Al wat ek weet

Characters:
Gabriel Lombard
Gerrit Lombard- Gabriels dad
Gloria Manuel-Lombard- Gabriels mom
Ouma Lenie- Gabriels granny (moms mother)
Lotta- aunt (mom’s sister)
Vincent- mom’s younger brother who died young
Robert Mclachlan- clever, all rounded friend (been friends for ever)- they don’t
talk about their feelings.
Helen van Helsdingen- slam poetry (how they met)

Character sketches:
Gabriel- character development through story
Appearance- lank, maer,
Woon- Vredehoek

Sasha- Sneeuwitjie- baie bleek, swart hare, rooi lippe

Woon- Fresnaye

Robert- good at everything, attractive, slim- maths, plays athletics, popular,

extroverted, girls like him- but short
Begaafde ou- talented. Sjarmant- charming
He likes going to Gabriel’s house- he gets to play video games
Gabriel likes that Robert doesn’t confront feelings or emotions- especially
after his mom died.

Helen: Haar ouers is geskei (divorced). Haar Pa woon in Milnerton- where

they were going when the accident happened. She is like an older sister to
him. Platoniese vriende- platonic freinds

Familie:
Gerrit Lombard (Pa)- grew up on farm in Free state- his family didnt approve
of him marrying a woman of colour- not in his life anymore.
Dosent by die universiteit

Gloria Manuel-Lombard
Post mothers death:
Dok Diana- therapist (teenagers with problem)
Sasha Weiss (Sneeuwitjie)- another patient
Bibi Weiss- Sasha’s mom

Pre-reading: the dynamics

Gabriel is coloured (white father, black mother)
His parents met when they were activists. (aktiviste)
Gabriel grew up in a very informed and debating household.
When the parents fought- it would be about the father saying the mother
shouldn’t fight as hard and should let some things go- but this is coming from
the white male.

Something happens- Gabriel’s mom passes away (they had a very good
relationship)
He has to process this and live in a house with his processing dad but they
are dealing with it very differently.
The death was an accident (caused by a racial incident), happened very
suddenly- Gabriel blames his dad for the accident.

Children at his school just care about getting drunk on the weekends- not
about the important things.

Important vocabulary:
Self harm: Self skending / Sy sny haarself
Psychologist: Sielkundige
Sleeping pills: Slaappille
Online shopping: Aanlyn inkopies
Left: Verlaat
Credit cards: Krediet kaarte
Self confidence: Self vertroue
Coach: Afrigter
Beanie: Mussie
Confidant: Vertroueling
Privilege: Voordeel
Desk: Lessenaar
Relationship: Verhouding
Expectations:
Degree: Graad
Activist: Aktivis
Teaching: Onderwys
Heritage: Herkoms
Kalk Bay: Kalkbaai
Burial: Begrafnis
Dead: Oorlede
Artistic: Kunstig
Meet: Ontmoet
Internal conflict: Innerlike konflik
Lift: Rygeleentheid
Rocist: Rassities
Responds: Reageer

*Gabriel and Sasha were NOT trying to kill themselves.

Chapter 1: (page 5)

The Ouma and aunt lives with them. Gabriel is 15 years old.

He is in grade 10- winter (2 days before the June holidays)

Gabriel abuses the fact that he has a smart friend and copies Roberts
homework every day- but knows to make a few mistakes so it seems like he
did the homework himself.

Robert is an all-rounder: he is gifted, extremely talented in math, science and

chess (intellectual things), tennis, he is a long distance athlete and he plays
guitar in a band. He is described as well-balanced (goed gebalanseerd)
The girls like him and he is attractive (but he is really short)

Gabriel: not gifted, seen as a sad loner (especially since his mom died). He
tries to make up reasons why he is a loner- he’s an only child.

He is mixed blood (gemengde bloed)- black mom, white dad

Even in his race he feels isolated (geisuleerd) - he has a different lifestyle
compared to them. He thinks his privilege makes him different to other
coloured people. Because of his parents, he grew up learning about political
racial issues and so he is aware of his privilege. (Lives in a nice big house and
a good school)
Feels isolated in his school because he knows what is going on in the country
and no one else cares- they just care about drinking and partying.
*privilege: voorreg

He writes because his therapist told him to- asked him to write about his
feelings. He says what he is angry about: his mothers death, his father
(because it was his fault), the universe, at himself
Therapist asks if he’s not also sad- Gabriel says he wont answer the question
because if he speaks he’ll cry. He is sad. He’s realised it is easier to deal with
anger than sadness.

He compares himself to a gardener- he loves to write but as soon as he has

to filter what he writes he feels like a gardener being forced not to plant
flowers. He doesn’t like censoring out swear words, inappropriate things,
slang, etc.

He loves and respects his granny- he is fascinated by her- description: tiny,

wrinkly, half-hobbit. She doesn’t understand technology (phones)- but she
watches all the bad shows on TV all day.
He ends up writing about everything but his emotions and what happened
the day of the accident. (Avoiding)- he’s not ready to face his emotions.

He says he is sad. He shows his sadness as anger. He is confused about

who he is, where he fits in, his identity. But what he does know is he doesn’t
discriminate. He says how he is screwed in a world like this because he is
coloured (doesn’t fit in anywhere) but at least he isn’t racist, misogynist,
sexist or homophobic.
Hes not an outsider because of his anger- he has always been an outsider.
He blames it on what he looks like- tall, skinny, coloured

Helen says he looks like Stromae- a Belgium rapper

Has a memory of his mom- remembers the blood of his mom when the
accident happened. He cuts his arm with a pocket knife (homself gesny) -
(selfskending- self harm)- he says its because he wanted to see if mixed
blood meant his blood looked different to others.
When he did it and saw his blood he could confirm it looks and smells like his
moms. (Realised mixed-blood had to do with skin colour)
This is the reason he was sent to Doc Diana- he was caught cutting himself.
He claimed he didn’t want to kill himself- he just wanted to see what colour
his blood was.

Learn about his school- mom wanted to send him to an English private
school- dad said no because he wanted him to go to an Afrikaans school and
it’s not a normal school. His dad thinks if he went to an english private school
he wouldn’t be able to cope with the realities of South Africa.
Dad is a professor of law at an English university in Cape Town (very proud of
his Afrikaans roots- listens to classical music)

Dad had a nervous breakdown and had been admitted to a clinic. He doesn’t
want to go visit his dad at the clinic- he cuts himself off and doesn’t want to
be involved.

He stops writing about his feelings and plays video games instead. He says
he likes “South Park- The stick of truth” because it gets him away from reality
and it makes him laugh- not many things can still make him laugh.

The mom studied art- her favourite thing to do was illustrate children’s books.
Only his mom knew he wrote poems. He didn’t go around bragging about
writing poems but then he found out about rap and how it was cool to rap
and write poems that could be used for rap.

Gangs in the cape flats- deal drugs and shoot each other.

Chapter 2: (page 18)

Tannie Lotta- nurse- big and crying

Ouma Lenie- crying a little less
They are forcing him to cry by watching a sad movie- but it’s them trying to
help him process his mom’s death. They think making him cry will help him
express his feelings and process better.
They bribe him to watch the movie by offering him Fudge.
The funeral scene in the movie upsets him- makes him think of his mother’s
funeral. Everything he is trying not to think of hurts.
In their family, usually the men died younger and the women much older so
this sudden passing of the mother was a shock.
Gabriel wants to get up and stop watching the movie- Ouma Lenie convinces
him to stay.

Important: Funeral past memory (page 21)

The funeral: His mother was cremated (veras)- didn’t have a grave.
Remembers snippets of the day- it was hot, nice weather (in December)
Everyone was wearing dark colours (black) and crying. He and his dad didn’t
cry. On the day he thought it would be the saddest day of his life- but he
realises his saddest days were when he started to mourn after the funeral.

It’s been 6 months since his mother passed.

What he knows is that movie has nothing on reality- reality is worse.
He realises he can get through the movie without crying because he’s seen
worse.

Chapter 3: (page 23)

Gabriel doesn’t like that he has to do to therapy every Friday- i guess that’s
what i get for playing around with a knife. Helen asks him why doesn’t do
make friends with the other patients.

Makes assumptions and judges the other children that see the therapist-
doesn’t group himself with them even though he is apart of that group. He
says most of her patients have eating disorders, compulsive obsessive
disorders, some are addicted to drugs and some have tried to commit
suicide- all look very damaged and depressed.

He doesn’t want to join group sessions because then he’ll have to admit he is
in the same situation. He distances himself from them.

Doc Diana asks him what makes him happy and he says slam poetry. But
that was before his mother’s death. Mom introduced him to slam poetry-
Helen convinced him to try it out. He always liked rap music- both parents
didn’t but his mom was more open minded- she just didn’t like the vulgar
language and sexism and homophobia.

One of the township men his mom gave free art lessons to invited her to a
monthly slam poetry in a bar on Longstreet.
(Mom is an artist)

His mom tries to get Gabriel to go with her but he doesn’t think it’s cool to be
seen in public with his mom. She eventually convinced him and that’s where
he met Helen. He knew her from school as an older nerd- never seen her out
of a school uniform. At the slam poetry night- only girl that performed. She
was barefoot, with ripped jeans and rings. She had golden brown curly hair.
When she performs- she has a sexy voice.

Helen (looks like Janis Joplins younger sister)- very platonic friendship (Helen
is very uninterested in him romantically and so they always just stay friends)-
is pretty but her looks don’t make Gabriel nervous.

Gabriel’s mom recognises the resemblance to Janis Joplin- she loves her
music. She cheered the loudest when Helen had finished her performance.

Gabriel mentioned Helen went to his school and his mom jumped at the
opportunity to meet her and introduce Gabriel to her. Gabriel tries to resist
and stop her but she invites Helen over to their table. He realised it wouldn’t
be romantic and in minutes they were talking like they’d know each other for
ever. They become friends and his mom mentions that he writes poems-
Helen says he must show her someday- he isn’t keen on the idea.

A few days later when Helen approached Gabriel he didn’t recognise her in
her uniform and tight braid- until she mentioned how he must show her his
poems. Robert looked confused.

First rhyme he shows Helen- “Jy se, ek se”. When he handed it to her she
said he had to recite it for her. (Say it out loud) They were at a coffee shop full
of people on Kloofstraat. She says they can go to the park for more privacy.
Gabriel doesn’t want to be seen by anyone at school reciting a poem- will
embarrass him. He doesn’t like orals or public speaking.
Helen convinces him by the time they get to the park. Helen is determined-
once she gets an idea in her head. Helen tells Gabriel how his mom would tell
her how he used to win eisteddfod prizes at primary school. Helen
compliments Gabriels awkwardness.

They sit under a tree where no one can see, Helen jokes about Gabriel being
worried about his reputation. She says how she’s not into younger guys, or
any guys for that matter. (She is gay) Gabriel wishes he could go back to that
day in the park with Helen.

