Retraining the Brain A 45 Day Plan to Conquer Stress and

Anxiety

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 PLUME
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
penguinrandomhouse.com
First published in the United States of America in a Viking edition as The Stress Answer.
First Plume Printing, October 2009
Copyright © Frank Lawlis, 2008
All rights reserved. No part of this product may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed
or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of
copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.
Drawings by Jackie Aher
The Library of Congress has catalogued the Viking edition as follows:
Lawis, G. Frank
The stress answer: train your brain to conquer depression and anxiety in 45 days/Frank Lawlis.
p. cm
Includes bibliographical references and index.
eISBN : 978-1-101-14051-2
1. Depression, Mental—Popular works. 2. Anxiety—Popular works. 3. Neuroplasticity—Popular
works. 4. Stress (Psychology)—Popular works. I. Title.
RC537.L39 2008
616.85’2706—dc22 2008022146
PUBLISHER’S NOTE
Every effort has been made to ensure that the information contained in this book is complete and
accurate. However, neither the publisher nor the author is engaged in rendering professional advice
or services to the individual reader. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained in this book are
not intended as a substitute for consulting with your physician. All matters regarding your health
require medical supervision. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any
loss, injury, or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestion in this book.

Version_2
 To my sister, Nanciruth,
who showed me courage
and taught me how to laugh
 Acknowledgments

There is always too large a number of people dating back to my infancy to

recognize for their significant contributions to my books, and I apologize to
those I may leave out. My first acknowledgment will always go to my wife,
Susan, whose support and professional advice are always available to me as
I search for the perfect word or the evidence to back up my conclusions.
She is a wonderful partner in climbing my mountains of thought.
Dr. Phil McGraw will also always be on my top list of acknowledgments.
His friendship and support have long been the center-piece for my
ambitions and schemes for making the world a better place to be. His
loyalty will always be a quality I consider it a privilege to have.
I have discovered the magic of wordsmith Wendy Leonard’s work as she
has consulted on the completion of this book. She brought to the task not
only her superb writing skills, but also her wealth of psychological research
and knowledge. Thank you, Wendy, for a job well done. Sandy Bloomfield
was a tremendous help in the final surge for completing the project.
Of course, this entire set of clinical conclusions and approaches could
never have been assembled without the consultation and support of Dr.
Barbara Peavey and our staff at the PsychoNeuro-Plasticity Center in
Lewisville, Texas. We have learned from every patient we have seen, and
we continue to break new ground in this crowded world of confusion as we
strive to understand and treat individuals who need guidance through their
suffering.
Jan Miller, my agent, and Shannon Miser-Marven have been with me
from the beginning of this self-help series. They have been my guides when
I got lost and served as boosters whenever I became discouraged. Along
with this wonderful array of super people has been Carolyn Carlson of
Viking. For some mystical reason she seems to understand my purpose for
doing what I do, and has always been there making things happen without
getting bogged down with the small stuff of the business of publishing
books. My readers Ross Franks and Erica Chupp were of great assistance in
making the book readable.
 Table of Contents

Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Preface

Chapter 1 - Maria’s Story: From Victim to Dragonslayer

Chapter 2 - The Technology and Information Revolutions for Brain
Revitalization
Chapter 3 - Brain Plasticity: The Key to Your Best Future
Chapter 4 - The Anxiety Patterns of Confusion and Fear
Chapter 5 - The Attention Deficit Stress Storm
Chapter 6 - The Obsessive Stress Storm
Chapter 7 - The Depressive Stress Storm
Chapter 8 - The Chronic Worry Stress Storm: The Silent Killer
Chapter 9 - Training Two Brains: Interpersonal Stress Storms
Chapter 10 - Gender Stress Storms: Special Edition
Chapter 11 - Recognizing Triggers and Resolving Stress Storms
Chapter 12 - Training Your Brain Past Aging Stress

