itch.io

I already read your zine “looking on writing black characters,” and I really appreciate the insights you gave there. This zine was no different. I like how nuanced you write. At the end of my read I was pretty angry with the way itch treats a selection of creators with plausible deniability – leaving them hanging and in precarious situations.

My games are still very much in the SFW category, and I learn about new games mostly through my feed and jam entries. That’s why it completely went past me, that the de-indexing was still an ongoing issue (I wasn’t even aware friends of mine were affected >.<).

I learn about new games through recommendations, but when I first started looking for trans rep games a year ago, what i found through itch’s search was very limited. I have to assume this has only become worse over time. This added barrier is especially dire considering how scarce media portraying people from minorities in a fair light is already.

To me the trans fem dev space I found here feels like a trading ring for zines: Very personal, at times transgressive, showing a wide variety of skills, and breaking with aesthetic norms. I’m glad I found this space. It becoming less and less discoverable is really dark.

Thank you for sharing your experience and shedding a light on the issue.

That was pretty scary to me. I scaled the game window to a minuscule size during the ending, because I’m a scaredy cat.

I loved the mix of media, the choice of fonts – especially the one instance where you change it.

You managed to translate these very oppressive feelings and anxieties really palpable.

more fonts are more gooder!!!!

the aspect of a release being absolute i feel as well. but, it’s also a chance to try something that you noticed during development could be interesting, but wouldn’t fit the current project.

That looping text is so good. This “Submission to a jam that only I partake in” seems to become a thing ^^

I liked the first line indent in the history (I know a really trivial detail, but I enjoyed it).

Game dev really is a complicated thing: Drawing you in, leaving you stranded if you are not working on a game, and then it’s over. And the thing you worked and aimed for is over. To me I start to feel detached from my games as soon as I publish them. They have a life of their own now, and I hope they will do well. But I can’t bring myself to going back …

Your artwork is sooooo good. Damn.

I was a bit scared what would happen during the night. That was a tense switch from the day light fun.

That was indeed very sweet. I love how the apostrophes fit so neatly in between u’s and n’s. Thank you for sharing that journey with us.

Your guitar playing on this was rad. Unbelievable considering how new you are to this instrument!

That was intense!

Not sure I can form a complex analysis of what I liked and felt. I liked the backgrounds to start with. Though they were heavily dithered you could still see all the details that went into modelling them. I liked the small facial animations that I could only see through side glances while reading. They made those characters a lot more likeable. I found Nikko’s heavy feelings of having disappointed someone very relatable. We left the story at a point where now I want to know what happens in the aftermath of these events >.< You fiend—leaving us in the dark!!

^__^ It makes me happy that this game started all these comments. The crash of this particular hard drive happend years ago. So, it doesn’t pain me. I was able to recover a lot of the images. Just some of the RAW files were lost—which isn’t too bad, considering I do have the JPGs of most of them.

But the shock back then was pretty big. There are also quite a lot of files that I was able to recover, but would need to edit. And that task was too much at some point, so some images are still not fixed. Having photography as a hobby you accumulate so many pictures. If someone wanted to go through them all it would take so much time. I only do it from time to time, and only certain time frames (mostly to look for a specific motive), and that is really nostalgic and neat. So, I guess I’m still glad I have so many of them. But, I do feel like a hoarder a bit >.<

Whenever I come back to this game to read comments, I’m reminded that I should make a backup. The gaps between them are still pretty large <.<

Thank you so much for playing my game. I’m really really happy that it resonated with you.

Placing the dialog inside the game world is a concept I think about from time to time. But, it seems pretty daunting to integrate it in another game. I hope I find a project were I can use this idea again. Also your comment makes me want to make a game with this idea again >.< We’ll see what 2026 brings ^^

The description of your feelings during the game conversation were so beautiful. Thank you!

I’m glad you made it out of your struggle. The results are really beautiful, and I’m looking forward to see what you will come up with next.

Basicbean send me here, so I had to try this. This is so gorgeous!!! The book frame, the handwritten letters, how you included the game title in the scrawled out text, the hover texts, each of the dressing elements. You draw so beautifully and I love how well you emulated that medieval illustration style.

