Critical Thinking 7

Interpersonal Communication What processes facilitate and hinder your ability to communicate and be understood?

What are the Functions of Interpersonal Communication? Communication gives us the ability to give and receive information, manage interpersonal conflicts, and to work with others to solve problems and make decisions Six primary interpersonal motives are satisfied through conversation: Pleasure Affection Inclusion Escape from other activities Relaxation Control and influence over others

The Basic Function of Everyday Conversation Basic Function: Insuring a relationship will continue Conversations help to persuade someone that we ‘d like them to become involved more deeply with us They encourage another person to develop a mental image of a continuing relationship with us

Conscious & Unconscious Control of Interpersonal Communication Much of our conversation occurs without conscious thought or control You will enact prior scripts that were developed in similar encounters These scripts are examples of the automatic mental control processes This allows you to converse with little conscious effort Mental scripts operate whenever you find yourself discussing a topic with someone while thinking about something else Some aspects of communication seem automatic, others are more deliberate Sometimes you’ll plan what to say in advance Conscious control allows you to correct yourself, to change topics, to avoid saying the “wrong” thing at the wrong time, and add a fresh view Conscious control is evident in uncomfortable situations or when you want to express displeasure but don’t want to get into a conflict

Multiple Communication Channels Speaking and Writing A communication channel is the route by which messages are conveyed Face-to-face produces more accurate messages and higher levels of satisfaction among people The telephone is the next preference for communicating It has certain advantages when compared to face-to-face communication Some complex problems can be solved just as efficiently over the phone as face-to-face When negotiating, the person with the stronger case has a better chance over the phone The phone has the advantage of not being seen Writing produces the least accurate communication format

Body Language The various arm and hand gestures, facial expressions, tones of voice, postures, and body movements used to convey certain messages You have less conscious control over your specific body gestures or expressions while talking Body language helps you communicate certain emotions, attitudes, and preferences Body language supports your verbal communications Vocal signals of timing, pitch, voice stress, and various gestures add meaning to what you say

Interpreting Body Language The components of body language Body contact – who you touch and how Body orientation – where you sit and stand in relationship to others Body posture – the way you walk, sit, and stand indicates emotional state Gestures – movements of the hands, feet, and other body parts Head nods – shows interest in others Facial expressions – often indicates emotional state Eye movements – location and length of gaze suggests emotions, interest Vocal expressions – loudness, pitch, speed, voice quality, smoothness Appearance – signals about self-image and your needs to impact others Much of your body language signals your emotional responses

Looking at Body Language Problem: nonverbal messages have no universal meaning Various body postures, gestures, and facial expressions typically represent certain meanings Principles to interpret nonverbal cues: 1. Focus on more than one nonverbal cue Nonverbal cues often occur in groups 2. Focus on both what a person says and what they do Watch to see if nonverbal cues match the verbal message 3. Focus on nonverbal cues if people say one thing and do another Watch if the behavior is incongruent or contradictory 4. Focus on the context when interpreting nonverbal messages Sometimes the meaning of the message is in the environment or circumstances

N o I S e in the Channel Managing noise in your messages Semantic noise – comes from not understanding what a person means Emotional noise – comes from upsets in a relationship Environmental noise – can be what normally surrounds you or is deliberately introduced Noise can come from a number of verbal or written communications Sometimes noise is purposely introduced to make communications more difficult Double-speak – the use of language that makes the bad seem good and the unpleasant attractive

Doublespeak Categories Euphemisms Inoffensive or positive words or phrases used to avoid having to use harsh, unpleasant or distasteful words or phrases The military refers to killing innocent civilians as “collateral damage” Jargon Specialized language of a trade or profession A bad neighborhood referred to as “challenging urban environment” Bureaucratese Piling on of words to try to overwhelm people with them: Intellectualization Inflated language Language designed to make the ordinary seem extraordinary or everyday things seem impressive Used cars are termed “preowned” or a store salesperson is a “sales counselor”

