2.poke

Poke

“Relevancy is reverent; irreverence grows out of irrelevancy.” Annant dusted the wooden chair

whose spindle lay in tatters and snuggled in its loose nylon strings’ seat.

I can lord over the subjects, he decides and smiles in doing so, what if it is a paradox he loathes,

decries, laughs and accepts, all at once.

The last suppers’ slurp of the dishes devouring the last of the morsels: the tongue the greatest

scrubber. Tomorrow would indeed be not just another day- another history. Annant sat upright

which tired his vertebra; five sacral perhaps or four coccygeal? Sameer‘s count. A spasm of pain

shot through them and he clutched hard on the backbone waiting for it to pass. The wall’s rest

the best he concluded and walked up to the white –grey students’ feet stamped wall and leaned

on it ignoring the sole shaped muddy imprints. He loathed the lean too; upright are the mighty.

Not so when they are burdened with the sundries of life. Maya Mother. Or. Fate fait: Accomplice

on the run.

“Is the relevancy of your statement reverent?” Himnash glued his eyes on him to score a point.

“I am hungry: The sentence is relevantly reverent to the one who is; but to the one who is not; it

is relevant but not reverent or irrelevant. Hunger is a matter of reverence, though. This is all

there is Himnash; the matter is however, open to interpretations, because I, unlike god, am not a

finality. Though, for the mighty almighty and women; reverence is the real relevancy: odds and

ends being irreverent irrelevancy.” Annant eyed Minnie as he spoke; good he thought as he

reclined on the wall, hunger and relevancy. He enjoyed her twitch and a shrug: Like lost letters

trying to be found and read.

1

“Does it not make this class irrelevantly reverent for a moment and irreverently irrelevant the

next?” Minnie asked of her doubts like her scout.

She is the bridge with the damn class or damnest society; Annant thought.

“Or is it Relativism activism?” Moneriil the mawkish looked at Minnie with his toad eyes.

“I think what Mr. Annant means by his exposition is a certain type of Rileism.” Himnash added a

dash of spice to the debate.

“Mr. Himnash it is Reism you mean; I suppose?” Minnie with a look of scorn asked the tall and

uncouth Himnash.

“Miss Minnie Sir is not on the side of Concretism; he likes the soft philosophies- the Romantics:

The Roman-antics.” He narrowed his eyes as he talked with precise words. Got to impress the

girl and beat Annant in his own game.

The class slowly became a battle ground of bandy words, a free for all. Annant stood leaning on

the wall with a smile on his face. The newies have it in them to argue for good for lost causes.

Who was it who said something about Indians being argumentative, good soul, let him come to

Haridwar and meet this bunch. Good for him too, if he adapts with age: for if after fifty you

don’t live the aspirations of the young; go away. Who needs spectacled snails salivating on the

soma of youth? Learn dignity or live in any of the fifty-two states of the United States. Am I

filled already, at thirty; midnight of a life time, very viable and yet a sabbatical lurking like

ghosts of the past. He thought. One cannot live with questions alone. The answers are the

lubricant of the intellect.

2

“Take your pick, freedom is the only contribution of philosophy worth its salt.” Annant

intervened as he enjoyed the reverence of a teacher despite his irrelevant teachings. What why

should I damn care? He questioned his answer. Anyway there is nothing in philosophy which

could be taught or imbibed. He answered his question. I could go on and on and on: lording over

these seeking souls; that is what the world does. For a price, nothing for free. The universe

revolves around the charge and the discharge. All types all colors. ViscousJellyWatery.

RedBlueGreenWhiteBlack. And the discourses; off or on; who cares about the course as long as

it putts the soul or jockey’s to a win.

“What is your pick?” Ramanuj stood up with an authority of a teacher, his spectacled face

making him reverently irrelevant.

Buffalo me for all that I care, Annant was irritated now; the sucking seekers and their punches as

questions; like snores of a deep sleep: a catarrhal catharsis. What of my swoon? Are disturbed

will disturb; the newest generation. Tad tardy toads; wanting readymade nirvana. He cleared his

throat and winced in pain as he straightened his back- last night’s posture- he blamed the coiled

awakening. He climbed carefully on to the wooden table, the only sign of authority in the

classroom and sat on it, cross legged. Posture matters, he concluded; the Lotus Posture; double

definitely. It prepares one to face the challenges. He straightened his back and fixed his gaze into

the centre row of the chairs; c’mon, punch me, left and right; but you cannot knock me out.

“Life is a like”. He commanded his last sermon on the mound. “Relevant and reverent: True

times are so. Irrelevant, it may sound, but what I speak is not irreverent.” Annant fell for

pleading. Dam well I did, he thought. “All are irrelevant”. He tried the usual Buddha way. Give

them what they are hooked into, he thought. “Nothingness is all-relevant, irreverent, irrelevant

3

and reverent.” He was happy now as the class looked bemused. Mix them up, good for them, the

churning; at least they would work up an appetite for the inane. That is what the organized

system of learning feeds. Universilly. Ox on ford-speed up and race but not for the mace. Sham

bridge to nowhere. History tells creativity is a result of the soul song.

“TAT TVAM ASI”. He shouted at the top of his voice surprising them all.

