hard feelings

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at

http://archiveofourown.org/works/23829958.

Rating:
General Audiences

Archive Warning:
No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:
M/M

Fandom:
Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Relationships:
Sirius Black & James Potter, Regulus Black/James Potter, Regulus Black
& Sirius Black, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Characters:
Sirius Black, Regulus Black, James Potter, Fleamont Potter, Euphemia
Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew

Additional Tags:
Marauders, Marauders era, AU, Alternate Universe, Jegulus, Fluff, Angst,
Little Bit of Everything, Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Abuse,
Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abuse, Marauders Era (Harry Potter),
Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), idiots to lovers, Slow Burn

Language:
English

Stats:
Published: 2020-04-25 Completed: 2022-04-18 Words: 29,002 Chapters:
17/17
 hard feelings
by jilylicious

Summary

in a parallel universe Sirius grabs Regulus' arm right before he

vanishes into thin air when he's sixteen
 Chapter 1
“Dragging me into your bullshit,” exclaimed the slightly shorter boy as he
clumsily dragged the taller one with him through the mud. It was quite dark
outside but you could pick their shadows when they walked by street lamps.
“I never asked for this and you took me with you without even bothering to
check in with!”

“You would rather I left you there?” asked the seemingly injured boy. They
looked like each other’s twins, especially with both their hair wet from the
pouring rain, but they had these little differences to the way they behaved.
The shorter boy almost had a hunch on his back and the taller one stood too
tall despite the fact that he couldn’t walk. “Did you really think this is
something I wanted to do? I would rather die than leave you behind, Reg.”

“You almost did because you ran your mouth like an idiot,” said Regulus as
he kept trying to make sure Sirius was doing okay. “You are heavier than
you look.”

“I’m not,” grinned the older one despite the pain he was feeling. “You are
just shit at carrying injured people.”

“Would you rather crawl?”

Sirius let out a small bark of a laughter before he pointed out to the big
mansion fifty feet away from them.

“I don’t understand why you didn’t just say the full address Siri,”
complained Regulus as he hoisted his brother once more.

“And risk them knowing where we were going to?” asked Sirius with an
incredulous look on his face. “They would have been waiting for us by the
door before we could say Quidditch, you know that.”

“You’re right,” sighed Regulus, taking one more step towards the large,
crisp white mansion so different from their dark and secluded manor at
Grimmauld Place,12. “You’re absolutely right. Do you think Potters would
be fine with having me with you?”

“The more the merrier if you ask them,” he smirked and grimaced at the
same time.

They walked the last few feet without uttering a word and Regulus politely
rang the doorbell as Sirius attempted to bang the door.

“You’re going to give them a heart attack, you bloody idiot, it’s the middle
of the night” he said before pushing his wet hair from his face to look a bit
more presentable just like they had taught him as he was growing up.
Looking good was half the job done as far as the Blacks were concerned.

Then the door opened and James Potter just blurted out a very loud
sequence of blasphemies without moving an inch.

“You know it’s cold out, right?” asked Sirius holding onto the door frame
while waiting for his best friend to let them in.

“Sirius, what the fuck?” he asked as he got his arm under Sirius’ other
shoulder relieving the weight on Regulus’ body. James’ hand brushed
Regulus’ cold one for a second and Reg could have sworn the boy was one
fire.

“We ran away.”

“We?”

“Yes Prongs,” he replied calmly. “Me and my little brother than I am

responsible of.”

“I am not a kid,” intervened Regulus as he looked around to understand

where they were. They were obviously in the Potter Manor but where were
James’ mother and father, hadn’t they heard the commotion?

“You are not a kid but I am still older than you Reg and I dragged you with
me, remember?”
“Okay,” sighed James. “Let’s get you both some towels, preferably heated
by my mothe—oh hi, mum!”

James greeted his mum as if there weren’t two boys standing in the entrance
of their house soaked to the bone, dragging mud from the outside. One of
them trying to look as if he was still a prince fixing his hair and clothes
constantly and the other was all bloodied up. He said “oh, hi mum” as if
every other day a stranger rang their door, said they ran away from home
with their brother and took refuge in their house.

“Oh my,” was all that came out of the poor woman’s mouth before she
carefully grabbed both of the Black brothers’ hands and took them to a large
bathroom where she handed them towels that never got wet or cold. She
slowly but surely healed Sirius’ wounds and scourgified both of them for
the time being. She said they could have a shower after they explained what
was going on. That, Reg thought, meant they weren’t getting in the shower
for the next three hours because Sirius didn’t know how to shut up and most
importantly, Reg thought, someone should know. Someone who cares
should be aware of what just happened and what they just ran away from in
the middle of a cold night.

Euphemia Potter was older than their mother but her features made her look
younger and definitely kinder. Her voice sounded like honey on warm
bread. She had the demeanour of a Healer and she was really good at it, too,
but Reg knew that wasn’t her profession.

Euphemia sat with them in their living room with the fire burning in the
fireplace and stared at them as she stared at her own son. Reg found that
interesting, that she could feel the same way about someone else as she did
for her son. She didn’t ask any questions and she gave them hot tea. Reg
took one cautious sip only to realise it was proper tea, too, like the ones
they had in Grimmauld Place, not like the ones they gave at the fancy places
they went to for their family affairs.

Sirius seemed better than he did two hours ago which meant he was ready
to speak. He went on and on about the abuse they faced in their family and
how shit hit the fan when they found out Sirius was not only friends with a
mudblood but he was dating one. They didn’t find out per se, Sirius shouted
it at their faced right before getting struck in the face by their mother.

Sirius explained how their family values worked, what they expected of
them and he even mentioned getting the Mark. That was a secret that
shouldn’t have been placed on anyone else’s shoulders but theirs. Yet, Sirius
seemed to trust the Potters, maybe even more than he trusted his own
brother.

Reg could feel the stare of the Gryffindor chaser on him as if he wasn’t sure
of what he was doing there, as if he was not wanted there and that would
make sense. It wasn’t like Reg was Brother of the Year but he was there and
there was nothing Potter could do about it. Sirius wanted Reg to get out of
the house with him and so he had, now he was sitting on a soft cushioned
sofa with a towel around him and staring at his feet.

Regulus could also feel her stares, too, but they were softer than James’.
Hers were curious. She wanted to know something but she wasn’t sure if
she could ask. Euphemia knew Sirius from James but him, she probably
never heard about him before.

“How are you doing, Regulus?” she asked finally after Sirius had decided
he dumped enough information on the poor woman. “You seem unscathed.”

“I am doing fine, Mrs. Potter,” he silently replied. “Thank you for asking
and thank you for accepting me with my brother into your house. I know
you don’t kno—”

“Child,” scolded Euphemia and she let her hair fall free out of the bun it
was in. “You are family to Sirius and Sirius is family to us. You have a
place here as long as you want to stay here.”

“Told you, it would be fine.”

“Shut up, Siri.”

“Alright boys,” said Euphemia as she got up with an agility Regulus

wouldn’t have expected from a woman of her age. “Enough drama for one
day, everyone to your rooms. Both of you need a good night’s sleep and you
don’t need James distracting you from it.”

She waved her wand as she got out of the living room turning each light off
as she kept walking towards the staircase.

“I made some arrangements in the guest room and you boys have your
separate rooms once you go inside,” she smiled as she started climbing up
the stairs. “If you need anything, James’ room is right across yours and our
room is at the end of the corridor. Fleamont isn’t home yet, his meeting
must be running longer than intended but regardless, you can wake us up
anytime.”

“Don’t you have a house elf, Mrs. Potter?” blurted out Regulus before he
could stop himself and earned himself a look from Sirius and his insanely
raised eyebrow.

“We do, dear,” she said calmly. “But why bother her when I would enjoy
helping you more than anything?”

Regulus nodded since he didn’t have an answer to that. Black brothers were
raised by house elves. Their parents never took joy in any part of their
raising, they were mere pawns in their game for dominance in the
Wizarding World. Two sons in one of the most important Pureblood
families in the Sacred 28, what a joy it must have been for two seconds
after they were born.

Regulus slowly took of his clothes and put them on the dresser nearby. As
he got into the soft bed he could hear his brother talk to James on the other
side of the door. He tried not to pay any attention to it thinking they might
be talking about the Marauders or whatever they called themselves but he
heard his name and now all he could do was listen in on their conversation.

“What did you expect me to do?” whispered Sirius urgently.” Leave him
behind in that wretched house?”

“Of course not!” replied James with slight shame in his voice. “That’s not
what I’m insinuating Pads. I would never suggest anything like that. I’m
just saying he doesn’t seem comfortable, you should make sure he is okay
with staying with us. Like mum said, he can stay forever if he wants to, he
is your family Pads, it makes him my family, too.”

“I’m sure it’s just shock,” answered Sirius defeated. “We are not used to
people being nice to us, Prongs and your mother might have been a bit too
much to handle for a boy whose understanding of love is limited to not
being beaten by his mother.”

Regulus shivered at the thought of that. Sirius wasn’t wrong, was he? They
never knew what parental love was. For them, parents were nothing but
authority figures that happened to share their blood with them. Regulus
genuinely felt overwhelmed by the reaction James and his mother had
regarding the spontaneous appearance of the Black brothers. However,
Regulus had previously thought, in the half an hour they spent coming here,
that he would have hated it here, not that he loved the place he called home
but he never thought he could fit in in a house like this where people cared.
Walburga had taught them from a very young age that caring would get in
the way of everything that was important to their family values. You were
toujours pur until you cared and Regulus, he never really cared about
anything except his brother up until this point. No one had cared about him
except Sirius and Kreacher. Regulus slowly realised he didn’t know what he
was getting himself into by letting himself stay and be cared for in the
Potter home but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be easy for him to break down
some of the walls Orion and Walburga had built for him and for Sirius’ sake
he wanted to try and fit in with his best friend’s family.

As he pulled the covers over his body, Regulus heard Sirius open the door
of his own room. He stood there for a while probably contemplating
whether he should come in or not. Then, Regulus heard a faint knock on the
door, the way he used to knock on Regulus’ door when they made their
parents mad.

“You awake?” mumbled his brother.

“I am Siri,” he replied back sitting up right as Sirius made his way towards
him in the dark room. He slowly sat on Reg’s bed to speak to him.
“I’m sorry.”

“For what?

“For putting you through this,” he said with his head hung low. “You never
had any problem with them and I put you in harm’s way because I can’t
behave for shit.”

“I mean you’re right,” smiled Regulus for the first time since they left
Grimmauld Place, Sirius couldn’t see the smile but he could hear it. “You
really can’t behave for shit but I also think they would have made a monster
out of me if I had stayed behind just to make them happy. I’m glad you
brought me with you Siri, they seem amazing.”

“We’ll be fine Reg,” declared Sirius to Regulus, but mostly to himself.

“We’ll be fine.”

“Sure Siri,” he replied as he but an assuring hand on his back. “Now go to

sleep, who knows what expects us tomorrow.”

“Don’t remind me,” laughed Sirius as he got off of Regulus’ bed. “But it
will be nice to sleep without having to think what pain tomorrow will bring
though, won’t it?”

“It really will be,” said Reg before he drifted off to sleep before his brother
closed the door.
 Chapter 2
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

“We have to be smart about this.”

“Well, obviously,” sighed Euphemia. “They can’t get their hands on them, I
won’t let them.”

“I won’t either,” said the man Euphemia was talking to who Reg assumed
to be James’ father. “They will do anything from saying we kidnapped
them, to going to the Ministry of Magic to get them back. They might even
come here Euphemia, they have been here before.”

“Well,” she continued somberly. “Then we will increase the protection

wards and be ready for any unexpected visitors.”

“I will get to it,” the old sounding man replied. “I believe we can get away
with it by saying they are here just for the break.”

“They are not though,” she replied. “I am not letting them go until Sirius is
17 and is able to take care of them.”

There was silence now as Regulus turned in his new bed, trying to adjust to
the light coming through the window behind his bed.

“Alphard called.”

Regulus felt his chest tighten. Uncle Alphard was the black sheep of the
family. They were black sheep, too, now weren’t they?

“Alphard Black?” said Fleamont, he couldn’t hide the shock in his voice.

“I was shocked, too,” confessed Euphemia. “He just appeared in the

fireplace.”
“First of all, don’t we have protective spells for the fireplace? Second of all,
does he know the boys are here?”

“Yes and yes,” she replied. “I don’t know how he got through the wards but
he flooed in to check if they were safe and sound and well… to say he
could send money to them.”

“That surely is unnecessary.”

“That’s what I said,” shot back Euphemia and Regulus heard a door open
just then. “Oh James, good morning darling.”

“Morning mum,” he replied with a hoarse voice. “Morning, dad. How was
last night?”

“Oh, the usual,” he laughed. “Boring diplomatic conversations with boring

people. I would have much rathered be here. I heard you had an eventful
night.”

“Well,” said James sounding a little scared from what Reg could tell. He
had never heard him sound desperate.

“Don’t tell me you thought I would have a problem with this James?”

“I don’t know, I mean y-you work so hard and— and,” he stopped to catch
his breath. “And I love Sirius like a brother and would never put him in
harm’s way, I just thought that maybe.. maybe you wouldn’t want them
because you come home tired and barely get to spend time with us let alone
have two additional mouths to feed and I—”

“James, stop.”

And he did. James Potter stopped.

“You are being ridiculous,” asserted Fleamont and Reg heard the reassuring
pat on James’ back. “They can stay as long as we can evade their parents.
You know they will try to take them from us. If only one of them had ran
away maybe we could have managed but this will be tricky. I hope you trust
me, I will do everything in my power to keep them from going to that
wretched place. Even if we didn’t have enough money to take care of them,
and we do, I would have never sent them back to an abusive home, ever.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“That was an unnecessary ‘thanks’.”

“You always say that when I say ‘thank you’.”

“I know, I just like seeing you flustered,” he said and Regulus could hear
the smirk in his voice. Reg could have sworn he smirked the same way
James Potter did before even meeting the man. “Go get your friends now,
time for breakfast.”

The door opened so fast Reg didn’t have time to pull the covers back on
himself. He was lying there in his underwear because they didn’t have pjs
and James just barged in unannounced. There was a split second where Reg
could have sworn he looked him up and down but it lasted so short, he
wasn’t sure so he just let it go.

“Why aren’t you dressed?” he yelled slightly.

“Not like I picked up my pyjamas as we were running away,” Regulus

replied sarcastically pulling the covers back on himself.

“That’s why mum left some on the desk,” said James gesturing to the dark
grey pyjamas right there on the table and wiped the knowing smile from
Regulus’ face.

“Well I didn’t see them,” mumbled Reg.

“You better be dressed for breakfast though,” he laughed, his laughter

reaching his eyes. He walked towards Sirius’ door before shouting “We
wouldn’t want you to leave a bad impression on my dad. SIRIUS GET UP
YOU BUFFOON!”

“Okay, I’m up… I’m up!” blabbered Sirius as he pushed James outside of
his room. “See you downstairs Reg.”
Regulus walked into the spacey kitchen where a house elf was preparing
breakfast with Mrs. Potter. He tore his eyes away from the weirdness of the
situation and looked at who was sitting at the table. There he was, Fleamont
Potter. The founder of an empire of hair products that Sirius and Regulus
weren’t allowed to use because Potters were blood traitors that accepted
mudbloods and Muggleborns into their society, and picked them over
Purebloods. When he thought about it like that, that was the stupidest rule
their parents forced on them because Sirius had gone and got their son as
his best friend. The more you try to repel something, the more it flies
towards you like moths to the flame.

The man sitting at the head of the table had dark hair with several whites
among them and he was reading The Daily Prophet as he took frequent sips
from his tea. James Potter had taken many things from his mother regarding
his behaviour and the way he talked but the rest, it was all Fleamont.
Regulus couldn’t figure out where James inherited the mess he called hair
but the rest was from his father, for sure.

“Good morning m’boy,” smiled Fleamont, the way it reached his eyes
reminded Reg of James’ smile. “Would you like some tea?”

“I would love some, sir,” replied Regulus as he sat across from James.

A cup of tea slowly floated through the air and landed in front of Regulus,
the smell was so good, Regulus smiled unintentionally.

“You know your tea,” said Mr. Potter as he took another sip from his. “I got
these from India the last time we visited relatives of ours, I am a tea
connoisseur of sorts.”

“I can tell, sir,” said Regulus and took a warm, flavourful sip.

“You don’t have to say ‘sir’ when you speak to me, son,” reassured
Fleamont. “We don’t have those kinds of rules in our house. If you are kind,
you get kindness in return. We support each other and lift each other up,
nothing else is necessary. Also Euphemia told me you had reservations
about staying here thinking you might not be welcome and that’s the
stupidest thing I hope I ever hear coming out of your mouth.”
“Thank you s—I mean Mr. Potter.”

“That sounds better,” he smiled and went back to his paper as plates of
delicious smelling breakfast starting flying towards the table. Regulus lifted
his gaze up to James to see him staring at him with that knowing smirk that
was so him. Reg always saw James as competition but felt that the boy
never thought about him like that. Reg felt threatened when Sirius came
back after his first semester that Sirius would leave him behind since he
found new friends that could be with him but now, he felt like he misjudged
James Potter. Reg still didn’t know him that good but he felt like he wasn’t
as stuck up and as mean as people made him out to be. They just had to see
him under a different light and Reg had the opportunity to.