He managed to recite the poem for her. She thinks he has a lot of talent and
just needs to work on how to perform- he is shy and not used to performing.
He felt like there was hope at that moment. He wishes he could go back to
that day because soon after that everything fell apart.

No one really knows him at school- he’s not popular (awkward and shy) He
would never raise his hand in class. He was just another nerd with too many
pimples.

Chapter 4: (page 35)

*Gabriel goes to Doc Diana on Fridays

Gabriel goes to therapy (terapie). He thinks he’s at the wrong place because
instead of there being “overweight losers and anorexic girls” there’s girls that
look like models. Gabriel sees Sasha for the first time- he describes her as
Snow White. (Black hair, white skin, red lips)

He sits and pretends to play on his phone while staring at her. Sasha is
wearing a boyfriend shirt which he thinks hides things- he thinks she
definitely has a boyfriend.

Doc Diana invites him in- he asks if Sasha is one of her patients- she tells him
to go to the group sessions to find out.
Doc Diana wears glasses to match her clothes and mood- today she’s
wearing green glasses.
She tells him she hasn’t convinced Sasha to go to the group sessions either
but that he should try convince her to go with him when he decides to go.
They talk about Gabriel, he tells her about what he recently wrote- it’s about
Helen van Helsdingen and slam poetry. She mentions that the story connects
to Gabriel’s mom and he becomes frustrated at this. She wants to hear the
rest of the story, he says it doesn’t have a happy ending and she tells him he
doesn’t know the ending yet.

Sasha was still outside when he finished his session- she looked sad. He
confronts her and asks her what she’s doing at therapy. He’s confused why
she’s still there- he doesn’t like hanging around there. She sarcastically said
she liked being there- he admired her.
She said she was waiting for her mom to remember her and come fetch her-
when her mom cannot cope anymore, she hangs up the phone, takes pills
and sleeps like she’s in a coma.

He suggests she takes a taxi, at first she thinks he means an uber and says
her card was blocked, but then he says an actual taxi. She says “a black
taxi?”- Gabriel hopes she’s not racist else he will have no chance- he laughs
at the fact that he thought he had a chance in the beginning.

He recently started using taxis because there’s no one to drive him- dead
mom, broken dad, Grandma Lenie can’t drive and Lotta works all day and
night as a matron at a nursing home. Lotta doesn’t think it’s safe enough but
it’s safer than him not going to therapy.

She asks how it works and he says he can go with her now and show her so
she knows for next time. He lies and says he’s going to same direction when
really he needs to go the opposite direction. They didn’t talk much on the
taxi- too noisy and too much chaos.

Sasha goes to an English private school (the one his dad didn’t want to send
him to because he wouldn’t learn how to deal with realities of the country
which he now understands by looking at Sasha.)

They get out the taxi at Sasha’s stop and she is smiling, he is lost for words
when he sees her smile. He wants to ask her why she goes to Dok Diana. He
tells Sasha he goes to therapy because his mom died, he blames his father
and he thinks his father thinks so too because he is now in a clinic being
treated for PTSD. His grandmother and aunt look after him. (Gabriel harmed
himself with a knife- his family thinks it was a suicide attempt- he doesn’t
think so)

Sasha’s reason for going to therapy: Her dad left her mom for a very young
woman. Her mom started cracking- she no longer leaves the house (she
drinks sleeping pills all day and shops a lot all night- only shops online now-
thinks she is trying to get through to her dad through his credit cards)-
revenge through shopping.

Gabriel quotes part of a poem and Sasha recognises it and says she loves
the writer, she turns out to know a lot about poetry. She doesn’t invite him in
because if her mother wakes up she’ll have to explain about the taxi and her
mom will go on about her dad leaving.

They have a conversation about Shakespeare outside her house. He tells her
he writes and performs slam poetry- she asks him to perform something for
her. He stresses about not impressing her. He makes a good excuse- have to
get to know each other a little better before exposing himself. He goes
home-thinks about her the whole way. He is looking forward to his session
next Friday so he can see Sasha again

Chapter 5: (page 49)

Sunday afternoon, raining, the house is quiet and Gabriel is trying to write a
poem. He puts on his headphones to get rid of the silence. Ouma Lenie and
Lotta went to visit his dad. They take him a chocolate cake. They try to
convince him to come with- they are unsuccessful.
Ouma Lenie is stuck in the previous century- she refuses to use a bank card
and can’t draw money from an ATM- she refuses to learn.

Lotta has no husband or children- is Gabriel’s second mother. She works at a

nursing home. She can be angry when she wants to be- her bark is bigger
than her bite. Gabriel isn’t ready to confront his father. It’s been 6 months
since the accident.

He was distracted the whole session with Doc Diana- was thinking of how to
get Sasha’s phone number. Although he knew she was out of his league-
probably already has a boyfriend and thinks that she would find it weird for
him to call her.

Helen is a big fan of this British girl with blue eyes who writes poems like she
is a thousand years old (she looks 14). Helen gave Gabriel a list of rappers to
listen to- he watched a few YouTube videos to make her happy. He became
interested. Helen becomes his poetry “trainer”

They practiced together in the park near the tennis courts- sound of balls
against rackets- used for rhythm, later in mother’s apartment in Tam
boerskloof near the school. Helen’s father lives in milnerton- she stays with
him and his second wife and children every other weekend- she doesn’t like
it- she wrote a poem called “collateral damage” about her parents divorce.

Helen usually writes in English so audiences in Cape clubs can understand

her, she is excited that Gabriel writes in Afrikaans. (Cape mix of languages)
Helen is gay and she doesn’t try to hide it, she doesn’t care what other
people think or say about her. Helen teaches Gabriel about performance
poetry but also honesty and courage.
Helen invites Gabriel to a poetry jam in stellenbosch- not a competition, more
like musicians jamming together in front of audience, happens mainly in
Afrikaans.

Helen and Gabriel talk about going to a bar after, Gabriel is worried but Helen
tells him to just wear a hoodie and stay far from bartenders. He says he can’t
just wear makeup to look older like girls do- she laughs.
Nina (Helen’s sister) will take them back to the club after- Nina isn’t interested
in poetry, only boys. On way back, Gabriel told Helen this was where he was
going to perform for the first time.

Helen helped him practice everyday for weeks. She invited Gabriel’s mom to
the next poetry jam in stellenbosch - Gabriel told her she couldn’t come. He
didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of her. He explained and she
laughed it off and said she’d come watch when he feels more confident.

When he did it- it felt indescribable (onbeskryflik gevoel), the audience loved
him- they went crazy with the applause. They asked for more- he was
unprepared so he gave them a rough cut of a rhyme inspired by an old Led
Zeppelin LP of his dad’s- “dazed and confused”
Helen stood proudly in the back, he regretted telling his mom she couldn’t
come.
Two weeks later Gabriel’s mom died. He is consumed by regret and guilt
because he didn’t give her a chance to be proud of her only child for once in
her life.

Chapter 6 (page 60)

It’s the holidays- 1 week long. The holidays are dragging on for Gabriel while
he waits for Friday so he can see Sasha again. It’s been raining most of the
holidays. He feels bad for Helen who is in the Kruger with her dad and his
family- she isn’t enjoying it.

Helen suggests to do a skool-slam for poetry after the successful

stellenbosch one. She let it go when his mom died but she’s started
mentioning it recently. Gabriel isn’t keen but Helen has already organised it
and chose a date so he feels a lot of pressure.

Gabriel is constantly writing, the words keep coming to him, but he doesn’t
think he’ll ever be able to perform again in front of people- a lot of things have
happened since the last time he performed (mother died)

Gabriel and Robert are playing video games at his house. Robert is not
allowed to play games at home- he has strict parents so he comes to Gabriel
a lot. There were rules in his house but when his mom died there weren’t any
more rules.
Ouma Lenie knocks on the door and comments on the rain. She says she
made pancakes and the boys run to the kitchen. Roberts parents are not
good at cooking. Robert calls his parents useless because they can’t cook-
he realises how awkward he made the situation because Gabriels mom is
dead and his dad is dysfunctional. They go quiet- Gabriel breaks the silence
(he talks about his parents- he can’t pretend for the rest of his life that he’s
never had parents)
Gabriel’s house- colourful and chaotic (every wall is a different colour), the
kitchen has blood red walls, stacks of books everywhere, lots of pictures of
naked people, lots of books.

Parents previous lives and childhood:

(It was a different time when they were growing up)- they couldn’t do a lot of
things together because mother was black and father was white.

Father: privileged white farm boy from the Free State. When they were poor-
he was still privileged because he was white. He was lucky because he had
educational opportunities as his 2 brothers wanted to take over the farm so
he had a choice.
Mother: she was the youngest of 5 children of a fisherman from Kalk Bay. She
had no choices, her father and oldest brother disappeared on a boat in a
storm, her mother had to work for white people. She studied at a ‘brown’
university- only place she could get a scholarship. Couldn’t study art like she
wanted to- had to study teaching.

Ouma Lenie (Gabriels moms mom)- blames The Struggle (Apartheid)

Her youngest sons, Vincent, died while fighting the struggle- he was caught
by police and died in a prison cell. That is why Gabriel’s mom, Gloria, ended
up in the Struggle.
Gloria used to not be interested in politics, more interested in music and
partying, when Vincent became a Stuggle hero and then died- the
responsibility fell onto her shoulders (was expected from her).
Father was a lecturer, mother was a student- they meet at the same protest
meetings.

Gabriel goes to get a picture off the fridge of his parents from the 80’s to
show Robert, but he realises its no longer there. Ouma Lenie says Lotta took
them off because Gabriels dad was staring at them and it just made him
sadder.
Mother had a wild Afro, father had long black hair and a beard. His father is
now nearly bald.

Robert tells Gabriel he is lucky, for the second time, because Robert’s
parents were never part of the Struggle. Gabriel didn’t feel lucky.
They continue eating pancakes and Gabriel receives a message from Helen-
something about the school slam poetry thing.

Chapter 7 (page 71)

Gabriel is writing a poem about his mother’s language.

Helen has been wanting to start a club at school for performance poetry
(slam poetry). No one was interested enough to join the club. Only Gabriel
and Helen are in the club. Gabriel is sarcastic about them being the only 2
members in a club- how they can be chairman and vice chairman.

Helen tells Gabriel to stop being negative. She thinks there are some people
she can talk into joining- but they are all already very busy.
Gabriel keeps making jokes- Helen gets serious.
Helen talks about a guy named Marc Kelly Smith who held the first poetry
slam at the “Get Me High Club” in Chicago. There were only a few people in
the audience who had nothing better to do. But people slowly joined. It
started trending and more people joined and people started slam poetry in
other cities. Now, 30 years later, people line up for hours to see slam poetry
performances.

Gabriel makes the joke that he doesn’t want to wait 30 years- Helen was
determined- nothing would stop her.