Nina would have survived had the system been relevant; the whole that is, not in parts. Now: the

pangs of regret, retreat, retrocession, regress, remorse, repulsion and renunciation. Better let the

seekers suck themselves up. It was she who mattered. Death had made her relevant and reverent;

her being alive was irrelevant and irreverent. That one can suppose, is a challenge one faces,

once one is fertilized as an egg. Womb to tomb. Tomb to womb. A never ending saga enacted or

a spiral within another. Old Aunt Maitriy says that one dies as many times as one sees death, one

is born as many times as one sees a birth- So for every funeral attended one dies and for every

naming ceremony one lives. Lives within lives and Deaths within deaths. Her smell mixed with

that of the wooden chairs, peeling walls, withering doors and sills, cracked panes, dim yellow

bulbs, fading mercury light tube, yellowing charts of Existentialists, portraits of wandering

Socrates and upright Swami Vivekananda, lone ceiling fan, gold rimmed and dust coated and the

sweat of her fellow mates; whiff his nostrils and soul. Like the algae and mosses of the rainy

season, nay many a season; all layered and fossilized for posterity. He could have kept her alive,

made her live. Had she lived it was her life; her death making him the sole cause. I want to know

all she had announced; Plato and Machiavelli, Democracy and Anarchism: Marx, Proust, Tagore,

Nehru and offcourse you- her eyes danced to the tune of her search. It surprised him to know of

her knowing, irrelevant all. Her flirting stuck to him. Meeeeee; he had made fun of himself. She

had laughed, loud enough to disturb the system; eye brows raised, sly peeps, wanton whispers

4

and wagging tongues. But she was what she was; made of an elemental folly of the creator. I am

occupied with pre-engagements; he tossed her around, for long, long enough for him to stretch

her patience. He, it was who fell for her trap. She pestered him no end, chasing him like a lover,

unrequited now, in her passing by- A travel to the unknown. Irrelevant relationship. He relented

in parts, never a whole, letting her nibble at the knowledge crumbs he threw on her, the ones she

could absorb. Then she was gone for days on end. He would move ahead with his examinations,

delving deep into his pursuit of yoga- Now when he recounts her sudden appearances like a

possessed spirit coaxing him to change course. Philosophy is the key she would say, fresh from

her reading of tomes on Idealism, logical Positivism or Kantian discourses; yoga for the

Sanyasis, evolution is a resultant not the finality, her encounters stumping him. It irritated him to

pick a quarrel with her. Before he could realize, she would disappear. It was in her

disappearance that he lived, stranger than the reality of a mirror- but he faced up to his dilemma,

getting used to the wart no longer new and hence no longer a part of disdain.

That day when she came she had a story to tell.

“Let us make this class relevant.” Minnie shouted at him in her worry. Covert care; floating

ovule.

“Need we?” He shouted back in contempt, it surprised him to note his contemptuousness.

“Ignore the cell for the Kumbh, run along and dip your knowledge, swim or be suffocated.”

Annant regained his composure and felt his white stubble with his left hand. The right legged

pained under the practice, he shuffled it but did not let go of his posture- the Padmasana.

“The college closes for a month, would we see you when we return or you are off to the greener

pastures, the wildness of the west beckoning you?” Himnash spoke with irreverence.

5

“Sir would hit the word -press I suppose, or report the Kumbh Fair.” Ramanuj suggested.

“Times Roman for his brand of neo- Transcendentalism, perhaps: Font to Flaunt.” The parting

shot of a logician- Minnie.

Annant smiled. Minnieemincemealtime.

The class broke in a commotion; papers fluttered, chairs screeched, knees cracked, knuckles

broke, whistles of relief, sighs of parting, rubbing of the palms, balancing of the wrap on the

bosom, promises of a reunion, and the call of friendship. Annant sat with unlocked legs and

watched in silence, acknowledging the mute goodbyes. The sun rays peep like children wanting

to enter a class they don’t belong to. Higher Aspirations. He stretched his legs and lay on the

wooden table, closing his eyes for succor. The legs dangled like an inverted victory sign. The

quietness seeped in him calming him in the process. Minnie, her yellow wrap wrapped around as

a shawl over her green Cotswold, moved her chair on the edge of the window from which the

sun rays enter with their warmth. The sun made her sleepy and she closed her burdening eye

lashes. The college building bore a deserted look. Stray group of students roamed aimlessly,

catching up with their ensuing longings. A bevy of girls, flirtatious and cacophonous sat under a

tree shade munching on peanuts and gossips. They hushed up every time a member of the

teaching staff cross them by. The huge, yellow behemoth prepared for its month long annual

sleep. Deserted temple- irrelevant and irreverent. An eerie torpidity seeped into the class rooms

like fearful walks into oblivion.

Annant slept in his dreams, mumbling about Jorden and Sameer. His lips open in his slumber, a

thin stream of saliva seeped through them forming glue like blob on the wooden face of the table.

His nose made a sound of a snore whenever he deep breathed in his sleep.

6

“You… are you alright”. Minnie pulls him out of his stupor.

Wide eyed, from sudden wake, Annant eyed her with intent and stretched himself on the table,

winced in pain. “Ah! My back barnacle!” He cried.