Sirius was the last to come to the table right before everything was ready. It
was right then that Reg realised he never remembered a family breakfast
like this in the Black house. They only had big family dinners where no one
paid attention to the kids but nothing like this in the mornings. Fleamont put
his paper to the side and they dug into the food on their plates. There was so
much flavour even though there was nothing Reg hadn’t tried before. He
didn’t know how to ask but he felt like he was at the Great Hall during a
feast.

“It’s the spices,” said James out of the blue.

“I’m sorry?” replied Sirius.

“Both of you are having an out of body experience,” he laughed and his
parents joined him. “You never had proper food because you never ate
proper spice before, that’s where all of those flavours are coming from.”

“It’s a shame we have been eating dried wood for ages,” Sirius said as he
shoved another spoonful of beans in his mouth.

“What he is trying to say is,” Regulus elbowed his brother. “Thank you for
the lovely food, it is very delicious.”

“Mm-hmm.”
“I know you’re tired of talking about this,” started Fleamont with a sigh.
“But we need a plan in case your parents try to get you from here. Now, we
have increased the spells protecting the house but they are still legally your
guardians and I will do anything in my power to keep you here but it might
get messy.”

“We would expect nothing less,” added Sirius nonchalantly. “Our wish is
that they wouldn’t do anything to bother you but James was the only person
I could think of last night and we—well, we had nowhere else to go. I
would have gone to Uncle Alphard but we needed to Apparate and well, I
don’t know how to, yet.”

“Alphard reached out to us to learn if you two were safe,” chimed in

Euphemia. “You can Floo him whenever you’d like but I gave him an
update.”

“You know Uncle Alphard?” said Sirius excitedly.

“Well of course m’boy,” smiled Fleamont. “He is the only Black besides
you two and Andromeda that I can hold a conversation with without
wanting to hex them.”

“Fleamont!”

“What?” he asked his wife with a grin, winking at Reg and Sirius. “I am
only being truthful.”

Regulus stayed silent for the rest of the breakfast. He drank loads of tea and
smiled politely as he acted like he was listening to the conversations they
were having. As they approached the end of their meal Euphemia made a
small gesture with her wand to send the dishes to the sink and got up.

“Let’s go Sirius,” she said with urgency. “We need to tend your wounds.”

“It’s nothing, it will heal by tonight.”

“Sirius!”

“Yes, Mrs. Potter,” he said and got up defeatedly.

“And I need to be checking a new formula for Sleakeazy’s,” began
Fleamont as he moved to leave the kitchen. “You’re more than welcome if
you want to join but I reckon it would be boring for you.”

“If it’s alright with you I would love to get some air outside,” said Regulus
without lifting his stare from the carpet on the floor.

“Of course Regulus,” he said and took his leave. Reg started walking
towards the corridor to go out to the back yard.

“Mind if I join you?” asked James softly and Reg would mind it, he just
needed some time to clear his head but instead he lied.

“No, come along.”

They went out and it was chilly again but Reg felt good with the cold
against his skin. James had grabbed a sweatshirt as they walked out and was
trying to wear it. Reg slowly sat down on one of the dry chairs on the patio
and started watching the dark clouds.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Sorry?”

“There’s something on your mind.”

“Well, yeah” Reg grumbled. “Wouldn’t you have several things on your
mind if you were in my shoes? We just ran away from the only place we
called home and now we’re here and it’s going to get even messier.”

“Are you always this sarcastic?”

“No, only when people ask stupid questions.”

“I am only trying to talk to you Reg,” declared James and threw his hands
up. “I don’t know how to make you comfortable and it’s making me
nervous. I am not used to people feeling out of place when they are in my
vicinity.”
“Don’t expect me to be friends with you in two days, Potter,” Reg
commented. “We may be acquainted with each other but I only know you
through Siri. Excuse me if I’m not like my brother.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to be,” sighed James and he leaned back in his
chair, defeated. “I was—I was just trying to be nice.”

“Well, A for effort I guess.”

“Thanks,” he replied and they sat in silence for a while before Sirius burst
out the door.

“James!” he yelled excitedly. “Your mother said you needed to sort out the
mess in the attic and asked me to help you. I have never done shit like this
before, let’s go.”

“Reg, are you coming?” asked James after Sirius ran back inside but the
tone of his voice sounded like he knew the answer.

“Actually, I’d rather stay alone for a while.”

“Okay,” he replied. “We’ll be in the attic if you need us.”

“Hmm.”

Chapter End Notes

idiots to friends to idiots to lovers is the hill I will die on

 Chapter 3
Chapter Notes

i wanted to write the situation from james' pov in this chapter, it won't
happen very frequently but I just needed someone to observe from the
outside - hope you guys like it
See the end of the chapter for more notes

James had no idea how the past few days came to be. First he had two boys
standing at his door with mud all over them. Next, they were having
breakfast all together. Then, Reg blew him off for no fucking reason. Now,
his dad was having a screaming match with someone through the Floo to
keep the Black brothers safe.

“This is our fault,” whispered Regulus looking as if he was about the start
rocking back and forth like a small child. “He is in this position because of
us.”

James didn’t say anything because there was no lie to that statement in the
sense that it was due to their showing up that his dad was currently having a
very heated argument. His father knew this was about to happen sooner or
later and he was prepared for it. Actually, he was surprised it took two days
before hell was unleashed on their household. Everyone expected this,
everyone except Regulus and Sirius it seemed. Reg kept staring at the carpet
below his feet, never met James’ or anyone else’s eyes for that matter and it
drove James mad that he couldn’t get through to the boy. James had always
been the one everyone could trust and be friends with. A werewolf, a bullied
kid and well, Sirius was in his own league. Getting through to Regulus had
become a competition for him now and he was planning to succeed whether
the younger Black brother liked it or not.

James had tried being funny, being empathetic and even being desperate but
nothing had worked in the past two days. He had no problem with Sirius
being around all the time because they already spent most of their time
together but if Regulus was going to stay around, there had to be some kind
of friendship between them. It was impossible for James to ignore anyone
even if it was easy for Regulus to do so. He didn’t expect much but he
wanted to be able to hold a conversation with Reg if this was the situation
they were going to be in from now on. James thought maybe Reg half-
expected to be back home before the school started therefore he doesn’t
need to form any relationships beside the bare minimum. As far as James
could tell though, his parents were not about to go and drop the kids back at
their home because Fleamont and Euphemia had no tolerance regarding
abuse. His parents had tried their best to give James the best life he could
ever have and since they couldn’t have as many kids as they wanted, they
were very passionate about helping children in need. The fact that they
couldn’t have as many children as they wanted made them even more wary
of those who didn’t appreciate their children and hurt them in any way. If it
was a complete stranger and wasn’t Sirius who came knocking at their door,
Euphemia and Fleamont would have let them stay in their house, too,
because that was just who they were.

The screaming match was continuing as heatedly as it began and Regulus

was looking worse every passing minute. James turned to look at Sirius
who tried to look nonchalant but was failing miserably. He didn’t say
anything as they kept on trying to listen to what James’ father was saying.
They couldn’t make out the words but it was pretty obvious there was a
problem.

“Okay,” began James, louder than he intended to. “Enough with this shit,
let’s go outside and get some fresh air.”

Neither of them replied to James’ suggestion instead, they both dug their
fingers into their ivory skins and kept looking at the carpet.

“Oi! The carpet is always there. Now let’s go!” he yelled as if he was giving
directions to the Gryffindor Quidditch team and it worked. They both got
up and dragged their feet through the corridors to make it to the patio. It
still was chilly outside but none of them seemed to care. James realised he
had to give a speech, he was good at giving speeches, at least that was what
he was told, and this moment called for a speech.
“You both really need to stop acting like this is your fault,” he said softly,
letting them sit while he stood in front of them. Reg looked up just to roll
his eyes, Sirius didn’t even react to what James just said.

“It’s not your fault,” he repeated reassuringly. “It’s your parents’ fault and it
will always be their fault. You both haven’t done anything wrong, promise.”

“Well,” sighed Sirius. “If we didn’t do anything wrong, why is your dad
having the time of his life upstairs?”

“That’s not because of you,” said James before he realised how stupid that
would sound. “That sounded better in my head. What I meant was, that’s
not due to you both being with us. That’s a lie, too but… That’s because my
dad would rather scream at anyone who says that you both should be sent
back rather than send you back to that… that place.”

“It’s our home Potter,” hissed Reg with burning eyes. James never knew
grey could burn. “You can say it.”

“No,” shot back Sirius as he pushed his fingers through his hair. “It never
was Reg, it was just somewhere we were born and were kept in.”

“At least no one fought over us,” murmured Reg with guilt in his voice.

“Because we had to fight for ourselves and look where that got us,” replied
Sirius as he touched the scar on his cheek.

“It could have just been you but you had to drag me with you,” said
Regulus and now James could sense the malice in his voice. James thought
Reg could cause pain solely with his words if he wanted to, that was
something he inherited from his mother and that was a characteristic that
made him dangerous. “I never asked you to save me, I could have
managed.”

“Oh, sure,” laughed Sirius in a way that made James’ blood freeze. He
knew that laugh, he had heard it before and nothing good ever happened
after that. “Getting the Mark was the dream for you, then?”
“STOP TALKING ABOUT THE GODDAMN MARK!” shouted Reg and
before James knew both of them were on their feet and mere inches away
from each other.

“Why does it bother you so much, Reg?” asked Sirius slowly. His eyes were
darker than James had ever seen them. “Why does it bother you so bloody
much to talk about the Mark? Were you going to get it? Was that the
endgame?”

“BETTER ME THAN YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE PRICK!”

Sirius’ eyes widened as he took a step back and looked at his brother
incredulously. James had never seen him this stunned and that was saying
something since he had Stupefied him several times. Sirius slowly sat back
down and lifted his head up to look at his brother. He seemed so small, the
Sirius that was trying to hurt his brother a moment ago was gone and now, a
broken boy was sitting in the garden chair.

“You don’t mean that,” he blabbered, that was all he could say before he
started rubbing his eyes. “You can’t mean that.”

Reg walked slowly by his side and got on his knees before him as a father
would with his child. He held onto his brothers arms and tried to catch his
eyes but it seemed impossible. James wasn’t sure if it was shame, anger or
both but James had only seen this part of Sirius once and that wasn’t a good
memory. It reminded James that he hadn’t let the others know of Sirius’
whereabouts, not that Remus of all people would have wanted to know.
Maybe it was the combination of last year’s events and this, but Sirius never
seemed so small.

Reg was trying to help him catch his breath and get a grip but it proved
impossible. James slowly sank next to Reg and looked at him with pleading
eyes. Regulus moved slightly so James could assume the same position as
him. He reached through Sirius’s arms to pull him into a hug so he could let
it go. James knew Sirius like the back of his hand and he knew crying was
something he had trouble with. Sirius didn’t cry much but James knew
crying helped him a lot. He had once told James that crying had always
been a problem with Walburga who thought it was a sign of weakness and
Blacks weren’t allowed to be weak. The moment Sirius put his head in the
crook of James’ neck, he started shaking and James could feel his t-shirt get
wetter by the minute. James turned his stare to Regulus, who was now
sitting on the floor like a toddler, and saw the shock on his face. He figured
Reg probably had never seen Sirius cry, or cry like this, but James had had
to deal with this several times throughout their Hogwarts adventures.

“I n-never meant for th-this to h-happen,” stuttered Sirius in between his

hiccups. “I never wanted you to suffer, never meant to hurt Moons… I
never meant to put Reg through this. I’m a nuisance to anyone who has the
misfortune to meet me.”

“No,” replied James as he rubbed his back softly. “No, you don’t say shit
like that to me, Pads.”

“But I am.”

“No,” he argued. “You are an idiot at times but you are not a nuisance; not
to me and not to Reg. Right, Reg?”

James tried to reach out to Regulus who was staring blankly at the garden
and not his brother. He tried to nudge him with his feet but couldn’t manage
to.

“Right, Reg?” asked James again but with a louder voice this time.

“Huh? Yes, yes of course.”

They stood like that for another five minutes before Sirius pulled himself
back and James let himself go to sit on the floor like Regulus did. Reg
looked at him like he wanted to say “thank you” but didn’t have it in him to
do so but James smiled back regardless to say “no worries”. Like Reg had
said, they weren’t going to be friends in two days but at one point, Reg was
going to have to accept the fact that now they were in his house and that
there were some rules like the fact that no one could ignore James Potter. If
it was a breakdown that meant Reg would take him seriously as someone
who was trying to get to know him and befriend him well, then that was
fine. They were all staring at each other and James wasn’t going to be the
one to break the silence this time.

“Sirius I’m—” began Reg and looked at James before looking at his
brother.

“I can leave if you want me to,” said James moving to get up, thinking
Reg’s look was a cue he should take.

“No,” objected Reg as he shook his head. “You should… you should stay,
you are part of our drama now.”

James returned this with a smile and got a smile back from Reg. He then
realised the difference between Sirius and Regulus. Their facial features
were very similar due to centuries of inbreeding but Regulus’ eyes were a
slightly darker grey than Padfoot’s and James never had realised that
before. Their stare lingered for a moment before James gestured for
Regulus to finish his sentence.

“Siri, I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “I always figured you would leave
someday and I thought if I behaved and did whatever they wanted me to do
well, then you would be safe. All these times you protected me from their
wrath and I just wanted to return the favour.”

“That Mark is no way to return a favour Reg,” responded Sirius, looking

into their eyes for the first time in what felt like forever. “I would have
rathered die than to let you get that Mark.”

“Can we just say you both love each other very much and stop talking about
dying for each other?” James chimed in to lighten the mood. “All this talk
about death and you-know-whatever-the-fuck has made me hungry. Lunch?”

He got up and cleaned the dust from his pants and stretched his hand to the
Black brother on the floor. Reg took it without hesitation. James 1, Reg’s
stubbornness 0. When they were both up Sirius gave his brother a hug as if
he was trying to break his bones.
“Okay Pads,” laughed James as he patted him on the back. “You both are
doing fine finally. Now is not the time to break his ribs… or you know
what? Break them, less competition for me on the Quidditch field.”

“I think you meant ‘less competition for Gryffindor’. You are not even the
Seeker,” smirked Reg. “How am I a competition to you?”

“I’ll have you know, Black, I am the captain,” replied James, raising his
eyebrow.

“Makes no sense,” he said picking up speed towards the kitchen. “You just
wanted to show off.”

“If you two are flirting, I will throw up,” said Sirius from the kitchen. Reg
stopped in his tracks and they both gave each other a terrified look because
that wasn’t what was happening, it was just banter. When they entered the
kitchen Sirius had a disgusting grin on his face. “I’m only kidding, of
course,” was all that came out of his mouth before he gave a knowing look
to him.

James had an inkling that Sirius wasn’t kidding but genuinely felt that way
which was obviously an exaggeration of Reg and James’ non-existent,
struggling friendship. James thought about this while trying to keep up with
the conversation they were having at the lunch table but his mind was
already occupied with what Sirius had said. He kept playing the past two
days in his mind for no reason other than the fact that maybe his
competition with himself about befriending Reg was getting out of hand,
maybe he was doing too much. When James said they needed to have some
sort of friendship with Regulus so they can live in the same house, this
definitely wasn’t what he had planned. James shook his head and made
himself realise through several well-thought-out arguments that Sirius was
just being an arsehole for the sake of being one and there was nothing else.
James was being an absolute idiot for trying to figure out what he meant
and he should let it go. So he did.

Chapter End Notes

*takes a deep breath*
idiots to friends to idiots to lovers
we got this
 Chapter 4
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Regulus Black had never been a person of feelings. From the tender age of
three, he had been taught that feelings were unnecessary, the only thing you
needed was loyalty, loyalty to your family, loyalty to your blood and loyalty
to your master. Regulus hadn’t been aware of other feelings before he came
to Hogwarts. Sirius had always been more enthusiastic, dramatic and
talkative than Regulus. Regulus understood their family values and acted
accordingly which was boring for Sirius but Regulus didn’t care, if he was
safe from their wrath then it was fine.

Regulus first started recognising other feelings than loyalty and fear the
moment he sat on the stool to be sorted. He had an inexplicable feeling in
his stomach, it was as if someone used Furnunculus on it and it was boiling
on its own. He was feeling nervous thinking about the house he would be
sorted in. Then came second year where he started playing in the Quidditch
team and caught his first Snitch against Ravenclaw. He felt pride and
happiness at the same time, he wrote to his parents with the enthusiasm of a
twelve year old, as anyone would, and didn’t even get a reply back.
Walburga and Orion never approved of extracurricular activities but they
were letting Regulus have this one because he had been such a good boy
when compared to Sirius and he was sorted into Slytherin unlike the older
boy. Each year he had a new revelation; he got heart palpitations from
excitement, he felt ashamed for turning an assignment in late and he felt
like any teenager should… disgusted by anything that moves.

What he felt right now was stupid though. It was stupid because it wasn’t
true. After Sirius said whatever he said and Regulus and James shared that
awkward stare in the corridor, all Reg could think about was whether Sirius
was right and of course, he wasn’t. First of all, why would Potter flirt with
him? He fancied that red head since forever. Second of all, why would Reg
flirt with Potter? Because… Potter? Really? He had several pureblood girls
lined up to marry him which should be more than enough but all Reg could
think of was whether he was being daft for ignoring something that was
there. Was it there, though? Potter was generally a nice person from what he
has heard (obviously not from Slytherins) and Regulus was his best friend’s
little brother so it was only normal for him to be nicer to him. Also, they
had showed up covered in mud a week ago at their doorsteps so obviously
Potter pitied him, too. Regulus had tried so hard to tell himself that he was
making up things that weren’t there. Things like the fact that Potter had
checked him out that first time he walked into his bedroom or the fact that
he always was in contact with him somehow but all these things were
probably in Reg’s imagination and nowhere else.

