Part I Chapter 1

THE PURPOSE OF LIFE THE RIGHT TO HAPPINESS

I believe that the very purpose of our life is to

seek happiness. That is clear. Whether one
believes in religion or not, whether one believes in
this religion or that religion, we all are seeking
something better in life. So, I think, the very goal. As a psychiatrist, however, I had been
motion of our life is towards happiness ...“ burdened by notions such as Freud’s belief that
With these words, spoken before a large “one feels inclined to say that the intention that
audience in Arizona, the Dalai Lama cut to the man should be ‘happy’ is not included in the plan
heart of his message. But his claim that the of ’Creation.‘ ” This type of training had led
purpose of life was happiness raised a question in many in my profession to the grim conclusion that
my mind. Later, when we were alone, I asked, the most one could hope for was “the
“Are you happy?” transformation of hys teric misery into common
“Yes,” he said. He paused, then added, “Yes unhappiness.” From that standpoint, the claim
... definitely.” There was a quiet sincerity in his that there was a clearly defined path to happiness
voice that left no doubt— a sincerity that was seemed like quite a radical idea. As I looked
reflected in his expression and in his eyes. back over my years of psychiatric training, I
“But is happiness a reasonable goal for most could rarely recall having heard the word
of us?” I asked. “Is it really possible?” “happiness” even mentioned as a therapeutic
“Yes. I believe that happiness can be objective. Of course, there was plenty of talk
achieved through training the mind.” about relieving the patient’s symptoms of
On a basic human level, I couldn’t help but depression or anxiety, of resolving internal
respond to the idea of happiness as an achievable conflicts or relationship problems, but never with
the expressly stated goal of becoming happy. meaning, closer to’psyche’ or ‘spirit’, it includes
The concept of achieving true happiness has, intellect and feeling, heart and mind. By bringing
in the West, always seemed ill defined, elusive, about a certain inner discipline, we can undergo a
ungraspable. Even the word “happy” is derived transformation of our attitude, our entire outlook
from the Icelandic word happ, meaning luck or and approach to living.
chance. Most of us, it seems, share this view of “When we speak of this inner discipline, it can
the mysterious nature of happiness. In those of course involve many things, many methods.
moments of joy that life brings, happiness feels But generally speaking, one begins by identifying
like something that comes out of the blue. To my those factors which lead to happiness and those
Western mind, it didn’t seem the sort of thing that factors which lead to suffering. Having done this,
one could develop, and sustain, simply by one then sets about gradually eliminating those
“training the mind.” factors which lead to suffering and cultivating
When I raised that objection, the Dalai Lama those which lead to happiness. That is the way.”
was quick to explain. “When I say ‘training the
mind,’ in this context I’m not referring to ‘mind’
merely as one’s cognitive ability or intellect.
Rather, I’m using the term in the sense of the The Dalai Lama claims to have found some
Tibetan word Sem, which has a much broader
measure of personal happiness. And throughout with a look of excitement and pleasure on her
the week he spent in Arizona, I often witnessed face. The next morning at the same time, she
how this personal happiness can manifest as a appeared at the same spot with another of the
simple willingness to reach out to others, to housekeeping staff, and the two of them greeted
create a feeling of affinity and goodwill, even in him warmly as he got into the elevator. The
the briefest of encounters. interaction was brief, but the two of them
One morning after his public lecture the Dalai appeared flushed with happiness as they returned
Lama was walking along an outside patio on the to work. Every day after that, they were joined
way back to his hotel room, surrounded by his by a few more of the housekeeping staff at the
usual retinue. Noticing one of the hotel designated time and place, until by the end of the
housekeeping staff standing by the elevators, he week there were dozens of maids in their crisp
paused to ask her, “Where are you from?” For a gray-and-white uniforms forming a receiving line
moment she appeared taken aback by this that stretched along the length of the path that led
foreign-looking man in the maroon robes and to the elevators.
seemed puzzled by the deference of the
entourage. Then she smiled and answered shyly,
“Mexico.” He paused briefly to chat with her a
few moments and then walked on, leaving her
Our days are numbered. At this very moment, unhappy people who tend to be most self-
many thousands are born into the world, some focused and are often socially withdrawn,
destined to live only a few days or weeks, and brooding, and even antagonistic. Happy people,
then tragically succumb to illness or other in contrast, are generally found to be more
misfortune. Others are destined to push through sociable, flexible, and creative and are able to
to the century mark, perhaps even a bit beyond, tolerate life’s daily frustrations more easily than
and savor every taste life has to offer: triumph, unhappy people. And, most important, they are
despair, joy, hatred, and love. We never know. found to be more loving and forgiving than
But whether we live a day or a century, a central unhappy people.
question always remains: What is the purpose of Researchers have devised some interesting
our life? What makes our lives meaningful? experiments demonstrating that happy people
The purpose of our existence is to seek exhibit a certain quality of openness, a willingness
happiness. It seems like common sense, and to reach out and help others. They managed, for
Western thinkers from Aristotle to William James instance, to induce a happy mood in a test
have agreed with this idea. But isn’t a life based subject by arranging to have the person
on seeking personal happiness by nature self- unexpectedly find money in a phone booth.
centered, even self-indulgent? Not necessarily. In Posing as a stranger, one of the experimenters
fact, survey after survey has shown that it is then walked by and “accidentally” dropped a
load of papers. The investigators wanted to see lives. Suppose, for instance, we’re stuck in
whether the subject would stop to help the traffic. After twenty minutes it finally begins
stranger. In another scenario, the subjects’ spirits moving again, at around parade speed. We see
were lifted by listening to a comedy album, and someone in another car signaling that she wants
then they were approached by someone in need to pull into our lane ahead of us. If we’re in a
(also in cahoots with the experi menter) wanting good mood, we are more likely to slow down
to borrow money. The investigators discovered and wave them on ahead. If we’re feeling
that the subjects who were feeling happy were miserable, our response may be simply to speed
more likely to help someone or to lend money up and close the gap. “Well, I’ve been stuck here
than another “control group” of individuals who waiting all this time; why shouldn’t they?”
