JAKE
Big… fish! Bigfish! No, no. Glitter- erm glitter piranha! No, NO! Shark- YES shark,
glitter
POLLY
Oh, I’m sorry
JAKE
Don’t bother.
POLLY
No bother- this one’s a bit soggy, can’t quite read it
JAKE
Don’t! This is… it’s personal stuff. You can’t just stroll up here and start
reading things Willy nilly! Watch out! You’re treading on one now! You should be in
a circus with feet that size- what are you doing here anyway?! This is my place, go
away!
POLLY
I’ve only got three things to say to you. One, what I’m doing up here is NONE of
your business- two- the roof is not your private property, unless, of course,
you’ve got a special clause in your rent book which I doubt and three. I find it
strange that someone who can write such magical words has such a spiteful toungue
in his head! Now, I’ve got something I need to do, then I’ll be gone. In the
meantime I’d be grateful if you didn’t speak to me again.
JAKE
Is it really magical?
POLLY
What?
JAKE
My writing
POLLY
Bits
JAKE
I… I was wondering whose dish that was, I’m Jake.
POLLY
I know
JAKE
How?
POLLY
Oh, please, your eyes- use them!
JAKE
You go to my school!
POLLY
Started last week
JAKE
Haven’t seen you
POLLY
Not surprised- all you do is hide between those two big dustbins at the back of the
playground
JAKE
I like it there
POLLY
But surely they’re a bit, well, smelly?
JAKE
Don’t notice it after a few deep breaths
FINN
AAAAAARGH
POLLY
Al right Finn! Tell me when it gets better.
FINN
AAAAAARGH
JAKE
That- that voice! I’ve seen it! I mean I’ve seen who it belongs to, he joined my
class last week
POLLY
That’s my baby brother
JAKE
Baby! But he’s huge! He grabbed two desks. One in each hand, and lifted them up
above his head
POLLY
He’s very strong for his age
JAKE
All the boys are scared of him. They call him the monster-
POLLY
He’s NOT a monster! Everyone calls him that, everywhere he goes but he’s not! He’s
very gentle. Cries easily if you must know.
FINN
AAAAWOOAH
POLLY
Ok Finn! It’s getting better.
JAKE
You understand him?
POLLY
It might sound like a meaningless groan to you, but believe me once you grasp the
nuances it’s a very subtle form of communication!
FINN
AAAAWEEE
JAKE
Subtle- that!
POLLY
Well he’s in a bad mood. The reception’s gone fuzzy so he’s Missing his favourite
programme- that one with real life accidents, you know? Housewives setting
themselves on fire with dodgy hairdryers-
FINN
Aaa
POLLY
All right Finn! And everyone watches these programmes because they’ve supposed to
be educational
JAKE
But all they really want to see is someone’s head getting sliced off by helicopter
blades!
POLLY
Precisely!
FINN
Aaaaaaoh
POLLY
Thanks Finn! That’s it! Pictures perfect. He’ll quieten now. We need a new dish
really, dad got this one cheap somewhere there was no instruction manual- know
anything about this sort of thing?
JAKE
Haven’t you got to aim it at a satellite or something?
POLLY
Perhaps I should put it even higher- oh
JAKE
What)
POLLY
A dead bird. Poor thing, it’s only a baby it must have fallen from one of the
nests. All mauve and scarlet, little yellow beak- come and have a look?
JAKE
Rather not.
POLLY
Can’t hurt you
JAKE
Not that. I can be seen up there- by people on the football pitch
POLLY
There’s no one on the football pitch
JAKE
But there might be. Any minute now. If he sees me- oh you won’t understand.
POLLY
Try me
JAKE
It’s Russell-
POLLY
The turbo dreambabe?
JAKE
Turbo what?
POLLY
That’s what’s written, all over the girl’s toilets- tick here if you think
Russell’s a turbo dreambabe
JAKE
Bet the wall’s covered
POLLY
Everyone loves him
JAKE
Love?! I’ll show you what your precious turbo whatever has done… come here! Come
one! Feel.
POLLY
Oooo
JAKE
An elbow did that, and here!
POLLY
Very colourful
JAKE
A foot! And look in my eyes. Does the left one look a little bloodshot?
POLLY
Yes
JAKE
A fist!
POLLY
The turbo dreambabe?
JAKE
Bingo! Hang on! You ticked! You like him!
POLLY
I don’t know if I like him!
JAKE
But you ticked!
POLLY
Yes, I ticked. The other day he took his shirt off in the playground and yes, I
admit, I felt a tingle.
JAKE
Animal!
POLLY
I’m sorry you’re bullied Russell is a nasty piece of work. It’s like my mum used to
say about dad- sometimes the worst presents come in the nicest wrapping paper.
JAKE
Muscles! Who needs ‘em! I don’t want to do six thousand pushups a day I don’t care
if I don’t make people tingle
POLLY
But you do! At least, you do me
JAKE
I do?
POLLY
Your stories do
JAKE
How do you know about my stories?
POLLY
The other day, when I was fixing up the satellite- totally wrongly I bet, I
noticed… I’m sorry I’m sorry I know I shouldn’t have but oh Jake! There’s such
wonderful words here. When I read them I- I tingle as if a thousand russels had
revealed a thousand six pack stomachs.
JAKE
You see those tower blocks? And it’s skin is all shiny- it Sparkles l
POLLY
Like sequins!
JAKE
Exactly! I’m trying to work out the dragon‘s name, something like glittershark
POLLY
Not quite right- sharktwinkle?
JAKE
No
POLLY
Fishtwinkle! Oh no that’s terrible! Natasha?? How’d you get up here?!
NAT
How did I? Oh just usual abseiling! Thought the boys toilets at school were bad
enough!
POLLY
How’d you know I was up here?
NAT
Your brother told me, finally I work out it’s either heaven or the roof. Ugh! It
could strip nail varnish at twenty paces!
POLLY
What you doing Natasha?
NAT
What’s it look like? Oh give us a hand Polly
POLLY
You should wear sensible shoes!
NAT
No girl wears shoes to be sensible
POLLY
Wear them to get blisters then do they?
NAT
Beauty knows no pain- now pol, quick, a word. Looks like we’ve got a yellow alert
situation here.
POLLY
Yellow alert?
NAT
Don’t play dumb. You’re close to tears
POLLY
I was not close to tears!
NAT
Who saved you from total cred obligation?
POLLY
You made friends with me if that’s what you mean.
NAT
And you know why? With my help, and a makeover
POLLY
I don’t want a makeover
NAT
Park your lips! Did I or did I not say that
POLLY
You did.
NAT
So why the geek?
POLLY
He’s not a geek! He’s very nice
NAT
Red alert! Pol you’ll be hiding behind the dustbins before the terms out.
POLLY
I don’t care! He’s my friend! And if you can’t accept that then maybe you’re not
the deep warm sensitive mature person I thought you were. Someone as gorgeous
inside as she is out.
NAT
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