How would it be though, if Potter was actually flirting with him and Reg
was flirting back? What would Sirius say? He probably wouldn’t care since
he was the one who started this whole shitshow in Reg’s mind and Sirius
wasn’t the problem that worried Regulus the most. If Regulus so much as
held Potter’s hand in public, his parents would disown him before he could
say Quidditch. Their reaction to Sirius dating Remus was one for the “How
Not To Parent” books and if they found out their other son was also gay and
was in a relationship with a blood traitor, Reg didn’t know what would
happen. His imagination wasn’t wide enough to envision the chaos that
would ensue.

Reg thought about it, would he care if it came down to it? If he found true
happiness in someone who loved him for whoever he was and accepted him
with his past and his defects, would he care what his parents thought?
Would he ruin a good thing because he was so scared of their reaction?
Would he be brave enough to say “this is who I love and if you can’t accept
that then I guess this is it” like Sirius did? Would he ever meet someone
who is worth this? Would Potter be worth this? Probably.

Reg didn’t know why he was thinking about this or why he thought Potter
would be his salvation. Reg had never liked anyone let alone loved
someone. He didn’t know what it was he was feeling when Potter was
sitting too close or when he was asking questions no one asked before. He
would try to put into words what he felt when he expected him to walk into
his room every morning because that’s what he did, without missing a beat,
every single morning since the Black brothers came. He walked in, said
“good morning”, smiled and went in Sirius’ room to wake him up. Every
morning the first person Reg saw was James and he found out that this,
surprisingly, didn’t bother him one bit. Reg liked this routine, it was one of
the main things that made him settle in easier, something that made it feel
like home. Even if there wasn’t something else like Sirius jokingly said
there was, this routine calmed Regulus’ nerves because he had been on edge
since Mr. Potter had that fight with whoever that day but he seemed to
manage the situation better than anyone else Regulus knew.

Potters had been a blessing but their son had an interesting effect on
Regulus and he couldn’t deny it. He knew it was too early to like someone
or to fall for them, relationships didn’t happen overnight, at least that was
what he saw from others. People spent months, even years, getting to know
each other before they become lovers but Regulus knew he felt something
and he didn’t want to name it but he also felt like he didn’t care what
regular relationships were like. There was nothing regular about the
situation there were in and sometimes people’s hearts did stupid things.
Regulus thought his was allowed to be an idiot for once in his life. This, of
course, didn’t mean he would act on this feeling but it meant Regulus was
free to dream about how it would be if somehow Potter reciprocated what
he was feeling. How would Slytherin vs Gryffindor matches be if he had a
boyfriend on the rival team that no one knew about? How would they meet
when they were at Hogwarts? He was free to imagine these things without
anyone knowing. He was free to roam free in his mind to see where it takes
Regulus and never tell anyone about it.

That day passed by like a dream as Regulus sat on the porch and watched
James and Sirius fly aimlessly in the garden. The dinner was normal, the
conversations were normal there was nothing out of the ordinary as he
crawled into his bed.

“Reg wake up,” someone whispered urgently in the dark, Reg could feel
two strong hands holding him down but he couldn’t open his eyes even if he
tried to. “You need to open your eyes, wake up.”
Regulus tried to break free of the hold of whoever was holding him down
but they were too strong for him to shake off.

“Reg I’m here,” he assured and Regulus slowly melted into a trembling
mess. “It’s me James. I’m here.”

Reg opened his eyes and saw James Potter hovering over him with no
glasses, his face was pale and panic stricken.

“You were having a nightmare,” he explained as he let go of Regulus’

shoulders. He slowly sat on the side of Reg’s bed. “How Sirius didn't hear
you is beyond me or maybe I’m a light sleeper… well, because we have a
lot of nightmares in our room between Sirius and Remus.”

Regulus just stared at him trying to understand if he was awake or not, he

tried to sit up but he couldn’t.

“So this is how it goes,” he said softly and Regulus kept staring at him
without uttering a single word. “You scoot over and we sleep together.”

“T-that’s h-hardly necesss..” he tried to mumble back in an attempt to keep

him from doing what he was attempting to do.

“This is how we get through nightmares in my house so you either scoot

over or I push you to the side,” he said and Regulus could hear the soft
smile that accompanied that sentence. He slowly scooted to the side and let
James lie next to him. “Now, we sleep. Alright?”

“Right,” Reg answered.

“And Sirius calls you his brother for fuck’s sake,” he said before he turned
on his side. “Night, Reg.”

“Yeah, night,” he replied back in pure shock. As if he would get a minute of

sleep with the walking heater sleeping next to him. He could hear his
breathing, he could feel his pulse through his skin and Potter was expecting
him to sleep. Somehow, with Potter’s magic of soothing his nerves he
thought, Regulus fell back asleep ten minutes later to wake up as a
completely different person tomorrow.

Chapter End Notes

i butchered english while trying to tell you how reg felt. also i know
it's such a boring trope but i'm a sucker for it especially with jegulus
 Chapter 5
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

The sun was coming through the window behind Regulus’ bed as he slowly
tried to open his eyes. His bed was warmer than usual, it felt considerably
smaller, too. Reg had absolutely no idea why it felt like that. He had vague
memories of what happened last night. This always happened when he had
nightmares, he remembered the terror but not what followed. When he tried
to get his arm out to stretch that’s when he noticed his head wasn’t on his
pillow. It was on something that radiated heat, a human maybe? Then it hit
Reg like a ton of bricks. Potter. His head was on his chest, on Potter’s
bloody chest. He could feel his breathing as his chest went up and down
with each shallow breath he took and he was like a supernova with how
warm his skin was. Reg would have said the sun but his mind would have
went to Icarus and well, Reg had to intention of getting burnt. Supernovas
suited Potter better anyways, not that this was important at the moment. He
slowly lifted himself up but that was when he felt his arm around him. It
went above his head and was right on his back which obviously woke
James up.

“Hey,” he said sleepily before realising the position they were in and
slightly jumping up. They spent a moment before James started talking
again. “You’re feeling better?”

“Hmm,” replied Regulus, neither could look each other in the eye. They
both sat up right and put some distance between each other as if they
weren’t cuddling five minutes ago. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“Nonsense,” he said relaxing a little bit but Reg could still see his muscles
tense up. “Nightmares are the worse and from my experience Black
nightmares are unbearable.”

“I can handle it,” shot back Reg, little stronger than he intended to but he
was panicking and had no control over his emotions whatsoever.
“I know you can, Reg,” he assured softly, running a hand through his mess
of a hair. “It doesn’t mean you should have to is all.”

“Thank you for checking in on me,” he murmured. “Not many people

would have done that, let alone spend the night with them.”

“That’s how we do things in the Potter house,” he smiled. “Now I need to

tell you something but don’t laugh please.”

Reg nodded silently and looked at him expectantly. If they could have
banter, whatever happened this morning could be forgotten as quickly and
swiftly as possible.

“I got too freaked out last night and forgot to put my glasses on when I
came to your room,” he said with a grin on his face. “I can’t see shit at the
moment and I think I ran into a door or a wall headfirst last night.”

“You what?! Are you okay?” gasped Reg and his hand want up to check on
James’ face without thinking. He pushed his locks from his forehead to see
if there was any damage. It was too late when he realised what he was
doing but he retreated as normally as he can when he saw James was
holding his breath as Reg was checking for scars.

“It’s nothing,” smirked James. He got that smirk whenever he talked about
Quidditch. “I get hit by Bludgers all the time. If you could either help me
get to my room or please bring me my glasses, that would be peachy.”

“I’ll go get them,” said Reg looking for a reason to get away from him.
Well, not really but for the sake of the current situation they were in. He got
out of the room hastily being careful not to wake Sirius up knowing they
would both be in trouble if Sirius were to find out. He then made his way to
James’ room.

Reg opened the door fully expecting to see a mini Gryffindor Common
Room but he was shocked to see he was completely wrong. The room was
tidier than he thought it would be. The bed was unmade ,obviously, and the
walls weren’t Gryffindor colours like Reg believed they would be. They
were a shade of white that wasn’t as bright and there were many posters of
Quidditch legends on his walls. James also had a wardrobe for the trophies
he had won and a corner where he kept his old jerseys and racing brooms.

Reg made his way to James’ bedside to pick up his glasses and saw a
picture of him from when he was a baby with his family. Euphemia and
Fleamont’s joy could be seen even through a photograph and Reg felt the
hole his parents left in them once again. Reg didn’t have any pictures from
when he was a baby probably because Walburga and Orion felt they were
unnecessary. If Reg had any pictures from his earlier years they were
mostly taken at pretentious balls where he didn’t even look like himself.
Reg took the glasses and left the room as silently as he came to go back to
his own chambers without waking his brother up. Sirius wouldn’t be mad
that they were in the same bed together, he would just make too much fun
of them and Reg felt like neither of them could handle that as they should.

Reg saw that James was still sitting on his bed as he made his way towards
him.

“Bless you,” said James as he put his glasses on. “I really should think
before I act.”

They both laughed at that. Then silence fell again. It wasn’t that it was
uncomfortable however it felt like they needed to talk about it.

“Hey,” began James because Merlin knew Reg wouldn’t have started the
conversation. “I’m sorry if you felt uncomfortable this morning. I didn’t do
it on purpose. You started hyperventilating again and I woke up to check on
you and I was trying to soothe you by running my hand up and down your
arm and then you held onto mine as if you would die if you let go. So I
found a position we would both be slightly more comfortable in and I—”

“Thank you,” whispered Reg. “Thanks James.”

“You’re welcome,” he acknowledged but his eyes were still filled with
worry. “I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable ever in this house and if
I did anything that made you feel like that please say so. I would never want
to make you f—”
“Potter enough,” scolded Reg. “No one, except Sirius, cared for me in my
life. It’s nice to know there’s someone who is willing to run headfirst into a
wall for me.”

“I’m not saying I am willing to do it,” he laughed and his eyes were alight
again. “I’m just saying if it comes down to it, I would do it again. Let’s go
wake Sirius up.”

“You go ahead,” said Reg with a smile, he knew how hard it was to wake
Sirius up. “I will be down in a minute.”

When James left his room, Reg took a deep breath. The room smelled like
the chaser too but that was alright. He opened his window to let the crisp
morning air in and breathed in deeply several times. He hadn’t noticed it
when they were talking but Regulus’ heart was beating like the Snitch’s
wings and he needed to calm himself down. That wasn’t a bad conversation,
on the contrary, it was too good to be true if you asked Regulus. Potter was
genuinely a nicer person than Reg thought he would but and he didn’t know
how to respond to that. He had daydreams about the possibilities but he
never thought Potter would fit into his narrative this beautifully and if this
was the case, if Reg kept dreaming about what could be and if in the end it
didn’t happen, Reg thought he would crash and burn with no return.

Reg closed his window and made his way downstairs to the bathroom. He
splashed his face with cold water several times before going into the
kitchen for breakfast.

They managed to have a eventless breakfast and then the boys got up to go
out to the back patio like they usually did since Black brothers arrived.
Their brooms were waiting for them and Reg hadn’t had the courage to
mount one of them yet. He had missed flying a lot but he wasn’t used to
flying on breaks because his parents never let him indulge his
extracurricular activities back home.

“I think I might fly with you today,” he declared gesturing to the brooms. It
was about time he did what he wanted to do and freed himself of his
parents’ invisible grasp.
“I think I might sit this one out actually,” said Sirius. “My body is used to
flying with James not against him. Every part of me is screaming for help.”

“Drama queen,” laughed James and went to get his broom as Sirius rolled
his eyes. “You’re still down for it, Black?”

“Sure,” he said with a smirk. James was a good Quidditch player but Reg
was probably a better flyer. That’s why he was a Seeker and Potter wasn’t.
“Let’s see what the Gryffindor captain is all about.”

There weren’t any rules to what they were doing but they were trying to
beat each other at getting to certain spots or doing tricky dives that could be
used in actual Quidditch games. Reg noticed James was exceptionally good
at using his body shape to his advantage while doing dives and complicated
turns but Reg was good at learning so towards the end of their flying
session Reg was getting the hang of some of Potter’s special moves.

“You know you can’t use those on the field, right?” he shouted from the
other side of the garden. Reg knew he was quite serious but there was a
wide grin on his face.

“How will you stop me from using them?” asked Reg with a smirk.
Challenging him was the most fun he had in months.

“I will figure out a way,” he grinned back and Reg couldn’t tell if that was a
threat or a promise but he didn’t feel like pushing it any further. It was fun
and games until he had unreciprocated feelings for one Mr. James Potter
and Reg was going to avoid that like the plague. His heart was fragile as is,
he didn’t need to stomp on it and leave it to die.

They played for what felt like hours until Reg couldn’t anymore. James
flew almost every day but Reg had taken a proper month off from flying
when they came back home and he wasn’t ready for this much exercise yet.

“I don’t know why I tried to keep up with you, Potter,” he grunted in

between his shallow breaths. “You will be the end of me.”
James laughed at that and Reg had to join in because he didn’t want to feel
the weight of what he had just said. That sentence worked in two ways.
First, James would be the end of him because Reg couldn’t keep up with
him on a broom. Second, James would be the end of him if Reg ended up
developing stronger feelings for him. Of course, James didn’t know about
the second option so what Reg said sounded funny to him.

As the night time approached Reg felt excited and fearful at the same time.
He was scared because what if he had a nightmare again? He was excited
because what if he had a nightmare again? Was it idiotic to want to have a
nightmare so someone could come and check in on you preferably wearing
their glasses so they don’t ruin their beautiful face? Probably. Did Regulus
want it? Absolutely.

They were sitting in front of the fireplace in the living room before their
bedtime. Sirius seemed more thoughtful than usual and Reg could feeling
something brewing in his mind.

“I have a question,” he blurted out suddenly. “What do you think it will be

like when we go to King’s Cross this September?”

“What do you mean?” asked James as cleaned his glasses with his t-shirt.

“Do you think,” he began with knitted eyebrows, seeming like he didn’t
want to finish that question. “You know—”

“Do you think our parents would come to King’s Cross to get their hands on
us?” Reg finished it for him without a second thought because he couldn’t
stop thinking about it either. It was probably the reason why he had a
nightmare last night. He couldn’t predict their reaction to them or to the
Potter family and he was sincerely scared his birth parents might hurt the
Potters.

“Exactly,” confirmed Sirius as he played with his long hair absentmindedly.

“Mum and dad wouldn’t let them near you,” said James with confidence.
He genuinely seemed to believe in that but Reg found that very naïve. “I am
aware that they are very powerful wizards but underestimating my parents
is a grave mistake.”

Reg and Sirius gave each other a dark stare but they kept silent. Who were
they to dishearten Potter? He was bound to see just how cruel their parents
could get if they showed up on September 1st.

“I think I’m going to bed,” said Sirius with a half-smile. He slowly got up
and they watched him leave with his head hung low.

“I think I might try sleeping, too,” said Reg and moved to get up from the
couch. “Don’t worry about him, we’ve been through worse.”

“I worry about both of you,” he replied softly. “I don’t know what to do

about it either. Just—if you feel like you won’t sleep well tonight, you can
wake me up or just come curl up next to me. Alright?”

“Right,” agreed Reg but his voice came out barely as a whisper. “Night,
Potter.”

“Night, Reg.”

Now Reg had two options. Either he could lie and say he couldn’t sleep and
go sleep next to the walking heater that is James Potter or stay in his room
and behave like he should. After thinking about it for a good ten minutes
staring at the ceiling, Reg decided he should stay put. If he got too invested
in this, he didn’t know the effect it would have on him. Although they
didn’t do anything but sleep together, Regulus felt a lot of new emotions
when he was that close to James and that was treacherous. Reg knew he
was walking on a thin line but there was no point in making it harder for
himself by removing the net while lighting a fire underneath himself and if
he were to have a nightmare, well, that wouldn’t be a decision he made, that
would be just how things worked out.

After this decision was made, Reg got comfortable in his bed and he was
ready to sleep off the Quidditch exhaustion. The moment he put his head on
his pillow he was overcome with the ridiculously sweet and spicy smell of
James Potter. He tried flipping his pillow and cursed Merlin for not being
able to do magic outside of Hogwarts. If he was able to do so he would
have Scourgified the pillow in mere seconds and try to sleep peacefully.
However as things stood, he had sleep inhaling the intoxicating smell of the
Gryffindor captain. As he was drifting away his mind was racing with the
thoughts of today and what tomorrow could bring.

Chapter End Notes

i actually /loved/ writing this chapter and i hope you love it as much as
i do!
 Chapter 6
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

It was such a lovely feeling being surrounded by one of the nicest smells
Reg knew of. He opened his eyes stared at the door and saw James Potter
by the door frame with a huge grin on his face as usual.

“Morning, Reg,” he said with his voice still hoarse.

“Morning,” he replied back with a smile, not something he does usually.

“Well look who is in a chipper mood,” he laughed and walked in casually to

sit on his bed. “I assume you had a good night’s sleep?”

“I believe it was one of the best ones I had in a while,” he answered while
yawning. Although he wished James ended up next to him, he was also glad
he didn’t have a nightmare that scared the living shit out of him. James
Potter was worth a lot of things but Reg wasn’t sure if he was worth the
horror he experienced, yet.