were presented with the same opportunity to help We begin, then, with the basic premise that
but whose mood had not been boosted ahead of the purpose of our life is to seek happiness. It is a
time. vision of happiness as a real objective, one that
While these kinds of experiments contradict we can take positive steps toward achieving.
the notion that the pursuit and achievement of And as we begin to identify the factors that lead
personal happiness somehow lead to selfishness to a happier life, we will learn how the search for
and self-absorption, we can all conduct our own happiness offers benefits not only for the
experiment in the laboratory of our own daily individual but for the individual’s family and for
society at large as well. Chapter 2

THE SOURCES OF HAPPINESS

Two years ago, a friend of mine had an

unexpected windfall. Eighteen months before that
time, she had quit her job as a nurse to go to
work for two friends who were starting a small
health-care company. The company enjoyed friend of the same age who found out he was
meteoric success, and within the eighteen months HIV positive. We spoke about how he was
they were bought out by a large conglomerate for dealing with his HIV status. “Of course, I was
a huge sum. Having gotten in on the ground floor devastated at first,” he said. “And it took me
of the company, my friend emerged from the almost a year just to come to terms with the fact
buyout dripping with stock options—enough to that I had the virus. But over the past year things
be able to retire at the age of thirty-two. I saw have changed. I seem to get more out of each
her not long ago and asked how she was day than I ever did before, and on a moment-to-
enjoying her retirement. “Well,” she said, “it’s moment basis, I feel happier than I ever have. I
great being able to travel and do the things that just seem to appreciate everyday things more,
I’ve always wanted to do. But,” she added, “it’s and I’m grateful that so far I haven’t developed
strange; after I got over all the excitement of any severe AIDS symptoms and I can really
making all that money, things kinda returned to enjoy the things I have. And even though I’d
normal. I mean things are different—I bought a rather not be HIV positive, I have to admit that in
new house and stuff—but overall I don’t think some ways it has transformed my life ... in
I’m much happier than I was before.” positive ways ...”
Just around the time that my friend was “In what ways?” I asked.
cashing in on her windfall profits, I had another “Well, for instance, you know that I’ve
always tended to be a confirmed materialist. But everyday life; a pay raise, a new car, or
over the past year coming to terms with my recognition from our peers may lift our mood for
mortality has opened up a whole new world. I’ve a while, but we soon return to our customary
started exploring spirituality for the first time in level of happiness. In the same way, an argument
my life, reading a lot of books on the subject and with a friend, a car in the repair shop, or a minor
talking to people ... discovering so many things injury may put us in a foul mood, but within a
that I’ve never even thought about before. It matter of days our spirits rebound.
makes me excited about just getting up in the This tendency isn’t limited to trivial, everyday
morning, about seeing what the day will bring.” events but persists even under more extreme
Both these people illustrate the essential point conditions of triumph or disaster. Researchers
that happiness is determined more by one’s surveying Illinois state lottery winners and British
state of mind than by external events. Success pool winners, for instance, found that the initial
may result in a temporary feeling of elation, or high eventually wore off and the winners returned
tragedy may send us into a period of depression, to their usual range of moment-to-moment
but sooner or later our overall level of happiness happiness. And other studies have demonstrated
tends to migrate back to a certain baseline. that even those who are struck by catastrophic
Psychologists call this process adaptation, and events such as cancer, blindness, or paralysis
we can see how this principle operates in our typically recover their normal or near-normal
level of day-to-day happiness after an happiness—and the verdict is still out on how
appropriate adjustment period. large that role is—there is general agreement
So, if we tend to return to our characteristic among psychologists that no matter what level of
baseline level of happiness no matter what our happiness we are endowed with by nature, there
external conditions are, what determines this are steps we can take to work with the “mind
baseline? And, more important, can it be factor,” to enhance our feelings of happiness.
modified, set at a higher level? Some researchers This is because our moment-to-moment
have recently argued that an individual’s happiness is largely determined by our outlook.
characteristic level of happiness or well-being is In fact, whether we are feeling happy or unhappy
genetically determined, at least to some degree. at any given moment often has very little to do
Studies such as one that found that identical twins with our absolute conditions but, rather it is a
(sharing the same genetic constitution) tend to function of how we perceive our situation, how
have very similar levels of well-being—regardless satisfied we are with what we have.
of whether they were raised together or apart—
have led these investigators to postulate a
biological set point for happiness, wired into the
brain at birth.
But even if genetic makeup plays a role in
 THE COMPARING MIND to be dissatisfied with our income if our neighbor
is making more. Professional athletes complain
bitterly about annual salaries of $1 million, $2
million, or $3 million, citing the higher salary of a
What shapes our perception and level of teammate as justification for their unhappiness.
satisfaction? Our feelings of contentment are This tendency seems to support H. L.
strongly influenced by our tendency to Mencken’s definition of a wealthy man: one
compare. When we compare our current whose income is $100 a year higher than his
situation to our past and find that we’re better wife’s sister’s husband.
off, we feel happy. This happens, for instance, So we can see how our feeling of life
when our income suddenly jumps from $20,000 satisfaction often depends on who we compare
to $30,000 a year, but it’s not the absolute ourselves to. Of course, we compare other things
amount of income that makes us happy, as we besides income. Constant comparison with those
soon find out when we get used to our new who are smarter, more beautiful, or more
income and discover that we won’t be happy successful than ourselves also tends to breed
again unless we’re making $40,000 a year. We envy, frustration, and unhappiness. But we can
also look around and compare ourselves to use this same principle in a positive way; we can
others. No matter how much we make, we tend increase our feeling of life satisfaction by
comparing ourselves to those who are less at Buffalo, subjects were asked to complete the
fortunate than us and by reflecting on all the sentence “I’m glad I’m not a ...” After five
things we have. repetitions of this exercise, the subjects
Researchers have conducted a number of experienced a distinct elevation in their feelings of
experiments demonstrating that one’s level of life life satisfaction. Another group of subjects was
satisfaction can be enhanced simply by shifting asked by the experimenters to complete the
one’s perspective and contemplating how things sentence “I wish I were a ...” This time, the
could be worse. In one study, women at the experiment left the subjects feeling more
University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee were dissatisfied with their lives.
