poltergeists had inhabited their flat. They had tried
many things to rid their home of the pesky spirits, but nothing
worked. They informed Srila Prabhupada that different items
were being broken, while being tossed around the rooms. One
of the women asked Srila Prabhupada if there was any particular
prayer or mantra they could chant to force the entities to leave
the premises forever. It was no surprise to his disciples when
Srila Prabhupada advised them to chant the maha-mantra. He
sweetly told us of his own experience with the “supernatural.”
He described that when he was a grihasta, he bought a large
haunted house in Kolkata for a very good price.
Four Continents in Five Months 301

“No one would buy the place,” he said smiling. “It was a
very nice, big house, but because it was haunted, everyone was
afraid. So, I bought it and lived there. Sometimes, I remem-
ber sitting down and you could see things moving about in the
house. I would sit in my chair and chant ‘Hare Krishna.’ One
time, one of my servants came up to me and said, ‘Swamiji, how
can you stay here with these ghosts?’ I told him there was noth-
ing to worry about. Just chant Hare Krishna. So, I was living
there and so many things would go on, but nothing frightened
me.”
One day in the spring of 1973, Srila Prabhupada was in his
room in New Dvaraka. He was walking around chanting japa. I
was fortunate to be sitting on the floor watching him. Suddenly,
he looked at me and in a very serious tone said, “The difficulty
is that none of my disciples believe Krishna is there. Actually,
no one has any faith that Krishna exists.”
I sat motionless as Srila Prabhupada continued to chant japa.
My faith was microscopic, at best. I was in illusion, but not
enough to disagree with his profound words. Besides, I could
not think of anything to say. Srila Prabhupada had already said
it all.
Srila Prabhupada, my faith is very weak and my ghost-like
senses powerfully haunt me. Please purge my soul of these de-
mons. Let me hear the holy name from your courageous lotus
lips. Please guide me in your service. I do not know Krishna,
but I have experienced the shelter of your stalwart lotus feet.
I have complete faith that you lovingly experience Krishna at
every moment. If I hang onto your fearless lotus feet, by your
mercy, I will come to serve the Lord. Your Krishna conscious-
ness was evident in every word you spoke, every glance you
gave and every transcendental move you took. Please bless this
misguided soul and mercifully glance upon me once again.
Without hearing you chant the Holy Names, I am lost and full
of fear.
302 What is the Difficulty?

2 162 2
Lotus Feet on Transcendental World Airways
May 6, 1975 Flying TWA (Transcendental World Air-
ways) to Perth, Australia

Wherever the pure devotee resides is Vaikuntha and he

distributes his causeless mercy to the fallen conditioned souls
whether they like it or not. While travelling by plane, Srila
Prabhupada always kept me smiling because he never changed
his habits. In the presence of materialistic persons these activi-
ties were sometimes unconventional.
Srila Prabhupada liked to look out the window during
takeoffs and landings. He especially enjoyed looking out the
window upon landing. If we took a long evening flight, Srila
Prabhupada’s secretary and I would leave our seats next to
Srila Prabhupada so he could lie down and rest. On this par-
ticular occasion, Srila Prabhupada’s transcendental body was
stretched across the seats. His head lay peacefully on a pillow
by the window. He appeared completely relaxed, something I
still don’t know how to do on a plane. His feet went under the
armrest reaching about 6 inches into the aisle. They looked
so beautiful, with or without saffron socks covering them. On
this particular evening his lotus feet were snugly covered. As
he rested for about an hour, the passengers walked up and
down the aisle brushing against his beautiful lotus feet. Some-
times they accidentally hit them and he would move slightly,
but he never pulled in his feet. He left them there benedicting
everyone fortunate enough to pass by.
Srila Prabhupada’s entourage watched from the next row
and wondered what these people had done to be given such
an opportunity. Perhaps, Srila Prabhupada forcibly benedicted
them with his causeless mercy, whether they liked it or not.
Four Continents in Five Months 303

Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for allowing me to

witness one of the countless ways the pure devotee
benedicts those who come in contact with him. Please
force your benedictions upon me again and again as
you have compassionately done so many times in the
past.

2 163 2
“You Must Accept!”
May 8, 1975 Perth, Australia

While in Perth Srila Prabhupada engaged his disciples in

many lively conversations during the morning walks. Around
this time he had been translating the Fifth Canto of Srimad
Bhagavatam regarding the structure of the Universe and the
movements of the planets. Srila Prabhupada would have mock
debates. His disciples would pose as materialistic scientists.
This would always be very exciting. I would sometimes get
involved but Paramahamsa Swami took much more pleasure
in it.
Sometimes he would call us into his room and discuss the
Vedic cosmology. One day he told us the different planetary
orbits were all independent and that the so-called law of grav-
ity was not mentioned in the Vedic literature. Once Parama-
hamsa Swami asked Srila Prabhupada, “How is it that the sun
is always shining somewhere on the earth planet if it is going
behind Sumeru Mountain? Wouldn’t it be dark on the entire
planet?” Srila Prabhupada was silent for a moment and then
replied, “We are not so interested in these details. The Srimad
Bhagavatam is just a very short summary to give some idea
of the creation of the Lord but it is not scientific. We are not
interested in science. We are interested in developing love of
304 What is the Difficulty?

God.”
It was evident to us that Srila Prabhupada didn’t want us
to become sidetracked from that goal he worked non-stop to
teach us. He continued, “If this were to be scientific it would
take volumes to explore how the creation is done. But this was
not Sukadeva Gosvami’s purpose in speaking, to explain very
scientifically the creation. He just wants us to understand,
‘Krishna has created everything. Develop love of Krishna.’ That
is all. If you can’t understand it, you accept it because it is there
in the scriptures. We don’t bother our minds trying to under-
stand how it could be like this. It seems very difficult. We are
not concerned. We just want to develop love of God. Actually,
I am not giving any more information, simply what is there. I
am not an astronomer, so I may not understand all the details.
Those details are given in another part of the Vedas. Sukadeva
Gosvami is giving some basic summary ideas of the universal
operation.”
During his visit to Perth, Srila Prabhupada would often take
his massage by the swimming pool. When it was very warm he
would take his bath in the pool. It was pure nectar watching
him walk down the pool steps and begin splashing water over
his body. However, one day in particular was not so nectarine
for me. In the company of my godbrothers I was comfortable
discussing topics of universal proportion with Srila Prabhu-
pada but I never did it while I was alone with him. I was fearful
due to my lack of understanding on the subject matter. One
morning just before noon, during his massage, I had no alter-
native. I remember the day clearly.
I was sitting behind Srila Prabhupada, massaging his back
with mustard oil. If his massage lasted for two hours it is like-
ly that one hour of it was massaging his back. So, it wasn’t
uncommon that when he spoke to me I was massaging his
back. However, it ALWAYS seemed like I was massaging his
back when he asked me a question. It started out innocently
Four Continents in Five Months 305

enough. I was rubbing his back vigorously and he inquired,

“So, we have to accept the Sastra. Sastra is our mother. If you
want to know who your father is, you have to know from your
mother. Is that right?” I immediately agreed.
Then he asked, “What do the scientists say about that?” I
was alone and Srila Prabhupada was engaging me in a mock
debate. I thought for a moment, not nearly long enough, and
responded. “Well Prabhupada, the mother is there, but you
have to accept that she is telling you the truth when she says
that this person is your father.” Much to my surprise Srila Pra-
bhupada became very upset with me. He shouted, “If you do
not accept that is the truth, then what are you doing here? If
you do not accept the Sastra then why are you here?” I had
no idea what I did wrong. I thought I was playing the devils
advocate. I quickly confirmed saying, “I accept Prabhupada!”
He emphatically said, “Yes, you must accept! If you don’t ac-
cept you have no business here. This Krishna Consciousness
is there. We must have faith. If there is no faith, then what are
you doing here?”
I continued to massage his back. My mind was reeling. I
didn’t know what to think. Did I have doubts? I didn’t think
so. I thought I was role-playing and considered my response to
be reasonable. I could only respond, “Yes, Prabhupada.” I tried
to concentrate on my service knowing how much he liked me
to use all my strength while massaging his back. I put my en-
ergy into rubbing as firmly as I could. A few minutes went by,
although it seemed much longer.
Srila Prabhupada again asked, “So, what do they say? Moth-
er is there; only the mother can tell you who is your father.
What would they say about that?”
I continued massaging wishing it was someone else doing it.
I didn’t know what to say. I was already in shock but Srila Pra-
bhupada seemed to be as transcendental as ever and put me at
ease. I had lost all composure and had another lapse of reason.
306 What is the Difficulty?