Exercises
References
Index
 Preface

I’ve shared with many people that as an infant I was labeled “mentally
defective due to severe brain damage,” and many responses have been
condescending comments about the lack of sophistication in diagnosis at
that time. What I experienced was a blur of very frustrating challenges as I
struggled to keep up with my peers, and I learned to bury my failures and
embarrassments behind a smile and a good-natured joke or two.
To tell the truth, I did not know the letters of the alphabet until I was in
the fifth grade, and I often hid when the teacher asked someone to recite the
letters and apply them to some word-finding technique. The letters would
jump around in my head and start to melt into one another. I couldn’t tell a
b from a d or a p from a q. I was a phonetic mess until I was a freshman in
high school when a gifted teacher, Mr. Beasley, explained how letters
sound. Maybe it was because little was expected of me, or because the
teachers knew my parents were teachers and assumed too much, but I
always felt like a freak about to be discovered.
Perhaps it was through music or my art teacher, but as time passed I
started seeing things a little differently. I began to teach myself a personal
language about symbols and how they could bring meaning to me in new
ways. I discovered that if I allowed my brain to process things and events,
they would usually evolve into meaningful parts. I trusted my mind to
unravel solutions instead of closely following the methods taught by the
teacher. Instead of solving math problems according to the book, I let each
problem become its own process. Most times I would arrive at the right
answer using my own path to get there. That plasticity I learned as a way to
engage my brain still works for me, and I get much satisfaction from
explaining this to others so that they, too, can find their own paths to the
answers in life.
Brain plasticity merely means the flexibility of the brain to change—not
only according to how we use it, but in response to demand. The brain, like
every other organ and muscle, will atrophy and shrink without proper use,
or it can become stronger and healthier with proper nurturance. Until just a
few years ago, we had only indirect evidence of what the brain was doing,
but now we can use new technology to calculate real change as well as to
observe how some individuals have “rewired” their systems to recover from
disabling conditions. I have been given the opportunity in this book to
acquaint you with some of the basic approaches you can adopt in your
personal life to utilize this newly found power. I am sure that in the coming
generations new techniques will evolve that will take us into a completely
new concept of health care in tune with these principles.
Awareness of how healing works continues to develop. I have seen plans
for a device that would be used to evaluate neurological functioning based
on your complaint, in order to “write” a prescription to reprogram your
body functions via brain activity. This device would use your brain to bring
your body back into appropriate balance—not merely to bring your
functions into harmony, but to maximize your unique abilities for personal
goals and contributions. With a special computer, you would undergo a
process similar to a complete X-ray of your body, checking on how your
brain and organs were performing. A wide range of therapies would be
used, including some that are available today, but also including some that
are not. For example, some medications might be needed to activate unused
internal resources. You might also want to nurture your musical abilities or
mathematical skills. Or you might actually need to operate at a slower pace
and enjoy a vacation period to experience life more fully. Do you
understand the implications of what we’re discussing here? Star Trek
technology would be realized in a way that would forever change life as we
know it.
The applications in this book may be crude compared to later technology,
but they are light-years ahead of the methods we use today for dealing with
anxiety and depression. Rather than avoiding or “adjusting” to life
sentences of impairment we can understand why we are what we are.
Instead of treating symptoms, the concept of brain plasticity approaches the
direct neurological complex at the core of the problems. By retraining the
brain we grow stronger. For example, the symptom of a lack of
concentration can be applied to every disorder in the Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of psychiatric diagnoses. In the realm of brain plasticity,
lack of concentration signals the need to train the brain to shift its strengths
to this area and broaden its competencies. As the brain expands its
capabilities, new skills can be gained.
These new approaches are not independent from the contributions of
existing mental health practices, which are all relevant and actually support
the overall concept. I have spent most of my career learning interventions,
starting with Rogerian human-potential approaches, the psychoanalytic
psychodynamic model, and Adlerian developmental concepts, and
continuing with behavioral modification, body/mind therapies, and a wide
range of approaches that have yet to be defined. I have found that every one
of them has facilitated my understanding of how the brain works. Every
scientific therapy (and some nonscientific) has a right to claim a part of this
great triumph in health care. The challenge is to know specifically how
these tools can be integrated for the objects of brain function and health.
My purpose in life has always been to find ways of relieving suffering for
my fellow beings on this earth, and this book has become a core part of that
mission. For generations mental distress and torment have gone unhealed in
spite of all the collective human wisdom we have had access to. But I am
excited—and overwhelmed at times—to realize a revolutionary step in
mental health care can help change that. I didn’t invent the idea of brain
plasticity and our ability to improve our mental capacities, but I recognize
the immediate applicability of the concept to this important realm of the
human condition.
Being something of a maverick in the mental health field, I am
accustomed to being criticized for being open to new ideas and changes in
the field. But instead of attacking the messenger, I would hope that readers
will approach the principles with an open mind and study them to determine
their validity on a personal level. I hope that you consider the many routes
to mental wholeness I have presented in this book as possible answers to
your frustrations and stresses. I can assure you that none has been offered
without having been observed hundreds of times to work quickly and
effectively.
 I have also taken an innovative step by including interpersonal stress in
the brain plasticity arena. Why? Because interpersonal stress is perhaps the
most dangerous kind. It has been the locus of conflict leading to human
crises that range from divorces to wars, which in turn has brought about
heightened worldwide stress overall.
As with any other book I have written, I am giving you a promise of hope
by going through the exercises on a step-by-step basis. I have attempted to
emphasize those exercises that you can use without the expense and trouble
of seeking outside help, but of course you should utilize what resources you
have. To avoid seeking expert help when it is necessary only restricts your
health. Some exercises may not work as you might hope, but others may
change your life significantly for the better. Give yourself the chance to
open the doors to a new future of joy and excitement as you discover who
you are—and more important, what you can become.
 1