shown images of the extremely harsh living These experiments, which show that we can
conditions in Milwaukee at the turn of the century increase or decrease our sense of life satisfaction
or were asked to visualize and write about going by changing our perspective, clearly point to the
through personal tragedies such as being burned supremacy of one’s mental outlook in living a
or disfigured. After completing this exercise, the happy life.
women were asked to rate the quality of their The Dalai Lama explains, “Although it is
own lives. The exercise resulted in an increased possible to achieve happiness, happiness is not a
sense of satisfaction with their lives. In another simple thing. There are many levels. In Buddhism,
experiment at the State University of New York for instance, there is a reference to the four
factors of fulfillment, or happiness: wealth, we need a circle of friends with whom we can
worldly satisfaction, spirituality, and relate emotionally and trust.
enlightenment. Together they embrace the totality “Now, all of these factors are, in fact, sources
of an individual’s quest for happiness. of happiness. But in order for an individual to be
“Let us leave aside for a moment ultimate able to fully utilize them towards the goal of
religious or spiritual aspirations like perfection enjoying a happy and fulfilled life, your state of
and enlightenment and deal with joy and mind is key. It’s crucial.
happiness as we understand them in an everyday “If we utilize our favorable circumstances,
or worldly sense. Within this context, there are such as our good health or wealth, in positive
certain key elements that we conventionally ways, in helping others, they can be contributory
acknowledge as contributing to joy and factors in achieving a happier life. And of course
happiness. For example, good health is we enjoy these things—our material facilities,
considered to be one of the necessary factors for success, and so on. But without the right mental
a happy life. Another factor that we regard as a attitude, without attention to the mental factor,
source of happiness is our material facilities, or these things have very little impact on our long-
the wealth that we accumulate. An additional term feelings of happiness. For example, if you
factor is to have friendship, or companions. We harbor hateful thoughts or intense anger
all recognize that in order to enjoy a fulfilled life, somewhere deep down within yourself, then it
ruins your health; thus it destroys one of the joy or fulfillment that you are seeking. The same
factors. Also, if you are mentally unhappy or can be said of your friends too. When you are in
frustrated, then physical comfort is not of much an intense state of anger or hatred, even a very
help. On the other hand, if you can maintain a close friend appears to you as somehow sort of
calm, peaceful state of mind, then you can be a frosty, or cold, distant, and quite annoying.
very happy person even if you have poor health. “All of this indicates the tremendous influence
Or, even if you have wonderful possessions, that the mental state, the mind factor, has on our
when you are in an intense moment of anger or experience of daily life. Naturally, then, we have
hatred, you feel like throwing them, breaking to take that factor very seriously.
them. At that moment your possessions mean “So leaving aside the perspective of spiritual
nothing. Today there are societies that are very practice, even in worldly terms, in terms of our
developed materially, yet among them there are enjoying a happy day-to-day existence, the
many people who are not very happy. Just greater the level of calmness of our mind, the
underneath the beautiful surface of affluence there greater our peace of mind, the greater our ability
is a kind of mental unrest, leading to frustration, to enjoy a happy and joyful life.”
unnecessary quarrels, reliance on drugs or The Dalai Lama paused for a moment as if to
alcohol, and in the worst case, suicide. So there let that idea settle, then added, “I should mention
is no guarantee that wealth alone can give you the that when we speak of a calm state of mind or
peace of mind, we shouldn’t confuse that with a INNER CONTENTMENT
totally insensitive, apathetic state of mind. Having
a calm or peaceful state of mind doesn’t mean
being totally spaced out or completely empty.
Peace of mind or a calm state of mind is rooted Crossing the hotel parking lot on my way to meet
in affection and compassion. There is a very high with the Dalai Lama one afternoon, I stopped to
level of sensitivity and feeling there.” admire a brand-new Toyota Land Cruiser, the
Summarizing, he said, “As long as there is a type of car I had been wanting for a long time.
lack of the inner discipline that brings calmness of Still thinking of that car as I began my session, I
mind, no matter what external facilities or asked, “Sometimes it seems that our whole
conditions you have, they will never give you the culture, Western culture, is based on material
feeling of joy and happiness that you are seeking. acquisition; we’re surrounded, bombarded, with
On the other hand, if you possess this inner ads for the latest things to buy, the latest car and
quality, a calmness of mind, a degree of stability so on. It’s difficult not to be influenced by that.
within, then even if you lack various external There are so many things we want, things we
facilities that you would normally consider desire. It never seems to stop. Can you speak a
necessary for happiness, it is still possible to live bit about desire?”
a happy and joyful life.” “I think there are two kinds of desire,” the
Dalai Lama replied. “Certain desires are positive. one’s essential needs of food, clothing, and
A desire for happiness. It’s absolutely right. The shelter, is something more reasonable.
desire for peace. The desire for a more “Sometimes, whether a desire is excessive or
harmonious world, a friendlier world. Certain negative depends on the circumstances or society
desires are very useful. in which you live. For example, if you live in a
“But at some point, desires can become prosperous society where a car is required to
unreasonable. That usually leads to trouble. help you manage in your daily life, then of course
Now, for example, sometimes I visit there’s nothing wrong in desiring a car. But if you
supermarkets. I really love to see supermarkets, live in a poor village in India where you can
because I can see so many beautiful things. So, manage quite well without a car but you still
when I look at all these different articles, I desire one, even if you have the money to buy it,
develop a feeling of desire, and my initial impulse it can ultimately bring trouble. It can create an
might be, ‘Oh, I want this; I want that.’ Then, the uncomfortable feeling among your neighbors and
second thought that arises, I ask myself, ‘Oh, do so on. Or, if you’re living in a more prosperous
I really need this?’ The answer is usually no. If society and have a car but keep wanting more
you follow after that first desire, that initial expensive cars, that leads to the same kind of
impulse, then very soon your pockets will empty. problems.”
