Example Candidate Responses – Paper 2

Cambridge International A Level

Chinese Language & Literature 9868
For examination from 2024
© Cambridge University Press & Assessment 2024 v1
Cambridge Assessment International Education is part of Cambridge University Press & Assessment. Cambridge University Press &
Assessment is a department of the University of Cambridge.

Cambridge University Press & Assessment retains the copyright on all its publications. Registered centres are permitted to copy
material from this booklet for their own internal use. However, we cannot give permission to centres to photocopy any material that
is acknowledged to a third party even for internal use within a centre.
Contents

Introduction ...................................................................................................................................................................... 4
.
Question 1 ....................................................................................................................................................................... 6
.
Example Candidate Response – high ............................................................................................................................. 6

.
Example Candidate Response – middle ......................................................................................................................... 8

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Example Candidate Response – low............................................................................................................................. 10
Question 2 ..................................................................................................................................................................... 13
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Example Candidate Response – high ........................................................................................................................... 13
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Example Candidate Response – middle ....................................................................................................................... 15
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Example Candidate Response – low............................................................................................................................. 17
Question 3 ..................................................................................................................................................................... 20
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Example Candidate Response – high ........................................................................................................................... 20
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Example Candidate Response – middle ....................................................................................................................... 23
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Example Candidate Response – low............................................................................................................................. 26
Example Candidate Responses – Paper 2

Introduction
The main aim of this booklet is to exemplify standards for those teaching Cambridge International A Level Chinese
Language & Literature and to show how different levels of candidates’ performance (high, middle and low) relate to the
syllabus requirements. This document helps teachers to assess the standards required to achieve marks beyond the
guidance of the mark scheme.

In this booklet candidate responses have been chosen from the June 2024 exam series to exemplify a range of
answers.

For each question, the response is annotated with examiner comments about where and why marks were awarded or
omitted. This is followed by comments on how the answer could be improved. There is also a list of common mistakes
and guidance for candidates for each question.

Please refer to the June 2024 Examiner Report for further details and guidance.

The questions and mark schemes are available on the School Support Hub

June 2024 Question Paper 22

June 2024 Mark Scheme 22

Past exam resources and other teaching and learning resources are available on the School Support Hub

4
 How to use this booklet
This booklet goes through the paper one question at a time, showing you a high-, middle- and low-level response for
11/24, 3:10 PM
each question. The candidate answers arePrintset in a table. In the left-hand column are the candidate answers, and in
Script
the right-hand column are the examiner comments.

Example Candidate Response – high Examiner comments

1 The essay begins with a
comprehensive introduction, skilfully
setting the context before presenting
the candidate’s viewpoint, resulting
in a clear and engaging opening.
2 The structure is well organised,
employing ‘on one hand’ and ‘on the
other hand’ to present arguments
from different perspectives. Each
paragraph introduces others’
viewpoints before offering a
1 counterargument.
Examiner comments explain
2 where and why marks were
awarded. These help to interpret
the standard of Cambridge
exams to help learners refine
Responses are written by real candidates in exam
their exam technique.
conditions, demonstrating the types of answers for each
level. These could be used to discuss and analyse the
answers with learners in the classroom to improve their
skills.

How the candidate could improve their answer

• The candidate needs to address the first part of the topic by adding two points related to the unique lifestyle
of the people in the village. This section explains how the candidate could improve
• The candidate could have kept the introduction andeach response.
closing It helps
sentences brief learners to improve their exam
and concise.
technique.
• The candidate should avoid writing irrelevant details and focus more on the topic given for the summary.

Common mistakes and guidance for candidates

• There were plenty of opportunities for candidates to score maximum marks in this part. The points given for
discussion were specific and clear and demanded This section
exactlists common mistakes as well as helpful guidance
information.
• from the examiner.
Candidates not familiar with this style of summary writing tried to This will help your
summarise learners
the whole to avoid
passage andthese
gave
mistakes. You can use this alongside the
lengthy irrelevant details, missing out the required information or neglecting the word limit.relevant Examiner
Report to guide your learners.
• Direct lifting of information from text affects the language marks negatively.
• Candidates who were careless regarding the spelling and grammatical structures lost marks for language.
For this exercise, they reproduce the information from the given text after tailoring it to suit the demand of the
topic. Spelling and grammatical errors can be avoided.
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 Question 1
1/24, 3:10 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – high Examiner comments