“A late night, last night, Sameer and a Jew, Jorden, had a satsang of their own.” He disclosed his

rendezvous to her in parts ignoring her inquisitorial eyes. “The mind wandered in its whim.” He

mumbled.

“Or is it she again, c’mon it isn’t an event you could lose the sleep over, she was close to you in

a way; was she”? She asked of her doubts. “It has been quite a few days now, as far as I know

you were not in her touch since last few months.”

She tries too hard, Annant thought; that is her problem. Girls aren’t elastic. It is the cotton strings

that they are made of.

“Yes I know, but she was a dreamer in her own way, and dreamers never die, remain like a

dream; paying one a visit every now and then”. Annant answered her in his melancholy.

“But she is a part of memory now, not dream”. Minnie said.

“I could have helped her, a leftover for a child, given her something to look forward to, I was

afraid of her faith in me, what if I fail her? It was a burdensome period but it had to be lived, if

only as an ode to my own childhood: a forgotten flight of fancy.” Annant unburdens himself for

her sympathy.

“A nightmare for a childhood! Is it a complaint or a whining song?” She asked.

7

“I don’t know; it certainly is a cry for a lost cause, for what could have been, but never was what

it should have been”.

“So you grieve yourself not her?” She poked him further.

“Procrustean predilections.” Annant seemed to have regained his composure and sat upright

looking through the windows into the empty play ground.

“A what? She sounded irritated.

“Never mind”. He yawned.

“And yours?” She asked vaguely.

“What of Mine?”

“Yes, yours; life it seems is waning from you or is it some tragic romance you are writing”?

“Write I would? Definitely not tragedy and no not double definitely a romance: if love hath

power…peace wouldn’t cower.” He smiled; good that all have left: The pudding is all there for

the take. “Gratis”? He mumbled

Minnie held his hands and pulled him out into the open. Both walk across the brown grassed

grounds. Dried and flatted. They sat on the far corner, near the Football Goalpost which lay in

tatters.

“I have a same story as hers, would you be there when I need you”? She asks of him wistfully-

the parting making her long for continuity.

8

“I don’t know, I need a break from all this; a disappearance for a reappearance, it is a struggle to

survive and create, If the old Vet. Has his ways I would be attending to insemination of the cows;

artificial and official- Breeding for milk. Long live the udders, a butterfly stroke in the white

river, the land of the Butter thief, Krishna.” Gayness suddenly descended on Annant as he found

a common cause with the girl; and a decade separating them. To be young he thought in jest, or

to be with the young, a question of elements and a matter of substance. He could now be free; no

longer tied to the role of playing a Loadstar.

“You know what; I think you are a born rebel: that too at Haridwar where all rebellion ends”!!

She exclaimed. “I am in for a treat, really am I? Had always dreamt of a Camusisque living

minus the charade that comes with it, now, right here, in my backyard, I find you, with “Rebel

without a cause” written all over, OH! My luck, a part of the planet Jupiter: But Sir you are a

soul alright, an untouched feather fluttering in its excellence.” She joined in his jest.

“Am I?” Bulls Eye! Annant smiled.

“That is music to my weary soul, but I am into yoga, the Dhyana makes me a rebel all the more.

I accept all…For my rebellion.” He boasted.

“Do you know what you claim or is it a boast of a teacher?” She asked as if reading his mind.

“I mean the highest form of rebel is acceptance.” He said.

“In what way?” She asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

Philosophy the greatest aphrodisiac- Plato the greatest seducer for her.

“It is a stage when one does not rebel with one’s self. One accepts one’s ways. It is a practice,

though, nothing to boast of, if I move forward it is god’s will.” He explained.

9

“Is it possible? Not to rebel? I mean what is there to hold on to if there are no notions for which

you feel strongly and passionately and even negatively?” She talked fast and demanded a quick

fix for a reply.

“Yes.” Annant checked the queen. Anything for a mate, Maidenhead mash; today is the day.

Tomorrow would be the washing part.

“Is it not fatalism? Not trying to change one’s course of destiny but accepting it as a part of one’s

being?” Minnie with her doubts; wild blue berries; seasonal, sour and innumerable.

“Accepting is a part of the training to evolve one’s self, hence it has an in built system to set up a

higher goal a higher standard of living. Then again it is part practice; it should go with correcting

one’s shortcomings. Acceptance of the nature- the Prakriti- is the ignition one requires for a

spiritual growth.” Checkmate; Annant the grand master.

“Obliviously she didn’t understand all this.” Minnie lays a fresh table; a new game.

That is what the opposites do; cross the swords invariably and unknowingly.

It hurts, thought Annant.

“She did, but couldn’t follow.” His tierce holding him- Defense is the best offence when you

cannot make the enemy see the futility of a fight.

“Would it have made a difference?” She pestered.

“Indeed, it would have. Her pursuits would have been more real, achievable and more evolving.”

His octave, now when the clock cannot be turned back, neither a wrong; righted.

10

“She exceeded herself, then?” She came hard with an upper cut; a freestyle fight; an unequal

war.

“Yes, but in a direction which was not hers to begin with. A wrong step to begin one’s walk

through the maze that life is.” He faced up to her. No ducking this time around. “One cannot be

what one cannot be; she tried hard but couldn’t counter the devils within, then the pushes of her

prodding pricking parents towards the servility of survival. Damn what of creating? She held on

till she could then…” Annant was quiet. His eyes were moist with her memories. Tough to part:

lock stock and barrel. Something remains, like recognizable tastes and smells, which kindle the

faculty of memory; yea- pricks the soul.