Maria’s Story: From Victim to Dragonslayer

Maria started her life not too differently from the rest of us. She had ten
fingers and ten toes. Her body had no apparent maladies, and as far as
anyone could tell, her brain was the same as any other baby’s. She was
instantly adored by her parents, who doted on her and expected nothing less
for her than a future filled with hope, joy, and success.
Indeed, during Maria’s first few years on the planet, she felt safe and
comfortable in her world. Her mother tied beautiful ribbons of yellow or
blue in her silky black hair, prompting warm and approving coos from all
who beheld her. Her room was filled to the brim with books, dolls, and toys,
and she had closets filled with lovely clothes. What more could a little girl
ask for?

TECTONIC SHIFT

Maria’s idyllic life began to crumble at the age of four, when her uncle
moved into the family home after he was fired from his job. Short of money
but eager to “help do his part,” her uncle offered to babysit Maria so his
brother and sister-in-law could have some much-needed time alone.
Without giving it a second thought, Maria’s parents accepted this seemingly
gracious offer, and began to go out regularly on Saturday nights.
Left alone with her uncle (let’s call him Bill) each week for hours at a
time, Maria was caught up in the abhorrent process of pedophilic seduction.
Using his exceptional charm, plying her with gifts, and taking her on
“secret” outings—the classic tools of the pedophilic trade—Bill lavished
her with attention that ultimately (and tragically) culminated in years of
sexual abuse. As part of his sexual abuse ritual, Bill would take Maria
downstairs to the laundry room in her home. He would have her help him
cleanse the hard, cold folding table (upon which the abuse always took
place) with an ammonia-based window cleaner-which Bill called “magical
blue.” Like a highly charged loving association gone terribly wrong, the
smell of ammonia-based cleaners can still turn Maria’s stomach to this day.
Part of what makes Bill’s (or any pedophile’s) seduction process so evil
and spiritually damaging is how he methodically makes his victim (in this
case, Maria) not only believe that this is how love and caring are supposed
to be expressed, but also that everything must be kept secret, or else the
love, gifts, and special treatment will cease. Why does this work? Research
on the developmental processes of the brain and the way in which a young
child builds the concept of morality has suggested that it’s usually not until
the child is older that he or she realizes this relationship is wrong. Prior to
that realization, the child enjoys the special attention that is given in
“payment” for the abuse; and while that’s perfectly understandable, it
nonetheless leads to tremendous guilt and shame—thus making the ultimate
“telling” even more difficult.

THE TELLING

When Maria reached the age of eleven, she understood, for the first time,
that Uncle Bill was abusing her sexually. As is so often the case, when she
finally got the nerve to tell her mom what was happening, her mom refused
to believe her. So, Maria told her dad . . . who also didn’t believe her. But
apparently her mother really did believe her, because Maria heard her
parents fighting behind closed doors night after night about whether to kick
Uncle Bill out of the house (which never happened). Feeling guilty,
confused, and horribly responsible for upsetting the family dynamic, Maria
“confessed” that she probably misunderstood Uncle Bill’s actions; so,
despite her self-disgust, the sexual abuse continued until she was almost
fifteen years old. No, Bill didn’t stop willingly, and her mom didn’t
intervene. Driving alone in a drunken stupor one day, Bill was killed in a
car accident. No one ever discussed what had taken place, and even after he
was gone, the unspoken code of silence continued.

National Sex Offender Registry

The National Sex Offender Registry website—coordinated by the

Department of Justice—enables every citizen to search the latest
information from all fifty states, the District of Columbia, and
Puerto Rico for the identity and location of known sex offenders.
Here is the website: https://www.nsopw.gov
Source: The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) of the U.S.
Department of Justice.

INTO THE STORM

Raised in a relatively religious household, Maria began to believe that her

willing participation with her uncle would forever condemn her to hell. So,
when she was about thirteen and boys naturally began to take notice of her,
instead of enjoying the first blushes of puppy love, she felt a sense of
repulsion, mingled with feelings of intrigue—which got all twisted up with
perfectly normal adolescent hormone-driven desires. In an attempt to
provide herself a modicum of self-protection, she began to overeat, literally
building a wall around herself. Like a self-medicating drug, her eating
behaviors became addictive, swirling into what I call a depressive storm, or
downward mental spiral, which consumed both her body and mind.
Depressive storms are only one of many types of stress storms, a term
I’ve coined to describe what happens when your brain circuits (or
neurocircuits) go on overload, causing signals to get crossed and spiral out
of control. Logic and rational thinking go out the window as your brain gets
stuck in a mental ditch, with the engine revving and wheels spinning, but no