He said he would start with “moedertaal” (mother language)- a purer poem so

that the audience (people who were being exposed to slam poetry for the first
time) would reassure and interest them. “First gentle knock out of their socks
with his usual mixed language”
He wants to add a few swear words- irresistible.

Helen was excited about Gabriels new rhyme- mother language. She decided
to also write something in Afrikaans for the school slam. There was no date
decided- we were the only people who would perform, be judges and be the
audience.
She was so excited she even wanted them to practice during the summer
vacation- however she had to spend the first part of the holiday in Milnerton
with her dad.

Gabriel asked his mom to drive him to Helen’s father’s house in Milnerton so
that they could practice and plan their “Living Poets Society”- the club. This
was how his mother died- there was no later.

Accident: On the way to Helen’s house, Gloria died in a car accident. He

didn’t want to talk about it but it came up anyways. Gabriel said he didn’t
want to know anything about dead or living poets. He blamed himself and
Helen for some things and he thinks if he had never become interested in
slam poetry and if he had never met Helen- she would still be alive. His mom
died because he wanted to help hold a poetry slam at his school. She wasn’t
concentrating on the traffic that morning because she was angry with
Gabriels dad- they fought because he once again remained silent.

He finishes the poem- Mothers language.

Chapter 8 (page 77)

It was Friday, the first rainless day of the week- Gabriel saw this as a good
sign. Gabriel takes a long time to get dressed for his session with Doc Diana.
He fixes his hair with gel, decides whether he looks cooler with or without a
hoodie and then realises how much he misses his mom. His mother would
have given him advice on what looked best.

He rinses off the gel and puts his hoodie on. He realises if it came down to
looks, he didn’t stand a chance with Sasha. He’d attract her more with his
personality or brains or poetry.

He gets to Doc Diana early to make sure he doesn’t miss Sasha. She is still in
session with Doc Diana so he puts in his earphones and listens to music
while he waits. The door opened and Sasha walked out. She looked even
more beautiful than he remembered. She didn’t smile at Gabriel when she
saw him, he understood- you don’t always feel like smiling after a session
with Doc Diana.
Doc D said to give her a few mins before the session with Gabriel. Gabriel
asks Sasha if her mom is fetching her or if she wants to take a taxi again.
Sasha smiles, and says yes but she doesn’t want to sit and wait in the waiting
room. They agree to meet at a cafe- Singing Kettle- after Gabriels session.

Gabriel struggles to concentrate in the session. He comments about how

beige and boring the office is. Doc D was wearing retro 1950s glasses with
sharp points on the sides. Gabriel reads her the next chapter of his story. He
names it “The short rise and sharp fall of a performance poet”. Doc D says it’s
not the fall that matters, it’s the getting up and she tells him to not put
pressure on himself and he must wait until he feels like getting up. Gabriel
doesn’t understand how they can expect him to one day wake up and think
everything is perfect.

On the way to the singing kettle Gabriel decides he wants to for her number
and her name. He knows he’ll probably get cold feet when asking for her
number but if he has her name he can try to find her on social media. Her
username would have relation to her real name. He doesn’t want to ask her
directly what her username is because then she might think he wants to
become one of her many virtual friends, which is not what he wants.

When he gets to the cafe, Sasha is sitting with a cup of tea in a sunspot by
the window. She looked out the window in deep thought. She must have
been getting hot because she pulled up her sleeves. As Gabriel walked up to
her he saw all the scars on her left arm (from self harm). The left arm was
worse than the right arm although both had scars.

She noticed Gabriel and then put her arms under the table, pulled her sleeves
down and continued to look out the window. Gabriel sat down across from
her, his legs shacking. He sits there and says nothing. He’s angry with himself
because him being quiet and looking away reminds him of his father. He
builds up the courage to talk to Sasha.

First he orders a cappuccino. Sashas tea goes cold as she stares out the
window. Gabriel tells her he did it too. He’s never told anyone this, not even
Doc D. To him it was just a game that got out of hand and that it was an
accident. Sasha doesn’t look at him. He says- I also do self-mutilation. She
turns to him and says it’s not self-mutilation, it’s self-injury.
Sasha explains the difference between self-mutilation and self-injury. Self
mutilation is considered an art form- when you mutilate your body so that you
can display it and other people can look at them like a painting. Self-injury is
when you scar yourself by cutting yourself, or burning yourself with a
cigarette, etc. You do it because you want to hurt yourself. You hid it from
others, because they’ll try to stop you from doing it but you can’t live without
it.

She raised her hands from under the table and gesturing so wildly she almost
knocked over her tea. They both grab the shacking cup and their fingers
touch, for a second before they pull their hands away.

She asks if Gabriel understands the difference, then tells him to show her his
scars. (This is the first time she used his name). Gabriel is confused- she says
he’s seen hers so he must show her his. He pulls up his sleeve and says how
he only did it once or twice because he got caught by his aunt. (Caught red
handed- pun)

Sasha smiles although she doesn’t seem impressed with the few pinkish
scars on his arm. He did it weeks ago, he didn’t cut deep and it was a clean
knife so it healed nicely- unlike the mess on her arms.

She asks if he never had an irresistible urge to do it again and he said he

convinced himself it was a stupid game. His family believes it was a suicide
attempt. He says he didn’t know what he was trying to do but he wasn’t
trying to kill himself.

She says he is lucky. She says she doesn’t want to kill herself either but she
is worried of an accident, that her hand will slip and cut too deep and how
the fear only makes it more unbearable. “I’m dazed on confused” he says
because he doesn’t know how to comfort her. She asks if it’s one of his
poems and he says it’s a rhyme.

He recites the full poem to Sasha. It’s the first time he had recited something
he wrote t someone else in months. Sasha looked a little comforted and even
more impressed.
Chapter 9 (page 88)

Gabriel and his father fight a lot, they dont fight anymore because they dont
talk anymore since his mother died. Gabriels mother said it was normal for a
teenage son and father to not get along (the so-called Oedipus complex).
Oedipus was a Greek guy whose story he googled about and started writing
a rhyme about.

Oedipus had a horrible life. He didnt know he was killing his father, he
thought it was just a stranger. When he marries the “sexy widow” (doesn’t
know it’s his mother- she gave him away at brith) They are cursed and to
break it Oedipus must kill his wife’s ex-husband.

Gabriel’s father never listened to or read his rhymes and poems. He didn’t like
Gabriels “mixed language”. Gabriel often argued with him about how middle
class and boring his father’s life had become- how he lost his principles and
his hair. Gloria makes a joke about how the dad and Gabriel are fighting to be
alpha male of the house.

*Oedipus was the investigator of the crime- he realised he was the one who
committed the crime, that it was his father that he killed, that he married and
had children with his mother and that he is his children’s oldest brother.
Oedipuses mother/wife committed suicide. As self punishment he gouged his
eyes out and entered the world blind.*

Gabriel struggled to understand his father- how he could change from a

young revolutionary with a beard and a heart into an old professor with no
hair and no heart.

Gabriel remembers this one argument (of the many they had) where his
parents were talking about the Struggle (Apartheid) and he asked why his
mom was in prison and not his dad. They were eating his mom’s famous
penne carbonara. Gloria said she was never really in jail, just was thrown into
vans at protests and detained a few times but never in jail thanks to Gabriel’s
dad. (He was white and Gloria was black)

Gabriel asked if his mom was always in trouble because she had more guts
and his mom said how Gabriels dad had more guts to protest than she did.
He had more to lose, she had no rights and nothing to lose. Gerrit lost family
and friends. Gabriel asked where his dads guts were now- he’s the most
comfortable he’s ever been (a professor at a university that attends
international conferences and gives speeches about democracy and human
rights but what does he actually do?

His dad asks him what he expects him to do and Gabriel just asks him what
happened to his anger for the injustice, it never seems to upset him anymore.
His dad says his mom is right, she’s always angry about the injustice. His
mom says life’s not easy for those who wear their emotions on their sleeves-
you have to learn to control your emotions.

“Not if it means im going to be like dad” Gabriel says. He never takes sides
with anything or anyone. Gabriels mom says how this makes him good at his
job, hardly anything is black and white and his dad is always able to see the
grey. Gabriel disagrees, he thinks if you don’t take a stand and take sides
you’re a coward.

Gabriels view: his father was an old white Afrikaans man who was threatened
by his own son of “mixed blood”. The fact that he was coloured and mixed
language was Gabriels two “sins”. Gabriels mother would keep them together
and help them get along. After she died there was nothing holding them
together anymore.

Chapter 10 (page 96)

Gabriel and Sasha had exchanged numbers when they were at the Singing
Kettle. Gabriel wanted to call her but he couldn’t gather up the courage to do
it. He kept going through the conversation in his head but it never ended
right. He thinks about what question to ask her. He now knows she doesn’t
have a permanent boyfriend (she says it’s complicated at the moment), so he
could ask her to the movies or for dinner somewhere. He thought if he ever
met this so-called not permanent boyfriend- he would beat him up for hurting
Sasha.

He realises he can’t ask her on a date. He decides he’ll ask her what her last
name is, but first he has to muster up the courage to call her. But she calls
him first instead. Sasha asked Gabriel how he was doing- he says he’s good
but is wondering what her last name is (it came out all wrong)- they joke
about how it might be a step to far.

He says his is Lombard and she says hers is Weiss (German for white)- she
can’t speak German. Gabriel lived in Berlin when he was very young. His
father was there for sabbatical- he still remembers a few words. Sasha says
how Gabriel never ceases to amaze her. Gabriel tells her how he called her
Snow White before he knew her name and she laughed and said you’ve never
called me that! He tells her he referred to her as Snow White when he thought
about her- he made it sound like he thought about her all the time.

He quickly changed the subject- says its funny how her surname is white and
how its a white last name and hows she’s white. They talk for a long time. He
feels comfortable talking to her and says it’s easy to event talk about things
he doesn’t talk about with Doc D or Helen- like “feelings” and his
complicated relationship with his father. She doesn’t just listen, she talks too-
about her father and his very young bride and her out of control mother. They
talk about how hard it is being an only child and being left with one parent
who isn’t okay.

He thinks about how they appear so different physically but they have a lot
more in common than he would have guessed. He says it’s not just the scars,
they are both scared in other ways- it’s a relief for them to be able to talk
about the scars. He tells her about Helen and the poetry performance she is
organising at the school and Sasha says she’s wants to see him and she’ll
come watch Gabriel perform.

Sasha tells Gabriel he can practice with her and she says she really means it.
She wants to see him perform. She suggests he can go to her house next
Friday and he says yes before she can even finish. Sasha says maybe it’ll
make her mom so happy that she brought someone home that she’ll get up
and come greet Gabriel- Sasha hasn’t brought anyone home in a long time
because she is embarrassed of her mother. She jokes that Gabriel mustn’t
run away when he meets her mom- they laugh.

