Nativity House Drama Script

SCENE ONE

Mr Madden: 'That's me, Paul Maddens, back in drama school.

'Yes, l look like an idiot.
'And there's my girlfriend, Jennifer, with our best mate, Benny Palmer
'We were the three amigos, with the world at our feet.'
'Jen and her family always loved Christmas.
'And it was Jennifer who taught me to love it, too.
Benny always said he loved Christmas,
'but the only thing he truly loved was himself.'

Benny Palmer: l am just completely above this.

This is just pointless.
This is the last time I’m playing an elf. l could at least be Father Christmas.

Jennifer: l can't do this anymore. It’s ridiculous.

Benny: You're really good, though.

Jennifer: There's no control being an actor.

You're just doing other people's ideas. I’d rather be in control.
l don't know, like directing, producing.

Benny: I think you should consider that.

Jennifer: l will.

Mr Madden: That's why I’m going to train as a teacher.

(Jennifer and Gordon/Benny laugh at him)

Benny: Give it three years and if you're as bad as you are now, give up.
At least try. You know… those who can't act, teach.

Jennifer and Benny together: And those who can't teach, teach primary. (Look
at each other while saying this and agree/nod) (Make joke here)

Mr Madden: Good thing I want to teach secondary! Who even says that?
Gordon/Benny: It’s a truism.

Mr Madden: (In a monologue style) And so that's what l did, l became a

teacher and Jennifer …. seemed really proud of me.
As l was of her, when she went to Hollywood and became a producer.
Benny Palmer became a teacher at the (be sarcastic when saying this) best
private school in the town
Every Christmas, his productions of the nativity won the five-star review in the
local paper……….
And that's when l decided l hated Christmas.
(Mr Madden exits stage)

Someone walks across the stage with sign that says - FIVE YEARS LATER

SCENE TWO

(In Mr Maddens classroom with lots of children chatting and excited. They are
messing around and throwing paper aeroplanes and shouting)

Mr Maddens: Sit down all of you!!

(Oli throws paper aeroplane at Mr Madden)
Oli that’s you in detention.
(TJ laughs at Oli)
TJ, that’s you in detention for a week. And also TJ that’s your parents coming
into school tomorrow.

(Children finally agree and sit down at their desks)

Mr Maddens: Everyone get your maths books out.

Oli: But Mr Maddens its nearly Christmas, can we please decorate the
classroom?

Mr Madden: No! I’d much rather display your work on our notice board, than
displaying stupid Christmas decorations.
Whole class: Noooooo. Please Sir. Come on. (People say different variations of
this in a complaining manner)

Bob: Maybe just some tinsel???

TJ: Or an advent calendar??

Whole class: Yeh Yeh an advent calendar

Mr Madden: I said NO!

Mr Madden: But if you all think love Christmas so much, who can spell
Bethlehem? Go

(Lots of children in the class put up their hand and keep their hand up unless
Mr Maddens picks them. Mr Maddens choses one of them first)

(Minnie): B-E-L-E

Mr Madden: (Interrupt the child) No. Next Oli

Oli: B-U-M

(All the class laugh)

Mr Madden: No Oli! Next person

Alfie: B-E-L-E

Mr Madden: NO!!!

(Before Mr Maddens can ask another child, Mrs Bevan interrupts. In walks Mrs
Bevan)
Mrs Bevan: Hello class. Merry Christmas all. Hello Mr Maddens.

Whole class: (Say it in a drowning bored tone like we had to do in Melrose and
Year 7, when a teacher walked in) Good morning, Mrs Bevan.
Mrs Bevan: I have a little surprise for you all and for you Mr Madden, just to
make this busy Christmas period easier for you especially……. Come on
Desmond, come on.

(Enter Mr Poppy: He runs in with his coat like a cape, singing and shouting.
Gets all the children really excited. The class are clapping and whooping.

Mr Poppy: NEEEOOWWWWW (plane noise)

(The whole class laugh and cheer)

Mr Maddens: QUIET QUIET CLASS, Mrs Bevan what is the meaning of this?

Mrs Bevan: Well……now, as we all know, last year Miss Geach did the nativity
play, and if you remember, she got a little bit upset about the biblical
inaccuracy of the lobsters and kangaroos at the birth of Jesus and…. She
started growling at you, and some of you started to growl back...

(Naomi): (growls at Mrs Bevan)

Mrs Bevan: Yes, just like that.

Mrs Bevan: So, this year we’ve decided that…

MRMADDENSYOULLBEDOINGTHENATIVITY (said very quicky and
enthusiastically, runs away quickly nearly off stage)

(Children are still doing things on the stage but are quiet and make no noise.
So silent acting.)

