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 the knowing field
INTERNATIONAL CONSTELLATIONS JOURNAL

Formerly the Systemic Solutions Bulletin and edited by Barbara Stones and Jutta ten Herkel, The Knowing
Field is an independently produced publication dedicated to the dissemination of information regarding the
evolution of Bert Hellinger’s systemic approach as it develops throughout the world, ranging from Family and
Organisational Constellations through to Movements of the Soul and Movements of the
Spirit-Mind. Included in the publication are: personal experiences and stories, poems, research projects,
new discoveries and developments in the Constellation field, news from around the world and the exchange
of ideas and opinions about this work.
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Barbara Morgan
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CONTENTS

the knowing field

Contributor Article Page

Barbara Morgan Editorial ....................................................................................................................Page 2

Bert Hellinger Our Homeland

Our Common Home: The Earth ...............................................................................Page 4

In the Spotlight
Vivian Broughton In Conversation with Ursula Franke &
Tom Bryson ..............................................................................................................Page 6

Vivian Broughton In Conversation with Insa Sparrer ............................................................................Page 12

The History of Nations, Cultures & Religions

Lisa Iversen Breathing New Life into Old Pictures .......................................................................Page 17

Ayelet de-Picciotto Being Jewish ............................................................................................................Page 21

Alison Rose Levy The Trifecta ..............................................................................................................Page 24

Dan Booth Cohen Family Constellations and the Kabbalah..................................................................Page 27

Constellations
Kari Drageset The Role of Domestic Pets in Systemic
Constellations ..........................................................................................................Page 32

Yildiz Sethi Sexual Abuse or not? ...............................................................................................Page 38

New Developments
Barbara & Edward Lynch Understanding the Complexity of Intimacy..............................................................Page 43

Jane Peterson Somatic Imaging ......................................................................................................Page 50

Jane Peterson Reflecting Teams ......................................................................................................Page 54

Personal Reflections
David Mathes The Order of Women Following Men:
An Exploration ..........................................................................................................Page 60

Sadhana Needham The Male/Female Principle in

Family Constellations ...............................................................................................Page 62

Amina Edlín Ortiz Graham Trust: a freshness in the centre of the chest ............................................................Page 65

Janice Crawford Poems: Until This Moment / Intensive Barcelona ....................................................Page 68

Book Reviews
Mark Johnson I carry your Heart in my Heart:
Family Constellations in Prison by Dan Booth Cohen .............................................Page 71

Annette Aubrey Ancestral Blueprints: Revealing Invisible Truths in America’s Soul

Francesca Mason Boring by Lisa Iversen .........................................................................................................Page 73

Book Extract
Vivian Broughton In the Presence of Many: Reflections on Constellations
Emphasising the Individual Context .........................................................................Page 76

Alannah Tandy-Pilbrow Letter to the Editor.....................................................................................Page 80

1
 Editorial
The journal is 10 years old this year and Bert Hellinger will be 85 years old in December.
This is cause for celebration on two counts and I am pleased therefore to have a picture of
Bert on the front cover of our anniversary issue and images of past journals on the back.

An anniversary is a time for reflection – a time to look at where we’ve come

from, where we are now and where we hope to be in the future.

Reviewing the Past our relationship to the earth all come piece which I am hoping will act as
Since its inception as the Systemic back in the end to our relationship a springboard for a more detailed
Solutions Bulletin in 2000 the journal with our mother. Sometimes I think series of conversations or articles
has changed its name, doubled in that the only work we need to do is to on the theme of colonialism in the
size and gone from being an annual heal our relationship with our mothers! following issue of the journal. Then I
publication to being produced twice a Our ‘In the Spotlight’ series this time realised that a number of the people
year. The range of authors has widened round covers conversations with involved in the initial discussion were
dramatically and includes people from two significant women in the field of Jewish and it occurred to me that this
all over the world. Readership in the constellations: Ursula Franke and Insa may be the theme to begin with. It
English speaking world has seen a Sparrer. Vivian Broughton interviews seemed very appropriate, given that
slow, but steady increase over the Ursula, along with her husband Tom this is an anniversary year for The
years. The underlying values and ethos Bryson where they talk in some detail Knowing Field and the constellation
of a publication that is independent about their perspective on the whole work started in Germany, from where
and covers a wide range of views concept of presence. They describe we have learned and continue to learn
and inputs from a variety of authors the effect of our early attachment to so much about the process of healing
has however, remained unchanged. our mothers, as seen through Ursula’s between perpetrator and victim.
work with the interrupted reaching out
So I am pleased to include three pieces
Thank You movement and their way of working
on this theme: the first comes from
Thank you Bert for all you have with individuals. Later in the article,
Ayelet de-Picciotto who gives a brief
done over the years in founding and they discuss the role of the feminine in
report of her experiences at the recent
disseminating this wonderful work the constellations world and the birth
conference held for Jewish people
and offering your consistent support of ISCA and its possible longer term
and of what it’s like being a Jewish
for the journal; thank you Barbara influence. In the second conversation
woman living in Israel. At the end she
Stones and Jutta ten Herkel for your in this series, Insa Sparrer talks to
talks briefly about her experiences
vision and initiative in starting the Vivian about her strong connection
of doing constellation work against
publication, known for its first four to Virginia Satir and her reservations
the background of its origins coming
years as the Systemic Solutions about the way Bert works. She then
from Germany; Alison Rose Levy
Bulletin. And of course, thank you to goes on to describe her journey
describes the personal healing she
all those who have taken the work into the world of solution-focused
has had through the constellation work
forward and helped spread it across work and her own methodology.
in relation to being part of the next
the world in numerous ways. And in Our new series: The History of Nations, generation of holocaust survivors in her
relation to the journal itself, a huge Cultures and Religions has had a very family, whilst Dan Booth Cohen offers
thank you to current and past people interesting beginning. Lisa Iversen’s us his own perspective on the same
on the Advisory and Editorial team, all new book Ancestral Blueprints issue and tells us how he has managed
those who have contributed articles (reviewed later in the journal) seemed to become the wounded healer and
and submitted ads and everyone who like a very timely and synchronistic turn his family’s suffering into a gift
has subscribed to the journal, taken happening to sit alongside this new for the descendants of perpetrators
bulk supplies, encouraged sales or idea for the journal. So, with Lisa’s in Germany. He also provides us
supported the journal in any other way. help, I decided to see if we could get with some insight into the Kabbalah
a conversation going between a few and its links to constellation work.
Reflecting on the Present people who had expressed a general
We have two constellation pieces this
the knowing field

Articles in this Issue

interest in cultural issues, by way of an
We have two main themes running in time: the first from Kari Drageset who
introduction to the whole idea of this
this edition – gender and Jewishness provides four detailed constellations
theme, but it just didn’t take off. We
but we begin with Bert who offers as illustrations of her interest in the
could speculate as to why that was,
a simple and profound reminder role of domestic pets in constellation
but for me, it made me realise what a
that the root of our personal and work and Yildiz Sethi who covers the
huge and complex issue this theme
professional success and the root of difficult topic of sexual abuse and
is. So in the end, Lisa has written a

2
 the knowing field
the possible healing constellation of attending an intensive on financial restrictions would open the
work can provide if used with care. constellation work held in Barcelona, way for everyone’s ideas and visions
without being able to understand for the journal to come to fruition.
In our New Developments section I am
the languages being spoken.
pleased to include an article from Ed Since you have the journal in your
and Barbara Lynch on intimacy and all We have two book reviews in this hands and have read all the way to
its complexities. They describe how anniversary issue. Mark Johnson writes this point in our conversation, you
they have worked for years in a more a comprehensive and well-balanced must believe that the journal is a
psychodynamic way with couples review of Dan Booth Cohen’s book valuable addition to your experience
but weaving in what we could now about working with prisoners on life of constellation work. What makes
loosely describe as constellations in sentences I carry your Heart in my the journal valuable to you? How can
terms of the symbols used and the Heart and we return to Lisa Iversen we reach a broader audience? Who
spatial relationship between them. with a review from Annette Aubrey should the journal speak to? As editor,
This is an interesting description of and Francesca Mason Boring on her I would really like to hear from you.
the way the work can be extended new book Ancestral Blueprints which Write to me at: theknowingfield@gmail.
out beyond the boundaries of pure challenges all Americans and other com and tell me where the journal
constellation work to a more general nations to examine their colonial should go in the next ten years.
systemic approach. Jane Peterson history and its current effects.
I hope you enjoy reading this
offers us a different view of how the
In her new book In the Presence of rather special anniversary issue.
human body informs constellation
Many, Vivian Broughton has written
work, and explores how our families Barbara Morgan
a comprehensive, basic text on
and social systems are always present Editor
constellation work with some very clear
in our posture, movements, and bodily
descriptions of the phenomenological
experiences. Her next article gives
approach and tips on working with
an example of one way to provide
individuals. I am pleased to include
useful feedback for developing
here an extract covering two chapters.
facilitators. Jane has adapted the
brief therapy approach of reflecting Finally, I would like to thank Alannah
teams to provide novice facilitators Tandy-Pilbrow in her letter and Vivian
with feedback in a way that engages Broughton and John Mitchell in their
the abilities of the students and training ad for their acknowledgement of the
group. Her article highlights the need work that has gone into producing
for a discussion of best practices for this journal, both from myself and
trainers to use in guiding students the previous editors and founders.
who want to join the ‘conscience
group’ of constellation facilitators. Looking to the Future
As mentioned earlier, I am deeply
Moving on to the Personal Reflections
grateful to everyone who has helped
section Amina Edlin Ortiz Graham
the journal reach this point. My vision
considers the concept of trust and
for the future is to set up the business NExT IssuE
its role in constellation work, drawing
side as a co-operative so that all who
on Bert Hellinger’s Movements of
want to can play a more active part We hope to include as part of our
the Spirit-Mind and the other two
in what happens. I really enjoy editing In the Spotlight series interviews
articles return to our theme introduced
this publication and the learnings and with Franz Ruppert and Raquel
earlier in Vivian’s conversation with
highlights it provides. At the same Schlosser. Please contact the
Ursula and Tom – the interplay of
time, in my view, The Knowing Field Editor if you know of people in your
male and female energies in the
is and always has been a community part of the world who are doing
work. David Mathes offers a male
publication with an independence innovative or groundbreaking work
perspective on Bert Hellinger’s idea
that I value very highly. It does not with constellations and would
of the order of Women following
belong to any particular organisation be willing to be interviewed for
Men, with a particular emphasis on
and it does not belong to me. I am this series. As I mentioned in the
the business world in China, whilst
working in the service of something Editorial I am hoping to continue
Sadhana Needham widens the
much larger, a larger field. It would with the series on The History of
theme to cover the masculine and
be really great if that could also be Nations, Cultures and Religions
feminine principles in constellation
reflected in the financial management. and pick up on Lisa’s introduced
work and the need for both.
The financial side of the business theme of the effects of colonialism.
Janice Crawford reminds us of that still
is a challenge and I have wanted
place in ourselves in her offering of two
for some time to take that forward,
poems: the first about her relationship
to actively include all those people
with her mother and the second
who want the journal to continue.
a description of her experiences
Working together with less time and

3
 Our Homeland
Bert Hellinger

The country we come from, our Homeland and our country are part of our
destiny. They are closely connected to our mother. Our homeland for us is
like a mother.

We have received everything essential What is the result of this act? They A business is safe if it is connected
from our homeland. Therefore, we have lose strength. We could observe that with its homeland and serves the
an obligation towards our homeland. many of them, just as they were not people in its homeland. They come
As in other relationships, there must prepared to serve their homeland, very first. Then a business may expand,
be a balance of giving and taking. often they also refused to serve the but its roots must remain in its
We have received so much from our country that received them. In both homeland. Then it is much safer for
homeland – education for instance – countries they stayed in an attitude it to spread somewhere else.
the language we speak is such a big of: I take without giving something
gift from our homeland and the culture in return. I have observed that some Some people want to leave their
of our homeland that supports us. of those who leave their homeland in homeland with the idea that they
Therefore, we feel we have to give back order to escape their obligations there will find their luck and good fortune
something to our homeland by serving get ill. Then they have to return to their somewhere else; this has very much
our homeland in many respects. homeland in order to get well again. to do with their relationship to their
mother. If we have lost the relationship
Sometimes, our homeland gets Some people have to leave their with our mothers, we have also lost
into trouble. We have seen that for homeland for various other reasons our relationship to our homeland. If
the knowing field

instance in Croatia, Serbia, Bosnia, and seek refuge in another country. we have found the relationship to our
Albania. These countries got into I do not question that. Then, in mother again we have also found the
trouble and then many of its people their new homeland, they have to relationship to our homeland again. In
tried to escape these troubles by acquire the right to stay by being our homeland we are on solid ground.
moving to another country. In this ready to serve this country. We can get much more support in
way, they refused to bear the same our original surroundings than we
fate along with their homeland. How does that apply to business? can hope for somewhere else.

4
Someone asked the question: what the earth, everything and everybody We move with the earth in a humble
happens if a company has been is in resonance with everything else. way, loving the earth as it is.
established in one country and then Connected with the earth in this
they see that in another country they way, we can look at all other people We find happiness and fulfilment
can produce more cheaply? Then they and at the world as it is, with love. only on this earth. The work that we
leave their homeland in a certain way. We can consent to the world as it is have experienced in this workshop
On the other hand, they serve another and to the earth as it is and to the is in the service of the earth, in the
country as well. I do not judge this future of the earth as it will show up service of the life of the earth and of
in any way. If in our hearts we have after some time, with confidence. the life on earth. In this way we can
a connection to our homeland and co-operate with all other movements
we expand and serve other countries The earth is moving – not only around that are in the service of the earth.
as well – this is part of a worldwide the sun – the earth is progressing by
human progress especially. There Then we let go of all our ideas that
movement of globalisation by which
are some who think that progress we can do better than other people.
various countries develop a closer
is dangerous for the earth. At that We do something and the others do
relationship than seemed possible a
moment they have separated something. We learn from our mistakes
few years ago. I consider globalisation
themselves from a movement of the and others learn from theirs, because
as a movement for the benefit of
earth as it is. They have an image of progress, creative progress, is based
many beyond our own homeland
what would be better for the earth on mistakes – or more exactly - on
towards a greater community.
and are no longer in contact with the what is incomplete. Only if we allow
earth. Nor are they in contact with other something to be incomplete, can
Our Common people, nor with new developments a creative movement improve it.
Therefore if we look at ourselves
Home: The Earth which are supporting life for everybody.
and see that we are incomplete, it
I want to say something about our What happens if we think all progress does not matter. Because we are
common home. Where is our common is bad? We could see that in some incomplete we know we have to move
home? On the earth, only on the countries where they wanted to forward. In this way we join a great
earth. Whenever we deviate from this restore the old times. So many people community of many who are engaged
connection with the earth, no longer were killed! When we learn to trust in furthering life and staying in love.
standing with our feet on the earth, the movements of the earth and the
These two lectures were taken from
being supported by the earth and by progress of the earth exactly as it
the 2nd International Workshop
these powers that govern the earth in is, what is the effect? We forget our
on the Laws of Success in Pichl,
every respect, we lose our ground. On ideas of what is best for the earth. Austria, on April 18-19, 2008.

5
 In The Spotlight
Ursula Franke and Tom Bryson In Conversation with
Vivian Broughton

21 June 2009, Bristol, UK.

Dr. Ursula Franke-Bryson

Ursula has a Masters and a Doctorate
of Psychology (in Family Constellations),
and has been a practitioner in
Munich since 1990. She is a State-
certified Psychologist with roots in
Behavioural Therapy, Body Work,
Hypnotherapy and Solution-Oriented
Short-term Therapy. She is a Member
of the Editors’ Board of the German
magazine for constellations, Praxis der
Systemaufstellung (The Practice of
Systemic Constellations) and a member
of ISCA. She has several publications
on constellations.
She works together with her
husband Thomas Bryson in
Thomas Bryson trainings around the world.
Thomas works in private practice with constellations in person Both are currently exploring the cutting
and with Skype. He has many years’ of hospice experience caring edge of constellations, the interrupted
for individuals and their families with end of life issues. reaching-out movement, and the traces
He trains and writes on constellation issues with his wife, focusing on of systemic experiences as reflected in
spirituality, emotional aikido and working with difficult emotions. the body.
[email protected] [email protected]
www.thomas-bryson.de www.ursula-franke.de

This interview took place when hypnotherapy, gestalt and short term the role of an aunt; I can still remember
Ursula and Tom were visiting therapy. Ursula recently married Tom it. It was so… phew… I was so struck
the UK to run a workshop for Bryson, with whom she now works. by suddenly being someone else! It
Constellations Work Trainings. had a very powerful impact on me.
VB: Ursula, I am interested to know,
Ursula Franke was part of the initial and I think others will be interested At that time I had just finished my
wave of constellations facilitators to know, how did you get into psychology studies and I was looking
learning directly from Hellinger and constellations in the first place; what is for a subject for my doctoral studies
those who had been with him for your story about coming to this work? and I thought: “Wow! This is something
many years. She has made major I am interested in. What is this?” So it
contributions to the field through her UF: It was the early 1980s, I was was at this point I became involved.
adoption and development of the working at a centre similar to Zist 1
interrupted reaching out movement and I met Eva Madelung there. She Also at that time Matthias Varga
work as originated by Hellinger, had been working with Bert for many von Kibéd and Insa Sparrer had
and her two books: one covering years, so she is of the first generation, an experimental group made up of
a detailed look at the sources of I think, of those who had been working colleagues, and Eva knew them so
with Bert before Gunthard published she took me along. At this time
the knowing field

Hellinger’s work and the second

offering guidelines for taking the work his original book in German (2007) as none of us really knew what family
into the one-to-one session. She has the first generation. Eva invited me to constellations were about. Matthias
a doctorate in clinical psychology a constellations workshop she was and Insa had been working with
(her thesis was based on Systemic doing, in 1992. The work was very Virginia Satir who was doing her
Constellations), and has experience rudimentary at that time because there family reconstruction work. This
in behavioural therapy, bodywork, were no books. I was chosen to play often took a long time; sometimes

6
 the knowing field
they worked for a week on one client UF: Yes that’s right. Then Gunthard ‘me’. But it is not and this is what I
issue, exploring every little detail of had a working group which met learned from Tom through his work
the family structure. So Matthias and once a year for three days, about 30 with presence awareness – that there is
Insa were facilitating constellations people, most of whom were that first no ‘I’. ‘I’ is just a complete resonance
that took three or four hours, and generation, just colleagues that he with everything that was before and is
I even heard of constellations invited, and he asked me to be part of around now; it is a pattern repetition
that sometimes took much, much it. We had this group for 7 or 8 years. but it is not stable in this pattern.
longer; Matthias would sometimes
start in the morning and continue VB: And would you say now that VB: So one of the things I know from
into the afternoon and evening. all of the work that you do is observing you working on Friday
oriented around constellations? is that this focus on the process of
VB: Well he has certainly speeded coming into presence is central to
up his approach from what UF: Oriented yes, but it is not only what you do. Can you say a bit more
I have seen of him! constellations. I have a background about this ‘coming into presence’?
in behavioural therapy, gestalt and
UF: Yes! So this was my very first bodywork, but the systemic view UF: Presence is the only true moment,
contact. And I took on an exploration is very inclusive and I find working because the past is over and the
of this work for my doctoral systemically extends the limitations future hasn’t arrived yet. So presence
dissertation which was quite a radical of all the other therapeutic forms. is about the present, but it’s more
thing to do. Then Eva Madelung asked than that. Presence is the awareness
me to organise a supervision group of being in this very moment. And
in 1993 with Bert and Bert said that presence is eternal and without
this would be the last workshop he
would do, that he would retire after
Presence is the characteristics, it’s without traits, it
doesn’t have any qualities; presence
this. But then 500 people signed only true moment, is just pure being. And by that it is
up, wanting to come without our completely unattached and…
doing any advertising. This was the
because the
beginning of the really big workshops; past is over and TB: Unconditioned.
the following year there was another
one, and the following year another the future hasn’t UF: Yes, unconditioned. And there
is so much power in it because
one. At the time I looked for a place
where we could host all these people
arrived yet it is completely free. Now we are
present. I think that our actual state
for this first event, and I asked my
is presence, like what we learn in Zen
professor at Ludwig Maximillian
and Aikido. It’s just this very moment.
University, so we did this first big
workshop in the University Hall there. VB: This is one of the things that I have
VB: So it is like in the meditation
thought about – the contrast between
tradition, the notion of pure awareness
Then for my dissertation I started psychotherapy and constellations,
with no thought, nothing else, and most
reading about the background of because psychotherapy has kind
of us don’t do that most of the time.
this work. At the time Bert was being of constrained its view to this other
harassed by the Evangelical Church person and me, the therapist, and UF: Yes, because the thoughts and
because they said that he was forming this relationship, and often doesn’t everything else are all conditioned,
a sect, and I thought: “This is not go very far back, maybe back to the they are all patterns from the past, all
a sect, this (constellations work) parents but not much more than that, perception and resonance from the
has roots, and so I have to find the whereas constellations brings us this past. And I think that presence just
ancestors.” I realised the importance much more expanded family view incorporates, it embodies each one of
of understanding the roots, because and a socially expanded view too. us. Presence is everywhere; that is why
with the kind of forbears that we clients understand presence very well.
have, it is clear that constellations UF: Yes, and now we have more of an
It’s nothing new for them. Everyone
is not the activity of a sect, but understanding of biology and genetics,
understands that: we are presence and
has its foundations in theories and and trauma work and epi-genetics and
we are also body at the same time.
thinking that are proper and usable. body therapy. Biology brings us the
My goal in my dissertation was to evidence that a person is a constant VB: This is interesting, because I
show that we did have roots, and fluent agglomeration, a thickening of was thinking, we all know what we
in a way also I wanted to show Bert certain traits, so that the ‘I’ doesn’t mean by the word presence and yet
that we have roots. I felt that this actually exist; it is just an overlap of it is difficult to formulate, in the same
was lacking in his presentation. many different flows and traits that all way as the term soul is difficult to
come from the past and our biological, put into words, even though we all
VB: So that was the start of social, historical and physical patterns have an understanding of what it is.
your first book, I guess, that all overlap at a certain point and are
came out of your thesis? condensed into what we then say is

7
 UF: Presence has no qualities; that moment when you sit with a act it out – he would invite us just to
that’s why you can’t put it into client, how does it translate? observe. So there was this change to
words, it is unconditioned. experiencing the body and looking
TB: That’s a good question. Yes, at what is happening here, rather
TB: From Martin Buber’s (2004) it is a process of reminding him than acting it out or expressing it.
perspective, presence is the subject. or her about being presence.
VB: Rather than what we used to
VB: In the I-thou relationship? VB: It interested me when you did do in the ’80s and ’90s with the
the experiment, Tom, with one of the stress on cathartic expression,
TB: Yes. participants where you brought her which often got people nowhere.
right into the present, asking her to
VB: So it’s not subject on its own,
attend to her experience of colour and UF: It didn’t help; it was a tension
it’s subject in relationship.
shape and sound, and then taking reduction, so it offered short-
TB: Well I think presence just is. Now her back to thinking about the issue. term relief but no change to the
in the moment that we physically come She saw how she weakened when underlying pattern. Also in behaviour
into being, the body is an object, but she went back to the issue and how therapy, when you do a systematic
our mind is still subject, and this is the she strengthened when she came into de-sensitisation you have these
duality that we live in and it is what we presence. So you were bringing to her incompatible states or behaviours, so
are dealing with in psychotherapy. As awareness how she doesn’t do that. that you are either relaxed or you are
humans we are having to deal with the tense with fear. You can’t be tense
TB: And to how she, and all of us, when you are relaxed. And I was
fact that our bodies are objects which
can do it and how easy it is. doing that intuitively with clients; by
have been conditioned biologically
and sociologically for hundreds of getting them to exhale I could help
thousands of years. Alongside this, them move into a more relaxed state,
we are beginning to see more recently and then we could go to the more
not only in the family but also through difficult place through questioning,
trauma therapy, that we have a the notion we and see what produced a reaction.
biological past which is very strong have of primary So in fact I had been doing this for
years on a bodywork level, but it
in us. And there is still presence.
So it is both at the same time. and secondary was so helpful for me when Tom
and I started to work together and
VB: It reminds me of the paradox of emotions is Tom brought the spiritual knowledge
grappling with the fact that we live in
a Newtonian world and we also live in
not just about about presence. By exhaling, by
going into the body we are going into
a quantum world, and these are two emotions; it’s presence, and we go into our centre
seemingly conflicting realities. You
can’t think of both at the same time;
about a state of in our body where we find silence
and where everything outside stops.
it’s a figure and ground oscillation. being
VB: This is obviously a major
TB: Another way to put that is that contribution of your work Tom. I
we have a lineage of conditioning that want to move on now, taking this
goes all the way back to the dawn central understanding of presence,
of time, which is heavily based on UF: And how we actually are – that to your work with the interrupted
biological reality. At the same time is the essence of our being. We also reaching out movement Ursula,
we have presence that is completely have the conditioning, but we are not which I think is a very important and
unconditioned. This is the root of the the conditioning; this is the therapeutic fundamental part of presence. One
Christian concept of being both mortal step to bringing someone out of the of the things I understood from your
and immortal at the same time. thinking that they are the conditioning talk on Friday as well, which I hadn’t
and just pointing out the freedom they quite understood before, is that
VB: So it’s a paradox of two things have when they are in presence. the notion we have of primary and
that seem like oil and water.
secondary emotions is not just about
TB: Understanding the difference
TB: I don’t think it’s a paradox – it’s emotions; it’s about a state of being.
between who you are and what
holding two truths at the same time, it you are experiencing, including the UF: Yes I talk about primary and
may appear paradoxical to the mind.
the knowing field

interpretation of the experience. secondary movements, which includes

UF: But the body lives the reality the whole bodily movement, with
UF: I learnt to go into relaxation with
all the time so for the being thoughts and emotions and actions
my clients, into presence, by myself
itself, it isn’t a paradox. and impulses. Whether the movement
through body therapy. I learnt body
is towards or away – the movement
therapy from an analyst. We would
VB: These are really interesting towards being the ‘yes’ movement to
go into stress positions, as you do in
ideas, and if you take this now to taking life and the movement away
bioenergetics, but he wouldn’t let us

8
 the knowing field
being the ‘no’ movement to not taking UF: I have never understood the in a defensive way – by withdrawing
life. So primary movement expresses concept of entanglement, because I and then from this distance we learn to
presence continuously, and secondary can’t see how we can be entangled. approach without getting lost, without
movement expresses ‘no’, the avoiding First of all I learned that negative losing our presence. It seems like this
of presence, the avoidance of being descriptions don’t really contain is the task that we have to carry out
in contact with what is out there. I information. Entanglement is a negative in the first part of life: we have to deal
am currently reading Martin Buber description of something. When we with the tasks that we are confronted
(2008) again and what he speaks are born into a system, we are the with just by being in this particular
about is the ‘subject’ and if we are essence of the system; everything system. And then comes the creative
‘subject’ we look at the other as being that is in the system is in us, so all part. We have to deal with the tasks of
‘subject’, so if we are in that place in the conditioning of the system is in our family because there is nothing else
ourselves we can see it in the other. us, all the tasks of the system are our we can do, because it is who we are,
tasks; so it is part of our being that we are the system. So how can we be
TB: And if we can see it in the other we have to deal with everything that entangled with the system if we are the
then it can heal us and that is where is there, and therefore the notion of system? Again it is a tension reduction:
the spiritual teacher comes in. entanglement doesn’t work for me. giving something back is saying it is
not me, but if you keep doing it, as in
UF: When the constellations facilitator VB: The way I have understood catharsis, it’s a secondary movement.
is also in that state then they are able entanglement is that it is the way
to influence the state of the client. I also in which I am unconsciously and TB: If you take “it’s not me” to mean
learned with Tom, in talking about the unhelpfully bound in a way that limits “it’s not presence”, then you can leave
primary movement, that it is the child me in my ability to be fully myself. it tangled. When you step out of it and
being present when it is newly born – you don’t keep putting tension on the
the child is just presence, and this look UF: But you are fully yourself! lines of incarnation, they relax and the
that you see in the child! It wasn’t like How can you be otherwise? tangles can fall out, and you can see
that when I was born; now babies really and you can say to yourself: “Oh here
look at you. I think in our generation we TB: What you are describing is what
is somewhere that is restricted and
didn’t look – maybe because of the war we call the lineage of conditioning
that needs presence.” Then, when the
– I haven’t thought this through fully and that is never free, never purified.
presence comes into contact with that
yet, but now I see that when a child is restriction, it loosens up the structures
VB: That’s true but the essence
born he or she is presence and looks and flow can be introduced. And in
of what we are doing in therapy
towards the parents with his or her that moment it’s not a giving back
or in whatever work we do is to
presence. I don’t know yet if children or a letting go; it’s just a kind of...
make things more conscious.
are ever actually born in a secondary
state or how that would happen. I think UF: We do that by stepping UF: “Yes!” A ‘Yes’ movement. Yes!
that the child is born being presence into presence and then looking
and looks as presence to the other VB: Yes! That’s good!
at the conditioning.
presence in the parent and yet the
VB: I wanted to briefly touch on
parent, for whatever reason, is not VB: And the step into presence,
trauma; it’s something I am very
able to be in presence. The presence surely that must be a step
interested in, as you know. I have
of the facilitator can help a client into out of entanglement?
spent a lot of time studying Franz
presence in the same way that a baby
TB: Well the word that Ursula uses is Ruppert’s work with trauma, and I think
can invite presence from the mother.
not entanglement, but she talks about it is such an important part of what
TB: The child comes with presence taken-over emotions. When we are we do – when we hold the concept
and if presence is not reflected back, talking about structure and flow and of trans-generational trauma rather
the child doesn’t know presence, but presence we are talking about how than just the trauma that happens
the child is still presence, even if they over the years of conditioning, when to a person. I am interested to hear
don’t know presence in the other. there is trauma, the structures become about your thinking about trauma,
more restrictive, so that you are being how you see it in your work.
VB: Are you writing about this? held more tightly by the system.
UF: We have the biographical level,
UF: Yes, we are writing a book. We UF: I am always thinking about the we have the systemic history and
don’t have a title yet. The working tasks that we have during our lives. we have the biological level and the
title is: ‘Treasure in the Darkness’. What are we doing here? We are busy spiritual level. Initially we work with
resolving all the tasks that haven’t the biographical in psychotherapy,
VB: I want to ask you now about and in constellations we work more
been resolved yet. And of course we
entanglement, since you say that with the systemic family historical
suffer from this, because we realise
you have never used this term. level. But now we understand that
that our presence can’t be lived in this
tightness. So we start to ask and to the biological level is more important,
learn and to deal with that, first of all because the experience of the person

9
 and of the whole system is stored in UF: Yes that’s right! Oh, there is so talk about at the moment, but later
the body. So we have to deal with the much more to say about this! on when the first generation have
biological level, and it doesn’t matter in passed on, retired, stopped working,
a way whether we work more with the VB: I would like to move on to then the field will be different.
biographical or the systemic, it is all another subject that we discussed
stored in the body. It is the body that briefly yesterday and that is the role TB: If you look at the way we are
carries all this information. So when of the feminine in the constellations working (Ursula and I), the work we
we bring in presence at the spiritual community at present. It often seems are doing is explicitly holistic and
level, or presence as the eternal – the to me that our community is very male systemic. The men are speaking
most containing, completing space, dominated and that the more feminine from the head up, but the women are
other things lose relevance. We worked way at times gets overlooked. Do saying: “But what about the body?”
with someone recently whose whole you think there is an issue here and
if so, what could we do about it? UF: It is obvious that the constellations
background from both the mother and
field is at present male-dominated,
father for many generations was filled
and many women in the field do not
with trauma, and when we brought
feel recognised. This is very painful
her into presence she could see this
for them; in any description of the
without the experience of the trauma.
So presence is beyond trauma.
we have to deal history of family constellations the
female contribution is never properly
VB: It’s interesting to me because
with the biological seen. The female has to be honoured
at the moment Franz works with the level, and it more; otherwise ISCA 2 will not thrive.
intra-psychic aspects of the person,
so what he is often setting up is the
doesn’t matter in VB: But is there any way that
we as women collude with
part of the person that can come a way whether we this not being ‘seen’?
into presence; he may not use that
terminology; he talks about the healthy work more with UF: I see that the group of women
part which I would think of as the part
that can come into presence – and
the biographical facilitators is wonderful – their work is
wonderful. Doing interviews like this
the part that is traumatised and he or the systemic, it and pointing out what women are doing
works with the relationship between
the two, which in the beginning we
is all stored in the is very important. Women need to talk
about what they are doing, be more
would see as an avoidant relationship, body explicit about what they are doing. The
which then transforms into a men do talk about what they are doing,
primary movement relationship. but the women need to do that more.

TB: The way we do it explicitly is to VB: Are we perhaps reluctant

bring people to present awareness UF: Just do good work. If you look at to put ourselves forward, to talk
of what their senses are, because the constellations community, how about what we are doing?
when we do that we are operating many are women and how many are
from the perspective of presence and men? There are more women than TB: Often if women do it, they
there is no need to ‘go into’ presence; men working with constellations. There tend to do it in a masculine way.
all we have to do is notice that right are many women doing good work in That is what they see as the
now when we are engaged with our field and everyone who does this way to make themselves seen,
what actually is real to our senses, work does it out of personal interest. to follow in the male way.
we are functioning from a position I think Bert tends to leave the body
VB: So what is the female way of
of presence, and we have resources out of his work and this is the reason
doing this, of honouring ourselves?
and power in that place. Presence why the feminine, more earth-oriented
is not about the mind, so the mind representation is not so present and TB: Stepping into the embodied
thinks that something has to happen the male constellations facilitators power of presence, rather than
in order to be present, when coming of course will be likely to follow this. talking about it – just doing it.
into presence is no more complicated You could see this in a constellation
than noticing the colours. We are we did at the ISCA 2 Conference UF: I heard a sentence once that went
making this process very, very explicit. recently where a representation of something like: those who are not
the feminine element came into the interested in politics are ruled by those
the knowing field

VB: I can see parallels with trauma constellation pleading: “See me!” And who are interested in politics. And
work where you invite the client yet she persistently felt excluded, generally women are not interested
to watch the trauma episode as a put aside again. Yet I think in the in politics. I don’t know what else we
movie or something like that; this is long term the feminine – and the can do. I have to think about it. For
that moment of observation and the body – cannot be excluded. It is a example The Knowing Field Journal
person in that moment is in presence. very critical and difficult subject to is run by a woman, so she can bring

10
 the knowing field
women more into presence through the know for myself, it has been a complex feminine power into the presence
magazine, by interviews and articles and somewhat painful journey. I am of ISCA, then ISCA, which has its
such as this, which she is doing. interested to know how you feel structures from those who founded
about the formation of this entity. it – this is the same process that we
VB: This was always the problem have as facilitator and client – those
with the women’s movement in the UF: I think it is a big thing that Hunter structures can change in presence;
beginning; we thought that in order initiated. It is a very good influence there’s an opportunity to change ISCA
to create any kind of equality we that he has had, providing a network into what we would like ISCA to be.
had to do it in the male way; this where people can connect across all
was always a non-runner in reality. the continents and it is the people UF: But the question is: how
who do it. But it really has to be a can ISCA include those who feel
UF: That was so destructive; democratic, inclusive and systemic excluded? Also whatever you do,
it was not helpful. organisation that also honours the initial structures leave a legacy.
women or it won’t survive. It has
TB: That’s because the feminine way VB: Ursula and Tom, thank you
to have these primary qualities in
is inclusive and holistic and systemic; so much for this… I have found it
order to be attractive to everyone.
the feminine way includes the immensely enjoyable talking with you.
masculine, and that deeper sense of TB: It depends whether you look at
feminism is frequently not understood ISCA as an object or as a process. Notes:
by men or women; because if it is If you look at ISCA as an object with 1
Zist used to be the venue for
women in opposition to men, that is specific individuals moving towards the annual International Intensive
women taking over the male model. the creation of a thing then you have held near Munich in Germany.
to think: “Do I want to be part of
VB: It seems that we still find it difficult 2
International Association of
it or not?” but if you look at it as a
to fully embrace the feminine way Systemic Constellations.
reflection of the international field
to do it and perhaps this is because
of facilitators; as a reflection of the
the feminine way is, as you say, to
whole; as a process that is always
not be in opposition to, but inclusive
moving; then from that framework
of, to just get on with the work and
ISCA can be seen as a reflection of
not seek any kind of limelight.
reality. If, for example, we are the
Just one final question: the presence parents and ISCA the child and we
of ISCA in the field is a big presence. I bring our presence and our embodied

Vivian works as a constellations facilitator in the UK in individual contexts, groups and

consultancy. She runs a training programme in systemic constellations and organises
special interest workshops with prominent facilitators in the field such as Ursula Franke.
She organised with colleagues the first conference on constellations in the UK in 2005,
is a member of ISCA and is on the advisory panel of The Knowing Field Journal. She has
just completed her first book: In the Presence of Many: Reflections on Constellations
emphasising the Individual Context which is due for publication early 2010.