However, the other level of desire, based on “But,” I argued, “I can’t see how wanting or
buying a more expensive car leads to problems gives you a immediate feeling of satisfaction but
for an individual, as long as he or she can afford whether it ultimately results in positive or negative
it. Having a more expensive car than your consequences. For example, in the case of
neighbors might be a problem for them—they wanting more expensive possessions, if that is
might be jealous and so on—but having a new based on a mental attitude that just wants more
car would give you, yourself, a feeling of and more, then eventually you’ll reach a limit of
satisfaction and enjoyment.” what you can get; you’ll come up against reality.
The Dalai Lama shook his head and replied And when you reach that limit, then you’ll lose all
firmly, “No.... Self-satisfaction alone cannot hope, sink down into depression, and so on.
determine if a desire or action is positive or That’s one danger inherent in that type of desire.
negative. A murderer may have a feeling of “So I think that this kind of excessive desire
satisfaction at the time he is committing the leads to greed—an exaggerated form of desire,
murder, but that doesn’t justify the act. All the based on overexpectation. And when you reflect
nonvirtuous actions—lying, stealing, sexual upon the excesses of greed, you’ll find that it
misconduct, and so on—are committed by leads an individual to a feeling of frustration,
people who may be feeling a sense of satisfaction disappointment, a lot of confusion, and a lot of
at the time. The demarcation between a positive problems. When it comes to dealing with greed,
and a negative desire or action is not whether it one thing that is quite characteristic is that
although it arrives by the desire to obtain So, how can we achieve inner contentment?
something, it is not satisfied by obtaining. There are two methods. One method is to obtain
Therefore, it becomes sort of limitless, sort of everything that we want and desire—all the
bottomless, and that leads to trouble. One money, houses, and cars; the perfect mate; and
interesting thing about greed is that although the the perfect body. The Dalai Lama has already
underlying motive is to seek satisfaction, the irony pointed out the disadvantage of this approach; if
is that even after obtaining the object of your our wants and desires remain unchecked, sooner
desire, you are still not satisfied. The true or later we will run up against something that we
antidote of greed is contentment. If you have a want but can’t have. The second, and more
strong sense of contentment, it doesn’t matter reliable, method is not to have what we want but
whether you obtain the object or not; either way, rather to want and appreciate what we have.
you are still content.” The other night, I was watching a television
interview with Christopher Reeve, the actor who
was thrown from a horse in 1994 and suffered a
spinal cord injury that left him completely
paralyzed from the neck down, requiring a
mechanical ventilator even to breathe. When
questioned by the interviewer about how he dealt
with the depression resulting from his disability, innocent passing remark such as, “I’m just gonna
Reeve revealed that he had experienced a brief run upstairs and get something.” In learning to
period of complete despair while in the intensive deal with these feelings, he said, “I realized that
care unit of the hospital. He went on to say, the only way to go through life is to look at your
however, that these feelings of despair passed assets, to see what you can still do; in my case,
relatively quickly, and he now sincerely fortunately I didn’t have any brain injury, so I still
considered himself to be a “lucky guy.” He cited have a mind I can use.” Focusing on his
the blessings of a loving wife and children but resources in this manner, Reeve has elected to
also spoke gratefully about the rapid advances of use his mind to increase awareness and educate
modern medicine (which he estimates will find a the public about spinal cord injury, to help others,
cure for spinal cord injury within the next and has plans to continue speaking as well as to
decade), stating that if he had been hurt just a write and direct films.
few years earlier, he probably would have died
from his injuries. While describing the process of
adjusting to his paralysis, Reeve said that while
his feelings of despair resolved rather quickly, at
first he was still troubled by intermittent pangs of
jealousy that could be triggered by another’s
 INNER WORTH have been very difficult. While I was in Tibet,
because of the way the political system was set
up, there was a certain degree of respect given to
the office of the Dalai Lama and people related
We’ve seen how working on our mental outlook to me accordingly, regardless of whether they
is a more effective means of achieving happiness had true affection towards me or not. But if that
than seeking it through external sources such as was the only basis of people’s relation towards
wealth, position, or even physical health. Another me, then when I lost my country, it would have
internal source of happiness, closely linked with been extremely difficult. But there is another
an inner feeling of contentment, is a sense of self- source of worth and dignity from which you can
worth. In describing the most reliable basis for relate to other fellow human beings. You can
developing that sense of self-worth, the Dalai relate to them because you are still a human
Lama explained: being, within the human community. You
“Now in my case, for instance, suppose I had share that bond. And that human bond is
no depth of human feeling, no capacity for easily enough to give rise to a sense of worth and
creating good friends. Without that, when I lost dignity. That bond can become a source of
my own country, when my political authority in consolation in the event that you lose
Tibet came to an end, becoming a refugee would everything else.”
 The Dalai Lama stopped for a moment to person will suffer because there is no other
take a sip of tea, then shaking his head he added, refuge. On the other hand, you can have another
“Unfortunately, when you read history you’ll find person enjoying similar economic status and
cases of emperors or kings in the past who lost financial success, but at the same time, that
their status due to some political upheaval and person is warm and affectionate and has a feeling
were forced to leave the country, but the story of compassion. Because that person has another
afterwards wasn’t that positive for them. I think source of worth, another source that gives him or
without that feeling of affection and connection her a sense of dignity, another anchor, there is
with other fellow human beings, life becomes less chance of that person’s becoming depressed
very hard. if his or her fortune happens to disappear.