Being ‘fool number one’ I hadn’t learned anything. He wanted

a response and I gave the same reckless one trying to be sure it
sounded like it was coming from the materialist.
Again I responded, “They would say, that even the moth-
er may know, we have to be sure the mother is telling the
truth.”
It was definitely the incorrect response. He was more em-
phatic then previously. “It must be the truth” he said with con-
viction, “Why you don’t accept the truth?”
The only thing that kept me conscious was that I didn’t have
to look directly into his eyes. I was still behind him, rubbing
his back with oil. I responded in a confused, quiet tone, “I ac-
cept, Prabhupada.” He said, “Yes, you must accept. “He waited
a few moments and added, “I am not going to say anything
more. I do not want to speak about this subject.”
The rest of the massage went on quietly. I didn’t dare try to
explain that I was trying to play the role of a mundane scientist
who wants proof of everything. At least I thought I was. I re-
treated to my role as servant and didn’t speak unless I was spo-
ken to. As I massaged I began to ask myself, “Did I have such
doubts?” Whatever I thought I was doing, Srila Prabhupada
was giving me an instruction. One that I could never forget.

Srila Prabhupada, thirty years have gone by since

that day by the pool when you exposed my lack of
faith. I see much clearer now. I have no faith in this
material civilization or their science. By your mercy all
that you have told us about this modern society is more
apparent. Everyone is gliding quickly to hell as Kali
Yuga advances rapidly due to the greed of the demoniac.
Because of the sinful activities of the western civilization
suffering is increasing. You would sometimes mock the
scientist saying, “They know everything except who
they are.” You came to this hellish place to teach us that
Four Continents in Five Months 307

Krishna is God and we are His eternal servants. We

can only know this fact through the Sastra, the Srimad
Bhagavatam, and by serving you, Krishna’s pure
devotee. You are that person Bhagavata who dispels all
doubts and myths by your Vani and Vapu. By following
the principles of devotional service and serving you
one gets the unflinching faith in Krishna and His pure
devotees that you always exhibited to me.

2 164 2
“You Will Not Leave, Will You?”
May 9, 1975 Perth, Australia

During his visit to the temples in Australia Srila Prabhu-

pada often spoke about the positions of the planets within the
solar system. He described the differences in calculation be-
tween the astronomers and those mentioned in Srimad Bhaga-
vatam. One difference he focused on was the modern scientist
version that the moon is nearer to the earth than the sun. He
said, “Actually the moon was far, far away and could not be ap-
proached by a so-called moon expedition”. In the car while go-
ing for his morning walk Srila Prabhupada spoke more about
Vedic cosmology. He gave very elaborate details of the dimen-
sions of the universe. “They have not gone to the moon,” he
said. “The whole diameter is pancasata koti yojana. One yojana
equals eight miles, and one koti is ten million. So, pancasata,
fifty by ten million by eight. That’s 4,000,000,000 miles.”
Srila Prabhupada exited the car and within minutes contin-
ued the discussion as he walked in the park. Srila Prabhupada
said with full conviction, “The moon is far, far away. Their
conclusion is wrong. They are going to the wrong planet. They
are bluffing only. I am repeatedly saying that they have never
308 What is the Difficulty?

gone. Simply bluff!”

It was so enlivening for me to see Srila Prabhupada’s firm
faith and conviction in the words from Srimad Bhagavatam.
He didn’t need to hear from any other source. Years earlier he
was convinced and told us it was impossible to go to the moon
planet without proper qualification. Now, while translating for
us he was giving us the same opportunity, to understand from
the Supreme Lord and from His pure devotees what the Abso-
lute Truth was and what speculation was.
One evening after days of discussion about the moon planet
and other topics on the cosmology of the Universe I was mas-
saging Srila Prabhupada’s legs and feet while he laid in bed.
Most of the time when I massaged him in the evening, he
would lay quietly while I rubbed his feet and kneaded his legs
gently. In the small room I felt very peaceful as I performed my
service. Suddenly Srila Prabhupada looked at me and asked,
“So, you have heard me speak so many things. Do you be-
lieve what I say, that these scientists, they have not gone to
the moon? Do you accept it…do you understand? You will not
leave, will you?”
I was surprised but comforted by his question. He was con-
cerned for my spiritual well being and didn’t want doubts to
drive me away from his lotus feet. I said with a smile, “Yes,
Prabhupada. It’s all right.” With compassion he said, “Yes! I
want that you understand. I once had a servant, Purushottama.
When I said that ‘we didn’t go to the moon’ he became very
outraged and left. So, you are all right? You can accept it?”
I felt completely sheltered by His Divine Grace. His genuine
concern for me increased my love for him and also increased
my faith in every word he said. I looked at him as I rubbed
his exquisite, golden, lotus feet and assured him saying, “Yes,
Prabhupada. It’s all right. I believe you and I believe we didn’t
go to the moon.” He continued to look at me with a smile and
relief in his voice said, “That’s good, because I don’t want you
Four Continents in Five Months 309

to leave like our Purushottama”

Srila Prabhupada, until today I could never

understand why you were so concerned when you asked
me about accepting the Sastra as my authority only
a day earlier. I finally comprehend your compassion
a little more. You were protecting me as you always
have, doing everything possible to keep me from leaving
you. You have continually done it to this day. The most
amazing thing happened as I had this realization. As
I sat in the flat in Rishikesh writing this and realizing
your potency and purity, the entire building started to
shudder. I stopped writing for a moment as the shaking
continued for over a minute. Items in the room gently
moved to and fro as I contemplated my new insights
Today is October 8, 2005 and it turned out the
shaking here was due to an earthquake in Pakistan. All
over the world calamities are increasing, just as you
said they would 30 years earlier. I believe all that you
say and need your protection. I accept all that you say.
It has taken an earthquake to help me understand your
instructions. Thank you Srila Prabhupada!