Sasha’s parents used to fight a lot. It makes Gabriel sad to think of Sasha all
alone in the big house on the mountain with her mother and father shouting
at each other. When they finally said goodbye, Gabriel was so excited he got
out his laptop and started writing a rhyme- about Snow White and how there
was no prince to save her in this story.

He writes the rhyme- he’s knows it’s just the beginning and that there are
more versions to come. The excitement that he’ll perform it for Sasha makes
him feel like he’s flying.

Chapter 11 (page 105)

Gabriel says he still can’t talk about his mother’s death but he can talk about
what happened after it. His dad turned into a zombie. As if he died in the car
accident with his mother but his body remained here. In February when the
new university year started he went back to teaching- Gabriel couldn’t
understand how. He thinks its because he wanted to be away front the house
that reminded him of his dead wife.

At home he was useless as a father. He couldn’t talk to Gabriel, cook for him
or even eat with him. There were no more meal times or bed times, nothing
was normal anymore. His father avoids him like he has a nasty contagious
disease. His father would leave the room when Gabriel entered it, his father
couldn’t touch him or even look at him.

He refused to let Ouma Lenie and Lotta come stay with them so they’d just
drop off bags of groceries every few days and pack Tupperware full of
homemade food to put in the freezer. It couldn’t go on like that- the bin was
never emptied and you could smell sour milk and mouldy bread in the
kitchen. Gabriel got used to the smell and the mess- he couldn’t remember
what a normal house looked like. Lotta told Ouma Lenie they had to take
Gabriel to look after him- his father was incapable to looking after him.
Gabriel couldn’t take care of himself. They thought about giving them a bit
more time to fix it but Gabriel knew it would just be more of a mess if he went
to live with them.

They live far from school, his friends and everything that he was sued too.
Although he didn’t have many friends (only Robert and Helen)- he would
constantly be bored. Robert is easier to get along with than Helen- he doesn’t
expect them to talk. They can sit and play call of duty or Fable II for hours on
end and they’ll barely talk to each other. Gabriels not sure if it’s because he’s
a boy or because he’s a genius that prefers numbers over words. Ever since
Ouma Lenie came to live with Gabriel, Robert is even more satisfied (it means
pancakes)

Helen is sometimes difficult and always wants to talk. Sometimes Gabriel just
wants to be left alone and forget about performance poetry. She tells Gabriel
this is because he doesn’t want to be reminded of his mother but he will just
be more unhappy if he stops doing something he loves (performance poetry)

Four months after the accident, lotta moved in with them. She caught Gabriel
with the knife trying to cut himself. Robert and Helen didn’t know about this-
they were told he had to go to Doc Diana because is head was falling out.
Helen says she hopes Doc Diana can help and that he will start doing poetry
again soon.

Five months after the accident, Helen invited Gabriel to a poetry slam and he
was too tired to resist it any longer so he agreed. The slam was held in the
same bar in Long Street that his mother dragged him to the first time- the
night he met Helen. Gabriel thought that maybe he needed the confrontation
to get all the repressed rhymes boiling in him again (the fact that it was the
same place). It was the first time in months that he felt like performing again.
Not that night, he still had a long way to go, but for the first time since his
mom died he was the light at the end of the tunnel.

Helen won against two slammer who had much more experience than her.
Helen was very happy. Gabriel wasn’t happy when he got home that night but
he say there was a possibility of happiness in the future. That was the night
he heard a strange sound as he walked past his father’s study. Oma Lenie
and Lotta were already in bed, it was dark but he could see a faint line of light
shining under the study door. He thought if it was burglars, they’d have
turned on the light- he put his head against the door but couldn’t hear any
movement- just a sound that scared him.

It sounded like someone was being strangled. He took out his phone and
found the security company’s number and was ready to press it if he needed
to. He opened the door and he couldn’t see his father. He walked up to the
desk and saw his dad on the floor under the desk curled up in a foetus
position, with his body twitching and him crying.
No one should see their father in that state and it was a sight Gabriel never
forgot. Gabriel tried to touch him and talk to him but it wouldn’t work. He
woke lotta and she called an ambulance and they took him away on a
stretcher- from the hospital to the five star clinic where he was being treated.
This night he must be cursed by performance poetry- after his first time on
stage his mother died, and months later the first time he felt like performing
again- his father cracked.

Chapter 12 (page 114)

Sasha’s mom had really white skin. She was very pale. She looked very sad,
faded and stoned- she had an addiction to sleeping pills. Gabriel was at
Sasha’s house and it was all very pale, shiny and modern- few pieces of
furniture. Gabriels house was colourful and crowded. Sasha introduces
Gabriel and says he’s a good African boy- he thinks she says it ironically or to
reassure her mom he’s a good guy. Her mother’s face shows no sign of
disgust or disappointment, but not joy either.

She told him to call her Bibi with a smile, and she shook his hand. She asks
how they got to know each other- both Sasha and Gabriel start lying. Sasha
says they met at a party through a friend of a friend. Gabriel is worried if the
mom knows they met because they both go to Doc Diana, that she wont
want her unstable daughter to have an unstable friend. He does worry one
day she might go pick Sasha up from Doc D and see them together.

Bibi invites us to get coke or pizza or whatever we want from the fridge and
then she floats away. Sasha says she’s probably going back to bed. They go
to the kitchen and Gabriel says that they don’t look like enough- he regrets
saying that. She says she has her dad’s dark hair and eyes. She takes out
chicken and avocado pizzas and asks if he wants it heated up- he says he
likes it cold. She said she also liked it cold.

They sit on high bar stools and eat the pizza. Sasha says that the trait she got
from her mom was very pale white skin (calls it vampire skin that’s afraid of
the sun). Gabriel jokes about how he doesn’t have vampire skin- he says he
got everything from his mom (hair, skin, etc.) Sasha asks if Gabriels mom was
as tall as him- he said no, she was short. He says his father is tall but
Gabriel’s already taller than him.

Sasha asks if Gabriel has a picture of his mom, Gabriel thinks it might be
uncool to show pictures of your mom when you’re trying to impress a girl but
Sasha seems interested and he hasn’t learned to say no to her yet. So he
pulls out his phone and looks through his camera roll. It hits him that this is
the only way he’ll ever be able to introduce a girl to his mom- through photos
on a screen. He shows her a photo that makes him smile- a photo of his mom
and dad years before they had him. They are leaving against each other and
are laughing and look happy.

Sasha said the retro look was so cool and said she’s been looking for a free
Mandela T-shirt forever. Gabriel says he can ask his Oma if she still has it.
Sasha says no, but thank you and she touches his hand. The next photo is
his family at the beach when he was six and was still quite cute. Sasha says
his mom is pretty, Gabriel said his dad would say she had a very big mouth,
literally and figuratively.

The last picture is his mom in front of table mountain. It was taken days
before the accident, when her hair was in small tight curls. He tells Sasha it’s
his favourite picture of his mom, probably because it’s the last one he’ll ever
have. Sasha said nothing and squeezed my hand.

She asked why he is so angry with his father. He says it’s a long story but on
the day his mother died, they fought but it actually started long before that
day. She would be angry at him when he kept quiet when someone would do
or say something he didn’t like- his mom could never get it. Gabriel was
worried he’d start crying but he carried on telling her anyways. His mother
couldn’t keep quiet, especially when it was about injustice and someone else
was suffering.

Sasha can see Gabriel is struggling to find his words but she patiently waits
for him to continue. He tells her that they were all together in the car and
something happened. He says how he still can’t talk about it or think about it
without crying. Sasha says that he doesn’t need to tell her now and that he
can next time. She tells him to come so she can show him the games room
where he can practice for the school slam.
It’s a very big room with pool in the one corner and table tennis in the other.
He still hasn’t learnt to say no to her. First he performs “Dazed and confused”
for her with all the movements and voice connotations. He then does “You
say, i say” (his oldest rhyme). He says he hasn’t know Sasha long but he has
seen many emotions flash across her pretty face (both happy and sad
emotions).

She stands there mouth wide open and says wow Gabriel!! You never cease
to amaze me! He then does his newest poem, the one he is writing for her,
called Snow White learns to swim. It’s about how she lives in a nice house
but has a horrible life and how she doesn’t believe anyone is going to come
“save her”. It comments on how she cuts herself, hides it and no one realises.

Sasha looked at Gabriel with admiration. She says his name with excitement
and then says she wants to be his coach. He tells her Helen is his coach but
she explains that if Helen is also participating in the school slam, she can’t be
his coach because they’ll be competing against each other- he mocks her
and asks what she knows about performance poetry and she responds that
she knows about performance and she knows about poetry. She tries to
persuade him and tells him how she’s been taking drama classes for years
and how she wants to be an actress.

Gabriel tells her how she never ceases to amaze him. She tells him she is
definitely qualified to help him and she smiles again. He thinks she is
breathtaking. He then agrees and smiles, like he hasn’t smiled since his mom
died.

Chapter 13 (page 126)

(The day that changed everything.

Gabriel hasn’t spoken about what happened on the day his mom died. He
just speaks to Doc D about random things, and what has happened before
and after that day; but he has avoided speaking about that day for months.

Gabriels dad is coming home from the mental clinic in the next few days.
Ouma Lenie and Lotta say that he is getting better. That he has gained
weight, eats and sleeps normally, shaves in the mornings and exercises in the
clinic’s gym. He even smiles and makes jokes now. He is now a normal
person and no longer a zombie.
Gabriel thinks about how if his dad actually becomes his father again, they’ll
have to do a lot of dad-son bonding things. (Hiking, watching rugby). Gabriel
feels like he can’t breathe just thinking about being alone with his father.

Lotta says they’ll stay for a while, until his dad has adjusted. Gabriel can see
she cant wait to move back into her own place in Observatory where her and
Ouma Lenie used to live. She is worried that the student looking after her
apartment will forget to water the pot plants or lock the security gate or break
one of her kitsch porcelain animals. Gabriel loved the animals when he was
little. Some she bought when she traveled and some were gifts from friends.
Gabriels parents used to joke about Lotta’s porcelain animals. Gabriel thinks
it’s because his mom got an art degree and became an illustrator and over
the years developed a different idea of what is beautiful.

Gabriel realises he’s avoiding what happened the day his mom died. Gabriel
realises that when Lotta and Ouma Lenie have moved out, he’lll have to ask
his dad for his version of what happened that day.

What happened the day his mom died: its the second week of the summer
holidays, before Christmas. Gabriel needed a lift to Helen’s father’s house in
Milnerton because they wanted to practice for the next poetry slam for the
last time before Helen goes away with her mother for the rest of the holidays.
Gabriel’s dad had fallen off his bike and injured his hand the previous week-
he was training for the Argus. His mom was driving, and his dad was in the
passenger seat. They were driving the moms old rickety car, instead of the
dads newer safer Volvo. If they had been driving the Volvo, they wouldn’t
have had to stop for gas because his dad always keeps the tank full and the
Volvo is a safer car so she might not have died. Gabriels mom wanted to go
Christmas shopping after dropping Gabriel off, but Gabriels dad didn’t want
to- he hates shopping. Gabriel thinks his mom wanted to get his present, but
he never got anything. It was the worst Christmas ever.