[email protected]
www.constellationswork.co.uk

REFERENCES
Buber, M. (2004) I and Thou. Continuum Publishing Group Ltd., London, UK (Re-published in 2008).

Franke, U. (2002) In my Mind’s Eye: Family Constellations in Individual Therapy and Counselling.
Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag, Heidelberg, Germany. Translated from original German edition: Wenn ich die
Augen schliesse, kann ich dich sehen (2002). Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag, Heidelberg, Germany.

Franke, U. (2003) The River Never Looks Back: Historical and Practical Foundations of Bert Hellinger’s
Family Constellations. Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag, Heidelberg, Germany. Translated from original
German edition: Systemische Familienaufstellung (2001), Profil Verlag, Munich, Germany.

Weber, G. (2007) Zweierlei Gluck. Konzept und Praxis der systemischen Psychotherapie
in German which was re-worked by Weber with Hunter Beaumont into Love’s Hidden
Symmetry in 1998 and published by Zeig, Tucker & Co., Phoenix, Arizona USA.

11
 In The Spotlight
Insa Sparrer In Conversation with
Vivian Broughton

July 2009, Limmen, Holland

Insa Sparrer, along with her partner Matthias Varga von Kibéd, was one of
the first people actually working with constellations after having witnessed
Bert Hellinger. Strongly influenced by the work of Virginia Satir 1, with
whom she trained, Insa, along with Varga von Kibéd, integrated Satir’s
work with Hellinger’s constellations in workshops as far back as 1989.
Since then Sparrer, working closely with Varga von Kibéd, has integrated
the Solution-Focused work of Insoo Kim Berg and Steve de Shazer of the
Milwaukee School of Brief Therapy 2, developing a specific style of constellations
known as Systemic Structural Constellations (SySt), part of which was the
process known as Solution-focused Systemic Structural Constellations.
Sparrer is the author of a number of books and papers on this subject in
German as well as one book which has been translated into English (2007).
Sparrer studied psychology in Munich and has worked for many years as a
psychotherapist. In addition she works in the fields of consulting, mediation and
teaching, in many European countries.
[email protected]
www.syst-strukturaufstellungen.de

This interview took place on 6th July you were in the room with her you his underlying need and addressed it,
2009, during a workshop at the could feel her warmth, her being – the even though he was threatening her.
Nederlands Trainingsinstituut voor air was somehow different. She had She had great courage. She was a
Neurolinguistisch Programmeren, an enormous capacity for empathy for good model. I was impressed by her.
Limmen, Holland. everyone, and everyone had a good
place with her. She didn’t confront Matthias and I wanted to work
Insa’s collaboration with Varga von people; it was more that she went with her method so we started an
Kibéd has been so close over such very slowly, step by step, but always experimental group, and in this group
a long time that when she uses the supporting the person. She held I first did family reconstructions.
term ‘we’ in the interview she means people. And so I learnt from her to love
herself and Varga von Kibéd. VB: I find this very interesting – this
every client and be connected with my
difference between role-playing as
clients, and that in this atmosphere
VB: Insa, my first question for you is in psychodrama, and what Satir was
things change. I could fully accept
one that always interests me when I doing, which also wasn’t quite what we
what she was doing because she
meet other constellations facilitators: now think of as being a representative.
always did what she said; she was
how did you come to this work?
always congruent. In her work she IS: Yes it is different. In psychodrama
IS: Initially I learnt the form of what we stressed reconciliation with the family. the role-players get role scripts; they
call constellations work from Virginia are given the story to play out and told
VB: You talk about her with great
Satir. She called it family reconstruction what emotions to express, whereas
love; she was obviously very
work. She included gestures for the with Virginia they weren’t. They got
important for you personally.
representatives whom she called the story from the client, but they
role-players. So in that sense they got IS: Yes, yes… I hadn’t found this didn’t get the script of what to say.
roles and role information from the with any other psychological teacher.
client who told the story of the family. VB: So it was a kind of in-between
Being with her was a very intimate
stage between the role-playing
experience. I felt very supported.
VB: Did you work with her for a of psychodrama and what we
Everyone liked Virginia. Some cases
long time? now know as the representative
could be very difficult but she was
experience. And they were allowed
IS: Firstly, I did a three-week training always fully there for everyone. She
to say what came to them?
with her. Her trainings were run as also told us personal stories. She
residentials, so the group was together told us a story once about a teenager IS: Yes this is right. She called them
the knowing field

for some weeks and we worked every who came at her with a gun and role-players but they didn’t get a script.
day. It was very intense. Then for the wanted to get inside her house. She They got the story, so of course they
following two years I did two weeks said to him: “How lonely you are; got something of the content. And
each year with her in Munich. Virginia how sad you are,” and he reacted then sometimes they acted in a very
Satir was herself very fascinating; she by talking to her about his difficulties precise way, what we now recognise
was a very warm person, and when and his needs. He changed and as representative perception, and I
stopped being aggressive. She saw

12
 the knowing field
asked Virginia about this. It was as if it was OK for them and they could we took this from Hellinger, as well
they knew what to say. She agreed take it. I was astonished by this, but as the ideas based on the work of
and said that this did happen, that understood that this was true for them. Boszormenyi-Nagy – the principles
sometimes the roles were exactly One person I asked felt that she had of giving and taking, precedence and
fulfilled as if the real person was there. to withdraw from her friends because inclusion – and we included that really
She knew it. It was some years later of how Hellinger had challenged her, empathic way of supporting and being
that Matthias and I developed the term and that her friends had not supported with the client from Virginia Satir’s
‘representative perception’; I couldn’t her at that moment. She thought model. For instance, Virginia said
use it when I talked with her because the friends were waiting to see what that for her it would not be ethical to
the term didn’t exist at that time. would happen. And then later Hellinger leave the client in a difficult situation
apologised to her, saying that he had and that she would stay with them as
VB: So how did you come into meant it in a way that she hadn’t long as necessary – sometimes for
contact with Hellinger’s work? understood. But even so it seems that two hours or more; this was different
she couldn’t re-establish contact with from what Hellinger was doing.
IS: Three years after the first seminar
her friends and felt that she had to
with Virginia Satir, we attended the VB: This has some parallels with how
withdraw from them. So I thought that
first of Hellinger’s seminars. I didn’t Ursula Franke works. I have seen her
sometimes his challenges went wrong
like how he dealt with some of the also stay very close to the client until
and didn’t have a good effect, but I
people because he was very sharp the client moves out of the crisis.
also saw that some people could take it
and sometimes seemed to overwhelm
and were strengthened by it. However,
them. He said things that made me IS: Yes, and with this minimalistic
I didn’t at any time feel it would be
think the other person would be approach we also wanted to avoid
right for me to work like that. So all
intimidated, that they wouldn’t be interpretations. I didn’t like how
the time I was deciding what I would
able to take it. He confronted people Hellinger frequently gave interpretations
take from it and what I would not.
with very challenging sentences, to what was happening. My concern
quite the opposite of appreciation. VB: I think this is often an issue for was that the client would take the
Later I saw him giving a lecture about us as facilitators – not to follow and interpretation as truth because a so-
systemic guilt and I found this very copy blindly but to see what is right called master was giving it; this can
interesting. He was actually talking for us, and what fits our own way of bring many problems. I preferred not
about the work of Boszormenyi-Nagy being and doing. You express very to give interpretations to things, but
(1984), although he didn’t mention well this process of seeing what works to stay with the process-work. When
him by name and I didn’t know of and the impact on you of some things we worked with a client we would
Boszormenyi-Nagy at that time; I that Hellinger did. And during this stay with their presenting issue as the
found out about him only later. time that he was doing constellations contract rather than decide for them
were you ever a representative? what the issue was. For example, if
VB: Was he setting up they wanted to work with a physical
What was that like for you?
constellations at that time? issue we would stay with the body; we
IS: Yes I was, and it was a very wouldn’t say that it was an issue of the
IS: Yes he was doing very short
fascinating experience, to see family. How would I know that? So from
constellations and he didn’t explain
that different body feelings and there we developed different forms of
much, but I think that at that time
experiences came so easily. structural constellations to fit the topics
he probably couldn’t explain much
brought by clients: a form for a body
because there were no theories, and VB: So what came next in (physical) constellation, a form for a
so he left it with a question mark. At your development? problem constellation, the tetralemma
the time I was also curious as to how
constellation as a constellation form
it helped the client or even if it helped IS: We liked the business of
for a decision issue and so on.
the client. Sometimes he would sit and arranging the representatives with
listen to the client very closely with no gestures, because it is very clear VB: Let’s go back a moment here,
great attention, which seemed good, and simple. We were very drawn because I think what you are saying is
but then he would challenge the client to this simplicity, which is why we important. This is in connection with
in a rather hard way, which shocked were also so drawn to the solution- the potential power and authority that
me. So some things he did I found very focused approach, which is also may be given to the facilitator or not by
fascinating but other things I found very basic, very clean and simple. the client, and it sounds as though one
very shocking. We went to the next of the things that was really important
seminar he did with some friends of VB: Yes Matthias was talking this
to you was to undermine that; to say
ours; we wanted to go again because morning about Steve de Shazer
that the facilitator is not the person
his ideas were interesting and we and Insoo Kim Berg`s 3 approach
who knows, that this form of authority-
wanted to learn more. This time I asked as being essentially minimalistic.
taking is not comfortable for you?
some of the people who worked with
IS: Yes and I liked the minimalistic
him, and to whom he was challenging, IS: Yes, and this is crucial in the
aspect of Hellinger’s approach, of just
how it was for them. Some said that solution-focused approach.
positioning the representatives. So

13
 VB: So this understanding and which are more aligned with how the how to handle a situation if it didn’t
intention was already in place for you client talks about the issue. Most work. Matthias preferred not to do this
through your connection with the clients talk about their issue in terms on his own. So we worked together.
solution-focused approach. How long of having a problem. So we thought
had you been involved in that work? we would experiment with making a VB: I have had a little experience of
structural constellation of the parts your work, and of course when editing
IS: We got involved with that over that make up a problem. So we took your book I had to think quite a bit
twenty years ago about 1982/83 the grammatical form of the word about what you were saying. The
before the time we discovered Satir ‘problem’, and what is implicit in this readers of The Knowing Field generally
and Hellinger. So we wanted to put word. The word ‘problem’ implies, come more from the Hellinger side
them together, the verbal constructivist for example, that there is a ‘goal’. If of the field, for example my main
approach of the solution-focused there is no goal there would be no influence has been Albrecht Mahr
school with the embodied approach problem, even if the goal is solely and Franz Ruppert. For the benefit of
of the constellations method. to get rid of what is seen as the people who are not familiar with your
problem. Implied also is that there work, what would you say are the really
VB: This was one of the things I found important contributions of your work
is someone who has the problem,
fascinating when I was editing your to the wider field of constellations?
the ‘focus’, the representative of the
book, because it’s not my background
client, and there may be something
– the constructivist perspective. IS: I think the solution-focused
between the client and the goal, an
approach is very important and is
IS: The constructivist perspective ‘obstacle’ (or sometimes several
different. In the solution-focused
means that you do not know, and the obstacles); otherwise, again, if there
approach you stay at the surface of
solution-focused base is to work from were no obstacles there could not be
the client’s issue without interpretation.
this place of not knowing. So I had to a problem. In addition a problem is
This was different from Virginia Satir’s
develop something where I could work not a problem if the ‘obstacles’ are
approach as well. It impressed me
with the structure of the constellations not obstacles that it is possible to
because then it made it possible not
from a state of not knowing. overcome. This would be illogical and
to analyse problems, or go deeply
faulty thinking. An obstacle, to be a
into problems, which sometimes can
VB: I would call this a proper obstacle, must be something
be dangerous for clients – maybe
phenomenological approach. that could be overcome; otherwise
you can support them doing this,
Hellinger talks about himself the whole venture is pointless. You
but there is always a danger.
as a phenomenologist, which can understand that the problem
essentially also means working wouldn’t be so persistent if there VB: You are talking about trauma here.
from a place of not knowing. were not a secondary gain, what we
call the ‘benefit’ i.e. some reason for IS: Yes, yes the danger of re-
IS: But it is not phenomenological to traumatisation. So, I liked the
keeping the problem in place. And
give interpretations. Phenomenological solution-focused approach because it
there must be a goal after the goal, a
means that you give no interpretation maintained a safety. Also working from
‘future task’, because if the goal is
to it. If I give a word to something a state of not knowing brings modesty.
reached then there is the question of
I give an interpretation to it. This is the modesty of not being the
what happens next; this is the context
Phenomenology is pure experience. person who knows. All the people I
of the whole issue. These then are the
parts of the ‘problem constellation’. come across in the solution-focused
So we started an experimental group
field are so modest and always come
where we did family reconstructions
We wanted to take exactly what the from the heart. At the solution-focused
with some of my clients. I was
client was telling us and put it into a conferences they are always very
seeing clients and if I thought that
constellation without the hypothesis supportive of new people and don’t
a constellation would be good for
that all problems were to do with the immediately go into a competitive
a client I would suggest they come
family. Later Matthias said that he stance with each other. It is such a nice
to the group. There were other
wanted to try to do a constellation feeling being amongst them.
psychologists in our group who
of a logical formula because he is I was very impressed by Steve de
wanted to learn what we had learnt.
a logician, so he wanted to do the Shazer and how deeply he listened to
So we started doing constellations.
tetralemma schema 4. We did this the client and how unanalytic he was,
The constellations lasted a long time
together because he came originally how simple. Of course originally I came
because we were just beginning,
from the field of logic and understood
the knowing field

from a problem-oriented tradition and

and we did this minimalistic
the formula, and I came from the field so this was a big challenge for me –
form, placing representatives in
of psychotherapy. When we developed how was it possible not to analyse
the room without gestures.
a new format I could gauge how to do the problem and still be successful in
We also wanted to develop a new form this with clients, if it was possible and finding solutions? This for me was like
of constellations work, which we called appropriate, and because we were a koan 5. I like such challenges. And I
Systemic Structural Constellations, experimenting it was important to know saw that de Shazer’s and Kim Berg`s

14
 the knowing field
work was successful, and I wanted easily worked with using a structural is what he calls the ‘healthy part’
to learn how this approach could constellation, because in the structural of the client. This we could see as
replace the concept of looking at the constellation representatives can that part of the person that brings
problem as in the constellations work. experiment, and the emotions and them towards a potentially healing
So I developed the solution-focused feelings are more present; the client situation, and which I think you could
structural constellations in order to can more easily have the emotions and say is the part that holds the solution
compare both approaches, and we feelings connected with the issue. In or has access to the miracle.
found that it worked. Initially it was talking about issues of course there
more of an experiment to see if it are still feelings and emotions but IS: Yes! Yes that would be the miracle –
was possible. they become more available, more that is very interesting. For me working
explicit in the structural constellation, with the miracle question is the heart
Then we also understood that the so these things you can do better of the solution-focused approach,
solution-focused approach is a verbal using a structural constellation than because it provides an enormous
approach, and that the structural through the solution-focused work. support, a big resource, and it means
constellations work is a transverbal You can also do something about that whatever comes, you have the
approach, i.e. you are working with putting things in their correct place. resources present in the structural
images and metaphors, with things For example we often work using a constellation to deal with it. What
that can be shown but are not easy timeline and if the issue is a trauma always surprises me is that when the
to express with words. So we saw it is almost always initially placed client comes with enormously difficult
that the structural constellations in the future on the timeline, as if it things to deal with and I ask them: “If a
approach adds something to the is experienced as a problem that is miracle has happened what would you
solution-focused approach. So it coming, which in a sense it is, because do now?” they always manage to find
seemed like a very natural synthesis. there is always the danger in the the answer, even though this seems like
immediate future of a re-traumatisation. a very difficult question! Often I cannot
VB: I thought it was interesting this anticipate the answer – what it could
However, the reality is that it should
morning to see clearly how you possibly be – but they always can. This
be in the past, and in the structural
structure the initial interview, and is a miracle in itself, and this I love!
constellation you can place the
then when you have a first level
trauma in the past, where it belongs.
of information from the client you In the constellation process I can put
Yvonne Dolan said that we were
make that into a constellation; you solution-focused questions to the
changing the paradigm and making
take the elements from the interview representatives and they can answer
things possible that were not possible
and put them into a constellation. from a solution-focused perspective.
in conventional psychotherapy.
IS: Yes that’s it, and as I developed it, I VB: Thank you for that good
VB: This must be useful, because
began to see more clearly when to go explanation. Now there is one other
there has been such a big move
to a structural constellation as a way thing I wanted to explore with you:
in the last twenty to thirty years to
of making explicit the words that the Hellinger’s way of working with
understand and develop good ways
client uses. For example Gale Miller 6 constellations has a feel of being
of working with trauma, and it sounds
said when I showed him the solution- deeply spiritual; the philosophy
as though one of your interests was
focused constellations process: “Now embraces the deepest aspects of what
how to find a way of working that
I understand what you are doing, you it means to be alive, what Hellinger
included the trauma in a safe way.
are making explicit what cannot be calls the Movements of the Spirit-Mind.
said in words. It is what is between the IS: Yes, it is easier to work with trauma
words, between the representatives. I IS: I think spiritual values are implicit
when parts of a solution are already
see here in the structural constellation in my work. For instance I don’t talk
present and you can place them in
what we cannot talk about in the about spiritual support, but within the
the constellation. So if you work with
solution-focused work. The structural notion of a miracle there is always the
the miracle question 8 for example it
constellation makes explicit what spiritual. If a client came wanting as
provides you with the solution right at
cannot be seen through the words.” their goal something that one might
the beginning, which you can place as
It is the transverbal language consider unethical, then in the
one of the elements of the structural
which can show relationships. solution-focused approach you
constellation. This can then hold the
wouldn’t say that isn’t ethical; you
client by stimulating understanding of
VB: I guess that must have been would just pose solution-focused
how he can move towards the miracle,
really nice for you, to have somebody questions, and in this way you get to
the good solution to the trauma.
from the solution-focused world the ethics, and you can see that it is
acknowledge you in this way. VB: As you know I am very interested implicit. For example I had a client
in the trauma-focused work of Franz whose husband was in prison and
IS: Yes it was. And I did two seminars she had no money and she had many
Ruppert, and currently he works in the
with Yvonne Dolan7 and she was physical problems. She was in fact
constellation with the intra-psychic
very interested because she saw that homeless and living in a place for such
aspects of the client, one of which
there were things that could be more

15
 people. And there was an alcoholic your own values or judgements out 8
A central element of the solution-
man living next door and every night he of it, but the space you make allows focused approach that takes the
banged on her door, which frightened the client to find their own ethics. client to an embodied state of
her and meant she could not sleep. experience that would apply if a
One day she came to see me and VB: So you can say that through miracle solution had occurred.
she was so angry she said that she the questioning you move into
wanted to find someone who would the consequences, which takes
kill him for her. She was in such a state one to the deeper ethics.
REFERENCES
that I couldn’t be certain she wouldn’t
IS: Yes exactly. You can trust
actually do this. It frightened me, but Boszormenyi-Nagy, I. & Spark
everyone and the resources they
even though my heart was beating very G.M. (1984) Invisible Loyalties.
have in themselves. Everyone has
fast I decided to stay with solution- Brunner Mazel, USA.
embedded in their stated goal an
focused questions. First of all I asked
ethical goal somewhere. There are Satir, V. (1964) Conjoint Family
her if she went ahead and did this,
no rules as to ethics; it is always Therapy. Science and Behaviour
what difference it would make. She
about trusting the resources and Books, Palo Alto, California, USA.
said: “I could use my room safely, and
ethics in the depth of a person.
I could sleep and I would be happier.” Sparrer, I. (2007) Miracle, Solution
So then I continued asking: ”And if VB: Insa, thank you so much for and System: Solution-Focused
that were the case what would then sharing your thinking and passion Systemic Structural Constellations
be different?” After a few questions about your work with me. for Therapy & Organisational
she talked about having to think about Change. English language version
what she had done and how she would Notes
edited by Vivian Broughton,
avoid the police. I went on asking these 1
Virginia Satir developed Family Solutions Books, Cheltenham, UK.
kinds of questions: how would things Reconstruction Therapy.
be different. Eventually she suddenly
got to a point where she said: “I would
2
Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim
be able to train as a dancer.” We had Berg founded the Brief Family
moved a long way from the original Therapy Center in Milwaukee, USA,
goal and found instead the need under and developed along with others
the goal: the need to do something Solution-Focused Brief Therapy.
creative in her life. So the first goal 3
See Footnote 2 above.
she described, having the man killed,
was only a means to get something 4
The tetralemma is a logical form from
that she really wanted, which was to ancient Buddhist thought involving
train in dancing. Then we could see five elements, as opposed to the
how she could do that another way. two elements of the dilemma.

VB: What you are saying is that 5

This is a paradoxical anecdote
whatever the surface topic is, if or riddle used in Zen Buddhism
you stay with the solution-focused to demonstrate the inadequacy
approach you eventually find the of logical reasoning and to
need being expressed by this initial provoke enlightenment.
topic, and I think you are saying
that when you get to this place it is 6
Gale Miller gave very important
always what we might call an ethical contributions to the solution-focused
or spiritual, life-enhancing need. therapy as a sociologist in the
team of the Milwaukee School.
IS: Yes that’s right. Steve de Shazer
worked with prisoners, and I asked 7
Yvonne Dolan is the Director of
him how he worked when they had The Institute for Solution-Focused
the knowing field

such unethical goals, and he said: they Therapy, Highland, Indiana, USA.
don’t have them, because when you She worked together with Insoo Kim
look underneath what we might see Berg and spread the solution-focused
as an unethical goal, you always come approach in the USA and in Asia.
to an ethical action. So I see that what
we are doing in the method itself is For Vivian’s Bio
always implicitly ethical, and you keep refer to page 11

16
 the knowing field
The History of Nations,
Cultures & Religions
Breathing New Life into Old Pictures
Lisa Iversen

Lisa Iversen, MSW, LCSW, has been a psychotherapist since 1993 and
constellations facilitator since 1999. She lives in the Pacific Northwest, is a wife
and mother, and is dedicated to promoting compassionate consciousness about
ancestral resonance into Western culture. To order her book, Ancestral Blueprints:
Revealing Invisible Truths in America’s Soul, visit
www.lisaiversen.com
www.familyconstellationswest.com
[email protected]

Editor’s Note: The first part of this while immigrant ancestors left their family life. Modern language used
article is taken directly from Lisa’s home countries, part of their souls to describe family experience in
book and therefore the American remained in the homelands. More American culture is often rooted in
spellings have been retained. than our minds can realize, this pathology and judgment. The label
resonance deeply influences today’s ‘dysfunctional family’ blinds us from
Part I: Book Extract choices about family, work, politics, seeing how the human experience
I wrote the book Ancestral Blueprints: and life in the United States. takes place within the context of a
Revealing Invisible Truths in America’s larger ancestral web. Can we imagine
The American emphasis on self- immigrant ancestors describing
Soul with the hope that it would
reliance reinforces an impulse to their elders as dysfunctional?
contribute to healing in American
disconnect from one’s ancestry and,
culture. The following book excerpt is
therefore, from oneself – an image that We are simply not as original as our
an imperfect glimpse into how race,
needing others or help is somehow egos or the American story would like
culture, and history intersect with
unpatriotic. Over the last hundred us to believe. How we are living our
one another in the United States:
years, many Americans have moved lives is deeply influenced by the ones
While working in the Systemic Family away from multi-generational, extended who came before us, and sometimes
Constellation field and connecting family networks. Many people seek families develop a trancelike way of
more deeply with my own ancestral therapy while living in a context of this existence in response to suffering.
roots, my intuitions led to an expanded isolation from grandparents, aunts, Understanding how the family
awareness of the need for healing in uncles, and cousins. Connection with trance is often passed on from one
American culture. I could increasingly a therapist provides solace, comfort, generation to the next promotes
see that the difficulties people and a place to learn that one’s feelings compassion and a renewed respect
described in my therapy office were and experience are “normal”. What’s for the human experience. In the
not only individual problems; they also true is that all of us, including Systemic Family Constellation field,
mirrored aspects of the collective therapists, are all entangled in one I consistently witness transformative
American experience. I began to see way or another with aspects of our strength that comes from seeing
a connection between our American family history that are waiting to be one’s life experience in connection
quest for psychological health and acknowledged. Each of us is a part of with earlier generations.
the unacknowledged traumatic truths the larger, human family, and we need
of our country’s history. Popular each other to wake up those aspects Part II: President
self-help books about shame, guilt, of our own ancestry that are ready to Barack Obama
perfectionism, and balance resonate be seen, honored, and integrated. Barack Obama’s election embodies
with the shadow side of our nation, the importance of knowing from whom
Contemporary therapeutic language
including its earliest roots: colonial and where we come, of honouring our
such as individuation, emancipation,
genocide of Indigenous Americans and roots, and integrating our ancestry.
codependence, and enmeshment are
enslavement of African Americans. He is showing us a picture of what it
undoubtedly useful in one respect,
looks like to live out the richness of
The facts are clear: our country was but they are also in resonance
one’s heritage, to acknowledge the
established out of disconnection with promoting images of the self-
home countries of one’s ancestors,
from earlier generations and reliant American. Many schools of
and to resist claiming one part of a
ancestors’ indigenous soil. Yet psychological thought also focus
lineage while denying the existence
on the effects of wounding in

17
 of another. Our human family is in acceptance begins with each person’s libraries and malls – history is with us
resonance with the Obama family as experience as a son or daughter. in each moment and in every place.
America and the global community Acceptance requires developing We are invited to see ourselves in
continues to adjust to his presidency. compassionate self-awareness, each other’s reflections as daughters
For the millions of Americans with both as individuals and as a country, and sons, women and men, parents
white skin who have unseen ancestors where we are able to recognise our and children. We are descendants of
with black or brown skin, for those relationship with history just as it is immigrant and indigenous, coloniser
with black or brown skin who have today – whether it is claimed, denied, and colonised, enslaved and enslaver,
unacknowledged white ancestors, frozen, or integrated – in whatever with a steady opportunity to recognise
for those with ancestors from more condition it may be. When an individual our common bonds. In these ordinary
than one country, the message is or community has experienced gathering places, we are called to
clear: no one is to be excluded. We division, trauma, or violence, coping see how we have protected ourselves
tap into irreplaceable strength from muscles become habitually flexed. from history, where we have lost
acknowledging what we receive from Often the coping patterns are passed connection with our origins, and if we
both our mothers and our fathers and on from one generation to the next have judged each other for what we do
from all of our ancestors and their and continue to be practised even or don’t have, or what our ancestors
homelands. Obama’s election breathes when survival is no longer threatened. did or didn’t do. We are invited to
new life into old pictures, reminding acknowledge how we make ourselves
us that our ancestors matter. Our more important than others, or make
heritage, our blood lineage…Cherokee, no matter where others more important than ourselves.
Scottish, Irish, Chinese, German,
Choctaw, Mexican, Sioux, Jewish, each person Tears of joy at Barack Obama’s
inauguration will become historical
Nigerian, Kenyan, the unnamed,
the unknown...they all matter.
comes from, artifacts, and will eventually cloud our

As we acknowledge our ancestry, we

whatever his vision if we are unable to acknowledge
both his and our own human
must also respectfully acknowledge the or her history imperfections and fallibility as American
secrets that have been closely guarded citizens. This is also true for those
by our families. Wherever we were born has been, we whose eyes were dry, who would have
and raised, our bodies and some part
of our being knows the truth about
are indeed all a preferred a different outcome to this
historic election or who are struggling
what has happened on that land in part of the same to accept an African American man as
the generations before us. This is true their president. Inheritance belongs to
whether or not we know the history in human family. all of us, and we are all entangled in
our minds. We are born into the silence one way or another with the unseen
that is passed from one generation images of America’s history. As we
to the next, but the truth asks to be embrace our collective American
seen, heard, and respected. President The survival mode is necessary in ancestry, we create a solid foundation
Obama reminded us of the power times of crisis. However, when there for democracy in its highest form.
of this silence during his campaign is enough safety to express relief
speech in Philadelphia in 2008 1: and joy, there is also permission to Indigenous Americans:
feel previously frozen grief and fear Unseen Mentors for
“Race is an issue that I believe this – feelings that remind people of their American Democracy
nation cannot afford to ignore right vulnerability and humanity. There was
now. The comments that have been According to Native American
just such a collective exhalation of elder Oren Lyons (2007):
made and the issues that have breath as President Barack Obama
surfaced over the last few weeks 2 took the oath of office. His election “In 1492, Haudenosaunee – which
reflect the complexities of race in symbolises unprecedented changes in is better known as the Iroquois by
this country that we’ve never really the American landscape, cracking the the French, and Six Nations by the
worked through – a part of our union ice in those places where America’s English – already had several hundred
that we have yet to perfect. And if we soul has been in survival mode. We years of democracy, organised
walk away now, if we simply retreat are asked to examine the costs of democracy. We had a constitution
into our respective corners, we will our history and show each other here based on peace, based on
never be able to come together and what is truly our greatest strength: equity and justice, based on unity
solve challenges like health care, that no matter where each person and health. This was ongoing.”
or education, or the need to find comes from, whatever his or her
the knowing field

good jobs for every American.” history has been, we are indeed all Richard Williams of the American
a part of the same human family. Indian College Fund (2003) continues:
Resisting the impulse to walk away “The political structure of the great
from one another rests on our ability When Americans gather together – Iroquois Confederacy served as
to resist walking away from ourselves in small towns, reservations, cities, a model for democracy among
and the parts of history that we would suburbs and farming communities; the founding fathers, who wrote
rather not claim. This movement of in coffee houses, schools, diners, the Constitution based on ‘we the

18
 the knowing field
people,’ something unheard of in land. In fact, the ideas of buying and the minds of the people certainly, but
the aristocratic, feudal societies of selling were concepts we didn’t have... not written. Plenty of law, almost on
Europe. In fact, there is no word for And we said: ‘Well, how can you buy everything, but unspoken. Unspoken
‘I’ in any American Indian language, land? You might just as well buy air, or unless transgressed. There was
which was a profound concept to the buy water.’ That is precisely what has always reaction to transgression.”
framers who closely studied the tribes’ happened…They said: ‘Let’s make
customs, government and culture.” us a law here; we’ll call it the law of Today we all pay the price with
discovery.’ The first Christian nation a litigious climate, excess of
American Indian democracy that discovers this land will be able lawyers, and difficulty saying: “I’m
existed within the web of ancestral to secure it and the other Christian sorry,” in the face of injustice.
connection. Indigenous principles nations will respect that.” Lyons (2007).
of law and order made a profound Who Invented White People?
impression on the European Rules written on paper by attorneys In honour of the Martin Luther King,
founding fathers; this Indigenous cannot replace internalised, inherited Jr. holiday in 1998, Dr. Gregory Jay
influence is generally ignored in the laws of human life that exist within from the University of Wisconsin gave
re-telling of American history. the web of all relations. One of the the provocative talk: “Who Invented
consequences of European Americans’ White People?” Jay reflects:
“As far as I know, all the other Indian disconnection with ancestry has
nations functioned more or less been the delegation of family issues “From the days of the founding fathers
the same way. Their leadership was regarding balance, justice, and until the Civil Rights movement, ‘white’
chosen by the people. Leaders belonging, to courts. This larger was a common term in the law as
were fundamentally servants to context of American history has well as society. Federal, state, and
the people,” says Lyons (2007). allowed property laws to become the local officials regularly passed laws
basis for family law. The same legal containing the word ‘white’ defining
However, those influential principles
system that was created to justify the everything from slavery and citizenship
of law could not be lived out in the
founding of our country became the to where people could sit on a bus....
same way for this new country.
foundation for today’s courts that are Over and over we hear people say:
Indian democracy was grounded
overwhelmed with family law issues ‘Race shouldn’t matter’, that we
in ancestry. In contrast, American
such as custody and divorce suits, should, or even do, have a ‘colour
democracy was created in a
child and adult protective services, blind society’. What has happened, I
context of immigration, colonial
domestic violence restraining orders, think, is that we have instead created
genocide, and institutional slavery.
and foster care management. a blindness to whiteness, or been
American Historian Bruce blinded by whiteness itself.” 4
“The law has had such a profound
Johansen (1990) explains:
impact on the way Americans The contemporary meaning of
“John Adams observed that Benjamin have understood and experienced whiteness developed in the context
Franklin...and other great philosophers family life…family law, past and of colonialism. Colonising European
and politicians of the age were present, is too important to be left ancestors needed a defining trait
attempting to set up governments to the lawyers, or even the legal to distinguish themselves from
of...modern Indians.” Adams saw historians.” Michael Grossberg, American Indian and African American
American Indian governments as a American Historical Review (2001). populations whom they were colonising
window to the pre-monarchial past and enslaving. At first, religious
Today the USA has seventy distinction (specifically Christianity)
of Europeans. The founders looked
percent of all the lawyers on was a way to establish superiority
to American Indian ideas about
earth, one for every 200 adults in and justify both colonisation and
government because they believed that
America. Former President Jimmy slavery. The practice of saving souls
American Indian societies possessed
Carter 3 once commented: went hand in hand with taking land
a democratic heritage that European
society had largely lost. This truth or exploiting labour. Eventually skin
“We have more litigation, but I am not
remains largely invisible in mainstream colour, an unchangeable trait (versus
sure that we have more justice. No
American culture: American Indians religious or spiritual identification),
resources of talent and training in our
were mentors for democracy to became the way European forebears
own society... (are) more wastefully or
America’s European forebears.” could rationalise colonial practices.
unfairly distributed than legal skills.
Ninety percent of our lawyers serve ten Jay continues:
Nature’s Laws vs. percent of our people. We are over-
Courtroom Laws lawyered and under-represented.” “No longer a European, the American
Since before the inception of the represents a new race made from the
United States, laws were created Lyons (2007) continues: stock of various European nations...
in courtrooms to justify taking what America was that place where the
“In most Indian nations, because they
there was no permission to take. downtrodden classes of Europe could
had inhabited one place for so long
throw off the oppression of aristocrats
“The ideas of land tenure and and were a people for so long, the
and attain not only fraternal equality
ownership were brought here. We rules and laws were embedded in the
among themselves, but superiority
didn’t think that you could buy and sell genes of the people more or less, in

19
 over those who were not of the new idea. Without this idea, belief systems Notes:
white race. When the Constitution such as white supremacy would have 1
“A More Perfect Union” speech given
of the United States was written, it no foundation. Ancestry, however,
during United States presidential
thus specifically enshrined slavery is not only about skin colour. It is campaign, Constitution Center,
into law and denied citizenship about generational connection, Philadelphia, PA, USA. March 18, 2008.
to enslaved Africans. When the home countries, languages, faith 2
Obama’s frank speech was
Naturalization Act of 1789 was made traditions and other aspects of lineage.
prompted by allegations that he
law, it stipulated that only ‘whites’ were Identifying as ‘white’ helps avoid the shared his pastor’s controversial
eligible for naturalisation as citizens complexity of European American opinions on race relations.
(a clause persistently contested by heritage: what is known and unknown; 3
Remarks made at 100th Anniversary
people of Chinese and Japanese questions unasked and unanswered.
Luncheon of the Los Angeles
ancestry for the next 150 years).” County Bar Association, Los
For today’s conversations about
Angeles, CA, USA in 1978.
According to Dr. Joy DeGruy-Leary (2005): race to be constructive or healing,
white Americans must become more 4
Speech entitled: “Who Invented White
“Of greatest import, the American grounded in the truth of their own People?” University of Wisconsin-
slavery experience was exclusively European ancestries and mixed Milwaukee, Milwaukee, WI, USA.
based on the notion of racial heritages. Knowing where one belongs 5
Direct quote from conversation
inferiority...Africans were considered as a descendant within the ancestral between Rev. Adedumola (‘Dee’) Carter,
to be ‘presumed’ or ‘natural’ slaves web is key to this groundedness. Nelda Danz, and Lisa Iversen in 2008.
based on their skin colour. They Our minds can best serve our human All speeches have either been
were also referred to as ‘thinking family during this historical time by downloaded from the internet or
property’ and inherently ‘rightless re-acquainting ourselves with our were in the public domain.
persons’. In few societies, if any, ancestral roots. Doing so provides
were so large a group of people the necessary strength required
considered to be less than human.” to more fully face these difficult REFERENCES
Her experiences with constellation parts of the history of the USA.
Lopez, B. (2007) The Leadership
work have helped a Nigerian Dee concludes: Imperative: An Interview with
immigrant named ‘Dee’ 5 understand Oren Lyons. Orion Magazine.
the racial tension she experiences “There was an African American
Johansen, B.and Grinde,
living in the southern USA: woman who came to the constellation
Jr., D. (2003) Reaching the
workshop and felt: ‘Haven’t the
“I came to the USA from West Africa Grassroots: The World-wide
whites done enough? Here she (Lisa)
where the slave trade was the biggest. Diffusion of Iroquois Democratic
is coming here (to Atlanta, Georgia)
I remember when I first came to Traditions. American Indian
when it’s white people who have
America eleven years ago – all the Culture and Research Journal
caused the problems’....By the time
faces I saw were so familiar. They 27, no. 2, pp.77-91.
the constellation was over, the other
looked alike: like cousin this, brother woman could’ve been white and Johansen, B.and Grinde,
that, their whole behaviour and body Lisa, black. The woman saw that Jr., D. (1990) Kindling a New
language – everything. I used to talk she had not been able to relieve the National Grand Council Fire:
about it with my friends. They would pain of her ancestors in slavery. She Native American Liberty and
also be looking, confirming what had become her own slave owner. the U.S. Constitution. Exemplar
I was thinking. As I became more She walked like a slave and had no of Liberty: Native America and
entrained in American culture, I wanted money. The constellation allowed her the Evolution of Democracy.
to understand why the Indigenous to relieve this pain, to know that she Grossberg, M. (2001) Bringing the
Africans and African Americans were is not a slave, and to see that the History of American Family Law
not friendly. It was really troubling for ancestors can carry the burden of into the Classroom. OAH Magazine
me. Ninety-nine percent of my friends slavery. They want their descendants of History 15, no. 4, pp.23-27.
in the USA are European American.” to feel joy, freedom, happiness, love.” Carter, J. (1978) Remarks at
“What is the issue? It all goes back to 100th Anniversary Luncheon of
“For each African American person,
slavery. Over many generations, there the Los Angeles County Bar
this comes up: handing these things
is the gap between the ancestors who Association, Los Angeles, CA.
back to the ancestors. Our ancestors
sold and the ancestors who were sold have done a wonderful job. We don’t Jay, G. (1998) “Who Invented
that lives on in the descendants. In the need to do it – to suffer for them. White People?” speech, University
middle of it all are the Europeans. They We need to remember that it is of Wisconsin-Milwaukee,
the knowing field

have more affinity to the Indigenous disrespectful to think that they need Milwaukee, WI, USA.
Africans. It’s easier to befriend them our help. They don’t need you to do DeGruy-Leary, J. (2005) Post-
instead of African Americans. I couldn’t this; they have already done it. That Traumatic Slave Syndrome:
understand it until seeing the bond – came out so clearly. This woman called America’s Legacy of Enduring
every which way there is the bond.” later and said: ‘Thank you. This is an Injury and Healing. Uptone
Most scientists and academics agree avenue that I know that constellations Press, Milwaukie, OR, USA.
that race is a socially constructed can help with so much in this country’.”

