AUGMENTING

ASSERTIVE
TECHNIQUES
Dr. Sumity Arora
PDSON, DDUH, GNCTD, Delhi
OBJECTIVE
 Highlights on the

 need of assertion among nursing professionals.

 the benefits and

 techniques of assertiveness.

 difference between assertive behavior, aggressive behavior and non-

aggressive behavior
WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS
 Assertiveness is a healthy way of communicating. 
 It's the ability to speak up for ourselves honestly and
respectfully. 
 Every day, we're in situations where being assertive can help us
— like asking someone on a date, approaching a teacher with a
question, or doing well on a job or college interview.
WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS
 Being assertive doesn't come naturally to everyone. 
 Some people communicate in a way that is too passive.
 Other people have a style that is too aggressive. 
 An assertive style is the happy medium between these two.
WHAT IT MEANS TO BE
ASSERTIVE:
• You can give an opinion or say how you feel.
• You can ask for what you want or need.
• You can disagree respectfully.
• You can offer your ideas and suggestions.
• You can say no without feeling guilty.
• You can speak up for someone else.
WHY DOES IT MATTER?/
BENEFITS
 An assertive communication style can help us do the
things we want to do. 
 Being assertive shows we respect ourselves and
other people.

 People who speak assertively send the message that

they believe in themselves.
 They're not too timid and they're not too pushy.
 They know that their feelings and ideas matter.
 They're confident.
WHY DOES IT MATTER?/
BENEFITS
 People who are assertive tend to make friends
more easily.
 They communicate in a way that respects other
people's needs as well as their own.
 They tend to be better at working out conflicts and
disagreements.
 People who give respect get respect in return.
 PASSIVE, AGGRESSIVE AND
ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR STYLES
 Passive behavior:
 Passive behavior involves allowing your own rights to be violated by failing to
express honest feelings, thoughts, and beliefs, or by expressing your thoughts and
feelings in an apologetic manner that others can easily disregard.

 The messages you communicate might be:

 “I don’t count;
 you can take advantage of me.”
 “My thoughts and feelings don’t matter; only yours do.”
 PASSIVE, AGGRESSIVE AND
ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR STYLES
 Aggressive behaviour

 Aggressive behavior involves communicating in a demanding, abrasive, or
hostile way.
 It is insensitive to others’ rights, feelings and beliefs.
 The usual goals of aggression are domination and winning, forcing the other
person to lose.
 Some people mistakenly think they are being “assertive” when in fact they are
being aggressive.
 PASSIVE, AGGRESSIVE AND
ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR STYLES
 Assertive Behaviour
 An assertive behavior involves acting in his/her own best
interests, stands up for self, expresses feelings honestly, is in
charge of self in interpersonal relations, and chooses for self.
 The basic message sent from an assertive person is “I’m OK
and you’re OK.”
 An assertive person is emotionally honest, direct,
selfenhancing, and expressive.
 He/she feels confident, selfrespecting at the time of his/her
actions as well as later.
TOO PASSIVE? TOO
AGGRESSIVE? OR JUST RIGHT?
 Sarah has a style that's too passive.
  If you ask Sarah what movie she wants to see, she's most likely to say, "I don't know —
what do you want to see?" She usually lets others decide things, but later she regrets not
saying what she wanted. It bothers her that her friends do most of the talking. But when
Sarah tries to break into the conversation, she speaks so softly that others talk over her
without realizing.
 Jasmine has a style that's too aggressive.
  Jasmine has no trouble speaking her mind. But when she does, she comes across as loud
and opinionated. Jasmine dominates the conversation, often interrupts, and rarely listens.
If she disagrees with you, she lets you know — usually with sarcasm or a putdown. She
has a reputation for being bossy and insensitive.
 Ben has an assertive style. 
 When you ask for Ben's opinion, he gives it honestly. If he disagrees with you, he'll say so
— but in a way that doesn't put you down or make you feel wrong. Ben is interested in
your opinion, too. He listens to what you have to say. Even when Ben disagrees with you,
you still feel he respects your point of view.
THE PROBLEMS OF BEING
TOO PASSIVE
 People who act too passively often end up feeling taken
advantage of. They may begin to feel hurt, angry, or resentful.
 When you hold back what you think and feel, others don't get to
know or understand you as well as they could. The group doesn't
benefit from your input or ideas.
 If you start to feel like your opinions or feelings don't count, it can
lower your confidence and rob you of the chance to get
recognition and positive feedback for your good ideas. This
can even lead to feeling depressed.
THE TROUBLE WITH BEING
TOO AGGRESSIVE
 People who come across as too aggressive can find it difficult to
keep friends.
 They may dominate conversations or give their opinions too
boldly and forcefully, leaving others feeling put off or
disrespected.
 People with an aggressive style may get other people to do
things their way, but many times they end up being rejected or
disliked.
 They often lose the respect of others.
WHY ISN'T EVERYONE
ASSERTIVE?

