LESSON 1
Attitude
The great Spanish philosopher José Ortega y Gasset said that human
beings are the only creatures on Earth that are born into a natural state of
disorientation with our world. Every other creature is guided by instincts
that they are not aware of and cannot question. In contrast, we human
beings have the power to create our own life. We do just that every day
with everything we do; what we do, think and believe determines the
shape and substance of our futures.
For some people, what they do, think and believe leads them to incredible
achievements and rewards. Most people end up in a kind of middle-
ground where they tend to do what others are doing without questioning
their path. For others, their actions and the ideas they adopt lead to
frustration and problems as they find themselves on the lower rungs of
the socioeconomic ladder.
Earl Nightingale, who wrote extensively about human character
development and motivation, points out that success or failure as a human
being is not a matter of luck, or circumstance, or fate, or of breaks, or
who you know, or any other myths and clichés which some people use as
excuses. It’s a matter of following a common sense paradigm of rules. I
call this understanding Natural IntelligenceTM and they are guidelines that
anyone can follow.
The ideas in this program, The Mindset, will change lives. They will bring
about success stories, create successful people, save careers, even
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The Mindset
marriages. The rules explained in The Mindset don’t change; they apply
to any situation and all circumstances. You’ll never need to ask “What will
work in this situation?” because these ideas apply in all scenarios. But
the vital first step that you must take is to make these ideas your own,
beginning with what Nightingale called the magic word: attitude.
Everybody wants good results from life, whether our home or work life,
or in our interactions with others. We’re a social species. And you can
achieve the good results you want day-in- day-out throughout your life
with a healthy attitude – it’s the single most important factor.
Nightingale defines attitude as “The position or bearing as indicating
action, feeling or mood”. How we act shapes how others act. Our attitude
tells the world what we expect in return. If we approach the world with a
cheerful attitude, expecting positive things from the world, it tells everyone
we come into contact with that we expect the best in our dealings with
them and the world. We tend to live up to our expectations and others, in
return, give back what we expect in terms of their attitude.
We can control our attitude. Each morning we can decide the attitude we
want to take out into the day. We do it every day whether we realise it
or not, it’s just that most of us don’t do it consciously and reflectively.
Everyone around us – our family, friends, colleagues – reflect back the
attitude we present to them. Therefore our attitude towards life determines
life’s attitude towards us. It’s a matter of cause and effect, a theme that
we’ll come back to through these 12 lessons. Everything we say or do will
generate a corresponding effect. When we’re cheerful, people reflect good
cheer back; we become the kind of person others enjoy being around.
You and I are responsible for our lives. We produce causes throughout
each day of our lives. The world will repay us with an effect corresponding
to our attitude. In this way each of us determines the quality of her or his
own life. We get back from the world what we put out into the world.
You can tell the kind of attitude you generally go out into the world with
quite easily. Consider how people tend to respond to you. Are you met
with smiles and friendly greetings? How you answer that question will
reveal your past attitude.
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LESSON 1: ATTITUDE
A great attitude gets great results, a good attitude good results and so on.
So, each of us shapes our own life and, to a great extent, the quality, or
the lack of quality of our lives is determined by our day-to-day attitude.
Knowing the impact that our attitude has, surely all of us therefore would
want to go into the world each day with the best attitude? It sounds easy
but learning a new habit takes time. Neuroplasticity, our brain’s ability to
learn, to replace old habits with new ones, means that we can all learn
new, better habits. Once your new attitude becomes a habit and part of
your life, your world will change dramatically, like walking out of darkness
into the bright light of day.
Most people never think about their attitudes at all; most people start
each day in neutral with an attitude that is neither good nor bad. Rather
than deliberately choosing their attitude they react to whatever stimuli
they encounter. If the day goes well, their attitude reflects that. If things
go badly, their attitude reflects that. These people are not in control of
their attitude (the cause) or, as a result, what they will get back from the
world (the effect). Everything in life is action and reaction. We can’t afford
to leave what we get from the world to chance, that’s why it’s so important
for us to control OUR attitudes, to make sure they’re excellent or good.