2 165 2
“Is a Devotee Simple or Crooked?”
May 10, 1975 Perth, Australia

A Morning Walk
Going on a morning walk with Srila Prabhupada was never
dull. Sometimes His Divine Grace wouldn’t say a word, chant-
ing japa throughout the walk. This disappointed some disci-
310 What is the Difficulty?

ples who did not often get such an opportunity. They some-
times asked a question, hoping that Srila Prabhupada would
engage in a debate or conversation, but this was risky business.
Srila Prabhupada was never subject to our whims. Sometimes
he gave a short response to such questions and continued to
walk in silence.
One day, however, Srila Prabhupada was in a talkative, hu-
morous mood.
“Is a devotee simple or crooked?” he asked smiling.
“He is simple, Srila Prabhupada,” one disciple answered.
“Are you sure? Is he simple or crooked?” He again asked
with a rascal-like gleam in his eye.
“Yes, a devotee is simple!” the disciple enthusiastically re-
sponded, not realizing he had fallen for a trick question.
Srila Prabhupada then sprang the unexpected punch line.
“Actually, the devotee is crooked!” Everyone stood there
with their mouths gaping.
“Take me for example,” Srila Prabhupada explained. “I
came to your country and everyone was eating meat, taking
intoxication, and doing so much nonsense. I tricked everyone.
I’ve tricked all of you into becoming Krishna Conscious. So,
in that sense the devotee must be crooked, because he must be
able to trick. Just like I have tricked everyone. No one wanted
Krishna Consciousness, but I have tricked you.”
Srila Prabhupada was the acarya. He taught us by example.
And, again, on the morning walk, he demonstrated the art of
tricking us.

Srila Prabhupada, human society without Krishna

consciousness is a society of cheaters and the cheated.
Most everyone is doing both. You explained on the
walk that your trick was telling us we could just ‘Chant
Hare Krishna’. The tricky part that you didn’t tell us
Four Continents in Five Months 311

was we had to surrender our lives to you. There is

nothing sweeter for us then to give our lives to you in
service. One who live their life completely dependent
on the mercy of the Lord is considered most fortunate.
I am completely dependent on your mercy. Thank you
for tricking me.

2 166 2
“The devotee is proud to be the servant of Krishna.”
May 12, 1975 Perth, Australia

A receptive devotee could learn so many things just by sit-

ting quietly and watching Srila Prabhupada. Once, Srila Prab-
hupada sat up very straight in his garden in New Dvaraka and
said, “The devotee is proud to be the servant of Krishna.” This
was a very important lesson for me because balancing humility
with the pride of being Krishna’s servant was a bit confusing.
I was somewhat timid in the execution of my service when
it involved requesting help or some service from people out-
side the devotee community. I mistook devotional humility
for mundane bodily apprehension. Instead of being proud of
being Krishna’s servant and Srila Prabhupada’s servant, I was
apologetic. I denied pride, not realizing that I was misdirected.
Deluded, I thought I needed to exude humility.
Srila Prabhupada adorably personified pride in being Krish-
na’s servant. Sometimes, when he returned to his sitting room
after a morning program, he turned to me and said smiling,
“Did your record the lecture today?”
“Yes, Srila Prabhupada,” I said.
“Play it back,” he instructed. “I want to hear it.”
On other occasions he would be sitting behind his desk in
his room and when his disciples entered the room he would
312 What is the Difficulty?

smile and ask, “So, the lecture was all right today?” Of course,
his disciples always responded enthusiastically, cherishing
every word that flowed from the lotus lips of their spiritual
master. The devotees recognized special messages within some
of his lectures, and even the dullest of living entities could
understand the one point Srila Prabhupada continuously and
clearly drove home.
It appeared that Srila Prabhupada took special pride in cer-
tain lectures. He seemed to immensely enjoy smashing the
Mayavadi philosophy. He proudly presented Krishna to every-
one, defeating their bogus arguments. He was very proud that
Krishna was his Lord and Master.
Srila Prabhupada also expressed pride in his disciples. One
beautiful afternoon in July of 1973, Srila Prabhupada sat on
the lawn at Bhaktivedanta Manor with some of his disciples
and Indian guests. I was reading “Lord Caitanya in Five Fea-
tures,” an early and partial printing of “Sri Caitanya-Caritamr-
ta.” I was doing my best to pronounce the Bengali by using the
transliteration. Much to my surprise, after reading for about
ten minutes, Srila Prabhupada said, “Just see how nicely he
pronounces the Bengali. Although he has never read Bengali
in his whole life, with this method, he can pronounce it very
nicely.”
Many times Srila Prabhupada praised his western disciples
before the Indian community. He accomplished many things
by doing this. He encouraged his disciples to further their
progress in Krishna consciousness. He encouraged the Indian
community to take more seriously that which was their birth-
right. He showed everyone that by the mercy of Guru and Gau-
ranga and the potency of the Holy Name even mleccha and
yavanas could advance in spiritual life. Srila Prabhupada al-
ways credited his Guru Maharaja and the potency of chanting
the Lord’s holy name for all that he accomplished. Once in his
quarters in New Dvaraka, Srila Prabhupada said to me, “You
Four Continents in Five Months 313

western boys and girls have taken so much intoxication. If not

for the chanting of the Maha-mantra, you would not be able to
accomplish anything.”
In May of 1975 in Perth, Australia, Srila Prabhupada was
having a conversation with a professor. Srila Prabhupada spoke
very strongly about different classes of human beings. Parama-
hamsa Maharaja and I were sitting in the room relishing our
spiritual master expressing to the fairly receptive gentleman
how almost everyone was a fourth-class man.
“You also are a fourth-class man,” he told the professor.
“Well, what can I do?” the professor responded.
“You must become a pure devotee like them!” Srila Prabhu-
pada energetically said.
As he finished the sentence, he pointed to Paramahamsa
and me as examples of pure devotees. My godbrother and I
looked at each other and broke out in huge smiles. We knew
we weren’t pure, but we loved being used as illustrations for
our dear most spiritual master. We knew that Srila Prabhu-
pada would never say, “Become a pure devotee like me.” That
was one of the beautiful qualities of my spiritual master, the
pure devotee of the Lord.

Srila Prabhupada, anything I may have accomplished

in this life is due only to your causeless mercy. I am
always consumed by false pride, but my greatest pride
is to identify myself as your servant. You are my Lord
and I am very proud of being your servant. I pray to
always remain as such. Please give me the intelligence
to never forget my eternal position. Although I have no
qualifications, I have faith in your words as you pointed
to Paramahamsa and me. I know that you benedicted us
both to attain pure devotional service in this life or some
future lifetime. From your mouth to Krishna’s ears! All
glories to you, Srila Prabhupada!
314 What is the Difficulty?

2 167 2
“You Are Worse Than Karmis”
May 13, 1975 Perth, Australia

Srila Prabhupada arrived in Perth from Mumbai on May 6,

1975. Paramahamsa Swami and I accompanied him. I brought
some mangoes with me from Mumbai, some of Srila Prabhu-
pada’s favourites. When we arrived the Australian quarantine
officers confiscated them. I asked them why they allowed dried
meat but didn’t allow mangoes. The men told me that accord-
ing to their laws imported mangoes were potentially more dan-
gerous than dried meat.
Srila Prabhupada was very upset with this absurdity and
said, “They will allow importation of dry meat, three hundred
years old. That is not infectious, but fresh mango, very nice
mango, they will not allow. We started in Mumbai at night and
we arrived here this morning—and it has become poisonous!”
He looked at me and shook his head.
There was no temple in Perth. It was a nice city on the west
coast of Australia with a climate similar to Los Angeles. It was
a place that Srila Prabhupada could rest as they were prepar-
ing the temple in Melbourne. Only three devotees stayed with
us in the cottage they had rented, Amogha, Jayadharma and
Ganesa.
I always liked Australia. They had first class milk products
and it provided a good opportunity to make nice Prasadam.
Every day we were able to enjoy maha prasadam along with
sour cream and yogurt to our full satisfaction.
One day, after honouring large amounts of lunch prasadam
we were all sleeping soundly for about two hours. Srila Prab-
hupada noticed the quiet when he walked past our quarters on
the way to the bathroom and was aware we were all sleeping.
Finally I heard the ringing of the bell from his room. I went
Four Continents in Five Months 315