 Part of it's just personality.

 The habits we develop or the experiences we have are another
part.
 But we also learn to be assertive, passive, or aggressive from
watching how others act — especially the people who raise us.
 Factors that can influence people
to act too passively:
• a lack of confidence in themselves or the value
of their opinions
• worrying too much about pleasing others or
being liked
• worrying whether others will disagree with or
reject their ideas and opinions
• feeling sensitive to criticism or hurt by past
experiences when their ideas were ignored or
rejected
• not developing the skills of being assertive
Things that can influence people to
act too aggressively are:

• being overconfident
• focusing too much on getting their needs met and their opinions
across
• not learning to respect or consider other people's views or needs
• not learning listening skills or how to ask for input from others
Things that can lead people to
act assertively ("just right") are:
• self-confidence
• believing their opinions count, their ideas and feelings matter, and
they have the right to express themselves
• being resilient (able to deal with criticism, rejection, and setbacks)
• respecting the preferences and needs of others
• having role models for assertiveness
• knowing their ideas were welcomed or assertiveness rewarded in
the past
HOW TO BE MORE ASSERTIVE

 Being assertive is a matter of practicing certain

communication skills and having the right inner attitude.
 Some people are naturally more skillful when it comes to being
assertive. Others need more practice. But everyone can improve.
HERE'S HOW:

 Start by considering which communication style (assertive,

passive, or aggressive) comes closest to yours.

 Then decide whether you need to work on being

 less passive,
 less aggressive, or
 simply need to build on your naturally assertive style.
To work on being less passive and
more assertive:
• Pay attention to what you think, feel, want, and prefer.
• You need to be aware of these things before you can
communicate them to others.
• Notice if you say "I don't know," "I don't care," or "it doesn't
matter" when someone asks what you want. 
• Stop yourself. Practice saying what you'd prefer, especially
on things that hardly matter.
• For example, if someone asks, "Would you like green or
red?" you can say, "I'd prefer the green one — thanks."
To work on being less passive and
more assertive:
• Practice asking for things.
• For example: "Can you please pass me a spoon?" "I need
a pen — does anyone have an extra?" "Can you save me a
seat?"
• This builds your skills and confidence for when you need to
ask for something more important.
• Give your opinion. Say whether or not you liked a movie
you saw and why.
To work on being less
passive and more assertive:
• Practice using "I" statements such as: "I'd like..." "I prefer..." or "I
feel..."
• Find a role model who's good at being assertive — not too
passive and not too aggressive. See if you can imitate that
person's best qualities.
• Remind yourself that your ideas and opinions are as important as
everyone else’s.
• Knowing this helps you be assertive.
• Assertiveness starts with an inner attitude of valuing yourself as
much as you value others.
 To work on being less
aggressive and more assertive:
• Try letting others speak first.
• Notice if you interrupt. Catch yourself, and say: "Oh, sorry — go
ahead!" and let the other person finish.
• Ask someone else's opinion, then listen to the answer.

•When you disagree, try to say so without putting down the

other person's point of view.
•For example, instead of saying: "That's a stupid idea," try: "I
don't really like that idea." Or instead of saying: "He's such a
jerk," try: "I think he's insensitive.“

•Find a role model who's good at being assertive — not too

passive and not too aggressive. See if you can imitate that
person's best qualities.
Even naturally assertive people
can build and expand their skills. 
 To work on improving a naturally assertive style:
• Find role models who are good at being assertive — not too passive
and not too aggressive.
• See if you can imitate their best qualities.

• Notice where you're best at being assertive. People behave differently

in different situations. Many people find that it's easy to be assertive in
certain situations (like with friends) but more challenging in others
(like with teachers or when meeting new people).

• In tougher situations, try thinking, "What would I say to my close

friends?"
Even naturally assertive people
can build and expand their skills. 

• When you speak assertively, it shows you believe in yourself.

Building assertiveness is one step to becoming your best self, the
person you want to be!
THE BASIC ASSERTIVE
RIGHTS OF EVERY HUMAN
BEING INCLUDE
 1. Having dignity and self-respect.
 2. Saying NO when justified without feeling guilty.
 3. Expressing your feelings.
 4. Asking for what you want directly.
 5. Feeling good about yourself.
 6. Being able to change your mind.
 7. Negotiating and reaching compromises when conflict exists.
 8. Being able to make mistakes
GENERAL TECHNIQUES OF
ASSERTIVENESS
 Fogging  “What time do you call this? You're
 Fogging is so termed because nearly half an hour late, I'm fed up
the individual acts like a 'wall with you letting me down all the
of fog' into which arguments time.”
 Fogging response:
are thrown, but not returned.
 “Yes, I am late than I hoped to be
 Example Situation and I can see this has annoyed you.”
 “Annoyed? Of course I'm annoyed,
I've been waiting for ages. You
really should try to think about
other people a bit more.”
 Fogging response:
 “Yes, I was concerned that you
would be left waiting for almost half
an hour.”
 THE STUCK RECORD TECHNIQUE
 The Stuck Record technique employs the key assertive skill of 'calm
persistence'.
 It involves repeating what you want, time and time again, without raising the
tone of your voice, becoming angry, irritated, or involved in side issues.