A student with a poor attitude towards learning, won’t learn much. The
defeatist attitude that something is too hard, that they can’t do it (or get
it as many young people say) is self-fulfilling. If we start with the attitude
that we can’t do something, we generally won’t do it. Approach a task with
an attitude of failure and you’re beaten before you start.
William James of Harvard, the founder of psychology in America said:
“Human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind”.
Since I learned this valuable piece of wisdom, two words have shaped my
attitude and worked well for me: gratitude and expectant. We can also
say generosity and curiosity.
Gratitude means I’m thankful for the chance to live on this incredible
planet. Each day I wake up with a sense of gratitude. Expectant means
that I expect the best. I expect to reach the goals I establish for myself, my
family, wider communities and Regent Group, which we’ll talk a lot more
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The Mindset
about later in the program. It’s not about expecting that I will be given
something for nothing rather that, because I know the world will give me
back what I put out there in terms of my attitude, that it’s up to me and I’m
responsible. By approaching the day with an expectant attitude, I am open
to achieving those goals I desire. It’s cause and effect, action and reaction.
Earl Nightingale explains it well and I think his words are worth sharing:
“There are millions of human beings living old, dark, and frustrated lives,
living defensively, simply because they take a defensive, doubtful attitude
towards themselves, and as a result towards life in general. A person with
a poor attitude becomes a magnet for unpleasant experiences. When
those experiences come, as they must because of these attitudes, they
tend to reinforce this poor attitude, thereby bringing more problems and
so on. The person becomes an example of self-generating, doom-fulfilling
prophecy, and it’s all a matter of attitude. We get what we expect, and our
outlook on life is a kind of paintbrush, and with it we paint our world: it
can be bright and filled with hope and satisfaction, or it can be dark and
gloomy.
“It’s hard to convince people sometimes that the world they experience
reflects their attitude. They take the attitude that if people would only be
nice to them, they’d be nice in return. They’re like the person who’s sitting
in front of a cold stove waiting for the heat. Until they put in some fuel,
there’s not going to be any warmth, it’s up to them to act first. It must start
somewhere: let it begin with us.
“Attitude reflects the person inside. Consider for a moment those people
who go sailing through life from one success to another and who, when
they occasionally fail at something, shrug it off and head right out again.
No matter what a person does, wherever you find a person doing an
outstanding job and getting outstanding results, you’ll find a person with
a good attitude. These people take the attitude that they CAN accomplish
what they set out to accomplish.
“They take the attitude that achievement is the natural order of things
– and it is! That there’s no good reason on earth why they can’t be as
successful, as competent as anyone else. They have a healthy attitude
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LESSON 1: ATTITUDE
towards themselves and, as a result, towards life and the things they want
to accomplish.
“And because of that, they accomplish remarkable things, they are called
successful and outstanding and brilliant and lucky, and so on. They’re
quite frequently no smarter or more talented than most people, but they
have the right attitude. They find their accomplishments not too difficult,
simply because it seems so few others are really trying, or really believe in
themselves. As for luck, forget it. Luck is what happens when preparedness
meets opportunity, and opportunity is there all the time.
“A person can be very efficient at his or her work, but if they don’t have an
excellent attitude, well, the person’s a failure. A robot can do a great job,
but only a human being can ennoble work with a great attitude and, by so
doing, touch it with the magic of humanness, make it come alive and sing,
make it truly worthwhile.
“Successful people come in all sizes, shapes, ages, and colours, and in
widely varying degrees of intelligence and education. But they have one
thing in common: they expect more good out of life than bad. They expect
to succeed more often than they fail, and they do.
“There are things you want, worthwhile things. Take the attitude that
there are a lot more reasons why you CAN reach those goals than there
are reasons to fear trying. Go after them! Work at it. Keep your attitude
positive, cheerful, and expectant, and you’ll achieve them. And as you
do, you’ll grow to new heights and be able to accomplish still more. And
remember this: Our environment, the world in which we find ourselves
living and working, is a mirror of our attitudes and expectations. If we feel
that our environment could stand some improvement, we can bring about
that change for the better by improving our attitude. The world plays no
favourites; it’s impersonal. It doesn’t care who succeeds or who fails, nor
does it care if we change. Our attitude towards life doesn’t affect the world
and the people in it nearly so much as it affects us.