“I’m glad you didn’t have another nightmare,” he added softly. His voice
had something to it that made Reg feel like James truly did care about him
and wasn’t just faking it for ulterior motives, whatever they may be.

“They are lurking somewhere in there Potter,” he confided grimly. “I know

they are but last night, they let me sleep.”

“I’m here whenever they decide to bother you,” he assured once again and
he moved to put his hand on Reg’s arm but decided not to a second later.
Reg only wished he did just so he could feel the warmth of James’s skin but
he tried to keep a poker face regardless. “Breakfast?”

Reg nodded in reply and got out of the bed to get dressed for breakfast.
James moved onto his brother’s room to wake him up next. James always
woke Sirius up in the loudest ways possible, very contrary to how he woke
up Reg, he appreciated that a lot.

When they went down to have some breakfast they saw Euphemia and
Fleamont sitting around the table with gloomy looks on their faces. Reg
knew instantly that it had something to do with their parents.

“What did they do?” he croaked without even sitting on the table.

“They went to the Wizengamot,” replied Fleamont. Reg liked that he was
blunt and gave it to them straight. He loved that Fleamont never treated
them as children but as people who can take care of themselves. He never
treated them as fragile beings. “Well not to the Wizengamot officially but
they are pulling all the strings they can. They complained about us saying
we kidnapped you.”

“Bollocks!” yelled Sirius in sudden rage.

“Sirius, language!” shot back Euphemia and Sirius, for the first time in his
life probably, looked ashamed of himself.

“No need to panic,” explained Fleamont as he took a sip from his tea. “I
have talked to my contacts in Wizengamot, we gave them Euphemia’s
memories from the night you arrived, told them we would testify with
Veritaserum if we have to…”

“YOU DON’T!” shouted Sirius once again interrupting the older man.
Fleamont gave him a look that sent shivers down even Regulus’ spine.”

“Let me finish, son,” he cautioned coolly. For the first time since they
arrived, Reg could easily tell Fleamont’s age. He was acting collected but
the darkness around his eyes told a completely different story and Reg
never felt so grateful for him before this. This family, with all they were
doing for the Black brothers, deserved the world and nothing less. “We said
we would do it because we have no intentions of sending either of you back
to them. Walburga is hellbent on getting you back Regulus.”
“Of course she would be,” sneered Reg. “Of course, she would want me
back.”

“We are not sending Reg back right?” gasped James, his voice was filled
with genuine concern and it made Reg’s heart flutter even in this situation.
“We can’t send him back.”

“We are not sending anyone, anywhere,” said Fleamont, his voice
commanding and strong. “Except to Hogwarts, when the time comes. Now,
all of you sit down and drink some tea, please. You are on edge and it’s
tiring, this situation is as demanding as it is.”

“Yessir” was what came out of their mouths simultaneously as they found
their places around the table. James was shaking his legs violently while
Sirius stared at the empty plate before him.

“I don’t think it will come down to us testifying,” continued Fleamont,

holding is gigantic and piping hot teacup. “However, we have to be ready
when we go back on 1st of September. Walburga is more than ready to make
this ugly and I don’t want to risk her using this as an excuse to use magic in
front of Muggles.”

“She would do that, dad?” asked James incredulously.

“Sure she would, son,” replied his dad. “She would like nothing more than
being out in the open and not in hiding. Sacred 28 finds the International
Statute of Secrecy limiting and humiliating for Wizarding kind. They
believe we are superior and therefore deserve to do whatever we please.”

“Arseholes,” whispered Sirius but the kitchen was so silent that it was
impossible for it to go unheard.

“Sirius you will use proper words in my house or so help me Merlin you
will clean the outside shack on your own,” threatened Euphemia. They were
used to being threatened but there were kindness in Mrs. Potter’s eyes
instead of fury. Her threat wasn’t meant to hurt Sirius, it was meant to
enforce a logical rule that Sirius should follow. Reg didn’t fear Euphemia,
he respected her however, he feared Walburga and she mistook that for
respect for the longest time. Maybe this would open her eyes but Reg
doubted that.

“Maybe we should go separately,” suggested Reg, cutting through the

silence.

“And offer you as bait?” scolded James, looking at him as if he had lost his
mind.

“Not as bait per se but you would be safer.”

“Well, I don’t want to be safe if you are in danger,” he said and Reg felt his
heart try to beat out of his chest. It sounded like everyone in the room had
disappeared and they were having a conversation between themselves.
Neither wanted the other to get hurt and were willing to put themselves in
danger in order to protect the other. This is not a fairytale.

“We will figure something out boys,” assured Fleamont with a soft smile as
he pushed his hair back. “For now let’s eat.”

The more they flew together, the more Reg felt like James Potter was the
only driving force behind Gryffindor. The way he moved impressed
Regulus to no limits and he felt like he was learning a lot from him
although that wasn’t James’ intention. He only had two intentions when he
was on a broom; to play and to win. All those complex emotions he had
outside of the field boiled down to two when he was the Chaser of his
Quidditch team.

Their days had a routine now. Breakfast, flying, lunch, helping with the
house chores or flying, dinner, chatting and playing games by the chimney
and going to sleep. It was a nice routine, Regulus wasn’t bored and he felt
safe in the Potter Manor. He felt safe because James was there. This boy
that he barely knew instilled this feeling in him and Reg couldn’t let it go,
not that he wanted to.
However he also knew, all good things came to an abrupt end. When they
went back to Hogwarts, there was no way James would treat him the way
he did know and there was no way Reg could hang out with Gryffindors the
way he did now if he wanted to survive in the Slytherin Common Room.
Not that any of them would dare touch a Black but Reg liked that no one
tried to bother him or talked behind his back and if by some miracle James
continued his friendship with him, that would all be gone.

By the day had come to an end and Reg was lying in his bed all alone,
thoughts of what could happen on 1st of September started creeping into his
mind and darkened his thoughts. He wasn’t afraid of what their parents
might do to them, he knew what they were capable of but the Potters didn’t
and if any of them got hurt because of Reg and Sirius, Reg didn’t know if
he could forgive himself ever. The thought of Walburga doing anything to
James because he was less capable of protecting himself became Reg’s
worst fear in mere minutes. He could feel his body tense up and his skin go
cold. This was the perfect time to take James up on that offer and maybe
save himself from the trouble of waking up screaming in the middle of the
night.

Reg waited for a while before he slowly got out his bed. He wanted to make
sure Sirius was asleep before walking across to the Gryffindor Chaser’s
room.

Reg didn’t know if he should knock the door or if he should just barge in.
He slowly opened the door and looked inside to check if James was awake.
The boy shuffled in his bed and turned towards the door with narrowed
eyes.

“Pads, is that you?” he mumbled, barely awake.

“Um, no.”

“Oh, Reg, hi,” he replied trying to find his glasses in a hurry. “Are you
okay?”

“I’m not,” he said, his voice trembling. “Talks about 1st of September really
took its toll on me. I was wondering if I could take you up on that offer to
sleep next to you?”

“Of course you can Reggie,” he said softly and scooted over to the other
side. “Make yourself comfortable. I got you.”

Regulus lied next to James, putting distance between them placing himself
as further away from James as possible. He didn’t want James to get the
wrong idea. Reg was truly scared of a nightmare tonight but he was also
craving the effect James had on him. The feeling of safety and the feeling of
being cared about. Now in this bed with him, feeling heat radiate from his
dark skin, Reg felt like whatever may come during his sleep would hurt him
less. Maybe it was irrational for him to feel this way but he wasn’t
complaining about the way his mind was working at the moment.

Chapter End Notes

hi yes this is slow burn calling, even I'm tired

i'm not
 Chapter 7
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

What would his mother say? What would she say if she saw her only son,
that she accepts to be of her blood now, was lying next to a blood traitor?
James Potter and his family were blood traitors, there was no doubt about
that. They weren’t as bad as Mudbloods, obviously but still they wanted to
taint magic blood. Walburga had a different level of hatred regarding the
Potters feeling they were the ones to make Sirius the way he is when he had
been this way since Reg could remember. Walburga thought the Potters
took her heir and she wanted revenge since forever. What would she say if
she saw her other son, the one who was meant to become the heir, seek
refuge in the Potter boy? Reg didn’t have a clue. He didn’t have the
imagination to understand the wrath she would have if she were to find out.

Maybe she though Reg wanted to come back home but couldn’t because of
the Potters, maybe she really believed that. That was really stupid of her but
maybe she hoped she could still make a proper son out of Regulus. She had
lost that fight a long abo with Sirius but never accepted it until a few weeks
back and now, she probably had a hard time accepting Reg was turning out
the way the other Black boy did. Pity. They could have been a lovely family
if Walburga wasn’t as batshit crazy. They could have had what the Potters
have only if their hearts weren’t filled with hate.

As Reg was thinking about all the ways his family was fucked up, James
shuffled in his sleep. His limbs were long, and the bed wasn’t wide enough
for two people his size and Reg was very slightly shorter than he was.
James was on his side at the beginning and now he was lying on his back
with his arms folded behind his head as if he was sunbathing, the boy had
the weirdest habits but Reg found them charming. It was quite hard for Reg
to feel comfortable with people other than Sirius but in this moment, Reg
felt James provided him with the same feeling of relief that his brother did
but there was something more to James obviously. He was radiating heat
like the sun and Reg felt the warmth on his skin and it made him feel home.
He didn’t have any idea where his home was but this, his dark skin against
is almost transparent one, felt what people described as home.

September 1st was approaching quite fast and it was becoming evident that
it wouldn’t be a normal day as everyone hoped it would be. Everyone knew
that, they just didn’t say anything. Fleamont and Euphemia never talked
about it because they didn’t want to scare the Black brothers and Sirius
chose to ignore it. James, on the other hand, knew something would go
down but he was also very sure that whatever it was, they would get
through it no matter what. The boy had enough hope to save the world.

Reg tried to shuffle slowly to settle and sleep but not knowing the room his
hand hit James’ bedside lamp, startling the Gryffindor chaser.

“Mm, Reg?”

“Yeah, sorry,” mumbled Reg softly.

“Issokay,” whispered James as he got his hand from behind his head and
slowly played with Reg’s hair without even opening his eyes. Reg froze in
shock but he also felt the familiar tingle whenever James got too close take
over his body. He then turned on his side to continue his slumber.

It was a very simple gesture which didn’t mean much to him but it meant
the world to Reg. It was probably a way for James to show he was there but
Reg never had anyone do anything like that before. Maybe Reg wasn’t to
read into this but he was going to regardless. His logic was starting to take
the backseat recently as he started trusting his heart more and more. It was a
mistake but Reg was willing to take the risk.

“WAKE UP YOU F-“ yelled Sirius as he entered through the door of James
Potter’s room and stopped in his tracks the moment his eyes landed on Reg.
“ What?”
James was trying to find his glasses over Reg on his bedside table as Sirius
was still staring at them.

“Good morning you arsehole,” said James calmly, as if this was all normal.
“How did you wake up?”

“Did you have a nightmare?” asked Sirius completely ignoring what James
was saying.

“Yeah,” mumbled Reg.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“James woke up himself,” he replied feeling his skin warm up with shame.
He could feel Sirius was feeling bad about not being there for him.

“He always does,” smiled Sirius slightly. Reg could tell he had experienced
this before, several times on different occasions. He could see this was
something James did all the time. “You okay now?”

“Kinda,” said Reg as he pulled himself up from the bed, Sirius came and sat
next to him. “I just didn’t want to put the weight of how I feel on you, too. I
know between this and Remus, you’re worn out.”

“It’s… it’s fine,” he stuttered. Even the mere mention of Remus’ name
made Sirius look smaller. Reg knew what happened but he didn’t know
what was the situation between the boys. All he knew was if Remus were to
reject Sirius completely, there was no going back for Sirius, the darkness
would consume him whole if he lost the werewolf. “I know how James’ bed
helps you fall asleep. Been there done that.”

“It’s not the bed Pads,” smirked James as he gestured to himself with his
fingers. “It’s all me.”

“He is modest, too,” added Reg with a grin that made the Gryffindor Chaser
laugh. “He’s been very helpful.”

“I got you,” he reminded. “I told you as long as you stay here, I got your
back.”
As long as you stay here sounded like curse words to Reg because it showed
him the threat of losing James Potter once they went back to Hogwarts. Reg
always knew this was a possibility but he never knew James would say it
out loud.

The trip to Hogwarts got closer and closer and Regulus fell deeper and
deeper. He fell into the pit of despair he felt because he didn’t want to
confront his parents but also he fell into the comfort James Potter created
for him. He didn’t know what was going to happen at King’s Cross but
somehow he was more scared of what would happen when they made it to
Hogwarts.

Chapter End Notes

next chapter we're going to Hogwarts y'all

 Chapter 8
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

The bed felt like a black hole on the morning of 1st of September. Usually
Reg would be slightly relieved because he would be leaving home for a
while but today was a different story. James came to wake him up as
always, his nightmares had taken a break and Reg thought sleeping next to
the Chaser was the same as professing his undying love for him which was
obviously not true but Reg had a knack for exaggeration and drama
courtesy of his family. Blacks liked their drama and that’s why Reg was as
scared as he was on this lovely autumn day.

The weather was surprisingly good even though it had been raining for the
past few days in Godric’s Hollow. Reg had already made his bags and fit
the books James gave him from his previous years, too. Sirius and Reg
hadn’t been allowed to go to Diagon Alley so all of their book shopping had
been done by the Potters. James had been kind enough to give him his old
books with notes on them that he thought would help Reg out this year. His
writing was a mess but Reg appreciated his thoughtfulness. The reason they
weren’t allowed to go was because they might run into their cousins and
their families and create unnecessary tension in the Diagon Alley.

Both Reg and Sirius weren’t very talkative as they sat around the table for
breakfast. Just when Fleamont put his newspaper down, the door rang. He
got up his chair and went to the door to get it. It was unlike him to open the
door himself but Reg didn’t say anything.

“I’m glad you were able to make some time today for us,” he said to the
stranger and Reg could hear him slap the newcomer on his back the way he
did. “I heard some very good things about you, it’s refreshing to see an
Auror as dedicated and as smart as you are Alastor. Are those scars new?”
“Ah yes sir,” laughed Alastor. The man was tall with broad shoulders.
Despite some of the scars on his face, he was good-looking. He had blonde
hair and his blue eyes shined with curiosity and genuine respect when he
looked at Fleamont. “We had a run in with some rogue Goblins but I will
survive. I was glad to hear you asked for me specifically.”

“Well, this is not your usual tempo,” he smiled showing him a place to sit.
“But I need someone I can trust and well, I trust you.”

“Just because it’s not usual Auror work, doesn’t mean it’s not important,
sir,” he replied and turned to the boys. “James’ father and I worked on a
case together a few years back, just when I had become an Auror. One
could say your dad saved my career and my left arm.”

“Dad!” yelled James with excitement. “I don’t remember you working with
Aurors! That’s amazing!”

“Because I kept it a secret,” answered Fleamont. “You don’t go around

telling you work with Aurors, son, that’s not very smart.”

“He is right, James,” winked Alastor, he had a mischievous look to him but
it felt like he could be very scary if he wanted to.

“He knows my name!” mouthed James excitedly. Seeing him excited

brought immense joy to Regulus, it was like watching a five year old fly for
the first time.

“Sirius and Regulus, this is Alastor,” introduced Fleamont and the Auror
gave them a small smile. “He will be with us today in case anything goes
wrong. Now, his existence does not mean your parents will do something
but if they do, having an Auror with us is going to, at least, inhibit them
from doing something royally idiotic like performing magic in front of
Muggles and if it comes down to it, at least we can act fast.”

The boys nodded in unison but didn’t make a sound.

“You both need to stop acting like whatever is going on is your fault,”
interfered Euphemia and she put her hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Whatever
happens today happens and we will do our best to end up with the least
damages. Deal?”

“Deal,” they both murmured and they got up to get ready for their move to
King’s Cross.

“Have you all Apparated before?” asked Alastor as he checked his wand
and other belongings.

“We have,” said Sirius for both of them and James nodded in agreement.
“Our parents used to take us to King’s Cross by Apparition each time.”

“I threw up the first time around,” confessed James with a huge grin on his
face. “But I’m better now.”

“Alright then,” he gave James a reassuring pat on the back before

continuing. “James you’re with me and Regulus can go with Mrs. Potter
and sir, if you could accompany Sirius then we are all set.”

Euphemia walked by Reg’s side and smiled at him softly. Her features made
Regulus feel warm inside, like the first time he felt sun on his skin. She
made him feel like even if something went wrong, she would be the first
one to help him get up and fix things. Reg thought that was probably what
having a mother felt like.

“Are you ready, dear?” she asked, knowing full well Reg wasn’t ready.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he replied trying to look self-confident but
failing miserably.

Euphemia then put her hand around Reg's shoulder as if she was going to
hug him and spun around herself gently, Reg felt the familiar pull of
Apparition and landed on his feet seconds later.

“That was the easiest side-apparition I was involved in,” smiled Reg. Even
the way they performed magic had differences with Walburga and it showed
in situations like this.
“I’m glad,” she smiled back and ruffled his hair gently. She looked around
them to see if there was anything wrong and then started walking in the
others’ direction. As they approached Reg realised James looked pale.

“James, you okay?” he asked unable to hid the concern in his voice.