“Generally speaking, you can have two Through this type of reasoning you can see the
different types of individuals. On the one hand, very practical value of human warmth and
you can have a wealthy, successful person, affection in developing an inner sense of worth.”
surrounded by relatives and so on. If that
person’s source of dignity and sense of worth is
only material, then so long as his fortune remains,
maybe that person can sustain a sense of
security. But the moment the fortune wanes, the
 HAPPINESS VERSUS PLEASURE speaking to an Indian audience at Rajpur. I
mentioned that the purpose of life was happiness,
so one member of the audience said that
Rajneesh teaches that our happiest moment
Several months after the Dalai Lama’s talks in comes during sexual activity, so through sex one
Arizona, I visited him at his home in Dharamsala. can become the happiest,” the Dalai Lama
It was a particularly hot and humid July laughed heartily. “He wanted to know what I
afternoon, and I arrived at his home drenched in thought of that idea. I answered that from my
sweat after only a short hike from the village. point of view, the highest happiness is when one
Coming from a dry climate, I found the humidity reaches the stage of Liberation, at which there is
to be almost unbearable that day, and I wasn’t in no more suffering. That’s genuine, lasting
the best of moods as we sat down to begin our happiness. True happiness relates more to the
conversation. He, on the other hand, seemed to mind and heart. Happiness that depends mainly
be in great spirits. Shortly into our conversation, on physical pleasure is unstable; one day it’s
we turned to the topic of pleasure. At one point there, the next day it may not be.”
in the discussion, he made a crucial observation:
“Now sometimes people confuse happiness
with pleasure. For example, not long ago I was
 had visited that town many times and had always
On the surface, it seemed like a fairly obvious dreamed of moving there. It was perfect. The
observation; of course, happiness and pleasure only problem was the fact that the job she was
were two different things. And yet, we human offered involved an adult clientele. For weeks,
beings are often quite adept at confusing the two. she had been struggling with the decision whether
Not long after I returned home, during a therapy to accept the new job. She just couldn’t make up
session with a patient, I was to have a concrete her mind. She tried making up a list of pros and
demonstration of just how powerful that simple cons, but the list was annoyingly even.
realization can be. She explained, “I know I wouldn’t enjoy the
Heather was a young single professional work as much as my job here, but that would be
working as a coun selor in the Phoenix area. more than compensated for by the pure pleasure
Although she enjoyed her job working with of living in that town! I really love it there. Just
troubled youth, for some time she had become being there makes me feel good. And I’m so sick
increasingly dissatisfied with living in that area. of the heat here. I just don’t know what to do.”
She often complained about the growing Her mention of the term “pleasure” reminded
population, the traffic, and the oppressive heat in me of the Dalai Lama’s words, and, probing a
the summer. She had been offered a job in a bit, I asked, “Do you think that moving there
beautiful small town in the mountains. In fact, she would bring you greater happiness or greater
pleasure?”
She paused for a moment, uncertain what to
make of the question. Finally she answered, “I Everyday we are faced with numerous decisions
don’t know ... You know, I think it would bring and choices. And try as we may, we often don’t
me more pleasure than happiness ... Ultimately, I choose the thing that we know is “good for us.”
don’t think I‘dreally be happy working with that Part of this is related to the fact that the “right
clientele. I really do get a lot of satisfaction choice” is often the difficult one—the one that
working with the kids at my job....” involves some sacrifice of our pleasure.
Simply reframing her dilemma in terms of In every century, men and women have
“Will it bring me happiness?” seemed to provide struggled with trying to define the properrole that
a certain clarity. Suddenly it became much easier pleasure should play in their lives—a legion of
to make her decision. She decided to remain in philosophers, theologists, and psychologists, all
Phoenix. Of course, she still complained about exploring our relationship with pleasure. In the
the summer heat. But, having made the conscious third century B.C., Epicurus based his system of
decision to remain there on the basis of what she ethics on the bold assertion that “pleasure is the
felt would ultimately make her happier, somehow beginning and end of the blessed life.” But even
made the heat more bearable. Epicurus acknowledged the importance of
common sense and moderation, recognizing that
unbridled devotion to sensual pleasures could or twentieth-century scientists to help us
sometimes lead to pain instead. In the closing understand pleasure. We know it when we feel it.
years of the nineteenth century, Sigmund Freud We know it in the touch or smile of a loved one,
was busy formulating his own theories about in the luxury of a hot bath on a cold rainy
pleasure. According to Freud, the fundamental afternoon, in the beauty of a sunset. But many of
motivating force for the entire psychic apparatus us also know pleasure in the frenetic rhapsody of
was the wish to relieve the tension caused by a cocaine rush, the ecstasy of a heroin high, the
unfulfilled instinctual drives; in other words, our revelry of an alcohol buzz, the bliss of
underlying motive is to seek pleasure. In the unrestrained sexual excess, the exhilaration of a
twentieth century, many researchers have chosen winning streak in Las Vegas. These are also very
to side-step more philosophical speculations, real pleasures—pleasures that many in our
and, instead, a host of neuroanatomists have society must come to terms with.
taken to poking around the brain’s hypothalamus Although there are no easy solutions to
and limbic regions with electrodes, searching for avoiding these destructive pleasures, fortunately
the spot that produces pleasure when electrically we have a place to begin: the simple reminder
stimulated. that what we are seeking in life is happiness. As
None of us really need dead Greek the Dalai Lama points out, that is an unmistakable
philosophers, nineteenth-century psychoanalysts, fact. If we approach our choices in life keeping
that in mind, it is easier to give up the things that defined by the Dalai Lama, that is stable and
are ultimately harmful to us, even if those things persistent. A state of happiness that remains,
bring us momentary pleasure. The reason why it despite life’s ups and downs and normal
is usually so difficult to “Just say no!” is found in fluctuations of mood, as part of the very matrix of
the word “no”; that approach is associated with a our being. With this perspective, it’s easier to
sense of rejecting something, of giving something make the “right decision” because we are acting
up, of denying ourselves. to give ourselves something, not denying or
But there is a better approach: framing any withholding something from ourselves—an
decision we face by asking ourselves, “Will it attitude of moving toward rather than moving
bring me happiness?” That simple question can away, an attitude of embracing life rather than
be a powerful tool in helping us skillfully conduct rejecting it. This underlying sense of moving
all areas of our lives, not just in the decision toward happiness can have a very profound
whether to indulge in drugs or that third piece of effect; it makes us more receptive, more open, to
banana cream pie. It puts a new slant on things. the joy of living.