When they leave the house, Gloria realises they urgently end petrol- this
makes Gerrit upset because she never fills the tank until the red light starts
flashing. When Gloria turns into a garage to fill the engine, she doesn’t see a
man on a bike on the lane that she crosses. She drives in front of the bike
and the man nearly falls off it. The man is wearing a professional cycling
outfit.

The man becomes very aggressive and upset very quickly. He comes up to
the car window and starts screaming at Gloria calling her stupid and saying
she cant drive. Gabriel takes out his earphones and hears what the man is
saying. Gabriel’s dad puts his hand on Gloria’s leg to comfort her and starts
to say something to the bicyclist but Gloria starts first. Her voice was calm,
which they know, is when she’s at her most dangerous.

Gerrit tells Gloria to leave it and that arguing with him wont help. The bicyclist
calls Gloria an idiot- “all these idiots running the country”. Gerrit tries to
apologise but Gloria explodes. Gloria tries to get out the car to teach him a
lesson but the man is double her height and weight, Gerrit holds her back.
Gloria says she has a problem with his nasty racism, and Gerrit tells her he
hasn’t said anything overly racist yet. The bicyclist says “I knew you were
going to play the racism card, that’s what you people always do”. This
infuriates Gloria. The man just laughs at Gloria. He continues to say that she
will never be white, just a stupid black “b**ch*”.
Gloria is horrified, Gerrit is speechless, but Gabriel undoes his seatbelt and
gets out the car to stand up against the racist man- no one is allowed to
insult his mother. The man jumps on his bike and cycles off pointing the
middle finger at them. Gabriel screams an insult at the man, and the
surrounding car drivers are shocked and amused, and one even cheered for
Gabriel.

They drive off and it is silent in the car. Gerrit tells Gloria to “forget it, love”.
Gloria explodes again. She gets upset that Gerrit didn’t say anything to
defend her when the man was insulting her. Gerrit says “you can’t argue with
people like that, they’re not rational, they’re just angry.” Gloria calls him a
coward. They continue to fight, and she is still shaking with shock. She drives
more carelessly, doesn’t concentrate on the road- only the fight with Gerrit.
Gloria screams “Your son managed to react, Gerrit! Thank goodness he’s not
just another silent whitey like you.” That was the last words Gabriel heard his
mom say, the next few moments there were crashing sounds and the sound
of metal scrapping and human bones breaking, and then it all turned black.
Gabriel remembers waking up and hearing Gerrit call out his mothers name,
but Gerrit should have known she was already dead because her neck was
cracked at a strange angle and her body was crushed by pieces of metal and
there was blood everywhere. Gabriel will never forget the colour and smell of
her blood.
“Whats your version dad?”

Chapter 14 (Page 137)

Gabriel is in a taxi on his way to Doc D. Sasha messages him saying her mom
is going to drop her off and wait for her to finish at Doc D and that she thinks
it’s a miracle. Gabriel has mixed feelings about it- he wouldn’t call it a miracle
for your mom to awake enough to drive you around. Sasha probably doesn’t
know what to think of her mother either.

Sasha says how her highlight of the week are the taxi drives with Gabriel. He
thinks Sasha must be happy that her mom goes outside again and isnt an
indoors sleeping during the day and wandering around at night. Hopefully,
she’ll be able to tell her mom that she has eben taking taxis and hasn’t been
in danger.

Gabriel doesn’t mind her not taking the taxi anymore or not seeing her at Doc
D’s office, cause now he often goes to her house. He gets out of the taxi and
walks up to Doc D’s house but stands around the corner so he can see her
front door. Sasha and her mom walk out- he’s never seen Sasha’s mom in
going out clothes. She still wears pale boring colours but she looks
presentable.

Sasha looks as amazing as ever- she’s wearing doc martins, furry stockings,
a short skirt, a denim jacket and a Stay Weird beanie. He text Sasha “Nice
car” and she stares down at her phone and looks around.
As her mom drives past, they make eye contact and laugh. She messages
Gabriel “we have to stop meeting like this”. They lost the chance to show
Sasha’s mom that they met in Doc D’s waiting room and to show Doc D that
they are friends.

Sasha and Gabriel keep whatever the bond is that they share between them.
Gabriel thinks its similar to how when he was younger he isn’t want to show
his parents his poems because the “bigger people” might find it ridiculous
and so they think parents and adults would find whatever Gabriel and Sasha
have ridiculous. They are worried they might end up feeling that way too so
they don’t tell anyone.

Second miracle of the day happened in session with Doc D. Gabriel was able
to tell Doc D about the day that his mother died- not leaving anything out or
avoiding any parts. Doc D called it a “milestone”. Gabriel is crying. Doc D
stares out the window while waiting for Gabriel to calm down and blow his
nose. When he is relaxed on the chair, she asks him how he feels? “Empty”-
Gabriel responds.

She tells Gabriel they can then start to fill the void with more positive feelings
about himself. She says if he can feel more positive about himself- it’ll make it
easier to feel positively about other people- like his dad.

Gabriel’s dad is coming home tomorrow and he has no idea how he is going
to handle it. He says he doesn’t know if there is anyone in his life that he feels
completely positive about- except for maybe Robert- he doesn’t have to
impress him or talk about his feelings. They don’t have to like the same
music- he likes heavy metal which you wouldn’t guess by looking at him. He
feels that Robert is the only person who doesn’t expect anything from
Gabriel- he can be himself.

Gabriel has mixed feelings about Ouma Lennie, and is beginning to get
irritated by Lotta who is telling him that he should “find his father”-
metaphorically. Gabriel tells her he knows where Gabriels room is and if he
wants to talk to Gabriel, he will.

Sasha doesn’t only have positive things about her- Gabriel is too scared to
look at her arms, see new scars and scared that she wont be able to play this
blood game.

Helen is back from holiday, which she referred to as hell. She’s proud that
she didn’t kill one of her step-brothers. Helen noticed May was special- she
called yesterday to say she was back and Gabriel tried to be calm and tell her
about Sasha. Helen says she is excited to meet her and Gabriel says that’s
probably not a good idea because then Helen will fall in love with her- she
laughs but he’s not sure he meant it as a joke.

Helen is ecstatic when Gabriel tells her that Sasha is trying to talk him into
participating in the school’s poetry slam. He also tells her Sasha is now
coaching him. Helen says “so now you don’t need me anymore?” And gabriel
says of course not, she’s the sister he’s always wanted. Helen says he has to
then let them meet each other- she, as the aunt, has the right to meet her.
Helen tries to make plans for the 3 of them to go for coffee together. Gabriel
says Saturday wont work because that’s the day that his father is coming
home.

Helen asks him how he feels about it and he tells her she sounds like Doc D.
Helen tells Gabriel she’s been worried about him for months. He tells her she
doesn’t need to worry, things are better now. She says she knows but Gabriel
seems to be in love, and she’s worried Sasha will hurt him. Gabriel says he’s
starting to realise he cant live without getting hurt, but it doesn’t mean he’s
not scared of getting hurt.

-back to the present: just before Gabriel says goodbye to doc D, she asks
him when he’s going to recite one of his poems to her. He tells her he has
decided to take part in the schools poetry slam at the end of the month.
Gabriel has convinced himself he can train for it in his own lazy way. He says
he’ll see how he feels closer to the date. But in Doc D’s room he makes the
decision that he can do it. It was only then that the relief that he didnt feel
earlier when he told the doc about his mother’s death, washes over him. He
no longer feels empty, he feels excitement.
He thinks maybe this is the 3rd miracle of the day.

Chapter 15 (Page 146)

Gabriel’s father is back at home. When Gabriel was younger, his dad would
tell him about old Greek myths (Gabriel is talking about Odysseus)- Gloria
always preferred fairy tales- she liked happy endings. Gerrit didn’t care about
sad endings.
Gabriel wonders if his dad wanted to prepare him for the horrible loss of his
mother. Odysseus had been away for 20 years, Gerrit only a few months.
Difference between them was Odysseus’s wife waited for him to come home.
His dad didn’t have anyone waiting for him.

The wife was loyal to Odysseus even when other men charmed her, and
when he finally returned, he killed all the men that tried to charm his wife-
Gabriel thinks its inaccurate to blame the violence of this generation on
games and the internet, when the old Greeks were this violent.

Helen rekindled Gabriels interested in Greek mythology. She showed him a

YouTube video of Kate Tempests performance poetry- about Greek
mythology- called “Icarus”- was a guy who didn’t listen to his father, flew too
close to the sun and his wings melted and he drowned in the sea.

Her performance poetry made Gabriel realise that maybe his rhymes are too
safe, he thinks it’s time to get rid of the safety net. Helen tells him he can
slam anything- myths, fairy tales, the bible.
Gabriel is confused by writing slams about the bible, and Helen tells him how
lots of famous songs- Hallelujah- is full of references from the bible- you can
only understand them if you know basic bible stories.
Helen told him he should ask his mother (this was when she was still alive)-
and Gabriel said he didnt want to listen tot the same music as his mother.

“Icarus”- made Gabriel interested enough to try reading some of his father’s
books on Greek mythology. The books were boring and just made him fall
asleep. When he told Helen this- she teased him and said she thought he was
old enough to concentrate on anything more difficult than a video game for
more than ten minutes. He calls her a nerd. She goes on about people
becoming lazy and not using books- and he tells her she sounds like Gerrit.
She makes him promise to one day read one of the stories and he promises
too- just to shut her up.

Helen’s parents have been divorced for over 10 years but they still cant talk
without fighting. Sasha’s father thinks marrying a much younger woman will
keep him young forever- Gabriel thinks it’s pathetic. Sasha’s mom just wants
to take pills and shop. Roberts parents are “happily married” but they work
so much they may as well be divorced. Robert can’t remember the last time
his whole family was together.
Gabriel and Gerrit haven’t fought again, he’s only been home 2 days. They
are trying to be nice to each other- but Gabriel’s not sure how much longer
they’ll manage. Gabriel decides to carry on with his poem about Odysseus,
maybe he’ll be able to recite it for his dad one night when they are sitting
together in the red kitchen and don’t know what to say to each other.

Chapter 16 (page 151)

Lotta wants to celebrate Gerrit coming home- have a real family dinner at
home. A Sunday roast- rice, meat, potatoes, hot pudding. Gerrit is worried
about the amount of food he is going to have to eat to keep Lotta happy- and
so he suggests going out to a nice restaurant instead. Lotta tells him she
enjoys cooking for them but Gerrit says it’s not nice to have to clean up
afterwards- Ouma Lenie says it’s good to have dishes to wash-meant you
had something to eat. Gerrit says he wants to spoil everyone as a thank you
for looking after Gabriel and supporting them. Ouma Lenie- there’s no need
to say thank you, that’s what family is for.