1

2 " "
" "

3
1
2
" "
' '

3
4

5 " "

5
"
"

6
6

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7/11/24, 3:10 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – high, continued Examiner comments

Mark for Content = 8 out of 8
Mark for Linguistic range and
organisation = 6 out of 6
Mark for Language accuracy =
5 out of 6
Total mark awarded = 19 out of 20
.
" " " / "
" " " " " " " "

How the candidate could improve their answer

• In the second paragraph, the candidate presents the rigour of classroom knowledge and the questionable
nature of social media knowledge to prove that classroom knowledge is more useful. To make this section
more convincing, the candidate could:
○ provide specific examples illustrating the greater rigour of classroom knowledge
○ offer a couple of real-world examples of misinformation spread on social media that twist facts and
mislead learners.
• The third paragraph would benefit from a similar approach. The candidate mentions mathematics and
history, explaining why they are useful. If more specific examples were provided, the essay would be more
persuasive.
• In the conclusion, there is a minor grammatical error in ‘以史明志’. Using ‘更能让我们以史为鉴/鉴古知今’
would be more appropriate.
• The candidate should pay closer attention to choosing the correct characters, for example: ‘占据’ instead of
‘占聚’ ， ‘媒体’ instead of ‘媒地’.

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 Example Candidate Responses – Paper 2
/24, 3:13 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – middle Examiner comments

1 The phrase ‘城池间的飞鸽传书’
is used effectively.
2 A comprehensive introduction
that skilfully presents the candidate’s
1 viewpoint within context.
3 The candidate has made a
strong argument of the falsity of
social media knowledge.
4 The candidate gives two reasons
why social media knowledge could
be false and misleading.
5 The candidate uses complex
sentence structures, such as ‘不
2 仅……还……进而……’
3 6 This paragraph points out that
social media knowledge can mislead
adolescents who are lacking fully
developed judgement.
4
7 The candidate makes another
strong point of the harmfulness of
social media knowledge.
1.

2.

5 3.

4.
6

7 5.

6.

7.
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 Example Candidate Responses – Paper 2
7/11/24, 3:13 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – middle, continued Examiner comments

8 The candidate provides
examples of harmful knowledge from
social media.
9 The conclusion emphasises the
importance of nurturing the abilities
of judgement and critical thinking in
education.

8 Mark for Content = 6 out of 8

Mark for Linguistic range and
organisation = 5 out of 6
Mark for Language accuracy =
5 out of 6
Total mark awarded = 16 out of 20

8.
9

9.

How the candidate could improve their answer

• The essay argues strongly on why social media knowledge is not useful. It could score higher in the Content
category by adding arguments and specific examples of why classroom knowledge is more useful.
• The candidate would benefit from choosing more suitable characters on some occasions. For example,
the candidate should use ‘权利’ instead of ‘权力’, ‘学科知识’ instead of ‘学科性知识’, and ‘取代…的地位’
instead of ‘占领…的地位’.
• To improve the grammar, the candidate should delete ‘这般’ from the sentence ‘在当下这般自媒体兴盛的
时期’ The candidate needs to use correct punctuation. For example, he/she should use pause marks ‘、’ and
commas ‘，’ appropriately in long sentences.
• In the conclusion, the candidate would benefit from restating his/her viewpoint that classroom knowledge is
more useful than social media knowledge.

* " "

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11/24, 3:17 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – low Examiner comments

1 The introduction clearly states
the candidate’s viewpoint.
2 The candidate uses ‘首先’
‘其次’ ‘最后’ to divide the argument
into three main parts. This makes
the structure of the essay very clear.
3 The candidate gives examples to
demonstrate that some knowledge
1 from social media is useless and
may lead to serious consequences.

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7/11/24, 3:17 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – low, continued Examiner comments

4 The candidate uses the ‘online
course’ example to show it is not as
effective as classroom teaching.
4
5 The candidate points out that
schoolteachers can teach ‘correct
knowledge’ whilst cultivating critical
thinking skills in students.
6 The final paragraph restates the
viewpoint, echoing the introduction.