“Apparition is not one of my strongest suits,” mumbled Alastor trying to

make sure James was doing alright, he looked genuinely sad. “Sorry, I
really am trying to get better.”

“No that’s fine,” whispered James as he gained composure of himself. “I’m

fine, this is fine.”

The adults were on edge but nothing seemed wrong as they walked towards
Platform 9 ¾. Muggles stared but that was always to be expected, they were
carrying three broomsticks and an owl. As they got ready to walk through
the passage to the platform, Reg felt relieved that his parents didn’t show up
and he could see the same relief on Sirius’ face. However the adults didn’t
seem to think so as they checked and rechecked everything.

“We’ll go through in pairs as we did with Apparition,” announced Alastor

and took James by his side before they could even nod. “See you on the
other side.”

James and Alastor went through and then Sirius and Fleamont disappeared
into thin air. Finally Reg and Euphemia started walking towards the wall,
before finding themselves on Platform 9 ¾. The platform was crowded
beyond belief and it was really hard to see anyone in this mess and Reg felt
thankful for that.

“Come along,” said Fleamont with urgency. “Let’s get you all into a
compartment and call it a day.”

They pushed through the crowd as fast as they can but before they could
reach the train Reg felt a shiver go down his spine.

“Oh there you are,” came Walburga’s sound mere seconds later. Reg hid
behind the first person he found lest his mother saw him. “I was worried
these… people wouldn’t get you to the platform on time.”

“Hello Walburga,” said Fleamont with his voice as cold as ice. “Hadn’t
heard from you in the longest time. Do you have any other made-up stories
you would like to share with the public about my family or are we going to
be civilised today?”

Walburga stared at them dumb-founded. Reg was hiding behind Alastor as

best as he can, trying to avoid his mother’s scathing stares. He saw Sirius
hid behind Euphemia the same way he did.

“Won’t you at least let me see my sons, Euphemia?” she sneered. Reg
couldn’t see her face but he could hear her disgust. “How would you feel if
your boy was stolen from you and you couldn’t see him for weeks?”

“They didn’t steal us you vile woman,” shouted Sirius before anyone could
do anything to stop him. “We ran! We ran away FROM YOU!”

The whole platform was watching them, this was what Reg wanted to
avoid, Reg didn’t want people to stare at him at school and talk about what
happened ant the King’s Cross but it was too late now.

“SHUT UP SIRIUS!” she shot back, just like old times in Grimmauld
Place,12. “You are a shame to my blood. You tainted Regulus, too. I never
want you back at my house. Not now, not even after I die. Go rot in
whatever Mudblood hole you find.”

A collective gasp came from the crowd around them. Being a Purist was
one thing but being so out in the open about it wasn’t very welcomed,
especially with Muggleborns and Half-bloods around. Everyone knew they
were Purists but people didn’t go around shouting slurs at each other
regardless.

“I think it’s useless for you to cause a commotion today Walburga,” said
Euphemia, each of her words were meant to sting. Reg never saw hatred on
Euphemia’s face before today and she looked like she could bring down the
whole platform if she had to. Reg thought, that’s what it must be like to
have a mother that cares about you and then he realised Euphemia was
looking like that because of him and Sirius maybe she wasn’t their birth
mother but she had done more for them than Walburga ever did in her life.
Giving birth to someone wasn’t the only definition of being a mother and
Reg learned that when she saw the fire in Euphemia’s eyes. “We both know
your sons are only pieces of meat to you that you had no problem maiming
a few weeks back, don’t act like you care all of a sudden.”

Reg didn’t know what happened but he felt something ignite in his heart.
Maybe it was the way James stared at Walburga and Orion like he would
jinx them any minute, maybe it was the nonchalance of Fleamont and how
he stood up from them from the very beginning or maybe it was the war cry
of a mother hidden in carefully chosen words.

“We have a train to catch,” Reg said coming out from Alastor’s back. “If
you don’t mind.”

James looked at him with a sparkle to his eyes that gave Reg even more
courage, he could see the pride in the Chaser’s eyes. Reg then took his
trolley and started pushing it forward, directly towards Walburga and Orion
who hadn’t said one single word through all of this.

“What—what are you doing?” yelled Walburga as she refused to move but
Reg didn’t plan on stopping. “You daft boy!”

Orion jumped out of the way and pulled Walburga with him because it
looked like she wasn’t planning to move. Reg heard her snarl but didn’t
look back. James and Sirius were right behind him with their trolleys and
Alastor, Euphemia and Fleamont were following close behind. When they
reached the train and started unloading their belongings Fleamont pulled
him into a giant hug.

“I’m so proud of you, my boy,” he laughed and as he pulled back from the
hug, a giant smile had made its way to Reg’s face. Alastor watched from the
side as he gave an approving nod.“We are expecting you both back for
Christmas.”

“I can’t wait to come back, sir,” he replied and turned to Euphemia who put
her hand on his cheek and looked at him so lovingly, Reg thought he was
dreaming.

“I am so proud of you,” she began and pulled Sirius with her free hand.
“Both of you! That was no small thing you both did.”

“Thank you, Mrs Potter,” they said in unison and Reg saw a genuine spark
to Sirius’ eyes after the longest time.

“James, behave,” ordered Euphemia as she hugged her son before they got
on the train to leave for Hogwarts.

“Don’t I always?” he smirked and everyone, including Alastor, knew he

blatantly lied.

As they walked through the cold corridors of the Hogwarts Express, James
and Sirius found the compartment Remus and Peter were in. Reg said “hi”
and moved forward to sit with other Slytherins, not that he cared but he
didn’t belong in the Marauders’ compartment.

“OI!” shouted James after him half a minute later. “Where are you going?
Aren’t you going to sit with us?”

“Can I?” asked Reg incredulously.

“After that shit you just pulled, you can do anything,” he said with a grin.
“Don’t you feel like it?”

“Actually,” smiled Reg. “I really do.”

Reg slowly got settled between James and Sirius in the compartment and
felt the tension between Remus and Sirius cut the air. This was going to be
one of the weirdest rides to Hogwarts.

Chapter End Notes

how did you like Alastor? I gave him a different kind of personality
because the First Wizarding War hasn't happened yet. I hope you liked
it.
 Chapter 9
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Reg thought knew what had happened, at least he had heard some parts of it
from Sirius. He had learned about Remus’ condition last year when Sirius
asked Reg to cover for him on a particularly bad full moon. Sirius wasn’t
the best under stress and he had let it slip, not that Reg wasn’t aware of the
situation. Every full moon they spent at Grimmauld Place, 12 Sirius was a
mess and every full moon they spent at Hogwarts, he was nowhere to be
found. He was gloomy and silent, inconsolable. Reg also knew he was
sitting in the same car as three unregistered animagi but he wasn’t going to
tell anyone about that either. It had been funny to watch Sirius and James
try to keep it a secret while making the worst puns imaginable. Sirius hadn’t
let that slip though, Reg had figured it out himself through research and
well, spying on his brother occasionally.

It felt like there were Dementors around them in the car. Peter was staring
intently at the two boys with blue eyes as James was looking out the
window as if there wasn’t anything wrong. He wasn’t going to break the
silence and Reg knew that, James always had something to say but rarely,
he knew when to shut up. Sirius was looking at the carpet and Remus was
seemingly sleeping. Reg nudged James with his knee to get his attention
and Peter raised his eyebrows towards Remus to get James to do something
about this. It was true that making sure Siri and Remus solved this
themselves but the tension in the car was unbearable.

“How was your summer, Moons?” he asked startling the werewolf.

“Standard,” he replied with a monotone voice. “Two full mo—”

He stopped mid-sentence and stared at Reg, realising what he had done.

“He knows,” whispered Sirius, his eyes still locked on the carpet.
“I’m sorry,” growled Remus and Reg could hear his bloodstream. “I didn’t
catch that.”

“He knows,” he repeated, this time locking eyes with the werewolf. “He
fucking knows.”

“Fucking Merlin, Sirius!” yelled Remus, his anger was a sight to behold.
“Anyone who you haven’t told yet? Maybe you would like to tell the trolley
lady as well, yeah? Don’t forget about Filch’s fucking cat, she might as well
know, too!”

The silence was deafening. Peter was staring at his friends shell-shocked.

“I would never tell,” disclosed Reg. “I promise, I would never tell anyone
Remus.”

“That’s not the issue, Reg,” commented James and gave his arm a small
squeeze, to let him know Remus wasn’t angry at him. “It’s not you. It’s
Sirius’ incredible inability to think before he fucking speaks.”

Silence, again. Silence wasn’t something Blacks were comfortable with.

Peter was shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Did you know about this, James?” asked Remus through gritted teeth.
“Did you, Wormy?”

They both shook their heads to say “no”. James started staring out the
window again, this time with shinier eyes as if he could cry if anyone so
much as touched him and Reg did. He gave his shaking leg a soft pat to
keep him from shaking the whole damn train. He kept staring out but softly
patted Reg’s hand as if to say “thank you”, Reg retreated his hand to his lap
with his heart racing like a wild horse.

“No offense Reg but I have to do this,” warned Remus before turning to
James again. Reg didn’t even move. “Prongs, do you trust him?”

“I do,” he babbled and gave Reg a very slight smile. “I would trust him with
my secrets and with yours, too.”
“Reg, I hope you understand the severity of this secret, unlike your
brother,” he said calmly.

“I do,” he replied. “I really do and although I’m not much help on full
moons, I will do my best to help all of you during those times. I’m a
masterclass liar and I’m quite good at covering for people… of course, I
didn’t lie just then.”

“I know,” chuckled Remus and Reg felt and immense relief for making him
smile, even if it was just for a second but it turned to a frown the moment
he set his eyes back on Sirius. “I can believe you keep hurting me like this.”

“I didn’t m—”

“Yes, we know,” he interrupted and he took a deep breath, it seemed like he

was trying to calm his nerves. “You didn’t mean to but you never mean to
do anything Sirius. You let a secret that could get me killed get found out by
Severus of all people. Severus! ”

No reply. That would mean, Remus was right and Sirius had let Severus
learn Remus was a werewolf. Regulus loved his brother with all his heart
but Sirius was one of the biggest idiots he had the misfortune to meet in his
life. He also knew that Sirius wouldn’t shut up if he knew he was right.

“I forgave so many things Pads,” reminded Remus, exasperated. “I can’t

forgive this. Don’t ask me to forgive this. “

“No one’s expecting you to, Moons,” said Peter softly. “You’re right to be
angry and whatever you decide to do, we are here for you.”

“I know, Petey,” Remus exhaled. “I think I would rather be alone for a

while on full moons, until I feel comfortable again.”

“But Moons,” began James but Reg nudged him again. Remus seemed
genuinely hurt but also very traumatised by everything that happened. Reg
didn’t know the details but felt like the pain in his amber eyes reflected
something more than his secret being out.
“I almost killed him,” he whispered and Reg felt blood run cold in his
veins. “He is alive thanks to you James, I almost killed him.”

“We are not doing the ‘woe is me’ again Sirius,” said James firmly and Reg
could feel the sting of his words even if they weren’t meant for him. “Yes,
you almost killed him and yes, you fucked up royally. It’s a miracle Remus
is still sitting here with us in this car and what Remus will decide to do
aside, I swear to Merlin I will haunt you if do something like this again.”

Silence. Sirius looked paler than usual. James had a positive effect on Siri
and one had to be absolutely clueless not to see that. However, Reg could
tell that positive effect was the result of James’ hard work and seeing Sirius
ruin everything James worked so hard for to make him reach his true
potential as a genuinely good person must have broken James to a thousand
pieces. Reg could tell because the disappointment and anger in his voice
were apparent like the clouds in London sky.

“Do you hear me?”

“I do,” mumbled Sirius and it struck Reg to see his reaction to being
scolded by James compared to being scolded by one of their parents. When
Walburga said something to him he seemed bigger, his voice was always
louder and his actions were grand as well, as if he was trying to occupy
more space to drown out Walburga. Yet with James, he seemed smaller, his
voice inaudible and his hands tied together on his lap with his eyes locked
on the car’s floor. Siri knew the disappointment of his friends but he was
too late to realise the result of his actions as usual.

“Re if you don’t have something to say,” began Peter and looked at his
werewolf friend who nodded softly for him to continue. Reg examined the
smaller boy’s reaction to all of this. He seemed to take every word in,
taking Remus’ side, as any normal person would, and being very careful not
to further hurt Remus or completely break things off with Sirius. Reg could
tell he cared, unlike what other people said about him being the tag along
and saying “yes” to everything the Marauders want from him. James
seemed to listen intently to him as well, as if what would come out of
Peter’s mouth could fix things, further reassuring that the whole school was
wrong about the shorter lad. “I don’t want this to be forgotten or to be
forgiven, I don’t think that would be a wise thing to do but I want Sirius,
and all of us really, to learn from this. I honestly will respect whatever
Moons decides, if he wants to spend full moons without us, I will respect
his wish and be ready to help him if he decides he wants us back but I just
—I really don’t want to lose what we have all together and what I have with
each one of you. I just wanted to share that in case well, you know, I can’t.”

Reg felt the Dementor-like feeling leave the car, like something had slightly
changed or as if someone changed a setting for the group somewhere. Sirius
was still looking at the floor with eyes filled to the brim with tears, James
was looking at Peter with a brotherly smile, Remus was looking outside
thinking about his next move and Peter was softly smiling as if he was
reminiscing the good times he had with his friends. It felt like an era was
coming to an end without many words. Hogwarts would be a very different
place without the shenanigans of the Marauders, that made Reg’s insides
hurt. The thought of them no longer being friends was something that even
he couldn’t process, he didn’t know what would they do if that was the case
but Reg felt like Peter’s speech lit another fire in them that might turn
things in Sirius’ favour.

Without a word all five boys moved to get their robes on as they
approached Hogwarts. Reg had a sinking feeling in his gut that wasn’t at all
related to what just happened. He now started to feel the heaviness of not
being able to be with James each day since if any Slytherin saw him
hanging out with the Gryffindors, only Merlin knew what would happen.

Chapter End Notes

oops sorry i have been gone too long. i was moving and changing my
job and so many other things. i'm kinda back, not fully. i hope to finish
this before 2020 ends.

i hope you enjoy this chapter. i specifically enjoyed how i analysed

marauders' realtionship from reg's (so my) perspective. peter and sirius
& james were fun to write.

hugs to all darlings, see you in hogwarts.

 Chapter 10
Chapter Notes

oh.my.god.

there are 296 subscribers on this fic. i got so ashamed that there were
so many of you and so little updates that i was actually able to write, i
hope you like it. y'all involuntarily shamed me into writing, thank you!
See the end of the chapter for more notes

It started with a letter. It was a Howler but James had charmed it the instant
he saw the green envelope lying towards Reg, it wasn’t howling anymore, it
was just whispering. It had made Reg grin even though he was scared out of
his mind about what might come out of the letter. Remus had helped
contain the letter until they made it to the Gryffindor Tower to listen to it. It
was a very angry Walburga, scolding Reg for hanging out with blood
traitors but the boys couldn’t take the whispering and had started laughing
until tears came down their cheeks. Marauders felt like Marauders again for
a minute and Reg felt like it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. It lasted a minute
but it was worth it.

Howlers kept on coming and each time, the first one to see letter would
charm it like James had taught them to. They would listen to it together,
curse at his cousins for telling on Reg and laugh at how funny Walburga
sounded whispering while angry.

One of the Howlers had come when James and Reg were studying in the
Library waiting for the boys to join them. The Marauders weren’t what they
used to be but they hadn’t given up hope yet, they still spent every waking
hour together and Reg enjoyed their silent company, it also gave him ample
chances to hang out with James more. When James saw the green letter, he
had charmed it instantly. His reflexes were very sharp thanks to Quidditch
and his charms talent didn’t need explaining. He had grabbed it out of the
air as it flew towards Reg’s face and grabbed his arm to pull him between
shelves. It was a tight spot, Reg liked it. James let go of the envelope,
pulling his hand away looking hurt and Walburga started whisper-yelling
insults to Reg once again but Reg couldn’t focus on anything she said,
James’ hand was burnt by the envelope.

“Let me see,” he demanded, pushing his hand forward.

“It’s fine,” James grinned but his smile didn’t hide his pain as well as he
thought it did.

“Just let me see,” said Reg, exasperated.

“Oh, alright,” he gave up and put his hand on Regulus’ open palm. “Don’t
sound so bored so fast, Reg.”

“You’re just so stubborn sometimes,” he laughed as he said a simple charm

to cool his hand down.

“I love how you say that as if you aren’t a stubborn person,” he countered
after a sot sigh of relief that made Regulus’ heart flutter. “You shouldn’t
care you know.”

“About what?”

“About what she says.”

“Oh, I don’t,” responded Reg nonchalantly.

“Yes you do.”

“No, I don’t,” he repeated while looking at the books on the lowest shelf.

“Now, what did we just say about stubbornness?” asked James with a raised
eyebrow.

“But I really, sincerely don’t give a shit about what she says,” explained
Reg, sounding yet again exasperated.

“Yes, you do,” corrected James putting his hands on Reg’s shoulders,
forcing him to look in his big, hazel eyes that could hide the whole world in
them and while looking into them Reg knew he couldn’t lie. “I just don’t
understand why you have to bother hiding it from us, from me.”

“What does it change if I say,” he began and took a long, much needed
breath before continuing. “Every time I see the colour green on envelopes I
panic. I panic thinking one day we won’t catch it in time and everyone will
hear the woman who gave birth to me berate me for hanging out with you. I
panic thinking you will get bored of this drama and just send me back to my
hole to rot.”