They sit around the table and eat Lotta’s pea soup, which is very thick.
Gabriels dad is struggling to finish all the food. Gerrit tells Ouma Lenie she
must choose where to eat out- she says Gerrit must know her favourite is
wimpy- first restaurant she went to. Gerrit tells her he has nothing against
wimpy- he just wants to make Sunday lunch special. She tells Gerrit he must
choose.

Gerrit tells Lotta she should choose- she says she eats anything and laughs.
Gerrit asks Gabriel what he wants for Sunday lunch. Hearing Gerrit say
Gabriel’s name scares him- he hasn’t heard his father’s voice for months and
now all of a sudden he must get used to talking to his father again. The last
thing Gabriel wants is to go to a restaurant for Sunday lunch with his dad,
aunt and Ouma- but he cant say that.

Gabriel tries to think of an answer- his mom always liked Japanese and
Chinese- but this would make Ouma Lenie teeth fall out. Gerrit likes Indian
curries and spicy Mexican sauces, but Gabriel doesn’t like this. Gabriel
chooses the safest food for everyone- steak and chips.
Gerrit booked them a table at the new restaurant in Kampsbaai- nice weather
so they sit on the balcony- can stare at the sea when they don’t know what to
say to each other. Lotta and Gerrit try to have a conversation, Ouma Lenie
concentrates on her food. (She is dressed in her best clothes- she is used to
wimpy- blue church suit & evening shoes). Lotta is dressed brightly, his father
was probably wearing khaki trousers and an open button up shirt.

Gabriel realised why his dad wanted to eat out- because there would be an
empty seat at the table (Glorias seat)- haven’t had a proper family dinner
since Gloria died- Gabriel realises that is probably would have been
unbearable for his dad.

Gerrit asks Gabriel how he feels about school starting tomorrow- Gabriel
stares at him in astonishment. “Homework done?” “Bag packed?”- Gerrit
nervous asks. Gabriel is annoyed at him- before he opens his mouth he sees
an expression cross his father’s face- desperate longing. He notices he is
looking at a family at the table next to them. (Mom, dad & 6 year old son- all
laughing)

Gabriel tells his father patiently that he didn’t get homework. Gerrit’s sad
expression disappeared and he smiled. His father says how he noticed that
Gabriel said everything in Afrikaans, except for when he used the word
“okay”. Gabriel would have been upset at this remark a year ago- he is
growing up. In all the change that has happened, at least one thing has
stayed the same- his father still scolds him for mixing his languages.

Chapter 17 (page 158)

Gabriel gets home from the first day back at school- always feels the longest.
He sees a white envelope with his name on it lying on the pilllow of his
unmade bed.
Gabriel had to forbid Ouma Lenie from cleaning his room more than once a
week- it’s a mess but it’s his mess and it doesn’t bother him. He’d have to
look for everything when she cleaned- she would move things.

Today, the room looks particularly messy- he wonders if his father noticed
when he left the envelope- he knows its from his father- he recognises the
hand writing. Envelope has yesterday’s date on it.
Gabriel forgot how much he admired his father’s writing when he was little-
writes in cursive- when Gabriel was younger he wanted the same
handwriting. Now his is a mixture of Gloria’s and Gerrit’s.

The letter: his father says then need to speak about what happened in the car
on the day of the accident. He says how in the last few weeks at the clinic, he
was rehearsing what he’d say to Gabriel, but he hasn’t been able to say
anything because Gabriel refuses to speak to him. He says how everything
has changed now- his wife, Gabriel’s mother, is dead- he says he hasn’t been
able to fully process that she is gone, still finds himself thinking things as if
she were still alive.
The medication and therapy in the clinic helped him- sleep/ relaxation/ sport/
cognitive behavioural therapy. He said he even began to believe that her
death was not his fault.
He says he regrets that their last moments together was them fighting-
because he kept quiet when he should have said something- therapist calls it
“survivors guilt”. He says even if they weren’t fighting- he would still feel guilty
because he’s alive and she isn’t.
He has convinced himself that the accident didn’t happen just because they
were arguing- many factors caused it. (The other vehicle, who was driving,
that they were using the moms instead of dads car, that he couldn’t drive
because he injured his hand cycling)
This therapist made him realise how pointless the speculation was- he knows
its not rational to feel guilty about her death- but he wishes every day that he
had said something at the gas station and made Gabriel’s mother happy. He
can’t tell Gloria he is sorry but he can tell Gabriel he is. “I’m sorry Gabriel, i
hope you can forgive me, i don’t want to lose you too”

Gabriel sits on his bed and thinks- he wonders how he should respond to
this. He says he wishes he could just go up to his father and hug him like
when he was little and everything would be okay between them again-
doesn’t work that way anymore. He can’t remember the last time they held
eachother.

Chapter 18 (page 163)

His father and him still talk about the usual topics (weather, rugby, etc.)
he asks what harmans-drup is- hair blade oil. (Sticky medicine that’s drips out
of a bottle slowly). They both smile after the conversation and Gabriel leaves-
he tells his dad that a friend is coming over tomorrow afternoon and that
they’ll go to his room to do poetry- he says he hopes it wont bother his father.

Gerrit asks why it would bother him- Gabriel says because it can get loud and
his dad doesn’t like slam poetry. His dad says no, he just hasn’t really
listened to Gabriel’s poetry before- he insinuates that he would like to hear it-
Gabriel says not tomorrow, but maybe the next day.

Gerrit says he’ll be in the study- has a lot of work to catch up on. He says to
bring his friend to come say hi- asks if it’s Helen- Gabriel says it’s someone
else- someone he doesn’t know- and left before his dad could ask any more
questions.

He didn’t want to invite Sasha to his house- hers was better- more space &
privacy- but school slam getting closer and he didnt want Sashas mom
getting tired of him. He notices how his hands get really sweaty when he
thinks about Sasha alone in his room.

Helen managed to build up some excitement for the school slam- will have
tables, chairs and food. Willem Woester (well known slam poet from
Stellenbosch)- host & will perform an original poem. Helen put up posters
about slam and Willem (apparently a girl magnet)- lots of girls want to come
watch, therefore most of the boys too.

Gabriel fetched Sasha from the Gardens Center where her mom is shopping
for the afternoon- walked back to his house. Sasha says it’s progress that her
mom is showing her face in real shops- not shopping online.

Gabriel is nervous about the slam- will be a big audience. Sasha tells him to
relax and nudges him- feels like a current old electricity through his body. She
says everyone will love his poems like she does- he grins.

When they get back, he immediately tries to lead her to his room- doesn’t
want her seeing Ouma Lenie or his dad. As they pass the study, his father
comes out. Gabriel introduces Sasha- Gerrit frowns in confusion and
mumbles something. He realises his father probably doesn’t see Sasha as
Gabriel type of girl. Or maybe he’s just surprised seeing some Gabriel’s age in
the house- Gabriel hasn’t invited people over since Gloria’s death- only
Robert and Helen who sometimes turned up uninvited.

At leats Gabriel doesn’t have to be ashamed of his dad anymore- no longer

wears dirty clothes and has an unshaven face.

Gerrit apologies for his manners and asks her name again. They shake hands.
Gabriel says they’ll be in his room and hurry away before his dad can say
anything- he closes the door behind him. he’s never complained when he
took Helen to his room but he can probably see he feels differently about
Sasha- he is worried he is making his feelings towards her too obvious.

Sasha is sitting on his bed and staring around the room- Gabriel had tidied up
that morning- shoved everything under the bed. Gabriel’s phone rings- it’s
Helen- he decides not to answer so he declines but she keeps calling back.
Sasha asks why he isn’t answering (he didn’t want ot waste precious time
with Sasha). Helen asks for the 3 of them to do something on Saturday- he
says he can’t. (Lies and says he has something with his dad- she
understands and says they’ll do it another day).

Sasha asks why Gabriel doesn’t want them to meet- Gabriel starts stuttering
over his words- Gabriel has so little time with Sasha that he doesn’t want to
be “sharing” it. He thinks they’ll be forced into doing what Helen wants to do-
he makes the excuse that “two is company, three is a crowd”- she shrugs it
off and smiles.

She asks him what his plans are for Saturday and she asks if she’s included
in them- he says yes, if she wants to. He says he wants to go to the movies-
she asks if it would be with her father and Gabriel says it would just be the 2
of them. She immediately asks what movie he wants to watch- he says she
can choose. He doesn’t care what they watch- he just wants to be there with
Sasha.

She asks if they can go see “something in the Labia”- “iets in die Labia”
He says as long as its not a French movie with subtitles- she says its a
comedy called “Napoleon Dynamite”- Gabriel is so excited he wants to punch
the air- he says he’s seen it 3 times- she says they can watch something else
but he says no- he’s never seen it on a big screen.

She tells him that it’s apparently the “guy version” of Ghost world- a movie
she really likes. Gabriel should have known she would like funny movies
about social outcasts and dorks- like Gabriel.

He tells her it’s funnier than ghost world and he smiles. They talk about a
scene in ghost world and laugh. Gabriel thinks Sasha’s laugh is beautiful and
angelic.

They started arguing about what the end of Ghost world means- nice kind of
argument. He says it felt like a difference of opinion between two souls who
actually agree- he realises it’s similar to how most of his mom and dad’s
arguments felt like.

Chapter 19 (page 174)

Doc D’c consulting room- Gabriel realises for the firs time that he is making
progress. She asks him how he would feel about only seeing her second
Friday, or even once a month. He is happy because he can do the things that
normal boys do on Fridays- skateboard, play video games and write poems.
Sasha moved her appointments to another day and so he has nothing to look
forward to for the Friday appointments.

Sasha says it’s easier this way- Gabriel wont have to make sure to avoid
Sasha’s mom- so she doesn’t find out they met through therapy with Doc D.

Gabriel is amazed at how accustomed the conversations that used to irritate

him have become- used to them now. He agrees and tells her things are
getting better. (Because of his friendship with Sasha, not necessarily Doc D)

He tells her he is struggling to talk to his dad- she tells him most teenage
sons and fathers struggle. She says it’s not great, but it’s quite normal. He
thinks of Sasha’s “stay weird” beanie and says maybe being normal is
overrated- doc d looked amused by this comment.

She tells him Gabriel’s relationship with his dad just needs time. She says he
doesn’t need to decide now when he’ll need his next session, he can come
again on Friday if he wants- but he can always call. He jokes about it being a
“trial separation”. She says they’ll see how it goes. Doc D smiles- which is
rare.

When Gabriel got home at dusk- dad was sitting alone in her dark living room
watching an old video of him and Gabriel’s mom’s wedding. The house is
quieter than usual- lotta took Ouma Lenie to a church bazaar- Gerrit wasn’t
expecting Gabriel to be back so soon- he says its the first time he’s felt brave
enough to watch any of the old videos.

