Columbinus by Karam, Stephen, and P. J. Paparelli. Dramatic Pub., 2007.

The Basement Tapes

Eric: Ok, It’s about 1:30 AM. Less than 48 hours to judgment day. We want to take you

on a tour of what we’ve been up to over the last few months.

Dylan: We’ve been busy little beavers.

Eric: Welcome to the arsenal of freedom. Better known as my bedroom. My parents are

a bit too trusting.

Dylan: They’re clueless.

Eric: Here we have the Delta Batch--

Dylan: Created by yours truly.

Eric: we’ve got a pretty awesome supply of rifles pipe bombs. molotov’s if we get bored.

Dylan: But the real star of the show

Dylan: Drum roll…

Dylan: Arlene - she’s a feisty one!

Eric: Go ahead and change the gun laws --

Dylan: How do you think we got ours?

Eric: And don’t blame the school --

Dylan: Yeah the administration is doing a fine job as it is.

Eric: The police, the parents, the world will be studying these videos.

Eric: Thinking why? Why would they do such a thing?

Dylan: Maybe they felt hopeless, hopeless, alone?

Dylan: The most deaths in US HIstory.

INTRO:

Eric: As we explore the topic through the eyes of Columbine shooters Eric and Dylan,

we see that even 23 years later, change is not here.

Both: Columbinus

Eric: By PJ Paperelli

Dylan: and Stephen Karman.

Eric: With contributions from the american theatre project

Guidance Part 1

Counselor: Ok, we’ll start with the big question: What do you want to do with the rest of

your life? What are your interests?

Loner: I dunno.

Voice: You don’t know? It says here that You’ve run sound for the drama program. You

clearly have a creative side. mind

Loner: It was a tape deck. I pushed play.

Voice: Well, I know you’re good with electronics. I’ve seen you in the computer lab after

school. Thought about getting a job in computers?

Loner: I don’t know. It’s kinda difficult to find a technician job when I’m 16 years old.

Voice: Right, well there’s lots of money to be made there.

Voice: You’re not keeping secrets are you?

Loner: I don’t have a clue what I’ll major in. I’m dealing with the immediate here, and

that should be okay. Why do we always have to know where we are going? And who’s

supposed to be guiding us? You? How are you qualified to guide me when you don’t

know the first thing about me? Yes, with a glance from my file, you glean that D in

political science. But let’s see you name a friend, or the music I like… or where I will eat

lunch today… and why I eat lunch there?

Voice: You're not keeping any secrets, are you?

Loner: … No. I’m not.

Guidance Part 2

Voice: So, what are your interests? It Looks here like you played soccer, is that right?

Freak: Yeah.

Voice: What did you enjoy about soccer?

Freak: I don’t know.

Voice: Come on, tell me more than, “I don’t know…” I know you’re a bright kid. Your

grades are excellent. Any post-graduate plans?

Freak: Marines maybe.

Voice: Marines, huh? You know, even the marines would like to see an extra-curricular

actiivty on your transcipt. Picking up a sport could take care of all that.

Freak: Wel-

Freak: You see that-

Voice: I don’t know why someone as bright as you isn’t involved in more activities.
Voice: I don’t know why you don’t just apply yourself a little bit more

Freak: Would it take care of the fact that I get pissed off so easily? That I freak out at

almost anything? But thanks for asking, Friend, with your three-day certificate in

counseling. You are not equipped to handle what’s going on inside of me. You want me

to open up in this one conversation? Well I don’t think that’s going to be happening

today, sire, because I’ve just been humiliated. I’m looking at a man, who is disgusted by

me, by the way I dress, by the way I act, by my choice of silence. You want to help me

figure out the next eighty years of my life, why don’t we start with today, or what’s going

to happen when the bell rings ten minutes from now? Tell me why I have a short temper

and get angry at almost anything.

Voice: Hello?

Loner: Sorry I was so silent. Lots to think about.

Voice: No problem. Well, I’ll see you in a few months.

What if

Dylan: So bizzare question, but how do you really think it will end?

Eric: Well, we’re not getting out of there alive.

Dylan: And then?

Eric: What do you mean, “after that”?

Dylan: Oh, come on… like you haven’t thought about this.

Eric: What is there to think about?

Dylan: We are going to be dead in two days. It’s terrifying.

Eric: That’s the best part.

Eric: Okay Dylan, let’s talk about death. It’s blackness. It’s nothing. It’s just over.

Dylan: You can’t know that.

Eric: Look, we have always been set on this. We put guns to our heads and count one,

two, three, Bang! That’s it

Dylan: Bang and that’s it?

Eric: There’s no thinking.

Dylan: Ok fine.

Eric: Good, because you don’t have a choice. End of discussion

Dylan: What if I don’t?

Eric: What did you say?

Dylan: What if you shoot first, but I decide not to?

Eric: What is this? You want to F this up? What the hell is your problem?

Dylan: What’s your problem? I asked you a simple question -

Eric: Two days before? You wait until tonight to ask your simple question? I am not

going to let you mess this up

Eric: Cmon! C'mon You sad, ugly, loner

Dylan: It’s a real surprise the Marines didn’t want to add a bi-polar freak like you to their

ranks--

Eric: What do you know about the marines?!

Dylan:. Why do you have to push this Eric? You keep pushing

Eric: You have no idea what I’m capable of.

Eric: What?

Dylan: Your medicine. You’re not taking it

Eric: What… you’re scared cause I’m a bit angry?

Dylan: I mean, look at you… You can’t even stand still.

Eric: Shut up! Just shut up

Dylan: Fine! No more questions.

Eric: I want one last memory.

Dylan: That’s why we are doing this.

Eric: like a knife to the skin of America, slicing her, with a jagged edge.

Dylan: Right here man. We’ll leave a scar on America that will never heal. We’ll be

remembered forever. Like gods man.

Eric: Like gods.

Dylan: Think of their faces.

Eric: The ones on fire, screaming for help…

Dylan: Help me!

Dylan: The world noticing our little high school, engulfed in flames.

Eric: The power we’ll have.

Dylan: The fame we’ll have.

Eric: Directors will die to film this movie.

Dylan: They will be fighting over us.

Eric: Spielberg or Tarantino.

Both: (look at each other) Tarantino!

Eric: Our journals

Dylan: Our lives

Eric: The greatest school shooting of all time

Goodbye

Dylan: Hey, It’s about half an hour before our judgement day. I just wanted to…

apologize for any crap this might instigate and… …. … I love you parents, I -

Eric: (interrupting) It’s hatred that fuels this fire. See, even you are hating us right now.

But I’ll tell you something. YOU made me. You made US. We… are…. The victims. I

have so much rage inside of me. Worse than a loaded gun because you don’t expect

anything vicious from silence…. … … … … Silence is deadly… … … … … …

Dylan: That’s it. Goodbye

Eric: Goodbye.

Both: SHHHHHHHHH