20
 the knowing field
Being Jewish
Ayelet de-Picciotto

Ayelet has an MA in Clinical Psychology. She studied and worked in California,

Tokyo and Hong Kong. For the last three years she has been living with her
husband and three children in her home country, Israel. She works as a
Psychotherapist specialising in treating Trauma, Anxiety, Eating Disorders and
as a Facilitator of Constellation workshops.
[email protected]
www.soulconnection.co.il

email: [email protected]
website: www.soulconnection.co.il

It is February 2009. I am sitting at a conference in Vienna, surrounded by

forty Jewish Constellation leaders from ten different countries, discussing
Jewish identity issues
“What made you go to a Conference the same time as the Conference communities in USA, that the only
intended just for Jewish leaders?” was scheduled to take place. Twice I way to live a meaningful Jewish life
asked a puzzled colleague while sitting almost got on the plane, and twice I was to live it in Israel. Is he right?
in an Israeli café a few weeks later. returned home. On the first occasion,
Being an Israeli, you would think that I discovered that my visa had expired Most Jewish Israelis have strong roots
my identity was clear. I had always and on the second occasion, the in other countries. However, what
thought so. But then, one night, not course was cancelled due to the makes today different from the time
long ago, I dreamt that an officer terrorist attack in Mumbai. This is how I before Israel was established, is that
asked me for my oldest daughter’s found myself in Austria instead of India. we now have a blue identification
ID card. When I took it out, the card card with a kosher Jewish stamp on
contained not just one photograph I was sitting there, observing the it. Suddenly I felt a deep longing
as was customary, but twelve – the participants one by one, guessing in my heart – a longing for each
number of years we had lived outside who people were. As the hours and every Jewish participant in the
of Israel. The photograph showed passed by, people got to know each Conference – people from the USA,
different phases in her life. One photo other better, and the guessing began France, Argentina, Mexico, Switzerland,
was just not enough to represent to cease. One of the participants Austria, and Germany to quench their
her; she was a child born in Israel, shared a personal detail about his thirst for Jewish orientation by coming
but who had lived most of her life in father being Christian and his mother to Israel, and creating a tangible
three different countries. Reflecting being Jewish. Another told us that her personal and professional connection
on this dream, I thought maybe my Jewish grandfather had converted to to our country, people and culture. It
own identity might also be more Christianity. “So what does that say is my view that this would be the most
complex than it seemed at first sight. about me?” she asked. “Am I Jewish or effective way to build bridges between
Christian?” “All my life I thought I was Jewish communities around the world.
So it was not at all surprising that Christian,” said another participant,
when Dutch Constellations facilitator “until I found out that my parents had “Do you feel isolated?” asked Kathy
and Shamanic practitioner Daan been hiding their Jewish roots.” from the USA, at dinner, after I had
van Kampenhout, told me about the shared this fantasy with her. I put my
Conference he was organising in Listening to them, I asked myself: as an fork down, looked at her and said:
Austria, something inside me opened, Israeli woman, what is my connection “Well, you know, I never thought about
even though at first I did not feel an to them and what is their connection this like that. Yes, I do feel isolated.
urge to go. Later, the universe, in its to Israel? What does it mean to be I feel that there is a great chasm
ever-enduring precision, guided me a Jew living outside of Israel and between Israel, being an isolated
through that open door. I had booked what does it mean to be a Jew living Jewish country in the Middle East, and
on a meditation retreat in India at within Israel? The author A.B. Joshua the other Jewish communities around
argued, in his debate with the Jewish the world. And among other things,

21
 this chasm is one of the major reasons Constellation. When he asked her for heart,” said Daan. Naomi caressed
for the perplexity that those who live the important family facts, she said: their cheeks and put their tears in her
outside of Israel feel, when attempting “My father came to Israel from Europe heart. Meanwhile, in the background
to understand the complexity of during the Second World War at the Daan was drumming and singing a
the political reality we live in.” age of eight. My mother was adopted verse from King Solomon’s song,
from an orphanage in Jerusalem ‘Great waters cannot extinguish the
I was born and raised an Israeli. as soon as she could walk. Once love’. Naomi breathed in these loving
I belong to the post-Holocaust someone told me that her parents people and cherished the memory
generation who were ‘designed’ to were in fact Germans who were living of their faces in her heart. “These
be different from the European Jew in Jerusalem at the time. I have also are the faces you will give to your
who was persecuted and murdered moved around between countries mother’s parents. They will represent
in the Shoa. We were brought up all my life.” “We have here a theme them for you,” said Daan. After a
to be rough, tough and resilient like about immigration,” said Daan. “So,” I few minutes Naomi returned to her
the Sabres fruit that is sweet and thought to myself, “here we are about family circle. Smiling, they all turned
soft inside, but thorny outside. We to see the life story of the wandering toward the representative of Israel.
were raised with our religion as an Jew who has difficulty putting down “Thank you for giving us a home,” they
affiliation rather than as a way of life. her roots in one place.” Naomi called told him excitedly. Naomi remained
Down the street from where I lived as two groups of people to the middle of standing in a loving embrace with
a child was a synagogue. My family the circle. The first group represented them after everyone had sat down.
never visited this place – not once. her father’s place of birth. The second
group represented Germany, and the Our Jewish identity has different
Religion to me was related mostly to layers. Our ancestors passed their
third group, with one man and one
religious blackmail in Israeli politics – a values, experiences and traditions
woman, represented the unknown.
religion which imposed unfair limits on to us. With this common tribal
with its laws and rejected anyone who “Someone is missing here,” she said background each one of us finds
was even slightly different. As for me, and chose a well-built man to represent himself or herself at a different
well I was looking for a universal God. Israel. She chose representatives place along the path of integrating
One day, when I sat down to talk with for her parents, her sister and a our differences. In Constellations
Swami Mahashananda (a Jewish man) representative for each of their souls. and Shamanic rituals, working with
in the Syddha Yoga ashram in India, They all stood in front of the three our ancestors, understanding their
I told him about a trip I had taken groups. “Now each soul will choose heritage, experiencing the way they
to Zefat in the north of Israel with a which group it would like to join,” lived and died, are all essential.
group of Kabbalah students. On the suggested Daan. Her father’s soul Among Asians, Indians and Africans,
way, when the Rabbi began reading went happily to his country of origin. a deep connection to ancestors is
out loud from the Bible, I felt my heart Naomi’s soul approached the German integral to life. For instance, in nearly
drawing away. You see, I was not group, but turned away from them every Chinese house, you will find
looking for Torah studies, but for the to the group that represented the a photograph of the parents of the
wisdom of the Kabbalah. He answered unknown. She stood there smiling. Her inhabitants next to a burning candle.
me and said: “Once your heart opens mother’s soul stood shivering in front This is not just for decoration. It is a
up, you can learn wisdom from every of the Germans. “I don’t feel safe,” she sanctuary, a place for reflecting, and
religion.” I knew he was right. said and turned back to stand with the asking for blessings and advice.
mother. The couple wept with pain.
The connection to Israel and to A Chinese friend, who had studied
“Go and meet them,” said Daan to
Judaism differs from person to person Constellations with me in Hong
Naomi. She started walking, but
and from country to country. How you Kong, would ask for help from her
stopped and looked at her mother.
deal with questions of identity and ancestors every time she was about
“I can’t. I need to check what is
belonging depends on your personality, to lead a Constellation workshop
happening with my mother.” She
but also on your nationality and the and would thank them each time her
looked at the representative for her
local culture you grew up with. It is work turned out to offer new insight
mother who was hugging her soul.
a different experience to be a Jew or was deeply moving. As an Israeli,
“I feel like her soul,” she said. “Of
in Europe, the USA or Israel, but the this idea was foreign to me. I could
course,” answered Daan, “she grew
Jews who live as minorities around relate to it only by seeing it in the
up without her biological parents.”
the world and the Israelis who live context of the reality for second and
Naomi continued looking and then she
as a Jewish minority in the Middle third generations to the Holocaust.
said: “This isn’t my place.” “Right,”
the knowing field

East probably share a common Gradually my heart opened up to

answered Daan. “So, I’m free,” she
experience of isolation and confusion. the possibility of a connection to my
said and her face lit up. Later she told
the group that at that moment she ancestors. Then, one day I managed
Naomi*, an Israeli facilitator, shared
felt as if she had been re-born. With to experience a full connection to them
her feelings on the subject with the
this new feeling she went towards the whilst dancing. Suddenly I sensed
group at the Conference. She said
weeping couple. “Take the water of my ancestors standing behind me
that she felt a constant restlessness.
life from their tears and put it in your and the next generation in front of
She asked Daan to facilitate her
me. I saw an image of a sand clock.
22
 the knowing field
In it I was the middle point. On the perpetrator. As I walked around within Constellation work for me was
one side I saw my ancestors, and on the Constellation, the representative universal knowledge, a healing force.
the other side – future generations. who stood for the part that rejected I didn’t identify it with a country or
This ancestral line with the life force Israel became small. The Jewish victim with a person. Nowadays it is still so,
flowing through each generation stood beside me like a shadow. The but reality kicked in (for some reason
stretched as far as the horizon. perpetrator stood in the middle in a I sigh when I write this) and added a
threatening way. Suddenly a woman few more aspects. I was exposed to
Daan Van Kampenhout (2008) wrote in got up from her chair and joined us. other forces that were operating in
his book ‘The Tears of the Ancestors’: As soon as I saw her, my body felt the field – behaviours that connected
drawn to stand beside her. After she me to my tribe, to the trauma of the
“having an identity based on personal
revealed what she was representing Holocaust. In addition, the Conference
experience instead of group’s
we all laughed. She had felt she in Vienna gave a place for issues
does not mean getting rid of the
needed to join us as a representative of that were specific to Jewish identify
tribal soul…The tribe, in its positive
sexuality. Just like that. Her presence and the energy changed from being
aspects, gives us strength, a sense
brought liveliness and lightness. As a an all inclusive, universal and lighter
of belonging and it links us to our
reaction to this, the victim left my side energy to a dense energy, more
ancestors. These are wonderful and
and stood next to religion. There we focused on my Jewish roots.
necessary aspects…..individuation
stood – perpetrator, Israel, sexuality
does not mean that the principle of With this identity as a Jewish Israeli
and the part that rejects Israel side by
a collective identification process woman in mind and heart, I then
side. This makes sense, I thought to
stops functioning, but that identity invited Dr. Albrecht Mahr to facilitate a
myself, aggression and the life force
becomes multi-layered.” (p. 198) workshop in Israel in August this year.
expressed through sexuality are two
dominant energies in Israel today.
On the first day of the workshop
“What does it matter – Jew, Christian, Dr. Mahr was sitting with an Israeli
Israeli, German, we are all humans,” woman for the initial interview. She
said someone as we stopped for a was sharing her story as a child to
break. Unfortunately, history has never Holocaust survivors. Suddenly she
allowed us to forget that we are Jewish. stopped and said, astonished to Dr.
We have been forced to remember. Mahr: “But you are one of them.”
Although religion and nationality may He looked at her and replied: “Yes,
be separated, and may even generate you are right. I am one of them and I
hostility, we must be aware of our roots just heard a message: ‘Do something
and stay connected to them, especially good with what we did’.” We were
if we want to be open to other all transfixed. We knew we were
influences later in life. Avoiding the witnessing an important moment in
place of connectedness can create a the German-Jewish field. After that, a
split in our soul. Having a connection to touching and powerful Constellation
our roots allows us to grow. Only from a about the effects of the Holocaust
place of connectedness and awareness on the third generation unfolded.
When Hans* from Switzerland asked
can we be free to choose what we
to do a constellation about his different In a way, with this workshop, a
wish to break free from and how.
Jewish identity components, and there circle was closed; Constellation
were six, we were not surprised. As One Friday morning I participated in for me was and is about spreading
the days of the Conference passed by, a Shabbat celebration in my son’s healing, love and hope.
I discovered that in almost each and anthroposophical pre-school. They
every one of us there exists an exiled Editor’s Note
all sang the song ‘Shabbat Angels’.
Jew, a universal Jew and an Israeli Jew. My body shivered and my heart *All the names of constellation
Hans invited representatives to stand opened. Now, almost three years participants have been changed
for the Jewish religion, a German-Jew, after returning to live in Israel I’m to protect their identity.
a victim, the part that rejects Israel, a looking for my Jewish roots as a
member of the Jewish community and secular Israeli living in the year 2009.
a Jewish-German before the Second
World War. He invited the people who How do I feel working with a method
were sitting in the holding circle to join that originated in Germany ? REFERENCES
in if they felt like they were part of the I studied Constellation in Hong Kong Van Kampenhout, D. (2008)
Constellation. Four more people joined with Jane Peterson from the USA. The Tears of the Ancestors.
the process. In the beginning I felt the At that time I was living amongst Zeig, Tucker & Theisen Inc.,
need to enter as a representative for expats and colleagues from all over Phoenix, Arizona, USA.
Israel. Someone else stood for the the world, so during those years
ancestors. A third became a Jewish

23
 The Trifecta
Alison Rose Levy

Alison Rose Levy, a health journalist, bestselling writer, and collective psychologist
for over twenty-five years, is a featured blogger on the Huffington Post and other
major websites, and has been called the “premiere U.S. health journalist” by
leading scientists. Currently, writing a book on collective health psychology , she
serves as Media Director of a non-profit organization with a health leadership
circle including Andrew Weil, Deepak Chopra, Larry Dossey, among others.
Alison leads family constellation workshops at the Anthroposophical Society,
Tibet House, and other NYC locations, as well as offering private sessions.

[email protected]
www.collectiveream.com
www.health-journalist.com

Despite my apparently typical American were overweight and overwrought In a way I did not understand, as a
suburban childhood, I recall knowing – throwbacks to our grandparents’ Jewish woman, I was the walking
from the age of two that people had generation. We rapidly turned the dial reminder of something undermining
been sent to the ovens in concentration away from now forgotten performers to the headlong rush to fit in as
camps. Before the age of five, I had like Gertrude Berg or Sophie Tucker. Americans – some sorrow, some
recurring dreams of being slid into They dripped with sentimentality, fear that exuded from me, that non-
the ovens myself, like a long loaf of which was called ‘schmaltz’, which Jewish men were untroubled by, but
bread. From the age of six, I knew meant ‘chicken fat’ in Yiddish. I saw that certain Jewish men detected
the exact bookshelf location of my no educated American girls like me. uneasily, because it compounded their
Dad’s scrapbook of pictures taken Although I never sought to submerge own lack of safety within American
at Dachau, which as an American my identity as a Jewess, neither culture, which they could flee, but
Jew in the U.S. Army he had helped was I sure how to inhabit it with which somehow I could not.
to liberate. I was forbidden to look confidence in the American context.
at this scrapbook, but did so once. As a young woman, I had no idea what
The images were so terrifying, so Then I grew up and began dating. inner horrors might arise if Jewish
inexplicable that I never repeated the Although free to date whomever men and women were to face each
experiment. But the fear, and the sense I wished, there was an unstated other in an intimate relationship, nor
that the outer world was dangerous, assumption that two people who why or how I had become the carrier
lived on in me like an early warning shared a Jewish background would of this fearsome thing. One thing I did
system, readily triggered by perceived have more in common, serving as know: when it came to Jewish religious
threats, sometimes even slight ones. a solid basis for a relationship. But observance, inside the suburban
I found that in many instances, my synagogues of my child and adulthood,
My non-observant Jewish family being Jewish was not an asset. In I could not find spiritual support within
lived in a predominantly Episcopalian fact, it was a repellent. Most of the a club that wanted me as a member,
neighbourhood, and despite parental Jewish men I encountered in my dating but didn’t know where to seat me.
reminders that I was Jewish, there years went on to marry non-Jewish
was little context for being a Jewess. wives, some of whom even converted I therefore sought refuge in Eastern
I therefore looked outward to the to Judaism, rapidly becoming more teachings, which helped me to
popular media to understand what devout than I was. It was as if Jewish acknowledge the grief I carried inside
it meant – but the images reflected men wanted to be Jewish, and they with some ease and dignity. And it
back to me were not affirming. wanted their children to be Jewish, was while living in India that I met
but this delightful Jewish experience my Jewish husband, someone with
American television welcomed our did not include a Jewish wife. whom I could just as easily kvetch,
the knowing field

clever Jewish menfolk, but I rarely Whether it was the instinctual drive to joke, do New York Times crossword
saw favourable images of Jewish expand the gene pool, the security of puzzles, chant Sanskrit, chat about
womanhood. Comedians, like Jack acceptance as an American, or simply transcendence, and hold hands.
Benny, George Burns, or Mel Brooks a more basic fear, I couldn’t say.
entered our living room, but none Yet I still didn’t fully understand the
of them had Jewish wives. Instead source of the grief I carried, until
the Jewish women on television I encountered Bert Hellinger and

24
 the knowing field
systemic family constellation work – enemies and lost comrades of a Dad Recently, Mom told me how sad she
after a twenty year search into, and and a grandfather, who were war was at all that I carried. But I told her
practice of, a wide range of healing heroes in two different wars. Along I am not sad. I am joyful. My life has
and psychological modalities. I was with liberating Dachau, and directing been all about healing. What a great
so moved by constellation work, that I Föhrenwald, Dad fought in the Battle gift that is. In addition, I never had
invited family members – my husband of the Bulge. I call them his ‘trifecta’. to do a single constellation about
and brother to join me in this work. My maternal grandfather fought in Mom. Once these things moved,
the trenches in the First World War. all the healing that needed to occur
Although I had lived in India, travelled happened between her and me,
to Africa and the Middle East, and In a constellation with Stephan directly. Mom is a healer herself, and
made many trips to Europe, like most Hausner, I was able to face my father I am following in her footsteps.
American Jews, I was not exactly for the first time, and take a baby
rushing to visit Germany. My first trip step towards him: the first of many Because of all of this, I’ve always been
was to attend a training at Zist 1 in steps that continue to this day. The drawn to receive spiritual teachings
2001. When Bert Hellinger learned ritual facilitated for me over this from teachers of compassion,
that, following the Second World recent Rosh Hashana by Daan van principally Buddhist lamas. For well
War, at the tender age of 23, our Kampenhout is too recent to describe. over twenty years, I’ve regularly
Dad had directed Föhrenwald, the received teachings from the Dalai
second largest Displaced Person Lama. One year, as I rode the New
camp in Germany, Bert asked
Harald Hohnen to take my family to
As I began York subways to His Holiness’ talks,
I read Viktor Frankl’s classic book:
the nearby site. It was amazing to researching the Man’s Search for Meaning (originally
walk with my husband and brother published in 1946 under a different
through a place that had become Holocaust, I found title). I can’t explain exactly how it
somehow sacred and mythical to me strength in finally happened, but as I sat before His
Holiness, I had an epiphany in which
from Dad’s frequent reminiscences
about it, and to see that it was real. being able to bear somehow Frankl’s wisdom and
Buddhist wisdom merged. My Dad
Over many decades, whenever Dad sat witness. had what I call his ‘trifecta’. And I have
at the head of the family dinner table mine: my essence as a Jewish woman,
and recounted his stories of running constellation work, and Buddhism. I
Föhrenwald, everyone else at the table feel such gratitude when I realise that
thought that he was a world class bore. as a seeker I could not have chosen
Why couldn’t he be a regular good- As constellation work revealed what a more moving, rewarding path.
guy American father instead of the Dad carried, I began to understand
intense man that he was? Looking at what I carried too. As the people I’ve come to see that the intensity
him shortsightedly through the lens of who had lived as shadows within within me that had way back then
our American-ness, we couldn’t really my psyche were embodied and repelled Jewish men, as if I were a
see him – because we had no context revealed via constellations, I could carrier of the contagion of sorrow –
within which to understand him. turn around and face what I had
fled: Dad, the Holocaust and an
We didn’t understand that he had
a prior family: the people from the
embodied connection to myself as
Jewish. As I began researching the
When I sit with
camps. Every constellation ever
done for my family revealed the
Holocaust, I found strength in finally the client and
being able to bear witness. I went
same thing: Dad with the survivors to films and documentaries about listen as they
for whom he cared at that tender
age – and for the rest of his life.
the Holocaust and its aftermaths, recount their
with a German friend and we cried
I can see four constellations: the
together. And little by little, step issue, it’s a simple
first done by Heinz Stark, in which I
by step, I found that embracing all
of this brought me a little closer to
human moment
had at first naïvely wondered, why is
Dad facing away from us? What is
Dad. Carrying all that, of course he where we are
hadn’t been safe, but I could now
he looking at? Then there was one
move towards him. With each step, open in heart and
facilitated by Hunter Beaumont for
a colleague and friend in the work,
my relationships have improved and bearing witness
my world has become a safer, more
with which I so strongly resonated;
as if it were my constellation. In that
enriching place. Protective, supportive together.
relationships have manifested and
one, all workshop participants, except
blossomed encouraging me in my
for me and my brother, were in the
life, my journey, and my work.
constellation, representing the victims,

25
 was a great gift. It was this very without awareness that they are grasp that suffering and use it as fuel
sorrow that opened my heart in doing so. Bearing witness to that to illuminate the way to the heart.
compassion. It is that same sorrow requires me to do ongoing work with
that allows me to feel and respect the the anger and fear that come up in When I was little, I recall imitating
suffering of others, forming the basis me when I encounter the hardening the expressions of my Lithuanian
of my practice of constellation work. attitude that typifies the perpetrator. Jewish grandmother, who in a
In this way, my Jewish experience heavy Yiddish accent, used to
of victimisation is the ground of my regularly say: “Oy, oy, oy.”
work. I stand strong in it. This gives
safety to both Jews and Germans, It was feeling I was told not to say that, but to
say: “Oh, oh, oh,” which was more
and all people of all backgrounds who ashamed for the American. At a recent workshop,
are entangled with these issues.
suffering that Daan van Kampenhout had us singing
and dancing to: “Oy, oy, oy.” It felt
But for me, the core of constellation
work is what the Buddhists call diminished me. so good. And frankly, I challenge
anyone, Jewish or not, to look at the
‘presence’. When I sit with the client
and listen as they recount their issue,
Embracing that current state of our world, and not
it’s a simple human moment where suffering restored to say: “Oy, oy, oy,” every so often.
we are open in heart and bearing
witness together. I’m sure that many
me to resonance Recalling the words John F. Kennedy
who for a single hour declared
of us who practise this work (as well with my Jewish himself: ‘ein Berliner’, I offer a
as other forms of healing practice)
experience that, and one gift of healing soul recollection for all who wish to sample
being Jewish for a moment as one
work is providing a ground for that
piquant, sweet and sour flavour
way of being with others. Progressively
on the world’s smorgasbord.
reconciling the victim entanglements
within myself has opened my heart to If I can be present to my own sadness, As I stood on a New York City
people with all kinds of victimisation pain, fear, anger, numbness, which street, a van parked and out
issues. Some have estimated that up the Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron tumbled some Chasidic Jews to
to 25% of the U.S. population have (2002), calls “being an unconditional recruit Jews back to Judaism.
suffered some form of abuse in the friend to yourself,” then I can serve
family. And abuse can also take subtle as an ally, witness, and unconditional A seven-year old boy came up to me
forms. For example, the imposition friend to the client. It’s through this type and in a cute Yiddish accent asked:
of medical treatments in the U.S. can of resonance that I detect potential loci “Are you by any chance Jewish?”
constitute a form of abuse, as can for their systemic entanglements which
“Yes!” I said with eyes wide with
attitudes about adoption that presume the constellation can then confirm,
amazement and asked him: “Are
that becoming part of an affluent specify, and move towards resolution.
you by any chance Jewish?”
American family is automatically a life
superior to one at a lower economic For me, being Jewish has been a
“Yes!” he responded, utterly
level in one’s native land and culture. great path to these understandings. It
delighted at being seen.
American business values that instil was feeling ashamed for the suffering
“I win-you lose” distortions into that diminished me. Embracing that So my question to you, dear reader,
human exchanges are inherently suffering restored me to resonance is this: With one tiny part of your
perpetrating, and not uncommon. with my Jewish soul. For me, the soul, wherever your own roots,
movement came about first with are you by any chance Jewish?
I also have a heart for perpetrators; a loving embrace of my inner core
and quite apart from the specifically and roots, and from there came Notes:
Jewish-German dynamic, engaging a natural movement to unfurl, to 1
Zist was the original venue for the
with the challenging victim-perpetrator expand, to reach out and embrace annual Intensive for Constellation
dialogue is crucial in our times. Rather all who suffer, who feel, who are. Work which takes place near Munich.
than being Jewish or German per se,
the perpetrators I see in practice are It’s obvious that Jews are not the
more likely to be wealthy individuals only ones in the world to suffer, to
fear for their survival, their sanity, REFERENCES
or people from wealthy families or
the knowing field

the excluded from wealthy families, the lives of loved ones – to face the
Chodron, P. (2002) The Places
who may be identified with victims or challenges of life on Planet Earth.
That Scare You. Shambhala
with perpetrators, or quite commonly,
So what holds true for me as a
with both in their family systems. Frankl, V. (1946) Man’s
Jewess, is true for any victim-identified
Many people perceive themselves Search for Meaning.
person. For any of us who accept
as victims but act as perpetrators
the badge of suffering, let us fully

26
 the knowing field
Family Constellations
and the Kabbalah
Dan Booth Cohen, Ph.D.