The game page is great as well and I’m smitten by the font you picked here.

That was such a nice journey <3

But, it was struggle to come to the conclusion. The game crashed everytime old and new touched. So, I had switch to a different browser and then it worked.

Oh, and I was very fond of the polish you put into all the little animations (UI and game world).

That was pretty cute indeed. The art was really compelling. I loved how you conveyed this mixture of kinda cool but also insecure in the character designs. Also impressed by the sheer amount of sprites you drew and how well they worked with the backgrounds.

On a different note: Wow, gatcha games are frightening in how they are able to extort money from folks O .o

<3

it’s been quite a while since i finished my playthrough of this game. i listened to the “leaving the party” podcast recently and was reminded of how much i vibed with your game.

i played it together with a friend and we had so much fun voicing the different characters. the way they are written really made that easy. i continued playing through the game on my own and still kept reading out the voices aloud (a good opportunity for voice training).

i normally look at a character from a distance and at max relate to situations they experience. with ghost i often felt quite connected. she felt like me or how i want to be in many situations. when i read how you imagined her in the art book this made even more sense to me. i love how she is – despite her troubles – a very positive, genuine, and curious person.

the variety of styles between character portraits, bgs, and scenes were lovely. i also liked the ui flourishes like the achievement sprites, and the gorgeous button hover effect (that i only saw in the beginning as i started to use number inputs after a while – shame on me).

gameplay-wise i was really stressed during the first two days and only started to go on whimsical adventures on the last two days. the gender clinic scene was so uncomfortable and it made me thankful that i didn’t need t go through these questionnaires to get my name changed (i live in germany and there was an improvement regarding name changes last year – that is already being contested).

the music was pretty memorable and together with your writing and art you played so many of my emotional strings.

llrpg was my entry point to trans games, so it holds a special place in my heart (especially because it was such a lovely experience).

thank you for crating and publishing this game.

That was delightful. I liked the audio design and music. The thought experiment that this story proposes comes to a nice conclusion. There is something hopeful about the idea that in the end it was always you.

That was a very well written essay. I liked the visuals and music you picked. It is interesting to hear others describe their relation to magical girl media. As a pre-teen I was really drawn to Sailor Moon. This affection also came with anxiety that others could thinking it was cringe. I missed the chance turning to magical girl media in earnest during my teen years. I was able to read my sisters manga at least. But I think I didn’t apply these fantasies as a possiblity for me. I enjoyed the vibe but I felt a distance between me and those stories.

thanks again cyps for playing. i’m glad to hear that this little story succeeded in reinvoking past conversations that just felt right ^^

Thanks for reading it all. I’m glad I was able to share some of these thoughts about the process. I only discovered some of the mirroring of the music and story only while writing this postmortem. Sure, I did have an idea what I wanted the music to do, but connecting it to the emotional journey I went through during the conversations I had was something I didn’t realize before. I’m glad that this reflection helped with depening your connection to the music as well ^^

It is remarkable that even though the 3D aspect of the game is one that is pretty unique, I didn’t mention the process of asset creation at all >.< But, I remember taking all these screenshots in the process and being really motivated by how everything came together step by step.

It really has a lot of similarities. While writing I thought mostly of other conversations, because they happened in person. But, forming the friendship with Snek really is inseperable with the development of 2cmb. Next entry I should mine that even more : D 2cmb sequel: Two bowls of vegan pho please ;3

I went to Japan last year—for the first time as an out trans woman. And I related a lot to Haru’s anxieties. I ended up just using the men’s section as I had only started HRT. Playing the game I was reminded how anxious I was each time. I tried to ignor the other guests and they did the same to me, which made it okay-ish—though I was asked to go to the women’s bath once (which felt quite euphoric even though I had to still go to the men’s bath after all). It was still worth it, as it is so much fun to use all the different soaps and shampoos and sit in the hot water while also being outdoors. But if I want to travel to Japan again and use an onsen I would be really unsure how to decide. I would be off in either section. So, I really appreciated the hints to book a private slot or go on the very outer edges of opening hours.

