Funny speech by ali raza
- 1. When I was in school, I was in love. I was in love okay But I didn’t have the courage to tell her anything But she found out anyway Because I went to my best friend and I was like “Listen!” “Don’t tell anybody…!” “But I like Sana” Now I didn’t know then But the fastest way to tell everybody is to tell somebody not to tell anybody. Because this guy went and told his friend “Listen don’t tell anybody…” “But Ali likes Sama” That guy went and told his friends “Don’t tell anybody….” “But Ali likes Samiya” Because rumors in school goes like Chinese whispers……right? So by the time rumor came to me, The rumor was Ali is a gay, but Saima Chaudhary likes him Still I don’t have the courage to tell her anything…..nothing. instead I do that one thing that all schoolboys do when they are in love I stated at her from across the corridors just like piece ta bra taat aye Cosmic love rays just flying out of my eyes *sound of hormones and honeybee* It’s the fastest way to let her khow that you are a Punder
- 2. After two years in 10th standard, I’m like the most important year of our school lives, I;m like this is a great time to ask her out Now she’ll say yes. So I find her alone in the corridor for like this one microsecond…….. Because girls in the school are never alone. Why the girls in the school ar never fucking alone? There arew always four other girls on the side going “Dekho, dekho, tumhari trf dekh rha ha!” What the fuck are these four girls? I hate them!!! I mean I genuinely fucking and these four girls are laughing They fucking laugh My insecurities are not helped by this, I mean Phla hi itni phatti hui ha I look like a P.T. Sir please…. You don’t need to laugh *laughing* It is the sound of my Drowna-khawab And always they might be laughing at someone else. But I look I mean it always….. To every guy…. Every fucking guy. It just seems like they are laughing at you, and your family Your whole family okay Your whole fucking family. I’m walking past then and they do laughing* And I’m like in my head
- 3. Ali Raza to chutiya ha. So I find her alone in the corridor And I go in and I’m like “Um,..um Sana , I love you” “Will you go out with me?” I will never forget what she said “Uh-No” I’m like “Why?” “Didn’t you see the cosmic love rays?” She’s like “I did, but you say you love me” “And I don’t even know who you are” I’m like “Fair point. I will try again next year!” Because for me asking a girl out is like being a bakra on Eid, It happens every year and doesn’t end well* So the next year I asked her out again And this time she said yes! And I feel like, like you remember when Nawaz Sharif became Na-ahal, then Imran khan said “Tabdeeli aa nhi rhi ha, tabdeeli aa gai ha” So things were great! Things were…like…we were dating. It was awesome. Um…But then one year later She turns to me and she said, “Ali….. I want to breakup with you.” *wave of pity*
- 4. Yeah it was fucking terrible, Yup, and I think I had zero clue. That this was going to happen I think I am not the only one I think guys in general have no idea When a relationship is going badly. Zero clue. But the girls are like “The signs were there since the beginning” Beginning…..? What signs….? “Oh so you haven’t noticed that I’ve stopped liking your Facebook posts? NO “Oh and you havnt noticed that I’m taking longer to reply to your Whatsapp messages?” Why…..? “Oh and you haven’t noticed that we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of months?” Now that you mention it….. “That’s because I got married…. WHAT! Yeah! That’s my son- say “hi” to uncle It’s awkward that you don’t even like see the kid yarrrr…! Is there—ho ga koi bekhari ka bacha!
- 5. Point is I got dumped! How many of you have gotten dumped? Make some noise. Lairs! Fucking lairs! The bunch of you. My god Sheesh, I just have the honesty to admit it….right. That is the difference between me and you. I fucking got dumped okay. And I hate those peoples. I’m sure you guys are one of those people who go like “No (x7) our breakup was mutual” *Meeuuchaallllllll* But like how was it really mutual? Did you both decided she should meet other people? No please tell me? You know these fuckers,,, It’s never mutual firstly okay You are like the roadies contestant Who gets thrown out of the show And he said “Nai ma to aesa hi choor k jana wala tha! Nhi chahiya mujha Qmobile bike
- 6. Ja rha hn ma Faisalabad” Point is that she dumped me, For a guy who is clearly worse than me Always correct..correct. Fucking chimpanzee Literal Chimpanzee No Like his arms are till here, Dude walk like this like throws dung at you…….What the hell! And the thing is (x2) ok I know I have seen the mirror I know how I look like I’m not a prize, I’m not saying that all I’m saying is If you are leaving a Samsung at least go for an Iphone What is this Qmobile that you have now? Like no battery life, dosnt lasts……. Jo aesa kar k chalta ha And it’s very confusing, it’s very confusing wen your girl leaves for someone’s who is worse than you. It is very confusing Because you don’t like…… you don’t know how to react Like half of you is really Happy. Half of you is like YESSS! “She’s is dating a looser, now she’ll know! And then the other half is,,,,,,,,, Stop one minute.
- 7. If she left you for a looser than that makes you…….. Shh it’s the first half. So here’s why she left me Because she is a Juttni And I’m a Gujjar I like living dangerously..okay It was fine between us until she told her dad about us She went to her dad and she’s like “Dad I’m dating a boy” And like all typical Pakistani dads, he said, “what you are dating a boy?” “Yes dad and he is a Gujjar” “What you are dating a gujjar boy?” “Does he study in UET Narowal? “Dose he’s doing Mechanical Engineering?” “Is he Ali Raza……….?” Thank You.