Gabriel sits next to him. Gabriel still looked at pictures of his mom- but to see
her move and talk and dance, and to hear her voice and laugh- he said he
couldn’t handle this yet, not on his own but maybe he could with his dad.
They sit together in silence watching the video- they are smiling too- Gloria’s
smile was contagious.

The wedding was in a rented hall in Kalk Bay- where his mother’s fishing
family lived for over a century. A mix of guests- coloured fisherman,
multi-racial friends from the struggle, colleagues from the university and
artists from the townships where his mother helped, as well as Gerrit’s
“tight-knit” white family from the Free State Farm. It was the early 90s- one of
the first multi-racial weddings in the New South Africa- Gabriel’s parents were
very proud of the wonderful new society that they fought so hard for. Gabriel
thinks that today’s society is almost as screwed up as it used to be.

Gerrit tells Gabriel that he misses her, that he misses her every day and every
night. Gabriel says he does too- he struggles to say the words; he doesn’t
think his dad hears him. Gabriel suddenly hears something else- first version
of a new rhyme that can “sometimes come like rain im a drought just when
you need it the most”.

They came from different worlds: she was a coloured girl, her father a
fisherman from Kalkbaai; he was a free state boer (farmer)- despite all
differences love blossomed- opposites attract and that’s a fact.

Gabriel felt happy. He got up from the couch to go work on the rest of the
rhyme. He thinks it’s probably time to write something to his mom and dad.
Chapter 20 (page 181)

Saturday is a big day- his first date with a girl- he has a huge smile on his
face. He knows it’s not Sashas first date- he doesn’t want to know how many
guys she’s dated- will only make him more nervous.

At the Labia, she wants to go to the toilet before the movie starts- maybe
she’s also a bit nervous. He remembered his mom used to do it- probably just
a girl thing.

He’s patiently waiting for Sasha when he sees Helen walk inside. She’s hard
to miss with her golden brown hair and tight school braid. He quickly turns
away but it’s too late- she sees him, smiles and walks towards him- he feels
very guilty. She asks if his dad is here- he says no- she asks why he didn’t tell
her he wanted to go to the movies- he told her he didn’t think she’d want to
watch “Napoleon dynamite”.

She asks if she’s that pretentious- as a joke- she bursts out laughing- she
says she came to watch the French movie with subtitles in the other Theater-
Gabriel asks if its the one about the lesbian with the blue hair- she exclaims it
won a prize. He says he doesn’t think it’s the kind of movie he would enjoy.

She tells him he can’t say that until he tries it. She asks if he wants to come
watch it with her- and “broaden his horizons”. He says he can’t cause he’s
already bought his ticket- she says he can exchange it and gives him the
“puppy eyes” as a joke- this usually makes him laugh but he’s just stressed
that Sasha will come out the bathrooms. He says it’s too late to exchange
tickets and his movie is about to start- he backs away and knocks into a girl
holding popcorn. Some falls on the floor and she gives him a dirty look.

Helen was about to ask Gabriel if he wanted to do something after when she
stopped mid sentence- Sasha appeared next to Gabriel and put her hand on
his arm. (She had never touched him in public in such a possessive way)- it
could have been one of the best moments of his life if he hadn’t noticed the
look on Helen’s face- Helen realised that Gabriel had lied to her so that he
could hangout with Sasha alone- he and see the shock and hurt on her face,
but then she smiled.
Helen greeted Sasha. Gabriel introduced them to each other, and Helen says
it was about time and she’s heard a lot of good things about Sasha. Sasha
says she’s heard a lot about Helen too. Gabriel says their movie is about to
start- to get away from the awkward situation. Gabriel feels very guilty.

Gabriel asks Helen if she wants to go for coffee afterwards and she says she
cant- her movie is too long, will finish after his. She tells him to just call her
when he finds time in his busy life- she called him Gabriel- shows that she
isn’t happy.

While they watch the movie- he forgot all about Helen. Gabriel and Sasha
laugh together at the movie. the more he gets to know Sasha- the more he
likes her. Her obsession with hurting herself upsets him but he gets the
impression that Doc D is helping her. Her mother is also apparently getting
better- which he hopes will help Sasha with her problems of self-control and
self-harm. Gabriel wants to believe that he is helping her too. She told him the
other day that she hasn’t cut herself since she became his poetry coach.

Chapter 21 (page 186)

Gabriel’s new poem: about how his mother and father met during the years of
the struggle- she was a rebellious student (20) and he was a respected
lecturer (30)- protested together & believed “good guys” would win-
opposites attract.

Gabriel is sitting on his bed working on his new rhyme about his parents- on
his laptop. He’s still happy about how well his first date went with Sasha that
afternoon. His dad comes in with a nervous smile- tells Gabriel he read his
one poem about Afrikaans and that he really liked it- hopes to read more of
them someday. Poem- “Moertaal”

Gabriel asks how he found it- a few weeks ago before he went to the clinic-
was looking for something in Gabriels room- found the crumpled page on the
bed- he really liked the poem. He tells him he wanted to complement it but he
was in a bit of mess- Gabriel says “a bit of a mess” is an understatement- he
says he knows. Gerrit apologises door having not been a proper father
recently- Gabriel’s replies “i probably wasn’t the boy you wanted either”- his
father shakes his head and says “i never thought that”- Gabriel says he is
sure his dad would rather have a son that would play good rugby and speak
decent Afrikaans.

Gerrit tells him whether he plays good rugby, or becomes the best poet in the
school- he’d still be proud of Gabriel- says he cant blame Gabriel for having
bad Afrikaans if he (Gerrit) never taught him properly.

Gerrit says that its not that bad to mix language in poems and Gabriel asks
him “what happened to dad”- Gerrit tells him he had a lot of time to think in
the clinic- he decided he just wanted to have a good relationship with his son.
He says that’s why he’d like to read more of Gabriel’s poems- Gabriel tells
them they are not poems and shouldn’t be read- they are something that
should be performed.

Gerrit says he knows, but Helen told him that parents cant attend the school
slam- she called the other day, and he asked.
Gabriel is shocked- he didn’t know his dad had read one of his poems, knew
about the school slam or talked to Helen. He says he can perform a dress
rehearsal for the school slam at home for his dad.

His dad asks if that means Ouma Lenie and lotta too and Gabriel says yes,
because he gets carried away when he performs and so they’ll hear him
screaming from his room anyways- they might get scared and think that him
and his dad are fighting- probably best to invite them.

Gabriel tells him they aren’t the ideal audience- Gabriel says that slam poetry
is young and cool- but he tells his father that if he can impress him, he can
impress anyone. Gerrit told him he had impressed him.
Gabriel looks at him suspiciously- he smiles and gets off the bed. He has that
desperate, sad expression. He says goodnight and leaves.
Gabriel thinks about his mother. As long as he writes, he can keep the
sadness at bay- makes him wonder how his father handles the grief.

Rest of the new poem: They got married after Nelson Mandela was freed.
Gerrit’s family said- we’re not racist, but.. ; Gloria’s family said- leaving your
own people is hard.
They were happy, even though they missed the struggle. Opposites attract-
nothing to do about it, it’s a fact.
Chapter 22 (page 192)

Gabriel thinks he might have “scared” Sasha away or did something wrong,
or totally misunderstood their whole relationship- she hasn’t spoken to
Gabriel in 3 days. (Since date at the movies)
She didn’t call like she promised to on Sunday, didn’t show up for slam
poetry training on Monday and hasn’t answered her phone or responded to
his messages. It’s 3 days before the school slam.

He assumes he doesn’t have a coach anymore. He wonders what has

happened to Sasha- maybe the previous boyfriend made an appearance, the
one she is very vague about (“it’s complicated”)- maybe he was jealous and
told her to chose between them.

He decides that afternoon to go to her house and ask what’s going on. He
messages her asking if he can come see her- he’s going straight from school
(still in his “unsexy” uniform). He doesn’t care what he looks like, he just
wants to tell her that if she has a boyfriend again, that’s okay, they can just be
friends.- didn’t answer this message either.

Arrives at Sashas house (took a taxi)- her mom answers the door- first time
this has happened. She smiles and asks if he has come to visit the patient-
Gabriel is confused. He asks what has happened- she tells him she just has a
cold and is in bed. He goes up to her room- “attic room- solder-kamer”. Her
room was dark and very messy.

She is not happy to see him. She asks what he is doing here- she looks pale
and sick- but still beautiful. He tells her he just came to see if she was still
alive. He takes a step into her room, trips over her bra and falls on his face in
front of her bed. He makes a joke- he’s like the prince in a fairytale having to
fight through the thorn bush to get to the princess- instead it’s her underwear.
She doesn’t even smile.

She’s tells him she’s not a princess and she’s only going to disappoint him.
He says he doesn’t want anything from her, he just wants to be friends and it
doesn’t matter if she has another boyfriend- she answers that she doesn’t.
He sat on her bed and she moved away from him. He asks why she’s
ignoring him- she says she didn’t feel good.

He says “is it too much to ask for a single reply”- she shook her head. She
moved the hair out her face, her shirt sleeve slipped down and Gabriel saw
white. Without thinking, he grabbed her arm and pulled down her sleeve.
Sasha slapped him across the face. He’s so upset he can barely feel it- she
cut herself again.

There is a bandage around her arm- cuts must be deeper than usual- bled
through the bandages. Gabriel says he thought she stopped this- in an
aggressive tone- and she responds “well obviously not”. Gabriel thought it
was getting better, what happened that suddenly made her want to cut
herself again? She said nothing happened, she just never really stopped.
Gabriel- “you lied to me?”- she says she lied to everyone, she just cut less
deep so she thought she was making progress. He asks why, he thought they
trusted each other. She says she cant be trusted- she cant even trust herself.

Sunday night was the deepest she had ever cut, she asks if he wants to see.
She takes her hands out from under the duvet and starts taking the bandage
off. Gabriel looks away- he says he doesn’t want to see it, he just wants to
know where it came from and he wants to help.

She says he cant help her and he must leave her alone- she says nobody can
help her. She raises her voice- she tells him it’s an addiction, and she thought
him of all people would understand that. She says she doesn’t have to
explain anything to him and she tells him to leave- she’s yelling now. He puts
out his arm to try calm her down- worried her mother will hear Sasha
screaming.

She slaps his hand away. He tells her he is her friend and he’s on her side-
she tells him that she doesn’t want him to be her friend, she wants him to
leave her alone. He tells her he’ll leave- he starts walking backwards. He tells
her he’ll call her later and she tells him not to. She tells him in an icy tone- she
never wants to hear from him again. He stares at her in astonishment. He
asks what about the school slam on Friday- She says “so it’s all about you
now?”- he says no, he’s been worried about her. Sasha- “but you’re
especially worried that i wont help with your rhymes?”. This hurts Gabriel- he
just wants to leave now. If she thinks that he only used her to boost his own
ego- he doesn’t know what else he can say to her.