“I would never get bored of you.”

“I meant— I meant all of you.”

“Oh, I know,” he winked and Reg just wanted to smother him there with his
bare hands or with kisses, he hadn’t decided yet. “I just wanted to make
where I stand clear.”

“Thanks for the clarification, Potter,” jested Reg before giving him a soft hit
on the arm. Then Peter’s soft voice echoed in the library signalling them to
go back to their seats. “That made me feel slightly better actually.”

“I do my best,” James smiled as he sat back down on his chair across

Regulus.

“Another Howler?” asked Remus as he put his parchment and quill down.
He had gone next to James across Sirius. They still weren’t sitting next to
each other like they used to but Reg thought that was quite normal.

“Well, of course,” replied Reg, looking slightly too happy for someone who
received a Howler.

“Anything new?” queried Peter as he sat down next to Remus.

“Same old,” Reg said, giving Sirius the green envelope which looked very
dishevelled right now. “Blood traitors, being a filth, impure, family values
and all that stupid shit.”
“Sounds about right,” said Sirius and slowly nudged his brother with his
shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I think it’s starting to grow on me.”

They laughed at Reg’s joke for a minute but went back to their homework
right after. Marauders weren’t back to what they were yet but even like this,
laughing together and doing homework in complete silence Reg felt at
home like he never had before. He wanted to help them heal and he was
willing to do anything he can to bring them back together for all they’ve
done for him. He was also very invested in their friendship now. He loved
the trips he took to the kitchens with Peter and everything he learned from
him about Muggle life. He enjoyed talking to Remus about the books they
both read and enjoyed his silent company, especially before and after the
full moons where Reg would feel useful by taking care of him instead of the
others. Reg could feel Remus’ trust for him growing and it felt great to be
trusted by someone like him. Being close with Sirius was another reason he
liked being with the Marauders. They were close with his brother but
especially after they ran away, Reg didn’t want to be away from his brother
for too long scared the Black Family might pull him back in. Being this
close to Sirius, he felt safer. And then there was the James factor of this
equation and Reg appreciated it more every day. He hoped what he had was
a simple crush but the way James acted made his crush deeper every day
and Reg just kept on wanting more. That little moment they had between
the shelves was one of many between corridors, behind statues and in
narrow hallways. James had a game plan but Reg hadn’t figured out yet but
he was excited for it.

Chapter End Notes

my fav part was writing his relationship with each marauder at the end,
but you already knew that because i'm predictable.
 Chapter 11
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

It was after a full moon, Remus was in the hospital wing recovering from
the scars on his body. From what Reg could gather they were quite bad,
nothing like the scratches he used to get when he went out with the
Marauders.

“He has to let us come with him,” said James trying to keep his voice down
but failing miserably.

“Ssshh,” warned Peter while he looked at Remus shuffling very slowly in

his bed.

“Don’t ‘ssshh’ me Wormy,” he shot back. “You very well know if he was
with us, he would barely have scratches. This is ridiculous.”

“I know,” he whispered while fixing the duvet on Remus to keep him from
shivering. “But we told him we’d respect his boundaries Jamie.”

“Fuck his boundaries if this is the consequence.”

“Hey!” objected Reg firmly. “Talking here won’t solve anything, just let
him rest.”

Both boys nodded softly and returned to look at their friend with fear and
pity in their eyes. Sirius was sitting in the far corner, his arms crossed and
eyebrows furrowed. It wasn’t easy to understand what he was feeling, Reg
had several guesses and none of them fit the current situation.

“When he is awake just talk about the possibility of you and Peter going
with him the next time, yeah?” asked Reg to James and his eyes darted to
Sirius who shrugged.
“If this is what it takes to not see him like this,” he sighed and rubbed his
eyes. “I’m fine with staying back Prongs. I can’t…. I can’t see him like this
knowing it’s because of me.”

“Petey, is that okay with you?” asked James to the chubby boy.

“I’m okay with anything that keeps this,” he gestured to the werewolf,
“from happening.”

“Alright lads,” James started walking towards the ward door. “Let’s leave
Popps to do her magic.”

“I’ll stay a bit longer,” said Sirius and gave James a look that stopped him
from objecting.”

“And I have that Charms essay that I haven’t even started,” chimed in Peter.
“I better get going.”

“Mine is on my bedside table if you need some inspiration,” grinned James

as they walked out the ward.

“You’re the best, Prongs!” he exclaimed and left them to go to the

Gryffindor Towers.

“Do you have any unfinished essays Reg?” asked James as they stood in
front of the giant clock right outside the ward.

“I don’t actually,” he replied with a smile.

“Mind accompanying me to the Astronomy Tower?”

“Can we get up there?”

“I can,” he smirked and it took Reg by surprise. He liked his stupid self-
confidence although a lot of people hated him for the very same reason.
“Are you coming?”

Reg nodded and started walking alongside him. They walked through the
empty corridors running into a few students from Slytherin who gave him a
bad look but he didn’t care. They went up the stairs towards the tower and
James pushed and pulled doors Reg didn’t even know existed. When he
pulled the last door Reg was hit with cold but fresh air that felt like a rainy
spring morning.

“Welcome to my hideaway,” presented James as he cleaned the dust off his

hands.

“Oh, this is where you disappear to then?” asked Reg walking up to the
open area.

“Very much so,” he replied with a smile and walked up next to him. “I just
needed to spend some alone time this year, way more than before. You can
keep my secret, right?”

“I’m known to keep my mouth shut,” smiled Reg but he knew it didn’t
reach his eyes and the Chaser just nodded back, not meddling in his family
business.

“I’ll listen to that another day,” he said. “I just thought maybe if I had
someone with me they can help me find a way to solve this fuckery with the
boys. I don’t know what to do.”

“Maybe Lily could help?” suggested Reg. “She is close with Remus.”

“Nope, she hates me,” revealed James with a hand through his unkempt
hair. “And her advice would be or us to sit and just say everything to each
other. She would force us to ‘get it over with’. Not a very sugar-spice-and-
everything-nice person, that Evans.”

“I think the best solution right now is for you and Peter to spend the full
moons with Remus,” repeated Reg, knowing it might irritate the other boy.
They were standing quite close, it was hard to see his reaction. “He needs
you guys, maybe it will help him see he needs Sirius, too.”

“He is miserable.”

“I know,” replied Reg. “I have seen Sirius down before but this—”
“Not him,” James cut him off. “It’s the wolf.”

“What do you mean?”

“When the wolf is angry or sad, Remus comes back with bigger and worse
scars,” he started explaining turning to Regulus. “You know how Remus
doesn’t talk much about his feelings?”

Reg nodded silently walking towards the small steps so they could sit down.
James said a silent charm that warmed up the marble stairs as they sat
down, Reg smiled contently and gestured him to continue.

“So yeah… he doesn’t say much, he never does but when the wolf comes
out, all those feelings he keeps inside comes out like a Fiendfyre. The wolf
picks fights with everyone, goes where it shouldn’t and that’s why Remus
comes back so bloody.”

“Just talk to him without the others,” Reg said, instinctively putting a hand
on his shoulder and giving it a reassuring gesture. “If there’s anything I can
do…”

“Anything?”

“Sure James,” he smiled. “What do you have on your mind?”

“Can you come with me when I speak to Remus about joining him on full
moons?”

“Why?” he asked incredulously. “What’s the point of that?”

“I need someone who can stay neutral,” he confessed looking out to the
green fields of Hogwarts. “I hate conflict outside of the Quidditch pitch.”

“I can’t be neutral!”

“Why not?” argued James looking in to Reg’s eyes, like he wanted to hear
something more but Reg thought he was reading too much into anything
James does.
“Well, I would be on your side,” Reg laughed. “How can I help that? I'm the
last person who can be neutral in this situation.”

“Why would you be on my side?” pushed James and Reg couldn’t figure
out what he wanted to hear.

“Well, Sirius is my brother isn’t he?” he said and James’ face fell a little.

“Ah.. yeah.”

“And I shared a bed with you haven’t I?” Reg added to see if he could
bring the shine back to James Potter’s eyes and he managed.

“Yeah, we did,” he laughed throwing his head back. “At least you can come
as moral support?”

“Let me know whenever,” smiled Reg slightly happier than he should be

that James didn’t seem to think anything less about their summer than he
did.

“Thanks for everything Reggie,” he mumbled. “I don’t know how I would

have gotten through this mess without you. It’s always the most unexpected
people that end up helping us, don’t you think?”

“I’m just paying back the favour Jamie,” he replied and nudged James in
the arm. “I had a very unexpected help this summer, too.”

“I’m glad we found each other,” he added as he softly patted Reg’s hand.

“Yeah, Jamie,” said Reg as he squeezed James’ hand with his. “Me, too.”

Those 45 minutes on the Astronomy Tower was tattooed on Reg’s mind

forever. The way James’ eyes implored him to say more, the soft touches,
the laughs and the famous last words etched themselves on Regulus’ soul.
He prayed for James to let him know it was time to talk to Remus so he
could spend more time with him alone. They had a secret together now and
Reg loved that he trusted him with it. They had soft touches and
insinuations, too that Reg held onto for dear life. He was glad Sirius had
dragged him with him when he left the Black Manor, only Merlin knew
what would have become of him if Sirius had left on his own. For once in
Regulus’ life, he was content and he had no intention of letting these
moments go.

Chapter End Notes

i love a good heart-to-heart y'all and Astronomy Tower is my favourite

Jegulus place
i hope you liked this chapter!
 Chapter 12
Chapter Notes

tw alcohol for this and the next chapter

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Slytherin Common Room was cold on its own without the unnecessary
stares Regulus got from the other students. Sirius and his escape from their
family had been told a thousand times in a thousand different ways.
Slytherin students had heard the story and they all knew a different version
of it, they kept changing the story regarding what they heard from the
others but as it stood the most popular one was that they were blood traitors
and their parents were angels who would never do anything wrong to the
heirs of the biggest Sacred 28 family.

Regulus had few nightmares since he came back to Hogwarts but he hadn’t
mentioned it to Sirius or James. He had managed to keep it from the boys
he shared his room with, too. The one thing he wanted was to curl up next
to James Potter when he woke up all sweaty from the dark rooms he never
seemed to find a way out of but that wasn’t possible in Hogwarts. It wasn’t
like he could disappear when walking through the corridors at night, he
would definitely be caught by Filch or worse, by a professor. It wasn’t like
he could say “yeah sorry, I was just going over to the Gryffindor Common
Room to sleep next to James Potter” and whoever caught him would say
“yeah, that tracks” and let him go.

As all these thoughts and scenarios were running through his head, Regulus
was startled as James slammed his hand on the table he was at in the Great
Hall.

“I reckon I’ll talk the Remus tonight,” he announced with a triumphant

smile on his face. “He is feeling a lot better.”

“Right,” said Regulus and he cleared his throat lifting his gaze up to the
Chaser. “When and where?”
“Gryffindor Common Room, after dinner?”

“How do you expect me to come to your Common Room and after dinner?”

“I have my ways but you have to come find me after dinner, yeah?” he
asked, grinning. It was impossible to know what was going on in his
glorious mind.

“I’m… You know what? I’ve stopped questioning you a long time ago,” he
sighed in response earning a chuckle from James. “I’ll come find you after
dinner.”

The day passed in a daze for Reg, too focused on what would happen after
dinner. He wasn’t nervous about the talk, he was actually nervous about
breaking school rules. He had never been one to break rules, in any setting.
He didn’t like it either. He knew his brother and James had a knack for it
but it had never been Regulus’ style. Even going to the Astronomy Tower
with James had made him shiver with the anxiety of getting caught, now he
was making plans to go to the Gryffindor Common Room and after dinner.
He didn’t touch much on his plate as he watched the arms of the clock
slowly move. He looked at the Gryffindor table every now and then,
catching James’ eyes once. He had raised that eyebrow as if he was
challenging him to break the rules, as if he knew what was going on Reg’s
head.

As people starting walking out of the Great Hall, Regulus made his wau
towards James who had stayed behind the Marauders. As they exited the
Hall, James swiftly pulled him behind a statue.

“Can you keep another secret?” he asked, looking slightly down on him.
The area behind the statue was quite small and Regulus could feel the heat
radiating off of James which made it that much harder to concentrate on
anything he was saying right now. “Hey, Reg?”

“Yeah, sure,” Reg replied with a reassuring smile and James put a cloak
over him and Reg cackled unintentionally. “This is how you will get me to
the Gryffindor Tower without getting caught? Forget about it.”

Reg was about the take off the cloak and throw it back to James when he
caught his wrist softly and gestured him to wait. James took the cloak and
put the fabric on his hand, the part the fabric touched became invisible. As
Reg’s breath hitched, the taller boy raised his hazel eyes from his hands to
Reg’s face with a smirk.

“You have an Invisibility Cloak?!” whispered Reg, he was in complete

shock. These things were supposed to exist in stupid stories his parents
never read to him.

“SHUSH!” warned James as he fixed the cloak back on Reg. “You’ll have
to hunch a little but you should be fine.”

When James walked out Reg followed and they ran into Albus Dumbledore
of all people.

“Mr. Potter?” he said softly, only in a way he does. “What has been keeping
you from going to your room?”

“Well you see, sir,” he began, expertly wiggling his way out of trouble like
has done so many times before. “Peeves had been making some trouble for
the younger classes, I thought I’d teach him a little lesson but he never
came.”

“Ah, I see,” he smiled, looking from the top of his half moon glasses.
“Taking care of those in need as always, Mr. Potter. Go ahead, straight to
your Common Room then.”

James nodded and continued walking towards the Gryffindor Tower as if

everything was alright but Reg could swear Dumbledore stared right at him
as he spoke with James, as if he knew Regulus was there.

When they finally reached the Common Room, James said “fortis fortuna
adiuvat” and the door swung open. Regulus couldn’t keep himself from
thinking what a cliché that password was. He didn’t move until James
removed the cloak himself. The Gryffindor Common Room was the
complete opposite of the Slytherin dungeon. There were gold adornments
everywhere instead of silver and although the general setting of the room
was the same, the Gryffindor red made the room livelier. Remus was sitting
on the couch by himself, reading through Daily Prophet when they had
entered the room.

“Hi, Prongs,” he said without lifting his gaze up. He only stopped reading
when he heard a second set of footsteps. “Oh… hi Regulus, that was an
unexpected surprise.”

“I need to talk to you,” began James settling next to Remus. “And I needed
him as moral support and voice of reason.”

“We do need a voice of reason in this Common Room sometimes,” Remus

smiled towards Reg. “The answer is no.”

“You didn’t even hear his proposal though,” objected Regulus while he had
Remus’ attention. He saw the disappointment in James’ eyes and felt like he
needed to intervene. “Hear him out at least.”

“I…” sighed Remus before looking at his defeated best friend. “Alright, try
me.”

“I know you said you don’t want us with you for the time being but the wolf
needs us Moons,” explained James softly and almost whispering lest
someone heard their conversation. “I understand you are angry but you
coming back with those scars won’t erase what Padfoot did. I am not saying
he needs to join but at least let me and Peter come with you.”

Reg was looking at James who turned around to look at him after he
finished his sentence. Regulus gave him a reassuring nod and a soft smile to
tell him that he did what he must and now, he should wait.

“The answer is still no, James,” repeated Remus folding the newspaper he
was holding. “Madam Pomfrey can fix me up, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You were in the Hospital wing for a week, Moony,” scolded James,
gesturing to the still healing scars on Remus’ arms. “I’m not alright with
that. Just let me come, not even Peter. I can handle—”

“No,” shot back Remus. “Not yet, I’m sorry. The answer is no.”

“What can I do if I can’t bear seeing you like that?”

“Then don’t come visit me,” said Remus coolly, it almost sounded cruel.
Regulus knew Remus’ intention wasn’t to hurt James but in his
stubbornness to deal with this alone, he had finally broken James, too. Reg
could see the hurt in his eyes as he followed after Remus with his eyes and
rubbed on his forehead like his father did.

“Well, that went great,” he exclaimed in a fake happy voice, sarcasm wasn’t
his strong suit though. “Firewhiskey?”

“I’m sorry, James,” said Reg, trying to catch the other boys eyes.

“It’s fine,” he replied without any emotions as far as Regulus could tell.
“Firewhiskey?”

“Don’t you think I should get going?”

“Just… stay.”

“Oh,” Reg mumbled before nodding ‘yes’ for the Firewhiskey. “If it will
make you feel better.”

“I don’t know if it will make me feel better,” he corrected while filling up

Reg’s glass. “But I’m a hundred percent sure it will make my night easier.”

As Reg lifted the glass to his lips, James Potter had already downed his
glass. When Reg looked at James incredulously, James smiled.

“Tonight won’t be pretty Reg,” he said exasperatedly. “I don’t handle

rejection well. You don’t have to stay because I asked you to.”

“You were there for me on my ‘not-pretty’ nights,” he reminded to James

and downed his Firewhiskey in solidarity. “I got you.”
Chapter End Notes

can you believe I updated TWICE IN A WEEK??? AND!!! three times

in the span of a month???
you knew a drunk chapter was inevitable, let's see what will happen
next

also ps: the F on my keyboard barely works so if it's missing in some

places, I'm sorry :(
 Chapter 13
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

“You know,” James rambled on, “I helped, oops sorry, we helped him
through so much and he had finally opened up and he was having fun and
he wasn’t getting hurt and now…”

His voiced trailed away. The heaviness of the conversation he had an hour
ago with Remus still weighing his shoulders down.

