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How to win friends & influence people
- 1.
- 3. Don’t criticise, condemn orcomplain
- 4. • It isfoolish to scold • Let’s realise that the person we are going to correct & condemn will probably justify himself or herself & condemn us in return • When dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotions, creatures bristling with prejudice & motivated by pride and vanity • Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving
- 5. Give honest &sincere appreciation
- 6. The deepest urgein human nature is the desire to be important Praise people for their good work Honest appreciation got results where criticism failed Appreciation is sincere, comes from heart and is unselfish whereas Flattery is insincere, comes from teeth and is selfish
- 7. Arouse in theother an eager want
- 8. Those who cando this has the whole world with them and those who cannot walks a lonely way, but each party should gain from the negotiation The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted it Customers like to feel that they are buying - not being sold
- 9. Become genuinely interested inother people
- 10. One can makemore friends in 2 months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than one can in 2 years trying to get other people interested in you People are not interested in me or you, they are interested in themselves - morning, noon and after dinner If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm We are interested in others when they are interested in us
- 11.
- 12. You must havegood time meeting people if you expect them to have good time meeting you People are as happy as they make their minds to be Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it Smile costs nothing, but creates much Smile is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature’s best antidote for trouble Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away
- 13. Remember that aperson’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
- 14. The policy ofremembering and honouring the names of his friends and business associates was one of the secrets of Andrew Carnegie’s leadership The most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among others. The request we are making or the information we are imparting takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual
- 15. Be a goodlistener Encourage others to talk about themselves
- 16. The secret tosuccessful business intercourse is - exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you Very important people have said that they prefer good listeners to good talkers If you want to know how to make people shun you, laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. Interrupt them in the middle of a sentence
- 17. Talk in termsof the other person’s interest
- 18. The royal roadto a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most Talking in terms of other person’s interests pays off for both parties
- 19. Make the otherperson feel important - and do it sincerely
- 20. Always make theother person feel important Show courtesy - I m sorry to trouble you, would you to be so kind as to, would you mind etc Talk to the people about themselves and they will listen for hours
- 21. The only wayto get the best of an argument is to avoid it
- 22. There is onlyone way under high heaven to get the best of an argument - and that is avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes A man convinced against his will, Is of the same opinion still A misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy and a sympathetic desire to see the person’s viewpoint
- 23. Show respect forthe other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong’.
- 24. Galileo said: Youcannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just fair and open minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong Read Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography
- 25. If you arewrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
- 26. If we knowwe are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? Isn’t it much easier to listen to self criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips By fighting you never get enough but by yielding you get more than you expected
- 27. Begin in afriendly way
- 28. A drop ofhoney catches more flies than a gallon of gall Gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force
- 29. Get the otherperson saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately
- 30. Get the otherperson saying ‘Yes, yes’ at the outset Ask a gentle question - a question that will get the ‘yes, yes’ response He who treads softly goes far
- 31. Let the otherperson do a great deal of talking
- 32. If you wantenemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you Be a good listener
- 33. Let the otherperson feel that the idea is his or hers
- 34. No one likesto feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or actions on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts
- 35. Try honestly tosee things from the other person’s point of view
- 36. Success in dealingwith people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own Ask yourself: ‘Why should he or she want to do it?’
- 37. Be sympathetic withthe other person’s ideas and desires
- 38. Three - fourthsof the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you ‘I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do’
- 39. Appeal to thenobler motives
- 40.
- 41. This is theday of dramatisation. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention
- 42.
- 43. ‘The way toget things done’, says Schwab, ‘is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid money-getting way, but in the desire to excel’
- 45. Offer your spouse,your child, your parents or some associate a dollar each time he or she catches you violate a certain principle.
- 46. Keep a bookshowing all the appointments you had during the day. Devote each Saturday evening to the illuminating process of self examination, review & appraisal about interviews, discussions & meetings that you took during the week. Ask yourself - What mistakes did I made? What did I do that was right? In what ways could I improve my performance? What lessons can I learn from the experience?
- 47. Whenever you gooutdoors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile and put soul into every handclasp
- 49. Investigations has revealedthat even in such technical lines such as engineering, about 15% of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge & about 85% is due to skill in human engineering :- ability to understand and lead people
- 50. The New YorkTelephone Company made a detailed study of telephone conversations to find out which word is the most frequent used and the answer is ‘I’ ‘I’ ‘I’. It was used 3900 times in 500 telephone conversation
- 51. Franklin D Roosevelttook time to remember and recall even the names of mechanics with whom he came into contact
- 53. A great manshow his greatness by the way he treats little men
- 54. Don’t be afraidof enemies who attack you. Be afraid of friends who flatter you
- 55. If there isany one secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own
- 56. There is nothingeither good or bad but thinking makes it so
- 57. The deepest principlein human nature is craving to be appreciated
- 58. Do unto othersas you would have others do unto you
- 59. If you argueand rankle and argue, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s goodwill
- 60. Hatred is neverby hatred but by love
- 61. Be wiser thanother people if you can; but do not tell them so
- 62. One thing onlyI know, and that is that I know nothing
- 63. Sympathy the human speciesuniversally curves