“And what is your calling?” She asked.

Her innocence is attractive; Annant thought-the best offence; Feigning an orgasm.

“Mine?” Annant paused. “Evolution; I can’t see myself doing anything else, except to evolve

and, if possible set an example for others to emulate. You see the art and science of growing,

achieving, expanding, and the consciousness of all.” He is flushed with the outpourings more for

the theatrical absurdity than for making her understand. How does it matter what is life? A girl

needs security; a middleclass girl needs security, conformity and rebel. Annant thought. What of

premarital screw?

“You and your ambition, you follow what you deny, is there not a contradiction involved?” She

braced up for the debate.

And the fine art of continuous hankering; Annant questioned her intentions. Better lay down the

arms despite the man in you; for good god and more.

11

“Yes there is, the dialectic is a precondition for any such pursuit- A constant churning so as to

reach a point where the judgments are clear.” He replied in all solemnity.

“What is the point which one aspires for?” She asked and he fell for her genuine ingenuity.

“ Samyama.” Annant said. “All in All of everything-Nothing left as a left over.” Let her have it,

he decided, the taste of the yoga and the power of knowledge.

Minnie kept quiet, staring into the vastness of the brown field. She seemed tired by her

questionings. Her hairs danced in the river gale. She pulls them back, only to see them fall on

her face. Irritant children. May I, he says and without waiting for her approval, uses his fingers to

tame them. His fingers deftly; with the finesse of an artist, comb her flowing silken blacks back

on to her neck. She twitches, shudders, heaves and then lies on her back. Sun stilts behind a

wandering cloud. A dark spot emerge on the playfield. Amoeba shaped shadow.

“What was that talk of you writing a book?” She questioned. “Have you finally decided to be of

some use and to take a step forward for us?” She comes round to the same corner;

Annant thought- A home, few kids and a good F… life.

“Me, no…No not the least; as if my life is not embarrassing enough, I write!” Annant hurried his

denial.

“And what was the stunt of Transcendentalism and all that you pulled in the class, yesterday?”

She leeched her way.

It irritated Annant to see her sucking his being like that.

12

“Nothing of that either, the more we talk on it the less we understand of it. From the subject

matter view, it enriched the western philosophy, but its main source is the Vedas. Colebrook did

a great service, once upon a time. He was lucky to find some authenticated text somewhere in

Benares. He writes that the Brahmins never wrote a thing about the philosophy or spirituality,

but narrated their views to their students or to their sons. No written form.”

“How did it turn the western philosophy upside down?”

“Well, it developed a faith in the spirit and its oneness. The movement was carried forward

through literature and made popular by the likes of Carlyle, Yeats, Shaw, Cousin and Elliot;

Thoreau writes in Walden-‘In the morning I bathe my intellect in the stupendous and

cosmogonal philosophy of Bhagavat Geeta. He goes on to proclaim that the water of ‘Walden is

mingled in the sacred water of the Ganges.’ In the twentieth century the idea gained credence

through various philosophies: Existential, Phenomenology, Neo Hegelianism and it led to a

renewed interest in Indian Philosophy. The spiritual quest replaced the intellectual bias of

philosophy in the U.K and the U.S.A.”

“What of the Realists”? She asked innocently.

She isn’t; Annant convinced himself.

“Science fought its own battle to be called knowledge hence the need for knowing the things

those surround us. The Logical Positivists ganged up at Vienna for the same as they went about

rejecting metaphysics and even God.” Annant said. Better let the bait work deep, he thought.

“Spirituality?”She asked looking at him with intent of a child.

Whorascious appetite for the inane, thought he.

13

“A quiet pursuit, I suppose, to each on his or her.” He spoke sublimely, enough to hide his

viciousness.

“Religion?” She looked the other way.

“Hmm..hmm..Kumbh of people, all together, the oneness of a prayer.” He replied.

That should end; the topicality is always an escape route none can challenge. History leads to

contests which none wins. Annant measured up to her expectations, so thought he.

“Would you be back for the next term?” She was emotional now carrying fresh tears like an

engaging mizzle.

“No, I would move on.” He wanted to add-come along, but decided not to. He rubbed his back.

The pain had waned. Good he thought; when one is out of sync with one’s environment even a

minor irritant becomes a major concern. Class room is the real pain in the back. Good again that

it all ends today. Who needs teachers nowadays- internet is the real guru. Doubly good, leaves

me free to pursue without the burden of the Brahmin to teach. But Minniee is a real pest

pestering me for last half a decade- knowing, understanding and now demanding. Suffer you

duffer, he derided himself- keep girls at an arm’s length, when in this country be sure to commit

the crime after the solemn vow: Before the seven circles of the fire; douse the blaze of the lions

at the nearest Ghats.

“Would you?” She eyes him through the corners of her kohl eyes- A moon eclipsed.

“Yes, roam for recast; the soul search, as a sole aim- Evolution my religion. Pray for my

pursuit.” He worked up energy as the day neared a dull noon time. Summery feel- Sun on at

Ten!!

