Listening

Listening

• 1.
  ntroduction to Listening Note:This introduction is not meant to be delivered with powerpoints. The goal is to engage the participants in an interactive discussion where they think about listening. Listening is primarily a mental activity. Even if we are in a quiet room where words are not spoken, we listen to our own thoughts. To prove this, we will have an exercise. Break into pairs. Maintain eye contact with your partner. Don’t say anything. Just be aware of all the thoughts that rush to your head as you do this. Time: 1 minute Ask for feedback from the participants. What thoughts did they have? What were they thinking of? Even words are not being said, we listen to our own thoughts. Here is where the problem lies. Sometimes, when we’re talking to customers on the phone, what we listen to is the voice in our head, instead of the voice of the customer. Think of instances when you clearly heard the voice in your head. It could be: - when you play basketball, you make tiny decisions in your head - when you meet someone for the very first time, you make conclusions about the person - when you are arguing with someone, you think of what to say next - when you are watching a movie, you anticipate what’s going to happen next Where does the voice in our head come from?
• 2.
  Some people callit their conscience. Some people might even attribute it either to their dark side or their guardian angel. Psychologically, these voices could be our memories of parents telling us what to do, a moral guide like a priest or older relative, or even our past traumatic experiences. For example, if during our childhood, we met an accident in a dark street, as a grown up, we will always find ourselves being cautious whenever we pass through a dark alley. What have the voices in your head been telling you? Our minds naturally tend to wander. While you are in the room, you could be thinking of other things. You could be thinking of what happened to you last night or what you want to do later when we finish training. You could be thinking that you’re feeling hungry or that you want to go to the bathroom. Worse, your mind may be somewhere else. Although you may be physically present in the room, your mind could be at home, at the mall, or in dreamland. Where are you right now? It’s okay to say your mind is not here right now. Where were you just a few seconds ago? They say that the average attention span of an adult is 10 minutes. For children, it is a lot less than that – maybe 3 minutes. This is the reason why in Sesame Street , they have a new activity every 3 minutes. To improve our listening skills, you just have to remember that our minds naturally drift every 10 minutes. The solution is actually simple – just bring your awareness back. Bring your awareness back into the room and back into the present moment.
• 3.
  It’s amazing howso many people are not aware in life when they go through many activities. For example, have you ever tried going home when you’re drunk or sleepy and then not remember how you got home in the first place? Or how about times when you were cooking and you don’t even remember the many steps you went through but just found yourself staring at a cooked dish in front of you? At times, even when we’re talking to our parents or significant others, we just go through the motions but our minds may be somewhere else. Whenever this happens, just bring yourself back into the room and back into the present moment. Exercise: Let’s practice bringing ourselves back into the room and into the present moment. Again, find a partner and for 2 minutes, ask your partner to talk about what they plan to do today. If you find yourself not paying attention to your partner, just be aware of where you went and as soon as you catch that, bring yourself back into the room. Switch roles. This time, you talk and your partner listens. Our mind is a machine. When we say the word machine, we mean something that just keeps on going and going. Try to stop yourself from thinking for one minute. No thoughts, no feelings, no visuals, no images of whatever kind, not even the image of a void or a color. I will give you 1 minute to just relax and not think of anything. Even when we’re sleeping, we experience dreams. The truth is, our minds never stop working. Here is the simple truth – your mind is a machine that generates thoughts non-stop. But what makes us different from other machines is that we can be aware that our mind can behave like a machine. And once we’re aware that our mind is machine, we stop being a machine. Machines can never be aware that they are machines, but you can. The paradox is, once you’re aware that your mind generates thoughts non-stop, you can choose to stop being a machine. The thoughts will still come, but now you are aware that the thoughts are there, and you can decide to just let the come and let them go.
• 4.
  Once we areaware of our thoughts, then we don’t have to be a slave to our impulses. We can put a gap between stimulus and response. Stimulus – gap – response Exercise: Ask the participants to form a circle. Their hands are outstretched. If they feel someone tap them on the right, they tap back with their left. This is how our brain is like. We respond to everything. The voice in our head generates a lot of thoughts. When this happens during a phone call, our mind analyzes everything. The solution is just to stop generating a lot of thought when we’re listening. Bring yourself back in the room and back to the present. Trauma As kids, we experienced a lot of traumatic events. But sometimes, we confuse the event with our interpretation of the event. For example, think of a time when your dad or mom shouted at you. That is the event. You simply got shouted at. But as a kid, did you weave a lot of drama behind that event – say you though they really didn’t love you or that you decided you were not good enough. This thought could later on color or taint the relationship we have with our parent. On the phone, we get shouted at a lot. This brings up psychological defenses. When we get shouted at a lot, we may reach a point where we just close ourselves and stop listening. The important thing to remember is to separate the event from our interpretation of the event. The callers can scream as much as they like, but we don’t become less of a human being as a result of it.
• 5.
  Remove the meaningbehind the event. This is what we mean when we say don’t take it personally. Summary: We learned today that our minds don’t stop generating thoughts. We also learned that our minds can drift off. There is a voice in our head that gets in the way of listening. We also learned that when we put negative meaning into the events in our lives, we can stop seeing the world for what it actually is. The solution is very simple – just be aware of the nature of the mind and bring yourself back into the present moment. It could take a hundred times within the day – don’t worry. It’s normal. Just bring yourself back.
• 6.
  Remove the meaningbehind the event. This is what we mean when we say don’t take it personally. Summary: We learned today that our minds don’t stop generating thoughts. We also learned that our minds can drift off. There is a voice in our head that gets in the way of listening. We also learned that when we put negative meaning into the events in our lives, we can stop seeing the world for what it actually is. The solution is very simple – just be aware of the nature of the mind and bring yourself back into the present moment. It could take a hundred times within the day – don’t worry. It’s normal. Just bring yourself back.