Dr. Dan Booth Cohen is the author of I Carry Your Heart in My Heart:
Family Constellations in Prison and numerous articles and book chapters
about Constellations. He facilitates Constellations for individuals and
organizations in groups, one-on-one, and via Skype. His longstanding
involvement with German-Jewish-Palestinian relations led him to train with
Bert Hellinger and others starting in 2000. He regularly works in Europe,
especially Germany where he leads workshops on the topic: Responsibility
and Healing: Who Among Us Dares to Console? He is Program Chair for
the 2010 US Conference on Systemic Constellations.
[email protected]
www.hiddensolution.com

My introduction to Family Constellation After Jewish facilitators learned the the losses are immense and the grief
grew from a lifelong interest in Constellation process from their unbearable. The descendants see their
the seeds of ethnic conflict. As a German teachers, a new set of issues as part of a much larger mosaic
Jewish American born after the Nazi questions emerged. Two millennia of loss and suffering that seemingly
Holocaust and creation of the State of dispersion and persecution weigh has no boundaries either in space
of Israel, I learned from an early age heavily on the collective Jewish soul. or time. Then, the question appears:
that being Jewish meant having In the silence of our dreams, in our Who among us dares to console?
enemies determined to destroy me. restless thoughts, in the darkest
Becoming a peacemaker as an adult places in our hearts, the terrible Sometimes the answer comes to us
was largely motivated by the urge for experiences that befell our fathers dramatically and sometimes subtly.
self-preservation. Was it possible to be and mothers, grandparents, aunts, The ancestors dare to console. They
Jewish and have friendly relations with uncles, and cousins live on inside us. grieve when we take their suffering as
Germans, Arabs, and others who felt our own. They shower us with light,
threatening? In 1980, after serving as Holocaust survivor Nelly Sachs in her love, and blessings when we take
a strategic planning consultant to the poem: ‘Chorus of Consolers’, wrote our good life and reconnect with joy.
Director of the Los Alamos Laboratory of a cherub, standing amidst lightning Ancestors love us for being alive and
(the US military lab where the atom strikes of grief, who holds open the breathing. Their message is to not
bomb was invented), a second edges of a wound that is not allowed sacrifice, atone, or seek revenge for
question emerged: Could humanity as to heal. Many contemporary Jews them. We can fall into their arms and
a whole survive nuclear weaponry? And connect to this sentiment at a very weep. They hold us. They console us.
in particular, could Israel manage its deep level. We embrace suffering to
keep the spirits of our loved ones Working as a Jewish-American
nuclear arsenal without being provoked
alive, as if wholeness and joy betray facilitator in Germany, it feels like
into creating another Holocaust?
the memories of those who struggled I am able to take the movements
Central to Bert Hellinger’s evolution of and died. The poem asks: “Who further than more knowledgeable
the Family Constellation process was among us dares to console?” and experienced Germans. Among
the brutality and destructiveness of Germans, there is a taboo against
the Nazi era – especially the German In the past year, I have led full and complete acceptance of the
people’s acquiescence to the ‘Final Constellation groups in Wolfratshausen, life and breath received from those
Solution to the Jewish Problem’. Nürnberg, and Berlin in Germany, parents or grandparents who were
One could postulate that Hellinger organised around this question. virulent Nazis. The wound must be
created Constellations because the The participants have been mostly held open lest it appear the living
existing tools at his disposal as a Germans, often the one child who is condone or even celebrate their
Roman Catholic priest and classically attuned to the crimes of the family. murderous ancestors. I do not feel
trained psychoanalyst were insufficient so constrained. Even though I have
The Constellation always begins with suffered harsh criticism from some
to answer this urgent question:
a real person and a real issue. As the Jewish colleagues for leading these
“How can the Germans handle representatives feel into their roles and Constellations, I, too, dare to console.
their guilt towards the Jews?” the field forms, a pervading darkness
(Hellinger, 2003, p. 17) spreads through the room. Quite often

27
 This, of course, brings me closer to a revival of interest in Kabbalistic until the mid-20th century that the
my own Jewish ancestors. It leads teachings centred in the town of Kabbalah once again experienced a
me to a scholarly inquiry about the Safed in Palestine and the 16th century popular renaissance. (Buber, 1958;
parallels and gaps between the master Kabbalist Isaac of Luria. In Jung, 1963; Scholem, 1960; 1965).
philosophy of Family Constellation the early 18th century, the oral and
as articulated by its German creators written tradition experienced a brief The philosophical kinship between
and the traditions of Jewish spiritual period of increased popularity with the Constellations and Kabbalah can be
values and mysticism. Despite my founding of the Hasidic movement. seen in three areas: the acceptance
well-documented heresies against of non-linear connectivity, the
the major US Jewish organisations By the beginning of the 19th century, principle of inclusiveness, and the
and Israeli military policies (Cohen, Kabbalistic knowledge and practice attitude toward collective authority
2005, 2007, 2009a, 2009b), I have was largely in retreat, swept away by and the sanctity of revelation.
a Jewish soul which informs and urbanisation, industrialisation, and
the Jewish Enlightenment. Among One (Hellinger et al., 1998) initial insight
inhabits all the Constellations I am in.
the emerging intelligentsia of German that diverged from an individualistic
Are Constellations radically new or Jews, the Kabbalah was seen as a perspective of psychology was that
a re-discovery of something old? “foul and errant stream in the Jewish each family member shares a common
Undoubtedly, they represent a radical current.” (Hoffman, 1981, p. 39). Under destiny with more distant relations:
departure from cognitive, behavioural, the onslaught of harsh criticism,
“Whatever is done by, or happens
and analytic psychology. Does the most notably from the definitive
to, a member of our family group,
discovery of representative perception, 11-volume History of the Jews (Graetz,
whether for good or for ill, touches
systemic entanglements, and healing 1895), the Kabbalah was largely
us and also all the others. Together
movements represent an advance forgotten for several generations.
with our family, we form a fellowship
in knowledge or a re-discovery of
sharing a common fate.” (p. 150).
universal principles that were errantly
discarded and largely forgotten? Despite my well- In a mechanistic cosmology,
individuals can be touched, whether
The Kabbalah is the storehouse documented physically or emotionally, only if
of Jewish mystical wisdom. It has
been called: “an immense – if at
heresies against there is a sensory medium through
which to transmit contact. The touch
first bewildering – treasure house the major between parents and children cannot
of psychological insight.” (Hoffman,
1981, p. vii). The Constellation US Jewish literally penetrate brick walls. The
proposition that it can (Cohen, 2006),
process does not derive from ancient
texts or mystical revelations but it
organisations and while fanciful to empirically oriented
psychological researchers, is basic
too is at first a bewildering treasure Israeli military to the Kabbalistic worldview:
house of psychological insight. If
one can find scant corroboration
policies, I have “The most fundamental principle
of the principles that emerge in a Jewish soul of Judaism’s entire visionary way
Constellations in the mainstream is that the cosmos is a coherent
psychology, one can in the interpreted which informs and and meaningful whole. Each aspect
writings of Kabbalah scholars.
inhabits all the of creation is vitally connected to
everything else.” (Hoffman, 1981, p.45).
The oral traditions of mystical Judaism Constellations I
trace their origins to the religion A second aspect of the Constellation
of the ancient desert Hebrews. am in. experience that finds validation in
According to Feldman (2001): Kabbalistic philosophy is the general
direction of what Constellation
“The universal mystical spirituality of
The broad cultural movements facilitators call healing movements. The
the children of Abraham is a robust,
expressed in the foundations of central myth of the Lurianic Kabbalah is
precious, and little known heritage
scientific psychology were strongly “concentrated in three great symbols,
upon which the fabric of the Judaic,
materialistic. The early Jewish the tsimtsum, or self-limitation of
Christian, Islamic, and perhaps even
psychologists, most prominently God, the shevirah, or breaking of
the Tantric religions are woven.” (p.23).
Freud, followed the popular trend the vessels, and the tikkun olam, or
the knowing field

The primary written texts of the of the late 19th century toward harmonious correction and mending
Kabbalah include the Hebrew Torah, secularisation. Freud subscribed of the world.” (Sholem, 1965, p.110).
other Hebrew texts from the first two to “an extreme form of positivism,
Simply stated, this myth contends
millennia B.C.E., and the Zohar, first which considered religion dangerous
that (1) God has withdrawn from
published in 11th century Spain. The and metaphysics superfluous.”
ordinary human sensory perception;
expulsion of Jews from Spain initiated (Ellenberger, 1970, p. 525). It was not
(2) at the moment of creation, there

28
was a shattering of light that caused The healing movement is based A third aspect of Constellations that
sparks to scatter throughout the on the principle of inclusiveness. It resonates with Kabbalistic philosophy
universe with one spark invisibly restores excluded members of the is the attitude toward collective
embedded in each living creature; family system to their rightful places, authority, interpretation, and the
and (3) the task of redemption is honours the suffering they endured, sanctity of revelation. Both Lurianic
to gather these sparks together in and humbly asks them to look Kabbalah and Constellations emerged
the spirit of healing, repairing, and favourably on the living family member outside of the boundaries of their
transforming the world. (Lerner, 1992). who has unconsciously become respective authoritative orthodoxies:
entangled in their fate. Reflecting
In this tradition: the symbol of tikkun olam, the basic “When Israel Baal-Shem, the 18th
movement is always to restore whoever century founder of Polish Hasidism,
“It is the duty of every man to strive to put forward the mystical thesis
belongs to their rightful place.
‘release the holy spark’ from the lower that communion with God is more
creations and bring that spark back to The common root of mystical traditions important than the study of books,
the Godhead.” (Unger, 1929, p. 391). in pre-rabbinic Kabbalah, Islam, it aroused considerable opposition
Christianity, Hinduism, and Buddhism and was cited in all the anti-Hasidic
In a typical Constellation, after
is the tenets of unity and the primacy of polemics as proof of the movement’s
presenting an issue, the client sets up
love. The expression of this principle of subversive and anti-Rabbinical
family representatives in a configuration
inclusion is “seeing the Divine Source tendencies.” (Scholem, 1965, p. 25).
that represents dysfunction, alienation,
in all beings: ‘And thou shalt love
or estrangement, a system that Hellinger did not set out to be any
thy neighbour as thyself’.” (Feldman,
symbolically resembles shevirah, a sort of heretical revolutionary, either
2001, p. 219). Although the words are
broken vessel. Once the representatives in regard to the dissolution of his
familiar, Hellinger (2007) commented
are placed and attuned to their vows as a Roman Catholic priest
that the commandment to love thy
positions, very often one or more of or his steady divergence from the
neighbour has been distorted by the
them will aim their visual focus toward practices of empirically supported
portrayal of the God who commands
the horizon or the ground. The facilitator psychotherapy. He simply adopted
this love as the exclusive deity of a
may then add a representative to a phenomenological stance that
particular sect or religious group. In
meet this gaze. Allowing the feelings, was out of favour with the times:
this interpretation, the neighbour is
perceptions, and movements of these
only the neighbour who belongs to
representatives to unfold frequently “I disregard common assumptions
the group. If God shifted from the
reveals that one or more members as much as I can and I open myself
exclusive deity of an in-group to an
of the family have been shunned, up to reality as it is revealed and as it
inclusive God-of-all, with everything
excluded, or forgotten. The principle changes over time. Then I wait and see
connected, everyone belonging,
is ‘everyone in the system has an whether something emerges suddenly,
and no one claiming God as their
equal right to belong, and no member like a flash of lightning, which seems
exclusive deity, the Commandment
can deny another his or her place’.” essentially true and throws some light
would be understood as “and you
(Hellinger et al., 1998, p.153). on the situation.” (Hellinger, 2003b) p.4).
shall love your neighbouring country
like your own and the religion of
your neighbours like your own.”
29
 Although such instantaneous and “The thing that gets me upset every always regarded the aleph as the
individualised visions abound in so often is the word ‘wacky’ written spiritual root, the source of the Word
the annals of scientific discovery in conjunction with what I do. . . . and all elements of human discourse.
and religious mysticism, defenders You’re wacky before you succeed.
of orthodoxy necessarily embrace Afterwards, you’re a genius.” (as “With his daring statement that the
common creeds and disregard cited in Brown, 1998, p.300). actual revelation to Israel consisted only
inspirational flashes of insight. The of the aleph, Rabbi Mendel transformed
tension between individual insight and The phenomenological stance of the revelation on Mount Sinai into a
the collected storehouse confronted the Constellator radically rejects the mystical revelation. . . . In this light
the 12th century Kabbalists, who first compromise with mainstream authority. every statement on which authority
assembled their own cannon. When Like Giegerich (2007) and Thompson is grounded would become a human
faced with the inherent conflict in (1981), Hellinger asserted that scientific interpretation.” (Scholem, 1965, p.30).
diverging from rabbinic commentaries psychology, as much as religion,
inhabits a realm of archaic, mythical Hellinger’s (2003b) argument
on the Torah and Prophets, their
imagery that claims it can silence our against the hegemony of religious
compromise was to establish a
anxieties by a kind of superstitious and scientific orthodoxy states:
hierarchy of revelations whereby
“the first revelation expressing the naïveté. In doing so, Hellinger aligned
“There is no evidence that he who
fundamental contents of a religion is himself with one of the great 17th
receives the revelation speaks for
the highest in rank. Each successive century Hasidic saints, Rabbi Mendel
anyone but himself and that the
revelation is lower in rank and of Rymanov. (Scholem, 1965).
disciple to whom he preaches, can
less authoritative than the last.” in the end only believe in him.”
The revelation given to Moses on
(Scholem, 1965, p.19). By bowing (p.5, emphasis in original).
Mount Sinai contained the Ten
to the authority, they were able to
Commandments. It stands as the
put new wine into old bottles. With the application of this argument
defining moral statement that serves as
to his therapeutic stance, flashes of
In the scientific age, this compromise the bedrock for Judaism, Christianity,
insight are neither divine revelation
becomes increasingly fragile and and Islam. The sages asked: What
nor are they necessarily wacky. They
uneasy. To the rabbinate, the highest is the truly divine element in this
should not be accepted nor embraced
ranking and most authoritative revelation? According to the Talmud,
without being tested in their particulars.
revelations were received by Moses only the first two Commandments:
Nor should they be invalidated simply
on Mount Sinai, and all subsequent “I am the Lord thy God” and “Thou
because they conflict with more
prophetic revelations stand in shalt have no other gods before
popular views, which themselves
descending rank. This structure is me” (Exodus 20: 2-3) were spoken
derive from some older, more
exactly the opposite of scientific directly to the children of Israel.
revered authority’s flash of insight.
philosophy, which claims older Maimonides (1956) refined this further;
knowledge to be more primitive the people heard inarticulate sounds With this orientation it becomes
and more recent discoveries to be and only Moses comprehended the possible for a Jewish Constellator
most accurate and refined. The words and communicated them. to honour and follow Jewish
conservative bows down before tradition while simultaneously
Hellinger (2003b) rejected the
the patriarchs; the progressive being oppositional towards Jewish
authority of such religions, arguing:
claims, “If I have seen further, it is institutions. I read the introductory
by standing on the shoulders of “God will entrust this revelation to no statement in Love’s Hidden Symmetry
giants.” (Newton, 1697/2006, p.1). one else. All others are excluded from − “the worst injustices and atrocities
such revelation, and God has ordained are committed by those acting in
In practice however, as Giegerich good conscience” − as sanctioning
it so for all time. He who receives the
(2007) and Thompson (1981) my bad conscience towards the US
revelation is thereby elevated above
convincingly argued, contemporary Jewish community’s mainstream.
his disciples, but in fact he also
institutions that elevate scientific Paradoxically, I am able to do so
elevates himself above the God whose
knowledge to the highest rank maintain in good conscience to the mystical
gospel he purports to preach.” (p.5).
the essential pre-occupation with elements of Judaism which hold the
defending dogma and orthodoxy. The Kabbalist Rabbi Mendel of heretic and iconoclast in high esteem.
Those who admit to operating from Rymanov drew essentially the same
flashes of insight or claim to be conclusion. He took Maimonides’
standing on the shoulders of giants
the knowing field

(1965) interpretation to its furthest

are quickly lassoed to the ground. conclusion, that not even the first
Radin confessed that the idea that two Commandments were revealed
launched him on twenty years of directly to the whole people of Israel.
scientific research into the conscious All Israel heard was the aleph (alpha),
universe came in a flash of inspiration: the sound from the larynx when a word
begins with a vowel. The Kabbalists

30
 the knowing field
REFERENCES
Brown, C. (1998) Afterwards you’re a Genius: Faith, medicine, and the metaphysics of healing. Riverhead, New York, USA.
Buber, M. (1958) Hasidism and modern man (M. Friedman, Trans.) Horizon, New York, USA.
Cohen, D. B. (2005) Begin with the work: Family Constellations and Larger Systems. In J. E. Lynch &
S. Tucker (Eds.), Messengers of Healing: The Family Constellations of Bert Hellinger through the eyes
of a new generation of practitioners (pp. 117-141). Zeig, Tucker & Theisen, Phoenix, AZ, USA.
Cohen, D. B. (2006) “Family Constellations”: An innovative systemic phenomenological group process from
Germany. The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 14, pp.226-233.
Cohen, D. B. (2006a) I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart: Family Constellations in
Prison. The Knowing Field: International Constellations Journal 8, pp.43-48.
Cohen, D. B. (2007) Israel and Palestine: The search for Peace. The Knowing
Field: International Constellations Journal 11, pp.21-22.
Cohen, D.B. (2009a) Responsibility and Healing at Camp Föhrenwald, Wolfratshausen,
Germany. Retrieved from www.danboothcohen.blogspot.com.
Cohen, D.B. (2009b) Meine Untreue zum Stamm (My disloyalty to the group) (S. Stecker, Trans.). Praxis
der Systemaufstellung: Beiträge zu Lösungen in Familien und Organistaionen 1/2009, pp.29-31.
Ellenberger, H. (1970) The Discovery of the Unconscious: The history and
evolution of dynamic psychiatry. Basic, New York, USA.
Feldman, D. H. (2001) Qabalah: The mystical heritage of the children of
Abraham. Work of the Chariot, Santa Cruz, CA, USA.
Giegerich, W. (2007) Technology and the soul: From the nuclear bomb to the
World Wide Web. Spring Journal. New Orleans, LA, USA.
Graetz, H. (1895) History of the Jews. Jewish Publication Society of America, Philadelphia, USA.
Hellinger, B. (2003) Farewell: Family Constellations with descendants of victims and perpetrators.
(C. Beaumont, Trans.). Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag, Heidelberg, Germany.
Hellinger, B. (2003a) Peace begins in the Soul: Family constellations in the service of
reconciliation (C. Beaumont, Trans.). Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag, Heidelberg, Germany.
Hellinger, B. (2003b) Psychotherapy and Religion. Systemic Solutions Bulletin 4, pp.4-9.
Hellinger, B. (2007) With God in Mind. Berchtesgaden, Hellinger, Germany.
Hellinger, B., Weber, G., & Beaumont, H. (1998) Love’s Hidden Symmetry: What makes
love work in relationships. Zeig, Tucker and Theisen, Phoenix, AZ., USA.
Hoffman, E. (1981) The way of splendor: Jewish mysticism and modern psychology. Shambhala, Boulder, CO, USA.
Jung, C. G. (1963) Jung collected works: Mysterium Coniunctionis (Vol. 14, R. F.
C. Hull, Trans.) Princeton University Press, Princeton, NJ, USA.
Lerner, M. (1992) To heal, repair and transform the World. Tikkun, San Francisco, USA.
Maimonides, M. (1956) The Guide for the Perplexed. Dover Courier, New York, USA.
Newton, I. (2006) Letter to Robert Hooke. University of St. Andrews Quotations of Isaac Newton. Retrieved December
3, 2008, from http://www-history.mcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/Quotations/Newton.html (Original work published 1697).
Scholem, G. G. (1960) Jewish Gnosticism, Merkabeh Mysticism and Talmudic tradition. Schocken, New York, USA.
Scholem, G. G. (1965) On the Kabbalah and its Symbolism. (R. Manheim, Trans.). Schocken, New York, USA.
Thompson, W. I. (1981) The Time falling bodies take to Light: Mythology, sexuality, and the origins of culture.
St. Martin’s, New York, USA.
Unger, M. (1965) How the Rabbi of Kalev freed a song (E. Robbin, Trans.). In L. W. Schwarz, (Ed.), The Jewish caravan
(Rev. and enlarged ed., pp. 373-377). Holt, Rinehart and Winston, New York, USA. (Original work published 1929).

31
 Constellations
An Enquiry into the Role of Domestic
Pets in Systemic Constellations
Kari Drageset

Kari Drageset works part-time as a physiotherapist. She is certified to facilitate

systemic constellations by the European Academy for System Constellations/
Hellinger Institute in Norway. At the moment she is taking the Supervision
training at the Hellinger Institute in Norway. She has completed training in
the facilitation of astrological constellations at the Momentumn Institute
in Oslo. Kari offers individual systemic counselling. Together with Gestalt
therapist and certified systemic constellations facilitator Elisabeth F. Lund
Kari has offered workshops in constellations in Oslo for three years.

www.drageset.net
[email protected]

This article is an extract from a project of reconnecting with the twin and freeze response that Peter Levine
submitted in May 2009 as part of my expressing love and grief about its (1997) describes in ‘Waking the Tiger’.
training in systemic constellations. death seems to have an impact on the Trauma symptoms may begin with
client. It enhances her understanding the immobility or freezing response,
Foreword of her feelings of inexplicable longing, which is a defence mechanism.
While walking a dog it occurred to me grief and guilt. It seems likely that
different entanglements will appear In two constellations the
that our domestic pets may have a role
in future pet constellations while in representatives put much emphasis
in systemic constellations. I formulated
some constellations we will experience on skin-to-skin contact. My theory
the following question: Is it possible
that sometimes pets are just pets. is that cell memory is activated in
that our pets can be representatives of
the constellation by the physical
missing family members? When Bert
The Method and Theory contact, and the memory of the twin is
Hellinger was in Oslo in April 2007 I
behind Pet Constellations reactivated. Following this there is an
had the opportunity to ask him this
exchange of a very special love when
question. His answer was: “Of course.” “For animals, humans function as
the surviving twin and unborn twin
substitute parents or pack leaders.
In exploring this idea I have discovered reconnect. I have not seen this kind of
For many people, animals are
that what seems to be important is love in ordinary family constellations.
substitute parents, children, siblings
the depth of the relationship. The It encompasses the siblings and
or friends. Deep bonds can develop
intensity of love for the animal, the often includes everyone in the group,
between humans and animals, and
intensity of the fear of losing the pet, seeming to extend far beyond us.
therefore entangled bonding relations
and the intensity of the grief when it are also possible between humans In two of the constellations the clients
dies or disappears is beyond what one and animals.” (Ruggeberg and had great difficulty leaving the dead
would consider normal in relation to an Ruggeberg in Ruppert, 2008, p.35). sibling in order to get on with their
animal. Behind this intensity are often
lives. I notice this in the interview
a loss trauma and an entanglement. Sometimes animals take the place
sometimes. Some clients are so full
The pet can represent someone we of an excluded family member and
of longing, missing someone and
have lost, and the love and pain become entangled in the system.
searching for something or someone,
that are connected to this loss. The pet constellation resembles
without knowing what or whom. It is
a symptom constellation, as the
To carry out the project I offered easy to understand that it is hard to
representative for the pet often
constellations to people who had a leave a newly found, long lost and
appears more like a person, or points
special relationship to their pets. I deeply missed sibling. After meeting
in the direction of a solution.
set up a representative for the client, the twin in the constellation, something
the knowing field

and one for the pet. In three of the What I saw in three of the pet in their appearance seems to settle.
five constellations the pet turned out constellations described in this article
It was easy to see when the
to be a representative for the client’s is that losing a sibling in the womb
entanglement was uncovered in a pet
unborn twin. When a twin is born can create an existential entanglement
constellation, as the representative
alone, the experience of the death of and a loss trauma. Two of my clients
for the animal sat or lay down. At
a sibling in the womb may cause a had the same reaction of feeling stiff
this point the representative has
prenatal loss trauma. The experience and paralysed. This is part of the

32
 the knowing field
served her role as an animal, and At this point I consider breaking off Reflections
the client and facilitator have come the interview because of the strength
The cat had become a representative
closer to understanding the hidden of my own emotions. However, after
of the client’s twin who had died in
dynamic of the constellation. a while I decide to go on, and the
the womb, and it reminded the client
client chooses a representative for
According to Rupert Sheldrake (1999), of the dead sibling. This could be
herself and a man for the cat.
people have held cats as pets for 5,000 called an existential entanglement.
years, and dogs even longer than that. The representatives are set up with The client survived and the sibling
In ancient Egypt there were graveyards the Cat standing with his back to died. Although the client did not
for embalmed dogs and cats. The the Client, about 2 metres away. The cause her sibling’s death she may, at
first record of a horse being ridden, representative for the Client says that some deeper level, feel responsible
in Egypt, is from around 1500 BC. In the representative for the Cat is in the and guilty. She may also feel guilt for
other words, humans have a history right place because the Cat is on his having survived while her twin died.
of close relationships to dogs, cats way out, and it is easy to look at his In this constellation the representatives
and horses. There is a long tradition of back when he stands like that. The Cat were confused when there was a
communication with animals, especially moves away to the left side of the field shift and the cat turned out to be a
by shamans in tribal societies. and out of sight of his owner. After he representative for the twin. There were
has moved away it is impossible for signs along the way of what might
This is no doubt the case today. Many the Client to look at him and she just be coming. In the interview, when
people communicate with their animals, looks at the ground and says that she the client said she was worried that
as humans have done for thousands of feels lost. The Cat looks restless, and the cat might disappear and die, she
years. For some people their animals wants to be seen. The Client reports unveiled a fear of abandonment going
are substitutes, or representatives, that she feels like she is in a dark fluid back to the time of the womb. There
for missing siblings, aborted children, place that feels round, and that she is was also a point in the constellation
parents and special friends. There can looking at the empty space that the when the representative for the client
also be other entanglements. Perhaps Cat has left behind by moving away. felt lost – when the cat disappeared
the representative for the animal can I ask how old she is in that feeling. from her view. This may have been
open the door to the trauma in a “It is like from the beginning of time,” the point when the twin died.
pet constellation. This may start the and she holds her hands about 15cm
process needed to transform a loss from each other to show how big she I now recognise that it is not enough
trauma to a potential source of love. is. “Is it possible that you are in the just to see a twin in a constellation,
A constellation may facilitate a client’s womb?” I ask. She confirms this. The to resolve the traumatic experience
ability to get out of the entanglement Cat has been standing up until now. of early loss trauma. The client needs
with the dead twin. This will enable her At this point he sits down on the floor. both to see the twin, to connect with
to live her life without unconsciously He reports that he had been dizzy, but the twin, to mourn its death, to express
feeling guilty about being the one who now he feels grounded and clearer in feelings for the twin and for what has
survived. She also holds the correct the head. I ask him if he could have happened, (for some this may be a
number of siblings in her heart by been there with her in the womb. He strong feeling of guilt), and to say
including the dead sibling and giving it cannot answer this question. Both farewell to the twin in the constellation.
the right to belong to her family system. representatives report a feeling of Sometimes the client needs to carry
warmth on one side of their body. The out some rituals after the constellation.
Constellation 1: From Client tells the Cat that she missed
the Beginning of Time him deeply when he left, and that she
In the interview the client wanted
a resolution for her animals. She
The client lives with her husband and has been trying to fill the space he
wanted them to be friends and to
their two cats and two dogs. They have left with animals her whole life. She
accept each other. The constellation
no children. The client wants to create also says she was confused when he
revealed that there was an early loss
a more harmonious situation for the disappeared. The representatives smile
trauma due to the death of her twin.
pets, as they fight a lot at the moment. and laugh together. I ask the Client to
This manifested itself in symptoms,
When I look at the photographs she say to the Cat: “I have been looking for
like wanting two of every animal.
has brought of her pets I almost start you for a long time.” She confirms but
crying. My heartbeat increases and I is confused. “It is hard to believe that Although this client did not mention a
immediately feel worried about one I am just talking to a cat,” she says. wish to become pregnant, I have seen
of the cats. I share my reactions with other constellations that demonstrated
I talk to the client, who has been
the client, and she agrees and admits how unwanted childlessness can
watching the constellation very
she is worried that someday he will be connected to the surviving twin
intensely, and ask her if it is all right
just disappear and die. Sometimes he syndrome. To extricate herself from
that we finish it here. I say a few
looks almost translucent, like a ghost, a possible entanglement with the
words about letting the constellation
and she fears that he will not grow to dead sibling the surviving twin must
work for the animals and herself.
be old. accept the gift of life that has been
given to her and not to her sibling.

33
 After the constellation I did not dog’s death. The children are very slowly fall down to the floor, where
explain the surviving twin syndrome attached to the dog, and have written the Dog lies in the Client’s lap. The
for the client, as it seemed to me she letters to her.” We agree to set up Client says from her heart: “I do not
understood. This was the client’s first two representatives to start with, one understand why you cry.” I ask her
constellation ever. In retrospect, I for the client and one for the dog. to say: “I would have loved to have
wonder if this type of constellation is you here to play with.” I check with
more appropriate for clients who have In the constellation the client stands the client who is sitting on her chair
already done their basic constellations on her toes looking up at the ceiling. looking very upset. She says she feels
(family of origin and present family). Then she walks over to the dog and stiff in her whole body. I ask her to say
they intertwine, like a couple in love. to the Dog from where she is sitting:
Constellation 2: You I ask the client, who is watching “It hurt so much when you left. Since
were my First Love the constellation and looking very then I have felt it in my whole body
emotional, whether it is possible that you disappeared. I have looked
The client is a 35 year old woman
that she has a vanishing twin. She for you everywhere.” The client and I
who wants to set up a constellation
the knowing field

nods her head in confirmation. walk over to the representatives on the

for her dog, who died of a stomach
tumour not long ago. When the dog floor. The representative for the client
The representative for the client says:
died the client discovered a tumour in says: “I try to keep her alive.” The Dog
“We belong together. I have always
her own uterus. The client expressed answers: “For me it is ok now, but it
known about you.” She takes in the
her goal for the constellation. “I think was painful to leave you.” The client
smell of the other person. The Dog
mostly about my children. I do not sits down in front of her representative,
then says: “My heart aches” and they
want them to be burdened by the and says: “It hurt a lot for me too,”

34
and she weeps intensely. The client and give it back to nature when you Perhaps the dog tried to carry the
moves so her face touches the face feel you do not need it any longer; illness for the client, or the dog tried to
of the Dog and says: “It is wonderful or put a picture of your dog in your make the client aware of her tumour.
to feel your skin.” She is touched and back pocket – whatever you feel There are reports of this phenomenon
cries more. She says: “I have missed is the right thing to do for you.” of animals trying to make their owners
you always.” I ask the client to say to aware of cancer. (Sheldrake, 1999).
the Dog: “You were my first love.” She The client says that even though Although the client was aware of
does so, laughs in affirmation, and she has known about the twin her twin, she had not connected the
then she cries again. The Dog says: for a long time it was very grieving for the dog to the loss of her
“I am with you always.” The client unexpected to experience it twin, and the possibility that the dog
replies: “Yes you are with me always. like this in the constellation. perhaps was a representative for her
You will always be a part of me.” twin. She seemed very grateful to have
Reflections made the connection to the theme of
After the constellation there is a There was an emphasis on the smell the missing twin in this way. She could
peaceful silence in the room. The client and the closeness to the skin of the understand the very deep feelings of
is touched, and clasps her hands. I twin. We know that siblings in the loss she had when the dog died.
say: “Do not close this too quickly. womb can hear, feel the skin and smell
Let us take some time now. If you feel each other. (Austermann, 2008). I think what was important in this
you need it you can have an extra constellation was that the client
pillow in your bed for a while; or put There was perhaps a link between the could experience the strong feelings
a stone in your pocket to remind you, dog’s tumour and the client’s tumour. of love that existed between her

35
 and her twin sibling. She could does not seem to move anything in representative for the cat does not talk
connect to the dead sibling and the constellation. The Client is pre- for a long time; she only makes cat
express love in the constellation, occupied with the Cat’s claws. The noises. But when the representative
and give her sibling a good place Cat is purring contentedly. Then the for the client says: “It is as if I want
in her heart. This will facilitate her Client says: “I cannot believe it is a the cat to be someone else,” the cat
ability to say farewell when she feels cat. I love all of you, all that you make starts talking and says very clearly:
ready to let go of the dead sibling. me understand. And I worry that I will “When one is a cat, one is a cat”! This
lose you.” The Cat is making a lot of seemed to be the essential point of the
Constellation 3: “As if I want happy noises. I ask the representative constellation, which brought clarity for
the cat to be someone else.” if she has any words. But the Cat the client. For some people animals
I ask the client: “If this turns out to only makes cat noises in reply. Then compensate for feelings of emptiness
be a good constellation for you, how the client exclaims: “I do not want to caused by the lack of children.
will you feel it?” The client replies: look at it!” The Cat lies down, and the
Client says: “Don’t fall asleep.” They There are also other possibilities.
“I will feel that my heart will open to
play for a while. The Client sighs and The cat in this constellation may be
the situation that I am in right now. It
says: “Yes.” I ask her to say to the Cat: taking on the role and the love of
has to do with the heart – to accept
“You have taught me a lot about love.” the husband, almost as if the cat
what is. That is enough.” The client
Then the Client says: “Now I want to is in an oedipal entanglement.
thinks there is a connection between
the cat and her childlessness, and be a cat myself.” She lies down, next
As the client is an only child the cat
expresses her wish to reconcile to the Cat, and says: “I love you the
may also be a substitute sibling or
herself with her childless situation. most. You are my number one.” She
a representative for a lost twin.
adds: “My poor husband, now I feel
“How did the cat come guilty. It is as if I want the cat to be For some surviving twins it is difficult
to you?” I asked. someone else.” The Cat starts talking, to become pregnant/carry the child
saying: “Now I feel uncertain. When to term, as was the case in the
“The first cat we had ran away.
one is a cat, one is a cat! I want to be first pet constellation in this article.
My husband and I were really sad
your number one. It is only about me.” These possibilities could be further
when it left us. Then we went to the
explored if the client so wishes.
shelter for homeless animals and The client talks to herself saying:
we found the cat we have now.” “That’s true. I have to accept that it is We also learned something about the
only a cat. It makes me laugh at the psychosomatic factors of allergies,
She chooses one representative
same time that I feel grief.” She places as one group member with an allergy
for the cat and one for herself.
herself very close behind the Cat, and to cats had to leave the group!
In the constellation the Cat is very plays with the Cat with her shawl. Then
interested in the Client. They move she says: “I hope you stay for a long Constellation 4: “When
simultaneously, as if they are on while, and that you want to be here.” Life decides”
the same wavelength, mirroring The client complains about pain in
(The member of the group
each other, although not noticing it. her stomach as she starts to tell
who is allergic to cats has to
The Client moves towards the Cat. me about the dog she gave away.
leave the room because she is
The Cat moves behind her, leaning The loss of the dog has caused a
having difficulty breathing).
against her back, looking in the lot of pain to the client, and to her
same direction and moves her hands “When I am out my husband looks children. They all miss the dog a lot.
around to the Client’s stomach. The after you.” The Cat says she likes him. The client hopes the constellation
Client holds on to the Cat’s hands. will reduce this pain in the family.
“He is my husband, and you are
(At this point a member of the a cat, just a cat. Through you, I We start with a representative for
group starts sneezing, and get to be a cat-mum, or rather, an the dog and one for the client.
says she is allergic to cats). adoptive mother.” She adds: “It feels
In the constellation the Dog walks
difficult to tear myself loose from
The Cat says: “I was very happy when slowly to the Client, looking very
her.” The room is filled with bliss.
I saw her. I protect her. I can feel a friendly and smiling as she looks
sorrow. I have to comfort her and rock Reflections into the Client’s eyes. They embrace
her.” They move in slow motion, as very gently, and the Dog places her
The client really wants a child, but
if they are one body. The Client says head next to the Client’s head. She
the knowing field

she is unable to conceive. Is the cat a

it is a sad, but also a good feeling to shakes her body, and they stand very
substitute child? The representative for
lean on the Cat. Their heads are very still together. The Client looks deeply
the client says early in the constellation:
close, and deep love is expressed happy, and says: “It feels like this is
“I do not want to look at it.” I interpret
in a very touching way. I ask the something I cannot allow myself.”
this as coming from the part of her
Client to tell the Cat: “Both you and She later adds: “It feels more like a
that finds it difficult to accept being
I have lost someone we love.” This boy,” which the Dog confirms. Then
childless. In the constellation the

36
the representative for the Dog says were together, but it is over now.” She guilty feelings of having survived while
she feels dead, and places herself says to me: “I do not understand that her sibling brother died, as well as
on the floor. My client asks me if it I can take this peace with me. I think I the difficult feelings that arose when
is a twin brother, as that is what the have to be there with him.” I suggest leaving him behind to go and live her
dog seems to be representing. she can bow in her inner mind for his life. We also witnessed the importance
destiny and her own, if it feels right for of skin contact in this constellation.
I ask my client if she wants to be near her. The Dog/Brother closes his eyes The client also mentioned that her
the Dog. Her representative reaches and exhales. I put in a representative current love relationship seemed like
out for the client’s hand, but she looks for the client’s husband. He goes a betrayal of the loving relationship
afraid and shivers, and says her legs to stand by the Daughter and says: she had had with her womb sibling.
feel paralysed. Her representative says: “Hello, we are waiting for you.” The
“Even if our first love died, we will not client walks around the room. The Editor’s Note:
die from connecting now.” The client representative for the dog is taken out Photograph supplied by
takes the place of her representative, of the role. The client says: “It is as if www.RuralSquirrel.ca
who remains behind her. The client I am abandoning someone, leaving
then places her head on the Dog’s him.” And she tells her Husband that
stomach, and the Dog touches her she wants him to know that there is REFERENCES
hair. They lie like this for a while. The something that has held her back. The
client says she feels guilty, that it Husband says he will wait. The client Austermann, Alfred R. and
was her fault that he died. I ask the ends the constellation by saying to Bettina (2006) The Surviving Twin
Dog to tell his sister that it was life him: “I have my history, and you have Syndrome. Kønigsweg-Verlag,
itself who wanted her to survive. yours. Together we have a life. In our Berlin, Germany/The Knowing
life together we have the children.” Field issue 12, Somerset, UK.
“When life decides there is no
blame involved,” I say. We sit quietly for a while. The client Sheldrake, R. (1999) Dogs
says she has suspected that there that Know when their Owners
The client says she is having difficulty are Coming Home: And other
might have been a twin because of
breathing, and tells us that she only unexplained Powers of Animals.
the deep grief she has always felt. I
barely made it through birth. The client Crown, New York, USA.
suggest that the animals we connect
laments and says she should not have
to in a special way feel our grief and
left him. He says it is good for him that Levine, Peter A. (1997) Waking
want to remind us of that person,
she made it, and that he is fine where the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North
in order to help us on the way.
he is. The client cannot leave the dead Atlantic Books, Berkeley, CA, USA.
brother, so I put in a representative for
Reflections Ruppert, Franz (2008) Trauma,
her daughter. The Daughter says she
is so glad that the mother survived In the constellation the client could see Bonding & Family Constellations.
and became her mother. The client the twin, and overcame the stiffness Understanding and Healing
still cannot leave her Brother, but after that was reactivated by the trauma Injuries of the Soul. Green Balloon
a while says to him: “You have your of loss when her brother died in the Publishing, Frome, Somerset, UK.
existence, and I have mine. Once we womb. She managed to explore her

37
 Sexual Abuse or Not?
Yildiz Sethi

Yildiz Sethi was born in England to an English mother and Turkish Cypriot
father and is now living and working in Australia. A school teacher for 15
years she is now a Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner and Family
Constellations Practitioner/Trainer and Educator of counsellors (part time).
Yildiz is a wife, mother and grandparent and runs her own private practice
in Brisbane, Australia holding Family Constellations workshops, private
constellation sessions and training.
[email protected]
www.familyconstellations.com.au