On his way home- he ends up on a gospel taxi- he doesn’t even care. He

keeps hoping Sasha will regret it and apologise. He walks into the kitchen-
Gerrit and Ouma Lenie are sitting at the table drinking coffee- they must have
been talking about him cause they go silent. He walks over to the fridge. His
dad asks if he had a bad day- he shrugs. He takes out the milk and drinks
from the bottle- Ouma Lenie tells him he knows he’s not allowed to do that-
he tells her he knows.

Gerrit says that if Sasha is helping him with his poems, then… Gabriel
interrupts him and tells him she isn’t anymore. He says he has to go do this
homework. He can her his father telling Ouma Lenie that “he tried” as Gabriel
leaves the kitchen.

Gabriel checks his phone again- nothing. He lies on his bed- close to tears.
All he can think of doing is calling Helen- not to cry to her, just to apologise
for being such a bad friend lately.

She picks up- asks what she can do for him. He apologises for what
happened on Saturday- she says it’s okay. He explained that he thought it
was a date- she sounds a bit more sympathetic. Gabriel tries not to cry- wont
be able to hold it back if he does. He tells her it was their first and last date.
She asks if the movie was that bad- he tells her no, he was the one who
messed up.

Helen asks if he’s okay- he says not really. She asks if he wants to talk about
it- sounds like the Helen he knows- she’s back to being the warm and
sympathetic best friend he had)- he tells her almost everything. He tells her
about Sasha’s scars and how shocked he was when he saw them the first
time, that he thought she was doing better, that he thought he had helped
her, like she had helped him with his rhymes. but now he’s noticed she’s still
hurting herself and he reacted completely wrong and now she doesn’t want
anything to do with him anymore.
Helen asks if he couldn’t have just fallen in love with a less complicated girl-
he jokes and says next time he’ll check- first time he has admitted to anyone
that he loves Sasha.

Helen tells him that checking wont help- the worst scars are usually the ones
you cant see- emotional damage. He thanks her sarcastically for the courage
for his next relationship. She laughs and says that’s what friends are for. As
he listens to her laugh, he realises ho much easier it is to talk about someone
else’s scars. He still hasn’t shown Helen the marks on his arm- he wonders if
he’ll ever have the courage to do it.

Chapter 23 (page 205)

Gabriel almost called Doc Diana to ask if he could go see her tomorrow
before the school slam- his courage is running out. He decides not to
because then he’d be admitting he cant survive a week without his
psychologist- he wants to believe he is okay.

It’s hard because Sasha helped him love himself more and now she’s just
dropped him and lost interest- makes him wonder if anyone will ever like hm
enough to “keep reading to the last page”
He pulls his laptop closer to write about his feelings as Doc D would advise
him to. It’s no longer just his feelings he cant handle- his biggest problem is
he can’t understand why Sasha did the things she did.

Gabriel searched for websites about self-injury, he admits maybe he should

have done it sooner so he could understand her better- but he thought she
was making progress. He sees pictures and videos of people harming
themselves- they don’t cut their bodies to get attention- they hurt themselves
on the outside because they are always hurting on the inside- the physical
pain is a distraction.

Riches James (a guy on the internet that often posts content about
self-injury)- says there’s a difference between self-harm and a suicide
attempt- Sasha and Gabriel agree about this. He just disappeared and no one
knows if he committed suicide or just stopped posting content.
Gabriel realises what a narrow escape he had when he started playing with
the knife- that if he wasn’t stupid enough to get caught, by now he may have
been one of the people on the internet posting pictures of his scars. He tries
to convince himself that a girl like Sasha is too complicated for him- he
doesn’t need that in his life- but he misses her.
It felt like there was a hole in his life before he got to know her- she filled it.
She’s gone, feels like nothing will ever be able to close that hole again. Worst
part- everyone seems to be able to see the hole- even Robert- asked if he
was feeling okay. Said he had been looking upset all week and asked if it was
the school slam stressing him out- bell rang and he didn’t have to answer.
(situation with Sasha and her not being at the school slam- making him
upset).

Last night, he decided again, if she wouldn’t call him- he would call her- no
answer. But he left her a long message- apologising and asking her to give
him another chance- she ignored it again.

His rhymes are the only thing keeping him going. He’s not in the mood for the
school slam but he promised he wouldn’t leave Helen hanging- he now
knows how it feels to be dropped. But he is writing a lot of new rhymes- a
bunch of new material from a broken heart.

It was weird for Gabriel to perform his rhymes tonight at home- his father with
his sad face, lotta smiling and Ouma Lenie who looks very confused- she
says she doesn’t understand- he tells her its okay not to, as long as your
heart does. Lotta says she can like it even if she doesn’t understand it. She
says she likes it but only because Gabriel is saying it- if it was someone else
using the ugly words- would have pissed her off. Gabriel realised Ouma Lenie
is a lot like lotta- they both can’t look at him objectively- love him too much.

Gabriel ends with the rhyme about his mom and dad- wants to impress his
father. He wont do it at the school slam- too personal and he wrote it for his
dad, for Gloria too but she’ll never hear it. He could tell his dad liked it.

Poem: They raised a child together, dad said he should learn Afrikaans, mom
said to let him speak as he wants. They argued about everything, opposites
attract. They taught the child (Gabriel) different cultures are good- they were
opposites but they got along. They were from two worlds and yet the same
kind. They made the child proud of his mixed blood. Opposites attract.

His father said he wishes Gabriel’s mother could hear him tonight- Gerrit
smiled and playfully ran his hand through Gabriel’s hair- like his mother
always did. Gabriel pulled a face pretending it annoyed him, like he used to
with Gloria. Ouma Lenie said maybe she could hear Gabriel’s rhyme. Lotta
hurriedly walked to the kitchen to blow her nose- had cried

Chapter 24 (page 212)

It feels like the whole school is excited for the poetry slam. He heard 3
popular girls in Afrikaans talking about it and 2 rugby players in matric asking
what the rules were for it- asked if there was going to be action- Gabriel said
there’s not much physical action but plenty of mental action. Robert said he
was just going for the attractive girls- Gabriel said he expected a little more
from his friend- to come to support him- Robert said he is going to, he will
make sure everyone knows Gabriel is his friend- he says if all the girls see his
best friend is a poet, they’ll think he’s a sensitive soul- they laughed.

After school he is walking with Helen- she cant stop talking about the slam
tonight- it’s a dream come true for her. Forsyth him- feels like a nightmare-
thinks it’s pathetic that he can fall apart just because a girl isn’t going to be
there.

He thinks maybe if his mother was there, it would comfort him- remembers
even if she was still alive, she still couldn’t be there tonight- no parents
allowed. Gabriel asks Helen why no grown-ups are allowed- she said people
would fear being judged by adults. He asks her how many more slams she
wants to plan- she says if things go well tonight, it could turn into a big thing-
but they first need to show everyone how cool poetry can be.

Gabriel reminds her she’ll be writing her final matric exams in a few months
and she wont be at school next year to organise them- she said he’ll still be
there and smiled. He says he’s not like her, he cant arrange things- she tells
him to relax- by that time there will be a group of poets and they can all
arrange things together.
Helen suddenly stops walking and looks at Gabriel. He realises how pretty
she is- is platonic. She tells him she knows he doesn’t feel like participating
anymore now that he cant impress Sasha, but she doesn’t want him
participating half-heartedly- she wants everyone to see how brilliant he is-
when he pours his whole heart into his performance. She asks him to perform
as if Sasha is in the audience- if he performs, it’s the only way to thank
Sasha.

He ask Helen what he has to thank Sasha for- she tells him that she has her
problems and it doesn’t help that he’s mad at her. He says he has problems
too, and right now she’s the biggest one. Gabriel starts walking away from
Helen- he says that Sasha helped him and gave him confidence- she was
shocked when she saw them together on Saturday- Gabriel was no longer
the shy guy that Helen knew last year. She gave him the attitude that he was
lacking in performances.

He tells her she isn’t his coach anymore, she’s an opponent tonight- not
wanting to show her how good her words made him feel. She tells him when
he is famous- she’s taking credit. He tells her he’ll see her tonight. Helen’s
words were the best compliment Gabriel’s ever received.

Chapter 25 (page 218)

Gabriel is at the school slam. There is more than 100 people- Helen is
delighted. He wishes his mom could see Helen tonight- she’s never looked is
much like Janis Joplin. Willem Woester first does a few of his own poems-
the girls are obsessed with him- they scream and cheer for him like he’s a
rockstar. Gabriel decides when he grows up, he wants to be better than
Willem.

He tells everyone that the slam is exciting but it’s still a competition. Gabriel
has never considered himself competitive- he thinks he’s probably just
jealous because the girls go on about him like that.

Willem stuffs papers with names of volunteers in the audience into his
beanie- girls faint when he takes it off and they see his golden hair. Miss
Jansen and Mr Mac- judges for the night- principal wanted an adult present
to maintain order.
Rules of poetry slams- each contestant gets 3 minutes to perform and each
judge writes a score 1-10 on a piece of cardboard and holds it up in the air
for everyone to see. Winner of first round- one with highest score out of a
possible total of 30. The best move onto the next round- until only 2 or 3
remain in the finals. Audience encouraged to cheer and whistle and clap. No
“booing” is allowed.

Helen is to happy about this- she believes the cheers and boos are part of the
whole noisy vibe of a poetry slam- but she agrees school children should be
encouraged rather than discouraged. She hopes that can include “Booing”
next time.- Gabriel wishes he had her confidence.

After round 1, Gabriel felt more confident- he performed “You say, I say”,
“Dazed and confused” and one of his newest rhymes. He got the second
highest mark after Helen. 4 people go to the next round. In the 2nd round-
Gabriel was doing really well, he lost all initial nervousness- he can feel a vibe
between himself and the audience. He performs “Moertaal” which is followed
by a big cheer. He performs “All that is necessary”- he listens to himself over
the microphone and wonders if that’s what Helen meant when she said he
must find his own voice- he doesn’t know if he found his voice but he found
something. Weeks ago Doc D asked him what makes him happy and what he
can do better than others- now he knows his answer.

He gets the highest mark in round 2. 3 people go through to round 3-

including Helen and another young girl. Helen says she cant lose tonight, if
it’s not her, it’ll be him or Leila- and they are both her creations.

Gabriel notices a girl with pale white skin standing in the back of the
audience- it was Sasha. He can’t go talk to her- he has to be on stage in a
few mins & he doesn’t know if she wants to talk to him anyways. He assumes
she doesn’t want him to know she is there- since she’s standing in the back.
His head wants to burst from all the questions when he goes onto the stage
and stands behind the microphone.

He thinks he’ll be able to impress Willem and the onnies with his rhyme about
Oedipus- even though half