into Srila Prabhupada’s room and offered obeisances. I tried to

remain on the floor longer than usual because I knew my face
showed the modes of ignorance that were still affecting me. It
was unusual for me to sleep so much in the afternoon but to-
day I had really blown it. I tried not to look directly into Srila
Prabhupada’s eyes foolishly thinking he might not notice. It
didn’t help. His first words were, “I’ve been ringing this bell for
hours, trying to wake you. So what is going on? You are sleep-
ing like dead men in there. Why do you need so much sleep?
You have become worse than karmis! Karmis don’t sleep as
much as you. They don’t sleep during the day. They are all
working. You are simply sleeping.”
He continued for a few minutes letting me know the Maya
we were in. I sat there without saying a word. I never offered
excuses, as that only made it worse. I would sit and pray for it
to be over. However, he continued, “This is not a good sign.
This is too much sleeping. You have nothing else to do but
sleep?” I weakly responded, “Yes, I have things to do” Srila
Prabhupada then inquired, “Then why you are just sleeping?
Go back to sleep, if you have nothing else to do, go back to
sleep.”
There was no question of sleep now. My blood was flowing
quickly through my veins. I sat there not knowing what to do
next. Then Srila Prabhupada said, “Call in Paramahamsa! Get
everyone, bring them here.” I offered obeisances and left the
room as quickly as I could unable to look at His Divine Grace.
When I went into the room everyone was still fast asleep. I
woke everyone and told them “Prabhupada wants to see you.”
I couldn’t explain to them what had happened. I was so dev-
astated from the chastisement that took place I didn’t even tell
them why they were being called to his room. The two young
Australian devotees thought it was wonderful to get the oppor-
tunity to see Srila Prabhupada. Not even Paramahamsa Swami
knew what to expect.
316 What is the Difficulty?

We all entered the room together. Paramahamsa Swami of-

fered obeisances and sat up with a smile on his face. Before he
could ask Srila Prabhupada what he wanted Srila Prabhupada
rhetorically asked, “Why are you sleeping like that?” Parama-
hamsa Swami took a different approach than I. He began to
explain about jet lag and how the change in time zones made
it difficult and he was trying to adjust his sleep patterns. Of
course, this didn’t have any effect. Srila Prabhupada was never
affected as he travelled around the world. He would always be
completely regulated to each place he went. He would immedi-
ately adapt his eating, sleeping, and morning walks; his entire
schedule to his new environment.
Srila Prabhupada quickly responded, “I am awake. I also
flew. Why, if I can? I am an old man and you are so young.”
Then he began telling everyone just as he told me. “You are
worse than karmis. They don’t sleep during the day. They are
out working very hard.” He shook his head in disgust, “But
the devotees, the devotees are sleeping. The karmis are better
than you. They are out working hard just for some sex and to
maintain their families; but because Krishna is supplying us a
little money, then ‘Ah! That is all right! Krishna is sending, we
can spend, eat and sleep!’” Then he told all of us, “All right.
You can go. Go do whatever you like. Go and sleep like dead
men!”
We all left the room with our heads down. Of course no one
went back to sleep. It seemed like hours had gone by when
the bell rang; however it was only a few minutes later. I im-
mediately went back into Srila Prabhupada’s room and offered
obeisances. He looked at me compassionately and said, “So,
everyone can come. We will have a class. We can read from
one of our books.” I nodded happily and agreed and went to
the next room and told them of our good fortune. We all took
turns reading the ‘devotional ecstasies’ from one of Srila Pra-
bhupada’s books. It was the perfect medicine for all of us and
Four Continents in Five Months 317

our Spiritual Master was the expert transcendental physician

who knew how to cure us of our disease. His love for us was
apparent. We sat in the spiritual world at the lotus feet of Srila
Prabhupada for about half an hour.

168
“Where is My Coat?”
May 19, 1975 Melbourne, Australia

Srila Prabhupada arrived in Melbourne on the evening of

the 17th. The weather in Melbourne was much cooler then in
Perth. It was officially winter. I never considered that he would
require a coat when we were in Australia. I was wrong. On the
morning of the 18th Srila Prabhupada went for his first morn-
ing walk in Melbourne. He stepped out of the car and it was
very cold. He took a few steps and looked at me and asked the
question, already knowing the answer. “Where is my coat?”
The ‘coat’ was a full length, pink coloured wool coat that was
hand made by Jai Sri devi. It was hooded, with two peacock
tassels hanging on each side. It was well known amongst all
the devotees, being seen in many pictures while Srila Prabhu-
pada was on his morning walks.
My heart sank. I forced the words out of my mouth, know-
ing I was again a source of inconvenience and discomfort to
my Spiritual Master. “It isn’t here Srila Prabhupada. I left it in
London the last time we were there.” His response was for me,
the worse type of chastisement. He looked at me angrily and
didn’t say a word. I was devastated not knowing what to do.
His secretary, Paramahamsa seeing my anxiety immediately
came up with a solution. He told Srila Prabhupada he would
contact Hamsaduta and have it sent by express courier. The
coat arrived the next day. On that very day Srila Prabhupada
318 What is the Difficulty?

wrote Hamsaduta a letter and in it said: “Your pair of slippers

is very nice. Thank you very much. Thank you for sending my
coat to Melbourne. It is a little cool here.” Srila Prabhupada
didn’t bring the matter up again.
It wasn’t long before I was in difficulty again. Srila Prabhu-
pada always liked to take his morning massage in the sunlight.
While in Melbourne the place with the most sunshine was in
a common area that was used as a sewing room because the
sun shone directly through the window. It had multiple door-
ways. One of them was left open, while the door that belonged
there was leaning against the wall. The open doorway led to
the brahmacarini ashram. For the first few days, while giving
Srila Prabhupada a massage, you could hear the ladies talking
through the opening. I asked someone if they could do some-
thing so Srila Prabhupada had more privacy and quiet. By the
third day the door was placed into the opening. I was happy to
see it was there and noticed it was quieter.
Srila Prabhupada and I entered the room for massage. Before
I even had time to put the mat on the floor there was a deafen-
ing crash. I was in shock. The large, heavy, wooden door came
crashing down behind him and missed him from his head
down to his lotus feet by no more than quarter of an inch. I
didn’t know the door had been leant against the wall but was
not on the hinges. A few of the ladies were on the other side
of the door hoping to hear some nectar from Srila Prabhupada
during his massage. Somehow the door fell over.
I almost jumped out of my body when I heard the sound.
Srila Prabhupada sat there composed but visibly angry at the
negligence. He asked gravely, “How is this? What has hap-
pened?” I had no answer. Again, he looked at with that pen-
etrating stare that was so difficult for me to deal with. He was
silent and very grave. He didn’t say another word but remained
quiet throughout the massage. After the traumatic incident, I
nailed the door in place and Srila Prabhupada never mentioned
Four Continents in Five Months 319

it again. Even though I had no way of knowing the situation I

felt responsible. Whenever there was a disruption to Srila Pra-
bhupada’s service I considered myself at fault. It was my duty
to be aware of all his needs and to ‘do the needful’ whenever
required.

Srila Prabhupada, you have always treated me with

kindness and compassion, even when chastising me.
You never belittled me in the process. When you wrote
Hamsaduta you thanked him for sending the coat so
quickly. You didn’t mention I had forgotten to take it.
You never found it necessary to speak about a disciple’s
difficulty or fault to others, and if you did it was only for
their instruction. You desired to save all living entities,
what to speak of those who were assisting you in
spreading Lord Caitanya’s movement. You were always
a perfect example to follow. You never made anyone feel
guilty, nor did you discourage them by finding fault in
their weaknesses. You only encouraged them to progress
from whatever their position might be.

See no. 106 for another similar story.