This article presents three cases from a Family Constellation perspective,

showing some of the hidden and more unusual dynamics of sexual abuse
and demonstrating how the energy of sexual abuse can be operating
in families.
Family Constellations work is stance encourages the facilitator Case Study 1: Example
particularly well placed to be able to to listen to the client’s perceptions of mother’s possible
uncover the dynamics of sexual abuse, and beliefs that are revealed in the abuse coming to light in
delicately and in a non-judgemental presentation of their issue, while also her child’s experience.
way, which can be both relieving and staying open to other possibilities.
A woman in her thirties, named Jane,
healing for the people involved. Operating phenomenologically we can
wanted to look at the issue of sexual
accept that the client is simply giving
There is much information and research abuse, which she felt had happened to
their perception of their situation, which
on the subject of sexual abuse, her in her formative years. She believed
is often a limited one. We each make
which has been well documented that this issue was underpinning her
our own meaning from our experiences,
and written about in the literature of lack of trust in men and her inability
and when we can be open to other
therapy. However, Family Constellation to sustain an intimate relationship.
perceptions or to a bigger picture,
experiences have added a further She said that although she couldn’t
a movement in the soul may occur
insight into the intricate dynamics actually recall an incident of abuse,
for the client and/or the system.
and trends from which sexual abuse she sensed that her uncle, (her father’s
may arise. Sexual abuse is an energy What follows are some case studies brother) was probably responsible.
that appears to be transmitted down from my work with clients, which
I asked her to pick a representative
through generations in the same way show that the energy of sexual
for herself and her uncle and place
as many other patterns. However, as abuse may be felt in unusual ways.
them within the holding circle. She
Hellinger himself has said on numerous I believe it would have been difficult
placed them facing each other.
occasions (1999 ; 2006), it seems to pick this up without the support
to be the betrayal, secrecy, shame, of the field of a constellation.
guilt and the failure of perpetrators to
take responsibility for their actions, (All names have been changed
that lead to the enduring problems to protect identities in the
following case studies). Uncle Jane
for the individuals involved and a
the knowing field

continuation of the flow of the patterns

After a few minutes Jane reported
down through the family tree.
feeling very nervous, looking around
As a Family Constellations facilitator and backing away from Uncle, while
I have found the phenomenological he in return looked at her quite calmly.
approach, which is the foundation of He was smiling and became curious
Constellation work, invaluable. This as her anxiety rose. Both were told to
follow their impulses. The Uncle moved

38
 the knowing field
a little and continued to observe her in the Mother. I realised that at least It seemed very likely that someone
from a distance while Jane turned to one other person or element might be in the mother’s past needed to be
the right and appeared to be staring missing and wondered if the father included. I placed a man behind
intensely at something in the distance. could be important here. I asked her and turned her round with no
I asked the client to put someone in the client to put a representative information about who he might be.
the place where she was looking. An for her father in the constellation.
older woman was chosen and placed. A man was put up with his back
to the Mother, and facing Jane. Man

Mother
Mother

Father
Mother

Uncle Jane

Jane gazed intensely at this

representative, who appeared to be Uncle Jane
distracted, nervous and agitated
and was looking from side to side. Jane
Uncle
I asked the client if she had any Jane experienced a lot of anger Father
idea who the woman could be and towards the Father, which she
she said: “I think it’s my mother.” expressed in the form of harsh
judgements about his perceived
Both representatives, Jane and weakness and lack of sophistication. The Mother became very angry and
the Woman nodded in agreement. After some Order was restored after a short while spontaneously said:
(From here I will refer to this new with some physical movements
representative as Mother). Mother and expression, Jane started to “You had no right, I am really angry
found that she couldn’t look at her feel more accepting of her Father, with you.”
Daughter, although the Daughter was while he reported feeling sad
very much focused on her mother. The Man said he felt very cold and
and also warm towards her. Jane
Over the next few minutes the Mother angry and was finding it hard to
voluntarily moved closer to her
became increasingly agitated and focus on her. The Mother continued
Father and rested her head on his
reported that her throat and chest to express rage for a few minutes.
shoulder for a few moments.
had become very tight, while her As she did so, she reported a foul
Daughter reported similar sensations. smell between them and both of them
started to cough. Jane also said she
I asked the Mother to express Mother smelt something foul, though I was
her feeling to her Daughter, in an not aware of it. After expressing her
attempt to release some of the feelings for him for a while longer the
discomfort, but this had little effect. Mother was able to say to the man:

Then I asked the Mother to say to Jane: “I will leave the shame and guilt
of what you did with you.”
“There is a secret that I have Uncle
not shared with anyone.” Jane The Man was unresponsive. He
said he felt cold and distant and
After I asked her to repeat this twice Father
unable to accept or respond to the
more the Mother reported a slight woman’s anger. This continued
reduction in anxiety and she became for a few minutes. The Mother’s
able to maintain eye contact with I then put the Father behind Jane rage and agitation stayed the
her Daughter. They both looked as a support and Jane said she felt same and the Man reported that
over at the Uncle, who was showing stronger, although she continued he couldn’t feel much at all.
only vague interest; and they soon to feel nervous as she looked at
returned their gaze to each other. her Mother, who was still anxiously Eventually, as an experiment I sent
clenching her fists. Mother reported the Man out of the room, to find out
Both of them still felt very anxious what effect – if any – this might have.
that she didn’t know who or what
and the sensations in the throat and As the door closed, the energy of the
she was anxious and angry about.
chest were still present, especially constellation changed dramatically;

39
 everyone relaxed visibly and gave a is true or not? As a facilitator I had Case Study 2: An example
long sigh of relief. With tears in her felt the dilemma about going ahead of forbidden love between
eyes the Mother turned to her Daughter with this constellation and yet had relatives, where the dynamic
and was able to look calmly at her for chosen to proceed, in the interests is played out in their children.
some time. Eventually she opened her of bringing more of the truth to light.
arms to her. At this point the client took The dynamic that was revealed did Kate, a forty-year-old mother and
her own place in the constellation. seem to lift a burden from Jane wife came to a workshop saying that
and allow the representative for her she wanted to feel better about the
Looking at Jane, the Mother said: mother to become more grounded sexual abuse she had experienced
“This is mine. I couldn’t look at it.” and available to her daughter. from her cousin, the son of her
father’s older brother, who was six
The Uncle withdrew and Jane From this constellation we can gain years older than her. It had taken
started to cry with relief as a glimpse into the phenomenon place from when she was ten years
she looked at her mother. of ‘recovered memory’ that has old, for a period of two years.
been brought to the attention of the
The Mother said: “Leave it with me.”
psychotherapeutic world in recent Kate picked and placed representatives
The constellation ended when years, particularly in regard to sexual for herself and her cousin Jed and
Jane allowed herself to be abuse and incest. (Hopper, 2008). In placed them facing each other. Jed
held by her parents. reality we don’t know if Jane was or was looking at her calmly and Kate
was not sexually abused by her uncle, was turning away and finding it
Immediately after the constellation someone else, or no one at all. We hard to look at him. As the minutes
Jane said that she no longer believed don’t know if her mother or someone passed, Kate became both angry and
her uncle had sexually abused her. She of her family was the victim or possibly tearful. I gave her some sentences
reported that he was always joking with the perpetrator of sexual abuse, as we to say to express her anger and
her and she often noticed him looking have no facts to substantiate this. sadness to Jed. However, he was
at her, but that was all. She said that finding it hard to accept or even
it appeared that her mother had been I believe it is very important for me as to hear what was being said.
sexually abused, but had not felt able a facilitator, both legally and ethically,
to disclose it. Jane said she felt lighter to refrain from interpreting, or leading
and calmer and much relieved. the client into an interpretation. I
prefer to allow clients to arrive at their
own perceptions. In my practice I
Jed Kate
I believe it is very generally would not encourage the
client to search for evidence, if she
important for me or he has appeared to have come
to a more peaceful place with the Eventually after some time, when
as a facilitator, situation, or if a new perspective has Kate attempted to hand back to
both legally and arisen that appears to give strength. him the responsibility, shame and
guilt she was feeling, Jed said that
Searching for evidence, in my opinion
ethically, to refrain would interfere with the process of he couldn’t accept it and didn’t

from interpreting, movements of the soul that may be in

motion. As a facilitator I don’t need to
feel he had done anything wrong.
Kate became more distressed.
or leading the know any further details, and I trust
I stood at a distance from the
that something is in process. Any
client into an further intervention is going further
constellation, observing and
wondering if there could be
interpretation. than my non-verbal contract with
something else about the situation
my client in exploring her issue.
that had not yet come to light.
The interesting phenomenon of a
After a while it seemed that another
smell coming out in a constellation
representative needed to be
It appears that Jane had sensed is something that I have experienced
introduced, as Jed was finding it hard
the energy of sexual abuse and had several times, (both a foul smell and
to take responsibility for his actions,
projected this on to someone in a beautiful aroma). I would love to
if in fact they were his actions.
her family, even though she had no explore this more at some stage
the knowing field

memory or proof. This is potentially and wonder what other facilitators I asked Kate to set up their
very dangerous territory for the client, have to add in this regard. At this parents behind Kate and Jed.
the family and the facilitator, as point it remains a mystery.
there is no way we can know where Nothing much changed during the
a constellation like this may go, or next few minutes until I noticed that
if it may lead to an accusation of Jed’s Father and Kate’s Mother
someone. How can we know if this were gazing at each other with

40
 the knowing field
apparent adoration and love. This we don’t know, which might help us to little feeling, other than being stuck.
was confirmed by the representatives a fuller understanding. It is often the The woman signalled to me again that
and they described feeling aware case in Constellation work that we may she now had a terrible headache and
of no one else in the room. know very few facts and yet something thought she might leave the room. I
moves for the client emotionally, invited her to stand up and take her
intellectually and energetically, place in the constellation to see if she
Mother Father which allows love to flow again. was part of what was going on. She
looked at the representative for Anger
Case Study 3: A woman’s and began to express her fury. The
constellations which reveal anger had a force and velocity behind
both her own abuse and that it that could not easily be quelled. In
Jed Kate
of her fellow countrywomen. her outpourings she said words like:
Father Mother
Natasha was a single woman in “How dare you pillage and rape us, use
her twenties who had done several us and abuse us! You have no right!”
I asked Jed to look at his constellations over a two-year period,
Father and say, as he motioned After a while we noticed that she
with the hope of reducing her strong
to Kate and her Mother: appeared to be speaking for a
feelings of anger, anxiety and low
collective of women, possibly the
self-esteem. She reported that she had
“I did it for you.” women of her nation, a country that
not yet had a romantic relationship
had experienced many invasions
Immediately he looked down and and was very focused on her career
and injustices in times of war. The
blushed with embarrassment and then at this point in her life. It wasn’t until
representative for Natasha was
very willingly expressed his shame and her second constellation that Natasha
standing back a little and allowing the
sadness at what he had done to Kate. revealed that on several occasions
Woman to confront and vent her rage
between the ages of eight and nine,
at Anger. Anger was looking at the
Kate had been deeply moved as she local boys had sexually abused
Woman with his full attention now and
watched the constellation. She said her in her homeland in Europe.
was able to receive her words with a
it made sense to her and she didn’t
Over the next four workshops she did level of understanding and acceptance.
need to know any more. Several
months later she told me that she various constellations dealing with
The client sitting in the holding
now felt fine with her cousin. Recently sexual abuse, emigration, family and
circle was nodding, smiling
he had come for tea and she had self-sabotage in work and relationships.
and crying and saying:
been alone with him for the first time She perceived both of her parents as
since her childhood. She felt safe weak; her father was an alcoholic and “Yes, that’s my rage. It’s not
and friendly towards him and no her mother compliant and manipulative. just for me, but also for all the
longer dreaded family gatherings. After the first constellation her women who came before me.”
parents split up. After the next few
The representative for Jed appeared constellations her anxiety reduced It was interesting to note that the
to be innocently and unconsciously significantly, but prior to her last Woman who was drawn into the
revealing the desire of his father constellation she was still experiencing constellation came from a nation in
towards his father’s brother’s wife. This very strong anger even though her Asia where women had experienced
appeared to be playing out in the next self-esteem was much improved and many invasions and grave injustices.
generation by means of the dynamic she was doing very well in her career.
between Jed and Kate, out of a hidden After some healing sentences and
loyalty towards their parents’ forbidden I asked Natasha to set up a further movements had taken place
attraction. Of course on one level, representative for herself and Anger. in the constellation, the Woman
the responsibility of what Jed did to Natasha picked a woman for herself who had expressed rage calmed
his cousin was still very much his, in and a man for Anger and set them up down and Natasha took her own
that he was older and his cousin was facing each other. Natasha looked at place, looking glowing and calm.
a child. There is no doubt that it was Anger for quite a long time and seemed
unable to say anything. Anger looked A week after the workshop
inappropriate and had deeply hurt his
back – aloof, defiant and cold. After Natasha contacted me to report
cousin, until the constellation allowed
a while a woman in the holding circle that she was feeling much calmer
the healing energy to flow. However,
signalled to me that she was feeling and was really excited to see
on another level, it is interesting to
very angry and anxious and was not how her life would unfold now.
note that this was happening in a field
set up by their parents and that the sure what to make of it. I asked her to Natasha had many systemic issues,
cousins – particularly Jed – as long as wait a little to see how she was feeling which needed time to come to the
he was entangled – felt innocent, in the in a few minutes time. The anxiety surface. She was carrying a deep
larger scheme of things. There may be and anger continued to rise for the loyalty to her family, her national history
other details of the family history that participant woman in the circle, as and the plight of women in her country;
Natasha stood looking at Anger with

41
 and possibly to the plight of women in contact their own soul, experience The notion of: each person doing the
general. Each constellation in which and intuition to check if it’s alright best they can with what they have,
Natasha took part unfolded delicately; to proceed. However, we too are is a very healing, inclusive, empathic
so that at each stage only what her continually growing and changing and accepting philosophy for Family
soul, or the family or national soul was and experience times when we are Constellations. As facilitators, clients,
ready to deal with was revealed. This not so clear, grounded or collected. perpetrators and victims alike, we
constellation gave us a glimpse at the are often involuntarily operating from
ways in which human beings operate within our own fields of entanglement.
simultaneously in many different
dimensions. The personal, family, A facilitator However, the process of Family
Constellations allows the
national and gender perspectives
form who we all are and result in very can only go entanglements of taboo subjects
such as sexual abuse, to be revealed.
complex allegiances and alliances. to the depths Secrets can be exposed and shame,
In the cases that I have outlined here with a client guilt, anger and sadness may
there are some interesting points: be released or resolved at some
that they have level, as the representatives offer
These constellations highlight
the importance of working already been themselves in the service of the
client and their family system.
phenomenologically (‘not-knowing’),
with an attempt at being open to what
to themselves Perpetrators and victims may
might emerge and with no expectations in their own acknowledge themselves in the
bigger picture of their family fields. On
or fear. I would suggest that if an issue
is fearful to us then it is probably not
processing and another level they are able to help to
wise to facilitate it. The client can experience. establish clearer boundaries when they
sense if the facilitator is able to hold accept responsibility for their actions
the space for their issue. A facilitator and cease carrying guilt, shame or
can only go to the depths with a inappropriate responsibility for others.
client that they have already been to Acknowledging where we are is an Sexual abuse is a relatively frequent
themselves in their own processing and important first step in making that dynamic in family systems and in this
experience. This does not mean that initial judgement as to whether or not article I have just demonstrated three
the facilitator has had to experience the to proceed. We need to be mindful less direct ways that the energy may
same issues necessarily, but that they of our ego perhaps not wanting to be experienced and yet still have a
have dared to experience and explore acknowledge our limitations in this profound effect on those involved.
themselves and their own depth, moment; which is why the facilitation I feel sure there will be many other
shadow and systemic entanglements of Family Constellations requires so examples that facilitators may be
and are continuing to do so. much maturity and awareness in the able to share on this subject.
facilitator. We are all the same in our
In those few moments of listening
humanity, but possibly at different
and making a decision about what to
points in our journey; that is all.
do, the facilitator needs to be able to

REFERENCES
Hellinger.B. (1999) Acknowledging What is. Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag, Heidelberg, Germany.

Hellinger, B. (2006) No Waves without the Ocean. Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag, Heidelberg, Germany.

Hopper, J. (2008) http://www.jimhopper.com/memory/9.27 2008 last revised. Sited 7.4.2009.

Leibermeister. S. (2006) The Roots of Love. Perfect Publishers, Oxford, UK.

the knowing field

42
 the knowing field
New Developments
Understanding the Complexity of Intimacy
Barbara J. Lynch, Ph.D.
J. Edward Lynch, Ph.D.

Intimacy is both an elusive and sought-after factor in relationships. The foundation and the structure
of the relationship reside in the capacity for intimacy, the struggle to attain it, and the intrinsic
anxiety associated with having it and losing it. In thirty years of working with couples, it has become
apparent to us that individuals choose partners with an unspoken agreement that the capacity for
intimacy in the dyad and the manner in which intimacy is expressed are learned at an early age,
out of awareness, and that the threshold for intimacy is established from our family of origin.

Barbara Lynch, Ph.D. J. Edward Lynch, Ph.D.

Professor Emeritus of Southern Connecticut Chair of the department of Marriage and
State University, Department of Marriage and Family therapy at Southern Connecticut State
Family Therapy, has been a long time senior University in New Haven Connecticut. He has
clinician and trainer of psychotherapists. She contributed many articles and chapters in
has contributed many articles and chapters to books over his 35 years as a senior clinician
books. She is also co-author of Principles and and trainer. He is a Founding Member not only
Practices of Structural Family Therapy. She of the International Systemic Constellation
has been a frequent presenter of workshops Association, but also of the International Gestalt
both nationally and internationally. She is the Therapy Association. He is co-author of the
mother of nine children, and 14 grandchildren. book Principles and Practices Structural Family
Although now retired from the University, she Therapy and co-editor of Messengers of Healing,
continues writing and working at her bead store. a New Generation of Family Constellation
Barbara also has had her jewellery and bead Practitioners. He presents systemic constellation
designs published in national magazines. workshops in Poland, Russia, Mexico, Spain,
[email protected] France, Italy, and in the United States.
www.systemicinstitute.com [email protected]
www.systemicinstitute.com

43
 Individuals ‘learn’ a tolerance for In and of themselves these basic are two of these); the sibling sub-
intimacy and the anxiety associated four shapes have no significance or system, and the system formed
with intimacy from interactions that interpretative value. Consistent with a by the brothers. Betty’s brothers
take place in family of origin settings. systemic perspective, these shapes comprise a sub-system that is
These patterns are established in early are relevant only as they relate to hierarchically above Betty and
childhood and remain operational in a each other and are considered with although they are equally distant
subtle and powerful manner throughout their differences and similarities. from Betty, they form a sub-system
the individual’s life. Therapists working Therefore, the factors addressed are: of similarity that excludes Betty.
with clients on their intimacy issues can proximity and distance, identification, • The greatest distance between
spend many hours trying to uncover and restricted (or unrestricted) access individuals is evident in the distance
these patterns and make inferences to other figures, and relative size as between the siblings who are
from the therapeutic relationship an indication of perceived power. equally distant from each other.
about the template of intimacy
governing the client’s relationships. Through the use of these diagrams • All the male figures are represented
the couple are able to recognise the by four-sided figures.
Starting from the premise that the areas of similarity and difference that • The female figures are similar in that
client’s self-discovery will neutralise are having an impact on their inherent they are different from the males,
any possible resistance and thereby capacity for intimacy and any areas both being non-four sided figures.
be more enduring as a self-creation of potential difficulty. The following
than any interpretation by the therapist, diagrams are presented as examples: • Betty is represented by a shape
a reliable tool for encouraging self- that is most different from others in
discovery is desirable and helpful. the family, being the only one who
Diag 1: Betty’s Family is not composed of straight lines.
The authors have developed and
used a ‘projective’ technique (which is Father Mother The inferences, relative to intimacy,
equivalent to setting up the family with that can be drawn from this
(

pieces of paper or using an existential representation are:

constellation), with individuals and
couples for more than twenty-five • Betty’s models for intimacy could
years with results that are resoundingly inform her that there is more
successful. The drawing exercise closeness between the parents
began strictly as a projective technique Brother - age 7 Brother - age 8 and children than there is between
to elicit the unconscious driving the adults. This might result in her
relationship forces that are established putting her relationship with her
early in childhood. Once in use, with child above her relationship with her
a focus from Gestalt and Structural intimate partner and thereby making
Family Systems in the ‘interpretation’ any decisions about intimacy with
of the drawings, it became clear that Betty - age 10 her partner less important than her
both Field Theory and Constellations responsibilities as a parent, even
had a significant place in the next We can make several observations when not justified. Betty has a poor
steps. We have used the drawings about this diagram: foundation for peer interaction
as a template for a beginning – she seems to be excluded
• Betty is the individual most from the sibling sub-system.
constellation without discussion of
distant from others in the family.
the factors that are evident within • Betty has an inherent affinity for
the drawing. Thus the projective • Betty’s brothers are each closer hierarchical sub-systems. They
technique of discovery has become to a parent than the parents are are familiar and she has learned
a therapeutic intervention based on to each other and are closer to how to function within them.
the tenets of Family Constellations. an adult than to each other. Since hierarchy in the intimate
• The parents are on the same level system between partners is
Individuals are asked to represent their
and are relatively the same size. counter-indicated and a precursor
family of origin as they experienced
• The adults are larger for a breakdown in intimacy, the
it when they were either ten, eleven
than the children. inference is that Betty’s intimate
or twelve years old. A series of four
systems are fraught with the
geometric figures are used as symbols • Betty’s position allows her potential for difficulty. Betty
for individual family members. an unobstructed ‘view’ of
the knowing field

would naturally and without any

the entire system and of awareness seek out individuals
the couple as a system. with whom she feels inherently
• There are five evident primary sub- superior or inferior, and thereby
systems in the family: the parental feel dissatisfied with the level of
system; the systems formed intimacy.
between a son and a parent (there

44
 the knowing field
A relationship history revealed that Betty had continued her education father and youngest son; mother
Betty had always been the youngest on a part-time basis through her and second son (proximity); mother
person in her class at school. She was child-raising years resulting in both and 3rd son, (placement). Most
a precocious child and was allowed a Bachelor’s Degree and a Master’s noticeable by its absence is the
to enter first grade at four and a half Degree. Her husband, who had only a lack of a discernible sub-system
in an educational system that did not High School Diploma showed evidence between the marital couple.
adhere to current age limits. While of resentment about her education Examining the two diagrams side by
she was capable of being on a par and the employment possibilities they side with the premise that individuals
intellectually with her classmates presented. His dissatisfaction with her without awareness replicate patterns
and sometimes superior to them, growing competencies and his family’s of interaction that were ‘learned’ in
she was not socially the peer of five expressed displeasure at a wife who their families of origin it is possible
and six year olds. In addition, her “didn’t know her place,” eventually led to hypothesise that the marriage
family frequently prevented her from to instances of violence between them between Betty and her husband,
Jack, had inherent difficulties. In both
participating in the common social which were not revealed to outsiders.
families it was ‘natural’ that parent-
events of her classmates, claiming
child systems were closer (more
that she was too young for them. intimate) than couple systems.
Betty’s adolescent boyfriends and her
girl friends were most frequently from Diag 2: Betty’s husband’s family
a social class that was less than her
family’s standards. This gave her the Mother
opportunity to be their superior in the
system, and at the same time allowed
her to be different and distant from
the rest of her family. Her brothers Brother - age 12 Betty’s husband – age10
generally chose dating partners and
friends from the group, which was
approved of by the family system.
Brother -age 8 Brother - age 5
Betty’s interactions with her brothers
were restricted. Her parents sent the Father
brothers to private school and Betty
went to state school. The rationale
was that as a precedent in the ethnic
make-up of the family, it was more
important for the males in the family
to be given advantages that would
Our observations relative Bert Hellinger (1998) writes
help them in future endeavours. The
to this family are: about this theme:
females were expected to be wives
and mothers and therefore not in need • The mother is at the
“Successful togetherness demands
of special educational privileges. This head of the family.
the sacrifice and transformation
led to Betty’s experience of being • The children are standing between of our earlier child bond to our
inferior and driving her choice of the adults. There is no free parents – the boy to his mother
peers to those who were inferior. She access between the couple. and the girl to her father.” (p.36).
abjectly rejected friends whom she • The second son, (Betty’s
deemed superior to her in education, husband) is closest to his mother From an assessment of the current
social class, or sophistication. and prevented from having dyadic system it was apparent that
unobstructed access to his father. Betty had fallen into the place of Jack’s
True to form, Betty married young mother in the family schema; she was
to a man considered a poor choice • One of the sons is closer to his
superior (in education, family of origin
by her family and who was on father than the father is to his wife.
status, class and sophistication) to
several counts inferior to her. She • The eldest brother is almost equal Jack. Betty’s expectation that she
became a mother within a year of the in size (influence) to the father was inferior to the males in her family
marriage and proceeded to have four and is the largest of the siblings. probably resulted in her confusion
children, sons, in rapid succession. • The eldest brother is the one who about her place as a wife when coupled
Those who knew her commended is most distant from his siblings. with her felt experience of superiority
for her mothering. However, within to Jack. Neither individual had models
• There is an identification
fourteen years, it was evident that for intimacy among cross-gender
(all similar shapes) among
the marriage was in serious trouble. peers that could serve as templates
the males in the family.
• The sub-systems appear to be for successful relationships. Hellinger
mother and the three oldest sons; (1998, ch.2) talks about the couple

45
 relationship being the foundation of Optimal Conditions is common and functional. Being
the family. When this relationship for Intimacy solicitous is driven by a desire to
includes all the aspects of intimacy, the Equality – the non- please the partner. In the company of
children learn fully about this crucial hierarchical relationship passion, these behaviours are benign.
relationship and are able to replicate However when aspects of self-
it in their future adult relationships. This couple illustrates one of the most functioning are foregone in an effort
significant obstacles to intimacy – the to maintain this state, discontentment
When presented with these two inherent inability to establish and begins to brew. Eventually, as the
diagrams, Betty and Jack were struck maintain a relationship of equality. dynamic becomes a fixed mode of
by the differences between their The dyadic system is predicated on interaction, the dyadic relationship
families and without prompting were a foundation of relating as peers. deteriorates into a parent-child mode.
able to articulate the following: Intimacy is possible only to the degree When this occurs, there is a resulting
that a non-hierarchical relationship dissatisfaction with sexual relating.
Jack: I think our family now
exists between the individuals. This Beneath the surface, despite the overt
is almost exactly like mine
is complicated by the fact that many ‘complaints’, is an emergent albeit
was when I was a child!
individuals have no experiential models unacknowledged, clash with the incest
Betty: (With tears choked back) I’m for this, despite the tendency to look taboo. Sexual pleasure is inherently
shocked! I’m just like your mother. within a peer group for an intimate not permissible between parent and
partner. Age, of course is the most child. As the hierarchical structure of
Jack: I never realised how little my outstanding facet of peer relating. the dyad becomes irrevocably fixed,
parents had to do with each other. Individuals tend, in general to have all facets of intimacy are disturbed.
Looking at that picture reminds social relationships with others within
me of how my father was always their broad age group. This tends to Non-equality fosters a lack of respect
working and my mother took charge follow the premise that the sibling and caring. Decisions made from a
of everything. She really left him group is an individual’s first entry position of superiority without adequate
out of things and he didn’t seem to into peer relationships and all the negotiation or input, present a situation
do anything to make it different. I skills of peer relating are established of potential resentment. When this is a
didn’t ever hear him complain, but within this group that is further pattern of relating learned in the family
then why would he? His gambling embedded in the family system. of origin, it describes a natural way of
habit would have been exposed! being. It also carries with it the inability
Individuals who have the advantage of to exercise non-hostile personal power
Betty: You seem to leave most of the being raised in a cross-gender sibling and the potential for an intentional
family decisions up to me and then system learn the idiosyncratic nuances or unaware annihilation of the self.
complain when I don’t consult with of males and females. Those who
you about things. My mother decided emerge from a single gender sibling Intimate relating requires the
the important things for the family too, group often find the intricacies of the participation of whole ‘selves’ –
but that doesn’t show in my diagram. opposite gender incomprehensible an ability to merge with another
and foreign. Carl Whitaker (1978; without loss of self. When one partner
The couple spent several sessions engulfs the other, there is a loss of ego
1988) claims that an age difference
focusing on the awareness they had boundaries, and true intimacy
between a couple of more than fifteen
gained through a therapist-guided is impossible.
years represents an age difference that
examination of their diagrams. Primary
approximates to a generational chasm. Functional disputes are those that have
among these were those related to
When this is coupled with Minuchin’s as a core principle the need and desire
intimacy. Both agreed that they had
‘rule’ (1974) that two generations for change in the relationship. This
different ideas of what intimacy ‘should’
should not share a sub-system, it is only occurs when there is an absence
be like between married couples and
evident that such an age difference of fear of annihilation; when there is a
were unsure if they could, or wanted to,
constitutes a non-peer system. presumed assurance that each partner
find a common ground. Their goals for
their life as a couple and family were There are obvious reasons for the will be heard and can speak with equal
diametrically opposed and within a attraction between individuals with a influence. Generally children ‘absorb’
relatively short time, the oldest son was significant age difference. In addition their parents’ means of negotiating
involved in an incident that involved there is a ‘honeymoon’ period that or ‘fighting’, and tend to replicate this
the judicial system and this polarised belies the difficulties that generally pattern as adults. In a hierarchical
the couple still further. Eventually emerge as the relationship ‘ages’. The dyadic system, the fight, or dispute
the knowing field

they separated and later divorced. inherent difficulty in non-peer systems tends to be centred on the dynamic
is that in time they become parent- of getting even, not in the sense of
child systems, where one individual revenge, but rather as an attempt to
takes on parental functions that the equalise the power and influence.
other must accept and reciprocate. In Frequently there is an unacknowledged
the throes of romance, this dynamic withholding of intimacy as an act

46
 the knowing field
of getting even that does function family of origin needs above those obvious, while others are elusive and
as revenge or punishment. When of their family of procreation and she only emerge in interaction. The basic
any of these patterns become expressed the sentiment that her similarities allow the couple to operate
entrenched, intimacy recedes and input into family decisions was always from a generally compatible base of
often it is impossible to regain it. less important than his mother’s decision-making. They have an intrinsic
opinions. Jack’s emotional ties to his understanding of where each is
Differentiation from mother and his loyalty to his family ‘coming from’ in actions and reactions.
Family of Origin precluded his ability to establish and Further to this, there is an acceptance
Murray Bowen (1994) claimed that the maintain intimacy with his partner. of a way of being and an unspoken
process of differentiation is the major understanding of each other’s motives.
developmental task of young adulthood
Looking once again at Betty and Jack,
and one that co-incides with choosing
an intimate partner. When the ties of The more their similarities are obvious; they are
both Caucasian, Catholic, southern
intimacy are stronger (albeit different)
than the intimacy between the couple,
understanding an European in ethnicity, and from
there is a feeling of foreboding. individual has of families in generally similar financial
situations. One core difference is in
In looking back at the diagrams the complexity educational levels. Betty’s parents
both had college degrees while neither
of Betty and Jack, the inherent
learned loyalties are revealed and the
of intimacy and of Jack’s parents graduated from
foundation for disturbances in intimacy the roots of it high school nor did they value higher
becomes obvious. Betty appears, in education. Another basic difference
her diagram, to be distant and relatively within the family was in family values regarding
differentiated from her family of origin. of origin, the more closeness; Jack’s family existed in
a climate of concrete similarities; all
She is most different in terms of her
shape, most distant, and unfettered by possible it is to family members were expected to
go on holiday together, work in the
other family members. However, these
are some of the very factors that may
attain and sustain family business and drive similar
keep her from differentiating. There intimacy make cars. Betty’s family operated
is an overt illusion of independence more individualistically; the siblings
that overshadows her inability to got together infrequently; differences
be dependent or inter-dependent, a in life style were supported and
necessary component of intimacy. And Their mutual difficulty with mastering following family rituals was considered
in effect she is the pivotal individual differentiation, contributed significantly a matter of individual choice.
in her diagram making her further to their inability to attain satisfactory
The function of a foundation of
entrenched in family dynamics. Her intimacy in their dyadic system.
similarities is to support superficial
plight, one that interferes with her
differences. Some of these differences
capacity for intimate relating, is that she A Foundation of
are in the realm of leisure-time
appears to be ‘free’ while experiencing Similarities to Support
activities, choice of friendships,
herself as inextricably tied. Superficial Differences
vacation possibilities, and other similar
The intimate system requires a non-essential factors. These are the
Jack, on the other hand is clearly
combination of similarities and differences that make individuals and
hemmed in by family members with no
differences. The interaction of the their relating interesting and fresh.
obvious ‘escape route’. His ability to be
polarities leads to a creative tension In Jack and Betty’s relationship they
self-differentiated is further hampered
that keeps the system lively, rich took on from their own families the
by the lack of a close relationship
in possibilities for personal and aspect of ‘chasms’ that kept them
between the parents. The closeness
relationship growth, and fosters too far apart to be intimate. Their
between Jack and his mother is
flexibility. However, there needs to be a core differences overshadowed the
equivalent to the closeness that
balance of similarities and differences basic similarities and interfered with
would be more appropriate between
to allow for both stability and fluidity. their ability to maintain intimacy.
adult partners and his emotional and
physical leaving could be viewed Intimacy originates in a foundation of One or two significant differences alone
as an act of disloyalty. In any case, real and perceived similarities. Some do not necessarily become a precursor
his choosing an intimate partner basics in this general category might for a disturbance in intimacy. They
would remove him from closeness include: race, religion, family values, cannot, however, be incorporated by
with his mother if successful. educational level, financial status, the couple as superficial differences
anxiety tolerance, intimacy tolerance, or overlooked as a potential breeding
In actuality, one of Betty’s complaints
level of differentiation and response ground for a rift in the fabric of
was that Jack put his mother and his
to threats. Some of these factors are

47
 intimate relating. These differences intimacy can increase. Individuals the cause of an absence of intimacy.
take on more significant importance who come from a background of
when they occur in conjunction parents who have engaged in serial Both Betty and Jack seemed to
with other basic dysfunctions. pseudo-intimate relationships have come from families where there was
little natural tolerance or understanding a presumed level of commitment.
Commitment of this level of commitment. They Both sets of parents had remained
enter so-called intimate relationships married. However, upon closer
Intimacy must be grounded in a
with a myriad of conditions that are examination, it was apparent that
nourishing environment. that is
often unspoken but which lurk in the this was simply a blind following of
circumscribed by commitment. The
background available for ‘use’ should religious tenet. There were no options,
degree to which there is an absence
intimacy become threatening or so conditions were unexpressed or
of conditions of commitment, is the
threatened. The most common of these unacknowledged. If transgressions
degree to which intimacy can flourish.
conditions is infidelity and frequently it occurred, they were buried and
The unconditional commitment is
is an inherited pattern. Children learn, ‘punishments’ meted out as a natural
one where there is an expectation
either inadvertently or directly, that a function. However, it was interesting
of endurance despite difficulties. It
the knowing field

spouse has ‘cheated’ and therefore to note that all of Jack’s siblings
is a relationship where there is an
the relationship had to end. There is were in second or third relationships
understanding that all disturbances are
no understanding of the rift in intimacy and one of Betty’s brothers was
co-created and that these difficulties
that was a precursor of the search for divorced and living at home with his
present opportunities for growth
intimacy that resulted in the breach of parents. We could speculate then
and change rather than a path to
spousal boundaries. The infidelity is a that these parents projected their
dissolution of the relationship. It is
result of a lack of intimacy rather than unacknowledged conditions on to their
only with this implicit assurance that

48
 the knowing field
children who unwittingly constructed and family members. Each of these The more understanding an individual
relationships where the parent’s reproaches has an element of intimacy has of the complexity of intimacy
unexpressed dissatisfactions could at the core, or the difficulty results in and the roots of it within the family
be enacted. We cannot assume just a disturbance in intimate relating. of origin, the more possible it is to
because they stayed together a long attain and sustain intimacy. Intimacy
time that they were unconditionally The form and function of intimacy is the connecting tissue between
committed to each other. must be flexible enough to withstand individuals; the essential force that
the changes that take place over the brings couples together and sustains
Intimacy cannot thrive without life cycle. Being intimate as a newly their relationship. Without it, couples
commitment. Furthermore, passion connected couple is entirely different are driven apart. Intimacy cannot, or
and romantic love are not synonymous from maintaining intimacy in the face of should not be taken for granted, or
with intimacy. When the element of aging and illness. Intentionally planning expected to flourish without direct and
commitment is intentionally added for time and space for intimate relating, intentional attention. If they do not
to the dyadic relationship there is when the demands of raising children consider the factors inherent in intimate
a greater opportunity for enduring and managing work and finances relating which stem from the family
intimacy. However, intentionality places constraints on a relationship, of origin, both couple and therapist
is not a given in relationships. It is requires different skills. Negotiating are entering a difficult arena without
often considered non-romantic and the changes in closeness and distance the necessary tools for change.
therefore avoided. It is, nevertheless, inherent in being a couple alone, before
vital and essentially the main focus of or after the advent of children presents The ideas and examples presented
therapy, when complaints or concerns unique challenges. Throughout these here have been included with the
about intimacy are presented. different stages, the couple progresses idea that the method can be used as
most often without any specific both a way of examining the inherited
Conclusion skills other than those they acquired messages about intimacy and can
The infrastructure of intimate relating unknowingly in their families of origin. also be an introduction to actual
in a couple system is established in constellation work. For example,
The exercise that formed the skeleton when a diagram is constructed, the
the family of origin. It exists without
of this article is a respectful awareness- facilitator can have the client set
notice and frequently gets overlooked
raising intervention that is helpful to the up representatives in a manner that
by therapists working with couples.
couple and the therapist. It is also a mirrors the diagram. This leaves the
Furthermore this family of origin
useful tool for supervisors of therapists client in a position to examine visually
template is a factor that cannot
working with couples to assist them the template that resides within and
be accessed with any degree of
in eliminating unaware projections also provides the option to work
reliability by routine probes. Often
originating from the therapist’s family with this template and bring about a
the couple is patently unaware of
of origin. The authors have used this resolution that has the potential for
the possibility that they could be
exercise over twenty-five years of altering an intimate system in a manner
following in the footsteps of their
working with couples and supervisees. that has a far-reaching impact.
parents’ relationship and, even if they
Once the diagram is completed, the
are aware, loyalty may make them
subject is asked to tell ‘stories’ about
resistant to doing anything different.
their family of origin. The anecdotal
The majority of couples who elect reports give credence to the diagram.
REFERENCES
to go for therapy, or who have been
Intimacy is formulated in the primary
recommended to get therapy, have Bowen, M.(1994) Family
systems in the family; the relationship
complaints about the relationship that Therapy in Clinical Practice
between our parents; our relationship
can be translated to dissatisfaction with Jason Aronson, MD, USA.
with each parent; and our relationship
their intimate relating. The presenting
with our siblings. These, taken together, Hellinger, B., Weber, G. &
problems will rarely include the actual
emerge into a template of intimacy that Beaumont, H. (1998) Love’s
word intimacy, but rather the difficulty
follows us into our adult relationships. Hidden Symmetry. Zeig, Tucker
with intimacy is embedded within the
Each of these primary relationships & Co., Phoenix, Arizona, USA.
complaint. The most obvious is the
has an impact on our capacity for
transgression against relationship rules; Minuchin, S. (1974) Families
closeness and distance; issues of
the extra-marital affair. Others include and Family Therapy. Harvard
power and control; dominance;
the over simplistic report that he/she University Press, MA, USA.
functional and dysfunctional
doesn’t love the other anymore. Some
dependence and independence;
of the most common grievances that Napier, A.Y. & Whitaker C.A.
sexual activity; skills of negotiation
speak to the disturbance of intimacy (1978, 1988) The Family Crucible.
and compromise. Taken together,
are: the inability to communicate with Harper & Row, New York, USA.
these factors make up the complex
each other; the lack of time spent
fabric of intimacy and are irrevocably
together; the continuous ‘fights’;
tied to family of origin learning.
and difficulties with time, money

49
 Somatic Imaging: Constellations
& Embodiment
M. Jane Peterson Ph.D.

Jane Peterson, Ph.D., is the founder and director of the Human Systems Institute,
Inc. Jane has trained and given workshops in systemic constellation work in several
places in Asia, Brazil, Mexico, Canada, England, Europe and the U.S. In 2005, she
organised and sponsored the first U.S. Conference in the constellation work. The
Institute is currently offering its ninth year of training programmes. Jane started her
professional career as an engineer and manager in a high tech firm, and completed
most of a fine arts degree as well. She has studied Process-Oriented Psychology
with Arnold Mindell, and Peruvian Mysticism with Américo Yábar. Jane is a master
practitioner of Neuro-linguistic Programming, a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist,
a Certified Professional Behavioural Coach, a member of the Family Firm Institute,
and has special training in non-verbal communication and group dynamics. She
holds a doctorate in Human and Organizational Systems from Fielding Graduate
University.
[email protected]
www.human-systems-institute.com
Preface
This article represents the nexus between two different lines of inquiry that have informed my life for
the past ten or more years. The first is the practice of systemic constellation work in its many and
ever-changing forms. The second is an intense period of reading into the emerging field of social
cognitive neuroscience. Each represents two quite different ways of knowing. In the first, knowledge
comes as a result of engagement with a form of practice that I often experience as being beyond the
realm of language. In the second, knowledge is arrived at through a systematic process of hypothesis,
testing and observation, and discussion with others who are involved in similar forms of inquiry.

