Of Plumbers and Princesses

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/12055326.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)
Relationship: Bowser Koopa/Luigi (Nintendo)
Character: Luigi (Nintendo), Koopa | Bowser
Language: English
Collections: Press Start - The 3rd Birthday
Stats: Published: 2017-09-11 Words: 1433

Of Plumbers and Princesses

by thedevilchicken

Summary

Bowser's castle is surprisingly luxurious, once you get past all the lava.

All in all, Luigi's pretty sure he can honestly say the Halloween party was a success. An
unexpected success, but a success nonetheless.

Okay, so it started out pretty strange. Mario had decided they all needed costumes - apparently he
had his heart set on making trick-or-treating a thing in the Mushroom Kingdom - and Luigi had no
idea who to go as. He was pretty sure no one in the Mushroom Kingdom had ever heard of Julius
Caesar or William Shakespeare and Spider-man was right out, so he had kinda limited options left.

"I have a great idea!" Mario told him. "I'll take care of it, no problem." But the night of the party,
Luigi remembers how he eyed the costume; it really didn't seem like a great idea. It seemed a
whole lot more like Mario was the worst brother in the world, but he was pretty sure he couldn't
get away with going as a plumber (he was pretty sure no one in the Mushroom Kingdom even
knew what that was, despite all the pipes) so what choice did he have? He put on the costume. It
was a remarkably good fit. It was just missing a crown, but he figured he could fix that.

They could really have found a better place to celebrate than the ghost house on the Donut Plains,
but Mario's second suggestion had been Professor Gadd's place and Luigi hadn't really fancied
breaking out the Poltergust on the off chance King Boo had been up to his old tricks again. So, the
Donut Plains it was. He just wished the floorboards hadn't been so creaky - he's still not sure
sometimes how they stand up to all the karting.

His costume was a hit, much to Mario's displeasure - it turned out he made a really dashing
Princess Peach and she complimented him on his wig. Daisy didn't seem terribly impressed, but
then again she'd been making awkward eyes at Waluigi since the last party and he wasn't even sure
who'd invited that guy, honestly. He's pretty sure he invites himself sometimes.

They bobbed for apples (the wig kinda got in the way) and munched on pizza (it'd been a big hit
since they'd introduced it to the Mushroom Kingdom) and Mario told ghost stories that made Daisy
laugh and Luigi shiver. He told himself the boos weren't peering at them when their backs were
turned. He told himself he wouldn't've preferred they take the party to the Green Switch Palace
(okay, so the guests might've needed directions, and sometimes he gets kinda lost just driving along
down Rainbow Road), but he was pretty sure he would've. He's never been the brave brother but
eh, he is who he is.

The problem came up when the costume competition came round. Mario had asked Peach to be the
judge - she did a lot of that kind of thing, being a princess and all - and Luigi turned to the guy next
to him and looked him up and down. That was a damn fine costume, he thought to himself. He was
pretty sure even his Peach wig wasn't beating that.

"You have a great Bowser suit," Luigi said. "You're a shoo-in. I think maybe there's a trophy."

The guy in the suit raised his brows. The fact the suit apparently had brows did seem kinda
suspicious.

"Suit?" the guy asked. It was a very familiar voice. It was just like Bowser to crash a party.

"Oh no," Luigi replied. And the next thing he knew, he was being kidnapped. He guessed he'd
gotten out of the ghost house, at least.

Bowser's castle is surprisingly luxurious, once you get past all the lava. The thing was, there was a
lot of lava. Everywhere he looked: lava. In little seas around stone walkways, which seemed pretty
weird considering, y'know, physics and all, and Luigi's not even really sure why that worked, but
he guesses there's not a whole lot about the Mushroom Kingdom that makes much sense. The fact
it even exists is pretty out there, as far as he's concerned.

Bowser took him to the castle (he'd been before, and always found it kinda weird that it made such
a great racetrack, considering, well, castle), his wrists tied and his mouth gagged. And it made a
weird kind of Mushroom Kingdom sense because he was dressed as Princess Peach even if the wig
was starting to slip to the left and the crown was made of a sliced-up pizza box covered in spray
paint. Then again, he guessed maybe koopas didn't have spray paint. They didn't seem to have
things like televisions or games consoles or Ikea, so maybe he couldn't hold the mix-up against
him. Besides, it was a really good costume.

Bowser walked him through the castle. It was bigger than he remembered, and somehow not
scorching like the center of the Earth so he figured the AC in there must've been a thing of beauty,
though he guessed if it hadn't been, the costume had a fan. Bowser Jr. looked at him skeptically as
he passed by, like the mustache gave the game away. Luigi just shrugged. It wasn't like it was his
fault Bowser Jr.'s dad couldn't tell a plumber from a princess.

And then, finally, Bowser took off the gag. Luigi looked up at him. Honestly, in the light of the
lava, he was quite something: a pointy-shelled, angry something who spent half his time
kidnapping princesses, but something nonetheless.

"You know, I hate to break this to you but I'm not really Princess Peach," Luigi said, wringing his
gloved hands.

Bowser raised his huge orange brows. "You know, I hate to break this to you but it's not that great
of a costume," he replied. "Your wig's slipped, and I'm pretty sure you made that crown out of a
pizza box."

Luigi huffed. "I'd like to see you do any better at short notice," he said.

"I'd've just stolen one."

"And that's why no one likes you."

Bowser frowned. "Wait, you don't like me?"

Luigi put his hands on his pretty pink-dressed hips. "Well, you did just kidnap me," he pointed out.

"Considering the party, I'm pretty sure I just rescued you." Considering the party, Luigi was pretty
sure he was right, but he was more interested in the way Bowser was scuffing his foot-claws
against the ground. Apparently they were pretty tough, because they sent up sparks. "Seriously,
you don't like me?"

"Well, you do keep trying to kill me," he said. "I mean, the lava?"

Bowser snorted. "C'mon, how many times have you fallen in that?" he said. "That's totally for
show." He frowned again. "Seriously, I thought you liked me."

"Who told you that?"

He shrugged. "Your brother might've said something."

"And you believed him?"

Bowser grimaced. He huffed. "You know, your brother's kind of a dick sometimes," he said.

Luigi guessed they could agree on that. It was a start, at least.

They sat down by the lava flow and somehow, the tales of Mario flowed just as readily. Somehow,
the fact he'd just been kidnapped from the party just when he was pretty sure he'd been about to
win the costume competiton seemed to matter just a little bit less. After all, it wasn't like anyone'd
been in a huge hurry to save him, and Bowser let him fly the Koopa Clown, so that was pretty cool.
Even if it turned out there were coins in some really weird places.

And at the end of the night, when they'd shuffled closer, Bowser's huge koopa thigh against Luigi's
Peach-a-like pink dress, he smiled a sheepish smile and said, "I guess I should get going." Bowser
nodded. Luigi stood; with Bowser sitting down the way he was, they were almost eye to eye. That
made it a whole lot easier to give him a peck on the koopa-ish snout - he couldn't find a cheek, and
he was pretty sure his whole head could've fit in Bowser's mouth. Not that that'd stopped anyone
else in the Mushroom Kingdom. And cheeks or no cheeks, Bowser somehow managed to blush.

"How come we didn't know you're such a big softie?" Luigi said.

Bowser snickered. "Just wait till I kick your ass in the grand prix next Tuesday," he replied. "Then
try calling me that again."

He did. Bowser laughed, and everyone else kinda looked at them like they'd lost it. And maybe he
kidnapped him again afterwards, just a little bit. Maybe he let him.

He wore the Peach costume. Bowser seemed to like it.

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