5 Mark for Content = 4 out of 8

Mark for Linguistic range and
organisation = 4 out of 6
Mark for Language accuracy =
4 out of 6
Total mark awarded = 12 out of 20

How the candidate could improve their answer

• The candidate would benefit from providing convincing specific examples or evidence. They should avoid
generalisation and repetition in arguments.
• Adding more examples or evidence to prove why ‘classroom knowledge is more useful’ would make the
article more persuasive.
• The candidate should pay attention to the correct use of ‘的’, ‘地’, and ‘得’.
• The candidate should pay attention to the correct use of the pause mark ‘、’, comma ‘，’, and full stop ‘。’.
• The relationship between consecutive sentences should be clearly articulated by the correct use of
connectives such as ‘但’ and ‘而’. This would improve sentence flow and readability.
• The candidate should try to avoid grammatical errors and content omissions, such as ‘喜欢在网上学习关于
许多’, ‘非常后悔，也来不及’, ‘比老师在课堂上教的更有’, etc.
• Some paragraphs are not necessary. For example, the fourth paragraph should be merged with the third
paragraph. The sixth paragraph is not helpful in supporting the candidate’s argument and should be deleted.
=&URL= 4/10
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• The candidate would benefit from choosing the correct character between two characters that look or sound
similar. For example, use ‘辨别’ instead of ‘辩别’, use ‘这’ instead of ‘着’, and use ‘辨认’ instead of ‘辩认’.
• Incorrect word pairings should be avoided, such as ‘辨别思维’.
• The conclusion should not merely repeat the statement in the question but rather summarise the key points
discussed in the main body of the essay.

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Example Candidate Responses – Paper 2

Common mistakes and guidance for candidates

• Some candidates misinterpreted ‘social media’ as ‘online courses’, leading to an off-topic discussion
comparing online and offline teaching methods. It is crucial to carefully analyse the question and understand
key terms before starting to write.
• Some responses lacked a clear introduction that outlined the main points to be discussed. A well-structured
introduction that presents the topic, the candidate’s viewpoint and a brief overview of the main arguments can
greatly enhance the overall coherence of the response.
• Some candidates presented ambiguous positions without a definitive viewpoint. It is imperative to establish
and maintain a clear stance throughout the essay, supporting it with clear arguments.
• A number of candidates focused excessively on the convenience of social media and classroom teaching,
rather than addressing the core concept of ‘useful knowledge’ as specified in the question. Essays should
maintain a clear focus on the topic to avoid losing marks in the Content category.
• Some candidates would benefit from using clearer paragraphs. Essays should have a clear structure with
distinct paragraphs to enhance readability and logical flow.
• Some candidates could benefit from expanding their points with a wider range of supporting evidence,
justifications, or examples. This could help improve persuasiveness of their essays.
• Broad, generalised examples can weaken the overall persuasiveness of essays. It is advisable to use
precise, relevant examples to strengthen arguments.
• Some responses would benefit from more varied sentence structures. Incorporating a mix of simple,
compound and complex sentences can improve the overall readability and sophistication of the essay.
• Some candidates overuse personal pronouns such as ‘我’ and ‘你’, leading to a casual tone. It is advisable to
use more impersonal constructions and varied sentence structures to maintain a formal written style.
• Several responses showed inconsistency in the use of formal language, sometimes mixing colloquial
expressions with academic vocabulary. Maintaining a consistent, formal tone throughout the article is crucial.
• Some candidates incorporated internet slang or colloquialisms into their essays. It is crucial to maintain
formal written language.
• Candidates should give some attention to the correct usage of various punctuation marks, including commas
(，), full stops (。), and pause marks (、).
• Errors occurred in the use of ‘的’, ‘地’, and ‘得’. Candidates would benefit from revising the correct use of
‘的’, ‘地’, and ‘得’.
• Some candidates found it challenging to use formal connectives correctly, occasionally using them
inappropriately or leaving them out. Mastering the use of these connectives can greatly enhance the logical
flow and cohesion of their essays.
• Some candidates used rhetorical questions without providing sufficient explanations. While rhetorical
questions can be effective when used thoughtfully, balancing them with clear explanations can strengthen the
argument.
• Some candidates found it challenging to incorporate quotes or references effectively to support their
arguments. When using external sources, it is important to integrate them smoothly into the text and provide
clear context.
• A number of candidates either missed the conclusion or provided a very brief one. An effective conclusion
should not only summarise key points but also expand on them, offering a thoughtful synthesis of the main
arguments and their implications.