Since I recently worked my way with the vast world in all its mystery, describe what my own body intuitively
through graduate school as an older and then we forget that we really ‘knew’ about bodies in space.
adult, I was perhaps more given to know very little. Part of walking in
reflection than I might have been the footsteps of someone like Bert Discovering Mark Johnson’s
in my earlier years. Because of my Hellinger is to remain always open to elegant book: ‘The Meaning of the
deep engagement with constellation inquiry, to wonder, and to discovery. Body’, helped me understand that
work, reading some of these very I needed to teach constellation
technical papers was like visiting Constellation work and the work as an embodied practice.
a foreign country. The language of case of the missing body Johnson (2007) noted:
science was at once familiar and When I stepped into the training “Our intentionality seems to be directed
strange. In this foreign country, I arena of constellation work, it used ‘out there’ into the world… We are
travelled through a series of startling to puzzle me how participants would aware of what we see, but not of our
aha! moments when a resonance seem to be oblivious to the physical seeing. The bodily processes hide,
occurred between my experience of aspects of what I now only half- in order to make possible our fluid,
constellation work and the theories jokingly call ‘bodies in space’. It was automatic experiencing of the world…
and observations expressed by as if they didn’t see the slight twist When I reach out to pick up a cup, I
those in another realm of inquiry. of a representative’s shoulder that am not aware of the multitude of fine
meant more time was needed before motor adjustments or the ongoing co-
In sharing my journey of discovery
a healing sentence could be spoken. operation of hand and eye that make it
with you, I hope to stimulate dialogue
Or that positioning the client one inch possible for me to locate and touch the
among those of us who love this
back from of the personal space1 handle of the cup.” (p. 5).
form of praxis. I hope that we can
of the representative for the client’s
remember to ask ourselves what we
mother would allow the client to look So the body disappears, making
mean by ‘knowing field’ or ‘facilitation’
the knowing field

up and make contact with her mother’s our experience of the world seem
or ‘representation’ rather than have
representative. I was so acutely aware the agency of some invisible mind
these words slip from concepts to
of these slight physical nuances from that directs the body in its actions.
objects and become as encrusted
my years of studying non-verbal Philosopher Shaun Gallagher (2005)
with unexamined layers of meaning
communication that it was somewhat aptly made a distinction between body
as an old religious artifact. Once
painful to watch training participants schema: “a system of sensory-motor
words become mistaken for reality,
struggle. I found it very difficult to functions that operate below the level
we confuse our own small ideas

50
 the knowing field
of self-referential intentionality” (p. 26) meaning, for example, when we embodied beings, that without bodies
and body image, the perception and look across the room and realise: acting in space and time, we would not
attitudes we have of our own body “That’s John in a blue coat,” half have minds. As Smith and Thelen put it:
with regard to the social world we live a second before we raise our
in. The body is wiser than we think, hand to wave at our friend. “Cognition does not just reside
and, at the level of body schema, in organisms, but resides in their
more in charge of our behaviour coupled interactions with the world…
than we would like to believe. Some of our intelligence also appears
to be in the interface between the
A different kind of Tango: The ‘mind’ of body and the world.” (p. 287).
body leads and mind follows the family is Smith and Thelen proposed that human
The most startling evidence of the
primacy of body over mind is that reconstituted in development is the consequence of
the complex self-organisation of the
of Benjamin Libet (Libet, 1999; the bodies of the growing child. Instead of a fixed step-
Haggard & Libet, 2001). In an ladder of developmental stages, they
elegant series of experiments, Libet representatives, propose that the developing child finds
demonstrated that our awareness
of our intention to move our body
placed carefully in certain patterns of behaviour easier to
self-organise than others. For example,
occurs after our body has already the pattern that has walking becomes, at a certain weight
started to mobilise for movement. In
one of these experiments, he timed meaning for that and height, the easiest way for the
system to organise locomotion. Once
when participants were aware of family. walking is mastered, it becomes the
their decision to move an arm, and most attractive and easiest way for a
compared that to when their arm human being to move on a relatively flat
actually began to send impulses surface, even when wearing high heels.
to the muscles. His study showed When confronted with a steep incline,
Does this mean we are body-
that the participants’ bodies were in however, walking changes to climbing
robots, slaves to the unconscious
motion about a half a second before where arms and legs are both used to
accumulation of habits of living
they were aware of their intent to move forward. This happens without
acquired by our bodies? I don’t think
act. Libet showed that our brains any programming, but is a natural
so, though certain concepts of free will
‘backdate’ our conscious perceptions response of the shape and musculature
are called into question in light of this
to the time when the stimulus first of our body interacting with the ‘body’
research. Instead I think Libet’s work
arrives at the brain. This makes the of the steep hillside. This is true for our
challenges us to examine afresh what
half a second our brain needs to interactions with each other. Language
it means to be human and perhaps to
process any stimuli disappear from would not have emerged if we were
change our notions of what we are.
our awareness. Apparently our brains solitary foragers in the forest. Instead,
If we follow the common perception
have a clever way of backdating our we are inherently embodied social
of mind and body, we imagine that
conscious perceptions so that we beings, and language has gradually
we have minds, rather like having
think we are experiencing things as emerged from the complex interactions
on a pair of shoes or owning a car
they occur. In fact, our awareness of of human beings in different conditions.
that we can use to get to the corner
the world is about a half a second
grocery story. If we imagine that
behind the actual unfolding of events. Jeremy Shapiro, the dissertation chair
these minds tell our bodies when to
The body leads and the mind follows. of my committee, suffered a terrible
do what, then the notion of free will
We discover this time lag when our fire in his beautiful old apartment in
as mind-over-body is certainly up-
foot catches suddenly on a crack in New York City while I was in graduate
ended. If, however, we are something
the sidewalk that we didn’t expect or school. It took him two years to find
different from a mind-in-a-body, then
we stub a toe on a cabinet door that another apartment in New York City
this discovery makes more sense.
our mind didn’t expect to be open. where he lived. In the meantime most
of his possessions were packed away
As author, Rita Carter Mind emerges in the Dance
in boxes. He said it was as if he had
(Carter, 2002), put it: between Body, Brain, and World
lost his mind when his apartment
What is ‘mind’ anyway? And how burned. A dedicated scholar, he owned
“Consciousness, it seems, arises on do we reconcile the concept of ‘my many books that were as familiar to
a need-to-know basis and it doesn’t mind’ with a concept like the ‘knowing him as the back of his hand. Once
need to know about anything until that field’? How does my mind interact everything that survived the fire
something has been constructed by with the knowing field? Drawing on was packed away in those boxes,
the brain into an object or an event the Dynamical Systems Theory of however, it was as if his memory
that can be acted upon.” (p. 26). Linda Smith and Esther Thelen (2006), had been packed away with them.
I propose that what we think of as He could remember that he knew
It takes the brain time to process
mind arises in the interaction between something or which book it was in,
sensory stimuli and make that into

51
 and take, social order, and of course,
the knowing field that allows us to
perceive these patterns, are what is
happening now. We cannot say that
either the way we have described
these phenomena or these patterns
will continue forever, that they are
‘essential’ to human nature. We
can only claim that they are useful
descriptions now. In my reading of
Bert’s writing, especially his earlier
writing in English, he does not claim
he has found natural laws like gravity
(which may well also be the easiest,
lowest energy state for matter in
certain circumstances!), but rather
he has arrived at a useful description
for the behaviour he has observed. I
believe this is a very useful stance for
us to take as constellation facilitators.
It keeps us from reifying our concepts
and confusing our common sense
theories with the world as it is. It
allows us to remain interested and
but he could no longer reach on the violet’ in our yard rather than violets.
open to what is unfolding in front
shelf and retrieve that passage. His Where one appeared, by the next
of our eyes in each constellation. It
‘mind’ was no longer at his fingertips. rainfall there would be more. What if we
invites us into inquiry, to wonder, and
human beings are like that violet – one
What the work of these developmental to acknowledging that there is much
organism connected by roots that we
psychologists and complexity we cannot know as human beings.
don’t see because they don’t fit our
theorists implies is that pattern is If we decide that a concept like the
idea of what we are? If so, is it any
the result, not the origin, of form. knowing field is ‘real’ we become
surprise that we are able to ‘share’ a
Instead, patterns such as the common blind to other possibilities and cut
mind when we set up a constellation?
stages of child development emerge ourselves off from the richness that
The ‘mind’ of the family is reconstituted
spontaneously from the continuous other fields of explanation might offer.
in the bodies of the representatives,
interaction of embodied beings placed carefully in the pattern that
over time. We have certain kinds of has meaning for that family. Is it any
Somatic images
bodies, so we have certain kinds of surprise that we are affected and can I want to return to the violet for a
minds. While it is beyond the scope experience the particulars of that family moment before I close this article.
of this article to argue this point in mind when we stand in roles? If mind The discovery of the interconnected
more detail, I hope I have piqued is created in the shared interaction nature of violets intersected my world
the reader’s curiosity enough to of living beings in space and time, it at the same time as my practice
begin to question the assumptions makes sense that we can reconstitute of constellation work and reading
we have about mind and matter. a particular family through the patterns took a turn towards embodiment. I
of embodied interaction between began to notice that I could ‘see’ the
Violets and the Knowing Field the members. We do so through social system of each person that I
What are the implications of this for our own innate ability to be mind worked with. It was as if I could sense
constellation work? What if what we together. (We’re similar to the violet in the absent father, or the excluded
think of as the knowing field is the many ways. Where one human being grandmother in the way my client
result of embodied interaction over appears, soon there are more. There walked or held her shoulders. I began
time? I’m reminded of the woodland seem to be few places on our planet to notice that our body is our mind in
violets that have colonised my safe from the touch of human intent). a very real way, and our mind is the
backyard. At first, I thought they were history of our particular emergence
charming, until they took over my Just for a moment, let’s assume into the world in time and space. In
the knowing field

herb garden and flower-beds. Then I that complexity theory and dynamic the course of attempting to show
tried to remove them from at least a systems theory are good explanations participants in my training programmes
few beds. Each time I pulled out one for human development and behaviour. the vast richness of information
plant I discovered it was connected This would mean that concepts we carried within each person’s body,
to several others in a vast network have used to describe our experiences I began to notice that the past is
of underground roots. Over time my of human behaviour in family systems indeed present in each person’s body.
husband and I began to speak of ‘the such as: conscience, belonging, give I realised that the human body, like

52
 the knowing field
the violet, is inherently social. As I her somatic field, and this discovery Is it any wonder then that our body is
began to experiment with a process explained to her why she often found our primary means of understanding
called amplification that I learned herself in conflicts, even though relationship or that somatic images
from Arnold Mindell, I discovered that she was a genuinely nice person. reflect our own deep knowing of where
the whole family is always present we stand in our family system?
in each individual’s body. I named It takes a great deal of sensitivity to
this process of working with the work with a person in this way, and I hope that this article inspires
body to reveal the social system of it is difficult to put into words what you to keep questioning, to keep
the individual: Somatic Imaging. is primarily a somatic experience. your heart and body open to new
I hope the reader will at least be ways of knowing and seeing the
In the process, I open myself to interested in how our bodies carry constellation work you do. In this way,
the body of the other person. I look our social history. We are inherently the constellation field can continue
without any fixed ideas of “this arm embodied social beings. to self-organise and new and richer
hanging this way means that” and patterns of understanding and
so on. I just let myself be present You must be present to play description can continue to emerge.
with the other person, with attention After my studies and my own
to his or her physical form. After Notes:
experiments, I now find it very odd
a while I am usually drawn to a to say ‘a body’ or ‘the body’ when
1
The space that we can reach around
particular area of the person’s body. our bodies, out to our fingertips,
speaking of a human being. We are
is our peri-personal space. This
our bodies. Our body is an extension
As an example, I recall working with area is mapped in great detail in
of our particular family through time our brain and is often experienced
a large man who worked with his
and space. Our bodies are intimately as if it were part of our bodies.
hands in construction. Nothing special
connected with Life, and therefore
about the way he stood or moved Photo taken from Module 2 of the
connected with the Mystery that
captured the attention of the training training Jane did in Brazil, May 2008.
lies behind the source of Life.
participants working with him in that
particular learning exercise. I joined Where I grew up there were a few REFERENCES
them and after a bit noticed that one neighbourhood stores that would
shoulder was slightly raised and curled sponsor a free gift draw from time to Carter, R. (2002) Exploring
inward. I gently amplified that shoulder, time to encourage shoppers to come consciousness. University of
sensing carefully for any resistance. to their stores. We would all write our California Press, Los Angeles,USA.
names on a little piece of paper. The Gallagher, S. (2005) How the body
A very natural movement ensued
store-owner would put all these slips shapes the mind (1st ed.). Oxford
as this tall strong man rolled into a
into a big brown paper bag. He would University Press, Oxford, NY, USA.
foetal position on the floor. We just
then shake the bag to mix the papers,
stayed present with him and finally Haggard, P., & Libet, B. (2001)
and finally reach into the bag and pull
I said: “You look like a very small Conscious intention and brain
out one piece of paper. If your name
child.” It turned out this man had activity. Journal of Consciousness
was on the paper, you won the prize.
lost both parents at a very early Studies, 8(11) pp. 47-63.
There was only one catch, however,
age. This loss had defined his later
you had to be present at the store Johnson, M. (2007) The meaning
relationships with women as well.
when the draw took place to claim your of the body: Aesthetics of human
In another case I was working with prize. Hence the saying: “You must be understanding. University of
a woman who had volunteered for a present to win.” This phrase carries Chicago Press, Chicago, USA.
research project I was doing on these many layers of meaning for me now. Libet, B. (1999) How does
Somatic Images of our social systems. In order to facilitate constellations a conscious experience arise? The
As I walked in front of the woman, I particular kind of presence is called neural time factor. Brain Research
had a very strong visceral experience forth in us. In order to do this work Bulletin, 50(5/6) pp.339-340.
in my own body and a desire both to with another person, even if in our
mind’s eye, bodies in space are Smith, L. (2005) Cognition as a
protect myself and to strike at her. I
called for. We represent our sense of dynamic system: Principles from
took a few steps back from her and
relationship through proximity and Embodiment. Developmental
turned so that we were face to face.
distance, through gaze or aversion Review, 25, pp.278-298.
Without warning I quickly moved my
arms up into her personal space. She of the eyes, through a sense of Thelen, E. and Smith, L.B. (2006)
instantly responded by aggressively warmth or coldness. These are all the Dynamic Systems Theories. In
raising both fists, aimed at my face. I experiences we had as infants in the Handbook of Child Psychology,
asked who that was and she explained arms of our primary care-givers. We Volume 1, Theoretical Models
that her first marriage had been to a come into being inside another human of Human Development,
physically violent man, and that she being, made of the very stuff of our 6th Edition, William Damon
never knew when she would need to mother and father, emerging from a (Editor), Richard M. Lerner
defend herself. That man was still in particular family lineage and no other. (Volume editor), pp. 258-312.

53
 Reflecting Teams as Supervision:
Constellations as Dialogue
By M. Jane Peterson Ph.D.

To Supervise… concealed behind a one-way mirror know? I don’t have the answers to
Supervision, of course, means that in a room adjacent to the therapist these questions, and find myself asking
one who is an expert, or at least and client family offered direct, real- more questions as time passes.
knowledgeable about a task, watches time suggestions to the therapist
and client family. The reflecting team Instead of rejecting supervision out
over (super vision) the work of one of hand, I became interested in what
who is learning or new to a trade. It approach explored in this article
evolved out of this last approach. this practice could tell us about how
also suggests a difference in authority we transfer knowledge in our field.
and power between supervisor Supervision can, of course, be painful,
and supervisee. In many crafts, an
Or not?
humiliating, and discouraging if done
apprenticeship was often required Supervision is a controversial activity
poorly. On the other hand, useful
for a novice to master finer aspects among those who train constellation
feedback, however it comes to us,
of the trade. This way of transferring facilitators. Some trainers assert that
can encourage self-reflection and
embodied knowledge from expert to it is impossible to do supervision;
new awareness, and lead to personal
novice both preserved and advanced some that supervision is too damaging
growth and development. Such useful
the knowledge of the craft over time. to developing facilitators and
feedback can help us get out of the
To a large extent all of human culture should never be done. On the other
hall of mirrors of our own thoughts and
is built on some kind of transfer side, there are those who believe
glimpse the effects we have on others.
of expert knowledge, whether the that supervision is essential to the
Isn’t that what happens to some extent
craft is computer repair or growing development of good facilitators,
in a constellation? Seated at the edge
vegetables. This passing forward of and who believe that there should be
of the circle, we get a new view of
expert knowledge takes many forms, standards of practice and definitions
ourselves, our situation, and our effect
from the watch-listen-and-learn and of what constitutes good facilitation.
on the others in our world. Thorny
teaching stories of indigenous elders questions still remain, however:
embedded in high context cultures 1 to what standards of practice should
to the detailed manual writers of our Students may constellation facilitators be held, if
high tech Western low context culture.
secretly (or not any? What is good facilitation and how
would we know it? Can supervision
The concept of supervision
comes into the constellation field so secretly) covet provide a way for us to become more
self-reflective and aware as facilitators,
primarily from psychotherapy. In the some feedback trainers and students, or not?
psychotherapeutic community, the
supervisor meets with the clinician that lets them
Constellation Facilitators
to discuss casework, to provide an
opportunity to work through any
know whether or are Members of a
Conscience Group
difficulties the clinician may have not they are likely
with a client, and to ensure that the A colleague of mine once said that all
clinician follows best practices so to be accepted as teaching is a process of socialisation.
the client is well served. In order a member of the In this case, a would-be facilitator
(or student of any craft) learns the
for the supervisor to evaluate and
coach the clinician, they must agree group. behaviours and patterns that allow
upon definitions of what constitutes her to belong to the ‘constellation
good practice. In strategic family facilitator conscience group’. Students
therapy and brief therapy schools These extreme responses to naturally look to their trainers to define
the knowing field

such as the Mental Research Institute supervision intrigued me. I wondered what constellation work is. In addition,
in Palo Alto, California, one could about the experience of people who those of us who train usually accept
say that the idea of providing the were supervised, and of those who payment in exchange for our services.
therapist feedback took a turn. did the supervising. What was the What kind of results might our training
Instead of the after-the-fact coaching effect, if any, of supervision on the participants fairly expect in exchange
of supervision, a team of therapists quality of facilitation? How would I for their hard earned money? How will

54
 the knowing field
we, or they, know if the exchange of The 600 lb Gorilla in a pleasant role either. Trainers also
give and take has been fair? These the Training Room experience the need to belong, to
are important questions for trainers have students, to be accepted by
There is an old joke that asks: “What
s well as students and are an often their training group as a leader. Are
does a 600 lb gorilla get?” The answer
unexamined topic in our community. there ways to balance the tension
is: “Anything he (or she) wants.” One
between the performance-like nature of
In this article, I want to be clear I am does not argue with a 600 lb gorilla!
supervision and the inner state of flow
not speaking either for or against Supervision is often plagued by the
and connection needed to facilitate?
supervision. I describe an approach 600 lb gorilla problem. Even though the
used by the programme participants student facilitator may wish to ignore I had these questions on my mind when
and myself as the trainer, during a four- the supervisor and access that state I went to São Paulo this summer to
day supervision session that took place of equanimity and zen-like calm, it is lead a four-day supervision session that
in August this year in São Paulo, Brazil. impossible to ignore the 600 lb gorilla was part of an eight-module training
of the supervisor watching her from in organisational constellations. Was
The Paradoxical Nature the back of the training room. Knowing it possible to reduce the performance
of Supervision in one is being evaluated has a certain and evaluative aspects of supervision?
Constellation Work dampening effect on spontaneity. Can Was it possible to increase the sense
In traditional supervision a trainee a trainer provide supervision without of belonging and safety to experiment
is asked to do a piece of work with influencing the performance of the on the part of the novice facilitator?
a client in front of his training group student? In fact it is probably not Was there a way to provide reflection
and supervisor. The trainee is then possible. Speaking from experience, essential for growth and evolution
usually subjected to various forms working in front of peers and senior without dampening the students’
of feedback: some positive, some colleagues can develop a facilitator’s enthusiasm for learning? In preparing
negative. I wonder, after watching self-confidence, and at the same for this event, I remembered an
trainers with many years’ experience time, it isn’t easy. Just maintaining experience I had in another workshop
demonstrate their expertise, how are a calm centre can be challenging in with peer-led reflecting teams. Without
the students to feel at ease exposing a situation where you feel judged. any ‘supervisor’, the reflecting team
their imperfections and learning edges I made the case in another article in had provided thoughtful and thought-
in front of their peers and the trainers? this issue of the journal (pp.50-53) that provoking feedback for the students
In this situation, it could be difficult patterns result from our embodied who participated in the workshop.
for the novice facilitator to feel free to interactions in time and space, i.e. Could the reflecting team be used as
experiment and learn. The constellation from practice. If this is the case, then a form of constellation supervision?
could become more of a performance what we do, our practices, will shape
than a process that serves the what constellation work becomes. Reflecting Teams
client or the facilitator in training. Mindful reflection on our practices is Reflecting teams arose as an outgrowth
part of developing a vibrant community of structural systemic family therapy. In
On top of the performance pressure of practice. Constellation facilitation the original version of systemic family
created by the supervision setting, like any other craft is, at least in part, therapy, a team of therapists would
(and here, if the reader will forgive me, a learned skill. We need to develop observe the interviewing therapist and
I am going to assert a ‘best practice’) a body sense of the field, useful family from behind a one-way mirror. As
it is generally agreed that one needs responses to what arises when we the conversation between therapist and
to access a fairly centred, receptive work with clients or representatives, family progressed, the team behind the
state in order to be connected with and a kind of trustworthiness that mirror would discuss and decide on a
the client, the client’s system, the allows people to do their work with us. strategic intervention that they thought
representatives, and so on. Students, Learning to facilitate requires models would help the interviewing therapist
like most human beings aspiring to to emulate, times of trial and error, and family. At the appropriate moment,
join a particular conscience group, and feedback from sources – our they would call the interviewing
also secretly want to know: “How am I clients and representatives if not a therapist into the room behind the
doing?” “How does my work measure trainer. Even if we as trainers eschew one-way mirror and discuss a course
up against the so-called experts?” “Will doing supervision with our students, of action. The interviewing therapist
I be accepted?” Even if they spurn the our responses to our students are would then return to the family and
advice of experts or trainers, students giving them some kind of feedback. offer the intervention to the family.
may secretly (or not so secretly) covet As Gregory Bateson pointed out, it
some feedback that lets them know is not possible to not communicate. This model contained several built-
whether or not they are likely to be The question then becomes what in assumptions that reflected a
accepted as a member of the group. and how we give feedback and are particular mindset called modernism.
The desire for feedback and belonging we mindful of how we do that? While One assumption was that the team
can undermine the kind of working being evaluated can have a chilling of therapists behind the mirror was
flow that might generate the very effect on the fluid nature of facilitation, more of an expert about the family
positive feedback the student seeks. being the 600 lb gorilla isn’t necessarily than the family was about itself. Many

55
 family therapists came to believe Some essential learning has resulted Ways of Knowing – Modern
this approach was manipulative and from reflecting teams. One is that when and Postmodern
did not tap into the strength of the the team talks among themselves As constellation facilitators, we
family system. Another assumption and not to the interviewing therapist love our work. Our experience of
was there was a right way to ‘solve or family, the interviewing therapist constellations touches us deeply.
the family’s problem’. Any family and family are free to choose only Because we are loyal to our own
therapist soon discovers that many the comments that are most useful. conscience group we tend to overlook
stories exist for any particular Because the reflecting team does the value of other methods. Authors
situation facing a family – often as not make eye contact, the family such as Ursula Franke and Dan Booth
many stories as family members. and interviewing therapist are freed Cohen have shown that constellation
The same is true with therapists. from a need to validate or get into a work owes a debt to many wise
These teams often had many different social relationship with the members and insightful people who preceded
ideas and sometimes battles would of the reflecting team. Bert Hellinger Bert Hellinger. It can be helpful for
break out behind the one-way mirror noted this same effect on the Oslo us as constellation facilitators and
to determine which therapist’s DVDs (Hellinger, 2007) when he said trainers to pause for a moment and
interpretation was the ‘right’ one. that he does not look very long at look around at the other ways of
the client. Another observation from knowing and insights in the larger
Turning the Mirror around reflecting teams is that, knowing that field of human thought and feeling.
One day a therapist in Norway, the family members are listening, the
Tom Andersen (1991), became so therapists tend to talk in appreciative Different ways of knowing is also an
uncomfortable with the assumptions terms, finding strengths and wanting issue in supervision with some trainers
built into the one-way mirror system to support the development of the claiming that facilitation is harmed by
that he turned the mirror around. He family rather than criticise or tear analytic ways of thinking and others
switched the lights and microphones down family members. Finally, since claiming that such ways of knowing
between the two adjacent rooms the sharing is done in a round, each are useful. This past century is marked
so that the family and interviewing person on the therapist team receives a by a turn in thought from modern
therapist could watch and listen little time to speak or not on any given ideas – carried by developments in
through the one-way mirror while turn and the hierarchical competition the material sciences and physics
the therapists discussed the family’s between members of the reflecting – to postmodern ideas brought
situation. He was surprised to discover team of therapists falls away. Instead, about by feminist and constructivist
that – much like family constellations an open space develops where thought. The ideas that influenced
– this approach allowed the family new possibilities can emerge that the development of the reflecting
members to hear many different supports the strength of the family. team are rooted in ‘postmodern’
perspectives and to use those new thinking and I would like to mention
ideas to create a more functional story
of their experience. In this particular
case, the family and the interviewing
MODERN THOUGHT POSTMODERN THOUGHT
therapist were mired in a story of
the many difficult experiences the • Knowledge is something fixed, • Knowledge emerges out of
family faced. In dialoguing about immutable, and absolute, and our social interactions and talk
the family’s situation, the therapists is objectively knowable, i.e. and is contextual and specific,
a Uni-verse1 (There is one i.e. a Multi-verse 2 (There are
behind the mirror began to marvel at
true story which represents many different stories of the
the strength and endurance of the
‘either/or’ thinking). same ‘reality’ which represents
family. The therapist team began to ‘both/and’ thinking).
wonder what other stories this family
might create if they examined what • The knower (subject) and • The knower and the known
had allowed them to persevere in the the known (object) are create each other and
independent of each other. are interdependent.
face of such staggering difficulties.
After the therapists spoke, a long
• Language accurately reflects • Language is a vehicle for
silence filled the two rooms. Finally creating what we decide is
reality (i.e. an apple is really red
the family members began to smile. knowledge, and it is human
and has the property of redness
They were able to hear the therapist knowledge that we create
compared to the understanding
team’s comments and began to together, a knowledge that is
the knowing field

that the apple appears red

weave a new story that cast the in particular light conditions specific to a culture, a time, and
family in a more generous light. to this particular viewer). a place and people. (What was
Rather than describing themselves knowledge for ancient Mayans
as victims, they began to see might not be accepted as
themselves as successful survivors. knowledge for many of us today).

