Founder Communication Workshop April 2016 (500 Startups)

Founder Communication
InnerSpace
Joe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla
April 15, 2016

Why are we doing this? (Part 1)

Why are we doing this? (Part 2)

INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #2
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1
Shared

Feelings & Emotions – Why??Feelings & Emotions – Why??

Self-Disclosure
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion – the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”
Self-Disclosure

“ VULNERABILITY IS
THE BIRTHPLACE
OF CONNECTION. ”
BRENÉ
BROWN

Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top
quartile managers from bottom quartile
managers was strength of affection.”
--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”,
Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Team & Culture

Effective Teams
1. Participation
2. Collaboration
3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to
Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004

“I’m starting to
feel defensive”
Inward
(my emotions)
Outward
(others’ emotions)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Management
(“Regulation”)
“He seems to be
getting agitated”
• Take a deep breath
• “Could you give
me a sec?”
• Take a walk
“Are you ok?”
EQ (Individual)

High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms
determine group EQ
Group EQ

#1 Factor for Happiness
on the Job:
Feeling appreciated
-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
1. Create a space for it
2. Lead by example

Photo:RobbieGrubbs
Can I give you some feedback?

Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response

So… how do we communicate feedback
while minimizing defensiveness?

• Focus on specific, observable behavior
When you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on you
I feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or
intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Stay on your side of the net!

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Joe, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are
clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am
feeling anxious about what message that might send to
others in the room.

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try another example…
1. You’re not very approachable.
2. When I asked you for time off last week, you didn’t
respond very well. You’re not very approachable.
3. When I asked you for time off last week and you said “oh
man, the team really needs you right now,” I felt guilty
for asking, even though that time off is important to me.
And I’ve noticed I’m more hesitant now to approach you
with questions or requests.

When you do [x]…
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].

Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 Feedback

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityThe Setup
1. Check in
– “Is now a good time?”
2. Soft Start
– Do not use praise to buffer criticism (“The Sandwich”)
– Do emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:
“My intention is…… / This matters to me because…”

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityReceiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”
– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Help the other person feel heard
– Ask clarifying questions
– Restate what you’ve heard to confirm understanding
• Acknowledge your feelings
– Manage your own defensiveness: “Affect Labeling”
– Disclose your reactions, thoughts, feelings
• Gift mentality: Say “Thank you!”

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityEnd with Agreements
• Make requests
– What are we going to try / do differently going forward?
• Be specific
• Discuss the error case
– What can we do if someone doesn’t do their part of the
agreement?

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net:
When you do [x]…
I feel [y]…
And my story is [z].
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product
– Timeliness, quality, quantity,
focus area
Communication & Management
– Too much/little
– Choice of format
– Email etiquette
– Language choices,
communication style with others
– Transparency of project status,
hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence
– What energy do you feel from
this person?
– How do they impact others?
– What do they model well?
– Anything you worry about?
– Arrival/departure times
– How they speak/listen/act/dress

Fostering a feedback-rich culture
• Train your team on giving/receiving feedback
• Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin
1:1s with two-way feedback)
– And set expectations of others to do the same

Thanks, good-bye, and stay on
your side of the net 

Founder Communication Workshop April 2016 (500 Startups)

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