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 Example Candidate Responses – Paper 2

Question 2
/11/24, 3:11 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – high Examiner comments

1 The combination of parallelism
and vivid imagery, coupled with
poetic language, creates a beautiful
atmosphere that sets the tone for the
entire response.
2 The candidate clearly expresses

3 The detailed description of

spaghetti, cream and golden
eggs on the table, wall, and floor
effectively corresponds with the
phrase ‘狼藉一片’, providing a vivid
picture of the scene.
4 The candidate skilfully employs
personification by using the word
1
‘顽皮地’.

1.

2
2.

3.
3

4.

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 Example Candidate Responses – Paper 2
7/11/24, 3:11 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – high, continued Examiner comments

5 5.

6 6.
"
" " " "
" " " " "
" " " " "
"

5
7
7.

8 8.
6

9 9.
8

Mark for Content = 7 out of 8

9
Mark for Linguistic range and
organisation = 6 out of 6
Mark for Language accuracy =
6 out of 6
Total mark awarded = 19 out of 20

How the candidate could improve their answer

• In the second paragraph, the description is quite detailed. However, the transition to the moonlight seems
slightly abrupt. It would be helpful to add a transitional sentence before introducing the moonlight.
• It would be helpful to add more detailed descriptions of the scene after the birthday party.
• There should be a better balance between the descriptions and the candidate’s feelings.
• Make sure characters are not misused in some cases, for example ‘缺失’ and ‘穿梭’. Focus on improving the
connections and transitions between sentences.
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• Ensure correct use of punctuation marks.

*
*
*
* " " " " *

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1/24, 3:14 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – middle Examiner comments

1 The positioning of the subject
‘我’ is incorrect, and the use of
‘总是会’ does not fit the context.
2 There are three instances
where ‘的’ needs to be replaced
with ‘得’. For example,
‘过的最重大’ (most significant),
‘收拾的干干净净’ (cleaned up
neatly), and ‘装饰的粉粉的’
(decorated in pink).
1 3 Use ‘地’ instead of ‘的’ in certain
places, like ‘陆陆续续地’. There
needs to be a comma between
‘垃圾’ and ‘还有’.
4 This is a brief description of the
post-party scene, focusing mainly on
2
the sofa and table.
5 The candidate expresses being
still immersed in the recent joy.
6 The word ‘地方’ may need to be
3 replaced by ‘地上’ in the sentence
‘看见地方有刚刚准备惊喜飘落地
的彩袋’ to make it clearer.
4

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7/11/24, 3:14 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – middle, continued Examiner comments

7 Gifts and handwritten letters
from friends are mentioned but lack
detail.
7 8 The description of balloons could
be more detailed.
9 The ‘落差感’ mentioned later is
not introduced earlier in the text.

8
Mark for Content = 6 out of 8
9 Mark for Linguistic range and
organisation = 5 out of 6
Mark for Language accuracy =
5 out of 6
Total mark awarded = 16 out of 20

How the candidate could improve their answer

• Focus on using ‘的’, ‘地’, and ‘得 ’ correctly to improve clarity and flow.
• Explore feelings more, especially leading up to the ‘落差感’ mentioned in the last paragraph. Gradually
reveal emotions throughout the piece to build anticipation.
• Strengthen the logical connection and cause-effect links between sentences. Use more transition words and
phrases to ensure ideas flow smoothly.
• The descriptions are straightforward but could benefit from more depth. Consider using more rhetorical
devices like metaphors or similes to create a richer atmosphere.
• Clarify the logical relationships between paragraphs for a smoother structure.
• Consider a more reflective ending that ties together the main themes and leaves a lasting impression, instead
of ending too quickly.