2 169 2
“A sannyasi’s business ...”
May 23, 1975 Lautoka, Fiji

Srila Prabhupada had just spent over two weeks in Aus-

tralia and now he was headed for Fiji. The flight went from
Melbourne, with a stop in Sydney. We arrived in Fiji late in the
evening of the 22nd. By the time we got through the airport
320 What is the Difficulty?

procedures it was very late.

Srila Prabhupada was given comfortable facilities by one of
his Indian followers, who was very eager to see an ISKCON cen-
tre established there. We were settled in our quarters around
midnight. We hadn’t eaten for several hours and although it
was Ekadasi on the 23rd when we were offered prasadam that
included grains Srila Prabhupada said it was okay and that we
should take it. We all ate a full meal even though it was very
late in the evening.
We took rest around 1:30 in the morning and got up at 4:00.
The morning schedule went on as usual, with Srila Prabhupada
taking his walk around sunrise. Paramahamsa and I went with
him along with a few of the local people. We all had breakfast
around 8:00 a.m. After breakfast both Paramahamsa Swami
and I both felt tired and laid down to take some rest.
I heard Srila Prabhupada ring the bell at around 9:00 a.m.
I went into his room and offered obeisances. Immediately
he asked me, “Why are you sleeping?” I made a big mistake,
thinking we had only two hours of sleep that night, I respond-
ed, “Well, we didn’t get much sleep, Prabhupada.” He looked
at me and said, “But so much...Now is not the time to be sleep-
ing. And Paramahamsa, he is a sannyasi. Why he is sleeping
so much?”
The focus turn from me to Paramahamsa, but it didn’t make
me feel any better. I sat before him with my head down. I didn’t
think I had done anything wrong but I had clearly displeased
him. He continued, “I also saw that Paramahamsa, so late at
night he ate so much.” His voice still raised, he said, “Call him
here!”
I went and woke my dear godbrother. I didn’t know what
to say but, “Prabhupada wants to see you.” Sometimes I didn’t
mind saying that, but this time I did. I decided to go in with
him. I knew Srila Prabhupada was going to chastise him se-
verely. I could have avoided it but I thought we were together
Four Continents in Five Months 321

in this and I wanted to be with him for it. We entered the room
together and offered obeisances.
As soon as we sat up, Srila Prabhupada looked at him and
spoke, “You are a sannyasi, you shouldn’t be eating so much.
You shouldn’t be sleeping so much.” Like I had done, Parama-
hamsa tried to defend himself saying, “I didn’t eat so much and
I hardly slept last night.” Srila Prabhupada wasn’t receptive to
his reasons. “Never mind.” He said, “You are a sannyasi. You
require so much sleep? A sannyasi’s business is to minimize
this eating and sleeping.”
Srila Prabhupada spoke a little more about the duties of a
sannyasi and then told us we could go. We offered our obei-
sances together and left the room knowing we had displeased
him. We both decided to eat less in future so that we didn’t
require so much sleep. We remained there for two more days.
Srila Prabhupada was as graceful as ever. The chastisement was
over. The instruction was there and his love and protection for
us and our safety in Krishna Consciousness was always appar-
ent.

Dear Srila Prabhupada so many of my memories are

filled with joy, feeling your care and compassion to me.
However, with some remembrances I have had it was
difficult for me to realize your sweetness. But it isn’t
difficult anymore. I was so young and careless. I didn’t
understand what you were saying. I didn’t realize how
strong Maya is, and how tricky.
Every moment we get to make a conscious choice.
You always showed us how to make the right choice.
In your association sometimes, when it was obvious we
didn’t make it, you would try so hard to protect us from
our lack our lack of Krishna Consciousness and point
out how we were slipping away. Your chastisement
was never out of anger. It only came from your pure
322 What is the Difficulty?

love of Krishna and for us. Please forgive me for failing

to recognize your Divine love. I pray that I cherish it
always as I do now.

2 170 2
“I Already Have a Watch”
May 24, 1975 Lautoka, Fiji

Srila Prabhupada spent over two weeks in Australia and

then travelled to Fiji for 3 days. This was Srila Prabhupada’s
first trip there although preaching work had been going on
there since around 1970. Srila Prabhupada knew that it was
a place that would take to Krishna Consciousness very nicely
because there was a large Hindu population.
At this time there was still no temple in Fiji and Srila Prab-
hupada going there was instrumental in its being established.
While there, Srila Prabhupada took the time to visit a business
of one of the local Indian men. It was a jewellery shop. Para-
mahamsa and I accompanied Srila Prabhupada.
From the time I joined the movement in 1971 devotees were
always detached and austere. We never ate anything if it wasn’t
prepared in the temple and we never wore karmi clothes. We
went everywhere wearing our tilaka, dhoti and our heads were
shaved. Only when book distribution appeared did devotees
begin to wear shirt and pants and that was only while they
were selling books.
In 1972 most ISKCON men wore dhotis that were nothing
more then a cutting from a bolt of cloth. A genuine Indian kur-
ta was also rare. By 1975 some of the devotees in ISKCON had
developed a liking for articles of jewellery. Fancy watches in
particular became popular with a small but growing number of
western devotees. Paramahamsa and I were not immune to this
Four Continents in Five Months 323

weakness. It was the one item you could put on your wrist to
accompany the nice dhoti and fancy kurta that devotees were
now able to get from India. Seiko watches in particular were
very popular. Rolex watches were most desired but almost no
one could afford one of them.
Srila Prabhupada’s disciples would sometimes bring offer-
ings to him when they visited, occasionally a watch. If he liked
the watch he would keep it and eventually give his old one to
a disciple as prasadam. Paramahamsa and I also liked the idea
of having a nice watch. Of course we didn’t have a penny to
buy one, but we had a simple plan. If someone asked if Srila
Prabhupada needed anything, we would say he could use a
new watch. We thought there was a reasonable chance one of
us would get his old one.
Now Srila Prabhupada was in a jewellery shop, owned and
managed by this wealthy Indian man. He was a well wisher of
ISKCON and happy to have Srila Prabhupada come to bless
his business. Srila Prabhupada graciously stood in the store as
the gentleman went behind his glass counters filled with shiny
gold in various forms. Paramahamsa and I stood off to the side
and looked about.
Srila Prabhupada walked up to the counter where the man
was standing and told him he had a very nice shop. The coun-
ter that was between the two of them was filled with watches.
Rolex watches! After talking for some time Srila Prabhupada
indicated that he was ready to go. The man said, “Prabhupada,
let me give you something from my shop before you leave.
Can I please give you one of these watches?” Srila Prabhupada
smiled and said, “No thank you.” Paramahamsa and I looked
at each other as the conversation continued. Again the man
said, “Prabhupada, please take one of these watches. I want
you to have one. Srila Prabhupada again smiled and declined.
A third time he asked, “Please, Prabhupada take one of these
watches”. Srila Prabhupada smile and extended his arm say-
324 What is the Difficulty?