Approaching our daily decisions and choices with
this question in mind shifts the focus from what
we are denying ourselves to what we are seeking
—ultimate happiness. A kind of happiness, as
 Chapter 3 THE PATH TO HAPPINESS

TRAINING THE MIND FOR In identifying one’s mental state as the prime
HAPPINESS factor in achieving happiness, of course that
doesn’t deny that our basic physical needs for
food, clothing, and shelter must be met. But once
these basic needs are met, the message is clear:
we don’t need more money, we don’t need
greater success or fame, we don’t need the
perfect body or even the perfect mate—right
now, at this very moment, we have a mind,
which is all the basic equipment we need to
achieve complete happiness.
In presenting his approach to working with
the mind, the Dalai Lama began, “When we refer
to ‘mind’ or’consciousness,‘ there are many
different varieties. Just like external conditions or very bad and harmful to one personally but
objects, some things are very useful, some are harmful to society and the future of the whole
very harmful, and some are neutral. So when world as well. That kind of realization enhances
dealing with external matter, usually we first try to our determination to face and overcome them.
identify which of these different substances or And then, there is the realization of the beneficial
chemicals are helpful, so we can take care to aspects of the positive emotions and behaviors.
cultivate, increase, and use them. And those Once we realize that, we become determined to
substances which are harmful, we get rid of. So cherish, develop, and increase those positive
similarly, when we talk about mind, there are emotions no matter how difficult that is. There is
thousands of different thoughts or different’minds. a kind of spontaneous willingness from within. So
Among them, some are very helpful; those, we through this process of learning, of analyzing
should take and nourish. Some are negative, very which thoughts and emotions are beneficial and
harmful; those, we should try to reduce. which are harmful, we gradually develop a firm
“So, the first step in seeking happiness is determination to change, feeling, ‘Now the secret
learning. We first have to learn how negative to my own happiness, my own good future, is
emotions and behaviors are harmful to us and within my own hands. I must not miss that
how positive emotions are helpful. And we must opportunity!’
realize how these negative emotions are not only “In Buddhism, the principle of causality is
accepted as a natural law. In dealing with reality, important.
you have to take that law into account. So, for “Now, we have spoken of the supreme
instance, in the case of everyday experiences, if importance of the mental factor in achieving
there are certain types of events that you do not happiness. Our next task, therefore, is to examine
desire, then the best method of ensuring that that the variety of mental states that we experience.
event does not take place is to make sure that the We need to clearly identify different mental states
causal conditions that normally give rise to that and make a distinction, classifying them
event no longer arise. Similarly, if you want a according to whether they lead to happiness or
particular event or experience to occur, then the not.”
logical thing to do is to seek and accumulate the “Can you give some specific examples of
causes and conditions that give rise to it. different mental states and describe how you
“This is also the case with mental states and would classify them?” I asked.
experiences. If you desire happiness, you should The Dalai Lama explained, “Now for
seek the causes that give rise to it, and if you instance, hatred, jealousy, anger, and so on are
don’t desire suffering, then what you should do is harmful. We consider them negative states of
to ensure that the causes and conditions that mind because they destroy our mental happiness;
would give rise to it no longer arise. An once you harbor feelings of hatred or ill feeling
appreciation of this causal principle is very towards someone, once you yourself are filled by
hatred or negative emotions, then other people might have a better definition of a psychologically
appear to you as also hostile. So as a result there healthy person.”
is more fear, greater inhibition and hesitation, and “But I mean from your standpoint.”
a sense of insecurity. These things develop, and “Well, I would regard a compassionate,
also loneliness in the midst of a world perceived warm, kindhearted person as healthy. If you
as hostile. All these negative feelings develop maintain a feeling of compassion, loving
because of hatred. On the other hand, mental kindness, then something automatically opens
states such as kindness and compassion are your inner door. Through that, you can
definitely very positive. They are very useful ...” communicate much more easily with other
“I’m just curious,” I interrupted. “You people. And that feeling of warmth creates a
mention that there are thousands of different kind of openness. You’ll find that all human
states of mind. What would be your definition of beings are just like you, so you’ll be able to
a psychologically healthy or well-adjusted relate to them more easily. That gives you a
person? We might use such a definition as a spirit of friendship. Then there’s less need to hide
guideline in determining which mental states to things, and as a result, feelings of fear, self-doubt,
cultivate and which ones to eliminate.” and insecurity are automatically dispelled. Also, it
He laughed, then with his characteristic creates a feeling of trust from other people.
humility he responded, “As a psychiatrist, you Otherwise, for example, you might find someone
who is very competent, and you know that you MENTAL DISCIPLINE
can trust that person’s competence. But if you
sense that person is not kind, then you have to
hold something back. You feel that‘Oh, I know
that person can do things, but can I really trust As he spoke, I found something very appealing
him?’ so you will always have a certain about the Dalai Lama’s approach to achieving
apprehension which creates a kind of distance happiness. It was absolutely practical and
from him. rational: Identify and cultivate positive mental
“So, anyway, I think that cultivating positive states; identify and eliminate negative mental
mental states like kindness and compassion
states. Although his suggestion to begin by
definitely leads to better psychological health and
systematically analyzing the variety of mental
happiness.”
states that we experience initially struck me as
being a bit dry, I gradually became carried away
by the force of his logic and reasoning. And I
liked the fact that rather than classifying mental
states, emotions, or desires on the basis of some
externally imposed moral judgment such as
“Greed is a sin” or “Hatred is evil,” he body; you need a variety of vitamins and
categorizes emotions as positive or negative nutrients, not just one or two. In the same way, in
simply on the basis of whether they lead to our order to achieve happiness, you need a variety of
ultimate happiness. approaches and methods to deal with and
Resuming our conversation the next afternoon, I overcome the varied and complex negative
asked, “If happiness is simply a matter of mental states. And if you are seeking to
cultivating more positive mental states like overcome certain negative ways of thinking, it is
kindness and so on, why are so many people not possible to accomplish that simply by
unhappy?” adopting a particular thought or practicing a
“Achieving genuine happiness may require technique once or twice. Change takes time.