“It would be impossible to even estimate the number of jobs that have been
lost, promotions or good grades missed, sales lost or marriages ruined, by
poor attitudes. But you can number in the millions the jobs which are held
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The Mindset
but hated, the marriages which are tolerated but unhappy, the parents
and children who fail to understand and love one another, all because
of people who are waiting for the world and others to change towards
them. They don’t understand that what they’re getting is a reflection of
themselves. Nothing can change until we do. When we change, our worlds
will change. The answer is attitude.”
I personally follow Nightingale’s advice for how to make sure you have a
good attitude and recommend you do the same. In the same way you’d
develop any new habit, cultivating your habit of approaching each day
with an excellent attitude takes practice. Try sticking a post-it note on
the bathroom mirror with attitude written on it so you’ll see it every
morning before going out into the world. You might have another one in
your car and another at work, perhaps even a reminder on your phone.
Make a commitment to smile more, to speak to people more, to reach out
to people more. Everything in the world we want to do has to be done
through people. Every pound you’ll ever earn comes at some point from
people. Everything worthwhile in life is to do with people; our relationships
with partners, friends, our children all involve us interacting with human
beings. Each of them, our children included, is an individual, unique and
different from any other person who ever lived. Our attitude affects them,
what they see and feel when we’re around. Make it the best it can be; love
and kindness.
When you develop an attitude that says YES to life and the world, you’ll
start to see changes that astonish you. Someone once said “Life is dull
only to dull people” and it’s true in the same way that it’s true that life
is interesting only to interesting people, and life is successful only for
successful people. We get what we expect, what we put out into the world
and must embody what we want. For success to come to us we must
radiate success. In terms of attitude, we have to become the people we
want to be. Cause and effect, action and reaction.
Many years ago, a famous Los Angeles restauranteur was asked by a
newspaper reporter, “When did you become successful?” And he replied:
“I was successful when I first started. I knew what I wanted to do and
I knew I’d do it. It was only a matter of time.” His attitude was one of
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LESSON 1: ATTITUDE
success long before he’d achieve the success he wanted. The great
German philosopher and writer Goethe explained it like this: “Before you
can do something, you must be something.”
Nightingale challenges us to an exercise to demonstrate what attitude
can achieve. It’s an exercise I’ve done and a recommend that you try it
too because it delivers. Complete the exercise conscientiously every
day, focus on it and you’ll become ‘lucky’ (as the uninitiated call it) and
wonderful things will start happening in your life.
The exercise is to treat every person you come into contact with as the
most important person on Earth.
There are three reasons for doing this.
Firstly, as far as each of us is concerned, we are the most important
person on Earth.
Secondly, because it’s the way human beings should treat each other.
And finally, because you’ll start to build an important habit.
Everyone wants and needs good self-esteem. Everyone wants to feel that
they’re important, that they’re recognised and needed, that they count,
that they’re respected. Make people feel this and they’ll give you their
respect and their business, even if it’s a brief interaction.
Nightingale observed, and I agree, that the higher you go in any organisation
of value, the nicer the people seem to become. It works this way: the more
senior the people, the easier it is to talk to them, to get on with them, and
work with them. But their great attitudes aren’t because of their positions,
they have their positions largely because of their great attitudes.
For the purposes of the exercise, act towards others in the way that you
want people to act towards you. Treat your friends and family as the
very important people that they are, the most important in the world.
Each morning take the kind of attitude you’d have if you were the most
successful person on Earth into the world. It will quickly become a habit.
Almost immediately you’ll notice a change. Things that used to frustrate
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The Mindset
you won’t any more. When someone gives you a hard time, don’t let their
bad attitude ruin your great attitude. Keep control of your attitude, keep it
good, keep smiling. If someone cuts in front of your car or pushes in front
of you to get onto the train, don’t respond with the same; smile and keep
your great attitude.