ing, “No thank you. I already have a watch and it works very
nicely”.
Paramahamsa and I stood their motionless. It was our one
and only opportunity and Srila Prabhupada casually refused.
Some of the watches were worth more then $10,000 at that
time. We were shocked, but not really. Srila Prabhupada al-
ways exhibited his transcendental qualities. He held Krishna
within his heart. What need did he have for anything? The
man then thanked Srila Prabhupada for coming and took us
all back to our residence. Paramahamsa and I briefly discussed
our missed chance for a watch and then got back to our serv-
ice.
Thank you Srila Prabhupada for always being a perfect ex-
ample to me. I know you were always aware of my weaknesses.
You let me see them and showed me how to give them up.
I witnessed it many times. You would make a philosophical
point in such a way that I never had to feel it was being direct-
ed towards me. This was another feature of your compassion
and mercy. You dealt with your disciples in a way that mini-
mized the possibility of committing an offense. You spoke on
philosophical terms. There was never a, ‘do this or else’!
In 1971 you sent a letter to Upendra das. He and his wife
helped establish Krishna Consciousness in Fiji and he was
there at the time. In the letter you told him, “Yes, progress of
devotional service becomes choked up when there is gross of-
fense to the Spiritual Master. So far I am concerned, you have
no offense. You are carrying my order so faithfully in a far
distant place. So you always have my blessings and Lord Cait-
anya’s blessings. Do not think otherwise. Even if you think you
have committed offenses, it is like kicking of the small child,
which is taken pleasingly by the parents. So don’t worry about
it. Krishna will give you all protection. I’m so pleased upon you
that on my order you have gone to distant places and faithfully
served the cause. I thank you for this attempt.” Upendra had
Four Continents in Five Months 325

the great fortune to again serve Srila Prabhupada personally in

Vrndavana in his final months with us in 1977.
Srila Prabhupada you have saved the whole world and all
your followers one at a time. Fiji yatra developed very slowly
until your arrival in 1975. After you put your lotus feet on
the soil things changed very rapidly. You travelled around
the world to so many towns and cities benedicting them with
the touch of your feet. Because of that Krishna Consciousness
spread around the globe.
I left your personal service in 1975. From that time when-
ever I was asked what I wanted for my birthday I would say, ‘a
Rolex watch’. I finally became free of the desire for one in the
year 2001. It took a long time. One year later my son, Atma-
rama, gave me one. “Laughing is a Vaisnava activity”.

2 171 2
“Go into the kitchen and get some chapatti dough,”
May 25, 1975 ISKCON Honolulu, Hawaii

New Navadvipa was the site of a very peculiar pastime.

When we first arrived, Srila Prabhupada used the bathroom in
his quarters, but the toilet did not flush. Yasodalal, a devotee
who had plumbing experience, came and fixed it. He explained
to Srila Prabhupada that because the plumbing had not been
used for some time, it hadn’t flushed properly.
“So, now it is working?” Srila Prabhupada asked.
“Oh, yes, Prabhupada. It is working well,” Yasodalal said.
Srila Prabhupada didn’t seem convinced. “So, how do you
know it is working?” he asked.
“I flushed it and the water went down,” Yasodalal replied.
Srila Prabhupada wasn’t satisfied. “Go into the kitchen and
326 What is the Difficulty?

get some chapati dough,” Srila Prabhupada instructed. “Make

some balls and put them in the toilet and if they go down then
we will know for sure that it is working.”
The young brahmacari complied with Srila Prabhupada’s in-
structions and we were all very happy to hear that everything
worked as it should.

Srila Prabhupada, being with you was never boring.

You showed me that one should not be taken in by the
words of another. You often said, “The proof of the
pudding is in the tasting.” I pray that some day I may
perform some useful service to you.

2 172 2
“In that Vrndavana, one takes birth ...”
June 10, 1975 ISKCON Honolulu, Hawaii

While in New Navadvipa, Srila Prabhupada made a state-

ment about taking birth in India. My godbrothers and I became
concerned, so I asked Srila Prabhupada about it on a morning
walk.
“Srila Prabhupada,” I said. “You said the other day that
Govinda dasi asked you if, in general, we would have to take
birth in India before going back home and you said, ‘Yes.’ So,
we were wondering how that’s possible that we have to take
birth in India because we haven’t seen many strict Vaisnavas
there.”
My godbrothers began to laugh, knowing my strong dislike
for India.
“The land is there, just like this land,” Srila Prabhupada
compassionately said. “Vaisnavas are there. This land is not
meant for spiritual culture, but still Vaisnavas are here. Simi-
Four Continents in Five Months 327

larly, in India, no, there are many Vaisnavas there. The masses
of people in India are all Vaisnava.”
We still required clarification.
“So, by joining this movement, we come to the platform
where we can take birth in India in a nice brahmana family?”
Paramahamsa asked.
“No, you can go directly also, if you want to finish your
business,” Srila Prabhupada replied. “Sucinam srimatam gehe.
This is a consideration, one who fails in executing. But, if
you become successful, then you go directly where Krishna
is there. Krishna is there in some universe. So those who are
completely liberated, they go to that universe. Just like when
Krishna comes here. In each and every universe there is a Vrn-
davana. So, in that Vrndavana, one takes birth, then goes to
original Vrndavana.”
Paramahamsa was still concerned about taking birth in In-
dia.
“Those who are not able to maintain the Krishna conscious-
ness principle, then they may have to go to India next life-
time?” Paramahamsa continued.
“Yes,” Srila Prabhupada mercifully replied. “Srimatam,
srimatam sucinam. So, srimatam. You can get here. Srimatam
means rich, rich family. Here you get many families, Ford fam-
ily . . . But, srimatam and sucinam. So, if you are creating so
many brahmanas, so if this cult is permanent, then there will
be many brahmana families here in the West also.”
Srila Prabhupada kindly satisfied our restless minds and the
conversation quickly changed.

Srila Prabhupada, I am lost without your guidance.

I have come to understand that I must follow in your
footsteps. I cringe with embarrassment recalling my
offensive mentality and lack of Krishna consciousness.
How dare I not recognize Vaisnavas in the land of
328 What is the Difficulty?

Vaisnavas? You gently corrected my disrespectful

attitude without chastising me. You described how it is
possible to take birth in this country if “this Krishna
Conscious cult remains permanent.” Your optimism in
our ability to become Krishna conscious in this life gives
me hope despite my fumbling over the years. I pray that
someday I will see all living entities as devotees, as you
have shown by your example.

2 173 2
“How is this? No one to do it?”
June 14, 1975 ISKCON Honolulu, Hawaii

Usually the grounds in New Navadvipa were very nice,

but one time Srila Prabhupada arrived and they had not been
maintained.
“Why this garden isn’t taken care of?” Srila Prabhupada
asked while touring the property.
“Srila Prabhupada,” the temple president said. “There is no
one to do it.”
At the time, there were approximately twenty devotees walk-
ing with Srila Prabhupada.
“How is this?” Srila Prabhupada asked looking around at his
disciples. “No one to do it?”
This scenario happened on different occasions. When Srila
Prabhupada noticed something was not getting done. He want-
ed that any devotee could perform a service, however menial it
appears. He once chastised a GBC representative while touring
the Deity kitchen because the pots were not clean. He told him
if necessary he should do them himself.
To make advancement in devotional service one must facili-
Four Continents in Five Months 329

tate the pleasure of the spiritual master. By doing so one gets

the grace of Krishna. We are dasa dasa anu dasa.
Jai Srila Prabhupada

2 174 2
“Look what the Machine has done.”
June 16, 1975 ISKCON Honolulu, Hawaii

One morning Srila Prabhupada did something that was

most unusual. He rang his bell at about 1:30 a.m. normal-
ly; Srila Prabhupada went out of his way to see that I wasn’t
disturbed while taking rest. In some places, such as Krishna
Balarama Mandir, he would have to go through the servant’s
quarters to use the bathroom. I always awoke hearing the shuf-
fling of his feet as he passed by my head. I instinctively offered
my obeisances. Sometimes he became disturbed with me and
said, “No, no take rest.”
On the morning he called me at 1:30 a.m. I was half asleep
when I entered his room and offered my obeisances. I lifted my
head to the sight of Srila Prabhupada with a beautiful, child-
like smile. I was also faced with a pile of recording tape on
his desk. He had been translating and somehow or other, the
tape machine malfunctioned. I don’t know what happened, but
there was tape everywhere. He offered no explanation. With
a transcendental smile he said, “Look what the machine has
done. Can you fix it?”
For the next half hour I hand rolled the tape back onto the
reel and loaded it into the Uher Dictaphone machine. Upon
completion of this transcendentally tedious task he replied
lovingly, “Okay, go take rest.”
I offered obeisances and left the room. I was still smiling.
I got the feeling from his mischievous smile that he helped
330 What is the Difficulty?

make the pile of recording tape bigger, trying to fix it without

waking me. I couldn’t say, ‘without waking me from my sleep’
I couldn’t say ‘without disturbing me from my sleep’ because
any opportunity to perform some service to Srila Prabhupada
was a blessing.