“He doesn’t even let me try,” he said, there was a hint of surrender in his
voice that Reg think didn’t suit him at all. “I can’t make what Sirius did go
away, can I?”

“No,” answered Reg softly, holding his third glass of Firewhiskey in his
hand while James was on his sixth. “You know it’s not about you either but
you and Peter are gateways to Sirius and Remus apparently isn’t ready for
that.”

“But when will he be ready?” asked James, throwing his head back on the
couch. “I don’t think I can wait that long.”

“Oh, but you have to,” asserted Reg, throwing the rest of his drink back.
“You have to be patient, James, if not this will backfire even worse.”

“I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“How could you have, Jamie?” mumbled Reg as he poured himself another
Firewhiskey. It’s. not like this was his problem but seeing James Potter this
vulnerable was a good reason to drink in and of itself. “You really need to
stop thinking about this as your fault because the longer you think that, the
longer you’ll believe the solution lies with you and for once, it doesn’t.”
“It doesn’t?” he pouted his lips in genuine sadness from what Reg could tell
but it didn’t change the fact that he looked so lovable right now and if all
the people who didn’t like James Potter could see him like this, slightly
drunk and pouting, they would all forget his misdeeds. “But it always
does.”

“I know,” smiled Reg, he couldn’t help himself with the way James was
looking at him, all long limbs, messy hair and a pout still on his lips which
he only got rid of to down his drink. “You might just have to accept that,
this situation will work itself out without you getting yourself into it.”

“Yeah, I don’t like the odds,” commented James as he tried to get off the
floor to get some more Firewhiskey but Reg jumped and got the glass from
his hand and put slightly less Firewhiskey than James usually does.

“And when I don’t like the odds,” he began again only to stop when he
reached or his drink. ”Thanks Reggie. Anyways, what was I saying?”

“Odds.”

“Yeah,” he remembered and gave a grin to Reg for reminding him. “When I
don’t like the odds, I usually do something about it.”

“That’s not how it works though, James.”

“Well,” he raised his eyebrow. “Shouldn’t I have done anything about your
situation with your family or your nightmares?”

In his attempt to challenge Reg and make him accept that what he wanted to
do was right, James had actually managed to take Regulus out of the
protective bubble he had been in ever since he started hanging out with the
Marauders at Hogwarts. He shivered and then cleared his throat. He started
squeezing his left with his right hand like he did most of the times he felt
nervous. James was looking at the glass in his hand, barely understanding
how much time passed since he asked a question that Reg didn’t answer. He
lifted his head up to look at Regulus and his stare instantly focused on
Regulus’ hands.
“Hey… hey,” he stood up and walked to the armchair where Reg was
seated. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” lied Regulus.

“Bullshit,” he shot back and softly pulled his hands apart. “You do that
every time with your hands when you’re nervous. Doesn’t it hurt?”

“Oh, this,” he laughed to ease the intense stares from James but it didn’t
work. “Nasty habit from back when we lived with our parents. Whenever
there was trouble brewing I would just focus on my hands to ignore them.”

“You can’t underestimate these things, Reggie,” he said throwing his hands
up in desperation. “You are no longer there. You are here, you are safe, you
don’t ever have to go back unless you want to.”

“I know,” he said in a really low voice and he did, he did know he was safe
and he would be safe as long as Potters were around him but that didn’t
mean the memories didn’t flood him at the mere mention of them.

“Oh shit,” he mumbled, he looked like he sobered up in an instant. “It was

because of me, wasn’t it? It was because I reminded you of them with my
stupid question. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“It absolutely isn’t,” he reminded softly. “What you are going through is
harder for you than it is for Sirius. He had his mind made up so long ago
but for you, it such a different situation. Being drunk doesn’t excuse the fact
that I caused you pain for my benefit.”

“How are you talking this properly when you are shitfaced, Potter?”

“I had to fool one too many teachers when I was half-dead from drinking,”
he smiled with his shiny, slightly crooked teeth. “And now I can act like a
normal person after way too many drinks of Firewhiskey.”

“That’s good to know,” Reg smiled back at the boy sitting on the floor with
his arm on his knees just radiating warmth that feels like home.
“How are you so good at changing the subject no matter the situation,
Black?” he imitated.

“I had to change one too many subjects at dinner tables,” he replied. James
exhaled, obviously frustrated how every little thing he noticed about Reg
lead to the Blacks.

“We will walk through these together,” he said with a smile that made Reg
feel like James picked him up and put him into his protective bubble. “I
don’t care how long it takes, I don’t ever want you, the both of you, to carry
the weight of them anymore and I will do everything I can about it.”

“Thank you, Jamie,” he said, patting his arm softly before leaning back on
the armchair. “But there lies the difference between me and Remus. I ask
for your help or I accept it when you offer it. Remus does neither of those
things. Sometimes the odds might be against you but time can change those
odds without you interfering.”

“Can it, though?” he laughed. Reg knew he was frustrated at the thought of
doing nothing.

“It can,” he laughed back. “You can invest that time in people who are
willing to accept your help.”

“Like you.”

James’ eyes shined so bright that Reg thought he was looking at the sun for
a moment. He had his head on his arms, his eyes looking above from his
stupid glasses and looking like a child that saw the snow for the first time.
Even if Reg didn’t need his help, he would ask for it just for James to look
at him like that once more.

“Yeah,” he babbled. That was the only thing he could mutter at that
moment. “Lucky me.”

James leaped to his feet with a grin after hearing that and went to the sofa.
Reg checked the time and got up as well.
“Where are you going?”

“Back to my dungeon,” he grinned, the Firewhiskey was only now starting

to take effect.

“Ugh, that place gives me the creeps.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Will you be alright?” he asked. “You know, sleeping alone?”

“I think so,” replied Reg. “Can I borrow your cloak again?”

“Obviously,” chuckled James. “Just be careful with it in your common

room.”

“Sure,” he said as he pulled the cloak over him and disappeared neck-down.
“Thank you, Jamie.”

“For what?”

“For being there,” he replied, half mumbling.

“It’s mutual, Reggie,” he got up and kissed his hair before walking towards
the stairs. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

Reg walked to the dungeons thinking about the soft kiss he received on his
head a while ago. That was probably going to keep him up all night and if
he were to sleep, he didn’t know if he would be haunted by his family. He
also didn’t know if James was doing what he did because he cared for Reg
or if it was because James had a saviour complex. He was always trying to
save people even if they didn’t want to be saved. It could be that James only
cared for the ego boost it would bring him to solve Reg’s issues. It could
also be that James actually cared for Reggie but no matter what James did,
Reg could never bring himself to feel like that.
When he got to the dungeon door, these were the thoughts running through
his head. He went up to his room silently and stuffed the cloak under his
pillow. He let his eyes close and willed himself to sleep expecting the worst
from his nightmares.

Chapter End Notes

this story is my baby and it's so hard to write for me but every time I
look at that subscription number and kudos and the sweet comments
and the RE-READERS(!!!!!) I get the will to write another chapter
we will see the end of this story, that's a promise. i just can't promise
when that will be.
thank you for loving this story and them as much as i do
I know unfinished stories are hard for a lot of you, so i appreciate your
patience
lots of love, I wish you a lovely holiday season

ps: the F on my computer still doesn't work so it might be missing at

some places, i refuse to re-read anything i write, thank you for
accepting me as i am
 Chapter 14
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

The Potters’ house had never felt so big before. Reg had learned it inside
out but it felt like another door popped up every time he felt like he was
opening the right one. It was dark and cold, there was an interesting feeling
about the house that Reg had never felt before. It felt like grief,
abandonment, loneliness. Regulus hadn’t felt that way since the moment he
stepped through the front door of this house, he might have even said “his
home”. Now every time he pushed another door, he felt like the house was
pushing him out and it did. With the last door he opened, he found himself
outside of the manor looking in. His brother sitting at the dinner table next
to James instead of next to Mrs. Potter like they used to back in summer.
They were all chattering happily and not even hearing Regulus pound on
the door like he might die if they didn’t answer it and they didn’t. Regulus
felt his knees get weak and turned around to find himself in the King’s
Cross, as busy as ever. Everyone around him were wearing black hoods and
the only people he could pick out in the crowd were the Potters, James,
Sirius and Alastor. Regulus tried to keep up with them but they didn’t hear
his cries, begging them to wait for him. He was pushing people apart to find
a path to them but it was useless. He was drowning in the black cloth
surrounding him and no one was coming to help him. He felt like he was
being pulled down in a sea of darkness. He realised his struggles were
futile, he could yell, scream and cry but he would never be able to get their
attention again. Not Sirius’, not James’.

Reg knew this was going to happen the moment he started enjoying being at
the Potter Manor. Nothing he enjoyed lasted long enough, it was always cut
short by a mistake or someone’s interference. The only problem was he
didn’t know what he did this time. Maybe he hadn’t done anything and
maybe for once, that was the problem. The Potters’ had accepted him out of
pity and obligation because they wanted to save Sirius. Reg didn’t bring
anything to the table. He was nothing to them and therefore now, they were
just leaving him behind. He was useless and a risk to the family so they
probably decided not to bother with it anymore. As these thoughts were
running in his head, the sea suddenly swallowed him and Reg woke up with
a startle and a soft yelp that he hoped no one heard. He checked the cloak
beneath his pillow and played with its soft fabric for a while.

After the lousy night he had, Reg got out of the dungeons to make his way
to breakfast and then to Potions. He took the cloak with him to return it but
he didn’t feel like talking to James in the morning of a nightmare like that.
Just as he was turning the corner to the Great Hall, he saw Peter.

“Hey Pete,” he called out.

“Morning, Reg,” replied Peter with a wide smile on his face. “All good?”

“Yeah,” said Reg, he didn’t sound convincing but that didn’t matter. “Can
you give this back to James for me?”

“He is about to come here, you can give it yourself if you want?”

“I, um,” he hesitated trying to find a proper lie. “Professor Slughorn wanted
to see me before class so I can’t hang around too long.”

“Oh, okay then,” he said and took the cloak from Reg. Unlike what a lot of
people thought off Pettigrew, he was a very perceptive person. Regulus
could see that he didn’t believe his lie for a second but didn’t want to push
it to avoid confrontation. After handing off the cloak, Reg left towards his
Potions classroom to keep up with his lie.
He went into the empty classroom and sat down at his usual spot. The room
was dark except for the light that managed to get past through the small
windows. He sat there like that motionless for what felt like hours. His
mind was running at full speed trying to figure out all the options he had
and all the endings he would get. He didn’t know why that nightmare had
such an effect on him. Maybe it was because it showed him something that
he had been doubting for a long time, maybe it was because Reg just didn’t
want to deal with bad endings anymore. He had his fair share of bad
endings and not feeling anything felt easier than trying to mend a broken
heart that wasn’t whole to start with.

This wasn’t because James was a bad person or because Sirius was
someone to leave him behind, it was just that Regulus wasn’t worth all the
trouble. They had saved him from a terrible fate by getting him out of 12
Grimmauld Place and that was enough. Any further thing they would do
could end up hurting everyone involved and Reg personally felt like he
wasn’t worth all that pain and suffering. It also felt like James had made
helping Regulus look like a Quidditch game he had to win rather than being
a situation with severe consequences. He felt like the Chaser had made such
a big deal out of helping Reg not to save Reg from the fear he carried but to
prove to himself that James could do anything he put his mind to. These
were all thoughts that ran inside Reg’s mind, some coherent, some complex
and some conflicting with others.

Reg didn’t know if James cared or he was just acting like he cared to fulfil
this task that he decided to take on. If he cared truly, Reg wasn’t sure if he
was worth it. Even if he was worth it, he didn’t know what would happen to
everyone when push came to shove. Even if they got over the trouble and
the hardship, Reg knew it would still end bad, it always did and for once in
his life, Reg decided it was important to protect himself from a bad ending.
He knew there was only one way to do that. No more James Potter, no more
Marauders, no more fun, no more feeling safe, no more nightmare visits, no
more Firewhiskey shots, no more hair kisses, no more stolen stares.
Distance. Yes, that’s the only solution.

Chapter End Notes

"alone with the hard feelings of love

god, I wish I believed ya
when you told me this was my home"

you know the name comes from Lorde's song right?

I had another task I had to do but I didn't want to do that so I wrote a

new chapter? I hope you liked it. There is two more left. Oh and I'm
sorry this is so short but these two chapters are POV and emotion
chapters so if they are too long, I lose sense.
 Chapter 15
Chapter Notes

that's a 1.5K chapter for you and it's the one before the last so brace
yourselves

bet you wanna rip my heart out

bet you wanna skip my calls now
See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Why do you have my cloak?” asked James, the moment he saw Peter
Pettigrew standing at the entrance of Great Hall with a look of desperation
on his face.

“Reg gave it to me,” Pete replied back, still holding onto the cloak with
some sort of misery that James had trouble understanding.

“Why would he do that?”

“He said Slughorn wanted to see him,” he replied giving the cloak back to
James. “And he then basically ran off.”

“Eh,” shrugged James as he carefully folded the cloak and then shoved in
his pocket like he just didn’t spend few seconds folding it delicately.
“Slughorn would want to see him, he is obsessed with him thinking he will
make it big some day or whatever.”

“I told him you were about to come but he didn’t listen,” said Peter as they
made their way to the Gryffindor table.

“Thanks Peter,” grinned James and he sat on his usual spot and dove into
the food in front of him. He thought he could ask Reg later what Slughorn
wanted with him. He remembered the night before hazily but he knew they
had a plan for a better future for Reg and that they were close enough that
Reg would come to him if something was wrong. “Close enough” thought
James and laughed involuntarily.

“What are you laughing at?” said Sirius as he sat down next to him as usual.
James didn’t have an answer for that. Was he supposed to say “oi, I was
thinking about how your little brother and I have the hots for each other?”
Nope.

“I just thought of a really nice prank on the Slytherin Quidditch team, I’ll
tell you in the Common Room, yeah?”

“Sure!” grinned Sirius with a pearl-white smile on his face. Nothing got this
boy more excited than making Slytherins miserable but he also had the
memory span of a troll so James thought this was a good way to get rid of
his questioning.

The day continued as usual until the end of the second class. James was
walking towards Potions when he saw Reg and smiled at him trying to start
up a conversation just to have him evade his eyes and continue walking.
Had he done something wrong when he was drunk? Had he done something
Reg didn’t want? Had he crossed a line? Or maybe simple Reg hadn’t
recognised him. Not that James had an unrecognisable face, like please, he
was one of a kind but Reg had just walked past. Potions was not James’ best
class so he had to focus but after that encounter he had trouble
concentrating.

“James!” warned Remus. “You are not supposed to put the beetle eye right
now! You are going to blow us up.”

“Sorry, Moons.”

“What’s with you today?” he asked. They weren’t supposed to be a pair

today but Slughorn was being his usual eccentric self making stuff up as he
goes and James had dreaded it, thinking about the not-so-lovely-talk they
had had but Remus had genuine concern in his voice. “It’s not like you to
be so uncareful.”
“I drank too much yesterday,” he said and he knew Remus didn’t buy that
for a second. James had drank more than this and played a full match of
Quidditch before without any adverse effects.

“Hmm,” he replied. Just as James had thought Remus Lupin didn’t believe
that excuse. It was alright though, he wasn’t asking questions. He wasn’t
nosey like James. James knew his bad qualities he just couldn’t justify
changing them, it was easier this way and it wasn’t like anyone had any
problems with it. Except Lily Evans but she was like that with everyone.

After Potions, James walked to his Charms class slowly. He took his time in
the corridors, looking around. Sirius and Peter had already disappeared to
go get their books from the dormitories and Remus was in his own world.
James’ eyes kept wandering around trying to find the tall Black boy but he
was nowhere to be seen. It was as if Reg as actively avoiding James or
James was being a bit too self-centred thinking what’s going on was about
him. He was known to be self-centred at times but not always, he just had a
bad feeling about this.

He sat down next to Sirius for Charms class, again not his best but he had
his moments. He was fairly certain he wouldn’t have one of those moments
today. “You win today, Evans,” he thought to himself.

“Have you seen Reg today,” he whispered to Sirius.

“Yeah, I saw him while running to the Common Room with Pete,” he
replied, his eyes still on the professor.

“Ah,” he said.

“Why? Something’s wrong?” inquired Sirius, this time turning his gaze to
James.

“What? No!” babbled James before he acted like he was scribbling down
notes on his book.

“Okay, Pads,” he laughed. “Calm down. I was asking because he looked

even sulkier than usual which is impressive by any standard.”
James faked a grin and stared at the writing board absentmindedly. He
didn’t even make an effort to beat Evans to answering questions. All he
could think about was why Reg wasn’t talking to him about what he was
going through. If he wasn’t imagining it they had decided that could talk
through what he was feeling so that he wouldn’t have to process everything
alone. It had been at most 12 hours after that talk and now Reg was sadder
than usual somewhere in the same castle as him and was preferring not to
come to James. By the way, James knew Reg’s schedule. There was no
reason for him to walk anywhere around or towards Gryffindor common
room for his Herbology class. He could have just as well used the main
corridor James used to get to Charms from Potions but James knew Reg had
chosen not to. There was something wrong, he knew it. He just didn’t know
how to get to him without making him distance himself even further. The
line between making him come closer and pushing him away forever was
so thin that James had trouble even seeing it and he wasn’t known to be
subtle with his actions either. He thought about how he was trying to handle
the situation with Remus and if he had even tried that with Reg, it was
closed doors afterwards.