bringing about a transformation in your outlook, Even physical change takes time. For instance, if
your way of thinking, and this is not a simple you’re moving from one climate to another, the
matter,” he said. “It requires the application of so body needs time to adapt to the new
many different factors from different directions. environment. And in the same way, transforming
You shouldn’t have the notion, for instance, that your mind takes time. There are a lot of negative
there is just one key, a secret, and if you can get mental traits, so you need to address and
that right, then everything will be okay. It is counteract each one of these. That isn’t easy. It
similar to taking proper care of the physical requires the repeated application of various
techniques and taking the time to familiarize Buddhist practices are very helpful to me.
yourself with the practices. It’s a process of However, because of habituation, through many
learning. previous lifetimes, certain things may arise, like
“But I think that as time goes on, you can anger or attachment. So now what I do is: first
make positive changes. Everyday as soon as you learn about the positive value of the practices,
get up, you can develop a sincere positive then build up determination, and then try to
motivation, thinking, ‘I will utilize this day in a implement them. At the beginning, the
more positive way. I should not waste this very implementation of the positive practices is very
day.’ And then, at night before bed, check what small, so the negative influences are still very
you’ve done, asking yourself, ‘Did I utilize this powerful. However, eventually, as you gradually
day as I planned?’ If it went accordingly, then build up the positive practices, the negative
you should rejoice. If it went wrong, then regret behaviors are automatically diminished. So,
what you did and critique the day. So, through actually the practice of Dharma1 is a constant
methods such as this, you can gradually battle within, replacing previous negative
strengthen the positive aspects of the mind. conditioning or habituation with new positive
“Now, for example, in my own case, as a conditioning.”
Buddhist monk, I believe in Buddhism and Continuing he said, “No matter what activity
through my own experience I know that these or practice we are pursuing, there isn’t anything
that isn’t made easier through constant familiarity effect on the deeper mind. No hatred. This was
and training. Through training, we can change; we achieved through gradual practice; it didn’t
can transform ourselves. Within Buddhist happen overnight.“
practice there are various methods of trying to Certainly not. The Dalai Lama has been
sustain a calm mind when some disturbing event engaged in training his mind since he was four
happens. Through repeated practice of these years old.
methods we can get to the point where some
disturbance may occur but the negative effects on
our mind remain on the surface, like the waves
that may ripple on the surface of an ocean but The systematic training of the mind—the
don’t have much effect deep down. And, cultivation of happiness, the genuine inner
although my own experience may be very little, I transformation by deliberately selecting and
have found this to be true in my own small focusing on positive mental states and challenging
practice. So, if I receive some tragic news, at that negative mental states—is possible because of
moment I may experience some disturbance the very structure and function of the brain. We
within my mind, but it goes very quickly. Or, I are born with brains that are genetically
may become irritated and develop some anger, hardwired with certain instinctual behavior
but again, it dissipates very quickly. There is no
patterns; we are predisposed mentally, allowing electrical signals to travel along them
emotionally, and physically to respond to our more readily. Scientists call the brain’s inherent
environment in ways that enable us to survive. capacity to change “plasticity.”
These basic sets of instructions are encoded in This ability to change the brain’s wiring, to
countless innate nerve cell activation patterns, grow new neural connections, has been
specific combinations of brain cells that fire in demonstrated in experiments such as one
response to any given event, experience, or conducted by Doctors Avi Karni and Leslie
thought. But the wiring in our brains is not static, Underleider at the National Institutes of Mental
not irrevocably fixed. Our brains are also Health. In that experiment, the researchers had
adaptable. Neuroscientists have documented the subjects perform a simple motor task, a finger-
fact that the brain can design new patterns, new tapping exercise, and identified the parts of the
combinations of nerve cells and neurotransmitters brain involved in the task by taking a MRI brain
(chemicals that transmit messages between nerve scan. The subjects then practiced the finger
cells) in response to new input. In fact, our brains exercise daily for four weeks, gradually becoming
are malleable, ever changing, reconfiguring their more efficient and quicker at it. At the end of the
wiring according to new thoughts and four-week period, the brain scan was repeated
experiences. And as a result of learning, the and showed that the area of the brain involved in
function of individual neurons themselves change, the task had expanded; this indicated that the
regular practice and repetition of the task had ETHICAL DISCIPLINE
recruited new nerve cells and changed the neural
connections that had originally been involved in
the task.
This remarkable feature of the brain appears In a later discussion related to training the mind
to be the physiological basis for the possibility of for happiness, the Dalai Lama pointed out, “I
transforming our minds. By mobilizing our think that ethical behavior is another feature of
thoughts and practicing new ways of thinking, we the kind of inner discipline that leads to a happier
can reshape our nerve cells and change the way existence. One could call this ethical discipline.
our brains work. It is also the basis for the idea Great spiritual teachers like the Buddha advise us
that inner transformation begins with learning to perform wholesome actions and avoid
(new input) and involves the discipline of indulging in unwholesome actions. Whether our
gradually replacing our “negative conditioning” action is wholesome or unwholesome depends
(corresponding with our present characteristic on whether that action or deed arises from a
nerve cell activation patterns) with “positive disciplined or undisciplined state of mind. It is felt
conditioning” (forming new neural circuits). Thus, that a disciplined mind leads to happiness and an
the idea of training the mind for happiness undisciplined mind leads to suffering, and in fact it
becomes a very real possibility. is said that bringing about discipline within
one’s mind is the essence of the Buddha’s true happiness, spiritual growth, and complete
teaching. internal transformation. It seemed that the quest
“When I speak of discipline, I’m referring to for happiness should somehow be a more
self-discipline, not discipline that’s externally spontaneous process.