Srila Prabhupada, living without service to you in

this material world is painful for me. I pray to always
hear you ring the bell to call me into your room so that
I may fall at your feet and rise up to see your smiling
face.

2 175 2
“I don’t like to change my servants.”
June 20, 1975 ISKCON Honolulu, Hawaii
In February, I left with Srila Prabhupada and travelled with
him, Paramahamsa Swami and Nitai. We went with Srila Pra-
bhupada around the world and four months later we were all
back in Hawaii, where I had left my wife and infant son. So
much had happened, as it always did, but there were many
changes to take place.
Paramahamsa Swami had been with Srila Prabhupada for
over a year as his secretary. One year was a long time to be in
Srila Prabhupada’s entourage. I had travelled with him for just
over two years in total. He had a total of about 10 personal
servants in the period from 1966 to 1977.
Before we arrived Hawaii Paramahamsa was talking to me
about going on a preaching tour. When we got to Hawaii he
discussed it with Srila Prabhupada. It was a very spectacular
plan. He told him he wanted to travel to all the islands in the
South Pacific aboard a sailboat with a crew consisting of devo-
Four Continents in Five Months 331

tees. Srila Prabhupada asked him where he would get all these
devotees to man his craft. He didn’t think it was very practi-
cal but he encouraged him and there was a letter sent out to
different temples in the west asking for brahmacaris to come
aboard.
I had to deal with my own circumstances. We were back in
Hawaii, where I left with Srila Prabhupada just 4 months be-
fore by his causeless mercy. At that time, in February, he asked
me what I wanted to do as he was about to leave on another
tour. I decided to leave my wife and 4 month old son in the
care of the temple and go with him as his personal servant.
We all arrived here from Fiji on May 25 and remained here
for a month. I had the opportunity to spend some time with
my family. As he was preparing to leave the islands, I was again
facing the same dilemma. My son was now 8 months old and I
had strong family attachments. I was also attached to travelling
with Srila Prabhupada.
As the days passed my desire to stay in Hawaii grew strong-
er. I didn’t speak about it to anyone but internally I was having
a huge battle. Just days before my 24th birthday, Srila Prabhu-
pada’s travel plans were fixed and he was about to leave New
Navadvipa. On my own I decided what I would do, although
it wasn’t very well thought out. I nervously walked into Srila
Prabhupada’s room, where he sat alone behind his desk, and
offered my obeisances.
I sat up and looked at him, still afraid to reveal my mind to
him. Finally I said the only thing that seemed to make sense to
me. Of course it made no sense at all. I blurted out, “Srila Prab-
hupada, I want to change my service. I feel the need to preach.”
It was the most difficult thing I had ever done. He looked at me
lovingly and responded immediately. I will never forget these
words. “My preaching is not good enough?” He asked. It was
a question he didn’t need to ask. It was his gentle way of tell-
ing me I should do my service without making an order I was
332 What is the Difficulty?

unable to follow.
I sat there with sweaty palms, covered by my illusion; I was
unable to think clearly. I didn’t know what to say. He looked
at me with such compassion. He then softly said the words
that will echo in my head forever. “I do not like to change my
servants.” Silently, I sat before my most loving, caring Spiritual
Master. He made it clear he wanted me to stay with him, but
never told me I must. Out of kindness he gave me the choice,
so that my offence wouldn’t be so great.
Being the most expert spiritual master he cut through my
layers of illusion and brought me to the point of facing what
was really going on. Up to this point I couldn’t even admit it to
myself. In ISKCON, to be attached to your family was a weak-
ness. But he brought me to the stage of telling him. I weakly
stated, “I want to remain in Hawaii and be with my family.”
He smiled at me and with kindness in his voice said, “That’s
all right.”

Srila Prabhupada, my most merciful master, I will

always regret my decision. I was such a foolish boy.
I didn’t know you were going to leave so quickly. I
thought you would be with us until you were at least
100 years old. I was with you for over two years. At the
time it seemed like a long time to be with you. Now it
seems like only a moment in time.
I think that my only value in life was being your
personal servant. It is the only time I felt properly
situated. It was the most natural service for me. You
were my only father. My father died when I was three
and I have no memory of him. Until you mercifully
appeared in my life in 1971 I had no reason to live.
Shortly after I left your personal service I became the
temple president in Hawaii. I quickly turned one area
Four Continents in Five Months 333

of the property into a “Prabhupada Garden”. My hope

was that you would soon return and I could again have
your personal association. It didn’t happen. Soon after
you left this world I gave up that service. I have been
wandering around aimlessly not knowing what to do
without you. So many years have gone by; still I don’t
know what to do. My only solace is talking about you
to your followers. Their love for you gives me a reason
to take my next breath.
Sometimes in a lecture you would stop and look at
your watch. Looking at us youngsters you would tell
us that no matter how much money you have it isn’t
possible to buy back that moment in time. I was so
young and foolish. I never understood what you meant.
I always thought, ‘we are eternal, what difference does
it make.’ Now millions of moments are going by, and I
am without you. How many more moments must go by
until I see your lotus feet again? It is unbearable in this
world with you.
334 What is the Difficulty?
 Epilogue

2 176 2

“Don’t be set back by Maya’s tricks.

Go ahead, forward, at any cost.”
Srila Prabhupada, today I am coming to terms with the
passing of your dear servant, Upendra prabhu. It always amazes
me how little I have learned in Krishna Consciousness. I spoke
with Upendra often this last summer. He told me about his con-
dition and that he was likely to die in the next year. Although I
was aware of his illness, still I thought, “No, he won’t be leav-
ing us so soon.” I am faced with my inability to acknowledge
death, and my dear friend, Upendra is now gone.

It reminds me of when I visited you in August of ‘77. I was

the president of New Navadvipa temple in Hawaii. I left for
Vrndavana with Madhudvisa prabhu to spend some time with
you, Srila Prabhupada. When I arrived and saw your condi-
tion I was greatly disturbed. You had lost so much weight and
were so physically weak. Yet, you greeted both of us with en-
thusiasm. You were charming and effulgent as ever, always
336 What is the Difficulty?