James spent days thinking what he should do. In the meantime, he gave Reg
the space he looked like he wanted. He didn’t look towards the Slytherin
table at dinners, he didn’t look around trying to see him in corridors. He
didn’t even go with Sirius and Peter when they said they were going to
prank the Slytherin Common Room. James did what he thought Regulus
wanted, he distanced himself, too. He thought maybe if he gave him what
he wanted, he would bend easier but he felt like that wasn’t working out too
well either. From what he understood, Reg had felt so alone all his life.
Sirius had been there for him, of course, and James knew Sirius loved Reg
incredibly but Sirius had his own limitations. In distancing himself maybe
Reg was trying to prove something to himself. This idea had come to James
around 3 am and it was so crazy that it could be true. Maybe he convinced
himself that after all they went through James didn’t care. All that talk they
had the night before, Reg thought maybe it was the Firewhiskey talking.
Maybe he had distanced himself to show that “Yes, James doesn’t care. He
didn’t even bother checking in on you”. Reg was known to hide what he
really things until someone forces it out of him. James had done it many
times before but he hadn’t tried this time around because he thought Reg
wanted something else.

It was after dinner in the Common Room. Sirius and Pete were playing
Wizards’ Chess, Remus was by the fireplace, a week before his
transformation, reading a book. James was staring at the ceiling thinking
about all the ways he could solve whatever’s going on with Reg. With all
these thoughts running around in his mind, he got up suddenly and ran up to
the dormitory and came back to the Common Room in a flash. He was
holding the Marauders’ Map in one hand and Invisibility Cloak in the other.
He slowly unfolded the map and whispered “I solemnly swear I am up to no
good” to see it. He was actually up to some good this time around and his
eyes searched for Reg. After looking all around the castle, he caught his
name.

“You idiot.”

Chapter End Notes

I can't believe I updateeeeed, I hope you liked this chapter. While

writing about James' thoughts I got carried away and the way I tied
how he understood what Reg was doing is a bit weird but I know my
empath boy would catch on after a while and he knows Reg like the
back of his hand.

I love how the inspiration for the title ended up fitting this story so
much.

see you around when I have the guts the write the last chapter. thank
you for still reading it!
 Chapter 16
Chapter Notes

turns out the final chapter needed two parts

it has some dark thought processing and it's not a pretty picture I paint
so proceed at your own risk
See the end of the chapter for more notes

“You really didn’t choose my hideaway to hide from me Reg,” laughed

James, Invisibility Cloak in one hand, the seemingly empty parchment
paper on the other. “This is my spot.”

“How did you…” began Reg but didn’t finish the sentence. His eyes were
cloudy and the dark spots around them looked like the night sky drowning
the sun.

“The Cloak is not the only secret I have,” James smiled, softly gesturing to
the paper in his hand. “If you want me to go, I can leave but seeing you in
the Astronomy Tower made me realise you wanted to be found.”

“I didn’t.”

“There are a thousand places in Hogwarts you can go and be alone Reggie,”
said James as he slowly walked towards the stairs Reg was sitting on. “You
happened to choose the one I confided in you as my safe space? I’m not an
idiot.”

“I know that.”

“I know you know that,” James replied and sat, safely distanced from
Reggie in order to not scare him. James felt like he was trying to tame a
wild animal that was all alone in the wilderness with nowhere to go and
many dangers around him. For once, he thought, slow and steady would
win the race rather than fast and straightforward. “That’s also why I know
you coming here was a deliberate choice. Maybe you made it yourself,
maybe your heart made it for you. I wouldn’t know that much.”

“I just needed some fresh air,” argued Reg but they both knew it was futile.
This was a silent cry for help on Reg’s part. “Help” not as in he needed help
with a situation, help as in he didn’t trust his own mind at the moment. The
darkness was too strong sometimes. Reg felt like he was standing on the
edge of a bottomless lake and these dark thoughts lured him in and once
they got a hold of him, they dragged him down into the cold, dark waters
and Reg, in his desperation, surrendered to them. “I feel like I’m drowning
in my own mind.”

“Let’s make a pact, Reggie,” James slightly moved over to the other boy.
“Whatever you say up here, at any point in time, stays here forever. Yeah?”

“I’d like that.”

“Do you trust that I would do that for you?” asked James, he needed
Regulus to understand that James would never betray him. “Do you
understand that I would do whatever makes you the most comfortable and
happy?”

“I—“ sighed Reg. “I do, I really do but only when I’m next to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I’m next to you,” he began, his voice a little more shaky than James
would like but he didn’t move, he let the Black boy unravel before his eyes.
“I can keep the thoughts that creep and drown me at bay. Because when I’m
talking to you it’s like this light scares them away. Every time I leave your
side, they start creeping back up. They start going around in the bottomless
lake that is my mind trying to find a way they can get me closer to the edge.
All those thoughts, these ideas how no one cares and worst of all how you
don’t care grab me by the collar and pull me into that lake and drag me
further down every single night.”

“Can’t you push them away and swim to the surface?”

“Their grip is so strong,” shrugged Reg. He didn’t know if this metaphor
made sense but he knew he felt like he was drowning every time he was left
alone with his thoughts. “I can stay away from this lake when I’m
concentrated, like playing Quidditch or during class or when I’m with
people that I trust. Then when I’m alone, I’m weak. It’s like I don’t have
any willpower to stay away from those waters, like I’m dying of thirst when
no one’s around. Does this make any sense at all?”

“It does and it makes me realise that your mind is an incredible place,”
answered James, a very small smile came and passed. He didn’t want to
seem like he was enjoying this. “You just built me a whole world while
trying to explain what you are going through. I am so shit with words, I
wouldn’t be able to properly describe what I ate.”

“It’s that feeling of drowning in my own thoughts that created this

metaphor,” blabbered Reg. He ran his finger under his right eye and stared
outside. “I can’t be surrounded by people all the time in order to not feel
like this but I just don’t know how to process it.”

“Honestly, I don’t know the best thing to do either,” admitted James, his
hands twisted into a knot like Reg did when he wasn’t feeling great. “But I
know that my mum would know what to do if you wanted to confide in her
when we’re back for the holidays. Until then screw the school rules just
stay with us. Sirius and I’ll come up with some plans, you can sleep with
Sirius or you know, me. I can even talk to Minnie if you’d like to make it
less problematic.”

“I don’t know, James.”

“Evading us, evading me,” said James, moving even closer to the boy and
placing his hand on his thigh which startled Reg a little. “That’s the worst
thing you can do as far as I understand. I can’t, won’t let you drown Reggie.
Don’t make me sneak into the Slytherin Common Room every night
because I will.”

Reg slowly sank his head onto James’ shoulder and stood silent for a few
minutes. James let his head fall on his to let him know that he would do
whatever it takes to help him. They stood there like that for what felt like
hours. No one moved, no one said a word. James suddenly felt Reg smile
and hiccup at the same time.

“Do you know,” he laughed through sniffles. “I just realised that lake is in
the middle of a meadow, I always thought it was in a cave. There are
flowers and shit around.”

James laughed a little and landed a soft kiss on the other boys forehead
without lifting his head too much.

“I guess it’s sunny inside.”

“Brighter than your Quidditch future, I dare say,” he laughed again and that
was the best sound to James’ ears.

“I don’t want to alarm you,” James began lifting his head up turning
towards Reg. “But we need to address the elephant in the room.”

“The what?”

“I love that saying,” James smiled. “Pete uses it all the time. It means there
is a huge thing that we are ignoring that we should be talking about.”

“Oh,” said Reg, his eyebrows slightly raised. His eyes looked even deeper
grey now that his eyes were red from crying. “What is it?”

“It’s just that,” James let out a huge breath. “I like you. I like you a lot. We
may be past the point of ‘liking’ at the moment to be honest. I don’t know
how to process this, what to do about it because I know you’re going
through so much and I’m being so selfish and for fuck’s sake you’re my
best friends younger brother but you just keep doing these amazing things
to me and I’m in awe of you quite literally all the time and I just... yeah,
that’s the elephant. That’s my elephant in the room. This is absolutely not
the right time for this, is it?”

Chapter End Notes

how did you like the metaphor? I actually loved how I was able to fit
what happened in canon in this AU like this. also if you every had to
deal with intrusive thoughts that made you feel bad about everything
that's going on, you might empathise with the feeling. the reason I
wrote so much about that was because I could.

thank you so so so so so so much reading and leaving comments and

kudos and just generally being as excited as I am for these two idiots.
 Chapter 17
Chapter Notes

i can't believe this is the end of this fic. I hope you like the final
chapter. I am laughing to myself because I can't believe for the life of
me I finished it.

enjoy.
See the end of the chapter for more notes

Regulus’ ears were ringing. Did he just say that maybe he loved him like he
would say he was going to have some tea?

“This is absolutely not the right time for this, is it?” he said and Regulus
could swear the world was spinning faster than usual. It must have been the
dehydration making him hallucinate things, he had cried too much and
hadn’t eaten much in the past few days.

“Reg?”

“Huh?”

“You okay?” he asked his hand softly touching Reggie’s arm.

“Yeah I’m—” he began. “I hallucinated something, it was bizarre.”

“Like goblins, merpeople and stuff?”

“No,” he smiled. “You said some weird stuff about elephants, it was very
realistic.”

“But Reggie,” laughed James. “I said some stuff about elephants. I mean
that’s absolutely not how I would summarise it but elephants were…
present in what I said.”
“So you said…” he let out a short breath, it felt like all the air surrounding
him wasn’t enough. “You said…”

“I said,” he imitated deep breaths to calm Regulus down. “I said I

practically loved you and didn’t know what to do about it.”

“Oh.”

“Oh is right,” James laughed. “It can be one-sided Reg, that’s more than
fine.”

“I had never heard that before.”

“The elephant thing?” James grinned, his eyes were panicking but the smile
was genuine. “Yeah I hadn’t either. Muggles have a way with words.”

“No,” giggled Reg. He didn’t know where the giggle came from, it might
have been either because he was actually very happy or, and that was a very
big or, because he was delirious. “I hadn’t heard anyone say ‘I love you’
before,” he continued laughing. His giggle had turned to full on wheezing at
this point. “And from you of all people.”

“Reg, are you okay?” James asked.

“No,” Reg replied still laughing. He could feel his stomach hurting from
laughing too much, his eyes were watery and the tears were about to come
out. “No, I don’t think so.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” and that made Reg laugh even harder. “You shouldn’t be sorry at all
seeing I have been fighting this crush on you for months now. I am not bold
enough like you to say love, James, but to hear that was one of the best
moments in my entire life.”

“It was?”

“Are you insane, Potter?” he grinned. Reg took a few deep breaths to slow
down his current situation. This boy had just said he loved him and Reg
thought if he kept up the laughing, James would run away without looking
back. After he calmed down, he turned to his side and positioned himself
facing James, his face was still facing the view of the Astronomy Tower and
Merlin, was he beautiful. “I have been laughing maniacally because I never
saw this coming even in my wildest dreams. I thought I would have this
crush, stay away from you and swallow my feelings until they went away.”

At this point James turned to him. His skin under the pale moonlight still
looked golden as if a thousand stars were shining on him. His glasses were
slightly crooked, his eyes looked a little groggy. Reg had seen every version
of him, or so he thought. Reg had never seen James frightened. He had seen
him scared but never frightened.

“I don’t know much about love, James,” he said looking straight into his
eyes. “But I know I have never felt safer with anyone else in my life.”

Then the impossible happened. Reg saw shine in James’ eyes, more than
usual and before he knew it a single tear drop trickled down James’ dark
skin and before it could reach his lips, James pushed it away.

“It’s alright, Jamie.”

“No,” he argued. “No, it’s not. I am so happy that you are having these
feelings about me but fucking hell Reg, what if you hadn’t met me? What
then? You would have continued drowning in your mind in dark caves?”

“That’s not the point, James,” he smiled and put his hand on James’ thigh.
“The point is we somehow met. We might not have and I might have
drowned but that didn’t happen. I needed someone and lucky me, you were
exactly what I needed.”

“I may never have gotten out of that house,” Reg continued, still his hand
on James’ thigh but now with James’ hand covering his. “Sirius might have
left me behind out of fear for his life but he didn’t. The moment I walked
out of the that hell hole’s doors, I couldn’t have landed in a better place than
next to you. I know that.”
“But then why,” he sniffled a little and Reg knew there were maybe one
more person in the entire Hogwarts student body who got to saw James like
this. “Why would you hide from me Reg?”

“Because you are too good to be true.”

“But I am… true.”

“How could I have known that?” Reg asked with a smile expecting James
to empathise even if he could never understand where Reg was coming
from. “I thought love was nice clothes for a night and being yelled at for
your own good, James. I just didn’t understand what I felt for you and I
especially didn’t understand all the things you did to help me. I know it
sounds—”

“Doesn’t matter how it sounds, Reg,” and he gave Reg’s hand a soft
squeeze. “That’s how you felt and I could have never known that because I
was so consumed by my need to help you that I never tried to understand
how it must feel for you.”

“So,” smiled Reg. “What do we do know?”

“We carry on as we were,” James replied. “Nothing needs to change.”

“But you said—”

“Yes,” he cut Reg off. “And I don’t see why that should change anything.
Why should there be a label when we are comfortable as we are? You are
comfortable as we are, right?”

“As ever,” he assured. “And Sirius?”

“Oh,” James laughed. “Yeah, not yet if you don’t want a whole ordeal over
this situation.”

“Not at all,” Reg joined to James’ laughter. “Can we sit here a bit longer?”

“However long you’d like,” he said that and landed a soft kiss on Reg’s
forehead. Reggie had grown fond of the little kisses James gave him on his
hair and on his forehead. Reg had woken up way too many times too close
to the Quidditch Golden Boy to not wonder what it would be like to kiss
him. Would he taste sweet like his skin made him look or would he have a
bite to it like his personality? As James pulled away from the forehead kiss,
Reg could tell similar questions plagued James.

“I’m—”

“Yeah, no questions James.”

It was like fire. Not that it hurt but Reg’s heart was beating so hard and
James felt so warm, he thought he was in a Fiendfyre. It wasn’t even a
loaded kiss but as far as what Reg dreamed of went, he couldn’t have
imagined this, this was something completely different. It was like being
under a spell, it felt like the breath you took after being under water for too
long, it felt like getting back at life for what it put Reg through. James’ hand
finally left his and found its way to Reg’s cheek and Reg felt a wave of
serenity wash over him. He always smelled like sugar, spice and everything
nice (he had seen that once on a Muggle shop) and now, he felt like it too.
Reg had flings before like all boys in Hogwarts do, he hadn’t felt anything
but it felt normal like what any boy his age would do but now that he knew
what the real version felt like, he didn’t intend on going back.

When they both pulled back, they both smiled. It wasn’t a “oh Merlin what
did we do?” smile, it was a “Merlin, that was better than I imagined” smile
and Reg knew and he knew that James knew, too.

“It was worth the wait,” James said and pushed Reg’s hair behind his ear.
“It was worth waking up next to you mere inches from you and just being
patient.”

“Oh, Potter,” he laughed. “But you are never patient.”

“When it comes to you Black,” he said with such confidence Reg thought
he might swoon. “I am anything and everything.”

Reg couldn’t find the words to answer that. He raised an eyebrow and
smiled instead. He tried not to think about the repercussions of this. One
question echoed in his mind about what people and his family would say
but James landed a soft kiss on his neck just then and Reg forgot about what
he was thinking about. Whatever people said, they would handle it and
that’s how he felt at that moment.

“Are you alright staying here?” asked James as he looked at the view. “It
might get colder soon.”

“Yeah, I don’t mind,” replied Reg. He was feeling euphoric and couldn’t
feel anything but the places James was touching him. At this particular
moment, his hand was one fire and the rest of his body was numb.

They stayed there for what felt like hours and spoke about the usual
subjects , mostly Quidditch, as if nothing had happened when everything
had happened at once. Reg felt like nothing had changed because that’s how
easy it was to be with James but he also knew everything he had known and
everything that will happen starting now had changed. It was the breaking
point, it was the moment that his fate shifted its course or at least, that’s
how Reg felt. Now that he was sitting next to James knowing full well what
he was thinking about him felt serene and happy. Regulus was getting used
to some new feelings and ways of existing now that the cage he was put in
by his parents had been broken open by the one decision his brother had
made in a moment of despair, then the decision James had made to lay with
him, the decision they made to be friends and confidants and all those
decisions had led up to this moment in time with James’ hand on his. So he
would stay there even if it rained and poured, winds threatened to blow off
the roof, sun burnt his whiter than snow skin, he wouldn’t move. He would
be “alright” staying with James Potter wherever, whenever and forever.

Chapter End Notes

the song of this fic has now shifted from hard feelings to king of my
heart by taylor swift

is this the end of all the endings?

my broken bones are mending
with all these nights we're spending
up on the roof with a school girl crush

[...]

and all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for
king of my heart, body and soul

on that note, thank you to everyone who read and re-read and left
kudos & comments on this fic. I know it was a painful read for some of
you since it took me too long to finish a ~30K slow burn fic but I did it.
the only reason this fic has an end is you. every time I saw the kudos,
read the comments and saw the subscriptions go up, I knew I had to
finish it for you lovely people. thank you for coming on this journey
with me and my two idiots.

wherever, whenever, forever babies. see you around.

Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you
enjoyed their work!