Founder Communication
InnerSpace
Joe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla
March 3, 2016
Why am I doing this? (Part 1)
One Big Idea
INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #2
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1
Shared
Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Everyone feels them;
we just pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial
information; absence
of emotion leaves
out half the story.
Emotions indicate
importance. Most
powerful motivator?
They are
an early warning
system
Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Self-Disclosure
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion – the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”
Self-Disclosure
“ VULNERABILITY IS
THE BIRTHPLACE
OF CONNECTION. ”
BRENÉ
BROWN
Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top
quartile managers from bottom quartile
managers was strength of affection.”
--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”,
Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders
If You Really Knew
Me…
Feedback & Influence
Exercise #3: Complimentary Feedback
Think of one thing your cofounder does
that you really appreciate
1. Describe the behavior as specifically
as possible
2. Describe the impact the behavior has
on you
#1 Factor for Happiness
on the Job:
Feeling appreciated
-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees
Photo:RobbieGrubbs
Can I give you some feedback?
Photo by State Farm [link]
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response
So… how do we communicate feedback
while minimizing defensiveness?
INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #2
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1
Shared
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• Focus on specific, observable behavior
When you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on you
I feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or
intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Joe, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are
clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am
feeling anxious about what message that might send to
others in the room.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
When you do [x]…
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 Feedback
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”
– Learning is better than being right
– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Listen and ask clarifying questions
• Acknowledge your feelings
• Gift mentality
– Say “Thank you!”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback
• Do not praise to buffer criticism
– Avoid “The Sandwich”
• Do not praise to overcome resistance
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback
• Use a soft start
– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:
My intention is… / This matters to me because…
When you do [x], I feel [y].
• Be aware of your own stress
• Goal is joint problem solving
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net
When you do [x], I feel [y].
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product
– Timeliness, quality, quantity,
focus area
Communication & Management
– Too much/little
– Choice of format
– Email etiquette
– Language choices,
communication style with others
– Transparency of project status,
hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence
– What energy do you feel from
this person?
– How do they impact others?
– What do they model well?
– Anything you worry about?
– Arrival/departure times
– How they speak/listen/act/dress
Fostering a feedback-rich culture
• Train your team on giving/receiving feedback
• Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin
1:1s with two-way feedback)
– And set expectations of managers/leaders to do
the same
Thanks, good-bye, and stay on
your side of the net 

Founder Leadership Workshop

  • 1.
    Founder Communication InnerSpace Joe Greenstein& Semira Rahemtulla March 3, 2016
  • 2.
    Why am Idoing this? (Part 1)
  • 3.
  • 4.
    INTENT Needs Motives Stories Reality #2 IMPACT Assumptions Feelings Responses Reality #3 3Realities (The “Net” Model) The Net BEHAVIOR Verbal Non-Verbal Reality #1 Shared
  • 5.
    Feelings & Emotions– Why?? Everyone feels them; we just pretend we don’t. Convey crucial information; absence of emotion leaves out half the story. Emotions indicate importance. Most powerful motivator? They are an early warning system Feelings & Emotions – Why??
  • 6.
    Self-Disclosure Will I beless liked, respected, influential (leader-like)? Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the relationship? Will others use this information against me? How will others see/assess/ judge me? “What in my ‘bubble’ should I share?” Self-Disclosure
  • 7.
    “ VULNERABILITY IS THEBIRTHPLACE OF CONNECTION. ” BRENÉ BROWN
  • 8.
    Authentic Leaders “The singlefactor distinguishing top quartile managers from bottom quartile managers was strength of affection.” --“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Posner Authentic Leaders
  • 9.
    If You ReallyKnew Me…
  • 10.
  • 11.
    Exercise #3: ComplimentaryFeedback Think of one thing your cofounder does that you really appreciate 1. Describe the behavior as specifically as possible 2. Describe the impact the behavior has on you
  • 12.
    #1 Factor forHappiness on the Job: Feeling appreciated -- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees
  • 13.
  • 14.
    Photo by StateFarm [link] Social situations ≈ Physical threats Threat Response
  • 15.
    So… how dowe communicate feedback while minimizing defensiveness?
  • 16.
    INTENT Needs Motives Stories Reality #2 IMPACT Assumptions Feelings Responses Reality #3 3Realities (The “Net” Model) The Net BEHAVIOR Verbal Non-Verbal Reality #1 Shared
  • 17.
    Benefits of Self-Disclosure/ VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback • Focus on specific, observable behavior When you do [x]… • Describe the impact of that behavior on you I feel [y]… • Ask about the other person’s motives or intentions Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
  • 18.
    Benefits of Self-Disclosure/ VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples… 1. Joe, you clearly don’t care about this presentation. 2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation. 3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about what message that might send to others in the room.
  • 19.
    Benefits of Self-Disclosure/ VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback When you do [x]… I feel [y == emotion] that / like And my story is [z]. Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
  • 20.
    Photo by AnaKarenina [link] 1:1 Feedback
  • 21.
    Benefits of Self-Disclosure/ VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback • Look for “Grains of Truth” – Learning is better than being right – Goal is understanding, not winning • Listen and ask clarifying questions • Acknowledge your feelings • Gift mentality – Say “Thank you!”
  • 22.
    Benefits of Self-Disclosure/ VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback • Do not praise to buffer criticism – Avoid “The Sandwich” • Do not praise to overcome resistance
  • 23.
    Benefits of Self-Disclosure/ VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback • Use a soft start – Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent: My intention is… / This matters to me because… When you do [x], I feel [y]. • Be aware of your own stress • Goal is joint problem solving
  • 24.
    Benefits of Self-Disclosure/ VulnerabilityLast Reminder Stay on your side of the net When you do [x], I feel [y]. Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
  • 25.
    Benefits of Self-Disclosure/ VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback Work Product – Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus area Communication & Management – Too much/little – Choice of format – Email etiquette – Language choices, communication style with others – Transparency of project status, hiring/firing/promotions Role Modeling & Presence – What energy do you feel from this person? – How do they impact others? – What do they model well? – Anything you worry about? – Arrival/departure times – How they speak/listen/act/dress
  • 26.
    Fostering a feedback-richculture • Train your team on giving/receiving feedback • Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin 1:1s with two-way feedback) – And set expectations of managers/leaders to do the same
  • 27.
    Thanks, good-bye, andstay on your side of the net 