14

She woke up to his calling and sat with her head covered by her green wrap. The wind gained

speed, carrying with it dried leaves and sand grains. She covered her eyes with her hands. Her

cupped palms hid her longings. The cloud speck had travelled with the wind uncovering a warm

sun.

He stretched for comfort. The air cleared his mind of the mornings’ sadness. I cannot lay claim

to all blame for whatever worse happens in the society, Nina sine qua non. No way. There is

always a new way; all the way to Nirvana. Tough to stop the reckless reeking of the past. One

has to achieve and hold on to vacuum to reach somewhere, to begin the journey and to end all…

iti..iti.

“Sex: I meant that by transcendentalism.” He said with a straight face. “It was my fast yesterday,

hence the need to substitute the word.” As well give it to her, he thought, she always, without

fall, understood hypocrisy.

“Now how does it matter?” Minnie was indeed sad by his going away. Sadness brings the best

out of a woman, he thought. For them to be happy is to gossip, he said so to Minnie.

“Is it so?” Minnie was worst case possible; un-arousal lass: Got to change course; he thought.

“How’s your father, The Mr. Sharma of Sharmajii’s Pooriewale?” He breaks the barrier of

silence that hung for a brief moment. Fathers are the treasures of girls; more so when the girl is

the only child. People cry over female infanticide; they should come to Haridwar and to the

Burra Bazaar.

“He doesn’t take kindly of me, has something against me but his poories are the pride of

Haridwar, one can have them countless. People have them, daily as a matter of their food

15

policy.” He, the other man in a daughter’s life; a perpetual enemy: Middle class Hindu fathers,

worst case possible, holding on to charity after giving it away.

“He wants me to join his Poorie trade, leave my passion for philosophy for round, hot Poories”.

She made light of her pain. Now I know, thought Annant; why the talks of Camus and all.

“Unbelievable, but true, when it comes to your father, things are either possibly impossible or

non nothings. But it sounds good. Poorie Philosophy. No half measures there.” Annant laughed

loudly surprising the swifts and sparrows who were the permanent residents of the yellow

building.

“It is a question of my life, but how it matters to you; you move on- I will find my own way.”

She was flushed with anger. Her crimson color excited him into a high.

“Get married, settle down, have kids, and more… be away from all things fried; no oil to soil

your soul, fly by like a bird, into the blue horizon, but behold, take a dip for the Kumbh, before

you go.”He laughed in a delirium of an insane saint. “Or still better, my Penelope; elope with

some white pole to the distant lands of El Dorado.” Annant was at his wicked best.

“I have known you to be a gender bender, but never a misogynist. You have let me down, Mr.

Annant, in a way used me, now you find a crass way for my quandary. You are a … that’s what

you are.” A Blushflush rested on her face.

It aroused him in a strange and an alien manner which even he couldn’t comprehend; almost like

lost causes or out-of-order escalators or like dreams without the drawn curtains- hanging hooves

of horses. He moved closer and let his hand rest casually on her thighs. She didn’t react which

put him off.

16

“Minnie, be mum, have given you all you wanted, now, let me … be”. He continued to laugh

loudly. “C’mon, Dearie, I was jest leering, I would talk to your old man, I would, promise. Why

don’t you go out for research and all, and then come back to have kids? Till then be pregnant

with Ideas and ides-March to glory; let thy life be an example, shine like the pole star, my friend,

let there be light.”

Annant turned his back to her and stared at his hands- the lines have it: head, heart, age, destiny,

Mars, Venus, Sun and the mounds, thumb, fingers- If he could turn the history upside down.

Would it matter? It repeats itself- all events and their causes; the Karma and its rewards. Wasn’t

he living a life of his ancestors? Inherited causes: Inane Activism.

“You have forgotten all about Nina now; I am sure she died as one of your guinea; on the altar of

your experimentations.” She was angry like Goddesses Kali- mother fury.

“Mr. Sharma, the real scientist, or more, the chiseler of destinies, I am just a child of my father,

the holy with the spirit, three cheers to the great Buddha of upbringing, the middle of nowhere,

leading to somewhere, but not where you desire. Oh! The sheer excuse of living.” He continued

his laughter.

“Is it Irrelevant or irreverent? You are a Blasphemous beast.” She cried as her body turned in a

spasm.

“Permit me my views, dear lady of the emergency; it is democracy we bred in; the numbers have

it. As for you, think of breeding and no more, for that is your wont. Think no more, bear the

children for the twenty-first century; let them inherit an empire of Poories. Cheer up young lass,

the future is yours, global demand for Poories on the rise; I see headlines anew: Sharmaji’s

17

Poories- a craze with the whites of the house. Let us all go to the Downing Street of desires, have

a paunch full. I am famished of fasting and bearing you all at the same time.”

“This is man of the impossible and no more, it is better you run away; peace at Haridwar. Let

your pyre be lit someplaceelse.” She gets up to go.