imposed on you by someone else. Also, I’m Raising this issue, I interjected, “You describe
referring to discipline that’s applied in order to the negative emotions and behaviors as being
overcome your negative qualities. A criminal gang ‘unwholesome’ and the positive behaviors as
may need discipline to perform a successful ’wholesome.‘ Further, you’ve said that an
robbery, but that discipline is useless.” untrained or undisciplined mind generally results
The Dalai Lama stopped speaking for a in negative or unwholesome behaviors, so we
moment and seemed to be reflecting, gathering have to learn and train ourselves to increase our
his thoughts. Or, perhaps he was simply positive behaviors. So far, so good.
searching for a word in English. I don’t know. “But the thing that bothers me is that your
But thinking about our conversation as he paused very definition of negative or unwholesome
that afternoon, something about all this talk behaviors is those behaviors which lead to
concerning the importance of learning and suffering. And you define a wholesome behavior
discipline began to strike me as being rather as one that leads to happiness. You also start
tedious when contrasted with the lofty goals of with the basic premise that all beings naturally
want to avoid suffering and gain happiness—that we consider education as a very important factor
desire is innate; it doesn’t have to be learned. for ensuring a successful and happy life. And
The question then is: If it’s natural for us to want knowledge does not come by naturally. We have
to avoid suffering, why aren’t we spontaneously to train; we have to go through a kind of
and naturally more and more repulsed by the systematic training program and so forth. And we
negative or unwholesome behaviors as we grow consider this conventional education and training
older? And if it is natural to want to gain to be quite hard; otherwise why would students
happiness, why aren’t we spontaneously and look forward so much to vacations? Still, we
naturally more and more drawn to wholesome know that this type of education is quite vital for
behaviors and thus become happier as our life ensuring a happy and successful life.
progresses? I mean, if these wholesome “In the same way, doing wholesome deeds
behaviors naturally lead to happiness and we may not come naturally, but we have to
want happiness, shouldn’t that occur as a natural consciously train towards it. This is so,
process? Why should we need so much particularly in modern society, because there is a
education, training, and discipline for that process tendency to accept that the question of
to occur?” wholesome deeds and unwholesome deeds—
Shaking his head, the Dalai Lama replied, what to do and what is not to be done—is
“Even in conventional terms, in our everyday life, something that is considered to be within the
purview of religion. Traditionally, it has been learning and understanding, can have a very
considered the responsibility of religion to real impact on bow we interact with others
prescribe what behaviors are wholesome and and how we conduct our daily lives.”
what are not. However, in today’s society, Playing devil’s advocate, I countered, “Still,
religion has lost its prestige and influence to some you use the analogy of conventional academic
degree. And at the same time, no alternative, education and training. That is one thing. But if
such as a secular ethics, has come up to replace you are talking about certain behaviors that you
it. So there seems to be less attention paid to the call ‘wholesome’ or positive, leading to
need to lead a wholesome way of life. It is happiness, and other behaviors leading to
because of this that I think we need to make suffering, why does it take so much learning to
some special effort and consciously work identify which behaviors are which and so much
towards gaining that kind of knowledge. For training to implement the positive behaviors and
example, although I personally believe that our eliminate the negative? I mean, if you put your
human nature is fundamentally gentle and hand in a fire, you get burned. You pull your
compassionate, I feel it is not enough that this is hand back, and you’ve learned that this behavior
our underlying nature; we must also develop an leads to suffering. You don’t need extensive
appreciation and awareness of that fact. And learning or training to learn not to touch the fire
changing how we perceive ourselves, through again.
 “So, why aren’t all behaviors or emotions that understand that there are many different levels.
lead to suffering like that? For instance, you claim For example, let’s say that human beings in the
that anger and hatred are clearly negative Stone Age didn’t know how to cook meat but
emotions and ultimately lead to suffering. But why they still had the biological need to eat, so they
does one have to be educated about the harmful just ate like a wild animal. As humans
effects of anger and hatred in order to eliminate progressed, they learned how to cook and then
them? Since anger immediately causes an how to put in different spices to make the food
uncomfortable emotional state in oneself, and it is more tasty and then they came up with more
certainly easy to feel that discomfort directly, why diverse dishes. And even up to our present age, if
doesn’t one just naturally and spontaneously we are suffering from a particular illness and
avoid it in the future?” through our knowledge we learn that a certain
As the Dalai Lama listened intently to my type of food is not good for us, even though we
arguments, his intelligent eyes widened slightly, as might have the desire to eat it, we restrain
if he were mildly surprised, or even amused, at ourselves from eating it. So it is clear that the
the naïveté of my questions. Then, with a hardy more sophisticated the level of our knowledge is,
laugh, full of goodwill, he said: the more effective we will be in dealing with the
“When you talk of knowledge leading to natural world.
freedom or resolution of a problem, you have to “You also need the ability to judge the long-
term and short-term consequences of your crucial.”
behaviors and weigh the two. For example, in Sensing, I suppose, my continued resistance
overcoming anger, although animals may to the idea of simple education as a means of
experience anger, they cannot understand that internal transformation, he observed, “One
anger is destructive. In the case of human beings, problem with our current society is that we have
however, there is a different level, where you an attitude towards education as if it is there to
have a kind of self-awareness that allows you to simply make you more clever, make you more
reflect and observe that when anger arises, it ingenious. Sometimes it even seems as if those
hurts you. Therefore, you can make a judgment who are not highly educated, those who are less
that anger is destructive. You need to be able to sophisticated in terms of their educational
make that inference. So it’s not as simple as training, are more innocent and more honest.
putting your hand in a fire, and then being burned Even though our society does not emphasize this,
and just learning in the future never to do it again. the most important use of knowledge and
The more sophisticated your level of education education is to help us understand the importance
and knowledge about what leads to happiness of engaging in more wholesome actions and
and what causes suffering, the more effective you bringing about discipline within our minds. The
will be in achieving happiness. So, it is because of proper utilization of our intelligence and
this that I think education and knowledge are knowledge is to effect changes from within to
develop a good heart.”