Negative emotions including anger, hatred and jealousy hurt you. They
make your life miserable and can even make you ill. Look after yourself
by forgiving anyone who has ever hurt you, truly forgive them and forgive
yourself. What’s past is past. Dwelling on it, going over it, can only harm
you. Forgive and forget, move on, you’re above such pettiness.
As you get into the habit of having a great attitude, you’ll hopefully see
that you’ve started on the path to achieving what you want. You’ve begun
the journey. How successful you’ve been up to this point doesn’t matter
– you’ll be pleased with the ease with which you move towards your new
life.
Other people’s attitudes – good and bad – are infectious. It’s important to
see them in this way and avoid poor and bad attitudes in the same way as
you’d avoid an infectious illness. You must keep yourself healthy.
Whoever first said ”Life’s too short” had a point. Life is too short to spend
precious time apeing other people’s attitudes – unless they’re good.
Approaching life with a great attitude feels good – the world feels brighter.
But it does more than that. A great attitude seems to open up new
opportunities that we couldn’t see before we changed our attitude. This
might explain why people say we’re ‘lucky’. Yes opportunities or ‘breaks’
seem to come to us, but they come because of the new connection with
the world we’ve created by having a great attitude. With a great attitude
we do more and do it in less time. Our great attitude has put us on the path
of positive happenings.
By developing a great attitude you put yourself in the top 5% of people,
the most successful people on Earth. Your great attitude has started you
on the path to achieving your goals. Having prepared the ground now you
only have to plant the seed.
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LESSON 1: ATTITUDE
There are several points in my life when I could have slipped into
a less than excellent attitude. I arrived in the UK as a refugee from
the civil war in Sri Lanka. I had just £100 in my pocket. I wanted to
study but didn’t have the funds to pursue most courses. Studying
accountancy was available to me and I approached it with an
attitude of gratitude and expectation: gratitude that I was on a path
that would improve my life and expectation that I could turn it into
the life I wanted. And my attitude helped me to graduate, become
a chartered accountant and work in investment management for
several leading companies.
To sum up:
First, it’s your attitude, how you set out to tackle a difficult task, more than
anything else, that will achieve a successful outcome.
Secondly, humans are interdependent. Our attitudes towards others
shape their attitudes towards us. Our success in life depends on how well
we relate to others. It’s cause and effect, action and reaction.
Thirdly, to achieve the kind of life you want, you must think, act, talk
and behave how the person you want to be would. Visualise that person
regularly through the day; what are they saying and doing?
Fourthly, remember that the higher you go in any organisation of value,
the better the attitudes you’ll see and that these attitudes are not the
result of success but success is the result of the attitudes.
And finally, human beings, including our loved ones and everyone we
come into contact with, need recognition and self-esteem. They need to
be needed, to feel important, to be recognised and appreciated. Help the
people you meet to feel this.
So that these ideas become a habit and part of your life, follow these
suggestions:
We’re not good at holding more than one thought at a time in our minds
so choose constructive and positive ideas. Look out for the best in people
and ideas, especially ideas you can make good use of in your life.
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The Mindset
Talking about your problems or health to people who can’t help is a waste
of your time and theirs. Avoid it.
Send an attitude of well-being and confidence out into the world. Show
the world that you know where you’re going and good things will happen.
Treat everyone you meet and interact with as the most important person
on the planet. If you can make this a habit and practice it consistently,
you’ll see the benefits all of your life.
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LESSON 1: ACTIVITIES
Find somewhere visible you can put a reminder to shape your attitude
into a great one. It could be a post-it note on the mirror, your phone
screensaver or a reminder that comes up several times a day. After two
days reflect on the following:
How many times a day have you reminded yourself to set a great attitude? How could
you increase that number? Think about what barriers you’ve faced in setting a great
attitude.
How is your attitude now different to your attitude before? Have you changed your
attitude enough? Could you do more?
What changes have you noticed as a result of going into the world with a new, better
attitude? If you haven’t noticed any changes why do you think that is? What can you
change?
Describe a scenario where you treated someone as the most important person on Earth.
What did you notice? (Think about how you felt as well as the other person’s response)
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