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11/24, 3:18 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – low Examiner comments

1 Consider using the correct
character for ‘礼’.
2 Double-check the character
choice for ‘落’.
3 It would help to correct the
character for ‘垃’.
4 Ensure the right character is
used for ‘糕’.
1
5 Overall, this is a descriptive
response with some specific details,
such as the candidate’s description
of the quietness and condition of the
room.
6 A comma could be added here
2 to improve the readability of the
sentence.
3 7 The candidate uses generally
well-organised and coherent text
4
using a range of cohesive devices.
For example, ‘但，以及，当…后’.
5
8 Check the character used for ‘劳’
6 7 to ensure accuracy.
9 The phrase ‘用完再了扫地上’
8
could be expressed more clearly.
10 The candidate uses a range of
grammar including some complex
9 phrases and structures. For
example, 散落，证实，不断，不
10 约而同，直到.
11 11 Use the correct character for ‘享’
to improve accuracy.
13 12
14 12 Ensure the right character is
used for ‘借’.
13 A comma could be added here
for smoother reading.
14 The meaning of ‘话头’ could be
clarified.
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7/11/24, 3:18 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – low, continued Examiner comments

15 15 Consider using the correct
character for ‘聊’.
16 16 The latter half of this paragraph
focuses more on narrative, but a bit
more description could add depth.
17 Adding a pause in this long
sentence with a comma would
improve its readability.
18 This sentence follows English
17
language habits, which could be
adjusted for better flow.
18
19 It would help to use the correct
19
character for ‘贵’.
20 20 The candidate provides a variety
21
of sensory details about the scene
after the party.
21 The final paragraph leans more
towards narrative, and it could
benefit from being more closely
aligned with the main topic.

Mark for Content = 4 out of 8

Mark for Linguistic range and
organisation = 4 out of 6
Mark for Language accuracy =
3 out of 6
Total mark awarded = 11 out of 20

How the candidate could improve their answer

• The first paragraph nicely sets the scene after the party and the second starts with a focus on the candidate’s
fatigue. To strengthen the piece, it would be helpful to explore ‘feelings’ more deeply and keep the focus on
the main topic.
• While it is great to include some narrative elements, the emphasis should remain on descriptive writing to
meet the task requirements.
• Paying close attention to character accuracy will enhance clarity.
• It is important to consider the differences between Chinese and English sentence
6/10 structures, avoiding the use
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of English-style logic in Chinese expressions.
• Using commas appropriately within sentences will help improve flow and readability.
• Incorporating more complex sentence structures will add sophistication to the writing.

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Common mistakes and guidance for candidates
• Some candidates missed the key word ‘后’ (after) in the question, not realising that they needed to describe
the scene and feelings following the birthday party. As a result, some focused on the preparations or the
celebration itself.
• Some candidates wrote the essay as a narrative, detailing the events of the birthday, instead of focusing on
the required descriptions. The focus needed to be on describing the scene and feelings after the party, not
narrating the events of the party itself.
• Some candidates lacked clear order or logic in their descriptions, resulting in disorganised essays with no
clear structure. It is advisable to follow a logical flow, perhaps describing the scene by moving from one
room to another or from general to specific details. Several candidates missed the opportunity to use spatial
organisation effectively, jumping between areas of the house without a clear pattern. A logical progression
through the space would create a more coherent and engaging image.
• A number of candidates overlooked the importance of sensory details in their descriptions. Engaging multiple
senses – sight, sound, smell, touch – can greatly enhance the vividness of the scene, such as mentioning the
lingering smell of food or the quiet after the guests have left.
• Some candidates presented scenes in a straightforward manner, but adding literary devices or rhetorical
techniques would make the descriptions more vivid and emotionally engaging. Using figurative language can
bring the scene to life. A portion of candidates focused heavily on their feelings, with little to no descriptions.
Some other candidates provided detailed descriptions but overlooked their personal emotions. It is important
to balance both description of the scene and personal feelings in the response, as both elements are crucial.
• Some candidates separated the description of the home scene and personal feelings into two distinct parts.
It is recommended to integrate the description of the room with one’s feelings, creating a fusion of scene and
emotion for a more cohesive essay. It is important to show how specific details of the scene trigger or reflect
particular feelings.
• Some candidates used simple language in their essays, but incorporating more varied vocabulary and
expressive language would make the writing more engaging and dynamic.
• Some candidates used similar sentence structures throughout their essays. By mixing short and long
sentences, they can add rhythm and maintain the reader’s interest more effectively.