56
 the knowing field
them here. The shift in thinking that them. We pulled the reflecting team as representatives, and were asked
has occurred in the last hundred chairs a little closer to the facilitator to leave behind any thoughts they
years has influenced constellation and client to make it easier to form had had as members of the first
work as well as psychotherapy. Let’s the reflecting team later on. reflecting team. The constellation
compare what knowledge means in then progressed until the facilitator
both modern and postmodern ways Facilitator and client completed their and client reached a conclusion.
of knowing (see previous page). initial interview. The first reflecting
team then moved their chairs into a The second reflecting team then
Reflecting teams appeared to me to circle so they were looking at each formed a circle, engaging only with
be more aligned with incorporating other rather than the facilitator and themselves and leaving the facilitator
many different perspectives into one client. They went around the circle and client alone, and spoke among
field of knowing that are useful to and each made comments about their themselves (but so that the group
both the interviewing therapist (in our responses to what had happened. could hear) for about ten minutes or
case, the facilitator) and the family Team members were coached to so. We then closed the exploration
(in our case, the client). In looking for speak appreciatively and respectfully, with a group round, allowing each
a way to both empower the student and to remember that they might find person to comment as we went
facilitator and provide meaningful themselves in either the facilitator or around the circle one by one.
feedback, reflecting teams offered client chair as the training progressed.
a way of engaging the whole group The facilitator and client simply listened The Wonder of Inquiry
in the process and providing useful quietly, off-stage so to speak. What did we learn about supervision
feedback in a supportive way. using this approach? I know I learned
a lot! One of my concerns was whether
Peer Reflecting Teams
old habits of communication, especially
as Supervision
criticism, would appear, and if so,
Participants in this training were
Are there ways how it would affect the facilitator and
in the sixth of eight modules in an to balance the client. I asked the reflecting teams
organisational constellation training to find within themselves a place of
organised by Richard Hoffmann, Jan
tension between wonder, of kind-hearted interest in
Jacob Stam and Rubens Brescaine. the performance- the people in front of them. I drew
briefly on the practice of Appreciative
For most of them, this was the first
time they had stood in the role of like nature of Inquiry (Cooperrider, Sorenson, Jr.,
Whitney, Yaeger, 1999) since some
facilitator – they really were novices! I
so appreciated the courage, curiosity
supervision members of the group were familiar
and enthusiasm of this wonderful group and the inner with that approach. We spoke of
of students. They eagerly embraced Martin Buber’s concept of I and
our adventure into supervision.
state of flow Thou, of treating the ‘other’ as a living
We all learned a lot together. and connection being as complex and interesting as
we find ourselves. (Buber, 1970).
We didn’t have the adjacent rooms needed to
with fancy switchable microphones We ran into difficulty translating two
and one-way mirrors, so we had to facilitate? key English words: ‘wonder’ and
improvise. We were able to split our ‘inquiry’. Silvia Affonso, our interpreter,
group into sub-groups of about ten worked very diligently to find ways to
people per group. We created two communicate the open, receptive, and
When the first team had finished wondering perspective that I hoped
groups of reflecting teams for each
speaking they stood up and a to communicate. We never did find a
constellation – one for the chairwork
second reflecting team took the single word that expressed the same
or interview portion of the process,
chairs. The first team then became felt sense of awe, mystery, excitement,
and a second team for the floorwork.
the holding circle. The second team and interest that the word ‘wonder’
Each reflecting team consisted of three
then moved their chairs back into held for me. ‘Inquiry’ also proved
to four students. Client and facilitator
the group. The facilitator and client challenging to translate. The first word
both volunteered for their roles, as
took time to discuss the reflecting that Silvia found was ‘investigation’. My
did members of the both reflecting
team’s comments. Sometimes sense of inquiry is very different from
teams. The rest of the group members
this changed the facilitator and the hard-boiled, trench-coat wearing
were available to stand in roles and
client’s original impulse of what detective that investigation conjured
formed the holding circle for the work.
to set up, sometimes not. up. Inquiry for me requires mindfulness,
The facilitator and client sat together a sense of shared presence and
The facilitator and client then set up the
in front of the working area with opening to whatever may emerge.
constellation (if they decided one was
the reflecting team and other group Wonder and inquiry are two ways of
needed). Often the original reflecting
members in a semi-circle around being that serve reflecting teams well,
team members found themselves

57
 and, like dialogue, they aren’t always same kind of dialogic, open saying. In this situation, I became
easy to find or maintain. As one of the stance as facilitating did. receptive to new ideas. On the other
participants remarked, it’s much easier hand, if they exposed their ideas in
to be a critic when you are sitting on We noticed that two kinds of ‘mind’ a non-appreciative way, it created
the sidelines than when you are in were at work on the reflecting teams: something like a barrier between us.
the facilitator’s chair! Silvia and I and an ‘analytic mind’, and a ‘dialogic mind’ In this situation, I became totally closed
our enthusiastic Brazilian colleagues (see table below). These two ‘minds’ to the new ideas, and didn’t permit
did our best to find a common paralleled modern and postmodern those ideas to flow inside of me.”
understanding of what we hoped would thinking in many ways. We came
arise in the reflecting team rounds. up with this comparison of analytic Myself in the mirror
and dialogic ways of thinking. of the other
Constellations – and Several participants noted how
Of course, both ways of knowing can
Supervision – as Dialogue the reflecting team acted as both
be important at different points in the
Old habits die hard. Some participants constellation process. Often the stretch an amplifier and a mirror at the
mentioned that it was difficult to and growth for students comes from same time. The team amplified
give up their analytic and critical working with the least comfortable the facilitator’s own thinking and
perspective when they were in the way of knowing, not the one which acted like an extended mind for the
reflecting team. Cláudia Cruz summed they do best. Each way of knowing facilitator. Lucia Siglo commented:
up the challenge the members of the generated different ways of talking
reflecting team experienced in this way: “It was interesting to perceive that
among reflecting team members. When
some of what the reflecting team
engaged in an analytic perspective,
“Although I was in the role of an said were thoughts that appeared
participants made comments like:
observer, I felt as though I was in my head during the interview but
“The facilitator missed the point
participating in the constellation, that I chose not to bring up in the
when…” or “I give you a (score of)
connected to the presence, and conversation. Other feedback was
10 for good rapport.” In the dialogic
engaged with what was going on... completely new. In both cases, it was
mind, comments were: “I noticed I felt
… When I had the opportunity to like a surprise, as if seeing myself, and
confused when…” or “I was curious
share my perceptions with the group it was a ‘both-self’ (me and the client)
what it might be like if…” Cláudia
it was difficult to express them looking in a mirror, together discovering
Cruz noticed the effect that these two
in an appreciative way. It was a a new expression or a hidden wrinkle
different approaches had on her when
challenge …to share my ideas from (of the issue). In that sense it helped
she was in the role of facilitator:
an attitude of service instead of an the client and me to look together
intention of control and power.” “If they exposed their ideas in an into the issue, and choose what to
appreciative way, it automatically work on in a more precise way.”
We discovered that being on
opened a space inside of me, and
the reflecting team required the At the same time, participating in the
created an interest in what they were
various roles enabled participants to
see their own tendencies – whether
toward analytic or dialogic thought,
ANALYTIC MIND DIALOGIC MIND
and gave them an opportunity to
(MODERNISM) (POSTMODERNISM)
reflect on habits that might not
• Sense-making is primary. There • Expression is primary. be useful when facilitating.
is an outward focus. What There is an inward focus.
The experience of being a client in
does it mean? Hypothesising How do I feel about it?
this fishbowl was both unsettling and
and testing are important. The • Connections are also revealing. Lúcia Siglo commented:
Other is treated like an object important, creating a shared
to be studied, not a person. space open to multiple and “I felt a little exposed… The reflecting
• Distinctions and differences often different perspectives. team and whole group felt too close,
are more important, a kind of A colleague and mentor of and I realised that I was exposing
“it’s this, not that” or carving mine, Barnett Pearce (2007), much of myself (during the interview).
up of space is important. often puts it this way: “holding After the ideas of the reflecting
your own ground while being team…I received accurate feedback
• The important question seems to
profoundly open to the other.” through the questions that they
be: How do we go on together?
the knowing field

raised. It was as if my issue had been

There is an orientation towards • What is happening now is
opened so much that I could touch
future. What happens next? most important. Presence
‘my real question’ – not in a very
is most valued.
conscious way, but as a feeling.”

The hardest role seemed to be that of

group member. Cláudia commented:

58
 the knowing field
“For me this was the most challenging in the original sense of the words in • Thanks also to the assistants for
role. …I felt I should do something Greek implies continuous flow, where the course, Cláudia Mateo Truzzi,
and without permission to help. I the flowing is the meaning. In modern Cornelia Benesch, Maurício Goldstein,
think it was a big exercise in learning times, we see dialogue as the possible Oswaldo Santucci, Reginaldo
to let it be, to have confidence in connection between consciousness Teixeira Coelho, Tadeu Ohl.
the system and to be free from the and the universe. In the constellation
arrogance of thinking I should help. process, the flow of meaning is not • Thanks to programme participants
limited to the client and facilitator. Cornelia Benesch, Cláudia Cruz, Lúcia
Several commented that the Indeed initially there is an investigative Siglo, Tarso Firace for generously
experience of being on the reflecting dialogue between them, but soon after, taking time to respond to my
team allowed them enough both are occupying the same person, questions about their experiences
distance from the facilitation role the self, the me (consciousness) that and for broadening my understanding
to examine how they could be reveals the movement of the universe.” of this approach to supervision.
more effective as a facilitator.
I hope this article opens inquiry and • Any errors in this article or
Cornelia Benesch put it this way: dialogue in our field around questions in interpreting the comments
such as: What is a constellation? What of others are the author’s.
“During the process, some (people)
is good facilitation? Can constellation
opened up and let themselves embrace
work be taught? Are there common
other possibilities. It is essential for Notes:
best practices in facilitation? Can
facilitators to be able to do this, so
we supervise student facilitators, 1
Anthropologist Edward T. Hall coined
they can open themselves up entirely
and is there value in this practice the phrases: ‘high context’ and ‘low
for the client and his system, to leave
or not? Opening a dialogic space context’ culture. A high context culture,
their own world and perceive another
for the many different voices and such as Japan, does not spell out
one. It is a great exercise for every
perspectives on these issues can standards of behaviour and cultural
student to get into contact with the
only enrich our field of practice. expectations. It is assumed that you
empty centre, and to learn to feel it. In
as a member of the culture know the
my opinion, this exercise is extremely
Acknowledgements: unspoken rules and norms. In a low
useful for dialogic processes and
• Thanks to Richard Hoffmann and context culture, such as the U.S.,
every other form of communication.”
Jan Jacob Stam for organising this many expectations are spelt out and
I bring this article to a close with a training and for graciously inviting written agreements take the place
few comments from Tarso Firace: me to join the faculty. Thanks to of a handshake or word of honour.
Rubens Bresciane for his caring
“We like to think of dialogue as a
2
Universum and Multiversa are terms
organisation, and to Maria Silvia
conversation between two people. It found in Andersen, 1991, p.26.
Affonso for her expert translation.
is much more than that. Dáias logos,

REFERENCES

Andersen, T. (1991) The Reflecting Team: Dialogues and dialogues about the dialogues.
W.W. Norton & Co. New York, USA.

Anderson, H., Supervision as a collaborative learning community.

http://www.harleneanderson.org/Pages/supervisionbulletin.htm. Accessed 8.10.09.

Buber, M. (1970) I and Thou. Charles Scribner’s Sons, New York, USA.

Cooperrider, D. L., Sorensen, J., Peter F., Whitney, D., & Yaeger, T. F. (1999) Appreciative Inquiry: Rethinking human
organization toward a more positive theory of change. Stipes Publishing, LLC. Champaign, IL, USA.

Hellinger, B. (2007) Moving with the Spirit-Mind. On Moving with the Spirit-Mind.
Hellinger Institute of Norway, Oslo, Norway.

Hoffman, L. (2002) Family Therapy: An intimate history. W.W. Norton & Co, New York, USA.

Pearce, W. B. (2007) Making social worlds: A communication perspective. Blackwell Press, Oxford, UK.

Sissel Reichelt, A., Research for practice based evidence in family therapy.
http://www.nfft.no/site/bilder/sissel%20reichelt.pdf

59
 Personal Reflections
The Order of Women following
Men: An exploration
David Mathes

David Mathes is Constellation Facilitator and Gestalt Therapist working in Australia

and South East Asia. His interests are seeing how Constellations interact with other
modalities such as Spiritual Healing and Management & Leadership.
He doesn’t see Constellation work as a stand-alone practice, but views it as part of
a wider system of healing. He is currently exploring how aspects of Constellation
in his clients appear in other forms of healing and what this might mean. His other
interest is the idea of children as healers of their ancestors. He lives in Sydney
Australia and Guangzhou China.
[email protected]
www.innersuccess.net.au

Untangling the dilemmas of husband and wives working together and

what this means for organisations in general – a male perspective.
We went to dinner last night after who were in business together. But have given me a new understanding
the gathering. In China, that is what since I did not know the thread of the of roles in families and at work.
usually happens. The Constellation discussion, suddenly, a question was
organiser invites a few clients and we translated and presented to me. So I have seen in Constellations, in
have a very good meal – very good, I agreed: “Yes, it is very difficult.” Germany and Australia, where a
of course. It is a time for me to chill The conversation moved on. group of women had come together
out and maybe write some notes. I in the centre of the room to heal,
do not speak Mandarin, but I want Then in my isolation at the table, with some sort of beautiful ritual, and
to learn. The conversation turns to I began to think. Why? Why is the men have taken positions on the
Bert Hellinger. Someone at the table it so difficult for a man to follow outside, on the perimeter, maybe
recently went to his organisational his wife into a business? looking out, to protect the healing
workshop in Hong Kong. The gathering and the love. When I discussed this
It is a gender issue, yes, but like later with one of the women, and
today had focused on organisational
any situation, there are many told her my experience as a man,
issues and the case today concerned
perceptions and angles it can be she was greatly moved, as was I.
the difficulties of feeling worthy
viewed from and I can only view it
enough to receive money. It was a
from my male perspective. I grew up The second experience was spending
very deep case. However, the group
in a family where the girls and the boy some time in a spiritual community
held it well and was very patient as
(me) were treated very differently by of healers, where I received male
the client stayed with a very slowly
my parents, and that led to a split in energy and guidance, witnessed by
unfolding Constellation. The organiser
us siblings. My 60 year-old sister a woman. At first, I struggled to fully
had picked whom she invited to the
recently told me that it’s only in the understand this, that a woman had
gathering, those with a good level of
last two years that she has realised been so figural in my connection with
self-awareness. At least one person
she has a brother; she has been in male energy. And then, I became more
had studied Gestalt. Later we explored
some sort of denial. That was a big in touch with life and love coming
leadership and management issues.
cup of coffee between the two of us. from the mother, the feminine energy,
What a great space Constellations
I have consulted and trained in gender and honouring this. This experience
gives us to explore these dynamics.
differences and diversity for a few led me to remember the women in
But, let’s return to Bert. Apparently years, often to Australian government my life that had expressed love to
agencies. I have worked for four years me, and how much I had respected
the knowing field

Bert had said in Hong Kong that if

a man followed a woman into her in charities focused on men’s needs. that, even though quite often I had
business, it would be very difficult. It struggled to say to them: “I love you.”
Some recent experiences have shaped
is somewhat funny when you do not
how I see the roles of men and women, During this time, I suppose not by
understand a language. I knew that
and male and female energy. It is co-incidence, I was asked to act
the discussion was important. There
interesting how these experiences as consultant to a group of women
was at least one couple at the table

60
 the knowing field
Now I can make more sense of the an order regarding leadership; a ship
father often standing in first place in without a rudder is not so useful and
constellations, holding the boundary it is impossible to start a company
and protecting the love in the family. with just the staff and not the boss.
Now I start to think about the orders
So, back to the dinner in China. I think within leadership and management.
of all these things as the others talk, Do structure tasks come before
these experiences and teachings, and tasks regarding creating healthy
Bert’s statement. A thought comes relationships? We need also to fit
to me. When a man follows a woman in the tasks regarding direction and
into a business that she has already strategy and ‘making it happen’. Then
established, what are the roles that what happens if we overlay gender
who were in a recurring pattern of she has already taken? One of the
conflict. They had decided, due and family issues – interesting stuff.
first tasks of a new business is to set
to their experiences, to exclude the structure; this would include: the This is the answer in a simpler
men, and now they were finding it building, the organisation chart, the form I gave at the dinner table
difficult to relate to each other. functions, the job descriptions, the in China, and it seemed to make
So, recently I have started to pull hours of work. But as a woman she sense to everyone. Then the fish
all this together. I think that men or may have already taken the ‘love’ dish arrived and we moved on.
the male energy tends to give us role as well; she may be taking an
interest in the working relationships, Now I think of Constellations in
structure, form and protection, and terms of Order and Love, rather
women and the feminine energy in Human Resources. So now the
husband comes into the business; than the Orders of Love.
tend to give us love, relationship and
the weaving of life together. Men what role does he take? Traditionally
tend to hold the boundary within he will want the structure role, not the
which women can relate and love. relationship role. In addition, if he does
not get that role, he may wander about
I find sometimes as a therapist that aimlessly, feeling like he does not fit in.
my female clients find it hard to think
in terms of ‘parts’ of themselves as This leads me to another thought about
this is structural, but usually men the orders. I tend to talk about orders
find it quite easy. My way of thinking in organisations based on length of
is that the weaving of feminine and service, competence and amount at
masculine energy is important, stake, special contribution, and that is
and both come together to provide even before we get into family business
support for healthy relationships. issues. Within competence, there is

61
 The Male/Female Principle
in Family Constellations
By Sadhana Needham

Sadhana conducts intermittent training programmes with her business Family

Constellation Education on the Sunshine Coast of Australia, where she specialises
in psychic sensitivity training, soul science, soul parenting and mind management
programmes for women. Her primary passion is the promotion of the science of
meditation, to encourage understanding of soul science principles necessary for
human transformation and movement towards consciousness. She has formal
training in family constellation, past life therapy, metaphysics, esoteric science,
alchemical hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, counselling, workplace training and
assessment, and an assortment of many other healing modalities and energy work.
[email protected]
www.familyconstellationeducation.com

Introduction
Constellation work involves the reconciliation of what has been separated, as a pathway to
peace for the soul. It is clear that different countries, politics and religions form mental fields of
conscience that operate via the inclusions and exclusions that a particular conscience dictates. It
is also clear that there are consequences from every act of inclusion or exclusion in the knowing
field. We know that the Orders of Love are important here and laws of priority are paramount.
We have experienced that the knowing field exists and that mental fields exist wherever there
is a group. In this article I would like to take a closer look at these fields via a metaphysical
perspective that relates to the personal contribution of all Family Constellation workers.

What happens for us as facilitators and clients in all these fields? How do we contribute to them and
how are we affected by them and by each other? How do we act and what motivates our actions? The
effects of genetic, psychic, early patterning and conditioning can clearly be seen. It is also possible to
navigate our way to reconciliation with good psychotherapeutic training and various interpersonal skills
and abilities. It is here we attempt to rectify or restore that which has been distorted or forgotten.

The Masculine Principle to differentiate, and give focus to the of Family Constellation work, preparing
For some of us those restorative work. Weighing and comparing are an outer ‘house’ or ‘haven’, a ‘position’
and rectifying processes employ important here and so is expanding or ‘posture’ that our individual
a ‘mental’ approach, focusing on one’s territory. Achieving control over conscience can relate to and choose
systemic strategies for addressing one’s dominion and being absorbed in to be involved in. This masculine
identified needs and assessing what issues of success or failure also play a energy creates a ‘form’ to help facilitate
specific changes are required. Aims part; so do dominance, heroism, and the ‘formless’. Structures, maps and
and objectives are drawn up for conquering. These are all archetypal guidelines offer protection for the work
presenting systemic understanding to representations of characteristics and preserve its inner sacredness. It
a world of academics and affecting and behaviours that belong to the ‘hunts’ for new ways for the work to
a market place which is often masculine principle of life. The intellect adapt to old and new environments.
unreceptive and resistant to change. is acute, even cutting when it needs to
be. It has great potential for destruction All of this is the work of the masculine,
Family Constellations are marketed of the old and recreation of the new, the left brain of being human.
as something new and perhaps for a co-existence in the outer world
revolutionary. In an attempt to gain of matter and simultaneously relating The Feminine Principle
the knowing field

respect for the work and maybe it to the internal world. There is a need There is a very different energy for
enter the medical arena, specific to define in order to take action based approaching the same mental fields
indications and contra-indications on those definitions. The energy is of constellation work. Operating with
for the work may be outlined. assertive and strong and pushes along this kind of energy means entering the
the linear and horizontal lifelines of ‘mental field’ of conscience with a deep
This approach is outward-focused, survival and self-preservation, mapping and hidden personal magnetism and
using the masculine principle in order and setting the boundaries of the world yet with the same intention to rectify

62
 the knowing field
and restore what has been distorted
or forgotten and the same longing for
change, improved outcomes, respect
and recognition for the work. However,
the energy may appear passive,
all-encompassing, directionless,
motionless and unfocused.

This is the way of the heart – illogical,

imaginative, romantic, mythical and
even sometimes religious, seeking
beauty through grace and love. Using
the power of receptivity contained in
the womb-like nature of the feminine,
the primary focus is nature itself,
supporting the hidden pathways of the
soul’s environment and honouring the
sacred space necessary for movement
to happen. Family Constellations are
recognised not as something new, but
as something ancient; ‘origin’ takes
precedence over ‘originality’. Love and
magnetism breathe life into primordial
metaphysical blueprints that are
dying from lack of inner nourishment.
Nurturing is the prime motivation.

The magnetic movements of giving and

taking and of receiving and reaching,
create oceanic oscillations in these support movements of the spirit- We also need the feminine within to
mental fields that can only be felt and mind beyond conscience. Without take a stand in the present to integrate
seen as light in the eyes and beings of the coming together of left and right this strength given by the masculine.
all who participate. The focus is on the brain and the inclusion of both male
inner world, with co-existence also in and female, all of us remain only half a The future of family constellation work
both fields in order to relate the inner human being. All divisions, separations, and indeed the planet will depend on
to the outer. There is little interest in and fragmentations of being, internal our inner collective attitudes to these
defining, but rather in identifying what or external can be traced to this one current changes. The main goal of this
is, via the intuition and allowing action deep understanding – that deep down work is to bring consciousness and
to happen by itself. Such energy is we all long to be a whole human being attention to the restoration of balance
‘magnetic’ and moves backwards with a balance between logic and within us. This requires a loving co-
and forwards with giving and taking. It love, between intellect and intuition. operation of all opposing polarities
creates the momentum necessary for everywhere, however they manifest.
a movement of the soul to happen. If we can aspire to this integration, we
become anchored to the ‘origin’ of Embracing the Creative Future
This is the work of the feminine and the work we all love and are involved As we can see history has set
the right brain of being human. in. The teachings are sacred and precedence for the possibility
ancient and existed before Hellinger of holistic and transformative
Integration of both Principles was able to give form to them. Our perception. A few scientists and
Energy dynamics within the current work is to preserve this sacred gift mystics have studied the inner and
‘mental fields’ of Family Constellations which has surfaced at a time of great outer evolutionary polarities of being
can be directly related to the male and chaos – a chaos that is facilitating the human. They are celebrating the light
female principles of left and right brain disruption of paternalism and a male- on the horizon of holistic understanding
hemispheres. The male energy has dominated collective conscience. A and perception as a pathway to a
efficiency and direction, the female, new male energy is emerging out of creative future. The shared insights of
grace and love. For any work involving this chaos and is moving to unite with scientists and mystics alike begin the
transformation of human energy states, the feminine aspect both within and process of melting and merging into
both are needed. The momentum of without and to serve the feminine. We a single-pointed vision for humanity
the feminine provides the intensity need to be careful that our masculine as a whole, as one, as a unity of
required to take the ‘quantum leap’ energy does not get lost in dominance consciousness. They are looking via
into transcendence. The male energy and the wish to conquer which can two eyes towards a third eye of reality.
gives the direction and strength to so easily destroy the feminine.

63
 For myself, recent experiences and soul polarity we are looking, is immensely one-eyed perception with awareness, is
movements have led me to observe the helpful when attempting to let go of the only means to grow the awareness
following about perception as a whole. any prejudiced perception we may needed to transform opposition into
have. Each governing tendency of sameness. This can see us floundering
The left eye is the feminine eye that one-eyed sight takes root in past away in a dark sea of resistance
connects to the right side of the brain. history and in morphogenetic fields among waves of anger, pain, fear
Its governing tendencies include: of evolution. However, beyond and hatred until we are able to grasp
biological and psychological what has been separated and bring
• Romance
evolution of the body/mind, it back into the light of the present.
• Idealism awareness and consciousness
• Effects work to dissolve identifications Soul movement is the movement from
that prevent holistic perception. darkness (past history) to the light (love
• Subjectivity
in the present); that includes letting
• Metaphysics Looking in the present with two eyes go of all of our (one-eyed) ideas of
• Innocence requires an open, relaxed and receptive love. Morphogenetic fields are bound
• Victimisation training that involves meditation together by the past that plays out in
which can lead to the development of the conscience of all in the form of
• Receptivity
psychic insight or the awakening of guilt and innocence. I suspect that
The right eye is the masculine eye the ‘third eye’. This third reality sees every attempt to maintain a position
that connects to the left side of the beyond duality and begins to bring of guilt or innocence is secondary to
brain. Its governing tendencies include: together all that has been separated. a primary intention that avoids paying
• Rationality It creates a channel of understanding the price that looking with two eyes
that is able to reconcile and integrate commands: taking responsibility for
• Concepts
all perceived opposites. Ideally personal anger, pain, fear and hatred.
• Science this type of looking is necessary
• Causality to perceive soul movement in the This prompts me to ask: Is one-eyed
knowing field of Family Constellation vision the only thing that prevents
• Objectivity
work, and of course in life in general. the soul from moving towards love?
• The Physical Is looking beyond belonging, beyond
• Guilt However, such looking comes at a guilt and innocence and beyond the
• Perpetration great cost to the observer. The witness past, our only choice of action in the
has to confront and transform the three present? The difficulty is that we
• Creativity
main veils of the past that prevent can’t look beyond any of it whilst
the knowing field

• Protection present perception. These illusory still participating in it! One thing is
All differences and blind love veils manifest in fear, pain and anger, for sure, it is not love that transfers
that result in conflict are, in my culminate in various forms of hatred, the past into the present: it is pain,
view, a consequence of one-eyed and take their life from roots in the fear, anger and hatred. Each of
perception. Growing awareness about past and the two-dimensional world us has an opportunity to harness
‘how’ we perceive, and from which of opposites. Ironically the freewill these energies for transformation
movements to engage totally in every moment of the day.

64
 the knowing field
Trust: a freshness in the
centre of the chest
Amina Edlín Ortiz Graham

Amina Edlín Ortiz Graham is the head minister of the Nur Ashki al Jerrahi Sufi Order
of Mexico City and its branches in Brasil and the Caribbean. Her spiritual journey,
included formal studies on Advaita Vedanta and Zen Buddhism and she has
completed pilgrimages in the cities of Mecca, Medina, Jerusalem, India and Japan.

In the last 10 years she has been engaged in the global interfaith movement
offering training on Non Violent Communication Process. She founded the
Light within Light Institute where now a three year Family Constellation
international training, designed by Tiiu Bolzman and Angélica Olvera, is
offered in coordination with the CUDEC University of Mexico.

[email protected]
www.constelacionesfamiliaresmx.org

… A spring overflowing its springbox.

A freshness in the center of the chest.
This other intelligence does not turn yellow or stagnate.
It’s fluid, and it doesn’t move from outside to inside
through conduits of plumbing-learning.

This other knowing is a fountainhead

from within you, moving out.

Mevlana Rumi (1207-1273)

I’d like to share a little of my own being’s systemic field represents… the burden of trying to function from
internal process on the subject of I felt like I had to become some sort the place of knowing everything and
Trust, as I prepared to offer the service of a juggler, trying to sort out all the having to be in control of all the factors
of constellation work to others some different possibilities in my mind, at play. All that was needed was
time ago. This happened during and systemic and trans-generational, and for me to surrender to a movement
after studying the systemic and trans- at the back of my mind I was also that was beyond my own reach and
generational approach to therapy and worrying about all the possible factors always would be, no matter how much
receiving training from various sources, that I may not be able to perceive! ongoing professional indispensable
including experienced psychologists, in training I did. I suddenly realised
addition to Bert Hellinger’s intensives But then last year I saw Bert Hellinger that what was needed was a style of
here in Mexico and Argentina. After working at the Spirit-Mind level – the leadership similar to the way that I had
spending some time absorbing the term that he feels is an adequate been leading a Sufi community for
conceptual framework – the orders of translation for the Greek term ‘Nous’ many years i.e. witnessing that I was
love, the different consciences, and coined by Aristotle1 and I must say not the one really leading it. This shift
so on – and witnessing wonderful that a shift occurred within me. I felt of consciousness took me to a place of
psychotherapists do constellation liberated. He was working in what I trust, humble receptivity, and wonder
work, I went through a period of could relate to as a familiar state of that continues to unfold and expand.
great uneasiness and even suffering, emptiness and intuition, but most Suddenly I felt the permission to offer
especially when the time for me to importantly, a state of deep trust. the facilitation as a servant, and not like
facilitate a constellation approached. Actually, the seed of that shift was an expert selling his or her knowledge
I doubted myself; I wondered if I was initially sown after reading Hellinger’s to clients. That does not make the work
capable or would ever be capable description of the attitude of self- easier, though. It demands an ever
of doing this work, even though my restraint ideal for the facilitator 2 – a greater level of surrender to the field. It
heart was so deeply in it. This was reading I strongly recommend. This demands a greater commitment to the
because I was approaching the matter way of approaching the work clearly practice of stillness. It demands that
from the wrong place, trying to grasp became the axis of it all for me, in we move towards ‘dying before death’
all the possibilities that a human just an instant. It released me from according to the prophet Muhammad.

65
 The Spirit-Mind approach to the This kind of knowledge can’t be the other that surrenders to all of it and
constellation work has an undeniable acquired or calculated, but can only follows the movement of the knowing
degree of affinity with the legacy be recognised when encountered, as field – is an ideal state, as far as I
of Sufism and, for that matter, if the object that is observed reveals can see, for a facilitator. Yet this kind
with the legacy of the Gnostics its own nature and one can therefore of trust does not necessarily come
of all the great mystical sacred have a ‘taste’ (dhauq) of it. Such an easily for many students, because we
traditions. The awareness that these experience cannot be understood or have been so thoroughly trained in
traditions cultivate through their explained technically; this would be the subject-object perceptual mode.
diverse contemplative practices, like trying to convey to someone the
allows students to let go of limited flavour of honey by offering a precise Recently, I saw Hellinger directing
judgements and makes it possible explanation of its chemical contents. It a meditation in which he gradually
for them to develop that essential is also true that one can be led in a way guided facilitators into this empty
basic attitude of trust. Obviously, it to experience these most subtle innate space of total receptivity: first entering
is possible, by working exclusively modes of perception through a gradual the ‘night of the senses’, leaving
with, for example, the ‘orders of process of awakening, cultivation behind the sensorial perception; then
love’ to apply the methodology and refinement of these senses. the ‘night of knowing’, leaving behind
of constellation work without all rational knowledge and opening to
necessarily placing oneself in this ‘received knowledge’; then ‘the night
open, empty space of consciousness of personal will’, and finally ‘the night
and deep trust. However, for Self-restraint is of the soul’, where there is only the
working with the ‘Movements of darkness of ‘not knowing’. It is then
the Soul’ or ‘Movements of the
the result of trust. that “suddenly a light appears to guide
Spirit-Mind, it seems essential. It comes from the way for us to receive the necessary
knowledge, and not an acquired
Issues concerning the Spirit-Mind a place of deep knowledge.” This is a fitting exercise
approach are related, as far as I can that can be easily directed by a Sufi
see, to what we consider at this witnessing in master in a dergah 3 to the members
point in time to be legitimate ways of order to follow of a particular mystical Order but not
knowing, or epistemologies. When the the kind of session that one would
West began to place rational thinking the movement normally experience in an academic
and scientific knowledge above all
other existing epistemologies, we left
that comes from environment. To become aware of
these subtle faculties of perception
behind to some degree, the oppressive the field. in order to use them requires another
power of superstition. At the same kind of training in awareness that
time, perhaps without realising, we gradually brings the facilitator to a
turned our backs on the valuable fruits place in which he or she can rest
of epistemologies that are innate or in trust while all the indispensable
intrinsic to the human soul and allow us On the other hand, the subject- acquired rational knowledge follows,
to ‘know’ the essence of a being or an object rational mind, despite all its and not the other way around.
event in a flash. These faculties have amazing capacities, can easily disrupt
to be activated in the facilitator, if they the subtle process from which this I studied for a Bachelor’s degree in
are to work at this level of deep trust. kind of trust emerges. This way that Clinical Psychology in the late ’70s,
That might be a journey in itself into leads to the non-dual empty centre when Fritz Perls was the leading
the legacy of mysticism, of the ancient of consciousness from which trust innovative figure in the field of
living legacy of the science of Oneness. emerges, is a science in itself. It psychotherapy. After completing my
There are many places from which one is the science the Gnostics have B.A., I decided to work as a journalist
can look at a systemic field. But when empirically tested and traversed in instead, because in my heart I knew
one looks at it from the heart, or the different cultures throughout time, I had nothing to offer to potential
non dual faculties of phenomenological out of love for God. The greater the ‘patients’ that was truly valuable – my
perception, using direct contemplation dose of self-restraint the facilitator friends studying their Master’s degree
(shuhûd), direct intuition (ru’yat), displays, the better, because the and Ph.D. at Columbia University
and unveiling (kashf), the essential energy vacuum that the self-restraint in New York at the time were in the
knowledge emerges spontaneously. creates, allows the phenomenological same situation, which made me lose
heart at the prospect of continuing
the knowing field

These Arabic and Persian terms are to flow effortlessly. Self-restraint is the
familiar to the mystics of Islam, which result of trust. It comes from a place my studies. So, I totally gave up my
stress the subtleties of what we call, in of deep witnessing in order to follow work as a psychologist and turned
a general way, insight. The ‘unveiling’ the movement that comes from the my whole-hearted attention to the
refers to a comprehensive essential field. A subtle balance between both vision and legacy of the mystics.
knowledge which cannot be reached kinds of perception modes – the one
through rational or mental analysis. that is aware of the conceptual and

66
 the knowing field
During the 17 years I have worked Notes:
as a foreign correspondent, and
But I am certain 1
Lecture: Dimensions of Love,
continuing to the present time, I’ve about this: by Bert Hellinger. The Knowing
been an active member of the Halveti Field, Issue 11, January 2008.
Jerrahi Sufi Order of Istanbul, and later conscious or
unconscious El Intercambio; Didáctica de
2
became the minister of the Nur Ashki
al Jerrahi al Halveti Sufi Community Constelaciones Familiares;
in Mexico City. It’s been through efforts to divest Bert Hellinger, (Rigden Institut
my invaluable training on just being Gestalt of Barcelona, Spain).
‘fully a human being’ – which is what
the constellation
work from the Traditional Sufi gathering place.
3
essentially a mystical community is all
about – completely removed from the
Spirit-Mind Three therapists, including myself,
4

academic mentality, that I’ve found opened the Systemic Health Center
the valuable epistemology that helps
one to function as an empty vessel.
epistemology, in here in Mexico City (Centro de Salud
Sistémica) at the start of 2008.
My relatively recent encounter with order to obtain
the systemic and trans-generational
the approval from Reality (Inverness, CA: Golden Sufi
5

approach to therapy unexpectedly Center Publishing, 2003) and In the

re-connected me to my initial the prevalent Dark Places of Wisdom. Published in
professional starting point. Its fresh North America by Golden Sufi Center
knowledge combined with my training western academic Publishing (Inverness, CA, 1999) and in
as a Sufi practitioner have fortunately
come together offering me at last the
worldview, will not the UK by Duckworth (London, 2001).

blessed opportunity to fulfil explicitly be of service to

my original vocation 4. Paradoxically,
if you will, this convergence has
anyone.
happened outside of the formal
academic setting or any personal plan
I could have laid down for myself. PS:
I don’t know whether the constellation Only a couple of weeks ago, after
work will, in time, be legitimised by the writing the above article, I was
hard rational scientific paradigm that extremely glad to hear Bert Hellinger
has prevailed in the last centuries, or recommending Peter Kingsley’s books 5
if it will take on a life of its own within to the students taking the fourth
the alternative healing field. It is also intensive international training here in
possible that the academic paradigm México, at CUDEC University. In them,
will gradually evolve and claim a Dr. Kingsley traces back brilliantly the
holistic outlook of the human being as totally forgotten mystical spirit at the
the age of materialism hopefully fades. source of Western civilisation to the
I am sure that this is a relevant issue pre-socratic philosophers Parmenides
for some, and that they will follow up of Elea and others, and the tradition
on it with passion. The struggle against of iatromantis, or ‘physician seers’.
all that restrains true knowledge from According to Dr. Peter Kingsley,
validation must prevail. But I am certain iatromantis figures belonged to a
about this: conscious or unconscious wider Greek and Asian shamanic
efforts to divest the constellation work tradition with origins in Central Asia.
from the Spirit-Mind epistemology,
A main ecstatic, meditative practice of
in order to obtain the approval from
these healer-prophets was incubation
the prevalent western academic
(enkoimesis). More than just a medical
worldview, will not be of service to
technique, incubation reportedly
anyone. And on the other hand, if the
allowed a human being to experience
source epistemology where it rests is
a fourth state of consciousness
left floating in a conceptually vague
different from sleeping, dreaming, or
limbo, the space is left open for all
ordinary waking: a state that Kingsley
kinds of distortions, belief systems and
describes as ‘consciousness itself’
charlatanism to usurp its rightful place.
and likens to the turiya or samādhi
of the Indian yogic traditions.