“Bury me, for all I care, this is, after all a country of tombs and towers. The Mumtaj rises to bless

the Shahjahans of the world. Let love be the new religion. And embrace the new Asana. Or is the

Rani of the Lucre you seek for a sought? A war for the crown as round as a frown. Toss up your

anger. Heads you lose, tails you are up. Cheer up Minnie, this is the last we meet, all your aches

be gone with me. Be a free bird, perch in any branch you want, peck your insect, flap your wings

to glory, float in the ganga, light a diya, beat a brass bell, call the gods, lie for a salutation, apply

the vermillion, shower the flowers, wash the deities, drink basil curd milk, bite on god fruit,

chase faith, swing to Sufi, sing for shamans, dance the night, beat the drums of divinity, do what

you wish for; wear your heart for your sartor.” He closed his eyes in a good bye.

“A whim; I expected that, all thunder, dusting the soul, keeping the mirror dusted, Sir, yours is a

misspell name, rename yourself as Annt: the end.” She walked in haste leaving him in his

delirium.

Minnie walked a slow walk, almost a ramble, no not a ramble, but a nowhere saunter; an

undecided stroll. She searched for aim but found none; just a vacuum lay without pretentiousness

or pith. She felt hurt; by Annant and by her father, the two whom she adored or more. What

now? Both had left her midway. Well a girl needs somebody to live life with. What had come of

Annant? He was so caring and all to begin with and now he had fallen in to a precipice himself.

18

The flight of Icarus: Drown for good Mr. Annant. Hell. Time to dump him for good. She ran

back to him facing him with her heaving bosom breath.

“Your face is a curse.” She said like a final call before the flight takes off.

Nina in her yellow wrap fluttering in the river smelling winds had a story to tell; what was that

he tried to recall, but couldn’t . Some of her ideas or did she say something of her new muse.

Annant lay, under the wintry sun, she, his muse; wrapped in a silver foil her hand made

chapattis; imperfect glories, meeting his hunger as a confluence of the hungry and the feed. You

can have one more bite, she coaxed his hunger. I have had enough, he feigned his satiation, but if

you insist, he was a master at relenting. Go ahead then, have all. He chews with vigorous energy,

like animal, unruly for effects. What of the spirit? She had asked. Have as much as you want,

never a point of cloy. No fill, just a pit bottomless. Her anger seethe like sauce, he dresses up his

bite. It is the other spirit I want to know, the one, which you claim to know about, she eats her

words without cherishing. I know of only one spirit, and I have let it be known to you, what else

you want to know, he questions her. The bases of all that exists, she clarifies with the patience of

a mother. Oh! That, say like that- ferment your predispositions, add a dash of Karma, a sprinkle

of soul, a dressing of yoga, a guru for a flame, let it simmer under the fire of practice- the

Sadhana, and lo and behold the spirit is tamed. She laughs; the guru in you is a gourmet, she

guffaws. Serve it hot; the experience is ephemeral; have it till it lasts. He says.

That day she had a story to tell, his mind wanders back and forth, time travelling through a

labyrinth of her memories, but he didn’t find her story, now that she has become a history, the

world should know of her sacrifice- he is angry now, on himself, on the whole humanity, on the

old JDB, for trapping him into a teaching travesty. His hands move on the dried earth beating it

19

like a drum, drumming up his anger. She was gone before she could tell. He remained with a

wish of a story, a riddle for a puzzle. Life in its mystery, as a mystery. He groped in his darkness,

lying under the sun. The white Jasmine flower beads lying as a witness to his suffocation. The

sun stood like a silent pied piper, annihilating him by its rays, burning his pyre. He lay on his

own smolders.

Ramcharan stooped to wake him up. “JDB calling you, wake up sir wake up.” The call; like a

whistle of the train, passing by. Ramcharan, the betel leaf chomping, Beedi smoking, Lungi loin

and country liquor smeller towers on him; the sun hiding behind his tall figure.

“I say sir, JDB wants to have a word with you, are you there, or is it Dhayna time?”

“Wake up Annantjii, or is it your Annt. The end?” He carries on the orders of the boss, JDB.

A stout strong man at seventy, old JDB, whose forefathers set up the college setting up for him a

life time of employment and providing the people of river town a medium of Macaulay

Marijuana, mixed with the vernacular grass. He had adapted it according to the Maulana Azad’s

minutes, for good measures-brings in the grants, he had explained his dithering. JDB brought up

on a strict diet of the best tradition of the English patterned method of teaching expected the

same from his staff. He sat on an ornate chair, a relic of his legacy, in an office adorned with an

oil painting of Gandhi posing with his maternal grandfather. There were the mandatory portraits

of Nehru, Patel, Indira and the rest. Green curtains hid the worn out windows and the sun giving

the room a damp smell and a degree of coldness. It is for the administrative control, you see, he

explained his objectivity as an employer. The capitalist in him won over his role of an

educationist. Cut up the corners, hike the fees, get tax rebates , remove non-remunerative courses

20

and side by the administrative system, he would say, and you can never, not earn a profit. The

various grants came by the college’s way, courtesy his acumen in toeing the line of the powers

that be.

“Ah! My dear where have you been, long time we haven’t discussed philosophy and all, how’s

your Carlyle gang doing?” He greeted Annant in his usual manner.

“Good Morning Sir.” Annant stood in a sulk sleep. Sin to wake a sleeping soul, but then,

employers are the new gods-Capitalist Veda.