Mr Maddens: (catches her just before Mrs Bevan is off stage, grabs her) MRS
BEVANS, this is ridiculous! I did just one drama qualification I’m hardly
qualified for this – I’m useless… THESE KIDS ARE USELESS!

(Mr Madden and Mrs Bevan looks over and all the kids are doing silly stuff in
the classroom and messing around. Mr Poppy is messing around with them
too.)

Mrs Bevan: I’m really sorry Mr Maddens I’ve been left with no choice, Mr
McGovern is busy printing new uniform slips and Dr Marshall is too busy
playing with her worms – sighs Just try to remember… fais ce que dois
advienne que pourra

ALL STUDENTS and Mrs Bevan: (kids drop what they are doing and stand up
like robots in military salute and robot voice)
Do what is right, come what may
(All kids just sit back down and carry on like normal, like nothing just
happened.)

(Mr Maddens and Mrs Bevan leave the stage, but Mr Poppy and kids are still
on stage.)

Mr Poppy: OGGY OGGY OGGY

Whole class: OI OI OI

Mr Poppy: SUP guys, I’m Mr Poppy and I’m your new teaching assistant! Aka
your best friend! Lesson ONE… repeat after me…
MISS MISS, I CAN’T DO THIS IVE GOT MY KNICKERS IN A RIGHT OLD TWIST

Whole class: (repeat)

(Then start playing stuck in the mud/tig and and running around. Mr poppy is
stuck)

Mr Maddens: EXCUSE ME, you’re an adult. Come here and speak to me now.

Mr Poppy: I can’t, I’ve been tigged. I’m stuck.

Mr Maddens: (Makes a scary face and stares at Mr Poppy until he moves and
walks over to him)

Mr Poppy: sup dude I’m Mr Poppy, we were just getting super-duper excited
about the nativity! Come on who wants to do the play?

Whole class: yeh yeh me me (Said all at the same time)

Mr Poppy: Everyone move the tables to one side let’s start practicing! Who
wants to go on a death slide, who wants to ride a donkey, BABY JESUS!! We
need a real baby Jesus, anyone got a baby brother or sister. Or a small dog.
(Class begins moving tables and pushing them to one side of stage)

Mr Maddens: NOPE, the tables are staying where they are!

ALFIE, TJ PUT THEM BACK, THE NEXT PERSON TO MOVE THEIR TABLE GETS AN
ORDER MARK!
See. This is why I HATE the nativity. Why would I want to take away from
teaching the children how to read, write and use their decider skills!
This is ridiculous. I need some air…

(Mr maddens walks off stage to below the stage on the floor. And is about to
bump into Benny Palmer)

Mr. Poppy: Why is Mr Maddens such a grumpy wumpy?

(Abbie): His girlfriend left him at Christmas time.

Mr Poppy: Oh where's his girlfriend now?

(Amy H): In America!!

Mr Poppy: America! How cool is that

(Lottie): It is cool, but it is a long, long way away from here, she may as well be
in Torteval!

Mr Poppy: Poor Mr Maddens

(Mr maddens walks down and bumps into benny palmer)

Benny Palmer: I don’t believe it, Paul Maddensssssss!

Mr Maddens: Benny Palmer (said begrudgingly and awkward)

Benny Palmer: How are you doing my man, where have you been?

(Benny goes in for an awkward hug, Mr Madden begrudgingly agrees)

Mr madden: Just reached 5 years at TLC actually

Benny Palmer: Oh really…..But you were going to be the star…..The man!

Mr Maddens: Was I, I never thought that

Benny Palmer: We all did, and then it all.... went (Points to the ground and
makes a face) … Now you are up the road, eh! How's it up there at the old LC,
goodness me all those girls walking round with those piercings, and their short
short (emphasise short short) skirts, they wouldn’t know two inches above the
knee if it hit them in the face!

(Mr Maddens tries to speak and gets cut off by Benny)

Benny palmer: Bad for you eh, but anyway….my school has just come into a
lovely sum of money, since you know that old (pretend to chop head off with
your finger and make a dying face) ……and after converting that beauty of a
bank into a nice new plot for my boys, the money left is going to give us the
best nativity this year. Some would say the Nativity of the year.
But anyways, enough about me for now, How’s Jennifer?

Mr Maddens: Yeah, yeah, we keep in touch all the time, and she's actually just
added me on Be real recently

Benny Palmer: She's done well for herself, hasn’t she.... Well, if you think I am
talented, well she’s just another level, and way above me, and uh... and clearly
you

Mr Maddens: Clearly…. She’s actually coming over soon to see our nativity

Benny Palmer: Yeh? Why on earth would she want to do that?