Multiple Meanings in Your Messages Manifest Content The facts being conveyed Latent Content The things that your words, sentences, and gestures symbolize about your attitudes, values, feelings, and motives There is a surface structure and deeper structure to all communications Focusing only on the surface meaning of the words you will miss a lot of important information You will ignore the underlying attitudes, values, and feelings in the message

Hidden Agendas Intentionally withholding information, feelings and motives Is used to influence and manipulate the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of another Is seen when playing “head games” or just “playing games” Can be used to avoid conflict in a relationship, create feelings of optimism, or to control others

The Effects of Hidden Agendas on Relationships Hidden agendas are part of the latent contend of a message They influence the ongoing interactions with another The presence of hidden agendas inevitably leads to frustration, anxiety, or the questioning of your ability to cope Managing hidden agendas The goal is to increase the amount of information into interactions Dealing with hidden agendas 1. Diagnose accurately that a hidden agenda is present 2. Once you’re sure, take some initiative to bring the agenda to light 3. Don’t make the person feel guilty or defensive about the hidden agenda 4. Develop the habit of discussing the way you work and interact with others

The Signs of Hidden Agendas Evasiveness when questioned Anxiety and suspicions develop: “things are not what they seem” Tension, anger, and frustration occur for apparently no reason Long-winded discussion on a topic that goes nowhere “ Pat” responses are given no matter how the question is phrased Beating around the bush with phrases like: “You know what I mean” Critical information is omitted from a conversation What you are told is different from what you know to be true Drifting from one topic to another and not sticking to one topic Conflicts occur for no apparent reason Problems that were presumably “solved” recur at a future date Inconsistencies are present in what a person says and how it is said

The Interpersonal Gap Messages are filtered through your attitudes, values, and beliefs Changes in meaning occur through the filtering The interpersonal gap - difference in interpretation between what the “speaker said” and what the “receiver heard” Preventing the interpersonal gap – take steps to understand what the person really said Ask questions, summarize and paraphrase what the person said, and check out your perceptions for correctness

Communication Networks Patterns that control the nature and quality of the contacts people have with each other The patterns are based on formal and informal rules that determine who controls the flow of information, the availability of people to each other, the amount of participation that is possible, and the degree to which one- and two-way dialogues occur Communication networks affect the flow of information People who control the flow of information tend to be most satisfied with the interactions that are made The problem occurs when those in charge feel that everyone else feels the same

More on Communication Networks Communication patterns determine the accessibility of people Barriers may exist that determine how people become available to each other Inaccessibility can be frustrating and may contribute to the perception that others don’t care about you Networks affect the amount of participation among members A communication pattern regulates the flow of information and the accessibility of people to each other thus affecting the amount of participation among members is affected

More on Communication Networks Communication patterns can facilitate or hinder two-way dialogues One-way communication – lecture hall format; one person dominating the conversation Two-way communication – when there is the opportunity to listen and respond Networks may distort the meaning of a message Constraints on the flow of information and a relative lack of two-way dialogues may modify the meaning of a message as it is passed on

More on Communication Networks The types of distortion networks can produce Sharpening, or the selective perception and retention of facts That is, information mentioned first or last or those aspects of a message that are emotionally laden are retained Leveling, or making the message shorter This makes the message easier to understand, however, the shorter version that remains typically fits the listener’s bias Assimilation occurs The facts or details that remain after the message is sharpened or leveled are made into a coherent story

More on Communication Networks Factors that play roles in distortions People do not always listen to what is said There is a tendency to think about what to say next rather than listening to what someone is saying; giving only part of the message Your ability to remember all the information is limited Asking questions, repeating key points and taking notes enhances the understanding of what someone says Tunnel vision sets in when you’re overloaded with tasks, distracted, rushed for time or under stress It’s impossible to deal with everything so you’ll selectively tune out parts of a message in order to simplify it Overcoming distortions The receiver is not solely responsible for correctly interpreting the message The sender is also accountable As the sender of the message you are responsible to see that it was received When sending a message, ask the receiver if it was understood

How status and affect influence communication Status The differences in the amount of influence and power or how dominant one person is relative to another It is based on factors such as the amount of expertise and knowledge, assertiveness, independence, and leadership you display relative to another When one person has more status, communication is diminished Affect The emotional tone that exists between two or more people It includes such things as how friendly, warm, cooperative, and accepting they are of each other