I don’t remember the ending number I got, but I was really touched by the encouragement and help Haru received from various people during my playthrough.

The art on this was luxurious!! Your story highlighted the struggle of navigating this gauntlet well: Picking a save answer and trying to put as much compassion into it without endangering you or the other person. Or going with an answer that will cause you harm in order to help someone else. I really liked that your speech highlighted how capable the other teachers are, and how these arbitrary boundries make them drop all of that, because they believe it is the right thing to do …

It is so sad to read this, because navigating relationships in general can be challenging already. But then adding to that the masquerade, the stress of dropping the facade, and the risk of hurting others … that is quite a lot.

On another note: I loved how you included the dress up UwU Also, also: Loved your voice acting <3

The mixed media style looked so great. I thought the idea to print out the pictures and adorning it with washi tape, stickers, and colors was really beautiful. It gave the whole story such a dreamy vibe. When you showed the actual colored photgraphs during the exit interview it wonderfully contrasted it. It made me realise the story took place in a (fictionalised) real place. I really appreciated this glimpse into an area I have little to no knowledge of.

The writing had such a literary feel to it. I’m not sure I always understood where in the timeline I was at a given point. I think there were jumps forward and backwards in time, but I realised this only pretty late into the game. It felt very mature and surprising in tge context of a visual novel. The “lighthearted” visuals — to me contrasted — the severity of the text. The three protagonists’ different ways of being dishonest with each other and rationalising it to themselves hurt so much more than the abandonment of the island. That was some really skillful writing.

I liked the music a lot. It was used sparse but to great effect and gave off such a lonely but calm atmosphere.

I wished for those three to end up in better places … seeing them where they are at the end of the story felt very crushing — especially the result of Alba’s (in)decisions. Again, great characterisation and writing.

Thanks a lot! I really like that everyone is sharing their thoughts and stories about this. Your’s is a really cool take. It’s so true that the second time around you are much faster and often times can get rid of flaws of the original draft.

Thanks again for playing and taking the time to comment <3

Thank you for playing my game, and thank you for sharing your thoughts and history with me!!! I’m so happy that this little jam entry was able to connect with people.

It is funny, that now that I made this game, I find myself thinking more about old pictures and projects I made. Some of the music I composed can’t be edited anymore as I don’t have the software anymore. Sometimes I never exported the songs, as I felt they were not ready yet. But, now I only have the memory and the disconnected files left. I recently exported more unfinished projects. Not sure I have a clever file structure for it, but it is nice seeing the progress and being sure, I can listen to it, even if I lose a virtual instrument plugin, due to incompatibility …

AFDGHAJDFHGDJFHG THANK YOU SO MUCH BEAN!!!

This was beautiful. It was sad and painful. It was scary. And it was hopeful.

I played the game over three days (didn’t find the time to play in one session) on a recommendation by Abbie, and I had no clue what expected me. The story was soooo good. The music was fitting so well and created such a great atmosphere. I loved how you contrasted the fear and self-doubt with encouragement. She was facing so much, and it never felt like she could overcome these things easily—if at all. But still she faced them. That was such a powerful motive. There were so many strong lines in here. The pixel art helped so much, with creating the atmosphere. The moments you switched from full screen to in-game view worked really well. I was afraid I might become stuck at some moments, but the game always led me to were it wanted me to go. So being stuck never was an issue. (I did seem to skip the credits somehow it seems >.>)

Thanks, this was a really touching experience.

thank you so much. i’m glad you could relate. and i’m sorry for your loss.

letting go of such lost media is often times such a struggle—especially for an adhd brain. in such cases mine becomes so obsessed with trying to salvage more. which makes the process even more tedious. like shouting “i can still save them” while everyone else just shakes their heads and tells me, its too late, they’re gone, move on. maybe a bit over-dramatic ^^ but this obsessing might be just another way of saying goodbye.

now that i write it like this i wonder how i will react to losing people in my life? will it be similar or is this process exclusive to my digital possessions?

aaaaanyway … thank you for playing my little gane and having such nice thing to say about it :3

I’m sorry to hear that you feel despised by the left. I can relate to that feeling. But, I think what makes approaching the left more difficult for men is, that it demands something. It demands to look at one’s own contribution. And that is really painful. Especially since forgivness and grace is something we don’t foster enough as a society. Forgivness also doesn’t come without working on the issues. And their is also the issue of gaining trust. Men get away with a lot, and the receiving end are all the described groups. So, leftist groups need to be sure, they won’t get thrown under the bus. Because they certainly don’t enjoy the same advocacy by established forces if that happens.

