Scribd
Upload
23 views4 pages

Sampleyr 5 Responses

Uploaded by

faridaatta077
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
23 views4 pages

Sampleyr 5 Responses

Uploaded by

faridaatta077
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
You are on page 1/ 4

SAMPLE YEAR 5 PERSUASIVE TEXT RESPONSES

Topic: Children under 12 should not be allowed to have a mobile phone.

Sample 1
(BELOW AVERAGE RESPONSE)

I agree with that topic becase kids that age do not relly
now how to look arfter a mobile phone. They are not old
enogh to relise that it is a very expesiv thing that shold be
Constant
spelling kept safe at all times. Some kids would take they’re phone
errors to school and could loose it. Someone else could find it and
keep it and make lots of calls wich meens the kids parents
would have to pay for all the calls the person how stole it Little
made. They mite take it to the beach or the pool and drop it understanding
in the warter making it never werk again. They could even of
Arguments paragraphing
drop it in the toilet like my mum did and that would mean
all run
it is recked for ever!!!!!! It takes ages to get a new on and
together
then they would just loose it agen!!!!!

Kids under 12 are allways runing around and playing so


they could esily drop it somewhere and never find it again.
A dog could even pick it up and carry it away never to be
seen again!!!! So never let kids have mobile phones or you
will be sorry!!

◊ Offers a position on the topic although simplistic


◊ Some correct use of text structure but evidence is
lacking, ideas are mainly assertions
◊ Attempts to use some persuasive devices such as
emotive language
◊ Simplistic use of vocabulary
◊ Poor understanding of paragraphing
◊ Sentences use simple connectives but lack
sophistication
◊ Demonstrates incorrect use of exclamation marks
◊ Many common words spelt incorrectly (because,
really, again)
Sample 2:
(MIDDLE RANGE RESPONSE)

I do not agree with the topic because I think that there are
many benfits for a child under 12 to have a mobile phone.
Largely Their parents would have to teach them to only use it in the
accurate right way thogh. Here is a list of the reasons why I think it
spelling would be OK.

Firstly, if the child is doing homework and they need some


help, they can call their friends to help them with the
problem they are having. Also, if the mobile phone has
internet acess, they can use it to reserch facts for school
Controlled
projects. That would mean that the infomation is correct
use of
and they would do a much better job than if they had no
paragraphing
internet acess.

Secondly, a mobile phone lets children talk to their friends


without using the home phone. So, everyone else in the
family can use the home phone whenever they want. Then
the child wont get into truble for talking too much!

Well Thirdly, the child could do sertain jobs around the home to
structured earn money to help pay the mobile phone bills. This can
arguments, teach them how to be reponsable and means they can grow
each well up to know what it is like to do hard work for a reward. It
supported by also means their parents are proud of them for helping out
detail around the house.

Finally, a mobile phone can help a child stay safe because if


they ever get separated from their parents like at a concert
or in a shoping center, they can just call their mum or dad
and tell them where they are so that they can find them
easily. This would mean that the child stays safe and that is
the most important thing, don’t you think?

Having a mobile phone when you are under 12 years old


can be really great as long as it is used in the right way.

◊ Engages audience with a clearly stated opinion


◊ Provides details that reflect personal values
◊ Structure offers clear introduction, well developed
body and effective conclusion that restates position
◊ Offers elaborated ideas although reasoning is based
on assertions
◊ Effective use of persuasive devices (e.g. firstly…
secondly etc)
◊ Emotive language used to appeal to reader’s sense of
responsibility (e.g. keeping children safe)
◊ Vocabulary supports the position, although somewhat
simplistic
◊ Cohesive text with varied use of sentence types
◊ Spelling is consistent, with minimal errors
Sample 3:
(ABOVE AVERAGE RESPONSE)

Would you put your child in danger? Of course not, that’s


why I definitely agree with the statement that children
Confidence under 12 should not be allowed to have a mobile phone.
to disagree Mobile phones are dangerous in many different ways and
with topic to allow a young child to own and use one can prove a
disaster.

One of the main reasons that children under 12 should


not have a mobile phone is because of the simple fact that Ability to
develop an
mobile phones emit a powerful radiation that can cause
argument
sever headaches or even brain tumours. Television shows
from assertion
such as ‘60 Minutes’ and ‘Today Tonight’ have shown to evidence
segments saying that studies show that too much mobile
Few serious phone use can effect the brain. Letting children under 12
errors use them could be putting them at risk of brain cancer that
could cause death. Some argue that this may not be true
however I believe it is better to be safe than sorry.

Another reason that mobile phones put children at risk is


that if they are too busy talking on a mobile phone when
they are walking around the community, they could be
distracted and not see a car or train aproaching and be
severly injured or even die. Many kids have been hit by
cars or trains when they haven’t been paying attention.

Of course another very dangerous reason is that most


mobile phones these day have access to the internet
and many children could see and read websites that are
inaproprate. As a result, this could really upset them
especially if they saw things that children should not see.
Also, it gives them a chance to sign up to chat rooms or Awareness
Facebook. This can be dangerous because there are lots of or more
people out there who pretend to be kids when they’re not sophisticated
issues
and they try to meet up with kids to hurt or even kill them.

Neat There is no way that parents should let their child under 12
summation have a mobile phone if they want to protect them from the
many dangers I have just listed above.

◊ Effectively engages the reader by using direct


address in opening paragraph
◊ Structural components are well developed
◊ Relevant evidence is used to support ideas
◊ Effective use of persuasive devices (e.g. some argue,
as a result, I believe)
◊ Includes emotive language (e.g. prove a disaster) and
a relevant proverb (It’s better to be safe than sorry)
◊ Attempts to use topic and summary sentences in well
ordered paragraphs
◊ Uses a variety of sentence types (simple, complex,
compound)
◊ High level vocabulary used (e.g. emit, severely,
inappropriate)
◊ Mostly correct punctuation use including commas
and quotation marks (e.g. ‘60 Minutes’)
◊ Common words consistently spelt correctly and
many difficult words spelt correctly (e.g. dangerous,
tumours)

You might also like