 Imagine that you are returning something that is faulty to a store. The conversation
may go as follows.
 “I bought these shoes last week and the heels have fallen off. I would like a
refund please.”
 “It looks like they've been worn a lot and these shoes were only designed for
occasional wear.”
 Stuck Record technique response:
 “I have only had them a week and they are faulty. I would like a refund
please.”
 “You cannot expect me to give you your money back after you've worn them out.”
 Stuck Record technique response:
 “The heels have fallen off after only a week and I would like a refund please.”
 Scenario: Your mother wants you to come over to house right away so you can
help her in household work. You had planned to spend the evening relaxing
because you’ve had a rough week at work.
 Assertive resposponse

 “I understand you need help, and I would like to help you. Today, I need to take
care of myself because I’m very run-down. I can better help you tomorrow. Would
that work for you?”
 Part of being assertive is caring for yourself and valuing your needs just as much
as the other person’s needs. An assertive person says, “I am worthy of this. I
deserve this”.
 Scenario: You planned to meet up with your friend to have a nice meal
at a restaurant. You get there, but she’s late – again. Every time you
make plans, she seems to leave you waiting while she shows up 20-30
minutes after the scheduled meeting time.
“Did something happen unexpectedly that made you late? I feel
hurt when I have to wait time and time again because you are often
late. It makes me feel anxious and like I’m not a priority. Is there
something I can do to help you fix this problem?”
 Assertive people use “I” statements instead of hurling blame or insults
at the other person. Offering to help come up with a solution lets the
other person know that you care.
 Scenario: Every day when you come home from work, your husband
and kids ignore you and continue doing whatever they’re doing. No one
acknowledges you or ask you how your day was.
“I feel sad when I come home and no one seems happy to see me or
asks how my day was. I feel lonely and not appreciated.”
 Assertive people always state what the problem is instead of assuming
that others know what they think, feel, or need.
 Scenario: Your teenage son is known to get angry every time you try to
tell him to clean up his room or help out around the house.
“I feel overburdened when you don’t pitch in and help keep the
house clean and tidy. I understand that you don’t like having me
remind you to clean your room, but it’s a task that needs to be done,
and everyone needs to do their part.”
 Sometimes we don’t express ourselves because we’re afraid of how the
other person will react (Will he get angry? Will he not like me if I say
this?).
 Assertive people understand that they have no responsibility for how the
other person chooses to react – that’s on them. A normal human being
will understand that we all have needs and desires and should be
allowed to express them freely.
 Scenario: Your boss wants you to do your co-worker’s report because
she has fallen behind schedule, and he knows you work efficiently. This
has happened frequently.
“This is the fourth time this month that I’ve been given extra work
because Suzie has fallen behind. I want to be a team player, but I
feel stressed when I’m overburdened. What can we do to make sure
this doesn’t happen again?”
 Stating the facts and expressing your own feelings helps avoid making
the other person get their defenses up. Offering to help solve the
problem expresses your concerns.
 Scenario: You work full-time, have 3 small kids at home, and you teach
yoga classes two nights a week. Some members of your church are
badgering you to get involved in a fundraiser they’re having that
requires a lot of work.
“This is not a priority for me. I will help out on the next fundraiser
if I have time.”
 Assertive people know that it’s perfectly fine to say no to something
you don’t want to do. Explaining why you’re declining may be helpful,
but it’s not necessary. Acquiescing doesn’t do anybody any good.
ASSERTIVENESS IN NURSING
 Assertive staff nurses are able to present suggestions in a direct,
comfortable way, give and take criticism, assess the rights and
responsibilities in a nursing situation, and act on assessments in a
thoughtful problem-solving way (Clark, 1979).
 Lack of assertiveness results in diminished communication efficacy,
thus compromising patient care (Poroch and McIntosh, 1995).
 When nurses express a lack of confidence and a lack of assertiveness,
patients may notice. If those patients do not feel that nurses are
confident in their work, they will not have a strong trusting relationship.
For nurses to empower their patients, they need to be assertive (O’Mara
(1995).
BENEFITS OF BEING
ASSERTIVE
 1. Improve communication skills, create effective, healthy and satisfied
IPR

 2. Increase self-respect and respect for others.

 3. No stress and improve emotional and physical health.
 4. Reduces friction and conflict.
 5. Ability and productivity at work and the home increases.
 6. Achievement of individual and organizational goals.
 7. Autonomy, improve patient care.
 8. Maintains rights and dignity of self and others.
THANK YOU