“So you would be unemployed again, your contract ends today, your father, what a man! Yes, do

sit, where was I? Yes of your expiry for this term, you have to do something for your udders,

feed the poor intestines, eat for your teeth, what would they chew upon? So Annant I say of your

father, what a man, and what a chicken he send last night, despite it being Haridwar, he manages

all this for me, I liked its juicy legs, and a bottle, despite it being banned in this holy town, Jai

Ganga Maa, he is a man of real resource, I am under his oblige to do something for you, would

you have some tea?” He sat and lets Annant stand.

The pause- less pundit. Even at seventy-the chug is a run.

“May I sit sir?” Annant asked.

“Yes do.. do..Why stand when one can have a chair?”

“I am not after it; Chair Chorus; the new anthem- Jana Gana Mana –a forgotten oldie.” Annant

said as he pulled at a chair. A towel hung on its back; soiled by drying the half washed hands.

Multi-colored: red for Catechu, brown for dust and white for? The thought made him shudder.

He sat upright without making use of the spindle. The pain reappeared with a mild intensity.

21

“Three on the Richter- Seven for Haiti; yesterday. The world is indeed shaking like Aunt Minty’s

pumpkins.” He mumbled under his breath.

“What will come of the youth of this country, all going the way of Sanyas and all; if only

Ghandhiji was alive, he said work is worship, and you roam without aim, no wife, no job, no

children, no life.” He lamented.

Old JDB was born eight years before Gandhi was killed by passions’ pandemonium; but he laid

claim to the father of the nation’s legacy through his ancestors-the first of the capitalists to serve

the motherland.

“Sir do I get my payment for my classes for the month of December, I am running a little short

of the dough, you see?” Annant used his decency to get back his money. Tough to rake out the

moolah from the Mullah of business.

“Yes … yes why not, how much it is, fifteen classes at the rate of one hundred and twenty-five

rupees, that is one thousand eight hundred and seventy-five rupees, am I right?” He asked.

“Yes sir, to the last R- the sun god. Will Ramcharan get a cup of tea for me?” Annant shivered

under the coldness of the office.

“Rupee; dear Annant , makes the world go round, care for it and rest is taken care of, as the old

saying goes- one should be in control of one’s loins and one’s wallet.”

“It sure makes the world go in rounds; the tea sir, I am freezing in this cold.” Annnat rubbed his

hands for solace blowing warm vapors of his breath on them.

“Yes.. yes.. Ramcharan get a cup of tea for Mr. Annant.” He called.

22

“What was I saying, Ah! Yes, your stipend; we will pay it up and clear your dues, but I am

afraid, there will be no section of philosophy from the new session.” He informed.

Old JDB with older tricks from his oldest bags: cut the culture to get ahead.

“That makes me effectively unemployed.” Annant said without reacting. Old man; there are

soothsayers in my gang.

“Yes it does, it makes your father a worried man, and I care for that man, what a man, arranging

flesh for me right here in Haridwar , it is not sacrilege dear; Brahmins in northern India are

allowed to eat meat, like their counterparts down south can marry their cousins, you see, a matter

of race, but what was I saying, yes it was your employability, which you have none, as you are a

philosopher and all, but since your father says to do something I would, you want to be a writer,

isn’t it?”

JDB standing up for the caste other than his; stranger than fiction- Brahmins are the new

outcastes.

“No way, to be a writer… better be a glider… for a glide would take you to a flight…. A write

would land you in smite.” Annant laughed- humor is the greatest reliever of the ordinary.

“For the sake of your future, be serious, no girl would see your face, taking of the girl, Nina died,

she was one of your gang, wasn’t she?” He asked.

“Hmm..mmm am ..mum.”Annant looked the other way.

“The matter is of your life here, I have a proposal for you- A post at the ‘Khaabardar Haridwar’-

‘Beware Haridwar’: the local newspaper, owned by the dynamic Chaudhary brothers, be their

sub-editor and earn a salary with contacts, who knows, you might get a contract in the

23

government department to supply newsprint or even to write the speeches of our beloved chief

minister Swami Shankanandji Maharaj.” Old JDB looked at him expectantly- a chef cooking his

master dish.

“That was a good one , I swear, I knew you worry for me , but to that extent, I couldn’t imagine,

this way I get all- power, pelf, prostitutes, land sharks as modern media persons, religious leaders

as political scientists; Wow- writing speeches did you say? Wonderful. ‘Dear brothers and

spinsters; sinners and winers, I promise to abide by the rule of the benders, the constitution is my

Bible, Geetha, Koran, Tanakha; we the people give ourselves the comfort of the governance, hail

the democracy of faith’; let the sloganeering begin, fight election and yes..Yes..I can get a ticket

too: M.L.A. Annant said that he will take a padyatra, a walk, across the state for the betterment

of what else, river Ganga,.. save it man.” Annant laughed hoarsely.

“Annant it is your arrogance that makes you deride things around you, the world goes like that,

this is the system of the ruling and now is the time to side with them; tell me if and when you are

ready to join, I would talk to the junior Chadhury.” An exasperated JDB pulled a file for comfort.

Paper tiger still, despite the disc ruling. Misnomer Miser.

“No not at all, I understand your helplessness, but need I care, for your care, the vet. makes me a

black sheep, but I refuse to follow the treaded path, I will carve my own; novel and unique, let

my ambition make a mark now.” Annant hissed.