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 Question 3
11/24, 3:13 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – high Examiner comments

1 The opening hints that the
upcoming events will be a ‘first time’
experience for the candidate.
2 This point signals the end
of the event’s beginning; a new
paragraph could start here to mark
the transition.
3 The succession of phrases like
长舒一口气、应该、心想、殊
不知 hints an impending ‘crisis’,
sparking the reader’s curiosity and
interest.
4 Replace the full stop here
with an ellipsis (…) to suggest an
unfinished thought.

" "

" " " " "

" " "

" "
2

3 4

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 Example Candidate Responses – Paper 2
7/11/24, 3:13 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – high, continued Examiner comments

5

5 6 6
.
7
7

8
8
9
9

10
10
11

11

12 12

13

13

14 14

Mark for Content = 8 out of 8

Mark for Linguistic range and
organisation = 6 out of 6
Mark for Language accuracy =
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of 6
Total mark awarded = 19 out of 20

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How the candidate could improve their answer
• The candidate should focus on using ‘的’ and ‘地’ correctly.
• Avoid overusing ‘我’ to prevent repetition and enhance the flow.
• Consider refining punctuation choices; ellipses (…) could be used effectively to suggest pauses or unfinished
thoughts.
• Ensure that the growth and insights mentioned in the conclusion connect with the rest of the essay, to create
a cohesive and impactful ending.

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/11/24, 3:15 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – middle Examiner comments

1 " "
"
" "
"

3 " "
" "

2 5
3
4

6 " "
5 6

7 " "
7

8
8 " " " "
9

9 " "

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7/11/24, 3:15 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – middle, continued Examiner comments

10 " "

11 " " " "

10
11

12
12

13 " " "

13 14
"

14 " "
" "

15

15
16 " " " "

17 " "
16 " "
17

18 " " " "

18
20 19
21
22 19 " " " "
Mark for Content = 7 out of 8 Mark for Language accuracy =
4 out of 6
Mark for Linguistic range and
organisation = 5 out of 6 Total mark awarded = 16 out of 20 20
" "

" " 21
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/ / "
2 " "
" ... ..."

3 " / / "

22 " "
4
" " " / "
" " " "
5

" " 24
 Example Candidate Response – middle, continued Examiner comments
Mark for Content = 7 out of 8
Mark for Linguistic range and
organisation = 5 out of 6
Mark for Language accuracy =
4 out of 6
Total mark awarded = 16 out of 20

How the candidate could improve their answer

• The essay effectively showcases personal growth and builds a well-executed climax. To improve further,
consider elaborating on the inner transformation process, particularly the ‘deep remorse’, which could be
more fully explored.
• The candidate should be mindful to avoid character errors.
• Pay close attention to the correct use of ‘的’ and ‘地’ for precision.
• Try to vary sentence starters to avoid excessive use of ‘我’ for a smoother flow.
• Ensure auxiliary words like ‘着’ and ‘了’ are used appropriately in context.
• Using punctuation thoughtfully, such as commas and long dashes, can enhance clarity and readability.
• Be mindful of choosing the right word pairings to maintain clarity and correctness.
• Incorporating more complex sentence structures and a broader range of vocabulary will add depth and
variety.
• Focus on avoiding grammatical errors and ensuring meanings are clear for an accomplished answer.

25
11/24, 3:19 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – low Examiner comments

1 The phrase ‘很次’ could be
clearer; consider replacing it with
‘很多次’ for better understanding.
2 Adding a couple of commas in
this paragraph would improve the
flow and clarity.
3 This paragraph does a good
job of explaining the fear of heights.
With a few minor adjustments to
grammar, spelling, and punctuation,
1 and by connecting it more smoothly
to the overall narrative, the cohesion
can be further strengthened.
2
4 The explanation for taking the
flight is well placed here.
5 It would benefit from adding a
couple of commas and a full stop in
3 this sentence.
6 This description of the
turbulence during the flight has great
potential to serve as the climax of
the narrative.
4 7 Replacing ‘一下飞机时’ with
‘我一下飞机就’ would improve its
grammatical accuracy.