Mr Maddens: (act unsure and not really sure what to say. Act nervous and
suspicious) Welllll… actually she’s bringing most of her agency with her

Benny Palmer: Her agency from Hollywood…..Sorry Hollywood. Are coming. To

The Ladies College

Mr Maddens: yyyep.

Benny Palmer: to see your show?

Mr maddens: yyyep.

Benny Palmer: to film your show?

Mr maddens: yyyep.

Benny Palmer: to make a film out of it?

Mr maddens: yyyep…. And a book

(Mr poppy has been eavesdropping this whole time, leaning over the stage,
with a hand to his ear. And runs back to the classroom dancing)

Mr Poppy: YOULL NEVER GUESS WHAT, GATHER ROUND, IVE GOT A SECRET TO
TELL YOU
I’ve just been walking up the grange after getting some chicken nuggets from
doyles and I heard Mr Maddens say that A big Hollywood production film
company thing are coming HERE TO SEE OUR NATIVITY… It’s going to be
NATIVITY THE MUSICAL IN 3D WITH 5D SOUND AND WERE ALL GONNA BE
FAMOUS!

Whole class: (SCREAM and run off all excited)

SCENE THREE

(The school bell goes off, and someone places a sign on the lectern that says:
“Auditions at 9:30 am”)

(Mr poppy and Mr maddens enter the stage and sit at at top of stairs with a
table and chairs)

(Play “Santa Claus is coming to town” over the auditions)

Auditions occur:

Mr Poppy: Okay we are ready for you, 1st up….

Charlotte and Millie = Bright red

Hattie, Izzy, Evie, Frankie = Street dance
Amy H and GG = Burp alphabet
Naomi and Megan = Tap dancing
Hope = Christmas song
Claudia and Lottie = Flips
Stella = ……
Someone = Sing ‘To Be a Pilgrim’ or ‘Adestafidalis’

Mr Maddens: Well done everyone that was brilliant. You are all talented when
you choose to be.

Mr Poppy: Now let’s do a warmup before we practice some songs!!!

(It’s now Mr Poppy’s warm up) (Everyone gets into position)

(Start warm up to Jackson 5 “I want you back”)

(Mr Poppy leads warm up.)

(While the warmup is happening, the EC students are making their way up the
aisle.)

(When they reach a bit more than halfway up the aisle…)

Mr Poppy: STOP THE MUSIC, LOOK, (Points into audience) SPIES, MR

MADDENS, IT’S THE FREAKS, ATTACK!!!!!!!!

(Infront of the stage, the EC students get into a position, while Benny shouts
this)

Benny Palmer: CRY GOD For HARYY, England and King Charlessssss!!!! SEMPER
EADAM! ATTACK

(The EC students run on stage and fights LC.)

(Some rap music/fight song comes on)

(All the children are fighting. Mr Maddens sees Benny attack a child and runs
over)

Mr Maddens: GET OFF THAT CHILD BENNY!!!

(Mr Maddens pushes Benny, they then get into a physical fight. All the children
stop fighting one another and gather round Mr Maddens and Benny fighting to
the ground. All the children and Mr Poppy are chanting fight, fight, fight)

Mr Poppy: Come on Mr Maddens, get him to the ground. (Say more here and
make joke about EC)

Mr Maddens: STOP BENNY. ENOUGH. What are you doing. Get out of here.

(Benny gets up and calls the EC Students to retreat down to aisle. All children
clear off the stage, leaving Mr maddens and Mr poppy alone on stage)

(Mr Maddens looks sad and worn out)

Mr Poppy: Are you alright sir, what’s wrong, you nearly……... beat him.

(Mr Madden shakes his head)

Mr Poppy: Oh no what??? Did they run out of sausage rolls in the core for
break.

Mr Maddens: No Desmond, worse.

Mr Poppy: did someone get caught vaping in the toilets again

Mr Maddens: that was quite bad, but no, WORSE

Mr Poppy: What on earth could be worse?!

Mr Maddens: I lied, about everything, Hollywood aren’t coming, they never

were. You were eavesdropping on a conversation that wasn’t meant for you.
It’s obviously a lie, Hollywood aren’t coming to The Ladies College. It’s a lie, its
not true. I made it up.

Mr Poppy: (shocked) I cannot believe it, you lied to everyone.

Mr Madden: You were the one that messed up. And now its up to you to face
your responsibility and tell the children Hollywood aren’t coming. And you
know what. The whole nativity is cancelled. I call it off. Tell the children.
Mr Poppy: Come on Mr Maddens, please don’t cancel the nativity, that’s too
far. It’s all the children are talking about. It doesn’t matter Hollywood aren’t
coming, we can still do the play.