67
 Poems:
Jan Crawford

Jan Crawford is the grateful daughter of Bill and Ruth Crawford. A psychotherapist
for thirty years and trauma specialist for ten years, she is certified in the work of
traumatologist Dr. Peter Levine. Jan is a student of Suzi Tucker and is also certified
by Hellinger Sciencia. She facilitates Legacy Circles in New York City and has
developed a new form of constellation work, Triadic Therapy. Jan has contributed
chapters to a number of books in psychology and spirituality.
[email protected]
www.essentialpsychotherapy.com

Until This Moment

I did not trust your eyes
The eyes I then looked for
In many faces and many faiths
I did not know
You would wait forever
That a mother always holds
Everything her child feels
Carrying her own life
The vastness
The shattered and indestructible
The context
Not like god
God
And I though childless
New in greater fullness
the knowing field

Wider into woman

A more enfolding eye

68
 the knowing field
Intensive Barcelona
My silence continues
In this staccato world
The German language bouncing
Sharp against its edges
Bright Spanish fans waving
with tears and laughter
Words only in languages I do not know
Flying faster than sound
Can we even breathe together
At such different speeds of life.
And by the end I see
What we can all do together
is say yes

Background everything – there is nothing that The second poem is based on the
These poems were written knowing does not now touch in fact that I found myself at an Intensive
during Bert Hellinger’s Barcelona me.Then as greater forces would where I spoke none of the languages
Intensive in September 2009. have it, in the final exercise of the (the background to this is too long
intensive I was asked to represent to go full into here); it turned out
After many movements within the mother of a lovely young woman that the only common language was
constellations during the last four who had essentially rejected her the field’s natural language of love,
years and with the help of an mother in two constellations Bert and this was more than enough.
exquisite representative, Carmen, did for her. As I now stepped easily
I was at last able to see past my into that same unbounded vastness
mother’s terrifying longing and that held everything she was, she
see what I now know was always dissolved in her mother’s arms.
beneath. And that changed

69
 La Pedrera Chimneys - Barcelona
the knowing field

70
 the knowing field
Book Review
Mark Johnson

I Carry Your Heart in My Heart:

Family Constellations in Prison
Dan Booth Cohen
Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag, Heidelberg, Germany.

“This book is about prisoners. It is for anyone who feels

trapped by emotions, circumstances, or relationships from
which they cannot escape.” (emphasis in original) (p.7).
This is the opening line from the was free to come and go from the she is scared and Raphael answers:
introduction of I Carry Your Heart in prison, many of the inmates had found
My Heart, and it beautifully captures a freedom on the inside that I could “ . . . Angela, when you left the place
the essence of the lessons presented only hope to find on the ‘outside’. where you weren’t anything and went
in the book’s first chapters. In this to the womb, you were scared. The
gem of a book, we are invited to The book is divided into two parts. The womb was filled with love. When
journey with Dan Booth Cohen and first powerfully describes the hands- you left Mama’s belly and came into
the volunteers inside the walls of on experience of constellations in life, you were scared. Life, for all its
Bay State Correctional Center in prison. The second is an academic troubles is filled with love. Now, when
Massachusetts where we meet the review of the deeply entwining roots you are leaving life, you are scared.
men of the Growing Together III of constellations. For me, the power You don’t want to go. But where
programme . . . and ourselves. As of the first section is hearing from you are going, love is waiting for you.
the inmates’ stories unfold, they the men and volunteers in their own When it’s my time I’ll see you there.”
draw us into subtly exploring our words. I was deeply touched at times
by the honest reflections of these men, “She said to me, ‘Rafael, I’m
own self-made prison walls.
who live as social outcasts, excluded not scared anymore’.” (p.64).
I have a personal interest in the subject from the view of the public. They form
Dan returns to the prison three
of prison work. Over 16 years ago, I the heart of this book. Dan shows
days after Angela’s death and
helped co-lead a weekly programme us with great sensitivity that in their
facilitates a ritual constellation
with inmates at a correctional facility humanity they are no different from
for Raphael, who later writes:
in Washington State. This was before the rest of us. He reminds us that the
my involvement in constellation work, Orders of Love know no bounds. They “I understood that to love a wife with
yet the spirit of healing was as palpably extend into all of the physical and a terminal illness and not to be able to
present then as is my experience of spiritual recesses of our existence. do anything to help feels painful and
constellations today. As Dan, in his despairing. Nonetheless, focusing
book, introduced us to each inmate’s We are allowed to peer into the hearts
on the immense love we shared and
story and their healing, I was easily of Raphael and his wife, Angela,
cherished, which continues to be very
reminded of the men I had come to who has visited him in prison every
alive in my heart, was the antidote to
know. All of them, like the inmates in Sunday for 15 years. When Angela is
my pain, suffering and immense sense
this book, would probably have died diagnosed with cancer and her health
of loss. I don’t deny that she is not
in prison. I also remember feeling worsens, Raphael struggles with not
physically present, but I can vividly
as if I had learned more from the being at the side of the woman who
feel her in the pure air I breathe, in
wisdom and courage of those ‘lifers’ has stood by him through so much.
the beautiful sunsets and in a kind
than they had from me. Although I Days before her death, Raphael is able
gesture of a human being.” (p.66).
to talk with her by telephone. She says

71
 Dan skilfully interweaves descriptions Kabbalah mysticism through Newton reference and an historical context
of individual constellations and and neuroscience to eventually land for the emergence and ongoing
inmate reflections to introduce basic squarely in the lap of tension between evolution of constellation work.
elements of the constellation process laboratory experimental psychology
and to illustrate many of Hellinger’s and the phenomenological stance In the end, I Carry Your Heart in My
foundational insights. Here, in a of constellations. This breathless, Heart’s two diverse portions sit
prison setting, we are left with a run-on synopsis is just a small taste together somewhat awkwardly. The
heightened awareness of such key of the rich feast that awaits! book might have been better served by
principles as: inclusion and exclusion, including a unifying concluding chapter.
guilt and innocence, and healing Dan carefully examines the ebb and I had hoped to be re-united with
between victims and perpetrators. flow of the ever-changing academic the men and volunteers of Growing
and clinical acceptance towards Together III within the context of the
This first part of the book speaks healing theory and practice. He new framework so ably rendered in Part
with simple grace and hard-fought provides a clear contrast between Two. By not integrating the poignant
honesty about a truth found in the more accepted evidence-based heart and soul of the first section with
an E. E. Cummings poem, which practices in psychology and the the intellectually stimulating second,
lends this book its title: phenomenological processes in Dan has left a division between
constellation. Dan writes convincingly ‘heart’ and ‘head’. I think it speaks
“Here is the deepest secret that the soul has a place in psychology. well of this book that I was eager to
nobody knows . . . And he pointedly lays out the argument be reconnected to these memorably
that empirical science is as dogmatic portrayed inmates. In the end we
I carry your heart (I carry it
and hierarchically bound as the intuitive remember these excluded members
in my heart)” (p.19).
mysticism it wishes to replace. I of our larger society. And in doing so,
Part One represents, for me, the found the chapter(s) referencing we are made more whole. I Carry Your
heart of the book and Part Two the ancient and contemporary role Heart in My Heart conveys emotional
the head. Dan clearly states: of spirit, soul, God and shamanic depth, clarity, and grace in this new
ancestors in constellations to be addition to our constellation library.
“This book is a reworking of a of particular resonance. For those
doctoral dissertation in psychology looking for solidly researched ground
. . .” in which he studied, “. . . the to stand on when discussing the
history of psychology, contemporary hidden dynamics of healing, this is
trends in clinical practice and a well-documented primer into the
methods of research.” (p.11). roots of constellation work in systems
theory, psychology and spirituality.
It is almost wholly academic in tone
and content and he does not reference Part Two is substantially more sourced
the men of Bay State Correctional than the first part. This is to be
Center again until the last two expected of the research part of a
paragraphs of the Afterword. Although dissertation, yet it did not take away
he discloses the book’s bifurcated from my interest in what was being
nature at the beginning, it may still be gleaned. I found myself referring
a bit jarring a transition for some. to the back of the book to make a
mental note to further look into the
Once I had managed to make Mark A. Johnson is president of
original source material. Occasionally
this shift from heart to head, I the Seattle Constellations Network
distracting are moments of inelegant
thoroughly enjoyed the scholarly (www.SeattleConstellations.net), an
editing and imperfect proofreading.
thrust of this section. Here, Dan association of independent facilitators,
explores various historical streams Of more concern regarding this trainers, students and promoters.
of thought that meander through otherwise strong section, was the He is the founder and director of
and water the roots of contemporary surprisingly weak ending. I re-read the Seattle Constellations Institute
psychology and constellations. This the final chapter to see if I had missed (www.SeattleConstellations.org),
is a robust excursion into history something crucial that would explain which offers training, education and
and, in some cases, pre-history. how such a well crafted piece could consulting for personal, professional
come to such an abrupt and lack- and organisational development. Mark
the knowing field

Dan wades into philosophical, social, is a Licensed Marriage and Family

lustre end. The short Afterword
scientific and religious history in order Therapist, systemic constellation
seemed an attempt to summarise
to bolster and challenge constellation facilitator and trainer in Seattle and may
his dissertation defence, but neither
work’s current place among the healing be reached at
was able to complete Part Two or
modalities. He somehow manages [email protected]
bring the two halves to a unifying
to take us through 30,000 years of
closure. Yet, overall, the second
shamanic traditions into pre-rabbinical
half gives a refreshing frame of

72
 the knowing field
Book Reviews
Annette Aubrey and
Francesca Mason Boring

Ancestral Blueprints: Revealing Invisible Truths

in America’s Soul
Lisa Iversen
Published by Family Constellations West
Publishing, Bellingham, WA., USA

This is a book about ‘the relationship between

psychotherapy, truth, ancestry, tribe and democracy’.
It provides an interesting and provocative examination of topics in
a text which is a contribution to the community of constellation
facilitators, as well as those interested in collective trauma, and
the impact of group conscience.

Lisa Iversen, long time psychotherapist At once challenging and • Double standards in federal
and constellation facilitator in compassionate, Iversen posits that immigration criteria for citizenship
Washington, USA, identifies the rather than seeking inner peace and due to inherited guilt on behalf of
challenge and the opportunity that health in therapists’ offices and a immigrant ancestors who took more
stands before Americans today: myriad of other ways, Americans would than they had permission to take.
to look back and see the full, benefit more from connecting with • Economic atonement for an
panoramic view of their heritage, their Tribe by embracing the collective economy built on slavery.
thereby reclaiming long lost parts of American shadow, owning what has
themselves and opening the door not been looked at and connecting, at • The disenfranchisement of
to a fuller, healthier existence. a deep and intimate level, with those certain groups of men who
who came before. In words similar to unconsciously remain loyal to
Iversen specifically challenges America those of Bert Hellinger she tells us, in ancestors separated from and
to look at its collective shadow. In essence, that if the American people unable to protect and provide
addition to the adventurous explorers would look at their shadow they would for their women and children.
who first captured, then settled the land no longer need to unconsciously • Marginalisation of war veterans
that would later become known as the remember and re-enact the unhealed due to an ambivalence about war.
United States of America, there exists wounding of their ancestors in so many
the seldom acknowledged shadow • A national focus on disease
painful and destructive ways today.
side of this nation’s early history: instead of health, reflecting a
Iversen identifies several issues profound confusion about life
“Beneath the European American which she links with America’s and death in America’s soul.
experience lies a dual inheritance and unhealed history, including: She speaks openly to these
atonement: unexpressed grief and issues, among others, expertly
hidden atonement for taking what • Traumatic bonding with the making the link between current
there was no permission to take. This unhealed wounds of the ancestors. pain and past wounding.
unseen inheritance, in each person, in • Obsession with guns and
families and in our country, has been Although there is a focus on the
gun violence out of loyalty to American experience, there is keen
waiting to be acknowledged, honoured unacknowledged bloodshed
and integrated with truth, compassion relevance for Australian and Canadian
on American soil. facilitators and populations in this
and acceptance.” (Preface, page X).

73
 book. Lisa’s work raises consciousness the experiences and comments of recognised teachers in the Systemic
about the wide-ranging systemic participants in constellations. This book Constellations field. She attended
effects of colonialism that have is provocative, soulful and inspiring. Germany’s First International Training
permeated America’s soul. We can Intensive for English speakers in 2001
expect that the effect would be similar A summary of the creative process and Germany’s Second Conference on
in other countries with similar roots. of a sculpture representing the flow Spirituality and Constellations Work.
of family is shared by Niza Cornelia Lisa has been integrating constellation
“With all that is truly remarkable about Nicola, constellation facilitator from wisdom into her psychotherapy
our country’s history, we have forgotten Freiburg, Germany. In describing practice, teaching and leading circles
that it was created by founding fathers her intimate experience in carving a rooted in ancestral resonance since
and mothers with human traits. While lineage of women Cornelia writes: 1999. She lives in the Pacific Northwest
history tends to mythologize them, of the United States with her husband,
they had flaws, imperfections and “And then there are all our female
daughter and border collie puppy.
shadows just like everyone else, as ancestors, who built, by their lives
did people of all lands who simply and destinies, the Cathedral of Life. Editor’s Note:
lived and worked and raised families They were and are gates, where life
Ancestral Blueprints: Revealing
on this soil. Mythologizing history by comes to us. They are embodied
Invisible Truths in Americas Soul has
defending colonial ancestors keeps us in our living family members.”
just been released and is available for
from learning and growing as a nation. purchase at www.lisaiversen.com.
“They are also our heritage in our
It prevents us from acknowledging
DNA and the movement in our souls.
the price paid by those who All words have been given
Our souls are touched by all their
experienced colonization, enslavement, English spelling except for direct
successes, which are gifts to us, who
and other forms of oppression quotations from the book.
live now. Our souls also resonate with
throughout U.S. history.” (p. 49).
their unfinished work, their burdens.
This book provides an excellent It is now our time to embrace the
introduction to Systemic Constellation gifts and deal with the burdens.”
work, with a chapter dedicated to
Since receiving her Master’s degree
describing the fundamental elements
in Social Work in 1992, Lisa has been
of the constellation process. In a
a practicing psychotherapist. Her
chapter entitled: ‘Roots and Routines’
expertise includes trauma recovery,
Lisa outlines a series of exercises with
loss and grief and working with
which one can integrate family systems
disenfranchised populations. Since
constellations concepts and support a
1998 she has worked multiple times
sense of connection to ancestry. The
with Bert Hellinger, Sneh Victoria
material is presented in a very readable
Schnabel, Daan van Kampenhout
and accessible style, with sidebar
and many other internationally
comments throughout expressing
Francesca Mason Boring is an enrolled
member of the Shoshone Nation and
Annette Aubrey is a Constellations facilitator in the bi-cultural author of Coyote Dance,
Calgary, Canada. She has offered Family and (Llumina Press) Feather Medicine
Medical Constellations in her Therapy practice (Llumina Press). In September 2009,
for several years; more recently, as a newly a German translation of Francesca’s
trained Coach and Consultant, she has included newest book will be released in
Business Constellations. Annette is a champion Germany: Botschaften aus dem
of Constellation work: from authoring a series indigenen Feld: rituelle Elemente und
of children’s books based on Constellation Zeremonien in Systemaufstellungen
principles (QED Publishing, London, England), (Carl-Auer). Influenced by the
for use in families, classrooms and counselling philosophy of indigenous wisdom
offices, to creating a peer consultation and traditions, native american elders,
development forum for Constellation facilitators Bert Hellinger and numerous early
to mentoring new facilitators, Annette is masters of constellation work; she has
dedicated to the advancement of Systemic facilitated or taught Family, Human
the knowing field

Constellation principles and practice. She is and Natural Systems Constellation and
indebted to Bert Helllinger and her trainer, Constellation as Ceremony in Germany,
Heinz Stark, along with several other wonderful Holland, Switzerland, Canada, Australia,
teachers, including Francesca Boring, Jane Singapore and the Western U.S.
Peterson and others. [email protected]
[email protected] www.allmyrelationsconstellations.com
www.aubreyassociates.com

74
 the knowing field

Greg Pritchett is an artist who makes his home in Rural NE Washington. Descendent of
European Immigrants, African slaves and Native American ancestors, Greg represents
the connection of the human soul, nature and the ancestors in his work and life.

75
 Book Extract
In the Presence of Many
Reflections on Constellations
Emphasising the Individual Context
Vivian Broughton
Green Balloon Publishing, Somerset, UK.

“As for me, all I know is that I know nothing.” Socrates

Part I Chapter 8 emotional experience, a collection of listening to ourselves, an intimate

embodied phenomena that our mind negotiation between hypotheses and
Phenomenology, Embodiment terms as ‘grief’. Attending to the actual energetic possibility, between what
and Meaning-making description of phenomena keeps one we may think should be and what
According to Socrates, the secret of the closer to the actual reality rather than actually is.” (Broughton, 2008).
wise person is the ability to prevent the one’s perhaps biased interpretation
mind from forming hardened patterns (hardened patterns) of that reality. As facilitators therefore we
of knowledge, that are then difficult to are required to cultivate:
change, and so keeping the process of So in a phenomenological
approach description is valued over • interpretative restraint
knowing in a receptive and open state
of creative chaos, out of which new interpretation and all phenomena • a high tolerance of uncertainty
insights can emerge. This is the ground are regarded as having equal and the unknown
for a phenomenological approach. potential value in the beginning.
• a lack of intent
Phenomenology … means subjecting • a diminished need to be right
myself to larger contexts and “What is necessary is for the therapist,
connections, without needing to The less the client, and the representatives to be
understand them. I accept them
without any intention of helping or
interpreted truth is completely free of intent and fear, and
to allow the essential reality to emerge.
proving anything. I submit without that which we find They have to agree to this reality as
fear of what might arise… I face
everything exactly the way it is. in the experiences it is, without resorting to previously
held theories, biases, or experiences.
(Hellinger in ten Hovel, 1999). in our bodies. This is a psychotherapeutic
application of a phenomenological
The constellations process is applied
stance.” (Hellinger, 2003).
phenomenological bodywork. Our
interest therefore is focused mainly “Our phenomenological approach relies In the representative experience,
on the embodied experience of the on moment-by-moment observation, it is usually of more value to begin
representatives, on the phenomena a non-judgemental approach to all with the embodied experience
of experience as opposed to the phenomena as having potentially of the representative rather than
interpretation of these phenomena. equal relevance, and a high tolerance interpretations of that experience.
the knowing field

The less interpreted truth is that of uncertainty. It places a strong Embodied experience is best
which we find in the experiences in value on the emergence of a truth expressed in terms of change, for
our bodies. It is by attending to the that we may not have any previous example as in: “What changed in you
experience in our bodies that we can knowledge of. This asks a lot of us as since that happened?” or: “Does this
reach the understanding that we are, practitioners. It is constantly a delicate feel better or worse?” Most people
for example, grieving. The experience balancing act between trusting the answer this sort of question readily
of loss is a deeply physical and constellation and the process, and and it gives them a clear indication

76
 the knowing field
of how to answer. Questions such if I make interpretations they may setting up the constellation and guiding
as: “What is happening now?” or conflict with the other’s interpretation the client through the initial steps. I
“What happens when you do that?” and how do we decide on which to cannot stress this too much: taking the
can also be useful but are less clearly follow? Again, the client’s vulnerability beginning stages of inviting the client
oriented to the body. Questions such may bias him to agree to mine. As into this work of being a representative
as: “What is important?” or “What do a facilitator I can offer my view on with care and time will result in a
you think?” orient one more towards something, but the meaning that a more productive process in the end.
thinking and interpretation and are person makes of his own life is and
likely to take the representative away should be his own. My own position is The more that one can help the client
from their embodied experience. that I am never cleverer at this than the disconnect from his own version of the
Ideally a facilitator helps the client... after an hour or two of working story, the easier it is for him to take up
representatives stay with their with the client how can I possibly a useful representative role. I think of
embodied experience by minimising know more about him than he does, this as a question of degrees: to what
questions, focusing on the physical whether his knowing is conscious, degree at this time can this client make
and experiential and keeping it simple. semi-conscious or unconscious. In my the shift into being a representative?
view as a facilitator, Socrates’ stance It is a delicate matter. We can help the
In the individual session particular is more helpful to me and the client. client to some extent to move away
care is needed in the process of from his story, and this extent will
helping a client become available fluctuate with the process of the work.
as a representative in their own For example, if the issue is traumatic
constellation, as in the absence for the client, which it often is, then the
of the fertile responses of the Our impulse closer we get to the ‘turning point’ or
representatives there is a strong to premature contact point of the constellation, the
pull to be more interpretative. more the client is likely to recede back
meaning- into the old story. This is simply to do
Meaning Making
making….is with what Ruppert calls the ‘surviving
self’, the function of which is to hold
We are all compulsive and fast
meaning-makers. In our more perilous usually motivated the boundary between consciousness
and safety and the trauma, keeping
past (as hunters and gatherers)
speedy meaning-making saved lives.
by fear of the the trauma out of consciousness.
However, we often make meaning as if unknown, Ways of enabling the client to
we were still in a dangerous situation.
Our impulse to premature meaning- insecurity about disconnect enough from his story
include:
making – completing partly completed uncertainty and a
pictures where insufficient information 1. Allowing him to tell you the story
is available -- is usually motivated by cultural need to he needs to, which may involve
fear of the unknown, insecurity about
uncertainty and a cultural need to be
be right. waiting until he comes to a stop,
or attending to when he begins
right. But of course this ‘filling in of telling you the same story but in a
the gaps’ sometimes gets us to the different way. Unless the client is
wrong place; two and two become five relatively empty of his need to tell
rather than four. In the beginnings of Part II Chapter 23 you about his difficulties, he will
our facilitation experience it may seem not have space to do much else.
The Client and the Facilitator
a frightening situation to be in, and Of course, this does not mean
may stimulate for us other frightening Treat everything tenderly and with care
letting him talk for hours... this
and even traumatic situations in our at the beginning, so that the return may
is not practical or useful. In my
lives, where knowing what was what lead to a flowering. I Ching (1971).
experience, people have always
seemed crucial to our survival. Or told me enough after about twenty
it may re-stimulate a primitive need The Client:
minutes maximum in the individual
to know the answer, to be right. In an individual setting with a client session... from there on it is usually
who is new to the work, the beginning repetition, or giving me more and
There are two difficulties with the of the actual constellation involves a more examples of the issue in
facilitator making interpretations from dual-layered process. Obviously, you different ways. Some clients are,
their own meaning-making. One is are working with the constellation, but to be sure, so enmeshed with their
that as social beings we are drawn to at the same time you are teaching the story that they cannot reach a place
consensus and agreement, and in the client how to become a representative of relative emptiness, in which case
vulnerable atmosphere for the client in his own constellation. This requires you may need to bring it to a stop.
of the constellations process it may a slowing down of the process and,
be easy (and easier) for the client to for the facilitator, meticulous attention 2. Making a clearly defined separation
agree to my meaning; and secondly in the beginning to the procedure of between the telling of his story

77
 and the proposal to set up the feels right. Sometimes with floor • “What do you notice
constellation. If we have not come markers, if I am not sure about his in your body?”
to a place where it is clear what we clarity in placing it, I will stand on • “Just attend to your bodily
need to do, I might say to the client: the marker and ask him to check, experience here.”
• “Well you have told me quite as if he was placing me as a person
to be a representative, that he has 8. To help him get a sense of being
a lot now about your issue, surrounded by people I may
do you think you are ready to placed it in the right place. Then,
continuing with each marker in turn. stand briefly on other markers
set up a constellation?” or: around the one he is on, and
• “Perhaps we can stay with Of course, some clients will, in spite of then come back to him to see
what you have said so far, all efforts on the part of the facilitator, what, if anything, changes when
set up something and see set up the constellation speedily, and he has this sense of others.
where we go…’” or: so usually representing their conscious
idea of the family... they have not been 9. This process can be repeated
• “You seem to feel rather able to disconnect from the story. for each of the markers. You will
overwhelmed by all of this, That is just how it is, and you cannot be able to tell as you go along
let’s just sit for a moment and force it. It is best to accept this and how the client is doing at taking
see what we should do next.” go with the client at the level at which on this process, and of course it
3. It does not help the client make a they can engage with the process. will speed up as you continue.
separation if I do not clearly stop 10. In situations where you do not think
the telling process. I might need that the client is able to disconnect
to say that it is enough for now, from his idea of things enough
and stop any further going back to get a good representation
to the story. Some clients are you can try the following:
Take time to introduce the client
to what we are going to do next: ….so enmeshed Ask the client as he stands up from
his seat to leave all of his issues
talk about the media we may
use, prepare the room (bringing
with their story and concerns in the chair, and to
consciously step away from it as
in a table if we are going to use that they cannot he moves towards setting up the
table-top markers, clearing the
furniture a bit if we are going to
reach a place constellation. If you are working
with tabletop markers, ask him to sit
use floor markers). This may seem of relative differently, to shift his position with
like an unnecessary formalising
of the process, but it takes a few emptiness… awareness, so as to let the issues
and concerns go. You could suggest
moments and that few moments he takes a cushion and puts all of his
of separation will help shift him story and concerns into it and then
out of the somewhat trance-like places it somewhere in the room, at
state that the client is often in 7. Ask the client to stand on his own
marker first. I have found it to be a good distance from where the two
when he is telling his story. of you are sitting with the table.
helpful to have the client stand
4. Give him the media to hold and on the markers in a certain order
feel, either the pieces of felt or You can set up a marker (either floor
– from the seemingly easiest to
paper, or the tabletop markers. or table-top) to represent a neutral or
the seemingly most challenging
Take time over indicating any Meta place, or wise person place...
– as helpful in guiding him into
distinguishing features (notches in this would be a place where he can
the process. Standing on his own
pieces of felt to indicate direction be without all of the issues and make
marker is usually a confirmation of
that the marker faces, male and comments on the constellation.
what he knows. It may heighten
female if your markers define this). He connects with his observing
it for him, but often does not
self. Sometimes in the middle of
5. Invite him to choose, one by produce anything particularly
a constellation that has become
one, the markers for those to be new. This does not matter; it is
complicated, I will suggest we both
represented, but suggest that the first step and introduces him
go to this place and connect with
he does not place them yet. to the business of standing on
each other and comment together
a marker and attending to his
6. Then invite him to take one marker, on what has happened so far.
experience. I encourage him to be
make contact within himself as to
the knowing field

aware of his body, directing his Ask him if there is a part of him that
whom it represents, and place it
attention to his physical experience knows what it is like not to have
on the table or in the room where
first. I will use terms such as: these issues (or a moment in his
he feels is right. If I am using floor
markers I will invite him to stand, • “How do you stand when life when he felt free of the issues)
holding the marker, and follow his on this marker?” and set up a marker for this.
feet or his body to the place that • “How is your breathing?”

78
 the knowing field
Another possibility is to purposefully to marker, and he will become my hypotheses. She trusts her own
include in the constellation a freer with his contributions as a experiences more now, and if she
marker for an abstract value such representative. As this happens the needs to, she knows she can follow me
as: ‘unconditional love’, ‘wisdom’, facilitator can also be more active onto a marker to check the experience
‘dignity’, or something more specific as a representative herself, while the for herself. I feel able to immerse myself
such as: ‘what is as yet unknown in client can include the facilitator’s in the moment to an experience, even
this constellation’ or ‘that which has contributions with more confidence. to the point of expressing an emotion
yet to be included’, or ‘the person in that arises spontaneously and urgently.
this system with whom this situation The Facilitator
originated’. These more abstract In the individual session there are As a client’s long dead sister I have
markers can be very helpful because, some additional functions that the felt the most overwhelming love for the
while the client may have a very strong facilitator may take on during the client and shown it with my eyes and
and fixed idea about how the known constellation. These include serving my face; I have experienced the spine-
people in his story might be - to the as a representative by standing tingling effect of standing in amongst
point of not being able to disconnect on a marker, offering information a mass of markers representing the
enough to discover anything new - he from the representative position, people exploited by the client’s family;
is unlikely to be able to do this with providing a focus for the client to I have experienced the panic and
an abstract or unknown element. speak to and offering her experience dread of a long lost great-grandfather
Additionally, these abstract or unknown of receiving what is said and so on. who had been incarcerated in a
elements will often transmute into that concentration camp; I have felt the
which has not yet been included but The later movements in the individual enduring grief of a mother who lost her
is necessary for the constellation. constellation, when the client is mother when she was just a child.
more at home with the process, and
Most people will get the hang of it I am able to freely use my skills and Editor’s Note:
quite quickly, and you will be able to experience, may become rather like a This book will be published in
move on to working directly with the sensitively choreographed piece, both December 2009 and a review
constellation, while using your client of us moving with fluidity and surety, will be written for issue 16 of The
and yourself as good representatives. each checking with the other, using Knowing Field. Advance orders can
If at any time you have the sense that each other in a satisfyingly co-created be placed with Vivian by emailing
you have lost your connection with the venture. At this level, the client may her at the address given below.
person, or the constellation seems to have the confidence to ask me to stand
have got stuck, you can always take on a particular marker so she can say
both of you out of the constellation, important things to me, and I have the
see what is going on for the client, and ability to shift in and out of roles freely
ask him to go to a more neutral place as required, from marker to facilitator,
and so on. He may have gone back and back to marker. I can share with
into his story too much, or it is often confidence my experience at any place
the case that he has been triggered by in the constellation because the client
something, and it is useful to take a has come to trust my honesty and
bit of time out to see what happened. exploratory approach, my uncertainty
and my certainty. She knows by now
As the client becomes more used to that I approach a marker from a place
the process it will be easier for him of curiosity and openness, that I will
to know how to move from marker not use it as a means of imposing

Vivian started in business administration, initially in advertising and subsequently

professional sports management. In the early ‘80s she spent ten years training in
Traditional Acupuncture, Person-Centred Counselling and Gestalt Psychotherapy. She
practised acupuncture for 10 years and psychotherapy for 20 years in private practice,
co-facilitating groups, supervising and teaching Gestalt. She first saw Hellinger working
in 1995 and met Albrecht Mahr in 1998. In 2000 she invited Albrecht to the UK to teach
her and others, an arrangement that continued until 2007 when Vivian took over the
training. She has invited prominent constellations facilitators to the UK, most notably
Franz Ruppert whose work has had a particular impact on her own work. She works in
private sessions and groups, does some larger systems constellations and Open Space
work. She continues to run CWT’s training programme, and is discovering herself as a
writer. She is a member of ISCA and on the Advisory Panel for the Knowing Field.

[email protected]
www.constellationswork.co.uk

79
 w

Letter to the Editor

Dear Barbara,

I realise that it is ten years since the Journal started its life. I really want to appreciate the founders, Barbara
Stones and Jutta ten Herkel, for their initiative in starting the Journal (originally known as the Systemic
Solutions Bulletin) and you for your continuing commitment, dedication and determined persistence.

Any successful profession must have its journal where articles, discussions, cutting-edge and new
discoveries in the field can be disseminated, and the Constellations world is made all the more
substantial by having its own publication in English for the English speaking parts of the world.

The quality of the Journal is superb, offering as it does a vehicle for covering a wide range of areas
of interest and divergent opinions and many varied experiences of the work. The discrimination
required in order to hold all this, both staying in contact with the larger field as well as making new
acquaintances as more people grow interested in what we do in more and more countries, is enormous.
The huge amount of your time that you have given so generously to this is extraordinary.

We, the world wide Constellations community, are enriched by having such a substantial and
valuable journal twice a year and I invite us to raise our glasses to you Barbara for the work you do
on behalf of us in the Constellations world, as well as your love for this ever evolving work.

Very best wishes,

Alannah Tandy Pilbrow

[email protected]

Corrections from Issue 14

In the review of Trauma, Bonding and Family Constellations. Understanding and
Healing Injuries of the Soul by Franz Ruppert, Clare Kavanagh regrets that she
omitted to name, in person, Vivian Broughton, The Editor of the English language
version of this book.
the knowing field

In the article entitled: Horses in the Field, the profiles and photos of the two
authors were regrettably mixed up. The photo depicted as Sara Vaughan is
actually Shannon Fleming and therefore fits with Shannon’s profile and vice versa.

80
 the knowing field
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81
 Family Constellations
In the Presence in Scotland

of Many * Workshops with Clare Crombie

January 30th (Glasgow), May 15th (Glas-
Reflections on Constellations gow), June 26-27th (Edinburgh). Further
dates to be confirmed.
Emphasising the Individual Context
* Special workshop with
Vivian Broughton Sneh Victoria Schnabel
Foreword by Albrecht Mahr March 6-7th in Edinburgh

* Introductory Course
Series of 3 workshops for therapists,
counsellors or people with an interest in
learning more about Systemic Family
Constellations and integrating their
knowledge into their work. March,
UK£17.95
(P&P free in Uk until 1 June 2010) 19/20/21, July 2/3/4 and Oct 22/23/24 in
Edinburgh.

To find out more and book a place:

email: [email protected] or
phone: 07909 680397

www.greenballoonbooks.co.uk +44 (0) 1373 836694

CarinaScotland.com

Constellations Work Trainings Limited

Systemic Constellations Workshops Limited
Green Balloon Publishing
And Vivian Broughton

CONGRATULATE
The Knowing Field
(formerly the Systemic Solutions Bulletin)

its founders Jutta ten Herkel and Barbara Stones

and its current editor

Barbara Morgan
the knowing field

on 10 years of successful publishing and great contribution to

the global community of Constellations
www.constellationswork.co.uk
www.vivianbroughton.co.uk
www.greenballoonbooks.co.uk

82
 the knowing field
Bert Hellinger
How Love Succeeds
A set of 4 DVDs, each approximately 2 hours long. Included is a
6-page booklet with meditations and teachings from the
London 2008 workshop

Spec
Offeir
al
for Su
bs
The Kn cribers to
owing
€100 Field
reduc
ed to
only €
60

In this set of 4 DVDs, we can experience the depth fresh, attuned to the present moment, a continuous
and breadth of Bert Hellinger’s’ work to date. He process of becoming.
explains and demonstrates how his work has There are Constellations, meditations and teachings,
developed; being in resonance with all that is and even a sermon for Sunday morning. We see his
the guiding force that is behind everything. He calls laughter, edge, courage and exquisite skill. He
this ‘The Movement of the Spirit Mind’. shows no individual pity or compassion, his work
He speaks of his ‘dark night’ and emergence into includes everything with love. During these 2 days
a truly phenomenological way of being where all Bert Hellinger shared some of what he sees.
insights are creative and new. No thought has His comment on the workshop was: “It was a bit of
been thought before and so each movement is a feast.”

To order please contact: Ochre [email protected] or tel: 00 353 (0) 868267687

Payment by either euro/sterling cheque, bankers order or money transfer
Cost €100.00 or sterling equivalent (vat inc)
p&p Europe €3.50, Ireland €2.00 England £ 3.00
Please enquire when ordering more than one set re p&p cost and multiple order discount

83
 Constellation Solutions
Family Constellation Workshops
with

Alun Reynolds
Family Constellator
(10 years experience)

UKCP Registered
Psychotherapist, Supervisor and Trainer

London Workshops Edinburgh Workshops

23/24 Jan 2010 5/6/7 Feb 2010
6/7 March 2010 14/15/16 May 2010
12/13 June 2010 19/20/21 November 2010
16/17 October 2010
£120 per weekend
27/28 November 2010

£180 per weekend

the knowing field

Alun Reynolds, Constellation Solutions Office, 12 Orchard Avenue, Cambridge CB4 2AH
01223 461744 07766 587784
[email protected] www.constellationsolutions.co.uk

84
 the knowing field
INTERNATIONAL CONSTELLATIONS JOURNAL

Formerly the Systemic Solutions Bulletin and edited by Barbara Stones and Jutta ten Herkel, The Knowing
Field is an independently produced publication dedicated to the dissemination of information regarding the
evolution of Bert Hellinger’s systemic approach as it develops throughout the world, ranging from Family and
Organisational Constellations through to Movements of the Soul and Movements of the
Spirit-Mind. Included in the publication are: personal experiences and stories, poems, research projects,
new discoveries and developments in the Constellation field, news from around the world and the exchange
of ideas and opinions about this work.
SUBMISSION OF MATERIAL SALES & SUBSCRIPTIONS
EDITOR
FOR POSSIBLE INCLUSION For full details of prices, subscriptions
Barbara Morgan
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June 2010. You are warmly invited to www.theknowingfield.com
CORE EDITORIAL & submit material for publication. The
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Jennifer Altman For current advertising rates visit the website:
Vivian Broughton COPYRIGHT www.theknowingfield.com
Ty Francis Advertisements should be sent in their
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