Gasonga Jokes March 2003
Get Ready for another great selection of
Gasonga Jokes
March 2003 – Issue 6
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Version date: March 2003
Collated by: [Link]
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Gasonga Jokes March 2003
Bestsellers for Pin up from [Link]
The Great American Pin-Up
by Charles G. Martignette Louis K. Meisel
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Released: September, 2002 - ISBN: 3822817015
Pin-Up Dreams: The Glamour Art of Rolf Armstrong
by Janet Dobson Michael Wooldridge
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Released: November, 2001 - ISBN: 0823040151
Pin-Up Nudes II (Artist Archives)
by Max Allan Collins
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Released: June, 2002 - ISBN: 1888054573
Pin-Up
by Haijime Sorayama Hajime Sorayama
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Released: June, 1900 - ISBN: 476610322X
Military Pin-Up Kit
by Earl Moran
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Released: 01 August, 2002 - ISBN: 1888054662
1000 Pin-Up Girls
by Harald Hellmann Various Christian Goodden
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Released: September, 2002 - ISBN: 3822820946
Pin-Up Girls from Around The World
by Fred Beltran Thierry Frissen Ian Sattler Fred Beltran
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Released: 05 October, 2002 - ISBN: 1930652828
The Pin-Up: A Modest History
by Mark Gabor
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Released: October, 2000 - ISBN: 3822858552
Pin-Up Nudes (Artist Archives)
by Max Allan Collins
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Released: 15 March, 2001 - ISBN: 1888054476
For the Boys: 30 Pin-Up Postcards of Wwii
by Collectors Press
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Sales Rank: 348,374 - Avg. Rating: 5 (out of 5)
Released: 11 December, 2001 - ISBN: 1888054565
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Gasonga Jokes March 2003
Oxymoron’s
Or to put it simply - Two words which when combined that don't make sense, or
contradict each other.
Act Naturally
Advanced BASIC
Airline Food
Almost Exactly
Alone Together
Business Ethics
Butt Head
Christian Scientists
Classic Rock
Clearly Misunderstood
Computer Security
Definite maybe
Diet Ice-Cream
Exact Estimate
Extinct Life
Found Missing
Fresh Frozen
Funny Business
Genuine Imitation
Good Grief
Government Organisation
Jumbo Shrimp
Living dead
Microsoft Works
Military Intelligence
New Classic
"Now, Then ..."
Passive Aggression
Peace Force
Plastic Glasses
Plastic Silverware
Political Science
Pop Art
Pretty Ugly
Same Difference
Silent Scream
Small Crowd
Smart Ass
Soft rock
Sweet Sorrow
Taped Live
Terribly Pleased
Working Vacation
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Gasonga Jokes March 2003
Some Batty Books by Awful Authors
A Day At The Beach By C. Side
A Large Arsehole By Hugh Janus
A Visit To The Dentist By Lord Howitt-Hertz
Anal Passage By R. Sole
At The Barber's Shop By Shaun Head
Baby's Revenge By Nora Tittov
Beatiful Babe From Newcastle-Upon-Tyne By Bonny Lass
Beside The Seaside By C. Shaw
Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.1 By Amos Quito
Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.2 By Anne Othamosquito
Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.3 By Andy Nuthamosquito
Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.4 By Yetta Nuthamosquito
Blowing Up Buildings By D. Molition
Brainless By M. T. Head
Breaking The Ice By P. Kaxx
Breakfast Recipes By Egon Toast
Breast Feeding By Nora Tittov
Brick Laying By C. Ment
Brown Spots On the Wall By Hu Fling Pu
Call The Plumber By Ivor Leak
Cannibalism By Henrietta Mann
Caring For Parrots By L. O. Polly
Cookery For Beginners By Egon Chips
Death On The Cliff's Edge By Eileen Dover
Defrosting Cattle By Thora Herd
Designing Placards By Bill Poster
Does My Bum Look Big? By Hugh Janus
Driving A Taxi By Minnie Cabb
End Of Term By C. Myra Port
Evacuate The Building By Rufus Falling
Faeces In The Carpet By Drew P. Draws
Fashion Of The 1960's By Minnie Skirt
Fat Bottomed Girls By Hugh Janus
Feed Your Dog Correctly By Nora Bone
First In The Form By Hedda De Classe
Fooling Around By Joe King
Forest Freedom By Lucinda Woods
Fun With Your Friends By Joe Kerr
Garden Full Of Weeds? By Dan D. Lyon
Give To The Poor By Rob Deritch
Golden Waterfall By I. P. Standing
Harbouring A Chinese Fugitive By Hu Yu Hai Ding
Hernia On The Yangtze By Won Hung Low
Hole In The Mattress By Mr. Completely
Home Haircutting By Shaun Head
How To Boast Successfully Vol.1 By Ivor Biggun
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Gasonga Jokes March 2003
Fallen seeks something to raise
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
"TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove
the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the cop, "How come you don't stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving
around with a large sign on their car again.
Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new
sign that now read:
"TWO FALLEN ANGELS SEEKING PETER---$50.00."
First Time
A guy picks up a girl in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel. While they are
relaxing after some hot sex the guy asks, "Am I the first man you’ve made love with?"
She looks at him thoughtfully for a moment and then replies. "You might be, your face
looks kind of familiar."
Light my Fire
Two guys are sitting in a coffee shop opposite a fire station. Suddenly the Fire
Station’s Alarm goes off and one of the guys jumps up and headed for the door. His
mate shouted, "Hey, I didn't know you were a fireman!"
"I'm not,” shouts the guy that’s leaving, “but my girlfriend's husband is..."
Q: What do you call two Spaniards playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan
Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The position of the dirt bag.
Q: Why is divorce so expensive?
A: All things worth having are expensive.
Q: What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A: Doughnuts.
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
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Gasonga Jokes March 2003
Help me help me!
One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a
quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this
sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his arms
around the boy's abdomen, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter.
The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"
"No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."
Hat trouble
A guy’s walks down the street when a strong gust of wind blows his hat off.
When he finally catches up with it a dog is chewing it. So the guy complains to the
owner, “Look at that!”
“What?” the owner replies.
"Hey! I don't like your attitude!" says the guy scowling.
"It's not my 'at 'e chewed, mate. It' yours!"
Three Blonde guys
Three BLONDE guys are talking in a bar.
The first guy says, "My wife is so daft, she bought 20 pounds of meat and we don't even
have a freezer!"
The second guy says, "My wife is so daft, she bought a video recorder and we don’t have
a TV!"
The third guy says, "That's nothing, my wife is so daft, she packs boxes of condoms for
her trips away and she doesn't even have a dick!"
Words of wisdom
The wise old Mother Superior from the convent in Tipperary was dying. The nuns
gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk
to drink, but she refused it. Then, one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she
opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. She returned to the Mother
Superior's bed and held the glass to her pale, bloodless lips. Mother took a little sip,
then a little more. Before they knew it, she'd drank the whole glass down to the last
drop. "Mother," the nun asked in earnest, "Please give us a word of wisdom before you
leave us to go to your well-deserved reward."
The stricken Mother painfully raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face
said, "Don't sell that cow!"
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Gasonga Jokes March 2003
ALCOHOL WARNINGS
The government have decided that young women are not getting the message on
excessive drinking. So a special think tank hove come up with some new message that will
shortly be appearing on alcohol contains.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened
to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you
are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over
again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really
dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse
with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu
powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see
something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on
the forehead/knees.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH
you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Silly Cow
"I haven't sold one tractor all month," a tractor salesman tells his friend.
"That's nothing compared to my problem," his buddy replies. "I was milking my cow when
its tail whips around and hits me in the forehead, so I grabbed some string and tied its
tail up to the rafters. Then I go back to milk it and it kicks me in the head with its right
hind leg, so I grab some rope and tie its one leg up to the rafters. I go back to try and
milk it again when it kicks me in the head with its left hind leg, so I tie its other leg up
to the rafters. Then my wife comes walking in and I'll tell ya, if you can convince her
that I was trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor off ya."
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Gasonga Jokes March 2003
What’s that disease?
A guy picks a woman up in a bar and takes her home.
When he takes off his shoes and socks, his toes are dreadful deformed.
"Eeek!" says the girl.
"Don’t worry,” says the guy, “I used to have toe-lio."
"You mean polio?"
"No, toe-lio." Says the guy as he continues to undress. When he takes off his pants, his
knees are horribly deformed.
"Eeek!" says the girl.
"Don’t worry,” says the guy, “I used to have the knee-sles."
"You mean measles?"
"No, knee-sles." Says the guy as he continues to undress. When he takes off his
underpants the girl says, "Don't tell me. Small-cocks!"
Anti-men Jokes
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Q: What's the difference between a man and a lawnmower?
A: Lawnmowers don't bitch after they cut the grass.
Q: What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A: A sex-change operation.
Q: What do men think the only difference is between Father's Day and those other 364
days?
A: The card.
Q: Why did God create man?
A: She didn't. Her husband did.
Q: What happens when a man opens his zipper?
A: His brains fall out.
Q: If they can put a man on the moon, why can't they put them all there?
Q: Why do women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay!
Q: What do you have when you've got 2 little balls in your hand?
A: A man's undivided attention.
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Gasonga Jokes March 2003
Q: Why do men float better then women?
A: 'Cause men are scum!
Q: Why do men have a hole in the end of their penis?
A: So they can get some air to their brains.
Q: Why did the blonde refuse to go in a submarine?
A: She was worried it might sink
Q: What do you call a girl who commits petty crimes.
A: Miss Demeaner
Q: What do you call a girl that can’t shoot straight?
A: Miss Fire
Q: What will happen if Satan ever loses his hair?
A: There'll be hell toupee!
Q: What's the meaning of the term "Egghead"?
A: Its something that Mrs. Dumpty does for Mr. Humpty.
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