But, it is worth doing that work. It is worth being part of a community that builds each other up. It is so healing to receive compliments and acceptance. That is something that often happens in queer communities. Through sheer necessity. But it doesn’t examt them from working through their own to negative contributions to relationships and society at large. They often times, just see the need to do so faster, because society doesn’t provide for them as well.

In your words I see you don’t want to align yourself with Wally—noone does. But, so many of the points you made align with the character’s believes. A nation is something you were randomly born in. Most people feel an attachment to their country. Understandably so. The way you learned to live only works in that context, you hopefuly met friends there, and you’re benefiting off the achievments the ones that came before us. Additionally, in a different country you start at zero, and suddenly feel ostracized. And that knowledge should motivate one to share. On a national level but also on an international one. At least in one’s mindset. The wars in the middle east where fought mainly for control of oil. So yes, the US had no business to be there. But business was exactely what led them there. And the US didn’t contributed in the wars of its allies if there wasn’t some major benefit for them.

I can understand the doom-y outlook on the US. A country who’s populatino is militarized to such a degree is a powder keg. But, that is not the be all and end all. Connecting with people, becoming active in action that benefits your neighborhood can prevent this. It is especially difficult because the US doesn’t offer that many public spaces and connected neighborhoods. But just because it is difficult doesn’t mean it is not doable. My estimation is that this connecting work is mainly done by women. Why not join and help there? It is certainly a very leftist notion. And there are helping hands needed. It can be very rewarding to feel like you can actually contribute to some positive change.

Just some food for thought. I’m not even sure you will come back to read the replies to your comment. But I saw it and felt this game really stirred up some discomfort in you. And I wanted to encourage you to not just put it to the wayside and be satisfied that the left is not welcoming and the systems are not working. But look at were you saw something in yourself that you want to get rid of and how to make a contribution to something better.

(Kind motivated myself here to also check if there isn’t something in my district that I could join to make it better—such is self-reflection >.<)

I want to write something about this game, but I’m not sure what exactely.

It was very well written. Tying the individual radicalization to large scale developments made all of this so visceral. It was scary to read about this blatant hate and violence, that just seeks to find an outlet, while the individual actors still see themselves in the rights. Wally still seemed alone at the end, eventhough he so desperately tried to appeal to that group. It is such a sad existence. Made even more sad by the fact that—to distract from said lonelyness—they hurt others. Such a waste.

The outlook was somewhat hopeful, but definetly not painless. I’m not sure I got the outro images. I think I’m missing context. It seemed like a back and forth?

The music and selection of images was superb!!

thank you ^^ using external hard drives came more out of necessity and i tried for some time to become decent at photography. so that hard drives crash also had the added layer of losing some of my art.

i’m not even sure if i commit anything to memory deliberately—maybe i should. i think it often just either sticks or goes. maybe that’s why i enjoy pictures? i sometimes scroll through old folders and get surpised by motives i took or people i met.

i’m glad my little story helped you find words for your choice and gave you resolve for your non-external hard driven life ;3

funny side-fact: i lost a month worth of conversations on my phone this week due to my accidentally turning of my computer while my phone was still updating >.< and the best part: i considered for a moment to create a phone backup but thought it should be fine ^^

Oh god! This was a lot of things.

I loved the video opening, the typography synced with the music. That was such a cool display in such a restrained layout. The backgrounds and sprites were off-the-charts, and the interface had such nice colors and textures. The music was really musical, while still incorporating noise (and fuzz). The story was quite a journey with such a cute ending. But you also included maybe the one body horror thing that i can’t stand reading. I had to click through fast and cover my eyes (for real) and needed some time to emotionally arrive in the calmer part of the game.