Psychological Size and Distance Psychological Size The perceived impact one person has relative to another Those perceived as psychologically big have a high potential for influencing and controlling other individuals Psychological distance The degree of positive and negative affect in a relationship The greater the perceived distance among individuals, the more negative affect or unpleasant emotions there are likely to be in those relationships Consequences of psychological size and distance Differences in titles, expertise, facility with language, etc. are common Such variations will facilitate or hinder attempts to interact Diminishing unpleasant levels of psychological size and distance Recognize that they are a problem and identify whether status or size concerns predominate and/or if the concerns deal with affect or distance Take some responsibility for the problem, and avoid waiting for someone else to change first

Communication Styles Preferred ways of Interacting Communication styles emerge in Your interactions with others and reflect “how” you prefer to interact They reflect how you try to control and influence others People tend to respond in predictable ways to each style Differences occur because of a tendency to respond in a complimentary manner One behaves in a dominant way, the other submissive Advantages: rewards greater, and costs minimized In terms of affect, with a reciprocal response you will receive the same type of affect Interactions are not always neat and tidy

Implications of Your Communication Style You help to create your social reality Because of how people normally respond to each other, they tell others how to treat them To change the way others react, you need to change your style People with rigid styles find it difficult to change When dealing with rigid people, special techniques must be used Hostile dominant – come from a position of strength by being neither friendly or not friendly; they bait you with anger; act like a computer Overly submissive – become more submissive than they are

The Communication Environment Temperature, humidity, noise, crowding, lack of privacy, the arrangement of physical objects and people The environment where the interactions take place is not simply physical; psychological factors play a role Your perceptions of personal space The emotional climate of the setting

The Role of Physical Space Environmental competence – your ability to understand how the arrangement of people and objects influences the ability to communicate The environment plays an important role in communication Physical space affects your interactions You need to recognize that physical settings affect your interactions by encouraging or discouraging social contact The arrangement of objects in the physical environment has a tendency to either push people together or push them apart Visual contact has a tendency to make people more responsive to each other Many people treat a physical setting as fixed and unchangeable Many objects in your environment are pseudo-fixed features of the physical space

The Role of Personal Space The personal territories or zones you interact in and within which you allow only certain types of behaviors to occur The personal space zones 1. Intimate distance – from your body to 18 inches Only those you like and have affection for are allowed in this zone When people try to enter without your permission, they violate your expectations for appropriate behavior 2. Personal distance – from 18 inches to 4 feet With people you know e.g. eating in a restaurant, playing cards Violations of this zone make people feel uneasy and they become irritated 3. Social distance – 4 to 12 feet Business meetings, formal dinners, small classrooms 4. Public distance - beyond 12 feet Addressing a crowd, watching a sporting event, in a large lecture hall

The Role of the Emotional Climate The overall emotional tone of the conversation Factors underlying a defensive emotional climate 1. A self-perceived flaw that you refuse to admit to others 2. A sensitivity to that flaw 3. A perception that you are under attack 4. The attack focuses on that flaw Women report greater feelings of defensiveness than males Both sexes were just as likely to reciprocate in kind when someone tried to make them defensive

More on the Emotional Climate Reducing a defensive climate Become less judgmental and more descriptive with feedback Focus on behaviors and show a genuine interest in the questions Develop a problem-solving orientation with people Collaborate with others in defining problems and seeking solutions Try to empathize more with others and their concerns Try to appreciate what others may say even though you may disagree Treat others as equals Try to trust others, to participate in projects with them, and attach little importance to differences Communications skills that reduce the defensive climate Active listening skills Search for the meaning and understanding behind the words Paraphrasing Putting into your own words Summarizing a message Condense the message Validating what was said Step into the other person’s shoes Reflecting others’ feelings Verbalize the senders feelings Describing your feelings Speak in terms of feelings: “I’m feeling _____ because of what happened”

Critical Thinking 7

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Critical Thinking 7