Founder Leadership & Communication Workshop - 11/14/14

Founder Communication
Joe Greenstein
Nov 14, 2014

Topics for Today
Disclosure & Vulnerability
Effective Teams & Culture
Feedback & Relationships
Format: Learn together, not talk at you
Photo by Alex Eflon [link]

Working
agreements
I ask you to…
Challenge yourself
Respect confidentiality
Minimize distractions
Wait for breaks & return on time
Can we all commit to this?

Agenda
Disclosure & Team stuff 80 mins
Break 10 mins
Feedback concepts & practice 75 mins
Break 10 mins
1:1 feedback 50 mins
Closing 15 mins
TOTAL 4 hrs
Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]

Three Realities (The Net Model)
INTENT
Needs
Motives
Situation
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2
Common
IMPACT
Feelings
Reactions
Responses
Reality #3
The Net

FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS - WHY?
Everyone feels
them, we just
pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial
information,
absence of
emotion leaves
out half the story.
Emotions indicate
importance.
Most powerful
motivator?
They are
an early warning
system

One more quick note: Where We Learn Most
Stress
Learning
15%
Comfort

SELF-DISCLOSURE
We are constantly making the choice of
letting our self be more fully known
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion – the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”

Vulnerability
“In order for connection to happen, we
have to allow ourselves to be really
seen.”

Vulnerability
The Paradox of Trust
You prefer to look strong rather than weak.
Problem: Everyone knows that.
Result: Willingness to show (some) weakness is
perceived as sign of strength.

More Benefits of Self-Disclosure
1. Build connection, trust
2. Repair distortions
3. Avoid “progressive impoverishment”

Johari Window
© Carole Robin, Ph.D., 2011
I know I don’t know
OPEN/
PUBLIC
BLIND
PRIVATE UNKNOWN
You
know
You
don’t
know
Reactions/Feedback
D
i
s
c
l
o
s
u
r
e

The Bottom Line
1. Disclosure is critical to connection.
2. Vulnerability is usually seen as strength.
3. Authentic leaders are more influential.
Conclusion: Consider being more open.

Team & Culture
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Read
More

Effective Teams
1. Participation
2. Collaboration
3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Problem: Can’t order people to do any of this.

Essential Conditions
1. Mutual trust
2. Group identity (feeling of belonging)
3. Group efficacy (belief in value of the team)
Research: All of these are correlated to group EQ.

EQ (Individual)
Emotional awareness
Emotion regulation (≠ suppression)
Inward (one’s own emotions)
Outward (others’ emotions)

Group EQ
High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Create awareness of emotion
Help regulate emotion

Our norms
What norms do we have?
What norms do we need?
What can you do as leaders?
Photo by jm3 [link]

What we mean by “feedback”
1. Not formal performance reviews
2. Not teaching functional skills
3. Discussions about interpersonal interactions and
working relationships

Why is feedback important?
1. Personal Development
2. Team Effectiveness
3. Stronger relationships
Bottom line: Feedback is how we grow.

Can I give you
some feedback?
Photo: Robbie Grubbs

Feedback and
Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
social threat

Threat response
Physiological signs?
Emotional Signs?
Cognitive Signs?
Photo by State Farm [link]

Social threat
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Many times/day…
Most common location?

The Workplace
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]

SCARF Model
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
Read
More
David Rock
What social situations
trigger a threat
response?

SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
Read
More

The Bottom Line
1. As a leader, you are a walking, talking social
threat. Be aware of this, be thoughtful.
2. You are also a role model – watch your own
defensive reactions.

A personal aside… The owl & the crocodile.
“The limbic system that evolved to help us survive may be slowly killing us with the
internal stress and external damage it produces...“
Dr. Seymour
Who’s talking now?

So… how do we communicate feedback
while minimizing defensiveness?

THE NET (AGAIN)
INTENT
Needs
Motives
Situation
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2
Common
IMPACT
Feelings
Reactions
Responses
Reality #3
The Net

New Mental Model
1. Feedback is new information about the internal reactions my
behavior has triggered in another person.
2. A feedback conversation is an opportunity for me to share new
information about the internal worlds behind my behavior.
3. Both sides get to decide what to do with that new
information.
Feedback is a gift!

How to Give Effective Feedback
1. Focus on specific, observable behavior
2. Describe the impact of that behavior on YOU
3. Do NOT address MY motives or intentions.
(Do listen actively if I choose to share them.)
Stay on your side of the net!

The simplest
feedback model
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]

Lets try some examples…
1. Semira, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone.
You are clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone.
I am feeling anxious about whether I am doing a
good job with this presentation.

1:1 feedback
Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
Read
More

Tips for Complimentary Feedback
● Give more!!!
● Do not praise to overcome resistance
● Do not praise to buffer criticism
● Avoid “The Sandwich”
● Avoid platitudes. Be specific
● Weak: “John - you are a great boss.”
● Strong: “John - when you give me specific feedback, I feel
excited because I have a chance to grow professionally.”

Tips for Constructive Feedback
• Assume good intent, be curious
• Use a soft start
• emphasize mutual goals & positive intent for the conversation.
• Be aware of your own stress
• Goal is joint-problem solving

Tips for Receiving Feedback
● Gift mentality
● Listen and ask clarifying questions
● Acknowledge your feelings
● Goal is understanding, not “winning”
● Say “Thank You!”

Last Reminder
Stay on your side of the net
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions

Challenge
yourself
Photo by Daniel Oines [link]

Thanks, goodbye, & stay on
your side of the net.

Founder Leadership & Communication Workshop - 11/14/14

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