That was a really impressive first game. I’m looking forward to see more!

I love your visuals (shader work?)! It looks sooooo good. I also loved the music. The clanking noise was pretty cool. It was a nice contrast to the more harsh and loud noises I encountered in other games of this jam (including my own >.<).

It reads like a lot of being torn between states : ( But I liked the hopeful outlook at the end.

got my first snek comment!!!!! thank you!!

i’m really happy you liked the writing and found it relatable to your own exp.

can’t wait for superbunny hop to make a video about l2s ^^

I wasn’t prepared for that (O .o)

Entering the second room got me from curious to an emotional state of feeling opressively overwhelmed (“beklemmend” was the word I said to Snek and she was very proud ^^). I found myself several times stearing towards that door just to find it blocked. It was all very effective.

While I was switching between looking at the floor—to find some relive—and glimpsing up—to look at those overwhelming marvels—I was again and again impressed by the visual creativity you displayed. Just the opening room alone was already full of character. The various textures and aurora-like mirrages looked soooo good. It was nice being able to walk around in your world.

I love-hated the whole experience. I found myself between a creeping panic, delighted enthusiasm, and observing distance. It was very cool.

(Someone should take away that wretched metal box that Snek calls an instrument. she’s too effective with it ^_^ )

This was such a great way to contrast your experiences. At first I read it like it was happening at the same time, and was a bit confused and only understood right about the end how this “split screen” worked. I played it again just to see it again. And now it made so much more sense. These two relationships really are like day and night, and I’m really glad you found a way out into a healthy relationship.

Your game really conveyed the feeling of having no other options, and a toxic relationship being better than none at all. But with the contrast of your current partnership you dismantle that lie so effectively. We are worthy to be treated well and feel safe. But this knowledge can take so long to aquire. The harm of thinking little of oneself is probably mroe intenser in close relationships. But, it is relevant in so many cases—be it with friends, colleagues, or family.

Thank you!

That was so poetically put. Thank you!

Suffering from the millenial curse of always covering up sincerity with irony my impulse reply was: I was just writing something that I hoped would sound interesting and funny—it wasn’t meant to be that deep. And your comment made me re-evaluate what goes on when writing. I think I underestimate the sincerity of my own experience. Just because that crash happend long ago, and the pain over the loss is long gone doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. Maybe having the distance made it easier to write about it. Anyway, I might have taken your comment completly wrong >.< But I felt called out to take myself serious. Not sure if I can explain my thought well.

Those moments when something/-one stirs up a half memory, but you can’t visualize it completly and instead of the contents of that memory you only feel loss. This kind of memory loss is scary, because it is able to call myself into question. “Did that really happen? I thought I was different …”

I’m really honored that my little game was able to conjour these thoughts and emotions for you. And thank you again for conjouring thoughts and emotions in me with your comment ^_^

i somehow only saw this comment now. i’m so sorry i didn’t reply earlier.

thanks for the kind words. i’m really thankful you were so persistent after the game crashed. and i’m glad that it was relateable to your own conversations. it’s pretty cool to hear that these kinds of conversations happen elsewhere too. also, really glad that the presentation made the conversation interesting. i only had about 3 animations per character and was a bit afraid it would be too static >.<

So many cool things in here: I love the endless scrolling text with that vanishes on the top. The writing style that uses no punctuation creating a stream-of-conscious (?) in which both characters melt into one. I loved the use of justified text, as I seldom see it used in games (probably because auto-hyphenation and automatic letter spacing is not well implemented yet—I digress). I also liked the dialog presentation: So simple but yet so effective. The concept of bodies speaking without words was really cool. It was a cute and hot encounter. And, it I think it is so cool, that just by the character models I could tell it’s a game made by you.

Oh wow! I had no clue. I feel so honored and giddy you liked my game. It’s so cool to play games of each other!!!

thanks for replying. i’m very relieved that it works now. hope you enjoyed it ^_^