encouraging us. You said to Madhudvisa Prabhu, “So remain

as grihasta and render your service. There is no harm. If one
could not proceed, it doesn’t matter. Failure is the pillar of
success. Then try. Again you shall try. Where is Srutakirti?
How are you?” I replied, “Very well thank you.” Srila Pra-
bhupada said, “Srutakirti is also grihasta. So jointly you can
work and improve this movement. That is our ambition. Grhe
ba banete thake, ha gauranga bole dake, narottama mage tara
sanga. ‘Either he remains at home or as a sannyasi if he is devo-
tee of Lord Gauranga, I want his association.’ That is Narot-
tama Thakura’s... Grhe ba banete thake, ha gauranga bole
dake, narottama mage tara sanga. So follow the principles, and
whichever position is suitable. Don’t be carried away by the
waves of maya. Capture Caitanya Mahaprabhu and you’ll be
saved. Is that all right? Don’t leave us. You are quite... At least
you made advance. You are one of the important devotees. So
don’t lose that position now. Manage in the position you want
to remain. Now Gaurasundara has also come. So I’m glad to
see that you are... Your bunch of hair is long. Yes. Cut it. So
give them place to stay nicely.” Tamala Krsna said, “Prasadam.”
Srila Prabhupada replied, “Take prasadam and remain here for
some time. Of course, according to my horoscope, these days
are my last days. But if Krsna saves, that is a different thing.
They have calculated eighty-two years and two days?” Tamala
Krsna said, “Eighty-one years, five months, and twenty-eight
days.” Srila Prabhupada continued, “That is according to cal-
culation of my horoscope. Eighty-one years will be completed,
and eighty-second year will begin. It doesn’t matter I leave this
body. Even in death I’ll live. One year before or one year after...
Now as far as possible, I have trained you. Try to follow the
principles. And go ahead. Don’t be set back by maya’s tricks.
Go ahead, forward, at any cost. Bhaktivinoda Thakura said...
So many obstacles are coming. Maya is strong. And still, we are
going forward. That’s all right.”
Epilogue 337

I spent the next two weeks at the Krsna Balarama Mandir.

Upendra massaged you and gave you sponge baths. He allowed
me to perform this wonderful service with him. By your mercy
and the mercy of Upendra prabhu, again I got to touch the
body of my most transcendental spiritual father. It was the
service I was most attached to and having Upendra at my side
made it sweeter still. He was such a marvellous servant. He
kindly shared the nectar service with me, knowing fully that
by sharing you with others his own ecstasy increased.
When I was getting ready to leave for New Navadvipa, Up-
endra gave me the sponge that we used to bathe you as a going
away present. It was fragrant with the scent of your body and
the powder that we used during the massage. I gave most of it
away but managed to keep a tiny square and put it in a small
picture frame. It is on your altar in our temple room.
Foolishly, I left Vrndavana much too soon. I could have
stayed with you if my desire was stronger but thinking I was
indispensable as temple president, and not realizing that I
would not get to see your lotus features again, I left. It is a de-
cision that I will regret for eternity. Suddenly, you were gone.
I didn’t think it would ever happen. You taught me so much
about the temporal nature of this material world and yet I have
heard so little. When will I learn what you have painstakingly
taught this foolish servant? There is nothing more valuable in
this world than the association of devotees of the Lord. How
long will it take me to realize that the only nectar in life is as-
sociating with Krsna’s devotees?
Srila Prabhupada, I identify with Upendra so much. He is
affectionately known for being your personal servant. He was
very sentimental. After your leaving he was mostly known for
his difficulties in following the Krsna Conscious path. My con-
dition since your departure has been similar. You have merci-
fully taken your servant, Upendra by the hand and aided his
passing to the next world. I do not claim to know where he has
338 What is the Difficulty?

gone, but I am sure that despite all of his shortcomings, you

have carefully guided that passage. You show all of us just how
compassionate and caring you are. You never acknowledge our
bad habits as you graciously show appreciation for the service
we do, no matter how tiny.
Srila Prabhupada, I am very fallen and lazy. I can not feel
your presence since your leaving this world. My attachment
to you is sentimental and I am unable to perform any worth-
while service Please take me away from this horrible place so
that I may massage you with my godbrother, Upendra prabhu.
Glance upon me lovingly and save me from myself.
You live forever in your instructions and your presence can
be seen in your disciples following those instructions, if we
have the eyes to see. Please, remember me as you do Upendra.
Grant me the joy of having my godbrothers’ and godsisters’ as-
sociation at the time of death. I pray to be chanting the holy
names of Guru and Gauranga as I leave my body following in
the footsteps of my most fortunate friend and godbrother Up-
endra prabhu.

2 177 2
(ref. No.)
Two Hours in the Daily Life of Srila Prabhupada’s
Personal Servant
At Any ISKCON Temple

The process for preparing Srila Prabhupada’s lunch was

usually the same. About a half-hour before I was to massage
Srila Prabhupada I made a chapatti dough, chopped various
types of vegetables and placed them in the middle tier of Srila
Prabhupada’s famous three-tiered cooker. I put cauliflower
Epilogue 339

and potatoes or some other vegetable combination in the bot-

tom tier with some water to become a wet vegetable. In the
top tier I put a small two-part tiffin. I put split dahl in the bot-
tom with water and rice with water in the top. More vegetables
were placed around the tiffin in the top tier of the cooker. I
then placed Srila Prabhupada’s the cooker on the stove with
the heat set at a medium-low flame. Then I left the kitchen to
massage Srila Prabhupada.
Usually, his massage lasted one to two hours. The trick in
using the cooker during the massage was not to let the water
dry out in the bottom. Srila Prabhupada showed me how to
use the cooker with dahl on the bottom. A few times the dahl
started to burn during the massage. That was a great source
of anxiety for me. I never wanted to leave Srila Prabhupada in
the middle of his massage, but sometimes we would smell the
dahl burning.
“What is that smell?” Srila Prabhupada would ask me.
He knew it was his lunch.
After rendering this service for about eight months and
burning a few lunches, I came up with the idea of cooking a
wet subji on the bottom and steaming the dahl and rice in the
top tier. That eliminated my anxiety because the wet vegetable
didn’t thicken and burn like dahl.
When completing Srila Prabhupada’s massage I always
poured a small amount of mustard oil into the palm of his
hand to oil the gates of his body. Then he walked to the bath-
room to bathe. This gave me about 20 minutes to complete the
rest of my service.
First, I neatly laid out his dhoti, kurta and kaupina (under-
wear) on his bed. I buttoned the bottom two buttons of his
kurta, so Srila Prabhupada would have only two more to close.
I then raced to his sitting room and prepared his desk for ap-
plying tilak which meant opening his mirror. It was round like
that of a powder compact, with a piece of carved ivory on the
340 What is the Difficulty?

lid. I always made sure that his small silver lota (about the size
of a golf ball) had water in it. A small silver spoon was placed
next to the lota. Finally, I placed the ball of tilak at the centre
of his desk.
After that, I ran to the servant’s quarters to finish preparing
lunch. I removed the cooker from the stove and put a wok
on the fire in order to make a large chaunce. If needed, the lid
of the cooker was used for this purpose. Some of the chaunce
was poured into the wet vegetable in the bottom tier and a
little was put into the dahl in the top tier. Then, I poured
the assorted vegetables into the remainder of the chaunce in
the wok. If bitter melon was available, I sautéed it in ghee and
turmeric. I prepared another chaunce to cook the remaining
vegetables. I placed all of the preparations on Srila Prabhupa-
da’s plates along with a katori of plain yogurt and another with
milk sweets. With Srila Prabhupada’s plate almost ready, it was
time to roll and cook a chapatti.
Hopefully, all of this was done at about the same time His
Divine Grace finished chanting Gayatri mantra. He didn’t mind
waiting a few minutes, but I got scared if he had to wait longer
than that. I put the plates down on his choki, offered my obei-
sances, and ran back to my room to cook another chapatti.
After he finished eating chapattis he opened the small tiffin
filled with rice. Srila Prabhupada usually ate three to six chap-
attis with his meal. More often than not, he ate three or four
chapattis. He enjoyed the remainder of his meal with steaming
hot rice.

It was wonderful to cook for you, Srila Prabhupada.

I pray to become an expert cook, like my godsister
Yamuna devi, so I can offer you sumptuous foodstuff
life after life.
Epilogue 341