6
7

s://ca-ai.assessor.rm.com/tools/CandidateEnquiry/PrintDocument.aspx?CSID=109754099&PageCount=8&CanNum=159&pbc=&UR
L= 5/10

26
7/11/24, 3:19 PM Print Script

Example Candidate Response – low, continued Examiner comments

8 8 The sentence would be clearer
by including the object ‘她’.
9 The candidate should ensure the
correct use of characters for 内, 乘,
餐, 层, 特, 突, 掉, 担, 再, 已经, 都
9 for better accuracy.
10 The conclusion can be expanded
10 to avoid repeating the same ideas
and to make the logic more precise
and clearer.

Mark for Content = 4 out of 8

Mark for Linguistic range and
organisation = 4 out of 6
Mark for Language accuracy =
3 out of 6
Total mark awarded = 11 out of 20

How the candidate could improve their answer

• The narrative structure provides a solid foundation with a clear beginning, development, climax and
resolution. To strengthen it further, the candidate could expand on the development and climax to create
more depth and complexity.
• It would be great to see more consistently developed narrative elements, allowing for a stronger storytelling
component.
• There is a good attempt at building atmosphere and leading to a climax. Adding more specific content would
make the plot even more engaging.
• Clarifying the logic and flow in the writing will help make the events more coherent and easier to follow.
• The candidate is encouraged to use Chinese language rules and grammar to express ideas naturally, rather
than relying on direct translation from English.
• The conclusion offers a meaningful message that ‘everyone has things they fear, but will eventually overcome
these fears’, but it could be expressed more clearly to have a stronger impact.
• Paying close attention to character accuracy will enhance the clarity and precision of the writing.
• Choosing the right word pairings will make the text more refined and fluid.
• Using more complex sentence structures can add variety and sophistication to the essay.
• Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary will enrich the language and expression.
• Ensuring grammatical accuracy and clear meaning throughout will further improve the quality of the writing.
https://ca-ai.assessor.rm.com/tools/CandidateEnquiry/PrintDocument.aspx?CSID=109754099&PageCount=8&CanNum=159&pbc=&URL=
6/10

Focusing on the correct use of ‘的’, ‘地’, and ‘得’ will help maintain grammatical accuracy.
• Adding more punctuation will improve the overall readability and flow of the text.

27
Common mistakes and guidance for candidates
• Some candidates focused more on descriptive elements than the narrative. While descriptions of airport
scenes or views from the airplane window add to the story, the main focus should be on narrating the air
travel experience.
• Some candidates emphasised their feelings with minimal narrative, which shifted the response off-topic.
A balanced approach, blending personal emotions with the flow of events, would make the narrative more
engaging.
• Some candidates chose a diary format, which affected the overall narrative development. It is crucial to
create a cohesive and structured story, including key plot elements and character development, rather than
simply listing events.
• Some candidates devoted disproportionate attention to the early stages of the journey or background details,
overlooking crucial parts, particularly the climax. A well-balanced narrative should allocate appropriate space
to each part of the experience, with emphasis on key moments.
• Building an engaging plot with a clear and impactful climax will make the story more interesting. Some
candidates struggled to establish this tension, but this is an opportunity to improve.
• Turbulence during a flight can be a great narrative moment. Candidates who mentioned it could develop this
further by describing the sequence of events, personal reactions and outcomes to create a more engaging
story.
• Some candidates narrated every small detail of their journey. It is important to exercise judgement in
selecting which events to elaborate on and which to summarise briefly, maintaining a smooth narrative flow.
• Incorporating sensory details such as sight, sound, smell and touch can greatly enhance the vividness of the
experience and help immerse the reader in the experience.
• Some candidates used internet slang or colloquial expressions. It is advisable to use more sophisticated and
formal vocabulary and expressions suitable for a written response.
• Some candidates faced challenges with Chinese expression, likely due to directly translating structures from
another language. This led to incorrect phrasing or grammatical errors. Candidates should aim to think and
express ideas naturally in Chinese, avoiding literal translations.
• A small number of candidates wrote about experiences unrelated to air travel. It is crucial to focus on the
given theme and ensure the content is relevant.

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