“Doesn’t yoga discipline you to accept and to respect?” JDB asked.

“It is the discipline of the mind sir not of the matters worldly, and respect is for the practice, the

sadhana.”

24

“Son, the world is dog eats dog kind, one has to be careful in its dealings, and anyway, it is up to

you, I would be waiting for your reply.”

“I am waiting for the tea sir and my leaf of lucre, if you could do the needful.” Annant sits in

shuffles.

“Off course; it is your right, which you have earned through your discourses: were you in the

bazaars in the morning? I think I saw you with that cousin of yours, the doctor- keep away from

him, and there was the white guy, who was he?”

“The whitey mighty? Oh! He is my student, learns yoga from me, Jorden is his name, from

London.” Annant knew how to tame the master, throw a bone of the land across the seas and see

the tail wag.

“Is he? Good, seems rich, ask him to take you to the west, earn dollars or Euros, my son;

Ramcharan, get tea for Annant sahib, quickly.” JDB is impressed and Annant presses the

advantage- The home run.

“Yes it could be done, he must be rich, as all whites are or seem so, I can immigrate and be

successful.” Annant changes the chair choosing a revolving one –let the last rites be performed

with panache of a Casanova.

“Rich? What you are talking about? They own the world, I tell you Annant this could be your big

break, go to America, settle down earn money ,send some for your father, poor man, needs rest

now, a bottle of wine for me would do. Can I invite him here? I have some rum remaining and

your father can arrange for the flesh, even at Haridwar how he manages: perhaps he can donate a

25

nice sum of money to our college, or call me to some foreign university, here drink tea.” He

offers Annant a cup half filled with tea and with a cracked rim.

Annant slurps on it hungrily, making sounds.

“Change course Annantji, no sounds lest you are termed a beast; you are going west, etiquette

and what they call- fork and knife; forget Sharmaji Poorie wale, it is Pizza my dear which would

bring the moolah.”

“It would certainly, but let me enjoy the pleasantness of the hot broth, Ramcharan ki Jai ho”.

Annant said in his contentment.

“These slum wallhas have given a new anthem; Ghandhiji is the need of the hour, wish he could

come back, fight poverty with zeal, but you prepare to go, pack up from India, search west and

bring the goodies to this country.” He directed.

JDB is the super cop, thought Annant.

“I would, as you command sir, but can I have another cup of the warm shake, before I go?”

“Yes most certainly, when are you bringing the gentleman to my house; Jorden Sir, he is, isn’t

he?”

“He is a Jew”.

“How do I care, as long as he is of the color white. Bring him along and let me entertain him on

your behalf, I have a feeling that something is going to crop up.” He cried.

An excited seventy year old: a marble in a hole.

26

Ramcharan, smelling of ethyl spirit enters with another rimless white cup of tea, piping hot

though.

“Sir you are going to foreign, all talking since morning, if you go call me I would serve you tea

there, serve you the rest, just once, let me roam in the streets of the lights, Haridwar is all Ganga,

and raw rum.” Ramcharan slurs.

Now all need dreams and aspirations, no holding back the open India. It is Gobble up time for

Indians: this Globalization.

“Ramcharan, can you arrange this raw rum of yours for the foreign guest of ours?” JDB on his

arranging binge.

“Yes sir I can brew it right here in this college, it will be closed anyway, behind the library

building, under the Gulmohor tree shades we can dug up a pit, I will bring the necessary spices.

Can you tell your doctor brother to arrange for some Methyl spirit? We can give him a bottle

too.” Ramcharan chomps on his beetle stuffed mouth vigorously.

“Sameer can get you that, sir my payment, so that I make the necessary arrangements.” Annant

played on.

“Yes; Ramcharan, tell Kulkarni to pay up Annant sahib in cash now. Wait. Tell him to bring the

cash to me.” JDB the real trader- money and honey never to be shared.

“Thank you sir.” Annant prepared to leave.

“Why thank me, it is your earning, do think of the offer, Chadhury brothers are the owners of

Haridwar, they would make your life, move on kid, dreams can wait life doesn’t, it is an old man

27

wishing you , care for your father, poor man has struggled all his life, live up to his dreams at

least, here your money.” He handed Annant crisp notes.

Annant wanders inside the campus for a while then moves out into the bazaars. He decides to

take a walk across the canal road and takes a bend. The canal road is deserted, which he finds as

strange. Bathers want maximum fruit so they would bath at the holiest of all Ghats, poor Ganga

is attractive in parts and on occasions, for the rest it is ignored.

She died before she could tell her story, or did she tell about him? Annant tried to remember but

his memory fails him. She had a verve which he took note of when he first encountered her. So

you want to know, but why, for what, he had asked. How is that your concern she asked. Well,

and then get lost, for good, one who challenges my authority at the very onset, would do the

same when she knows what I have to tell. You have a point all right, I want to know so that I can

live a complete life, evolve, be blissful. Then I would, for bliss, the Annand is the final, nothing

beyond. Annant had agreed. Tell me more like lore, was her mantra till she took the drastic step

to end it all. Did she know that it would start all over again? Did he tell her.? Did she listen? His

mind becomes restless as he sat on the embankment of the canal letting the spasm of guilt pass

by.

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