Mr Madden: No. It’s not happening. Its completely cancelled. Go tell the
children.

Mr Poppy: Ugh. Fine.

(Both walk off stage at opposite sides. End of scene.)

SCENE FOUR

Mr Poppy: Come on kids we need to send a video to Jennifer in Hollywood.

This is what will make Mr Maddens let us do the Nativity.

(Mr Poppy walks off and the children sit on front of the stage)

(Someone walk across stage with sign that says – ‘somewhere in Hollywood’)

Jennifer’s boss: (In America accent) Jennifer, there’s a video here for you, it’s
from some school in Guernsey, you might want to see it…

Jennifer: thank you gary

(Kids sat on front of stage, Jennifer pretends to press play on video)

(Kids say individual things)

Claudia: Mr Maddens misses you

Lucy C: He’s heartbroken without you

Elise: Mr Maddens needs you

Hope W: Mr Maddens is having a hard time without you

Tilly: Please Jennifer, please come back and mend Mr Maddens heart
Abbie M: Without you Mr Maddens is lost

Lauren: So please, please come and come and see our play while you’re here

Jennifer: I need to fix this

(Jennifer walks off stage crying)

(Children remain sat on edge of stage)

(Someone walks on stage with sign that says ‘somewhere in Guernsey’)

(Mr Maddens walks on stage from the opposite side to Jennifer and has box
with childrens letters to Santa on them. He begins to read them. But it’s the
children reading them on the front of stage)

Alfie: Dear Father Christmas, please could you make my Christmas wish come
true and make Hollywood come, so Mr Maddens lets us do the nativity.

Oli: Dear Santa. Please send me lots of surprises and get Mr Madden to let us
do the nativity so my mum can see me and be proud, because she never is. I’d
really like to be Joseph, my mums never seen me do a school play before.
Thank you, from Oli

TJ: Dear Santa, please let my Christmas wish come true, I just want everyone in
the world to be happy. Even Mr Maddens. Please help Mr Maddens get his
girlfriend back and help make her come to Guernsey so we can do our nativity.
Thank you, Santa.

(Mr Maddens is crying at this point.)

Bob: Dear father Christmas, please make my teacher happy because he seems
sad and he doesn’t even like Christmas, so please help him find his smile.
Thank you, Santa.

Mr Maddens: I need to fix this

(Mr Maddens runs off crying)

(The children leave stage)

SCENE FIVE

(Mr Maddens bursts on stage, shouting)

Mr Maddens: RIGHT WHO WANTS TO GO ON A DEATH SLIDE!!!!

The nativity is back on! It doesn’t matter that Hollywood isn’t coming, I’ve told
the parents to come, Mr Poppy get the children ready, we’re on in five!

(Mrs Bevan and Mr poppy look shocked, they hug then run after him)

SCENE SIX

(Mrs Bevan is centre stage, looking at audience)

Mrs Bevan: Thank you for all coming on such late notice…... we are excited to
present to you… THE NATIVITY!!!!!!!

Mr poppy: (Mr Poppy shouts from off stage so the audience can hear) Can
everyone make sure they’ve done a POO and a WEE before we go on…. Oh
we’re on…5678

(Mrs Bevan exist)

(Everyone runs onstage)

SPARKLE AND SHINE

Hollywood come up the aisle in a carboard box with helicopter written on it
while performing
Holly wood arrive while we sing song and stand watching on stairs
Hollywood pretending to take photos
Sparkle and shine ends

(Hollywood are making their way up the aisle as the song goes on, when it
ends everyone realises)

KID: OMG ITS HOLLYWOOD!

(All the children cheer)

(Children run off)
BRIGHTEST STAR
Izzy Hattie Frankie Evie Abbie

(While Brightest Star song goes on, everyone makes their way to the back of
the hall and gets ready with their flashlights for One Night song. Make sure you
are in your correct line. – this includes all Ladies and Elizabeth college children,
teachers, Benny – but excludes Megan and Tilly C)

ONE NIGHT ONE Moment

Mary, Joseph, Mr Madden, Jennifer, Bob, Oli, TJ, Alfie, Abbie Bran are only ones
on stage.
Everyone starts from back off the room in their correct line, with torches
lighting their faces, walking up the aisle while singing.
Mary and Joseph do the solo part and people walking up the aisle sing the
repeated parts. When it gets to main bit of song, everyone should be on stage.
Its ends with Bob doing the long singing bit.

(Song ends and that’s end of play)